What me? A Foster Carer? Part 4

By Iona Laing

Chapter Seven – Slow awakenings!

(Jessie.)

There was a strange aroma in the air. Lots of beeping too. I couldn’t move but I was aware of a weight along my right-hand side. The pain wasn’t quite so intense, the worst seemed to radiate out from my lower stomach. Mind you, the rest of me seemed to want to add to my misery too.

I was desperately thirsty and tried to say “Drink!” but whatever came out of my mouth didn’t seem to match the instructions I’d sent it. The weight that had been immobile to my right, suddenly seemed to scoot up to my head and I felt someone kiss my forehead as well as the drip of tears onto my face. A crying Jenna gently called out “Jessie’s awake!” That seemed to generate a whole lot of activity. But I still didn’t get my drink!

I was aware of Jenna getting off the bed, lots of activity and strange voices all talking at once. Then came the pain in the butt again, the bright light, once again asking me to follow the light with my eyes. It hurt my eyes so much, but I did it, just in the hope they would switch it off and leave me alone! Fat chance or so it seemed.
I could recognise some of my family talking, I could definitely hear Jenna sobbing, I did hope she wasn’t hurt. I now realised I’d got a breathing tube down my throat which is not the most pleasant of sensations, but I suppose it’s better than suffocating! I had had to have this done a couple of times before because of my respiratory problems.

I kept my eyes screwed tightly shut because it hurt too much to stare at the bright lights in the room. All the while, different machines beep, bonged and biped. Then someone asked for the room lights to be dimmed.

“Hoo flipping ray”, someone with a little compassion for my eyes.

“Okay Jessie, can you open your eyes for me now sweetie?” asked a strange voice I didn’t recognise.

“Come on Jessie, open your eyes, . . . . please Jess, . . . . for me?”

That was Jenna, I better open them as she won’t give up until I do, so I slowly opened my right eye as much as I could, but my face felt a bit stiff and swollen. I looked to my right and there was my sister and best friend, she looked awful, tired and red eyed, but she was there, my beautiful sister smiling at me.

(Jenna.)

“Jessie, oh my God Jessie, you have had me so worried, don’t you ever do that to me again!” I sobbed into Jessie’s shoulder.

“Oh Jessie you won’t believe the number of cards people have sent you, you have so many cuddly toys that there wouldn’t be room for them and you in the bed so most of them are waiting for you at home! You’ll have to put up with me for cuddles for now. Oh Jessie, Jessie I love you so much, and everything is going to be okay, you’ll see!”

(Jessie.)

I wanted to say to Jenna “I didn’t do it on purpose!” but with a mouth and throat full of plastic tubing you can’t say a lot! My Mum had both hands on Jenna’s shoulders, and my Dad was behind them both.

They all looked tired, worried and relieved all at the same time which is not an easy look to achieve. I went to move my right arm but found it immobilised in some way, which was also true for my left side too. My nose itched but I couldn’t scratch it, nor ask someone to do it for me, brilliant!

The strange voice to my left then said.

“Well done Jessie, now sweetheart, can you open your left eye too and look at me?”

My left eye seemed to find it more of a battle to join the party, but eventually I managed to get it open too and looked across to my left. In the background were my two older brothers holding onto Jacqui and her friend Debbie, all four looked like they’d been crying.

Jeff Jr looked like he’d a black eye and Jason had some dressings on his forehead. Nearest to me was a very pretty young lady in a white coat with a stethoscope hanging around her neck.

(Dr Ruth Hunstanton.)

“Well done, Jessie, rather than me shining a bright light in your eyes again, can you see my finger, blink twice if you can?” Jess blinked twice.

“Right sweetie, see if you can follow my finger as I move it about.” So, for the next minute or two I got Jess to follow my finger as I moved up, down, left and right.

“That was really good Jessie, now I am going to ask you a few yes/no questions, I want you to blink once for “No” and twice for “Yes”, do you understand?

Jessie blinked twice.

