Becoming Robin - 13 & 14 -

Becoming Robin By Zoe Taylor Raggedy Man -/- Allison's Wonderland Pt 2   “You girls need a ride?” He offered. Allison shook her head, “No thanks.” “Aw c’mon. I won’t bite.” “She said no!” I shouted, grabbing her hand. He started to slide to the passenger side, and at that point I turned toward him, placing myself in front of Allison. I clutched my defense spray and attempted to spray him with it. Unfortunately I was shaking so badly that I completely missed, which just made him angrier. He shouted some extremely foul curses as we tore off toward the nearest house together. By the time he’d gotten out we were on the front steps, banging on the door and screaming.

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I pressed my back to the door as I closed my eyes. I’d swear I could still feel the tingle of her lips. When I opened my eyes again, Margie was standing close by with her arms folded, and a ridiculous grin on her face.

“Ah, young love.” She teased as she moved closer to hug me. I practically threw my arms around her. The corners of my mouth had actually begun to hurt for how long I’d been smiling that night, but I didn’t care.

“That was the most incredible evening I’ve ever had! Dinner was fantastic, and the movie was good too.” I prattled on for another minute or so then looked up at Margie. She practically giggled.

“So, what happened? You don’t glow like that just from dinner and a movie. I want details girl!”

I laughed, moving into the living room to sit. As I bent forward to take off my shoes, I looked back at her, waiting for her to join me.

“We had dinner at that French place like she said. Her mom told us she trusted us enough to just drop us off instead of joining us after our brief chat here at the house. Apparently Nikki has a reputation because none of the staff, including the head chef, could believe it was really her. They treated us like royalty.”

I gushed, “God it was amazing. We spent like, the entire movie joined at the hip, but it was totally innocent. Then when we got back, she walked me to the door, said that we should go out again sometime, and…” I blushed, giggling again, “She kissed me goodnight. It was all so surreal.”

“And now that you’ve met her parents you’ve nailed two birds with one stone,” Margie commented in a calculating, but upbeat tone. I just shook my head.

“One step at a time; I really like her, and I think she feels the same way, but she did just come off a relationship. I want to give her some time.”

Margie smiled as she hugged me close to her. I flinched a little as my ear brushed her shoulder. My ears were still just a little bit tender from the piercing, though not nearly as bad as they were a few days prior.

“That’s a very grown-up thing to say, you know. I’m proud of you.”

I smiled as I nodded, kissing her cheek. I think it was the first time I’d kissed my sister since I was five. It certainly got her attention though. She grinned and kissed my forehead back. “Allison’s probably waiting for you to call her,” she added.

“I’ll see her tomorrow morning when we go jogging. Plus Nikki’s probably going to call her. I’m just going to go get ready for bed and write in my diary for awhile.”

I smiled cheerfully, deflecting any concern that sentiment might have raised. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to gush to Allison about my first date as Robin, but I knew Nikki would want to talk to her now that she was finally opening up about her feelings.

Plus, I wanted to write about how the evening had gone while it was still fresh in my mind. I gave Margie another warm hug then picked up my shoes, scooting off up to my room. That night was the most restful I’d slept since I’d been here.

The next morning, I was up and dressed just after sunrise. I carried my workout gear (fanny pack, ankle/wrist weights, and such) downstairs with me. Margie wasn’t there, so I went into the kitchen. I found a note taped to the refrigerator.

‘Robin,

Didn’t want to wake you, but I have an early appointment in New Haven. Will call when I’m finished. Remember your pepper spray, and don’t talk to strangers.

Love,
Margie

PS: Breakfast is in the fridge. Just toss it in the microwave’

I pulled the door open to find a plate of eggs and sausage covered in plastic wrap awaiting me. I peeled back the wrap, popping the plate in the microwave and, after setting the digital timer, stepped back into the living room to be sure I had everything.

I was suddenly glad Margie’s note made me double-check because I had indeed forgotten my defense spray. I put it with my things, hurrying back into the kitchen just in time for the microwave to announce breakfast was ready.

After I ate, I dropped my plate in the sink and ran some water over it then grabbed my sport bottle from the fridge. A few minutes later I was out the door, Allison waiting in the driveway, grinning as broadly as Margie had been last night.

“So?”

