CHRISSY
The place wasn’t quite as I remembered it, having mutated from a typical YHA hostel into some sort of geology study centre, but they had a bunk, at a price I could afford. The menu for the pub next door looked a little less affordable, but, hell; only three nights. I’d make it up by living on scampi fries for a week. At least they had decent parking.

I wasn’t sure about the etiquette, nor the tunes list. As far as I knew, Debbie Prosser’s little ceremony had been done years before, but at least I had one tune for her that I knew she liked. This Strachan guy, not a clue. Ah well; the sun was almost back round to the wrong side of the yard arm, or so my stomach was telling me, so I tapped in the number Candice had given me. A man answered, which was at least a good start.

“Is that Neil Strachan?”

“Who’s calling?”

“It’s Chrissy, Neil. Chrissy Morgan. Diane’s friend. Musician”

“Oh! Sorry. I’d forgotten about you”

Oopsies.

“Easy done, or so my critics say. I had that talk with Mike Rhodes, remember?”

“Oh. Yes”

Like pulling bloody teeth, this.

“I’m in the hostel next to the pub. Where are you?”

“In the pub”

“Sensible man. Can you get me a pint? I’m on my way”

“I don’t know what you drink”

Too much, if you keep this up.

“Alcohol. Something like an IPA will do. See you in five minutes”

I pulled together a little bundle of necessities, including a torch, and set off on the expedition from one car park to the other, along all of fifty metres or so of footpath. I’d made sure I had a notepad and pen, as well as my tablet, on the basis that if he didn’t know any particular tune, I could play him some of my video (thanks, Siw!) and see what rattled his cage.

There was only one person fitting the bill, but I sort of recognised him. Well over six feet, a little flabby, in an odd mix of leather bike trousers, souvenir Aussie T-shirt and unlaced plimsolls. I waved and smiled, pointing to one of the two pints in front of him.

“That one mine, then?”

“You Chrissy?”

“Guilty! What’s good to eat?”

“I don’t know. I had the fish. That was good”

Just as I was about to despair, he turned to the bar and called out to the lad behind it.

“Anth?”

“Aye?”

“Anything special in the specials?”

“Carnivore or not?”

I took that as my cue.

“Depends on what it is. Don’t do stuff like foie gras or veal, if you get me”

“Venison and wild mushroom stew’s popular. Comes with cheddar mash or meat-free pernackity”

“Panhagglety?”

“Aye, that’s what I said. Just the tatties, onions and cheese”

“That sounds up my street, or rather onto my plate. How many pints am I behind?”

“That’s his third, pet. Noo, Ah knaa ye from somewhere”

Neil looked up sharply.

“She’s a musician, Anth”

I nodded.

“I used to live in Northumberland, as a kid, but well before I was old enough for pubs”

“Got it! Chrissy Morgan, am Ah reet? Ah! Here to, well, help this lad?”

He took a look over his shoulder before pulling out a couple of chairs for the two of us.

“Jacka’s fine for the moment, like, so time for that bit catch-up, I think. Hoo d’ye knaa Neil here?”

“Mutual friends, really. Some coppers, initially, to be honest, and I suppose that’s a good idea, with coppers. Being honest, I mean”

“Ah winnat be opening old wounds, pet, but Ah knew Neil’s Maddy, aye? They were regulars here, until things happened. Would these be the same polis that sorted out that…”

He paused, just for a breath or two, then smiled, awkwardly.

“Ah normally try not to say ‘cunt’ in front of lasses, but that Nigel, aye? Those polis?”

“I believe so, as well as some other friends of mine”

He nodded, mouth twisting.

“Aye. Mike and Maz and their bairns?”

He obviously saw something in my expression, for he quickly added, “They were staying up here for a bit. Brought this’un back to us, and made him smile again. You can smile, can’t you, Neil?”

He rose, giving me the upwards eyebrows.

“The stew, with the pernackity?”

“Yes please”

“I’ll get yez some more chairs”

“My arse isn’t that wide, even after a meal!”

“Na; this lot look like they’re with you. Yez are, aren’t yez? With these two? How many?”

It was Debbie, with a little army of attendants.

“There’s twelve of us, butt”

“Reet. Can ye gie’s a hand, Jacka? Sort some tables, aye? Are yez eating, you lot? Just so Ah knaa how much space to gie yez””

Debbie shook her head.

“We cooked our own earlier, so we should be fine”

“Well, let us knaa, and we can always do yez a sandwich or some chips later. Ah’m Anth, the lad dragging that table across is Jacka, And Neil here is an old, old friend. Yez’ll be here for Maddy, aye?”

