Author's Note: It's done. 309 pages in print.
I wrote the book that I needed to read in 2017. When I finally faced the fact that I might be transgender, but couldn't let myself believe and used autogynephilia as an excuse to bury it.
I'm releasing the ebook on Jul 21st, but I wanted to offer everyone here a chance to read the EDITIED version for free. I went through the manuscript three times and fixed so many typos. I added about 10,000 words, new chapters, and an epilogue, I even learned that OK is spelled okay.
You've all given me so much by reading and commenting on the story, now if you can give just a little more. Get a free review review copy, and leave an honest review on amazon. The link is bookfunnel, a typical review distributor. The offer is limited to 250 copies and stops July 20th.
https://dl.bookfunnel.com/6bk0h5dlse
I've attached about half of Chapter 33 here below.
Chapter 33, April 1st, 2026
"Good morning," Lucy said. She walked through the living room. She glanced around the room, Anthony was in his chair watching TV. He looked up at her and smiled and waved then his attention went back to his show. Looks like he's having a good morning, Lucy thought. His sister, Darlene, was at the kitchen sink doing the dishes from breakfast, usually her job.
Lucy walked into the kitchen and dropped her bag and purse on the table. "Well, how'd he sleep last night?" Lucy asked. Darlene set the clean plate in the dish strainer to dry and slowly turned around. Her dark hair seemed to be pulled back tighter today. The silver cross she wore around her neck gleamed against her black blouse. She took off her thick-framed glasses and set them on the table.
"He slept well," she paused and Lucy could feel the room shift. Something was very off this morning. "Lucy, you've done a very good job with my brother. He likes you, and that's why I hate to tell you this, but we're letting you go."
She heard the words but didn't understand them. It took Lucy a moment to respond. "Wait, what?"
Darlene pulled open a kitchen drawer and pulled out a mostly empty plastic vodka bottle. "I found this hidden in the back of the kitchen cabinets Saturday," she said, holding it up like it was exhibit A for the jury.
"You think I'm drinking here?" Lucy said, unable to hide the hurt in her voice.
"I asked Jodie, she doesn't know anything about it," Darlene said.
Jodie was the 20-year-old kid who stayed with Anthony some nights. Lucy was getting angry. "Well, I don't know anything about it either," she said and crossed her arms.
"Listen, I didn't want to do this, but… the lifestyle you live, I don't want it around my family," Darlene said.
"Lifestyle? What does that mean?"
Darlene set the bottle down on the table. "Lucy, I'm sorry. I know, you've battled demons. I've prayed for you. But showing up drunk at people's houses, that kid that moved in with you, and now whatever is going on with Whit?" Darlene sighed. "And now I find this here." She held the bottle up before sitting on the counter. She handed Lucy a check she'd already written out.
"I've paid you for the rest of the week and given you a bonus. Thank you for your service."
Lucy looked at the check, a week's pay plus 200 extra dollars. Without making eye contact she folded it in half slowly. Then slowly and deliberately she took her wallet out of her purse and slid the check in and replaced it.
Darlene held her hands. "I hope that money can help you. I know this is hard. I know you've been put in a horrible situation. There is a program through the church, for women, who…"
Lucy cut her off. "I'm not being abused, Darlene." She shouldered her bag and purse, then turned to leave.
"I'm just saying, if Whit is… well, whatever he is, you don't have to live in sin."
Lucy froze, then turned back around. "All right, Darlene. I know you're not real sharp, but let's talk about the bottle. I'm a known alcoholic that has been working for you for what? Four years now, almost five. You've never seen me hungover, you've never seen me drunk, and you've never found a bottle here. When I was drinking I always kept it separate from work."
"Jodie is a 20-year-old kid from your church. She's been working for you for what, six months? She lives at home with her parents. 20-year-old kids do dumb things like hide a bottle at work."
Darlene shook her head back and forth, she started to say something but Lucy kept going.
"Anthony likes me because I'm here for him. I don't treat him like furniture the way Jodie does. And another thing. I've listened to you for years talk about 'those people.' Well, guess what, I am those people, we all are. I'm married to a transgender woman, and I let another one live at my house because her self-righteous mother would rather pretend she doesn't exist. So you know what, fuck you. Fuck all of you."
Lucy spun around and started walking, leaving Darlene standing there with her mouth open.
Lucy turned her head around. "Thanks for the bonus," she yelled as she entered the living room. The TV volume on Gunsmoke had been turned up and she could see that Anthony was crying. She went over to his chair, hugged him and wiped tears out of her eyes.
"Goodbye," she said.
"Bye," he said.
Lucy was crying by the time she got in her car, but she couldn't do it here. She drove a few blocks to a parking lot and pulled in, then realized she'd pulled into the liquor store lot. She checked her phone, it was 10:30, she had plenty of time to get drunk and sleep it off. Sarah wouldn't be home from work for hours.
Sarah.