“So?” I echoed teasingly. She put her hands on her hips and stamped her foot.

“Don’t play games with me missy! I want details!” She laughed, “Nikki called for a few minutes last night, but her mom made her get off the phone so they could talk.”

“Uh oh.” I suddenly stopped stretching as I stood up again. “I wonder what that was about? They seemed like they were okay with everything. I mean, her dad kind of gave me a funny look when Nikki insisted she open the door for me, but other than that…”

Allison giggled, “She did? Oh my God. That is like, so sweet. And so unlike her.” She tacked on a moment later.

“Come on gigglebox. I’ll tell you all about it while we jog. Sorry I didn’t call you last night though. I was sure Nikki would’ve had more time to talk,” I offered, as we started down the driveway.

“I understand. For what it’s worth, she sounded happier than I’ve seen her in a long time,” she responded. From there I began to regale her with how our evening had passed.

She practically had to stop in her tracks for laughing too hard to jog, when I told her about the head chef himself coming out to talk with us. As she caught her breath, Allison glanced over her shoulder.

“Is it me or has that van been following us?” she said softly. I glanced back, and sure enough, a dark red minivan with tinted windows rolled along a few car lengths behind us slowly.

“Let’s turn off at this next road and start heading back,” I responded. At the next street we made a right.

The van followed us, quickly gaining speed. The passenger window lowered as it pulled up alongside us, and a haggard man in his late 20s with messy brown hair and the beginnings of a beard looked over at us. I didn’t like the way he was smiling.

“You girls need a ride?” He offered.

Allison shook her head, “No thanks.”

“Aw c’mon. I won’t bite.”

“She said no!” I shouted, grabbing her hand. He started to slide to the passenger side, and at that point I turned toward him, placing myself in front of Allison.

I clutched my defense spray and attempted to spray him with it. Unfortunately I was shaking so badly that I completely missed, which just made him angrier.

He shouted some extremely foul curses as we tore off toward the nearest house together. By the time he’d gotten out we were on the front steps, banging on the door and screaming.

“What’s going on out here?” A taller man in his thirties with a muscular build opened the door. His hair looked like a classic military buzz cut type, and for a moment I thought we’d be safer with the psycho, but at least this way we could call 9-1-1. We rushed inside before he could stop us.

“There’s a guy out there that won’t leave us alone!” Allison shrieked. I was too scared to say anything.

His expression faded from surprise to utter seriousness as he saw the can of spray in my hand, to say nothing of the fresh droplets where it had just been discharged. He pointed to the next room. “Go in there, get the phone, and dial 9-1-1 then lay low. Don’t come out until I tell you, understand?”

We both nodded and quickly ran around the corner into a small living room. A brown-haired woman in her late twenties, still in her pajamas and bathrobe, watched us with surprise.

“What’s going on?” She insisted. This time I answered.

“We need to call 9-1-1! Some guy tried to get us to get in his van and wouldn’t take no for an answer. We were just out jogging, and this was the closest house we could find.” I spoke quickly, trying my best to remain coherent.

She stood and picked up the phone, dialing as she came over to us, “You did the right thing girls. Just stay low and let Randall handle this, alright?” She then spoke into the phone a moment later, “Yes, we have an emergency at…” She rattled off the address, gave her husband’s name, and proceeded to quickly relate to them the situation.

By this point, the man she identified over the phone as Randall stepped into the room with us. I flinched as I realized he had a handgun.

“He’s still out there, probably considering his options. You three stay here.”

He then moved back into the foyer, crouching behind a small end table near the door. He didn’t have long to wait. I covered my mouth to keep from screaming, though Allison took care of that nicely anyway, as we heard the door being kicked in. A moment later Randall was barking orders, amid sounds of a struggle.

“DOWN ON THE GROUND! DOWN ON THE GROUND NOW!”

The raggedy man practically shrieked in surprise. We heard a loud thud a moment later.

“Beth get the rope out of the hall closet so I can tie up this scumbag for the police to deal with!” He shouted angrily a moment later, “one move and you get a new breathing hole!”

The woman spoke into the phone, “Yes, that was my husband. He just came home from Iraq last week,” was as much of the one-sided conversation as we could hear, between both of us sobbing, and the woman identified as Beth rushing off into the next room.