Debbie’s husband looked across from the bar, where he was checking the ales out.

“You knew her, er, Anth?”

“We did, marra. Loved her, aye? Not too strong a word, that. It’s… Jacka? Going to be a while here. Can you watch the bar after we get this lot sorted?”

He turned back to Debbie, with the gentlest of smiles.

“De us a favour, and introduce this lot, and then wuz can do the ‘how we met’ bit”

Debbie nodded, as Frank did a quick drinks census, and once they were all issued, first sips down, Debbie waved at her backing crew.

“In no particular order, My husband Frank, three of my girls Nell, Cathy and Kim, their husbands Leo, Scott and Phil, Clara, another of my girls, and my sister Rosie, and two other friends, Candice and Lexie”

I waved across the table.

“That’s two of my friends as well, Debbie”

Neil looked up from his hands for the first time since we were swarmed.

“My friends too”

Anth was nodding, then looked directly at ‘Rosie’.

“No bike this time, pet?”

He got the hardest of hard stares, but fielded it nicely.

“Ah met Neil and Maddy the same day Ah think Ah might have met you. Before Ah took on the pub, Ah wes running a snacks and coffee van. Lot younger back then. We aal were, Ah suppose. Ah could see what yeez lot were about, Rosie, Debbie, if Ah have yez right”

Rosie nodded, slowly.

“I believe you do, butt.”

“Weeeel, Ah picked that pitch for the atmosphere, like. Mair trade at somewhere like Housesteads, or Chesters, but the people at that spot tend te hev a bit mair, like, discernment? Soul? And there yeez were, and Ah knew what it was for, so Ah left yez alone for it. Next thing, it’s Neil and Maddy, and, shite, what a cunt that Nigel is. What Ah saw that day, Ah remember telling Neil he should play the lottery. Ah still got years of seeing them smile at each other, so if… Neil?”

“Yes, mate?”

“Okay with me coming along for your little event? Ah’d like a chance to say so long to her as well”

Neil was more upright now, and moved across to hug the man. It was like the best of folk clubs, offering me a hard act to follow.

“I’ll put my oar in here, then, if I may. I’m Chrissy Morgan. I play music, and that’s my offering for Maddy”

Clara whispered something to Debbie, and that woman’s eyes widened.

“Clara says you were the one who passed on that request to the other Maddy, at that folk festival”

“Yup. Had to be done. I said that if Maddy couldn’t fit it in, I would. Now, I hear Frank sings a bit, and knows the song, so if you want, I can include it, either singing or just playing the twangly side. Oh, and I have some friends of my own coming to join in. Two of them live close by, but two more have taken that cottage up the lane”

Debbie looked at her husband, slightly puzzled, and Candice spoke up.

“We’re in the sort of lodge place next door, so even closer. Oh, and while I am, as you can see, blonde, I think both Lexie and me, having met Nigel Forbes, can confirm that Anth here was spot on. He is indeed a cunt”

CHRISSY
She took a sip of wine, glancing at Lexie, before adding, “And we haven’t finished explaining that to him”

That was a side of Blondie I had met before, but nowhere near as hard, when she had nicked my lovely uncle, and I wondered what Forbes had seen. I was guessing it wouldn’t have been heavy on the blondeness.

My phone bounced in my pocket as a text came in. Right.

“Anth?”

“Aye, pet? That’s your food. Just coming over”

“Not that, but ta. We’re going to need another four chairs. Sorry!”

I looked round at some very curious faces, and simply gave them a wide-armed, palms-up shrug.

“So I know people! Is it a crime?”

Neil looked worried.

“Who is it, Chrissy?”

“Nobody to worry about, Neil. Just some who offered, and I thought, we thought, they’d be good for the mix. Debbie?”

“Yes?”

“Could you let us know who, why, the girls? Just curious; not a prob if they want a bit of privacy”

DEBBIE
I had been expecting something like that, mainly because it was a question I had been asking myself from the moment I had decided to bring them along.

“Not going to be a short answer, Chrissy”

“I’m not going to starve, obviously, and I have a---oh, it’s gone. Would someone mind grabbing me another of those IPAs? They seem to have a very short half-life”

I slipped Clara a tenner, and nodded to the bar, and she took the hint, as I composed my words. Odd; I realised I wouldn’t just be explaining to the musician, but to myself.

“This place, girl, it’s a special part of my life. The actual site we’re going to visit, as well as another I asked Neil to take some photos at”

Neil jerked again.