Right Jessie, are you in pain?” Jessie blinked twice quickly, then twice quickly again.

(Jessie.)

The doctor fiddled with something in the drip in my arm. I felt a cold flush through my body, and everything eased and I sort of sighed in relief.

The doctor smiled at me. “Okay Jessie, I hope that has eased things for you a little bit!” I blinked twice a little more slowly.

“That’s good sweetie, now, do you know you are in hospital?" Again, I blinked twice. “Excellent Jessie, now then, you have a breathing tube in place, but hopefully we can take it out tomorrow, is it really sore?” I blinked once.

“Ok sweetheart, now I know you must hurt all over, but I want to know where the worst pain is, so I am going to make a few guesses as to where it hurts the most. If the pain is really bad you blink twice for yes, if it’s not too bad, just blink once for no, do you understand?” I blinked twice. “Don’t worry I’m not going to poke and prod, okay?” I blinked twice again.

“Now is your groin or lower stomach, really sore?” I blinked twice quickly, then I blinked twice again. “Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry, so is it the worst of all your aches and pains?” Once more I blinked twice. “I am not surprised with everything you have been going through, even before you were assaulted!

We will try and keep you as comfy as we can, but you have been asleep for quite a while, and we don’t really want to knock you out again! Now, how about your face?” Two blinks! And so it went on until we had covered my entire body.

“I know you are really tired sweetheart, so I’ll stop asking questions in a moment and let your family have chance to have some time with you.

“Do you know what happened to you?” Even though I started crying, I blinked twice. I felt Jenna climb carefully back to me on my bed and the doctor put her hand on my forehead and she gently rubbed her thumb backwards and forwards. “You are safe Jessie, there’s no need to worry, those thugs won’t bother you ever again, do you understand?” I blinked twice and screwed my eyes shut as wave after wave of emotions flooded through me.

Jenna cuddled me as best she could and started singing some lullabies to me which she had done when I had been especially stressed with bullying, my problems or my depression.

When I had calmed down the doctor spoke to me again. “Now Jessie my name is Ruth, and I will come and see you in the morning sweetheart. All being well we will be able to get rid of that breathing tube for you then you will be able to have a drink and speak to us without the blinks! Okay sweetie?” I blinked twice.

“I will now leave you with your family, as I said I am Doctor Ruth Hunstanton, but you can call me Ruth, okay?” another double blink. ”We will need to have a long talk together tomorrow morning Jessie, and not just about the injuries those thugs inflicted on you. Okay sweetheart?” another double blink.

“I will leave you with your family for a while, then you need to rest, you are a very lucky girl to have such a loving family around you, I will see you in the morning, okay Jessie?” another double blink but a confused one,
‘Girl?’, she has repeatedly called me a ‘Girl and she/her’ has Jenna told on me? She promised she wouldn’t tell anyone; she promised me faithfully she wouldn’t! But has she? They will all hate me, I know they will, I’d be better off dead, Oh God, my life is over!’ I tried to scream but couldn’t because of that damn breathing tube.
Jenna grabbed my head with both hands.

“Jessie, . . Jessie, . . . LOOK AT ME JESSIE!!!!” she shouted. “Everything will be okay, I promise, and I have kept my promise to you, honest, I haven’t said anything to anyone, I promised you I wouldn’t and I haven’t, please believe me Jess! Do you believe me?” I eventually blinked twice.

After that I calmed down a little. Then my whole family took turns talking to me telling me how worried they had been, how scared they were when they thought they were losing me and that they loved me no matter what the future held.

Then the Dr left, and my family gathered around me, all looking tired and worried, but mainly looking relieved.

My Mum and Dad gave me and Jenna who was lying by my side gentle hugs. Then Jacqui cried on my left shoulder and my big strong brothers, although looking somewhat embarrassed hugged me too. Debbie spoke softly to me too, telling me how much she too loved me and that I should just relax and get better.

By now I was very tired and before I realised anything I was asleep once again.

