The Laird ch5

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It had been a long tiring train journey with several changes but I arrived there in plenty time to freshen myself up, redo my makeup, make myself presentable and order a coffee to calm myself down. I wanted to make a good impression the first time Aunt Carol saw the new me, and was wearing a tailored skirt suit and blouse, with my hair held back from my face with side-combs.

it was a meeting that i was worried about, how my family would react to the new me, although I had already made my decision and hoped that they would understand.

A little while later, I saw her come in and look around for me, but her eyes passed me by, and she started to go to another table near me to await my arrival. As she passed my table I called out to her “Mam I’m just here, please come and join me.” She looked around again before suddenly realising that it was me, took a sharp intake of breath and almost fainted with shock.”

“Is that you Rowan?”

“It is Mam,” I said standing up to give her a hug, “Please don’t make a scene, sit down and I will get you a drink to calm your nerves then I will tell you all about what has happened.”

As I went to the bar to order, I felt her eyes following me all the way, trying to take in and make sense of what she was seeing.

“Sorry to shock you like that Mam, but this is how I am now living. Please leave the questions until I am finished telling you what has happened.”

As I told her everything from the first call from the solicitors to my decision to take on the role of Laird of Dulnain, she sat silently in awe looking at every detail of the way I appeared and was dressed and listening to my now feminine voice and the way I was expressing myself. When I had finished she looked at me with a tear forming in her eye for several minutes, getting her thoughts together before she spoke again.

“I understand why you wanted to see me without your Dad, I’m sure that he would’ve made a scene, it takes him a while to consider things carefully and his tongue often races well ahead of his brain. I am delighted for you that you have received your inheritance, but am shocked at the position your Great-aunt put you in, and surprised at your acceptance of the conditions of the will, you could have made a successful personal and professional life as you were, You have never given us any idea that you were confused about your gender, you have always seemed to be just a normal boy.” She almost whispered the last few words in case anyone was within hearing range.

“That’s because that is who I still am despite these clothes and the rest of my appearance. In your terms I have always been a normal boy and until all this came up, living or even just dressing as a girl had never entered my head. If you could see Dulnain estate and Lodge Mam you would maybe understand why I have been drawn to it, it is the most delightful place.“

I quickly continued before she started asking me more questions. “I had always intended to make a career in estate management, hopefully working for one of the bigger land agents, I now have the opportunity to practice that but on my own terms, without having to bend to the will of any clients, who are usually absentees, visiting their estates only for the shooting season, or as a business weekend with some of their associates. Obviously if you and Dad can accept that I am now who you see before you, you will will be more than welcome anytime you want to visit and stay, I’ll be delighted to see you.”

“What happens now?”

“I am staying here tonight, please go home and tell Dad everything, and if you and he can accept me as I now am, I will be waiting here for you both tomorrow morning.”

As we got up to say goodbye, she took another long look at me, and gave me a big hug before leaving deep in thought, with another last look over her shoulder at me.

Although everything was now out in the open, the ball was firmly in their court, I just had to bide my time and wait for their reaction. I slept fitfully wondering how the conversation between her and Uncle Stephen had gone and whether they would return in the morning, or choose to ignore me and my new life.

I rose early. Packed my bags, went for breakfast, booked out of my room and went to wait in the lounge. I was just finishing my second coffee and about to order a third when I felt the breeze as the door opened and Auntie Carol came in alone.

I was disappointed that when she came in that she was by herself, dreading what she had to say about Uncle Stephen’s reaction, but she came over to me smiling. “Your dad is just parking the car, he’ll be here in a minute or two. Let’s order fresh coffee while we are waiting for him.”

A few minutes later I saw him come in, lock eyes with me, and rush over to give me a long hug.
“Your Mam told me to look out for the bonniest lassie in the room and she was right, but she didn’t mention that it would be the two bonniest women that would be waiting for me. It will all take a bit of time for me to get used to everything, but you do make a braw wee woman. Now we have got everything into the open are you coming back home to spend a few days with us, we have a lot to talk about. I was always looking forward to you helping me on the farm, but I suppose that now you’ll probably be spending more time in the house with your Mam.”