Randall had taken the guy outside so we at least didn’t have to listen to his cursing and screaming at us, and at the sound of a pair of sirens outside, we peeked cautiously around the front window’s curtains in time to see him surrender his sidearm to one of the police officers. One of the neighbors, seeing that the raggedy man had been handcuffed and placed in one of the two squad cars, came over as well.

We watched as our war hero motioned toward the house, and we quickly moved away from the window as he led a uniformed female officer inside. She had her sandy blonde hair up in a tight French braid that I might have thought looked pretty on her, were I not so focused on more important matters.

She removed her sunglasses as she approached us, “Ladies, I’m Officer Jane Garrett,” she began, “I just want you to know we have the suspect in custody.

"I’m going to need to take your statements, but we have two credible witnesses who heard more than enough of his belligerent screaming, and a neighbor says he saw the suspect chase you before breaking pursuit when Mr. Harris opened the door to let you inside.

“More importantly though, where do you live?” We gave her our addresses, and even though she didn’t ask, our names. She nodded, escorting us out to her waiting car. Her partner, another uniformed police woman with similarly braided auburn hair smiled at us.

“Great job girls,” she offered, “If not for your quick thinking that could have ended badly.” Somehow, I didn't feel terribly reassured by that comment, though I know she meant well.

“Are we going to have to go to the police station?” I asked meekly. At least the other squad car had already left, but the idea of seeing that pervert ever again made me physically ill.

“No, we’re going to take you both straight home,” Jane responded in a professional tone, but added more gently a moment later, “I want your parents present before you give a statement anyway,”

As we climbed into the back of the car, Jane sat up front, calling in that they were going to take ‘the witnesses’ home. Neither Allison nor I said anything as we sat in the back seat.

My stomach was turning somersaults, and Allison was shaking badly. As we pulled into Allison’s driveway, I spoke up.

“M-my sister’s in New Haven for the morning. I’m staying with her for the summer, but Ally’s parents are ‘in charge’ when she’s not home.”

“That’s fine,” Jane answered. I gulped as I saw both Carol and Joe come out to meet them. It must have looked bad, seeing us in the back of a squad car like this. The other officer stepped out, opening the door for us.

Joe was a tall man, standing six feet easily. Even though he had been out of the Marines for several years now, he still had a body that would make a pro wrestler squirm with envy.

The only other time I’d seen him, he was dressed in a suit and tie, so it was odd for me to see him in gray shorts and T-shirt like this, making the whole scene feel even more surreal.

“What’s this about?” He spoke crisply as he approached Officer Garrett, folding his arms. His piercing steel gray eyes settled on us as we meekly exited the vehicle, staying close to the other officer.

“The girls aren’t in any trouble, sir.” Jane began, “We just need to take their statements for a police report.”

“Police report?” Carol interrupted, turning to us.

I spoke up meekly, “This creepy guy tried to get us into his van.”

Carol immediately rushed to our side, throwing her arms around us as we both buried our faces in her shoulders, sobbing.

Joe’s expression softened considerably as he motioned toward the house, “Please come in, and we’ll get this all sorted out.”

Carol and the other woman who identified herself as Officer Melissa Evans - no relation, led us into the Jones’ house. We both sat down on the sofa together, trying to get our emotions under control long enough to give our version of what happened.

I explained as best I could manage how Allison had first noticed the van following us a block up from Mr. Harris’ home. Allison then told them that it was my ‘quick thinking’ that we both changed our regular route and made a break when he lurched at us, after refusing to accept our flat ‘No’, to say nothing of how the failed pepper spraying only served to make him even angrier.

I concluded with how he kicked in the Harris’ door while Beth was on the phone with the 9-1-1 people. As I finished, I gave Allison a reassuring hug.

“Will they be called to testify?” Carol asked, having by now seated herself close to Allison, with Joe sitting beside me with his arms protectively around me. I’d never hugged a man before, but somehow, I felt so safe in his arms. He wasn’t ‘a man’ to me that day, or ever again. He was ‘my best friend’s awesome dad’.

“The suspect’s in violation of parole, and he now faces breaking and entering charges on top of attempted kidnapping. We have the girls’ statements as well as several credible witnesses, though if the suspect opts to plead not guilty there is a chance they’ll be called to testify.

