Project: Little Sister

“Cassie, what are you doing?” her brother called from down the stairs.
“I’m up here with Mom!”
Jordan came up the stairs and leaned on the doorframe of his parents’ room.
“Whatchya doing?”
“Oh, she’s trying on some of my old dresses,” Mom said.
Jordan stood and watched for a moment as Cassie checked her look in the mirror.
“I like this one,” Cassie said, holding her hair up. “It’s nineties chic.”
Mom chuckled and pulled another dress out of the closet and hung it on the doorknob.
“Can I try one on?” Jordan asked.
Mom looked at him quizzically. “Really?”
Cassie turned from the mirror and gave him a smirk.
Jordan looked down for a second, then he nodded shyly.
“OK,” Mom said. “C’mon.”
The three of them were pretty close in size. Lately they had been standing back-to-back to see if twelve-year-old Jordan had outgrown his big sister and mom.
Cassie said, “Well, take off your T-shirt and socks. You’re kind of flat-chested...”
Jordan laughed.
Mom smiled and said, “This one?” pointing to the black knee-length dress hanging on the door.
“Yeah,” Jordan answered.
“Every girl should have a little black dress,” Cassie said. “You can be the next Coco Chanel.”
“Who’s that?” Jordan asked.
Cassie rolled her eyes. “You’re such a boy...”
Jordan, to his surprise, registered a silent objection to her dismissal.
“OK...No, it goes over your head...” Mom instructed.
Jordan did as he was told and wiggled his lithe frame into the dress.
“Pull the hem down!” Cassie ordered.
And now the dress sat nicely on Jordan as he stood in front of the mirror.
Cassie saw him smile in the mirror.
“Well, I always wanted a little sister.”
Jordan’s smile then went ear to ear and he let out a little laugh.
“It fits you pretty well, honey.”
Jordan turned for a profile view of himself.
“Um, maybe we shouldn’t mention this to Dad…” Mom said.
And each of the kids tried on a couple more, making comparisons and poses as their mom watched, smiling.

***

A few days later, Cassie and Jordan were home alone after school.
“So, what was that all about the other day, with the dresses?” she asked.
“I don’t know. What was it about with you?”
“Well, I’m a girl.”
“So?”
Cassie rolled her eyes. “Just tell me.”
“I don’t know…I had a dream that I was wearing a dress, and I wanted to see what it was like. It just seemed like playing dress-up.”
“Did you like it?”
“Yeah, it was fun. I liked the way I looked.”
Cassie laughed. It was fun, she thought, doing it together.
“We can do it again sometime, if you want…” she said.
“Really?”
“Sure…Little sister.”
Jordan smiled his big smile again.

***

A few days later, their parents were out for the night. Jordan was on his bed doing homework when Cassie popped her head into his room.
“C’mon.”
“What for?”
“You know,” she said. “Come over to my room.”
Jordan closed his book and felt a little rush of excitement. He followed Cassie across the hall.
There were clothes laid out on top of Cassie’s floral comforter. Some dresses, some skirts and tops. “OK, little sis. What do you like?”
Jordan first tried on a blue floral dress that Cassie sometimes wore to church.
“Cute,” Cassie said, going to her dresser. “I wear this necklace with that.” She went behind Jordan and hooked it around his neck. “OK!” she said, satisfied.
“Hmm…earrings?” Cassie put her finger to her mouth, thinking. “I think I have some clip-ons.” She rustled around a little jewelry box until she found them. “Here, put these on.”
Jordan fumbled them. “How do they go?”
“Like this…” Cassie clipped them on. “Your hair is too short, but we can do something.” She paused again, examining Jordan’s hair. “Let me get my curling iron.”
“Really?” Jordan asked.
“Why not?” Cassie shrugged and reemerged with the iron and some hair products. “Nothing elaborate, just, ya know, a little more girly!”
Jordan smiled once more. “Do it!”
Cassie spent just a few minutes styling Jordan’s hair. She sighed deeply. “Not much to work with. You should let it grow out a bit.”
“Maybe I will,” Jordan answered.
Jordan sat on the bed, legs apart, while Cassie fiddled with his hair, making final adjustments.
“Jordan, you have to keep your knees together in a dress or a skirt.”
Jordan shifted slightly on the bed. “It’s uncomfortable,” he complained.
“Well,” came Cassie’s retort, “if you’re going to act like a boy, forget it.”
“No! Wait, I’ll do it.”
“Alright, Sis…Stand up for a sec. OK, now sit back down, but like a girl. Smooth the skirt underneath you and don’t just plop down. Be graceful!”
Jordan did as he was commanded.
“Good girl! Oh, one more thing!” Cassie said and scurried to the bathroom, returning with a mascara tube.
“OK, look up, Jordan.”
Jordan did as he was told and Cassie gently applied it to his lashes and examined her work.
“So pretty,” she said. “Check yourself in Mom’s mirror.” The full-length mirror was in their parents’ room.
Jordan walked down the hall, noticing the pleasant feeling of the skirt swaying around his legs. When he got to the mirror, he nearly gasped. Trying on the dresses before was fun, but now, styled and accessorized, he saw a girl looking back at him.
“What do you think?” Cassie called from down the hall.
“I love it!”
“There’s a girl named Jordan in my class, so you don’t even have to change your name,” Cassie laughed. “Mom and Dad won’t be home for a while. You can finish your homework looking pretty.”