“Dad, despite everything, I am still me, of course I’ll muck in with you looking after the sheep and the beasts while I am here, just like I have always done, let’s get home and I will tell you all about Dulnain and show you some photos.”

We soon arrived back at the farm and settled down, they wanted to know all the details of Great-aunt Elspeth, the house, and estate and I was delighted and proud to get them up to date. When they saw the photos of the house, grounds, and the estate they were entranced “It looks an amazing place Rowan, I can understand why you are so keen to take it on, but are you sure that there is nothing you can do to get the terms of getting the will changed?” Uncle Stephen asked with a concerned voice.

“Mr Cameron, the lawyer and executor of Aunt Elspeth’s will said that there is very little wriggle room. He is walking a fine line letting me take on the estate knowing that I am not a biological woman, so my options are to give it all up or live as the Laird, as a woman. The only other option is for you to become the Laird on the same terms, living as a woman. It has been a difficult choice but I have made my decision and have committed to running the estate to continue the family line.”

“But you won’t be able to do that, even though you will be living a woman you won’t be able to have children, so that will be the end of the line anyway, it just puts it all off for fifty years or so.” Auntie Carol had always been keen for me to eventually settle down and raise a family.

‘Mam, I may have to live as a woman, but Mr Cameron has made it clear that I don’t have to physically become one, I can father a child with a surrogate and pass it off as my own, as if I have given birth to it. I even have someone in mind to help me out. Two of my university friends, Kirsty and Morag will be helping me run the estate, and I am hoping that at least one of them will be willing to carry a child for me.”

“I suppose this means that you won’t be coming back to take over the family farm here. I was hoping you could manage the place and let me start to run down to retirement.”

“Dad, I know that you have put a lot of effort into improving the farm, but it is only a tenancy, you will never own it and the landowner may not even agree to pass the tenancy on to me. When you feel that it is getting too much for you, surrender the lease to someone new and you can move into Dulnain Lodge with me and help manage one of the small tenant farms on the estate, or just retire completely if that is what you want to do. Anyway, why not come up for a few days, I expect that you will be coming up for my graduation anyway. Stay for a day or two, have a look around and think about it. I’m sure that one of your neighbours could help with looking after the stock while you are away.”

By the time I left after the long weekend, they had adjusted to seeing me in a skirt and makeup, even Uncle Stephen was no longer constantly looking at me as if questioning what I was doing. They promised to come up to see me and the Dulnain estate a couple of weeks later after they had arranged for someone to look after the farm and care for the livestock.

After another long and tiring train journey and a three-quarters of an hour drive from Inverness, I eventually arrived back at the Lodge, where Kirsty and Morag were keen to sit down with me and find out how my visit home had gone. After going to my room to change and freshen up we sat down to chat and let me relax over dinner.

“Well then, did it go well with your Auntie and Uncle, or did you give them a heart attack when they first saw you?” eagerly asked Morag.

“I met with Mam first, as I was expecting her to be more sympathetic than Dad but I thought she was going to pass out with shock after she first saw the new me. She went home to talk it through with Dad, returned with him the following morning and they took me back home. Once they got over the initial shock, they seem to have accepted my decision to continue living as a woman and take over as Laird. They will be coming up here for a few days for the graduation and are looking forward to meeting you both, I told them all about your roles in helping me to come to terms with my legacy.”

“Oh dear, they won’t be blaming us for turning you from their son to their daughter will they, I don’t want any ill-will spoiling things.” Kirsty looked uneasy at the prospect of being accused of forcing me to change.

“Not at all, in fact once I told them that everything was totally my decision, they were quite grateful that you both had helped me to adjust so smoothly.”

“Where’s Fiona tonight, is she not joining us for dinner?” I was suddenly awake that she was not with us.

“She decided that while you were away she would go and visit her brother for a few days, so we’ve been looking after ourselves over the weekend.”