“I have a package, colour and monochrome, plus digital back-ups I can show you when I upload them to my laptop, but I’ve been here and eating, and then Chrissy rang me, so I haven’t had time yet”

Clara was back with the pint for Chrissy, and as she set it down, she simply looked directly at the man and spoke his name, before blushing.

“Sorry… Just Neil, yeah? He said that’s what Maddy would do when he was looping. Sorry. Not my place”

Neil just reached across to squeeze her hand, and she sat down, still pink in the face. Right, Petrie.

“I lost my parents here when I was young, and that was sort of how Neil and I met. There was another woman, though, who pulled me out of a very deep hole. She gave me all sorts of reasons to keep going, and then she did the same for my girls. Kim, Cathy and Nell here, they are, well, Pat should have been with me when my sister and I set Mam and Dad free, but she’s gone, so these three are representing her”

I looked across at Clara, her blush subsiding.

“Neil?”

“Yes?”

“Mike Rhodes and his family. They see you as a part of it, don’t they? No crap, please. We all know that. Lexie and Candice there, they know it. Clara here, she is worming her way into that same family, so, well, see her as a sort of Rhodes-representative. She can tell them how it went, better than I can---ah!”

I rose to greet the four new arrivals, and by god were they welcome ones. Chrissy was smiling now.

“I think you all know each other?”

Alys was wrapped around Neil, her wife hugging Lexie, so of course I had to do the same to the tall redhead and her husband.

“Have you come to play for us, Steph?”

“I think that’s the general idea for later, but right now we’ve actually come for a pint and some munchies, in that particular order. Um… Yes, I think I know everyone, at least by sight. What are you eating, Ms Morgan?”

“Venison and wild mushrooms on defleshed panhagglety”

I couldn’t hold a laugh back just then, so of course I had to explain.

“Mam and Dad had a friend, Northumberland farmer, from Druridge Bay. We’d stay there for part of the Summer, and he always had something local for us, and pernackity, panhagglety, whatever, that was one of them, Yes, Nell, that Graham. Anyway, one of the things he showed me was stotty, and we used to do a rally up this way, bike rally, called the Hairy Stotty. It was Mam who explained it, in the end”

It was actually enlightening to see the reactions, from confusion to amusement via acute embarrassment. I added the words, “As in Hairy Pie”, and a couple of faces slipped from ‘confused’ to ‘pink’, including Neil’s.

Enfys coughed, trying to move her own expression from the pink zone.

“Alys and me, we’ve been up here as well. Her Dad does photography as well—yes, Neil?”

“He doesn’t do it the way I do. He does views, things for postcards and coffee table books. I do details. Maddy did art, and components”

Cathy called out, “Like that Poucher man? Not the components, whatever, but the views?”

Neil just nodded, clearly trying to hold his words back, but then slipped the leash a little.

“Yes. Poucher did good landscapes, but with too many false colours. When Maddy did components, they were for catalogues, all lit the same, hundreds and hundreds, and she said it was very boring, but…”

I was watching him carefully just then, for I had seen a hand start to tremble.

“It was sort of how we got together. Not the components, the art. Silhouettes. Maddy. Naked… Sorry. This is hard to say, for me. Maddy taught me many things, and, oh. Is this what they call a wake? Where we speak of the dead?”

I felt a hand on my arm, and it was Rosie’s.

“It can be, Neil. Debbie and me, we both know about losing people. If you want to talk, we can listen. Frank? Here’s my card; get a round in. Red, get your food ordered. Let’s do this properly, and it’s for all three people, okay?”

I began, once all plates and glasses were adequately replenished or delivered.

“I was a runaway, from an abusive care home. I was twelve. I know what Shrewsbury means to Steph there, and I suppose Clara as well now, but it was where I met my Mam and Dad…”

I left a few things out, especially any reference to our dear, lost Carl, but I made sure they got as much of the good stuff about Mam and Dad, as well as Pat, as I could fit in without speaking all night. Steph looked up from the plate she was clearing one-handed, the other being held by her man.

“I sort of come into some of this, with Pat, that is. Short form: I was in a bad place. I got very drunk, all the time. I was going to walk a long way, uphill, on a snowy Winter night, but someone cared, cared for a stranger, and gave me a lift. Pat and Debbie, it was. That was a moment I could very well have died, so if we are speaking of good people we have lost, I think she counts as one of mine”

I squeezed her forearm.

“We met you properly later, love. You were there for her when, you know”

Enfys made a funny noise, that I realised was a stifled sob.

