,

I waited nervously while the girls went off to get ready debating in my mind whether this was really something that I wanted to do. I was on the point of changing my acceptance of what they had talked me into, going to get changed and cleaning off the makeup. However it wasn’t too long before they both came out dressed and made up for a night out, it was a surprise to see them both wearing dresses, usually they were in jeans and tops or jumpers, they had made a big effort and I didn’t want to disappoint them.

“You two are looking really attractive tonight, at least it will mean that people will be looking at you rather than at me.”

“Don’t underestimate yourself Rowan, with a bit of practice they won’t know which one of us to look at first. It’s a warm night we shouldn’t need coats as we will only be walking from the car park into the pub. Like every girl, you need a bag though, you can borrow this one for tonight, it goes with your outfit. We have already put in the bits and pieces that every girl needs, all you have to add is your wallet, you’re paying tonight as a thank you for our services.”

Worried that I would easily be recognised as a fake. I followed them warily into the pub. Although it was full we managed to find a free table, Kirsty and I sat down and Morag went to the bar to order a bottle of wine and get some food menus.

“I wasn’t comfortable walking over to the table, I felt that everyone was looking at me.” I whispered to Kirsty.

“Get used to it, when three attractive young women walk into a pub, all the guys lining the bar will be having a good look, they’re looking at you with admiration, or lust, or both, and the women are checking out your outfit, hair, and makeup, it’s all perfectly normal. Just relax and enjoy your night out with the girls.”

Morag came back a few minutes later with the menus, and was soon followed by the barman with the wine, soda water and glasses, who she told us with a grin was called Jack that he lived locally and was single.
“Ladies, what can I do for you.” he asked as he poured the spritzers for us, causing the girls to giggle at his choice of words.

Rather than my normal 8oz sirloin steak and chips ,I followed the lead of the girls and chose something lighter, a seafood lasagne with side salad, giving Jack a friendly smile as I
ordered.

“That wasn’t too hard was it? You even spoke to him like a girl, a bit husky, but it came across as sultry rather than masculine. A few days doing things as a girl with us and you will soon start to mimic the way we talk and express ourselves.”

“A few days with you as a girl, I thought this was just for tonight?” It suddenly dawned on me what they were planning.

“Not at all. Now we know that you can pass as girl, Jack just accepted you as you seem be, we need to work on the details. You are now a girl for the rest of the week, next week, and the following weekend, you have 21 years of learning about being a girl which needs to be crammed Into the few days left before the funeral.”

I enjoyed the meal and the chat which carried on throughout the evening, although it was a totally different atmosphere from from my normal nights at the pub with the boys. I had a good time once I managed to relax and not worry about how I looked or acted. We stayed at the pub until the wine was finished, chatting about life in general, the girls seemed to be ignoring my problems and just talked about the usual things that interested them, drawing me into the conversation whenever they could. After they sent me to the bar to settle the bill, with a reminder for me not to forget my bag, we left giving Jack big smiles and goodbye finger-waves to go with the tip we had left him.

“Right Rowan, time for your next lesson, the nighttime beauty regime. Go and get those clothes off and put away, don’t just throw them on the floor next to the bed as you usually do, put on the sleep set I have left on your bed, and come back out, we will show you how to remove your makeup and put on night cream to moisturise your face while you sleep. Boys have it easy, they just throw their clothes off and tumble Into bed, maybe brushing their teeth if they feel like it.”

Suitably cleansed, moisturised and with my hair tied in a bunch, I went off to my bed to wonder about what delights they had planned for me tomorrow, and dream about how the highs and lows of the past day were changing my outlook on life.

I awoke the next morning, initially confused as to why I was wearing girls clothes and smelling of perfume, but the events of the previous day soon came back to me. I needed a dose of caffeine to wake me up properly, and wandered to the kitchen still in my sleepwear to switch the kettle on for a brew and put some slices of bread in the toaster. The smell of the toast must have drifted through to the girls’ bedrooms and they soon joined me.

“Hi Rowan that smells good, pour me a coffee please.” Said Morag sleepily. “I see that you are still in girl mode, which is handy as we have a few things to do today, if you are going to be staying as a girl until after the funeral. If last night was anything to go by, I don’t think you will have any problems with being picked out as an imposter.”

“To be honest when I first went out with you both, I was so nervous, but after the meal and glass of wine I just relaxed and didn’t really think about how I was dressed, I really enjoyed my night out with you both and I think I can live with life on the pink side for a few days.”

“That’s my girl, but in that case we need to change a few things and we need to go shopping. First, when you have finished your coffee, before you get dressed, go to the bathroom, have a close shave, and then do your legs arms, pits, and chest, I don’t want to see any hairs on your body when you come back out. It might be a good idea to finish off by rubbing moisturiser over all your shaved areas, it will help to sooth any stinging.”

“That’s much better Rowan you look even more feminine now. Sit down and I’ll do your makeup, but you need to watch and listen carefully, you will have to learn to do it yourself. All done, now go and get dressed, just put on the clothes from last night, except you can now wear just plain tights, they will look better with your skirt than the black ones, I’ll throw a pack in to you.” Kirsty told me as I went off to my room. “The girls are enjoying this too much.” I thought but didn’t say anything to them, and went to get dressed.

“You can’t keep borrowing stuff from us, we need to get you some things of your own. Now you are in a fit state, we can introduce you to the delights of shopping for girls.” Kirsty passed me a light jacket as it was quite a fresh cool morning. “Put that on, don’t forget your bag, and we’ll be on our way.”

I lost track of the number of shops we went in and tried on clothes, some of which I bought, along with many that went back on the racks. By lunchtime I was ready to go back home carrying all the bags, with a lot more clothes that I would need for the next few days, a formal black dress and jacket for the funeral, a couple of skirts for casual wear, and a half-dozen tops and blouses, along with a selection of bras and panties, tights, costume jewellery and many varieties of makeup items.”

“One final thing before we go back home,” said Kirsty as she dragged me into yet another shop while Morag went off somewhere on her own “you need to get your ears pierced, no self-respecting girl our age does not wear studs, rings, or drops.”

Back at home I was putting all my new clothes and accessories away, wondering when or if I was ever going to get the need to wear most of it, when the pair of them came in grinning broadly.

“One last touch, which will help you fit in better. Take off your top and bra and lie down, we have something for you”. Morag put her hands on my shoulders to keep me still, while Kirsty quickly placed and held something cold and sticky on my chest. “Just lie there for a minute and you can then get up.”

It was a strange feeling when I stood up and looked down at my chest to see two heavy firm breasts hanging there. “That’s a lot better girl, you can throw those bags of rice back in the jar now, those falsies will easily stay in place for the next few days and through the funeral, and for as long as you like afterwards, I’m told that the glue is quite strong and almost permanent. Put on your bra, I’ll adjust the straps to fit you better and then you can get dressed again.”

“ Did you have to do that Kirsty, and what do you mean ‘the glue is almost permanent’ and where on earth did you get them?”

“Rowan, get it through your head, for the immediate future you are living as a woman, and women have breasts. You’ll get used to them, but if they ever need to come off I have a bottle of the solvent for the glue hidden away where you can’t get to it. When you were getting your ears pierced, Morag went off to a specialist lingerie shop for them, you’d be shocked at some of the things some women use to improve their looks.”

Over the next two weeks I had a crash course in womanhood, dress styles, makeup techniques, how to deal with social situations and unwelcome attention, mixing with people as much as possible in shops, restaurants and pubs, and gradually adjusted to my temporary new life. I quickly got used to the ways I was walking, talking and presenting myself, gaining confidence all the time. After the first night when I had trouble getting to sleep trying to find a comfortable position with my new breasts, I rarely even noticed they were there, they became as much a part of me as all the other parts of my body.

The afternoon before the funeral, we drove over to a small Inn we had booked into for two nights, so that we didn’t have to rush to get to the church from Aberdeen, and so that we could relax after the funeral and reception. On the way we stopped not far from the Lodge at the Grant Centre in Duthil, where I managed to find a Clan Grant brooch that I could use to pin to my coat a corsage of a sprig of pine, the Grant Clan emblem, adorned with orange rowan berries as my personal symbol, and a scarf in the Blue Grant tartan, I felt that I owed it to Aunt Elspeth to show my allegiance to her and the clan.