***

A few days later, Cassie came into Jordan’s room with a little package.
“So, look,” she said. “You can try on my clothes and mess around when you want to but stay away from my underwear. That’s gross.”
She tossed the bag onto Jordan’s bed. “I got you your own. And don’t mess with my makeup until I show you how.”
Jordan had not considered needing new underwear, but he liked having his own things.
“You probably want to hide them a little bit, but I don’t think Dad ever puts the laundry away.”
“Thanks, Cassie.”
“Sure, sis. I’m looking out for you.” Cassie gave him a wink. “If you borrow anything, put it back.”
“I will.”

***

It went on like that for a few weeks. The kids’ parents were busy, so they were often home alone. Jordan experimented and enjoyed dressing up, sometimes with Cassie’s help. Cassie herself was a bit of a makeup novice, but she showed Jordan how to do mascara and lipstick. She bought Jordan a tin of Nivea Crème, which he kept under the bathroom sink.
One morning, while everyone was getting ready for work or school, Cassie was rummaging through her clothes, looking for the outfit of the day, and yelled, “Jordan, do you have my black skirt?”
“Yeah, it’s in my closet. Sorry!” Jordan called back.
“What did I tell you?”
“I’m sorry, I said!”
Mom came down the stairs while Dad was drinking his coffee.
“What are they arguing about?”
“Oh, nothing,” Mom replied.

***

“Where are Dad and Mom?” Jordan asked.
“Dad’s playing golf. Mom went to lunch with Aunt Krista.”
“Can you do my hair and makeup?”
“You can do it yourself, pretty much, Jordan.”
“It just looks better when you do it.”
Cassie sighed deeply. “I didn’t know this was going to be a full-time job. C’mon.”
They sat in Cassie’s room, and she got to it, styling the hair and smoothing it behind Jordan’s ear. Jordan put on the clip-on earrings that Cassie had surrendered to him. Cassie did the mascara and applied a little lip gloss. “OK, cute!” She handed Jordan a compact and he checked it out.
“So, I think you can have this dress,” Cassie said, pulling a short-sleeved floral summer dress from her closet. “It fits you well and I don’t wear it anymore.”
“Thanks, I like that one,” Jordan answered while pulling it over his head. He walked over to Mom’s mirror and struck a little pose. It was still fun. He loved to dress up, but now it seemed kind of…normal?
Cassie called, “I’m going to get something to drink!” and Jordan followed her down the stairs. Neither one noticed the hard raindrops falling on the roof.
The siblings stood together at the kitchen counter, drinking lemonade, when the side door opened and in came their father.
Jordan froze.
Cassie said nervously, “Hi, Dad. I thought you were playing golf?”
“It’s pouring out. Jordan?”
“Hi, Dad—”
Dad laughed. “What are you doing?”
Jordan felt his face flush and Cassie jumped in, “We were just messing around…”
Dad looked at her and then back to Jordan. “I didn’t know I had TWO daughters. Nice dress, Jordan.”
Jordan ran up the stairs and Dad made a questioning gesture to Cassie.
“I wanted to practice makeup, Dad.”
“It’s fine, Cass. It’s no big deal.”

