CHAPTER 53
Dead right.
“I’ll see you in a few, then”
“Kul’s about to shoot off to look over that pub, with Chad”
“Tell him not to mention his, er, domestic situation, darling. I gather it is indeed an Ocker style place, all shorts, work boots and singlets. Think that place in the Crocodile Dundee film”
“A little bit of Perth that’s forever RFO?”
“Exactly. Got to drive now; leading the Petes back to their motel, by way of that camping place. Rod’s sorted out dooners and airbeds, but there’s always something. Just had another thought: I’ll drop by the pub, just in case. See you in a bit more than a few”
That ‘few’ became another two hours, before my three colleagues surged into our office, slumping into their chairs as Ronnie did a coffee run for us. Kul was definitely Mr Smiley Beard, looking smug, while Chad simply looked frazzled. I gave my wife the old raised eyebrow, and she grinned.
“Good job I went, love. That place is a testosterone lake, but, odd thing, it’s actually run by a woman. She has a persona for the men in vests, and a sensible head for business. The pub---oh dear. All ‘skimpies’ and steaks and stubbies. Kul made a suggestion, and she shot it down, but for good reasons”
“Kul?”
“I just mentioned something Alys said she’d seen in France. A giraffe”
As is his way, he paused just long enough to let the confusion build, before explaining.
“It’s a sort of glass tower, with a tap at the bottom. Takes about a litre, two litres, of beer; keeps it fresher than a bigger glass would hold, and takes up less bar time. She said such a device would cost more than a glass, and it WOULD get broken, like glasses, which is why she only sold stubbies. Bottles get smashed for recycling anyway”
Maz interrupted.
“Not just that, darling. She was very clear that she controlled how many stubbies went over the bar, so that she could manage the drunks. Kul’s idea would reduce that control. Very astute woman. Anyway, as you will expect, her kitchen does a lot of frying, and as she’s only been there six months, she was still looking for a waste oil service. Contract is with her accountant by now”
Just another day in the office.
The flight from Perth surprised me a little, as the aircraft was actually a little Airbus jet, which suited our girl’s sense of style more than the Espy prop job had. It was only a little over an hour for the hop to Albany, and there was a quick response to my call for an Uber. The venue was to the East of the city, at yet another golf club, and Nora had arranged a ‘unit’ in the neighbouring resort. As we pulled in, Maz pointed out of the taxi window, at a ‘Canning Van’ parked outside another chalet-style building.
“They got here, then”
We quickly unloaded, laying out our posh clothes, and inspecting the apartment, which had three bedrooms, two of them double, the third with a single and two bunk beds. LC claimed the single, but Kawan apparently demanded the upper bunk.
“Not a bad place at all darling, but”
“But?”
“But there’s a beach over there. I think it might have our names on it”
“Well, let’s give the others a knock, say hello, before we splash out”
“That was strained, even for you”
“Never mind. Kids? Swimmers and beach shoes!”
There was nobody at home in the unit by the van, so Maz left a note under the door before weworked our way through the trees and out onto the beach.
“Dad?”
“Yes, love?”
“There are dogs over there”
Shit.
“Ish?”
“Already there, Dad. Says that’s an off-leash dog area, and kite-surfing place. That end, though”
Which meant any stray barker’s eggs were likely to be up the other end, thankfully.
“Dad?”
“Yes, son?”
“Look the other way”
“What? Oh! Hiya!”
Susie’s party were set up just off the wrack line, or rather they were busy moving their towels and reed mats. The men were in board shorts, Lucy and Susie in one-piece suits, but Laura was in a classic teeny weeny string bikini. Young Pete was now, literally, legless, his Dad supporting him as four of them headed once more for the water. Susie looked up as we approached.
“Hiya. I told them, but they never listen. Bloody flies”
“Welcome to Australia! Good drive?”
She grinned, and her husband answered.
“She wouldn’t know, Mike. She was asleep for a lot of it. Thanks for that campsite suggestion—we got to see some kangaroos while they were still alive”
“Ah. Roadkill?”
“Bloody smelly roadkill, aye. And what’s with all dead lizard things?”
A little twist to my guts… Smile, Rhodes.
“Blue-tongued skinks, Andy. Mate for life, so when one gets squished, the other one stays by the body”
“Oh hell! That’s… That’s worse than running someone’s pet over”
It’s like someone killing your wife, mate, but not for today.
