Trish was taken by surprise by Dido wanting to kiss her. She slowly responded, but broke off the kiss before it got out of hand.
“Sorry, Trish,” said Dido.
“Don’t be sorry, Dido.”
“I owe you an explanation. I will understand if you want to bail out after that.”
“No explanation is needed. I… I missed you more than I could bear, that’s why I came.”
Dido ignored Trish’s words. She had something to say, and at that moment, nothing was going to stop her from getting the words out.
“Oh, believe me, Trish, it is needed. Let me get us to the cottage, and then over dinner, I will explain it all.”
She started the BMW’s engine, put it in gear and found a gap in the afternoon traffic and continued along the main road.
Trish saw a look of determination on Dido’s face that was unlike anything she’d ever seen before.
Dinas Dinlle is a small hamlet on the coast to the south-west of Caernarfon. There are a few dozen houses, a couple of Café’s, a Hotel, a Chip Shop/Ice Cream Shop and a set of public toilets. Other than the Iron Age Hillfort that gave the place its name, there was little to offer a visitor other than a bit of beach and great views over to Anglesey. Nevertheless, it is popular with day trippers, possibly because of the free parking. Many of those who had been there for the day were leaving as Dido drove the BMW into Dinas. The cottage that she’d rented was down an unmade road just beyond the centre of the hamlet.
Trish didn’t say much on the journey to the cottage. Dido tried her best.
“A bit different to Whitely Bay, then?”
Trish didn’t respond.
“Here we are,” said Dido as she parked the car in front of the cottage.
Dido helped Trish unload her bags.
“Your room is on the left at the top of the stairs. The bathroom is straight ahead. Get your things stowed away and come down to the kitchen.”
Trish just grunted and headed upstairs. Dido turned her attention to the shopping and what she was going to have to reveal to her guest very shortly.
“That was lovely. Thanks. I didn’t realise just how hungry I was after all that travelling,” said Trish as she finished the meal.
“No, Trish, thank you. I don’t often get the chance to cook for someone. Today it is just us, but we’ll have two more visitors arriving tomorrow afternoon.”
There was a silence between the two. Dido broke it by pouring Trish another glass of wine.
“My story is complicated. First off, everything that I have told you about myself is almost 100% a lie. The reason why will soon become clear.”
Dido took a deep breath and continued.
“It all began when I was seven and a half, coming on eight. My father got deep into a financial hole with the wrong people, although I didn’t understand it at the time. He did a couple of failed smash-and-grab jobs before they came for payment, which he didn’t have. The result was that those moneylenders took me as payment. Yes, even in the 21st century, people trafficking is alive and flourishing in England. My parents did what we call ‘a runner’. They flew to the USA and have not been seen or heard of since.”
“What happened to you?”
“The details are very painful for me to even think about. The lenders sold me to another group of even worse people. Then it gets all very hazy. I know now that it was down to the drugs that they used on me.”
Dido fell silent. Trish could see a tear in her eye.
“If you don’t want to go on, that’s ok with me. I can see that it is painful.”
Dido managed to look Trish in the eye even though she was close to tears.
“Trish, I was born male. The bastards cut my dick off, removed my testicles and the like … pumped me full of female hormones. Given how old I was, those hormones had a dramatic effect on me.”
It took Trish quite a while to process what Dido had just said.
“Fuck…” she muttered.
“That must have been awful?”
“I was way out of it most of the time, thanks to the drugs. They kept me strapped down to a bed while I healed both down below and to my throat. When I had recovered physically, I was sold again, this time to the man who was to abuse me every day for the next six years. He kept me in a cell or chained up like a pet monkey when he let me take a shower. He or his son made me suck them off almost every day. At weekends, I’d take one up by ass from one or more of them or their multitude of guests, or I’d suck them off or both. If I didn’t perform, then I didn’t get any food or water for two or three days.
Trish reached across the table and took hold of Dido’s hand.
“Please stop. I can see how much this is hurting you.”
Dido shook her head and wiped away the tears.
“Trish, you are a special lady, but everything I’ve done in the last six years has been with one aim. It was all going so well until you came into my life and I began to have feelings for you. I’ve had so many sleepless nights since wondering how not to tell you about the real me. Then, you came here and knew that I had to tell you.”
Dido wiped away another tear.