***

That night Dad and Mom got ready for bed.
“Cassie told me what happened,” Mom said.
“Yeah. So, how long has this been going on?”
“A couple of weeks. I didn’t want to embarrass him. Cassie was trying on some of my old dresses, and he wanted to try one on. Cassie has been messing around with him. They are just having fun…”
“Yeah, I thought I heard them arguing about a skirt the other day.” He chuckled. “Is it anything to worry about?”
“I don’t think so. Just kids. We might need to buy more dresses.” She laughed.
“Really? OK, I’m just going to roll with it. I don’t want to shame him.”
“Yeah.” Mom took out her earrings and placed them on the nightstand.
“Do you think I should talk to him?”
“Definitely. It’s awkward for him.”
The next day, Jordan was relieved that Dad left for work before he was up for school. His dad didn’t seem upset, but he wasn’t sure what he might be thinking about seeing his son in a floral dress and lip gloss. He struggled through the day at school, wondering how he would face his father. He got home first and retreated to his room.
A little while later, Jordan, lying on his bed reading, heard the door open and close. He identified the familiar rhythms of his dad’s entry. A moment later, a knock on his door.
“Jordan?” asked Dad. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah. Hi, Dad.” Jordan sat on the edge of his bed. His dad stood in the doorway, one hand leaning on the frame.
“So, about yesterday…”
“Yeah.” He shut his eyes for a second.
“It’s fine with me if you want to dress up with your sister. It’s no big deal, and if it’s something you enjoy…Do it.”
Jordan opened his eyes. “I just…I don’t know.”
“It’s OK, kid. You can tell me anything if you want, but that’s up to you. Whatever else, you know I love you, right?”
“Thanks, Dad.”

***

Now, at least in the family, it was an open secret, if it was a secret at all. Jordan was still a little shy about it, especially with his dad, but a little with his mom too. Cassie remained a few steps ahead of Jordan in “Girl Knowledge,” but Jordan had learned to style his hair into a reasonable feminine look when he wanted to. Mom limited Cassie on makeup outside of the house but let her experiment at home. Cassie would show Jordan what she learned from her friends or YouTube. She wanted to try some new things and negotiated with Mom for a weekend trip to Sephora.
That morning she knocked on Jordan’s door and joked, “Get in, loser. We’re going shopping! C’mon, we’re going to Sephora! Leave in a half hour.”
“OK, I’m coming.” Jordan appeared downstairs in boy clothes when it was time to go.
Cassie looked him up and down and rolled her eyes. “Really?”
“What?”
“We’re going to SE-PHOR-A!”
“I can’t—”
“Whatever.”
They roamed the makeup aisles, Cassie pulling out samples and testing them on the back of her hand, sometimes pulling Jordan over and trying something on his skin, while Mom checked out the skin care stuff across the way.
Jordan stood looking at a display, transfixed by the options, and didn’t notice that Cassie had drifted away and a young saleslady approached.
“Help you with anything?” she asked.
“No, um, I’m just looking,” Jordan mumbled. “With my sister…”
“OK, if you have any questions, you just let me know. I’m happy to help!”
Could she tell? Jordan wondered.
Cassie came back with her little basket. “We’ll have fun tonight, little sis!”
Jordan blushed and the saleslady smiled and walked away.