“Looks like we’re just a couple of doors away from you. How have you divvied the beds?”
He laughed, happily.
“Lor lost out, Mike. We did it based on size, together with a bit of ‘Who paid for the tickets?’ from Dad Pete and Suze”
“Makes sense to me. Carolyn’s got the single, and Kawan’s taken the top bunk”
“Kawan?”
“Her bear”
“Ah. There’s a dog coming up behind you, mate”
I could see Ish and LC already knee-deep, or shin-deep for the lad, as a bouncy floppy-eared thing dashed into the water, grabbed at a little ball and then sprinted away. I turned back to Andy to find him looking slightly worried.
“When we checked in, receptionist looks at lad. ‘Shaaaaaaark?’ she asks. We need to worry?”
I shook my head.
“Checked reports before we came, mate. No reported activity. You’ll know if there is”
He nodded.
“Aye. At that Gracetown place, there was a recorded announcement, over and over, and a patrol boat. Made me think”
“What did Pete say about his leg?”
“Makes a stupid joke, of course, then just says ‘Afghan bomb’ and bloody hell, they’re on him like visiting bloody royalty. Got lovely folk here, Mike”
“Indeed. A lot better than where I used to live”
“Sheffield’s not that bad”
“Before that, mate. Place I don’t name. Starts with ‘L’, rhymes with ‘boot on’. North of London”
I could almost hear the penny drop, and I certainly heard his quiet “Fuck!”
I just nodded. Some things needed no discussion. I waved for my family to join us, just as the dog, a springer by the looks of it, ran yapping up to LC, who was now holding its ball (my turn, wife), but rather than any threat, it was bouncing up and down with an obvious message of “THROW IT! THROW IT!”
Thankfully, probably with Ish driving, she threw it back towards the owner, and a very happy family shuffled our own towels up the beach. Greetings were exchanged, Young Pete waving from the embrace of the water, and Maz asked the important question.
“What are people doing for dinner tonight?. I mean, the kitchen’s not bad, if we do a run to an LGA somewhere…”
“Mum?”
“Yes, son?”
Ish was waving his phone again.”
“Got a better idea. Short walk. Says they have a kids’ outdoor play area, so you can take your binoculars”
“And they do meals, darling?”
“Reviews are good, Mum. Proper meals, including decent sea food like oysters”
“Sounds like a possibility”
Laura joined us, slim as anything but still a little distracting, her bikini was that tiny.
“You plotting, Andy?”
“Evening meal, Lor. Ish says there’s a nice place, walking distance”
“Sounds like a possibility”
“Theat’s exactly what Maz said They do sea food, including, ahem, oysters”
She laughed happily.
“Oh dear me!”
Ish was still pushing, though.
“There’s more”
Maz cocked her head.
“Go ahead, darling”
“It’s a brewery. And they don’t just do lager, but stout, IPA, all sorts”
Laura’s laughter was even louder.
“Well, that’s two people we won’t have to ask, because we all know what their answer will be. Shall we keep it quiet, tease them?”
Agreement all round, we settled into the serious business of getting thoroughly wet, enlivened with the occasional visit of a hyperactive springer, which left our girl shrieking with joy. Eventually, though, we had to pack up, and I was touched by the behaviour of Dad Pete. He didn’t just help his son out of the water but carried him in his arms from its edge until he could settle onto a towel, where he reattached his prosthesis. I will confess I had to look away at that point; his family clearly had real strength. Back to the apartments to shower, change and set out for the food. Young Pete was on his wife’s arm, but I noted he had a folding stick attached to his belt.
There was a superb moment as we came to the entrance on Emu Point Road, and Dad-and-Lad saw the welcome sign, with a mix of comments such as “Bloody inspired” and “BRILLIANT!”, but Laura simply smiled at us, asking, “Who found this place?”
Ish held up his hand.
“We were at another pub with a brewery, and that did IPA, and I liked it, and there’s another one in Albany, but they only do lager”
Dad Pete asked which pub Ish meant.
“Twice Brewed, or Once. Roman Wall”
Both Dad and Lad were nodding in obvious familiarity, I assumed through their respective careers, as we walked up to the door of a warehouse-styled building. Inside was a working brewery with viewing platform (to see what happening, exactly? Never mind), a bar and a dining area, while outside were tables, chairs, a giant sand-pit style play area, and a small pond.