“Tomorrow, one of the two people who is coming to visit is… is just like me. We think that she was my replacement or the one after that, but we aren’t 100% sure of the timeline yet. Thanks to a lot of luck, I escaped from my prison and went on the run. From my conversations with Joanne, she’s coming tomorrow. I know that she was a replacement for someone, but I’m inclined to think that there was someone else between us. That victim may have taken the ultimate step and topped herself, but that is pure speculation on my part.”
“That means there is a third person who has been surgically altered doing the same thing as you right now?”
“That is true. I don’t know if I was the first one… “
“Who the heck is this animal?”
Dido sat motionless for nearly a minute before she spoke.
“You know him. We both know him.”
“Me? How?”
“Trish, my nemesis is none other than Professor Fox.”
Once again, Trish was taken by surprise at what Dido had said.
“What? You can’t be serious?”
“I am… totally serious. Joanne… she’s coming tomorrow, took one look at his photo and was ready to kill him on the spot even if she had just been sodomised with a beer bottle.”
“But…? Why are you putting yourself at risk like this? What if he recognises you? He must know some very bad people.”
“I look very different from what I did back then. Thanks to John, I’ve had quite a bit of work done on my face, and my blonde hair is, as you know, out of a bottle.”
“But… even so. Isn’t it a huge risk?”
“It is one that I’m prepared to take if, in the end, he gets sent down for the rest of his life. Once he is arrested and charged, he’ll find out who I am. Then I’ll see him in court.”
“I still don’t understand why you are doing it this way. Can’t you just go to the Police with everything?”
“Until recently, it was just my word against his. I had no proof. Nothing. I was not even sure where he’d held me… us. Given who he is and his standing in society, I’d be laughed out of court.”
“But studying criminology? Why?”
“John Proudfoot is why. You will meet him tomorrow. He is, as you know from earlier, a former Chief Superintendent in the Met. To cut a long story short, I was living on the streets when I tried to steal his other car; he effectively rescued me from an early grave. Once I had escaped, I survived by panhandling, as the Yanks call it and being one of the best pickpockets that the Met has ever seen. Begging and getting into all sorts of scrapes is not a plan for the long term. He saved my life and gave me direction. Studying criminology is part of my long-term plan thanks to his gentle persuasion. It gives me the skills to find his weak spot. Given his position in the University and that he’s a QC, we know how clever he is with the law and next year, we get to see him at work in court. I’ve already seen him in action at least a dozen times, and believe me, he is like a dog with a bone. I want to be ready for his onslaught when I get called to give evidence. He will try to bury me alive, starting with my sexual history. It won’t matter to the jury that it was him and his equally deviant son who made me give oral sex to many men; he will make out that it was all my doing, all while being held in a cell. Yeah, right!”
Dido swallowed hard.
“Anyone taking him down has to be smarter than him. We have to have the evidence to convict him, even if it means going public with it and exposing him to the court of public opinion.”
“I still don’t get it?”
“John asked me what I would do when… note, he didn’t say ‘if’ when I took him down, what then? Doing so would leave a huge hole in my life. That’s when he suggested actually studying criminology. It took me a while before I saw what he meant. The skills that we learn should give us gainful employment for the rest of our working lives. Besides, I get to see how Fox works at first hand. John told me a lot about how he literally takes apart the life of a key witness right there in front of the jury. He had that experience himself when appearing as a witness where Fox was the defence barrister. John dropped the hint.”
Dido swallowed before continuing.
“Naturally, I didn’t believe him until I saw him in action for myself at the Old Bailey. After a lot of work and many hours of gentle persuasion by John, I bought into his plan. I got an education and was able to leave my days as a ‘dip’ behind me for good. Since then, I have seen it for myself, and it is not a pretty sight, believe me. Learning his tricks is the only way that I could ever not only stand up to him in court but also get the better of him. A guilty verdict is all that I am after. Fox is like a dog with a bone. He just won’t let go when he gets his teeth into a witness. He will relish jousting with a student. His narcissism will not let him ease up in his attack on me. I will fight him tooth and nail, and I will win because that narcissism will cause him to make mistakes. Then, I will pounce. I have to do this for all of those who have been held in that cellar.”
“That leads us to the here and now. By taking Fox’s classes, I get to learn more about how he works, and hopefully, when it is my turn to face him in court, I will be able to survive the ordeal. As far as I know, I am the only survivor who could even remotely stand up to his questioning. A lot of that is down to the help that John and my shrink have given me. It took me a long time to properly trust him, but I would not be here right now if it weren’t for him.”