I awoke a couple of times in pain, but I also was having nightmares, not only about the attack but also an increasing sense of doom about telling everyone what a freak I was!

Jenna, Jacqui, Debbie and my Mum were constantly at my side, a nurse showed me a button I could push to release some analgesia when needed, they told me I could not overdose, mores the pity, as it would only allow me a certain amount of pain relief. Jenna slept on my bed with me while Mum, Jacqui and Debbie slept in reclining chairs or out in the corridor.

Before I knew it, the hospital slowly awoke and a new day’s activities started, which were heralded by increasing amounts of noise. My sisters, Debbie and my mother were all allowed to use the shower that was part of the bathroom attached to my room. After they’d had their breakfasts brought up from the cafeteria, it wasn’t long until Doctor Hunstanton arrived to start the next stage of my treatment. I felt sick with fear and couldn’t stop the shaking.

Chapter Eight – Amazing developments.

(Dr Ruth Hunstanton.)

“Good morning, Jessie, are you ready to have that breathing tube out?” Jessie gave me a double blink, but the poor soul looked half frightened to death.

“Okay Jessie, look at me, you have absolutely nothing to frightened of or any need to worry, I need you to trust me sweetheart, okay?” Jessie gave me a hesitant double blink, tears seeping from her eyes.

“Okay, you know the routine Jess, when I tell you, I want you to give me a great big cough and the tube will be out before you know it.

We’ll fit you with a face mask and then we’ll slip you a few ice chips to ease your throat! So, are you ready?” Again, Jess gave me a tear-filled double blink.

“Now Jessie, on the count of three, one, . . two, . . three, . . . and out! “

(Jessie.)

Before I knew it, the tube was out, and a full-face mask was placed over my nose and mouth.

I could smile at everyone in the room. Dr Ruth checked my lungs over carefully with her stethoscope, my mother slipped a few slivers of ice in my mouth under the face mask, that felt wonderful.

I was still in a great deal of pain, especially around my groin.

My arms were now freed a little, but I had drips in both arms that I needed to be careful of. Dr Ruth grabbed a chair and sat by the side of my bed and held my left hand.

A nurse closed the door between my room and the corridor. With a horrible sinking feeling I knew I would have to tell everyone how I felt, and apart from Jenna no-one else would understand. Maybe my Mum and Dad would stop her from having anything to do with me, but at the moment she was clinging to my right hand, almost crushing my fingers, but with a wide smile on her face.

(Ruth.)

“Okay Jessie, in case you don’t remember, I am Dr Ruth Hunstanton, but you can call me Ruth, okay?”

Jessie blinked at me twice before remembering they could speak, so I did get a hoarse “Yes!”

“Right Jessie, do you know how long you have been in hospital with us?”

Jess blinked once before I got a sheepish smile and a hoarse “No!” with a shake of her head.

“No, have, . . have I been here long, a day or two?” Jess hoarsely enquired.

“I am sorry Jessie, but including today you have been here six days, you were brought in on Thursday night, it’s now the following Wednesday morning. You were not only badly beaten but you were medically unwell too!

You needed surgery Thursday night and then further surgery on Sunday to correct a birth defect that was causing you problems and probably has for a while now. So, tell me Jessie, have long have you been having problems with your tummy?”

Jess looked at me with a slightly stunned expression.

“For a while Doctor Ruth!” I noticed Jess give a questioning glance towards Jenna who hugged Jess’s arm. “I have been getting tummy aches on and off for about three months now, it gets really sore, then it clears up for a while before it starts all over again.”

“Did you have tummy ache Thursday Jessie?”

“Yes Dr, it had been sore since lunchtime!”

“Okay Jessie, you can call me Ruth, we’re all friends here, okay?”

“Okay Ruth” replied a very dubious Jess.

“Now Jessie, this might be a bit embarrassing to answer, but had you seen blood when you have been going to the toilet, or in your undies, especially when you have had a sore tummy?”