When we arrived at the inn where Kirsty had made a booking she went to reception to sign us in and I noticed that the landlady and her seemed to be having a long conversation during which she kept looking over to where we were sitting.

“What was all that about Kirsty you seemed to be chatting to her like a long lost friend?” Morag asked.

“Oh she was just being friendly, asking why we were visiting. When I told her we were there for the funeral of the Laird, she wondered what was our connection to Lady Elspeth, I just replied ‘one of my friends is a distant relative, and we’ve just come along to keep her company’.Let’s group and get settled our rooms.”

Later when we went down for a meal and drink, the landlady came over to us.

“Hi, I’m Jeannie Fraser, welcome to my Inn,” Looking at me, she continued, “and you must be Elspeth’s relative you have the look of the Grants of Dulnain about you, I have often been up to the Lodge and have seen all the portraits of the lairds down through the generations from Isobel to Elspeth and there are remarkable similarities, your red hair and pale complexion are unmistakeable.”

“You guessed right, I’m Rowan Grant, she was my Great-Aunt. I haven’t been to the Lodge or seen Aunt Elspeth for many years since I was a young child, I must have a look at the portraits and see for myself,”

“Anyway, I’ll probably see you tomorrow at the service and the reception, enjoy your meal girls.”she left us with a cheery smile.

After a good nights sleep and a hearty breakfast we went up to our rooms to get dressed for the funeral. Wearing my black mourning clothes brightened only by the orange rowan berries on my corsage, I walked with Kirsty and Morag to the church and was surprised by the number of people gathering there, Aunt Elspeth was obviously well-liked and respected.

On the way into church for the funeral service, I was drawn aside by Mr Cameron, my Aunt’s lawyer.

“Rowan, is that you? With that shock of red hair you are recognisable even though you are dressed so differently, you are so like your Great-Aunt when she was younger. I’m glad to see that you decided to come, I need to have a word with you later about the terms of the will. If you want to discretely blend in at the back of the church that’s up to you, but can I suggest that you and your companions sit in the family pew at the front, there will be no other close relatives attending today. You will probably get a lot of questioning glances and hear whispers, but I assure you that it will be because the rest of the congregation will all be wondering if you are the lost heir, not because of how you are dressed. If it is allowed, can I say that you are looking really attractive and faultless, the spitting image of the photographs of your Great-Aunt Elspeth when she was your age.”

He was right, as Kirsty, Morag, and I made our way to the family pew we drew a lot of interest, many people looking our way, whispering to each other trying to place who we were. Mr Cameron followed us and sat down next to me.

“Rowan, as there was no-one else to do the job, I was ‘volunteered’ to read a service lesson and give the eulogy, would you like to do either of them yourself? I won’t introduce you as the heir to the estate, just as a distant relative come to pay your respects on behalf of your family.”

I looked over to the girls, who nodded back at me. “That’s fine Mr Cameron, I’ll read the lesson, but I don’t really know enough about Aunt Elspeth to do the eulogy, and can I please call you Alistair, your full name sounds ever so formal,

I didn’t really need the bible to give the lesson, it was Psalm 23 ‘ The Lord is my Shepherd’ which had been drummed into me at Sunday School in my childhood, the traditional text, not the modern version, and I was able to deal with it without too much nervousness.

After the service and burial we all made our way to the Lodge, an imposing granite stone-built country house, rendered as protection against the often harsh winter elements experienced in the foothills of the Cairngorm mountains. Inside, the Great Hall and the other main reception rooms were dressed in typical Scottish Baronial style, dark Jacobean panelling or tartan tapestries on bare stone walls adorned with the heads of stags, rams, bulls and Golden Eagles, and collections of weaponry arrayed everywhere. It was quite sombre but it had a charm of its own, I was glad to see it even though it would not pass to me, and I wondered if I would ever be back again.

Throughout the reception Alistair acted as the host, along with Hamish McBean, an old family friend who acted as Aunt Elspeth’s estate manager when she was too frail to manage it all herself. Alistair called the girls and me together to meet Hamish, who’d volunteered to show us around the Lodge as It was the first visit for us and we had come a long way.

“Have a good look around girls and I will speak to you all later.” Alistair smiled as he left us with Hamish.

Hamish was the perfect tour guide giving us a potted history of the house and family, identifying the family portraits which, unusually, were mainly women, but I supposed that was to be expected given the family history.

He stopped in front of one large portrait of a striking woman riding a horse surrounded by weapon-bearing warriors. “Does she remind you of anyone Rowan?” He asked, causing the girls to start giggling. Staring back at me from the portrait it was as if I was looking in a mirror, other than the length of her long wavy flowing red hair she was almost my twin. “That’s Isobel Grant the first woman appointed as Laird many centuries ago. Lady Elspeth was particularly proud of her, even though she had a lot of respect for all of the strong women that followed her later. Lady Elspeth would have been glad to know that Isobel’s genes live on in you. OK Ladies, let’s go back to the Great Hall, people will be starting to drift away soon and Mr Cameron would like to discuss matters with you.”

“Rowan, are you happy for me to discuss the issue of your inheritance in front of your friends or would you prefer to talk in private?" Alistair formally asked, back to his role as a lawyer rather than the genial host he had been throughout the day’s events.

“I would like them to stay, they know as much about what is going on as I do, and they have been very supportive to me.”

“ I’m sorry, that is just the lawyer in me ensuring client confidentiality, and I now look on you as my client. Your rights in this matter are still not clear, I am continuing to go through the documents in relation to rules of succession, and whether there is a case for challenging your Great-aunt’s strict terms in her will but, as I am sure you are aware, the wheels of justice turn very slowly. If I can make a suggestion, unless you and your friends are in a rush to get back to Aberdeen, why not stay here for a few days, it will be easier if we need to meet, and it will give you the chance to get to know more about your heritage and the Dulnain estate.”

I looked over at Kirsty and Morag, whose eyes had lit up at the suggestion and they eagerly nodded their heads.

“That sounds a good idea Alistair, but we are only booked in the Inn for tonight, we’ll have to sort something out.”

“That’s not a problem, you can stay here in the Lodge, I’ll get Mrs Mackintosh the housekeeper, to prepare rooms for you, and Hamish can take you down to your Inn to collect your things. Don’t worry about problems with your bookings at the Inn, Jeannie Fraser who runs it is Hamish’s sister. Up here in the highlands, everybody knows or is loosely related to everybody else, incomers excepted.”

By the time we got back from collecting our things from the Inn, Mrs Mackintosh had everything prepared for us with freshly laundered bed linen and the radiators turned up to full heat to warm the rooms, which had been on tick-over since Aunt Elspeth died. She left us to get changed out of our mourning clothes and went off to the kitchen to prepare something for an evening meal.

The bedrooms were dressed much less formally than the Great Hall and reception rooms. There were no stuffed animals anywhere and there was still a lot of dark panelling, but the rooms were softened and brightened by the throws on the bed and cushions on the chairs all covered in the modern red and green Grant tartan. After I had freshened up, put my clothes away in the wardrobe and drawers, and got dressed in a denim skirt and chunky warm woolen jumper. I collected Morag on the way and we went to Kirsty’s room.

“What do you think girls, are you happy with your rooms?”

“You’re joking aren’t you, this is luxury, I could get used to this.Have you seen the views from the windows up to the forest and the moors with the mountains beyond?” Kirsty gushed.

“It would be a dream if you could get your inheritance sorted out and this place became yours, you could even convince me to move in here with you.” added Morag. “It’s a shame that it’s only the small matter of your manhood that is stopping you becoming Laird of all you can see.”

“My manhood isn’t that small and I am quite attached to it, thank you very much.” I replied causing us all to fall into fits of laughter.

We made our way down to the kitchen to find Mrs Mackintosh laying out a long oak plank table, and about to serve large bowls of a thick stew and rustic home-made bread.”

“I thought you might like something warm and filling after the chill in the church and at the graveside, the buffet that Mr Cameron organised was fine for what it was but it was not the same as a hot hearty meal.” She placed three bowls on the table, one for each of us.

“Aren’t you joining us Mrs Mackintosh?” I asked wondering why she was leaving us after serving the stew.

“Although I got on well with The Laird, she had her place and I had mine, and even in her later years she preferred to eat alone.”