“Assuming you want to press charges, I just need one of you to sign this as well as the girls,” she offered us the clipboard she’d been holding, which Joe glanced over briefly, then signed, handing it to us to sign before returning it to her.

“You girls take it easy now. We’ll be in touch if we need anything else.” We both just nodded, huddling close to Allison’s parents as the officers turned to leave.

Joe gave me a light squeeze and smiled proudly, “That was smart thinking, Robin. I made Allison take self-defense classes, and I’d suggest you do the same, but it’s better not to let a situation get to the point where you need those skills in the first place. I’m proud of you girls.”

Allison smiled a little, “Yeah. You probably saved us.” She sobbed. Joe hugged us both, then stood to retrieve the phone from its base, dialing.

“Margie, this is Joe, Robin’s alright, but there’s been an incident,” I could hear only the beginnings of the conversation, as he stepped into the other room. Curse you cordless phones!

“Ally, are you alright?” I asked as I put my arms around her.

“Not really,” she said softly as she returned the hug. She practically collapsed in my arms, sobbing. “Robin I was so scared!”

“I was too, but I was more afraid for you,” I offered softly as I stroked her hair. I hadn’t given a second thought to what that creep would’ve done to me. I was more concerned with Allison’s well-being.

“Come on, let’s go up to your room and talk.” I gave her a reassuring smile as Carol reluctantly let go. I knew she wanted to be there for her daughter, and she probably needed to be, but if I didn’t try to be there for Allison, I’d only have a breakdown myself. On the inside, I was a nervous wreck. I wanted to just curl up into a ball and hide away from the world.

I decided her bedroom would be the most comfortable place in terms of familiarity and security for her, so I led her upstairs, passing Joe along the way. He gave me a reassuring smile. I carefully guided Allison up the stairs to her bedroom, picking up the box of tissues that sat on her nightstand.

“Thank you Robin,” she sobbed as we sat. I shook my head slowly as I held her, “How many times have you been here for me when I just needed someone to hold me?” I replied.

“Yeah, but… I mean back there, I was just panicked, but you took charge and probably saved us both. I felt so helpless!”

I nodded, continuing to stroke her hair. I didn’t know what else to do or to say. Finally Carol came in and sat on the other side. She put her arms around Allison, who shifted, releasing me to put embrace her.

“Ally, I’m going to go call Margie okay?” I lied, but I didn’t want Allison worrying about me. Not like this. Carol gave me a comforting smile. She had begun to slowly rock Allison as I stepped out of the room. Joe was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. I began to wonder if he had ESP or something.

“How you holding up?” He offered in a gentle tone that I honestly didn’t know he was capable of. I shrugged a little.

“Trying not to think about it. Allison’s a mess. I don’t know if she’s going to want to go jogging again for awhile. I’m not sure I want to either.” I gave a stuttered sigh, letting on just how close I was to losing it again. Joe wrapped me in another fatherly hug. I couldn’t help myself, and just started sobbing into his chest.

“Shh, it’s okay,” he responded.

We stayed like that in mostly-silence for several minutes. I finally managed to get control of myself and looked up at him.

“If anything would’ve happened to her, I would never forgive myself,” I whispered.

He smiled as he stroked my hair, “She’s lucky to have a friend who cares so much for her well-being. I know I said it before, but you did the right thing running to get help.”

“Something just felt so wrong about the whole situation, especially the way he was leering at us! Oh God, what if I have to testify? I gave my statement as ‘Robin’. What if the creep’s attorney gets him off on a technicality because of me?”

“Robin, Robin! Slow down!” he responded, “First of all the police officer said they had several credible witnesses, and he’s facing breaking and entering charges in addition to attempted kidnapping, and depending on what they find in the vehicle, even if this does go to court, the chances of you girls being summoned to testify are pretty slim.”

I couldn’t tell if he really knew what he was talking about, or if he was just trying to make me feel better. I did feel a little better, but I still wished Mom was here. I smiled a little.

“Thanks. That does help a little,” I offered. He smiled, kissing the top of my head.

“You’re welcome, Robin. Anytime you need to talk about anything, you know you can come to Carol or me. Now I need to check on Allison. Are you sure you’re alright?”