Jessie stared at me incredulously. “How did you know? Sometimes it was dark red, then it got lighter, then it would stop until my tummy got sore again.”

“Was it in your pee or your undies as well?”

“Both!”

“So Jessie, how did you keep yourself clean?”

“Jenna helped me.” Jess gave a sideways look at Jenna. “She gave me some of her pads and showed me how to wash the blood out of my panties if I had an accident!”

I smiled at Jessie tenderly,

“You were a lucky girl to have her big sister to help her, weren’t you?”

“Yes, Jenna is my big sister and my best friend, I couldn’t have survived, especially these last few months without her help. She has helped when things were getting to be too much, she has kept my secrets for years, she has always looked out for me, all my life.”

Jess then gave me a strange, confused glance.

Jacqui, Deborah and Jenna were in tears, as was Jennifer, she held Jessie’s hand which rested on Jenna’s hip as she was, as usual lying at Jessie’s side cuddling her.

“Oh Jessie, Jessie, why didn’t you tell me sweetie, I would have helped you, you know that!”

Jessie nodded.

I was also in tears by now.

“I know that Mum, but I have been such a nuisance to you all my life with my ill health, ever since I was born. I didn’t want to add to that anymore, I thought it would go away, plus, I was embarrassed, I didn’t know how to tell you, I’m sorry Mum!”

Dr Ruth took my hands,

“Now Jessie, I need you to listen to what I am going to tell you, okay?”

She nodded.

“What we found when you were brought into the hospital, apart from your injuries had us really worried. First, a question, do you know what menstruation is?”

“I know a little bit, it is when a girl gets her period?”

“Yes Jessie, that’s right, I’ll try and explain things in a bit more detail so you can understand what has been happening to you.

A period is what happens when a female’s lining of her uterus, that has made itself ready to become pregnant, is not used for that purpose, then the lining of the uterus is in effect reabsorbed by a girl’s body and the waste is discharged as a bit of bloody goo each month. That’s when a girl or woman needs to use tampons and or pads to absorb the bloody discharge.”

“But what has that to do with me Ruth?” asked a puzzled Jess.

“Well, Jessie, when we were treating your injuries, it became apparent that you a very special individual. You had a birth defect that made it look like you had a penis.

When you went to the toilet, was it a messy process?”

Jessie stared at me wide eyed.

“Yes, I have always sat to pee, it sprays out all over the place otherwise!”

“And what you thought was your penis, did it ever get hard, especially say, first thing of a morning?”

“No Dr Ruth, eww, never!”

“Now Jessie, listen to me carefully, when we looked at your insides, which we had to because of the injuries you received, we made quite the discovery.

You have lived for eleven years with everyone thinking you were a boy, but now, as you have started puberty, your body has shown itself in fact to have a girl’s system.

Those tummy aches you had were you having your first few periods, the blood you were passing when you had a pee or your little accidents, were you getting rid of the waste. Your plumbing was a bit messed up, then, when you were kicked and stamped on, your perineum was ruptured, and you almost bled to death because nearby blood vessels which were damaged.

We have had a quick look at your chromosomes, and it seems you are female, as much of a girl as your two sisters, Deborah, Nurse Tonya, your mother and me!”

Jessie looked at us all, with everyone smiling, nodding and giving signs of encouragement.

(Jessie.)

“So, I am, . . I, . . I am a girl?”

“Yes Jessie, you are now the youngest of us sisters!” said Jacqui smiling.

“I know this must be a bit of a shock to you Jessie.” Said Mum.

“So, I am a real life girl? Honestly?”

“Yes Jessie, you are female and always have been, just nobody knew it!” said Jacqui, at which point I burst in to floods of tears yet again.

My Mother hugged me as tightly as she could.

(Jennifer.)

“Shush Jessie, shush, we’ll all help you as much as we can.” I gently rubbed her back, “There’s no need to worry or be so sad!”

“But Mummy, these are not s, . . s, . . sad tears, they’re, . . they, . . they’re happy ones!”