“Popular woman, she was. I was there… Ah, the doctor, he asked us all to stay aboard the chopper till he had a chance, a bit of sensitivity, ah?”

Really?

“I hadn’t realised you were there that day. Enfys”

“You were a bit distracted, obviously. We could see you had more than enough family around you, and we had the time. Neil?”

“Yes?”

“This was supposed to be a day for Maddy. Do you mind us talking about other people?”

He stared at his hands for half a minute, and I began to worry about him locking up, one of those loops he spoke of, but he looked up, and it was with a smile.

“What can be wrong in giving her such good company? Carry on, please. And they don’t have to be dead. But, well, Maddy…”

NEIL
I remembered Pat, of course, but I had never met, could never meet, Debbie’s parents.

“Her silhouettes. That was what I first saw, in an exhibition. Silhouettes, ones I later realised were her, just monochrome, but nude, naked. I bought some online. Then I found Maddy in the rain. She had a scooter and a flat tyre. I fixed the wheel. I use a reverse mushroom patch I invented that I can insert from outside and…”

“Neil”

Clara’s voice again. Right…

“She cooked me dinner, but I ran away afterwards”

Cathy asked the next question, which was, I suppose, an obvious one.

“Why, Neil?”

“I was scared”

I started talking again so that they couldn’t ask more about fear.

“I was working in Upper Weardale a little while later. She was working in Durham City, and she e-mailed me about my photos, so I sent her one back. Of bikers. I was at Hartside, one of two high passes into Alston, but lower than Wearheads, at… Sorry. I sent her some pictures of the bikers who gather there”

I needed something to break the flow. Random but relevant, those were Maddy’s words.

“On the way up. Stopped at some services on the M6 and… I had a moment. Painful. There was a couple, strangers, and she asked if I was ok, Terry. That was her name. And George, her husband. They said they’d, I’d told them where, what I was going to do. Her mother, they’d just done the same for, at her favourite pub, Hartside”

How many words? Nobody was saying anything, though.

“Maddy had a commission, two portraits. With permission to spend a day in the cathedral, so I rode over, and… We bought a spare helmet, or not a spare one, but one for her, because hers was at her house, and I took her along the Wall, and my landlady, I was staying at a Bed and Breakfast in Garrigill, which is over Wearhead and actually on the South Tyne”

“Neil”

It was Alys this time.

“Sorry. Stress… So my landlady had spoken about the temple, and Maddy, she said the woman had a real soul, so when we got up, and the hotel had taken my key back, we went up there by bike, and that was when I met Anth. We met Anth. He made a joke when she tried to pay”

The man himself was looking at me very intently, and even with my limitations I could see the dampness in his eyes.

“Ah remember that day well, Neil. What you said about her, aye?”

I nodded.

“You offered to take her off my hands”

“Aye, and you said ‘sorry, this woman’s mine’, and a minute later, she’s, well, not seen a kiss that passionate since, and that’s the thing, me and wor lass, aye? We got the chance to know Maddy, as well as Neil, so here’s a toast, like: Maddy, and all the other decent folk we’re missing”

CHRISSY
This was getting more and more like one of the more difficult clubs, and I was beginning to feel very much out of my depth, for I had nothing I could bring to that evening’s table. The stuff about ‘Pat’ had blindsided me, and then Red stepped in with even more.

It was indeed like one of those clubs, where a succession of devious sods did their party pieces and challenged me, in effect, to outdo them. That place with the guitarist who seemed to worship Nick Drake, for example. I just about had to beat him to death with the smallpipes.

She was talking about a murdered woman now, and from the way Deb and her girls were nodding along, they all seemed to have known her, or at least known of her. At least Steph was making some sort of sense, but I had to slow her down.

“Steph?”

“Yes?”

“Just an observation, a little one. Your music day sounds like a lovely thing, but there’s only going to be three of us playing at Brocolitia, and Frank, if he’s up to singing. Not quite what you have, as resources, like. You’ve got me at it now, Anth”

I waited for the laughter to abate, hiding my smugness, before speaking again.

“Anyway, it does sound like the sort of do I might fancy, so keep me in mind, kay? Now, when I sat down with Neil here, I brought a notebook. Both sorts, actually. I like paper and pen, me. What I had planned to do is ask for some requests, of tunes and stuff. I’ll assume that ‘Saucy Sailor’ is in the mix. I’ve got a guitar with me, so I can cover the intro, continuo and outro. You okay for the main melody, Steph? I think lots of right hand in it would lift things”

She looked at her husband, who just nodded and waved her on.