“Don’t be silly, Mrs Mackintosh, get yourself a bowl of stew and come and join us. We can’t keep calling you that, what is your first name?”

‘Thank you Miss Grant, I’d like that. I’m Fiona.”

“No more Miss Grant either, I’m Rowan and my friends are Kirsty and Morag.”

“The venison stew was absolutely gorgeous Fiona, and along with the thick chunks of bread was exactly what we needed.” I thanked her after we had all cleared our plates.

“The venison is from the estate, the red deer spend the day roaming up in the hills you can see from your rooms, the Monadhliath Mountains, but it gets awfully chilly up there and they usually come down to the lower levels at night. You will probably see some of them if you look out later. We grow most of the vegetables in the walled garden so everything is very fresh, it makes all the difference to the taste.”

“Any chance of another helping Fiona.” Morag asked.

“Feel free dearie, do you want to serve yourself or do you want me to get it for you”

“You stay there and relax you’ve done enough today, I’ll just help myself.”

“From your voice Rowan, you are obviously a lowlander, but would you like an after-dinner wee dram. This area, the Spey Valley, is famous for the Uisge Beatha, ‘The water of life’, or whisky as you probably know it, and Grants down the valley at Dufftown are one of the largest and more famous distilleries. As well as the more commercial brands, they produce a few rare special brews, and The Laird has quite a selection in the cellar.”

Over a couple of glasses of a delicious 50 year old single-malt from the Grants distillery, Fiona enthralled us with stories about the life of Aunt Elspeth. She had served as housekeeper for over 20 years, mostly on a daily visiting basis, but for the last few years when Aunt Elspeth became more frail and after Fiona was widowed, she moved into the Lodge full-time and became as much a companion and carer as was needed.

“We don’t know what will happen when the new Laird takes over, Hamish and I are both of an age when we should be considering retiring, but it will be a wrench if we have to leave the estate. Hamish and his wife Elizabeth have a cottage on the estate as well, which goes with the job. If the new Laird is decent they will make some suitable arrangements for us, but if it goes to the National Trust or such-like, when they take over they will bring in a whole new team and we will probably be required to leave.”

“I’m sure that you have no need to worry, Fiona, Mr Cameron told me that he is trying to sort out what happens to the estate and will soon be in a position to go forward, one way or another.” I tried to reassure her.

It was getting late and it had been a long stressful day, the whisky was getting us drowsy, so we helped Fiona clear up before we went off to our rooms, to bed.

It took me a while to fall asleep, my mind was in turmoil, the house and estate would be a dream life if Mr Cameron could manage to somehow work it so that I could inherit, and if so I decided that I would ensure that Fiona and Hamish were not casually cast aside.

The silence of the wild countryside was only disturbed by the occasional roar of the stags and the barking of the hinds as they came down from the hills, totally different from the bustle and traffic noise of life in the city, and eventually I fell into a long and deep sleep.

To be continued.

.

C

I awoke refreshed in the morning and my spirits were lifted when I looked out at the breathtaking panoramic view over the village and the River Dulnain to the majestic Cairngorm mountains beyond, and the glorious sunrise over to the east. I thought to myself ‘wouldn’t it be wonderful to wake every day to this view’. Determined to spend some time investigating the estate, for a change I dressed in tweed wool trousers a thick top and my heavy jumper before going down for breakfast.

Kirsty and Morag were there before me and were tucking in to large bowls of warming porridge with plates of a fried breakfast sitting waiting for their attention.

“Is it to be the same for you Mi….Rowan, or do you want something else?” Fiona asked me as I went in and sat at the table.

“That will be perfect thank you Fiona, I intend having a wander around the grounds and estate afterwards and a warming breakfast will be just the job to keep me going.”

“I was thinking the same,” said Morag, “after all those classes at university on environmental studies it will be good to put some of my learning to practical use and see how well the estate is managed.”

“I’ll leave you to it.” Kirsty quickly countered. “I would like to inspect the Lodge itself. Now my basic architectural training is over, I would like to look more into how the house has been constructed and extended over all the years. If I do not get a job offer soon I might stay on at university to do a Masters, and this house would be a wonderful basis for a thesis. Besides, it is quite fresh out there this morning and I prefer to stay inside in the warm.”

“It’s a really big estate girls, about 20,000 acres, that’s about 70 square miles. Even though a big part of it is high moorland and mountain it is still a lot to cover, let me give Hamish a call, I’m sure that he would be happy to take you around in his Land Rover, you’ll get to see an awful lot more.”

Hamish soon came round, bringing some sets of warm wet-weather gear for us. “You don’t want go out onto the estate outside the immediate garden and grounds without being prepared, the weather can turn quite quickly, particularly at this time of year. We keep a stock of the wet-weather gear for when we have the beaters here for the grouse-shooting, they look about the right size for you. What do you want to see today? I can get you up to the lower slopes of the mountain, but not up to the tops, which is a shame as the views are spectacular from up there, on a clear day you can see all the way up to the Moray Firth near Forres. We can drop down through the moors where we have the shoots and come back through the forest, all without leaving the estate.”

“You know best Hamish, that sounds like a full day, particularly if there is anything of interest that we want to stop and look at on the way, have you got the time to spare?”

“It’s not a busy season at the moment except when we have shoots booked, so I’m yours as long as you want.”

Even half-way up the mountain, which was as far as we could get in the Land-Rover, the views were amazing. We heard the bellowing of the red deer and saw some groups in the far distance, but none came close enough for us to have a good look.

“What other wildlife is there up here Hamish.” Asked Morag, more interested in that side of the tour than me?”

“Och, we get all sorts, golden eagles, red kites, wildcats, red squirrels, foxes, mountain hares and a wide selection of birds as well as the grouse. Down in the river through the village you can see otters and salmon, and recently they have even re-introduced a few beavers.

On the way back down through the forest he stopped in a large clearing in the middle of which was a small lake, glistening with the reflections of the low early-morning sun.

“Yon Lochan feeds water down to the Lodge which we use for the gardens, washing, sanitation, thing’s like that, we have a small purification plant for the drinking water. Many years ago it also used to feed a small hydro-electricity turbine to supply the power for the house, but that hasn’t been in use for a long-time since we were connected to the grid, and I would be surprised if it is still working. With the rising costs of electricity nowadays it might be worth me looking into getting it activated again, but we’ll wait and see what happens to the estate first. If you girls are into fishing there is quite a stock of brown trout, roach and perch in there, I occasionally come up here to get some for my tea, if you would like to join me. We don’t get many folk up here for the fishing most prefer to go for the salmon in the river just outside the village.”

After a full day out in the wilds we were looking forward to getting back into the cosy warmth of the Lodge, Hamish dropped us off and went off home, Morag and I went back into the Lodge to find Kirsty helping Fiona in the kitchen getting dinner ready for our return.

“Go and get changed into something drier and lighter, it’s another warming dish for us all tonight, they definitely eat well here.” Kirsty joked with us, “Don’t be too long we don’t want to ruin it after Fiona and I have been slaving over a hot stove for hours getting it ready.”
.
After a filling tasty meal of rabbit and potato pie with a mix of home-grown vegetables, followed by ginger sponge pudding and custard, we helped Fiona clear up and then went off to the family lounge as there was something I wanted to talk to the girls about.

“I’ve been thinking girls. Are either of you desperate to get back to Aberdeen? As Kirsty said earlier that she thinks that she could write a Masters thesis on the basis of things we could do here, the same applies to Morag and me. I’m considering asking Alistair if we can stay on here for a while, investigate the Lodge and estate, and write reports on our findings and how the place can be adapted Into the modern age without disturbing its character or debasing its history. What do you think.”

“Do you think that you will manage to pull it off Rowan?”

“I can at least try Kirsty. There are several possible outcomes.
#1 Alistair will tell me that he has sorted things out, the inheritance is mine and we can do whatever we wish.
#2 He will tell me that I have no chance of succeeding. and that we need to go back to Aberdeen and forget about this wonderful place .
#3 He will tell me that it will take a long time to sort things out and that we can stay here until they are decided one way or another.

My guess is that it will be option #3. If he says that, unless you see a long-term future in Aberdeen, we can give up the lease on the house and move in here. Are you with me girls, should I put it to him?”