“It’s a good thing then that she prepared some meals for you before she left, this game pie is delicious.“

“Oh ye of little faith,” snapped back Kirsty with a big grin, “is that the thanks we get for slaving away in the kitchen all afternoon making this for you?”

“What, the pair of you did this? We won’t have to worry about Fiona having time off whenever she needs to.”

“She did leave us a load of clear instructions and a freezer and cupboard full of all the ingredients, but it took us twice as long as she had told us it would.”

After we had cleared up we sat down with a bottle of wine as I told them that I needed to have a serious talk with them.

“You are not going to ask us to leave are you?” Morag asked looking worried and disappointed.

“Far from it Morag, It’s just that when I was talking to Auntie Carol, she raised a very significant question. As Aunt Elspeth said, the whole point of my taking over here is to continue the hereditary line and keep the house and estate in the family. Unless I am just putting off the inevitable for sixty years or more before the whole situation of a successor arises again when I pass on, I need to start thinking about the next generation.”

“How do you propose to do that, obviously you cannot produce an heir yourself, you are going to have to somehow find someone to accept you as you now are and start a family?”

“ I’ve been thinking about this on the long trip back up here, and I need to check a few legal issues out with Alistair, but my proposal is that I find a way to make it appear that I have produced the heir myself. I am still fully functioning as a male and getting sperm samples should not be a problem if I can find someone to carry the child on my behalf, someone who will be prepared to be a surrogate and legally give up the child to me immediately after it is born, register the birth with me named as the mother, and bring up him or her, hopefully her, as if they were my natural child.”

“But there are all sorts of issues regarding surrogacy and adoption, everything is registered and recorded nowadays, how are you going to keep it all secret?”

That is the difficult bit Morag, but if the surrogate was out of the public eye living here, and I appeared to everyone as a typical pregnant mother-to-be, with a lot of help from good prosthetics, the only people that would know would be me and the doctor.”

A few days later Morag came to have a talk with me.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said about surrogacy, I fully understand how important it is to you to have an heir and keep the estate in your family for at least another generation. I am prepared to help you out, but I would like to wait until things have settled down, and I need to have a talk with Alistair about the legalities.”

“That wonderful, Morag, I am in no rush either and I agree that there will be a lot of things to sort out. Have you discussed it with Kirsty?”

“We have, and she has made it very clear that, although she really values your friendship, she does not see it as something she wants to do, she wants to concentrate on her career, helping you to develop Dulnain Lodge as a springboard for other getting commissions for similar projects.”

“What about your career and how it would affect you?”

“As I said I want things to settle down first, my immediate career will be learning from Hamish, drawing on his many years of experience as the starting point for many of the ideas that I put forward in the report and then bringing them to fruition.”

“That’s fine with me Morag, we have a lot to do here before we think of settling down with a family,”

As we had discussed, I called Alistair and asked him to come over to discuss the option of surrogacy with us. I suggested that he could come over for the evening on on our graduation day, as we would be having a celebration dinner, and that we’d prepare a room for him to stay the night.

Mam and Dad arrived late Wednesday afternoon, two days before the graduation. After greeting them with hugs. I showed them to their room to freshen up before quickly taking them through the main rooms in the Lodge and telling them about the estate .

“This is amazing Rowan, I can understand why you are prepared to change your life to live here and manage the estate, the views from the window up to the mountains is a delight.” Mam was so excited, wanting to have a good look around and meet Morag and Kirsty.

“We’ll see how we feel after a couple of days with you about your suggestion of leaving the farm and moving up here, but from what I have already seen, I’m seriously thinking about it.” Dad, who had always been a lot more reserved and taciturn, was not getting carried away like Mam.

Fiona had laid out a selection of cakes, sandwiches, teas and coffee for us while I introduced them to Morag and Kirsty.

“Rowan has told us a lot about you girls and the times you all had together at university, how you convinced him to take up his inheritance and helped him to adjust to his life as a girl. I wasn’t sure whether to thank you or moan at you for changing my son into a daughter but he seems happy enough.” Mam was doing most of the talking for them, Dad could hardly takes his eyes off the lavish structure and dressing of the evening lounge we were sitting in.