“Geoff here has a bouzouki and an octave. One of them for rhythm?”

I made a couple of notes.

“That’s one, then. We play, Frank sings. Neil: any particular pieces for you?

He sat in silence for almost a minute, before Frank put a hand to his arm.

“While you think, mate, there is one I can think of. Alun Wallis sang it, to his daughter, aye?”

I noticed three of Deb’s girls nodding rapidly.

“What’s the song, Frank”

“First Time Ever I Saw Your Face”

Bloody definitely, and one for me.

“I can do that one. Fiddle accompaniment, Steph? Just nod. Neil?”

“There’s one, but it’s sort of shared with Mike. He says it was a favourite of his first wife, and…”

He locked up for a second, mouth twitching, before speaking again, his voice slightly strangled, and I realised he was fighting the urge to sob. Poor, poor man.

“Cyndi Lauper song. Words… we both work, worked, with light, me and her. And what hurt her was being who she was, who she really was. True Colours, that’s the song. That’s my request”

Steph was now smiling.

“I know the song, for the same reasons. It’s one that really, really speaks to people who, well, my community. And I have a tune for, well, for the end of things”

She told me. I grinned, almost happily.

“That will do very, very nicely. Any more for any more?”

To my surprise, it was Rosie, who had sat very, very quietly through everything, who added a request.

“Debbie will understand this one, and who it’s for. Glen Campbell, Wichita Lineman. Would you mind that one, Sis?”

Debbie’s face was as clenched as Neil’s had been, but she gave a sharp nod. Card full, in terms of timescale and mood. I needed a quick refresher, though.

“You lot staying here for a while? Could someone grab me another pint, then I’m off to pull up some recordings and get the Campbell and Lauper into my fingers and gob. And write down the lyrics, as well; they’re both a bit before my time”

Geoff did the honours with the ale, and once that was gone, I was back over to my little room in the YHA and onto the internet.

The Campbell was a gift for a singer, and the melancholy tone was perfect for what we had planned, especially with its hints of singing, windblown wires. ‘Dance on the wind’, that was Rosie’s phrase. As for the Lauper, how the hell had I ever missed it? It was so clearly a song about a trans person, and it left me with a lump in my throat the size of a spud-u-didn’t-like. ‘First Time’ was one of my standards, so no worries there, but I took myself into the shower before bed, and did the traditional sing-into-the-nozzle. Head down early, woman; heavy day ahead.

NEIL
I wondered if she had left us out of embarrassment, with all of the emotion coming out from our group. It was getting to me, for when I had opened up before, it had been to Alys and Lexie, or to Mike and Ish, and Chrissy was, really, a stranger. Debbie was staring at me, as was her sister, and it was Rosie who spoke first.

“I hope you don’t mind us adding all our own memories, Neil”

“No. It’s like I said. Gives Maddy friends to go with her. Where did you let Pat go, Debbie?”

A long sigh.

“Top of Foel Grach. Special place for us”

“But she’s still with you”

“Oh god aye! She always will be, just like… Ah, shit. I remember you that day, Anth, just about. Me and Rosie, for my parents. There were a few of us”

He smiled, ruefully.

“Ah had guessed yez weren’t exactly in the mood for a designer coffee, like”

“No, not really. But that day, we had, well, we had a group, but three of them are also lost. That’s where the Glen Campbell bit comes in. Sorry to take over, as I said”

“These were good people, then”

It was Kim who spoke up, almost spitting the words.

“Three of the fucking best, Neil, and other cunts to hate”

Debbie had her hand, then pulled her into a hug, soothing as best she could.

“Aye, Neil. Two of our brothers, and… And Rosie’s man. Neil, I know you spoke to Woolly that day, and he said how much respect you were giving the place, so we can add my three… brothers to the good people we remember”

Even I could pick up on the hesitations, but it wasn’t the time to push. Maddy had taught me that much: unless there’s a real need, move on if it gets prickly.

That’s fine, woman. Now, more beer? What was that thing about livers?”

Kim’s husband was the first to laugh, calling out “The liver is evil, and must be punished?”

“That’s it. None of us are driving until late tomorrow. If this is a wake, we can do it right”

I think it was Anth and Frank who helped me to bed.

DEBBIE
Neil was true to his word, but after a couple more, I tapered the alcohol off. Driving a fifteen-seater with a hangover was never a good idea, but I noticed that Steph was not stinting.