“What have we got to lose? We can treat what we do here here as work-experience and if things don’t work out it will always look good on our CVs when we have to apply for a career position.”

“It will mean that we would have to commit to complete our surveys, assessments and reports, which will mean at least 3 months, are you willing to put your life and careers on hold and do that.”

“It sounds brilliant suggestion to me, I’m in” replied Morag without any hesitation.

“Me too,” added Kirsty, “but what about you? Unless the legal problems are overcome it would mean you continuing to live as a girl for at least 3 months, do you think that you could manage that?”

“The pair of you have managed it for 21 years or so without major catastrophes, I should be able to manage it for 3 months. Group hug girls, and then another glass of last nights whisky to celebrate, I’ll call Alistair first thing tomorrow morning, it’s a bit late to hit him with this tonight.”

I rang the offices of ‘McIntyre, Grant, and Cameron’ straight after breakfast the following morning, I thought that there was a better chance of Mr Cameron not being involved with a client than there would be later on. A little later his secretary returned my call and I was put through to him,

“Good morning Alistair, thank you for calling me back, your secretary told me when I rang earlier that you were preparing another case for presentation in court later.”

“My pleasure Rowan, it was just a quick divorce hearing, I have just got back to the office, now what can I do for you? There is still no progress on your inheritance claim, if that’s why you are calling. I am still investigating what options are open to us.”

“No, it’s not about that, well not directly anyway. I would like to meet with you to talk about a proposal for the three off us to stay at Dulnain Lodge for a while, but it’s something that I would rather discuss face-to-face. Can I come in to see you?”

“I’ve a better idea than that, I will be in Carrbridge this afternoon on another matter, I could pop over to see you afterwards, if that suits you.”

“That will save me a half-day drive, I’ll have a word with Mrs Mackintosh to see if she has time to make some of those delicious shortbread fingers you seemed so fond of, Or would you rather stay for dinner, you are welcome to join us.”

“Thanks for the offer but I need to get back to Inverness afterwards, though I will say yes to a cup of tea and some shortbread.”

I got together with the girls to agree, now they had slept on it and given it serious consideration, that they were still on board with the idea of staying at the Lodge for a few months. I really wanted to give it a go and it would be a lot more successful with them working with me.

“Alistair did not say no, he seemed quite intrigued as to what we wanted to do, he will be over later so we need to get our act together to present our case as best we can.”

When he arrived, Fiona showed him into the Snug where we were sitting waiting for him and she brought in a large pot of tea, with fresh-baked shortbread for him and currant scones ,jam and cream for us.

“Right Ladies, why have you dragged me over here, tell me more about your proposal.”I noticed that he had included me in the term Ladies’,it seemed that he had already accepted me as a woman and was treating me in the same way as he was treating the others

“Alistair, You told me that the wheels of justice turn slowly and that it may be some time before my claim for inheritance is resolved, In the meantime the house is being kept ticking over and we think that the estate needs a bit of direction. The three of us are recently qualified in relevant professions, me in Land Management, Kirsty in Architecture, and Morag in Environmental Studies, and although inexperienced in the real world, University has schooled us in modern approaches and trends. If we can be allowed to stay here, probably for up to three months we can quickly pull together proposals for some improvements to the Lodge and the estate, and how it is managed. No disrespect to you as the Trustee or Hamish as the Estate Manager, but we suggest that being hands on and living in the Lodge would give us more insight into what is being done really well and where improvements could be made.”

“What sort of fee would you expect for this analysis and report, I don’t want to commit the estate and any future owners to excessive charges.”

“At the moment we are not in employment, have no income, we are not entitled to any benefits, and are living on our meagre savings, so we are willing to do this for just board and lodging, with maybe a nominal amount to cover any day-to-day costs and living expenses we may have. So for the three of us for three months should only be in the order of £4000 to £5000.”

I can’t see a problem with that, you are not being too greedy. Do you want a contract of some sort or can we just do it on trust and cover any payments to you as running expenses for the estate?”

“That’s wonderful Alistair, on trust will be just fine. We need to go back to Aberdeen to get all our things and sort out the lease on our house, so we will probably be away for two or three days, and then we can get started. On another matter, if you have time, we have been talking to Fiona, Mrs Mackintosh, and she and Hamish are a bit worried about their future here. Is it possible for you to talk to them and let them know where they stand?”

“Obviously I cannot at this stage disclose to you what bequests and provisions have been made for them, but there is no reason for me not to tell them the relevant parts of the will. However I can reassure you that your great-aunt has made fair provision for them. Please call Hamish to come over and when he arrives show him and Fiona in here and I will put their minds at ease.”

Leaving Alistair, Fiona, and Hamish to discuss their business in private, we retired to the kitchen where we prepared a tray of sandwiches, cakes, and a fresh large pot of tea which we took in to them, to find them all smiling.

“Wonderful news girls, we have nothing to worry about, the Laird has done us proud in her will, according to Mr Cameron. Thank you for asking him to talk to us. He has also told us that you will be staying on for a while, and that we are to continue to look after the Lodge and estate while you are looking into what can be done here.” Fiona beamed with the good news she had just received.

“While we are staying here, you and Hamish do not have to constantly look after us as you did with the Laird. If you want to take time off, the three of us are perfectly capable of looking after ourselves. We insist that we will help you around the house and in the kitchen Fiona, and you can teach us how to make the wonderful food you have been providing for us, That applies to you as well Hamish, there is a lot you can teach Morag and me about the land and how to care for it and in return we can do a lot of the running around up in the hills for you.”

“Well everyone, I think we can call this a successful day, I had better be making tracks back to Inverness, I will leave you to finish that delicious tea tray and discuss between yourselves the details of how you will all work together. Goodnight Ladies, goodnight Hamish, I hope to be back soon.” Alistair said as he rose, gave a cheery ‘goodnight’ and left.

We left Fiona and Hamish to talk and went off to the warmth of the kitchen, to plan out our future in a bit more detail now that we had an agreement from Alistair.

“Ok girls, it’s now ‘burning our bridge’s time, it’s going to be an exciting three months, let’s all get ready to go back to Aberdeen tomorrow and sort things out, it’s the start of a new life for us all.”

Back in Aberdeen we quickly sorted our lease out with the landlord’s letting agency. They were actually glad see us go, they had a queue of people, mainly new students, looking to live there for three or more years while they completed their courses, whereas they were not expecting us to stay in the city for too long when we went off to start our careers. The house was leased fully furnished, so it was just a simple matter of packing our clothes and the other small personal possessions into our cars.

“What are you going to do with all your old boys’ clothes Rowan, you hardly need them now that you are living as a girl?” Morag, ever the practical one, asked the question that neither Kirsty or I had really considered.

“I’ll just take the good stuff, my suit, Jacket, best trousers, shirt and ties, along with a few bits and pieces that will work as girls’ stuff too, the rest can go in the bin or to a charity shop. One way or another I won’t need them again, my sloppy days as a student are over, and if things don’t work out at Dulnain I will have to find a more professional image.”

After giving the house a tidy up and a quick clean, we were soon ready to leave. With a last look at the house we had all shared together and twith he memories it contained, we bid farewell to our old lives in Aberdeen and were soon settled in at Dulnain Lodge. We took a few days to relax and adjust, wandering the estate, clearing the cobwebs from our minds, and discovering what was in all the 26 rooms of the Lodge, the various outbuildings, and the huts used by the beaters when they were staying on the estate for a shoot.

One morning after breakfast when Morag had gone out to inspect things on the moors, Kirsty asked me to go with her into the study for a bit of privacy as she said that we needed to have a serious talk.

“Rowan, are you sure that you are happy with what you are committing to for the next 3 months? Every day you are becoming more feminine, I don’t know what it is like for you, but I am finding it more and more difficult to see you as anything other than another girl, and sometimes I even forget.”

“Look Kirsty, I find it hard to explain, even to myself, but when I see all the portraits of Isobel and the strong women who followed her, I find myself being drawn to follow in their footsteps and do what I need to do to prove that I am worthy of the title of Laird of Dulnain. If that means dressing as a woman and wearing makeup for a while, so be it, clothes are just bits of material that hang on our bodies, what does it matter if they are shirt and trousers or blouse and skirt?”