“I can explain!” said a tearful Jenna as Jessie continued to sob her heart out. All four women looked at Jenna, who had sat up straight and held Jessie’s hand as tight as she could.

“It’s like this Mum.

I have known for years that Jessie had always felt herself to be a girl. She told me how she felt when we were five or six years old. I helped dress her in my clothes whenever we had chance.

We were working out how to tell you all, and our plan was to tell you when we broke up for the Christmas holidays, but this news, it’s, it is like the greatest present Jessie could have ever gotten,

When I was told, . . .that Jessie was truly my sister, . . I couldn’t believe my ears, I, . . I didn’t know what to say, if anything, but we all needed Jessie to wake up first, but, . . but I never had chance to tell her the news, . . . I didn’t know what to do, but I had promised Jessie that I would keep her secret.

I wanted to tell you Mum, really, I did, but I had promised Jessie I wouldn’t tell on her, and I promised her on a pinkie swear! I wouldn’t break my promise.

You know Mum, that people have always thought we were twins, now we know how close to the truth that is!” then Jenna also started sobbing her heart out.

“Oh girls, girls, come on now, . . . shush girls, shush, . . no-one is mad at you although I do wish you could have trusted me enough to tell me, if not me then Jacqui, or Deb, if not one us then there was your father!”

“Noooo!” screamed Jessie.

“You can’t tell my father or my brothers, they will hate me, they already think I am a sick little freak as it is!”

“They will not hate you Jessie, they love you dearly, and besides, they already know. Now, first a warning, I never, ever want to ever hear you refer to yourself as weird, or freak, or any other derogatory term again, do you hear me?

Plus you don’t know yet just what they did for you last Thursday night. They really laid into those four thugs, although they didn’t do as much damage as you seemed to have inflicted. That’s why Jeff has a bit of a black eye and Jason has scrape marks on his forehead, they won’t want to mix it with a Jones ever again.

Your father and brothers never really knew how to relate to you, they never really knew how to treat you, that is true, but that was mainly because of the age difference.

You have to believe they can’t wait to get to know their new little daughter and sister, they love you as much as they love Jacqui or Jenna!”

“But Dad will be so disappointed, he’ll think I am a freak!”

“One last warning Jessie, no more name calling, got it?”

“But it’s true Mum, the kids at school already think I am weird, the girls, apart from Jenna’s friends, won’t have anything to do with me and I doubt that is going to change once this gets out, I’ll be a bigger laughingstock than I already am!

Jenna has had to defend me as it is, I don’t want her to get in any more fights and arguments because of me!”

(Ruth.)

“Look at me Jessie!”

Jess looked up into my face.

“Do you trust me Jess?” Jess nodded.

“Okay Jessie, you are no more a freak as me, your Mum, your sisters or Deborah or Tonya here. I have got to know your family in some detail over the last six days. Your father and two brothers love you dearly.

They were the ones who rescued you last week from the hands of those thugs. They were also responsible for handing over the four of them to the police, they were also responsible in helping to arrest two others, your headmaster and P.E. teacher who were deeply involved in the conspiracy to attack you and have been committing abuse for years.

A lot more has come to light since then, they are truly awful people who will likely spend a long time in prison.

The pupils at your school have become aware of the abuse you, and they have been subjected to, plus the part your family has played in the ending of their reign of tyranny.

Look around this room Jessie, do you see the number of cards that are stuck to the walls? Your family tells me there are many, many more waiting for you at your home, along with dozens of cuddly toys and balloons.

They are all from people at your school, pupils and teachers who are desperate for you to get better.

Now Jess, let me explain what we had to do via the surgery you have undergone!”

Over the next half hour, I explained all the intricacies of Jessies surgery, and it didn’t seem possible, but her smile got wider and wider.

It was another sixteen days before Jess was fit to go home, but I was so glad to see one of my most special patients return home, back into the heart of a family who loved her dearly.