“Oh? Me drinking? Ah, getting a lift tomorrow, so I have the whole day to sober up, and Geoff and me, we’re staying a few days anyway, so we won’t need to do any driving at all”

“What are you doing? A bit of rambling?”

“Na. Have a blitz of Peel and Crag Lough Crags, then off up Simonside for the sandstone. Can’t come all the way here and not climb”

I noticed Scott hanging on her words, so waved at him to speak.

“You’re not shy, son. Don’t pretend”

“Ah. Right. Steph, would you be okay with some extra bods? We’ve brought some kit, but weren’t sure if we’d get a chance, you know. Bit of local knowledge. How are you getting to the crags?”

“Oh, first two are a short walk from here. Simonside’s a lot further, and Geoff’s van is only a two-seater”

Bugger it.

“what’s the other place like, Steph?”

Geoff answered for her.

“Junior mountains overlooking a valley with an old Market town, Rothbury”

“Ah! I know that place! Dad loved it; lots of engineering stuff”

Steph grinned happily.

“Oh indeed. And the hills are a bit like the Beacons, open grassland, but with stands of conifers. You’ll be wondering about the birds”

“You know me too well”

“I also know enough to have been searching the net while you negotiated. Says loads of warblers, raven, merlin, ring ouzel, chats and a mix of owls. That do you?”

It would do for a start. Sod it; I could drop them off somewhere near the climbing, and go for a drive.

“Debbie?”

“Neil?”

“I do know the area”

Enfys waved an arm.

“So do we, Miss! Came up here with her rents years ago. Alys? You got ideas?”

“Er, if Debbie’s doing a naturish amble, that would do me. You want to climb, don’t you?”

“Might do. Have to think about it…. Course I do. What do you suggest, Neil? Or where?”

“There are some real antiquities here”

Enfys mugged a bit.

“Duh, Roman Wall?”

He nodded.

“Older. Much older”

I was intrigued by his teasing.

“How old, Neil?”

“Well, a hill fort that’s about two to two and a half thousand years old. And some stones nearby. Six thousand”

Leo, from Italy, with its freight of history, had been looking smug, Rome going back allegedly to around seven hundred and fifty BC, so when Neil calmly offered such a huge number, his jaw dropped.

“I have to see these!”

Cathy was chuckling now, then did her evil rubbing hands together skit.

“So… I get to see an igneous intrusion on a vast scale, and climb on it, then go and climb on the sedimentary country rock after doing some archaeology. Suits me!”

Her face straightened.

“What? I just spent years studying this stuff, so leave me to my little games. Apart from the climbing. Belays, aye?”

Neil snorted.

“Whose round?”

Rosie did the honours, but only after a gleeful whisper to me of “Lightweight”

When Anth and Frank returned from putting him to bed at the end of the evening, I doubt they’d have agreed with her.

Tomorrow would be a hard day.

NEIL
There was no sign of Anth at breakfast, just the kitchen staff to serve me, and it appeared that I had either missed all the other guests or there were none. Apple juice. Tea. More tea. Cereal. Tea. Then the fry-up, which got easier to eat with each mouthful. Then…

One of the kitchen girls brought me more tissues as I sat looking at the crumpets I had just toasted.

“It’s okay, Neil. Nobody else here, aye? Anth telt us what you’re up for, today, like, so no shame. We all remember her, and we all saw the news. For what it’s worth… no point to cards or flowers, we thought, but will you take a hug for her? For Maddy?”

I could, of course, so I did, and one by one, the kitchen staff stopped by to repeat the gesture.

No, Strachan. Words. Words are important to people. Calling it a gesture would imply something token, something less than honest, and their hugs were clearly from the heart. I thanked them all, and I tried to make it clear that I was similarly offering no token, that I meant the thanks. Anth had arrived by then, and I saw him watching from the dining room entrance, face a little drawn.

“You up for this, marra? Debbie’s just parked up, so Ah’ve called them in for a bit tea and toast, like. Ah just wanted to wait until ye were steady again. Okay?”

I nodded, and Debbie’s crew came in, along with Chrissy, and Anth waved them at the toaster as the girls ferried in pots of tea and cafetieres. Several of them gave me a hug or a squeeze. Shortly after they sat down, my Bethesda girls appeared with the Woodruffs, and it all got a little noisy, as Alys attached herself to me as closely as possible. Steph had a quiet word with Debbie, then took a seat at my table.

“Right. Two more friends are just parking up, and one of us is going to squeeze onto Deb’s bus, the others into our friend’s car. You ready? And Chrissy?”

“Yeah?”

“Happy with that final tune?”