“It’s not just the clothes though is it? The way you speak and express yourself, your posture and the way you walk, the attitudes you show, are all becomingly more and more indistinguishable from mine and Morag’s. Fiona and Hamish accept you as a girl and treat you just like Morag and me.I am worried that you are getting to the point when there will soon be no turning back.”

“I am trying to just get on with my life, carrying out my jobs around the Lodge and estate, I get up in the morning get dressed and put on my makeup as if I have been doing it all my life. I do not think 'I am pretending to be a girl today, I am putting on girls’ clothes’, I am just getting dressed and ready to start my work, despite what I am wearing I am still me.”

“Whatever you say, but I am still worried for you. As long as you are comfortable I will say no more, but if it ever gets too much for you and you want to talk about it, I’ll be here for you.”

“Now let’s just get on with what we are supposed to be doing this morning Kirsty, we have a lot of work to do over the next few weeks.”

The three of us threw ourselves into our project for the next couple of months and any thoughts of my conversation with Kirsty were soon forgotten as I just got on with living my working life as a girl, with what I was doing regarding my personal life confined to the back of my mind.

Morag was spending a lot of time outside, sometimes with Hamish, but much of it by herself, surveying the estate, the grounds, the forest, the moorland and the slopes of the mountain behind us, recording what was there and pulling together her thoughts on where improvements to the landscape could be made. We were looking at two main aspects, the quality and sustainability of the estate management, and the financial feasibility of some of the activities that the estate was involved in. We all felt that the estate had been ticking over in recent years and in many ways lagged behind changes in approach that were being developed elsewhere to ensure its continued viability in its current form.

Kirsty was doing something similar with the Lodge itself, initially assessing the soundness and weather-tightness of the building itself, and assessing where maintenance was required or would soon be necessary. She was surprised at what a good condition the building was in, the house was solidly built with thick granite stone walls and a heavy slate roof, virtually all in excellent condition. The solid construction tended to temper the extent of the extremes of weather found over the seasons. maintaining a reasonably comfortable temperature in the harshness of the long winters and the heat from the clear cloudless skies in the short high-summers. Over the years the house had grown from the central core of the Great Hall, kitchen and master bedrooms, and had been added to and extended many times as needs changed, often leading to confused interaction between the various areas. Her main focus became the sometimes inconvenient flow of activities between the various rooms, and what she glibly referred to as ‘major changes to the interior design and fit-out’.

My role was primarily to look at the financial management of the whole estate, and to determine a business plan to add to the range of activities taking place and where there was scope to develop new or enhanced income streams. The estate was just about paying its way, but without a new influx of money could easily start sliding down the slippery slope to financial ruin. It was obvious that new directions were needed if the estate was to continue in its present form without selling off some of the assets or land for commercial development. Every week we all got together for a formal coordination meeting, throwing our findings and suggestions into the melting pot of an overall plan, weeding out the impractical options and agreeing which needed to be more fully developed, while continuing to work on our individual reports and plans.

Soon we had our report completed, and eagerly awaited a visit from Alistair to get his reaction. I hoped that at the same time he could clarify the progress on dealing with my inheritance.

To be continued.

.

Chapter 4 Decisions

As Mr Cameron was really looking to me to be more involved long-term and saw me as the lead, it fell to me to pull together a draft of our report for discussion with him. I sent over a copy to him asking that he review it and then come over to Dulnain Lodge to discuss it with us all.

“What do you think Alistair, does any of it appeal to you and appear feasible?” I warily asked as we sat around the large table in the study.

“Before we look at the detail, I want to congratulate you all on an excellent, well-presented report and your analysis of the problems and potential of the estate, It is much better than those I have received from reputable commercial land agents, architects and environmental consultants. Many of the proposals are similar to those I have seen or heard about on other similar estates and well deserve to be taken forward. There are some aspects that I know will be contentious and difficult to progress, but in general you have put forward a set of proposals that will help the estate to continue for many years.”

“Thank you Alistair, please note that this is just a draft, there are some aspects that need more detailed discussion and costing, but if you are happy for us to continue along these lines we can finalise things and put forward our final report.”

“Whilst I am happy with what you are doing, at this stage I am not in a position to take things forward. Whilst the Laird appointed me as trustee of her estate, my role is limited and I would need agreement from the new Laird before any of the proposals can be implemented, as the new Laird is a joint trustee with me.”

“Is there any progress on that matter Alistair?” I eagerly asked, hoping that he could give me good news .

“There is and there isn’t. Are you happy to discuss this in front of Kirsty and Morag, or do you want to talk privately?”

“Actually, I would rather that they remain, from the look on your face it could be something confusing and I would like them to hear it first hand so that I can get their thoughts.”

“The main news is that I have heard from a firm specialising in ancestry tracing and it appears that there are no other valid contenders for the inheritance. The two world wars killed of a lot of your distant male relatives before they had the chance to start families, or left young childless widows, and many of the females lost their husbands or fiancé’s and remained unmarried. It seems that the inheritance either goes to you or passes into the hands of the National Trust. The only other option is for your uncle to take on the role, but the rule of living as a woman would apply to him in the same way that it does for you.”

“Surely that is the last thing that Aunt Elspeth would have wanted, from what I have seen and read she desperately wanted everything to remain in the family. Are you sure that there is nothing that can be done?”

“I have a suggestion, but this is rather extreme and embarrassing, so I will just get it out quickly and see what happens. To put it bluntly, I think that if you will can continue to live as a female, probably for the rest of your life, I may have found a get-out that will enable you to inherit
everything, the Estate, the House, all the assets and the Title.”

“You can’t be serious, I know that I have been living as a girl for a few months now, but for the rest of my life is a different matter.”

“That’s entirely your decision, but if I may say so, you have slipped into womanhood extremely successfully, you are accepted by Mrs Mackintosh and Mr McBean as female, and from what I have heard, anyone in the village you have met sees you as the new Laird, the female Laird. Physically you would have no problems adapting, particularly considering the wide range of medical treatments now available to people in your situation. Whether you could deal with the psychological issues is another matter and only you know whether you could deal with them.”

“I’m not sure what exactly I want to do with my life, unlike a lot of people I do not have it all planned out, but becoming a woman was definitely not on the agenda. I will think about it and let you know. Anyway, you have told me that the terms of the will say that everything must pass on to a woman to continue the family history, how do you propose to get around that?”

“This may seem like a bit of legal jiggery-pokery but your Great-aunt was either deliberately or accidentally a bit loose in her language in the will and associated letter to you. The phrase she used is ‘with the condition that it could only be passed to descendants, seen as strong determined women in perpetual honour of her courage.’ Note the inclusion of the words ‘seen as’. That could be interpreted as those that were not strong and determined but weak and submissive would not qualify to inherit, but it could also be interpreted as allowing people such as yourself who appear to all to be women, to be included. As Trustee I am willing to accept that second interpretation and allow you to inherit. However I must stress that if you choose not to accept the condition that you are seen as a woman, or in future decide to revert to your natural state as male, then I must insist that you revoke all your rights. I’m sorry to be so legalistic about this but I feel that my hands are tied and I have no choice.”

“This is all a bit much, I need time to consider everything you have told me. Having lived here for a few months, and seen what could be done to the estate if the proposals suggested by Kirsty and Morag were to be implemented, and having absorbed some of its spirit and character, I would really like to drive it forward and make improvements for the success of the whole enterprise to grow. However it will mean a totally different life for me, for which I am not prepared.”

“I stress the words‘seen as’. I wouldn’t require you to necessarily actually physically become a woman, but merely to continue to appear and act as one, you wouldn’t be the first man to live life acknowledged as a woman. Please don’t rule it out of hand, have a think about it, discuss it with Kirsty, Morag, and your family then let me know. Meanwhile I am happy for you to continue to stay here as long as you wish, but one way or another the matter needs to be resolved and a new Laird or new owners appointed. Let me know what you decide.”

When he had gone, the three of us sat in stunned silence with our own thoughts for a while, before Kirsty started the conversation.

“Rowan, I told you a few weeks ago that you’re getting to the point where you needed make a decision about continuing to live as a girl, I think that you are now at that point of no return. Alistair had a fair point, other than one or two physical issues, you are now as much of a girl as Morag and me. You dress as girl, look like a girl, behave as a girl, and sometimes it seems you even think as a girl. This is a great opportunity for you to do something significant in your life, would continuing to live as a girl or a woman be such a major problem for you?”