“No, but I’m as alright as I’m going to be,” I offered softly. “I’m not going to do anything stupid or anything though.” I offered. He gave a soft nod, patting my shoulder gently as he passed to go upstairs.

I sat down on the bottom step with my chin against my bare knees, though I suddenly felt a gentle hand on my shoulder, and looked up to see Carol smiling down at me. She sat down and put her arms around me. She looked like she’d been crying.

“Thank you so much, Robin. You’re such a remarkable young lady.” I blushed intensely, shaking my head.

“Everybody keeps telling me that. I just did what I had to do to protect us both.”

“When Joe called your sister she was just about to leave New Haven. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want. She also said to remind you to call Doctor Ketz if you needed to.”

I managed a small smile as I shook my head again, “I’m okay. I mean, I’m trying not to think about it too much. It’s funny though. You think about the weirdest things when you’re going through something like this.”

“Like what, dear?” she asked with concern.

I shrugged a little, “Like, it occurred to me that if this happened a week ago, I would’ve said something totally stupid and out of place like ‘If I wasn’t trying to be a girl this would’ve never happened’. I mean, people mistook me for a girl even before, so it’s not like it would’ve changed anything.”

“Kelly went through the same thing during her transition,” she advised with a reminiscing chuckle as she gave me a light squeeze. “It wasn’t all rose petals. Every time she’d get in an argument with a girl at school over something, she’d whine about how it would’ve never happened to Kevin.

“And then I’d remind her that Kevin was expelled for fighting. I hated bringing up the past with her, but it was the only way to make her realize how far she’d come, and how much happier she was.”

“That’s what I’ve come to realize. Everything’s happened so fast, and yet, part of that’s because I’ve had such supportive people around me, willing to accept me for who I am and not who I was pretending to be before. Being a girl is scary, but it’s worth it to be who I was meant to be.”

Allison interrupted us, offering quietly, “Brave, intelligent, pretty, and a blast to be with.”

I looked up to see her coming down the stairs, with Joe not far behind. She hugged her mom then pulled me up so she could hug me, kissing my cheek a moment later. “Don’t take this the wrong way or anything, but I love you to death. Don’t ever change.”

I blushed as I hugged her back, “I do need to change, though. We both smell like a gym sock.” She giggled a little. I added a moment later, “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“Yeah, I’m… I’m not okay, but I’m getting there. Still freaked the crap out, but a little better.”

I nodded, “I think hiking will be better for us tomorrow. Doctor Ketz rescheduled my appointment for the afternoon anyway, so I have all morning,” I paused, glancing at Carol, “Um, Carol? Could you come over for a few minutes while I get a quick shower?” I was still badly shaken by the experience, and didn’t want to be alone yet.

She smiled, “You can shower here if you want, sweetheart, but I’ll be happy to go with you in either case. Allison, you should get yourself a shower as well. I think you’ll both feel better.”

Allison nodded and turned to make her way upstairs, while Carol and I walked across the lawn to Margie’s house. Thankfully she followed me upstairs while I picked out something to wear. She even waited patiently as I sorted through several outfits.

“I need more jeans,” I whined, as I laid out a pair of faded blue jeans and a modest green knit top. Somehow, everything else just left me feeling far too exposed.

“Margie says they just opened a new mall in town about a month ago, so I might see if any stores there need a new sales girl part-time.”

Now I was just trying to change the subject, make conversation, or just think about ANYTHING but what had transpired earlier.

“That’s a wonderful idea, dear. I wish Allison would look into something like that. She refused to tell me why she didn’t want to go to camp this year, though.”

She seemed to be deferring to me, hoping I might be able to answer, as I pulled a fresh set of undergarments from my dresser, placing everything, along with a pair of one inch heeled sandals into my old backpack.

“She said her friend Jennifer was going to be a junior counselor this year. Do they come home on weekends or stay gone the whole time?” I changed the subject.

I felt bad that Allison had skipped camp for me this year, but more so I didn’t want to betray her trust, if she hadn’t told her mother yet.

“Resident camps last two weeks, generally, with an off weekend for counselors to attend to personal matters. You know, Robin, I recall reading in the brochure that the camps don’t discriminate based on age, race, sex, or sexual orientation, among other things.”