“Sorry, I’m rambling. You are the only person… I’ve never told anyone about myself like that before, other than John Proudfoot.”
“I get you now… I think.”
“It isn’t easy. Knowing what he did to me almost every day, it isn’t easy to resist just taking a knife into one of his lectures and killing him on the spot after removing his dick and making him eat it in front of everyone. That would be one form of justice, but John has persuaded me that I should do it the legal way… for the time being.”
Trish looked concerned.
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to do it. He made me suffer for all those years. I want him to suffer for the rest of his life. When he is convicted, he will have a hard time in jail once the news about him abusing children gets out. I mean the trial transcripts. I would not be stupid and rat him out to the inmates; I’d send a copy of the transcripts to one of his cellmates. They should know who they are sharing a cell with. If that sounds sadistic, then just put yourself in my place. I only want an eye for an eye. Is that so wrong?”
“Dido… I don’t know what to say”
“Don’t say anything. It was all going so well. Then on that first day, you made yourself known to me, and it went downhill from there.”
“What are you saying?”
“I never thought that I would ever have feelings for someone, but… I do. After the adrenaline rush of dealing with that traffic cop, I let them get the better of me. That’s when I kissed you. I’m so sorry, Trish. It should not have happened like this.”
“Dido… I don’t know what to say.”
Then Trish said,
“The problem is that I have feelings for you…That’s why I wanted to come here, to see if you had similar feelings for me. You do but…?”
“But now you aren’t so sure?”
“I don’t know what to think. Your story is almost?”
“Unbelievable?”
“I didn’t say that, but yes.”
“It is very true. I can show you if you’d like. Down there, I am a sexless eunuch. The bastards didn’t even leave me with a fake clit.”
“How can you reconcile them robbing you of your manhood?”
“For a long time, I fought it. While I was captive, I just had to survive. When I was free, I was angry with everyone for not coming to rescue me. John arranged for me to see a shrink. It took her some time, but I came around to having a simple choice for my life. Get even or top myself. I’m still here, so obviously I didn’t take the latter option. Once I’d made that decision, it was easy to accept that, thanks to the huge quantity of female hormones that had been pumped into me over the years that going back to life as a male was a non-starter. As I said, all was fine until you came into my life. At first, I didn’t know what was happening to me. When I went to see my shrink last Christmas. I nearly cried when she said that I was having romantic feelings for you. I had never in my wildest dreams expected to even feel anything but hate towards another human. What made it worse at the time was that John had suspected the same thing, but being John, he waited for me to bring it up. Once you get to know him, you will understand just how special a man he is.”
Dido finished speaking with a sigh and a shake of her head.
Trish sat looking at her friend, still trying to fully grasp what she’d been told. Part of her training wanted her to question every word, but Dido’s offer to show her physical evidence pushed all of those concerns way out of her mind.
Finally, Trish said,
“What do you want me to do?”
“Trish, I want nothing more than your moral support until he is sent down for life. A word or three of comfort when I hit a brick wall. Besides, you are a serving Police Officer. Your loyalty must be with them. Then, I’m strictly in information acquisition mode now and for the foreseeable future. Both John and my shrink impressed on me the need to do this by the book. We both know some of the very important cases that have been thrown out because of improperly obtained evidence, or did you learn nothing from the last two lectures from… oh yes, Professor Fox’s assistant, but it might as well have been him ranting on!”
“Ok, ok. You are taking the softly-softly approach.”
“It is the only way. The last thing I want to do is rush into any conclusions. Fools rush in and all that…”
Trish sat back with her wine glass cradled in her hand. The frown lines on her face told Dido that she was deep in thought. Dido decided to speed things along. She added half of the remaining wine to Trish’s glass. The rest of the bottle went into her glass, but she refrained from drinking it. Unlike many people her age, she’d never been a drinker. One or two glasses of wine were her limit.
"Dido…" said Trish after a few minutes of deliberation.
“You do seem to have your head screwed on, but I get the feeling that there is still a lot of fragility just beneath that veneer that you present to the world. Your very controlled nature is just like some of those serial killers that we touched on last year. Their very single-mindedness is what sets them apart.”
Trish’s analysis of her psyche momentarily stunned Dido.
“What does Dr Trish prescribe?” asked Dido, trying to lighten the moment a bit.
Trish giggled.
“Dr Trish… I like that.”
There was an awkward silence between them.
“Look, Dido, we are going to be a lot fewer of us next year. It will be harder for you to disappear into the crowd.”
“Me…?”