“What about you Morag? What do you think, does it not all seem a bit weird. What would you think of me if I chose to go down that path?”

“I’m with Kirsty on this. When we were going through university in Aberdeen you became a good friend as well as a flatmate and helped us both through some troubled times. After we got to know each other well, you were just seen as a friend, someone sharing life with us, even more so after the others left and we talked you into dressing as a girl. Since we came here I only now ever think of you as a girl and will continue to be your friend if you choose to remain as one. The other thing, being selfish, I have grown to love this place and would be sorry to have to leave, and if you do decide to take on the role of Laird, I would be happy to work with you as Estate manager.”

“That last bit goes for me too.” added Kirsty. “This house has so much potential, and I would love to start my career reorganising and restyling the place as we have proposed. After a few years doing that, unlike Morag, I do not see a long term career role here for me, but I would love to use Dulnain Lodge as the springboard for similar work on other estates.”

“Does that mean that you would be leaving us Kirsty to set yourself up somewhere else?”

“Not necessarily, a business address of Dulnain Lodge would be quite impressive, particularly when talking to potential clients on other estates, the landed classes do tend to stick together and trust others in the same position as themselves. If you could find room for me and possibly some staff, I would be delighted to stay.”

“Thanks for all your support and kind words girls, this is a major decision for me, but it is good to know that you are willing to support me if I do decide to stay, you are both really good friends.”

Over the next dew days I spent a lot of time by myself, wandering the forest and moors, trying to find a balance between my heart and my head. I was torn between loyalty to my Aunt Elspeth and her wishes, my friendship with Morag and Kirsty and their hopes and aspirations, and the plans I had previously mapped out for my life and career as a man. Aunt Elspeth had put me in a difficult position and there seemed no easy painless choice.

One evening a few days later as I was wandering through the forest, watching the sun set over the Lochan and the mountains, listening to the roar of the stags and the bark of the hinds, enthralled by the timeless beauty of it all, I came to the decision that there was no way that I could give up and leave this wonderful place and that I would be happy to spend the rest of my life here, although that would mean becoming a woman, or at least living completely as one.

Once I had come to that decision a cloud lifted off my mind and I hurried back to the Lodge to tell the girls.

“At last I have finally accepted my destiny, my past is in the past, my future is here at Dulnain as the Laird.” I told them excitedly.

“That’s what we expected, the spirit of this place got to you the minute we moved in here. You are obviously going to have to continue to live as a woman, but do you think that you will actually transition to fully become one of us.” asked Morag, bluntly getting straight to the point.

“That decision is in the future, even if I was sure that this is what I wanted to do, there are all sorts of formalities and legal procedures to go through before I get to that point. For a while at least, I will just continue as I am. I am accepted by everyone I meet as a young woman, so there is no need to rush into any actions immediately.”

“Morag and I have been talking about this as we thought that would be your decision. Just to let you know, Morag and I are with you all the way and will support you as long as you need us. It will mean lots of changes for you and you need the help of your friends to ensure it all goes smoothly.You need to start getting organised, you need to tell Alistair so that he can get the legalities under way, and you need to tell your family, your Auntie Carol and Uncle Stephen. Do they know how you have been living for the last few months?”

“No they don’t, I was hoping to leave that conversation until I was definite about what I was going to do. I haven’t spoken to them since leaving university, but have been keeping in touch with them by email, I just told them that I had got a job up here that was taking all my time and that I would come to see them for a weekend when I managed to get some spare time.”

“To be fair to them, I think that you should have that conversation sooner rather than later, they raised you from when you were a young child, they deserve to know, they are effectively your parents, you can’t keep putting it off.” Kirsty continued.

“I’ll have a word with Alistair first, I don’t want to upset things at home until I know that there are no longer any legal problems. As you both have said, it needs to be sooner rather than later. I’ll call him first thing in the morning, I doubt that he will still be in the office at this time of night.”

“Good Morning Alistair, I’ve been thinking long and hard about your suggestion that I could become Laird and inherit the Dulnain Estate and everything , but only if I agreed to continue to live as a woman. I have decided to accept those terms, and fully comply with Aunt Elspeth’s wishes, can you please complete whatever legalities you need to deal with.”

“I’m glad that this can now be finalised, it has dragged out a lot longer than I had hoped, although I can understand why you have taken so long to decide, it is a huge personal decision for you. Normally in your situation it would be recommended that you legally change your name by deed poll. to a more feminine option, but in your case, you could keep it the same same as it is fairly neutral between the genders, and it will make things easier for you. Unless you don’t want to do that I suggest that you get your driving licence changed as quickly as possible to show you as female, as there are often delays in the system. It is a relatively simple process, and it could save a lot of embarrassment if you have an accident or are stopped by the police for whatever reason.

The same goes for your passport if you are proposing to go out of the country. It is more difficult to change your National Insurance and tax records, for those you need a Gender Recognition Certificate, but you can only get that after living your new gender for at least 2 years. However I must advise you that gender recognition legislation is very controversial and confused at present and it may be best to wait before making any commitment. If you were being employed that could prove awkward and embarrassing with your employers, but as you will the owner of the Dulnain estate and will effectively be self-employed that should not be a problem. You should easily be able to deal with the driving licence and passport yourself, it can all be done online, but if you have any problems let me know. Meanwhile, I’ll sort things out for you to take over the estate and come to see you in a couple of weeks to sign everything off.”

“Thank you so much for all your help Alistair, you could have been a lot more legalistic and inflexible. See you soon.”

That was the easy conversation, I was not looking forward to the next, with Auntie Carol and Uncle Stephen.

After Alistair had left. Kirsty’s phone trilled and her eyes lit up when she checked out the caller.

“Hi Lexie, how are you settling into your new job?” Followed by a long one-sided conversation interrupted only occasionally by short meaningless comments from Kirsty., closing the chat with “I’ll have a talk with the others and I’ll ring you back.”

“What was all that about, we couldn’t pick up any of her side of the chat?” Morag could hardly wait to hear any news.

“Important things first, she was asking if we were going to the graduation ceremony at the end of the month. Apparently Callum didn’t get the job he was promised , so has taken a gap year and is now somewhere in New Zealand, and Rory is on an intense training course and will not be able to get away. She didn’t want to go without any of her friends and was wondering if we would all like to meet up and go together.”

“That would be brilliant, what are her plans, will she be booking a hotel in Aberdeen?” I quickly asked.

“That’s why I told her that I’d talk to you all first. Apparently when she started her job in Edinburgh with a renewable energy company, after an introductory session she was transferred to a project office in Stornoway on the isle of Lewis, Although she could have flown, it would have been a long tortuous flight with several transfers so she decided to face a long drive instead. She’s cutting across country via Inverness and will be passing not too far away from us. I was thinking about asking her to leave a day early and stop over with us here for a night or two before us all going on to Aberdeen together, what do you both think?”

“Ring her back and see if she fancies that, it would be great to see her again and catch up.” I enthusiastically replied.

“Don’t forget, she has no idea of how you have changed, are you OK with her meeting the new you?”

“Don’t be silly, I’m not worried. You two have readily accepted me, I can’t see a problem with Lexie, you all almost treated me as one of the girls anyway, I‘ve just taken it a bit further. But don’t tell her about me or the Lodge, we’ll give her a big surprise when she gets here.” Ten minutes later it was all agreed, she would arrive the day before the ceremony and stay for the rest of the week.

“Anyway, what are you going to do about the graduation ceremony, will you be going as male or female?”

“I’ve been thinking about that and want to do both. For the actual ceremony I’ll be wearing a suit, shirt and tie, it will be nice for my parents have a photo of me receiving my degree in the academic robes. But then I’ll get changed into a dress and makeup, do my hair then get more photos taken with you all and my parents. I’d like a photo of the Laird receiving her degree too, but obviously not going up onto the main podium again. When my inheritance is fully confirmed I intend to get it copied into a portrait to hang next to Great aunt Elspeth”
.
Soon afterwards I phoned back home, my uncle and aunt needed to know how I was now living.

Luckily when I rang, it was answered by Auntie Carol, I felt it would be an easier conversation with her than it would be with Uncle Stephen.