I blinked, “… What? It’s a Girl Scout camp. How can they not discriminate based on sex?”

She chuckled faintly, “Well, technically, but everyone, including you, knows you’re a girl. Your therapist could vouch for you, and special arrangements could be made.

“I’m not trying to push you into anything, dear. I just thought you might want to think about it. Allison skipped out this year, but she might be more willing to go next year if you and Nicole signed up.”

What did I just get myself into? I was just trying to change the subject! It wasn’t an altogether unappealing idea, though.

“I’ll… give it some thought,” I finally offered quietly, as we walked back downstairs. Margie was going to love this. It at least was still an entire year away, by the way she talked. They probably had some sort of cut-off date.

Strangely, part of me wished I hadn’t missed it. I was no wilderness girl, but the thought of making new friends and bonding with other girls our age sounded almost whimsical, or perhaps I just wanted to be somewhere - anywhere else. Anywhere safe.
 

 
I didn’t leave Carol or Joe’s sight the day of the incident with the raggedy man. It had unnerved me to my core, but I was admittedly more scared for Allison. I should have been more terrified for myself, but I’d never had a friend like her before.

She knew the truth right from the start, but played along to keep from making me feel worse. When the creep wouldn’t take no for an answer, I did the only thing I could think of. I grabbed her hand, and I ran like hell.

I must have been forty-five minutes in that shower, trying to scrub away those horrible memories. I’d used Allison and Kelly’s shared bathroom, insisting she use her parents’ master bath. When I finally emerged, I still felt dirty. I felt violated. Even though nothing technically happened, the mere fact that if we hadn’t run away something could have was just too overwhelming.

After dressing I walked down the hall, pausing at Allison’s room. She was lying back on the bed, chatting on the phone as though nothing had happened. I walked in and gave her hand a squeeze, but when I turned to leave again, she gripped it tightly and refused to let me go. She smiled up at me, offering me the phone.

“Jennifer wants to talk to you.”

“Um… Hi?” I said, unsure exactly what to expect. I knew nothing about Jennifer other than that she and Allison had been best friends since pre-K. I shouldn’t have been terribly surprised that she sounded like a more upbeat version of Allison.

“Hi Robin!” she exclaimed cheerily. Apparently Allison hadn’t mentioned the morning’s events to her, “Ally was just catching me up on what I’ve been missing. Is it true you and Nikki are dating?”

I blushed. ‘What did Ally tell her exactly?’ I wondered, as I replied, “Well, we went out last night, but neither of us is ready for anything serious yet. That jerk she was dating just broke up with her voice mail last week.”

“Ohmygawd, are you serious? I knew he was a prick, but that’s low even for him! Ugh. It’s so sweet that you talked her into going to that music thing though! Anyway, I’ll be home next weekend if you want to hang out, just me and Ally and Nikki and you, y’know?

“It used to just be the three of us, but anyone who can pull Nikki out of that funk she’s been in for like, ever is okay by me!” she paused, muttering, “Aw, crap. The dragon’s coming! Listen, I’ve gotta run. Give Ally a hug for me okay? Aloha!”

She hung up before I could reply. I chuckled as I turned the phone off and bent down to hug Allison. She smiled.

“That was nice. What was it for?”

“She told me to give you a hug for her. She said something about a dragon, ‘Aloha’, then hung up.”

“Heehee. That’d be the camp director. The woman’s older than dirt. She makes awesome smores though,” she commented, as I sat down on the floor with my back to her bed. I dragged my knees to my chest and rested my chin against them. I suddenly felt Allison’s hand on my shoulder and looked up to see her smiling down at me.

“You okay?” She said softly. I shook my head.

“Far from it. Normally my shower time is a chance for me to reflect on things, but I couldn’t stop thinking about…” I stopped short. She nodded in response as she brushed a few strands of moist hair from my face.

“I know; me too,” she added.

I lightly nuzzled her hand, deciding to change the subject for both our sakes, “Hey, have you heard from Nikki yet?”

“Not yet. Oh, hey. Duh, I forgot to check my messages.” She reached over to her nightstand and picked up a fashionably pink text-phone, punching something in and frowning as she read. “Uh oh.”

“What?” I glanced up expectantly.