“Oh, indeed. Just tray and keep your feet Earthbound, okay?”

Steph reddened slightly, but gathered her violin case and headed for the door, while the others followed her in ones and two as cups were drained and toast swallowed. I had come down ready for the day, coat over the back of my chair and…

I looked at my little bag. In a way, this would be the last breakfast I would eat with Maddy, and I nearly broke and ran for my room, but no. My woman needed her freedom, and it would be at our place, somewhere that would always be just that. Ours.

I walked out to the car park, where Debbie was waiting at the wheel of a small coach, the rest in a Ford Focus waiting behind. I t wasn’t a fifteen-seater, though, which had puzzled me, given our numbers, for it said ‘twenty’ on the side panel behind the passenger door and…

“Neil”

Clara again. I shook myself before climbing the few steps up into the thing, and took a free seat near the front, Anth following me with a carrier bag. Debbie looked over her shoulder, wordless, before starting the engine and closing the door, and we were off on the short journey to the car park I hadn’t seen for far too long, until Mike and his family had broken through. I stumbled off the bus, watching as the others gathered to stare at me, and Anth took his bag over to the coffee stand, handing him a small placard before leading the way from the car park until we came to where a faint track across the grass joined our path, where he produced another, a little like an easel, which he set up just down from the junction, adding a small sandbag to weigh it down.

It read “Memorial service at the temple. Please allow us a few minutes. We won’t be long. Thanks”

He caught my eye, and smiled.

“Car park signs for our specials, marra. Might get ignored, but, best Ah can offer”

Down and around the sides of the old fort, my memories flicking through frame by frame, and someone took my arm. I looked up, and was surprised to see Rosie.

“I’m on best behaviour today, Neil, but only as long as the arsehole count stays at zero. I thought I remembered you from the other time, and I made a couple of calls. Sapper remembered you; said how respectful you had been, both to the place and to, well, shit that we were dealing with. Deb says you’re sound, for a straight. Got your own sort of class, so here’s a message for you. Leave that cunt alone, even after he gets out of prison. Diane has her teeth in his ballsack, and she is a copper I respect. She knows how to fucking hate, so you don’t have to. Her two oppos have dropped a few hints, so there is something in the pipeline. And we know where his house is”

She looked across me to where who else but Alys was holding my other hand.

“And you didn’t hear that, girl”

Alys grinned, and it was a nasty one.

“Hear what, Rosie? Bit windy here, ah?”

One nod, and Rosie was away, just as we arrived at the little temple, the Woodruffs, Cassie and a tall lad with red hair sorting out instruments of various kinds. Anth spoke to a couple emerging from the ruins, and they simply nodded and moved away about fifty yards. Enfys called out to me.

“You up to saying a few words, love?”

I reached into my bag and touched what there was of Maddy. Take her strength.

“I… I was alone, fully, for too many years, until I met someone who ended that. We were both… Lonely. We were lonely, but it was, we were. We had what each other needed. She knew what she needed, but I had to learn, and what I needed was her, and she… My photos, they are of details. Hers were of spirit, of soul. This place, it was my landlady, a bed and breakfast, she spoke about people far away from home, having a place to go to, to shut the door, keep the strangeness away. That was Maddy for me. My own temple, with a door we could lock”

I ran out of words, but once again, Rosie surprised me.

DEBBIE
Those words from Neil, fuck. If my heart hadn’t already been close, he was breaking it, and then my sister finished the process.

“We’ve been here before, my sister here and me. We set her parents free here, as if they hadn’t lived free all their lives, and they taught my girl well, all about looking after others, paying debts, staying true to your class. Then we lost both our brothers, and my man, and finally a woman who knew how to love, how to deliver my sister from despair and bring her back to her family. Our men sleep in their native soil, and Pat dances free over her mountains. Today, we set free another woman, who knew how to love, and loved well. Can we have a few moments to remember Maddy Strachan?”

I spotted a small group approaching from the car park, but to my relief they stopped some way away, clearly respecting Anth’s sign. I almost missed the nod Steph gave to Chrissy, and a few minutes later, I lost my own emotional control as she played out the last bit of guitar following our massed declaration about caring what the world thought of us.

Geoff and his wife moved closer, as Chrissy began playing the tune to Carl’s favourite song, and my man did me proud again with his singing, Neil’s words clear in my mind about finding what I had needed without realising the fact for so many wasted fucking years, and then Cassie was singing the Lauper, which had never been my thing, but the words, shit, they were mine, Kim’s, for all of my girls.