“You need have no worries about Rowan,” Kirsty replied. “She has adjusted to life as a girl, everyone just accepts her as a girl, including Fiona our housekeeper who prepared this spread for us, and Hamish, her estate manager who we all spend a lot of time with. Hopefully her solicitor can soon clear all the details of the inheritance and Rowan can officially become Lady Rowan Grant, the Laird of Dulnain.”

“At first Kirsty and I treated it as bit of fun dressing Rowan in my clothes, putting on makeup and restyling his hair, but he turned out to be an attractive young woman as you can see, and we look forward to working with her to develop the estate for her and her successors.” Morag enthusiastically added.

“It’s nice to meet you both at last, and I thank you for all the help and friendship you have given to Rowan and I hope that will continue in the future. Anyway now that we all have met each other, how about a tour of the house, we’ve only seen the entrance hall, stairs and our room, I’m sure there is a lot more interesting things to see.” Mam was so eager to take it all in.”

“Mam, I’ll leave you with Kirsty for the tour, she has been looking at the architectural side of things and knows all the nooks and crannies a lot better than I do. I’ll go out with Dad and Morag for a quick look around the estate in the Land-rover, I’m sure that he will be more interested in that side of things. Come on Dad we’’ll get you kitted out in some warm outdoor clothes and have a quick tour of the estate.”

We did the same tour that Hamish had taken me on the first time I came to the lodge, the lower slopes of the mountains, back down through the forest, stopping off at the lochan to take in the views.

“Hamish tells us that the lochan is well stocked with trout, roach and perch. Next time you come to Dulnain Dad you’ll have to come up here , I know that you like to go fishing on the odd occasions that you have a bit of spare time. Anyway, it’s time we were heading back to the Lodge, it’ll be getting dark soon, the night draws in very quickly up here.”

I had planned something grander with Fiona’s help as a graduation celebration dinner two days later but tonight was to be just a relatively normal family dinner at the large kitchen table. When we got back those of us that had been up in the hills changed into something dry and warm before all going in to dinner.

Fiona brought in a steaming bowl of broth and fresh-made bannock to warm us up and was going to return to the kitchen when I called her back.

“Unless there is something you need to keep an eye on Fiona, sit down and join us, you’ve became almost one of the family over the last few months, we can’t have you banished to the kitchen like you had to do with Aunt Elspeth.”

Fiona did us proud with delicious meal, the broth was followed by trout, fresh caught by Hamish in the lochan, on a bed of baked fresh vegetables from the walled garden, and a tart of wild bilberries with a whisky and honey glaze, finished off with another bottle of the 50 year-old Grant single malt.

“I don’t know about everyone else,” Dad said a bit later “but it has been be a long day today, and I’m tired after the drive to up here, if you don’t mind Ladies I’ve decided on an early night.”. He was soon joined by Mum leaving the four of us to help Fiona tidy up.

“Right Ladies, I’ve arranged for Fiona to prepare us a special celebratory meal in the evening after the graduation and would like it to be a bit formal. I’ll be wearing a full-skirted white evening dress, with a modern Grant tartan sash, accessorised with a corsage of pine and rowan berries fixed with a clan badge clasp. I’ve ordered sashes, badges and corsages for you all in your family clan tartans and if you haven’t got any formal dresses with you, have a look round the shops in Grantown-on-Spey tomorrow or when we are in Aberdeen for the graduation. Dad, doesn’t know, and I’ve never seen him in a kilt, but I’ve ordered a full highland outfit for him, obviously it is all being charged to the estate, as I’ve agreed with Alistair Cameron, who will also be coming. Fiona, you are invited too, along with Hamish and Elizabeth. I’ve arranged for Jeannie from the Inn and a couple of her staff to plate up and serve the meals so you can enjoy the evening like the rest of us. Let’s all help Fiona to tidy up and then we can all have early nights, like Dad.”

To be continued