***

That night, Jordan sat on the bed while Cassie experimented with the new makeup on both of them. As she gently applied foundation to Jordan’s face, she asked, “Wouldn’t it have been better to go today as a girl? I mean, it’s like, a girly place?”
“I’d be too nervous. What if I saw someone I knew?”
“Well, you barely talk to girls and none of your guy friends are going to be in Sephora.”
“Very funny.”
“Yet also true. Jordan, people don’t really pay attention. Nobody would notice you. Wouldn’t it be fun? Then, like today, you could participate instead of hiding in the aisles and following me around. Besides, you’re kind of adorable. Check yourself.”
He grabbed the compact and opened it to see the latest makeup job. Cassie was getting better.
“Want to go downstairs?” Cassie asked. Mom and Dad were watching TV.
Jordan was still a little reluctant but said, “OK.” He was in shorts and a T-shirt while Cassie did the makeup.
“At least put on something cute. You’re all made up.” Cassie tossed a pink sweatshirt and a pair of white drawstring pajama bottoms on the bed. “Loungewear.” Jordan changed quickly. When he stood up, Cassie hung a necklace around his neck. They walked downstairs and into the living room.
Mom saw them and said, “Cassie! Too. Much. Makeup! Both of you!”
“We’re home, Mom. No one can see.”
Dad looked up from his book and smiled at his kids. Seeing Jordan, he said, “Oh. You again!”
Jordan sat on the couch, legs tucked under him and to the side, and his mom put her arm around him. Cassie sat on the floor, her back against the side of Dad’s chair. They sat in silence together.
***
Mom was going through the mail while Cassie and Jordan sat in the living room watching TV.
She almost started with “Girls…” but then caught herself. What? Jordan was wearing boys’ clothes anyway.
“Kids, we’re going out to dinner tomorrow.”
Cassie looked at Jordan, raised an eyebrow and coughed dramatically. They had been talking…
“Well, little sis?” she whispered and nudged her head toward Mom.
Jordan took a deep breath and walked over to his mom at the counter.
“Mom?”
“Yes, honey?”
“I want to wear my dress to dinner tomorrow.”
“Uh, I thought that was just something we were going to do at home?”
“Does it have to be?”
“Well, I guess not. Are you sure?”
“Yes. I want to do it.”
Cassie looked down and smiled.
“Alright. I’ll let your dad know when he gets home.”
“Thanks, Mom.” Jordan gave her a hug, and she held him for an extra beat.

***

Cassie went to work as soon as they got home the next day, first doing Jordan’s hair and fixing a daisy pin in the side. Jordan put on his dress, adjusting it carefully while he looked in Mom’s mirror.
“I think I’m going to wear these shoes…” Jordan said, selecting a pair from his mom’s closet. Jordan’s feet were now a little bigger than both his sister’s and his mom’s. The shoes still fit, but they were tight. He needed his own shoes.
Cassie raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think they will be very comfy…and they don’t really go.”
“Yeah, I think they do!”
Cassie looked away and made a face.
“Are you home?” Mom called from downstairs.
“Yeah, we’re up here, Mom!” Cassie called down.
They heard Mom on the stairs. “Let me see you two! Cassie, you’re not even ready!”
“I was helping him. I’ll be ready in a second.”
“Dad’s waiting.”
“OK.” Cassie went to her room.
“Sweetie, those shoes are a little much. How about the ballet flats?”
“I told her!” Cassie called out from across the hall. “I mean him!”
“OK, Mom.” Jordan slipped out of the heels and grabbed the flats.
“Oh, I have a little bracelet that would look nice with this…Here you go. Hold out your wrist.”
Cassie returned, dressed. “I’m going to put a little makeup on him.”
“Cassie, just a little. He’s twelve.”
“Just some mascara and tinted moisturizer.”
“OK, but we have to go.”
“C’mon, Jordan.” They retreated to the bathroom.
“Hold still. Look up!” Cassie commanded. “Perfect!”
The three convened at the top of the stairs.
“Ready?” Mom asked.
“A little nervous,” Jordan admitted.
“It’ll be fine,” Mom said.
“You look great, Jordan,” Cassie added.
Jordan took a deep breath before they walked down the stairs and into the kitchen where Dad was pacing.
“Well, don’t you look lovely,” he said to his family as he kissed Mom on the cheek. “Now I suppose I am going to have to wait for all of you to get ready! Let’s go.”
Cassie rolled her eyes, but Jordan smiled brightly.
At the car, Cassie watched approvingly as Jordan smoothed his skirt and got into the back seat sideways, and off they went.
As they walked toward the restaurant, Dad took Jordan’s hand in his and smiled down at his youngest child, who looked up and grinned back.

***