“Hello Mam.“ I started using the name I had called her almost from the start since she took me in, trying my best to revert to my recently unused and almost forgotten male voice.

“Hello Pet, it’s a long while since you have been in touch, emails don’t count in my generation, when are you coming down to see us?”

“That’s why I’m calling. I’ll be coming down tomorrow on the train to save a tiring long drive, can you meet me in the main lounge at the Castle Hotel, it’s not too far from the station. This may sound strange, can you come alone, not with Dad?”

“What’s up, is there something wrong?”

“No Mam, everything’s going well, it’s just that there is something I need to discuss with you, and it will be easier without Dad. If it’s all fine with you, I’ll get there just after half past two.”

“Ok pet, see you then, bye.”

There would be no going back after visiting my uncle and aunt and I slept rather fitfully worried about how Mam was likely to react to the new me.

To be continued.

.

It had been a long tiring train journey with several changes but I arrived there in plenty time to freshen myself up, redo my makeup, make myself presentable and order a coffee to calm myself down. I wanted to make a good impression the first time Aunt Carol saw the new me, and was wearing a tailored skirt suit and blouse, with my hair held back from my face with side-combs.

it was a meeting that i was worried about, how my family would react to the new me, although I had already made my decision and hoped that they would understand.

A little while later, I saw her come in and look around for me, but her eyes passed me by, and she started to go to another table near me to await my arrival. As she passed my table I called out to her “Mam I’m just here, please come and join me.” She looked around again before suddenly realising that it was me, took a sharp intake of breath and almost fainted with shock.”

“Is that you Rowan?”

“It is Mam,” I said standing up to give her a hug, “Please don’t make a scene, sit down and I will get you a drink to calm your nerves then I will tell you all about what has happened.”

As I went to the bar to order, I felt her eyes following me all the way, trying to take in and make sense of what she was seeing.

“Sorry to shock you like that Mam, but this is how I am now living. Please leave the questions until I am finished telling you what has happened.”

As I told her everything from the first call from the solicitors to my decision to take on the role of Laird of Dulnain, she sat silently in awe looking at every detail of the way I appeared and was dressed and listening to my now feminine voice and the way I was expressing myself. When I had finished she looked at me with a tear forming in her eye for several minutes, getting her thoughts together before she spoke again.

“I understand why you wanted to see me without your Dad, I’m sure that he would’ve made a scene, it takes him a while to consider things carefully and his tongue often races well ahead of his brain. I am delighted for you that you have received your inheritance, but am shocked at the position your Great-aunt put you in, and surprised at your acceptance of the conditions of the will, you could have made a successful personal and professional life as you were, You have never given us any idea that you were confused about your gender, you have always seemed to be just a normal boy.” She almost whispered the last few words in case anyone was within hearing range.

“That’s because that is who I still am despite these clothes and the rest of my appearance. In your terms I have always been a normal boy and until all this came up, living or even just dressing as a girl had never entered my head. If you could see Dulnain estate and Lodge Mam you would maybe understand why I have been drawn to it, it is the most delightful place.“

I quickly continued before she started asking me more questions. “I had always intended to make a career in estate management, hopefully working for one of the bigger land agents, I now have the opportunity to practice that but on my own terms, without having to bend to the will of any clients, who are usually absentees, visiting their estates only for the shooting season, or as a business weekend with some of their associates. Obviously if you and Dad can accept that I am now who you see before you, you will will be more than welcome anytime you want to visit and stay, I’ll be delighted to see you.”

“What happens now?”

“I am staying here tonight, please go home and tell Dad everything, and if you and he can accept me as I now am, I will be waiting here for you both tomorrow morning.”

As we got up to say goodbye, she took another long look at me, and gave me a big hug before leaving deep in thought, with another last look over her shoulder at me.

Although everything was now out in the open, the ball was firmly in their court, I just had to bide my time and wait for their reaction. I slept fitfully wondering how the conversation between her and Uncle Stephen had gone and whether they would return in the morning, or choose to ignore me and my new life.

I rose early. Packed my bags, went for breakfast, booked out of my room and went to wait in the lounge. I was just finishing my second coffee and about to order a third when I felt the breeze as the door opened and Auntie Carol came in alone.

I was disappointed that when she came in that she was by herself, dreading what she had to say about Uncle Stephen’s reaction, but she came over to me smiling. “Your dad is just parking the car, he’ll be here in a minute or two. Let’s order fresh coffee while we are waiting for him.”

A few minutes later I saw him come in, lock eyes with me, and rush over to give me a long hug.
“Your Mam told me to look out for the bonniest lassie in the room and she was right, but she didn’t mention that it would be the two bonniest women that would be waiting for me. It will all take a bit of time for me to get used to everything, but you do make a braw wee woman. Now we have got everything into the open are you coming back home to spend a few days with us, we have a lot to talk about. I was always looking forward to you helping me on the farm, but I suppose that now you’ll probably be spending more time in the house with your Mam.”

“Dad, despite everything, I am still me, of course I’ll muck in with you looking after the sheep and the beasts while I am here, just like I have always done, let’s get home and I will tell you all about Dulnain and show you some photos.”

We soon arrived back at the farm and settled down, they wanted to know all the details of Great-aunt Elspeth, the house, and estate and I was delighted and proud to get them up to date. When they saw the photos of the house, grounds, and the estate they were entranced “It looks an amazing place Rowan, I can understand why you are so keen to take it on, but are you sure that there is nothing you can do to get the terms of getting the will changed?” Uncle Stephen asked with a concerned voice.

“Mr Cameron, the lawyer and executor of Aunt Elspeth’s will said that there is very little wriggle room. He is walking a fine line letting me take on the estate knowing that I am not a biological woman, so my options are to give it all up or live as the Laird, as a woman. The only other option is for you to become the Laird on the same terms, living as a woman. It has been a difficult choice but I have made my decision and have committed to running the estate to continue the family line.”

“But you won’t be able to do that, even though you will be living a woman you won’t be able to have children, so that will be the end of the line anyway, it just puts it all off for fifty years or so.” Auntie Carol had always been keen for me to eventually settle down and raise a family.

‘Mam, I may have to live as a woman, but Mr Cameron has made it clear that I don’t have to physically become one, I can father a child with a surrogate and pass it off as my own, as if I have given birth to it. I even have someone in mind to help me out. Two of my university friends, Kirsty and Morag will be helping me run the estate, and I am hoping that at least one of them will be willing to carry a child for me.”

“I suppose this means that you won’t be coming back to take over the family farm here. I was hoping you could manage the place and let me start to run down to retirement.”

“Dad, I know that you have put a lot of effort into improving the farm, but it is only a tenancy, you will never own it and the landowner may not even agree to pass the tenancy on to me. When you feel that it is getting too much for you, surrender the lease to someone new and you can move into Dulnain Lodge with me and help manage one of the small tenant farms on the estate, or just retire completely if that is what you want to do. Anyway, why not come up for a few days, I expect that you will be coming up for my graduation anyway. Stay for a day or two, have a look around and think about it. I’m sure that one of your neighbours could help with looking after the stock while you are away.”

By the time I left after the long weekend, they had adjusted to seeing me in a skirt and makeup, even Uncle Stephen was no longer constantly looking at me as if questioning what I was doing. They promised to come up to see me and the Dulnain estate a couple of weeks later after they had arranged for someone to look after the farm and care for the livestock.

After another long and tiring train journey and a three-quarters of an hour drive from Inverness, I eventually arrived back at the Lodge, where Kirsty and Morag were keen to sit down with me and find out how my visit home had gone. After going to my room to change and freshen up we sat down to chat and let me relax over dinner.

“Well then, did it go well with your Auntie and Uncle, or did you give them a heart attack when they first saw you?” eagerly asked Morag.

“I met with Mam first, as I was expecting her to be more sympathetic than Dad but I thought she was going to pass out with shock after she first saw the new me. She went home to talk it through with Dad, returned with him the following morning and they took me back home. Once they got over the initial shock, they seem to have accepted my decision to continue living as a woman and take over as Laird. They will be coming up here for a few days for the graduation and are looking forward to meeting you both, I told them all about your roles in helping me to come to terms with my legacy.”

“Oh dear, they won’t be blaming us for turning you from their son to their daughter will they? I don’t want any ill-will spoiling things.” Kirsty looked uneasy at the prospect of being accused of forcing me to change.