“No spoilers.” She responded simply, putting her phone away, “Just know that everything’s cool with Nikki’s parents. She’s grounded for reasons that, I swear to you on my subscription to Seventeen have nothing to do with you, though. You uh… kinda made an impact on her parents.”

I could feel my cheeks burning. I knew I was blushing AGAIN; Allison and Nicole seemed to have that effect on me, of course, causing her to giggle. I couldn’t help myself, and started to giggle too. It was better to laugh than to cry, I figured.

The rest of the morning passed in much the same way, with me occasionally trying to worm Nicole’s secrets out of Allison, to no avail. Margie called ahead to let me know she was almost home, but wouldn’t explain where she’d been over the phone. Apparently it was worthy of a serious face-to-face discussion, so I didn’t press the matter.

When she came to collect me though, it was all I could do not to break down. It was just such an emotional relief to see her again. I could say that I hugged her for a full minute, but the truth is, even if I hadn’t, she would’ve.

We both thanked Carol and Joe for letting me stay, and as we walked back to her house, she asked if I wanted to talk about it. I just shook my head, as we stepped inside.

“I’m trying not to think about it too much,” I objected as gently as I could. I knew Joe had probably told her everything already; there was nothing more I could add. To my surprise, she simply nodded.

She walked into the living room and sat on the sofa; I joined her a moment later, waiting until I was comfortably buried in her side before asking where she’d gone.

“I had to see my lawyer about some things,” she stated ambiguously.

“About me?” I asked hesitantly. She slowly nodded.

“Robin, I don’t know what’s going to happen with Linda, but I do know that with what you’re going through right now, if the worst should happen, I need to be prepared. I stopped by Doctor Ketz’ office to get a formal letter stating that, for now, you’re to live full-time as a girl under her supervision.

“I’ve got the ball rolling on the necessary paperwork to become your legal guardian,” I was initially excited to hear about the letter, but the legal guardian comment left me a little bewildered. Margie could tell I wasn’t sure what to make of it.

“What that means is that while your mom is incapacitated, I’ll be in charge of taking care of you. It would also give me power of attorney over your finances, but I won’t touch any of that of course.”

“So, basically nothing changes?” I smiled a little as she nodded.

“Exactly,” she began, “Well, actually it’s more than that. It means that if something does happen that I’ll already have assumed guardianship as your closest blood relative. That’s why the hearing on Monday, and why I had to get that letter. It’s for my attorney’s records. We’re basically trying to make this as smooth as possible for you.”

I leaned up to kiss her cheek, then nuzzled into her shoulder, “I really appreciate everything you’re doing for me.”

“Hey, you’re the best kind of family: the kind that I actually want to spend as much time with as possible.” She ruffled my hair playfully, reminding me that I hadn’t done anything with it yet for letting it air dry.

“Do I have to be at the hearing?” I was by now quite comfortable living in-role as Robin, to the point that other than going to the bathroom, I found myself actually forgetting Robert ever existed pretty often. The thought of being called ‘Robert’ in a public place again made me want to cringe, at the very least.

“Not initially. That’s why I’ve gone to the trouble of arranging everything in advance like this. I didn’t want it to disrupt your life if it can be avoided. Doctor Ketz may be called to speak on your behalf, and you can attend if you want, but I’ve been assured that since we’re doing everything by the book, that the proceedings should be just a formality.”

“That’s a relief. Hey, sis? I’m gonna go upstairs and write in my diary a little while,” I spoke with all the confidence I was feeling at that moment, which is to say not a lot. I think she understood though. In the time I’d been staying here, every time something big or small happened, I was writing in that little book.

She nodded, “Okay. I’ll be here if you need to talk,” she added as I stood. I looked back at her with confusion.

“Don’t you have to go back to work?”

She gave me a supportive smile as she stood, “One of the benefits of being self-employed is being your own boss. My girls know I had an appointment this morning so they have things well in-hand. We’re expecting a shipment tomorrow morning so I’ll be there to arrange displays anyway,” she paused, bringing her hand up to cup my face. I couldn’t help but smile.

“Besides, your well-being is more important. You had a pretty traumatic experience this morning. I’m sure Carol and Joe talked to you about it, but a five minute lecture isn’t going to make things all better. I’m here if you need me.”