It was the MacColl that finally broke Neil, as Chrissy's soulful contralto moved from the first sight of the lover's face through the first kiss, and as she sang 'the first time ever I lay with you, Neil was gone, and I am sure it was only the support of Alys and Enfys that kept him from falling to his knees, or further. I flashed back to moments sitting on the floor of my airlock kitchen, my legs not knowing how I had actually arrived there. As she finished, letting a last chord ring, Chrissy was looking more than a little drained, and then Kim herself looked up.

“I never met Maddy, but I knew all of the others we’ve spoken of, and without them, well, I wouldn’t be here. Nell and Cathy, much the same. We spoke about this last night, and decided just one of us should speak. Those people, Carl, Pat, Sam, Oily, they saved and shaped our lives. Maddy did the same for our dear friend here, and I know he saved the life of Alys. Pay it back, pay it forward, doesn’t matter, as long as you pay as well as give, and giving is what our lost ones taught us. Now, I know Steph and her friends have a tune for us, so I am going to shut up before I lose it. Steph?”

The tall woman stepped forward, nodding to Chrissy and the red-haired man, who had a set of pipes, as did Chrissy. Steph started, and then they swapped leads several times, and it was a tune so wild, so fitting for the moment, that I was lost in it until the last notes. Steph lowered her fiddle.

“I will just say that Pat saved my life once, and Neil, well, you saved my friends, you set them free. Time to set your love just as free, my friend”

The wind was a Northumbrian one, sweeping over the open grassland in waves like a breezy ocean’s, and Neil fumbled a little with his bag until he held a small container. Alys leant in to kiss his cheek.

“It’s time, love. Let her dance again”

With a convulsive movement, he opened and shook the urn, and Maddy took flight.

-----0-----

NEIL
It felt strange for a few weeks, without Maddy’s presence on my mantlepiece, but Alys and the others had been right. Time not to move on, but to rebuild. I had found a mail from George and Terry awaiting me, with a choice of image from Hartside, so I set my staff printing and framing, before reconsidering and adding an order for one of our ‘canvas’ prints. No charge, of course. George and Terry had known how to give.

I was a little in limbo for the next month, drained by the whole thing, but that was broken when my mobile rang: Candice.

“Hello?”

“Hiya Neil! Got something for you, as promised”

“Sorry?”

“Nice men who need nice things, or not, in his case. Can you switch on your telly, if you have one?”

“I have”

“Right. Our boss, whom you met, Bev Williams? He’s on the next BBC news session, in two minutes, with an announcement you’ll want to hear. I’m going to hang up so you can listen, PLEASE ring me back when it’s finished”

“Okay”

She vanished, and I tuned into the BBC, and up it came.

“Nigel Forbes, convicted last year of deeply unpleasant harassment that caused a woman to take her own life, has today been charged with a number of other offences. Superintendent Bevan Williams made the following announcement this afternoon”

The steps were at the police station with the lighthouse thing, and Williams was in a really official mode or mood or whatever.

“At noon today, Nigel Forbes, currently serving a custodial sentence for criminal harassment that resulted in a woman’s suicide, was charged with a number of further offences. These range from false accounting, use of fraudulent instruments, extortion and a range of offences including deception and fraud arising from what has been termed the ‘love rat’ scam. Those latter offences so far involve nine women, and we anticipate more coming forward as they see this announcement. Indeed, we positively welcome approaches from further victims. This is another result from our Serious Crime Review team; it will be remembered how they similarly dealt with the serial and violent rapist Ashley Aaron Evans, and stress that our team does not only deal with recent cases but specialises in historic ones”

He paused, looking down at his notes.

“If there are other victims of this man, or of similar predatory behaviour, please come forward. Our current victims have been granted anonymity, so please trust us in saying that confidentiality is assured in all cases. Our contact details will be displayed after this announcement”

The screen switched to a display of phone number and e-mail address, just as my phone rang again. Candice, once more.

“Not trusting you to call me, love. Did you catch Bev?”

“Yes”

“We might need you as a witness, Neil. And it looks like we have those three ex-coppers in the frame, just for extra lolz. Would you be up for that?”

I thought for a moment, and it was a clear choice. What Kim had spoken of, about paying forward. I didn’t know them, but, well, I could make a difference for them, so did I need to? And it would most definitely hurt what so many of my friends called a ‘cunt’

“I’m in”

“Good. Something Annie told me, okay? Are we going to take down some fucking vermin?”

Only one answer was possible, so I gave it.

“Fuck, yeah!”