“Yes, you, Dido. You go out of your way to avoid making waves or attracting attention to yourself beyond dressing like a professional woman. At first, that got some comments from a few lecturers. Now they expect it, and therefore, we are part of the furniture. I wondered why you suggested that we do it. After a week, I knew why. We, unlike many of the straight-out-of-school mob, are treated as adults and are clearly not to be messed with. Whereas most of the others on the course are generally not regarded as serious criminologists. The marks we get on our papers put us at the top of the class. I’ve seen some of your original work, and it is beyond good. You have an insight that no one else in the class even comes close to. When I went back north at the end of term, my DCI asked me about the class and who looked like making it as a Criminologist. I told him about this person who seemed to know more about the law than the law professors, but was hiding themselves under a huge bush. I was talking about you, Dido. No one else comes close.”
Trish drained the remainder of her wine from her glass.
“But with less of the rabble in our lectures and tutorials, it will be harder to avoid taking a more active part in the classes. You know so much about the subjects, such as Criminal Law, Evidence and Processes, but you hide it very well. Sooner or later, you are bound to slip up. You need to watch yourself and do your best to …”
Trish laughed.
“I hate to say this… You need to do your best to stay on message.”
Dido saw the funny side of her comments.
“Thanks for that. Yes, you are right. If you look at my workbook, you will see that I wrote down very much the same thing yesterday, but your version is more eloquent. After your phone call, I went for a walk along the sea wall to Fort Belan. It was farther than I thought, but it was worth it. The walk gave me a chance to think about last year and the year ahead.”
Then it was Dido’s turn to do a bit of probing.
“Can you tell me one thing, Trish?”
“I’ll try.”
“What exactly was your remit when it comes to keeping an eye on me?”
Trish laughed.
“There wasn’t one. If you can remember our exact conversation, I never answered you. I let you think that I was reporting back to the powers that be about you. I’m not and never have been.”
“Why the fuck did you do that?”
“Because the fool in me said, ‘it would look good on my record if I could get you arrested and convicted for some sort of crime’. At the time, it seemed like a good idea.”
“When did you change your mind?”
“When I saw the real paper that you had written on gang ethics, in what? The second week of the course. It was so different from the one that you submitted. I took a photo of the summary and forwarded it to my Inspector. He came back to me and ordered me to bin any ideas of turning you in and that I could learn a heck of a lot from you. The one you submitted was so dumbed down that it said almost nothing. The real one would have gotten the lecturers talking. I could not figure you out at the time. Now? I get it, or at least what I can assimilate tonight.”
Dido thought for a moment before asking,
“And have you?”
“I would not be sitting here if I hadn’t. Teaming up with you might raise some eyebrows in one or two forces, but your insight into so many things that go on in the real world that are invisible or almost invisible to people like me was the only way that I got through the exams.”
“Same here,” whispered Dido.
“I would have failed Chemistry if it weren’t for you.”
Dido was clearly embarrassed to have to admit that she’d learned a lot from this young copper.
Neither of them wanted to ask the next question. Eventually, Trish said,
“Where the heck do we go from here?”
Dido smiled and looked out of the window.
“Where we go from here is to wander down to the beach and watch a truly gorgeous sunset!”
Dido took Trish’s hand, and together they walked across the road and onto the sea wall to watch the sun go down.
A good part of Dido was hoping that Trish would not bail out, but feared that she would. Getting mixed up with Professor Fox and those who had sold her could be terminal for her career as a police officer.
While they watched the sunset, Trish gently probed Dido for more details of the abuse that she’d suffered at the hands of Fox. Dido told her about the prison cell that she’d been confined in seven days a week, that she got the chance of a shower once a week and that she’d been fed food laden with female hormones.
As the last of the sun disappeared below the horizon, Dido kissed Trish again. This time, Trish responded right away.
Trish went to bed knowing that Dido was telling the truth. At first, she’d wondered if it was just some story to get her into bed together, but the sheer level of detail that Dido went into convinced Trish that she was hearing the truth. A horrible truth inflicted on innocent children by a much-respected member of society. It shocked her to the core.
Her last thoughts were that Dido needed help, and if she could provide at least some of that, then she would. In the words of one of their law lecturers, ‘Justice Matters’[1].
[1] Justice Matters is the name of a YouTube channel hosted by Glenn Kirschner, who was a Federal Prosecutor in Washington, DC. I highly recommend it. He is a no-nonsense commentator on the US Justice System.