“Not at all, in fact once I told them that everything was totally my decision, they were quite grateful that you both had helped me to adjust so smoothly.”

“Where’s Fiona tonight, is she not joining us for dinner?” I was suddenly awake that she was not with us.

“She decided that while you were away she would go and visit her brother for a few days, so we’ve been looking after ourselves over the weekend.”

“It’s a good thing then that she prepared some meals for you before she left, this game pie is delicious.“

“Oh ye of little faith,” snapped back Kirsty with a big grin, “is that the thanks we get for slaving away in the kitchen all afternoon making this for you?”

“What, the pair of you did this? We won’t have to worry about Fiona having time off whenever she needs to.”

“She did leave us a load of clear instructions and a freezer and cupboard full of all the ingredients, but it took us twice as long as she had told us it would.”

After we had cleared up we sat down with a bottle of wine as I told them that I needed to have a serious talk with them.

“You are not going to ask us to leave are you?” Morag asked looking worried and disappointed.

“Far from it Morag, It’s just that when I was talking to Auntie Carol, she raised a very significant question. As Aunt Elspeth said, the whole point of my taking over here is to continue the hereditary line and keep the house and estate in the family. Unless I am just putting off the inevitable for sixty years or more before the whole situation of a successor arises again when I pass on, I need to start thinking about the next generation.”

“How do you propose to do that, obviously you cannot produce an heir yourself, you are going to have to somehow find someone to accept you as you now are and start a family?”

“ I’ve been thinking about this on the long trip back up here, and I need to check a few legal issues out with Alistair, but my proposal is that I find a way to make it appear that I have produced the heir myself. I am still fully functioning as a male and getting sperm samples should not be a problem if I can find someone to carry the child on my behalf, someone who will be prepared to be a surrogate and legally give up the child to me immediately after it is born, register the birth with me named as the mother, and bring up him or her, hopefully her, as if they were my natural child.”

“But there are all sorts of issues regarding surrogacy and adoption, everything is registered and recorded nowadays, how are you going to keep it all secret?”

That is the difficult bit Morag, but if the surrogate was out of the public eye living here, and I appeared to everyone as a typical pregnant mother-to-be, with a lot of help from good prosthetics, the only people that would know would be me and the doctor.”

A few days later Morag came to have a talk with me.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said about surrogacy, I fully understand how important it is to you to have an heir and keep the estate in your family for at least another generation. I am prepared to help you out, but I would like to wait until things have settled down, and I need to have a talk with Alistair about the legalities.”

“That wonderful, Morag, I am in no rush either and I agree that there will be a lot of things to sort out. Have you discussed it with Kirsty?”

“We have, and she has made it very clear that, although she really values your friendship, she does not see it as something she wants to do, she wants to concentrate on her career, helping you to develop Dulnain Lodge as a springboard for other getting commissions for similar projects.”

“What about your career and how it would affect you?”

“As I said I want things to settle down first, my immediate career will be learning from Hamish, drawing on his many years of experience as the starting point for many of the ideas that I put forward in the report and then bringing them to fruition.”

“That’s fine with me Morag, we have a lot to do here before we think of settling down with a family,”

As we had discussed, I called Alistair and asked him to come over to discuss the option of surrogacy with us. I suggested that he could come over for the evening on on our graduation day, as we would be having a celebration dinner, and that we’d prepare a room for him to stay the night.

Mam and Dad arrived late Wednesday afternoon, two days before the graduation. After greeting them with hugs. I showed them to their room to freshen up before quickly taking them through the main rooms in the Lodge and telling them about the estate .

“This is amazing Rowan, I can understand why you are prepared to change your life to live here and manage the estate, the views from the window up to the mountains is a delight.” Mam was so excited, wanting to have a good look around and meet Morag and Kirsty.

“We’ll see how we feel after a couple of days with you about your suggestion of leaving the farm and moving up here, but from what I have already seen, I’m seriously thinking about it.” Dad, who had always been a lot more reserved and taciturn, was not getting carried away like Mam.

Fiona had laid out a selection of cakes, sandwiches, teas and coffee for us while I introduced them to Morag and Kirsty.

“Rowan has told us a lot about you girls and the times you all had together at university, how you convinced him to take up his inheritance and helped him to adjust to his life as a girl. I wasn’t sure whether to thank you or moan at you for changing my son into a daughter but he seems happy enough.” Mam was doing most of the talking for them, Dad could hardly takes his eyes off the lavish structure and dressing of the evening lounge we were sitting in.

“You need have no worries about Rowan,” Kirsty replied. “She has adjusted to life as a girl, everyone just accepts her as a girl, including Fiona our housekeeper who prepared this spread for us, and Hamish, her estate manager who we all spend a lot of time with. Hopefully her solicitor can soon clear all the details of the inheritance and Rowan can officially become Lady Rowan Grant, the Laird of Dulnain.”

“At first Kirsty and I treated it as bit of fun dressing Rowan in my clothes, putting on makeup and restyling his hair, but he turned out to be an attractive young woman as you can see, and we look forward to working with her to develop the estate for her and her successors.” Morag enthusiastically added.

“It’s nice to meet you both at last, and I thank you for all the help and friendship you have given to Rowan and I hope that will continue in the future. Anyway now that we all have met each other, how about a tour of the house, we’ve only seen the entrance hall, stairs and our room, I’m sure there is a lot more interesting things to see.” Mam was so eager to take it all in.

“Mam, I’ll leave you with Kirsty for the tour, she has been looking at the architectural side of things and knows all the nooks and crannies a lot better than I do. I’ll go out with Dad and Morag for a quick look around the estate in the Land-rover, I’m sure that he will be more interested in that side of things. Come on Dad we’’ll get you kitted out in some warm outdoor clothes and have a quick tour of the estate.”

We did the same tour that Hamish had taken me on the first time I came to the lodge, the lower slopes of the mountains, back down through the forest, stopping off at the lochan to take in the views.

“Hamish tells us that the lochan is well stocked with trout, roach and perch. Next time you come to Dulnain Dad you’ll have to come up here , I know that you like to go fishing on the odd occasions that you have a bit of spare time. Anyway, it’s time we were heading back to the Lodge, it’ll be getting dark soon, the night draws in very quickly up here.”

I had planned something grander with Fiona’s help as a graduation celebration dinner two days later but tonight was to be just a relatively normal family dinner at the large kitchen table. When we got back those of us that had been up in the hills changed into something dry and warm before all going in to dinner.

Fiona brought in a steaming bowl of broth and fresh-made bannock to warm us up and was going to return to the kitchen when I called her back.

“Unless there is something you need to keep an eye on Fiona, sit down and join us, you’ve became almost one of the family over the last few months, we can’t have you banished to the kitchen like you had to do with Aunt Elspeth.”

Fiona did us proud with delicious meal, the broth was followed by trout, fresh caught by Hamish in the lochan, on a bed of baked fresh vegetables from the walled garden, and a tart of wild bilberries with a whisky and honey glaze, finished off with another bottle of the 50 year-old Grant single malt.

“I don’t know about everyone else,” Dad said a bit later “but it has been be a long day today, and I’m tired after the drive to up here, if you don’t mind Ladies I’ve decided on an early night.”. He was soon joined by Mum leaving the four of us to help Fiona tidy up.

“Right Ladies, I’ve arranged for Fiona to prepare us a special celebratory meal in the evening after the graduation and would like it to be a bit formal. I’ll be wearing a full-skirted white evening dress, with a modern Grant tartan sash, accessorised with a corsage of pine and rowan berries fixed with a clan badge clasp. I’ve ordered sashes, badges and corsages for you all in your family clan tartans and if you haven’t got any formal dresses with you, have a look round the shops in Grantown-on-Spey tomorrow or when we are in Aberdeen for the graduation. Dad, doesn’t know, and I’ve never seen him in a kilt, but I’ve ordered a full highland outfit for him, obviously it is all being charged to the estate, as I’ve agreed with Alistair Cameron, who will also be coming. Fiona, you are invited too, along with Hamish and Elizabeth. I’ve arranged for Jeannie from the Inn and a couple of her staff to plate up and serve the meals so you can enjoy the evening like the rest of us. Let’s all help Fiona to tidy up and then we can all have early nights, like Dad.”

To be continued