I hugged her tightly as I nodded, “Like I said, I’m trying not to think about it. I know I’ll have to face it eventually, but right now I just want to forget it even happened.”

She gave me an understanding nod, but I could see the concern in her expression. She kissed my forehead, holding me close to her for a moment before letting me go up to my room.

I lay across my bed on my stomach and cuddled the little teddy bear Allison gave me at the hospital, one sandal barely hanging on by the toes as I stared at the blank diary page. ‘Do I really want to write this down?’ I thought.

I began flipping back through past entries, before the ones where I started signing my name as ‘Robin’ with a heart-dotted-i. It was kind of jarring, seeing just how dark my past entries had been. ‘Was I really that lonely?’ I heaved a sigh, returning to the blank page, and began writing.

I didn’t hear from Nicole or Allison at all the rest of the day. Allison I figured was having mother-daughter time with Carol, but Nicole, I wasn’t so sure about.

At least she had texted Allison to let her know everything was okay, but what did she mean about me making an impression on her adopted parents?

Margie made us a simple lunch of mac-and-cheese, and offered to take me shopping, but my heart just wasn’t in it, so we spent the afternoon watching movies in silence together.

The next morning, I’d planned to go hiking with Allison (and hopefully Nicole), so rather than my usual workout gear I decided to keep it simple and threw on a pale yellow top. I pulled on a pair of Robert’s old jeans next.

I’d grown so accustomed to wearing girls’ jeans that they actually felt kind of awkward, and I’d swear they didn’t fit right. Then, most of Robert’s clothes didn’t fit me right. They always seemed a size too large where Robin’s things clung to my body more comfortably.

I grabbed a simple brown leather belt, not for the sake of fashion but to keep my stupid jeans from falling down, and paired everything with a pale blue tank top. I didn’t have any hiking boots, and I wasn’t about to sacrifice my good shoes, so I threw on the ratty old sneakers I’d worn to the hospital the night of Mom’s accident.

As I stood playing with my hair in the full length mirror that hung from the closet door, I frowned. I was becoming increasingly aware these past couple of days, that I really hadn’t taken pride in my appearance as Robert.

To offset the utterly tomboyish lower half I decided to throw on a dash of glossy pink lipstick. I knew we were going to be out in the woods, but I just couldn’t leave the house looking so frumpy!

I grabbed my things including my cell phone and wallet, throwing them into my fanny pack and heading downstairs. To my delight, Nicole was waiting with Allison out in the driveway this morning.

It was pretty anticlimactic compared to our date, though. Nicole was wearing faded jeans and brand new hiking boots with a white top under a loose flannel shirt, with Allison dressed similarly, minus the flannel, though she was carrying a rugged, well-worn knapsack. I began to realize just how serious she took these day trips.

“No butch jokes,” Nicole sneered playfully as I walked up to her. I laughed as we embraced.

“Are you kidding? These are boys’ jeans and shoes I’m wearing. I’ve got no room to talk. I didn’t have any hiking boots, and there’s no way I’m going to risk ruining anything I’d actually want to be seen in public wearing.”

Both Allison and Nicole laughed. After Allison and I exchanged hugs, she began her Wilderness Girl lecture, “Okay you two, here’s what you need to know. One, if I tell you to stay away from a bush, for God’s sake stay away, otherwise you’ll be itching for a week.

“Two, no eating mushrooms! A girl at camp last year almost died because she ate a poisoned mushroom.

“Three, Robin, put this on your ankles and exposed skin,” she handed me a bottle of insect repellant lotion, which I rubbed over my arms, neck, back, face, and then applied to my ankles and lower legs. I handed it back to her and she dropped it in her backpack.

“So, Nikki, what happened yesterday?” I turned my attention to her. It’s not that I wasn’t paying attention to, or intending to heed, Allison’s warnings, but I’d wanted to ask since Allison received her text message.

“Oh, um… Yeah, it’s a long story,” she replied sheepishly as we set out, crossing Allison’s backyard and out her back gate to begin our trek toward the forest. As we walked, Nicole explained how while doing laundry, her mother had found a couple of marijuana joints in a pants pocket from a pair of jeans that had somehow escaped being washed since before the breakup.

“Mom thought it might be yours Robin,” she offered in a sober tone, “I basically screamed at her never to talk about you like that.

“Dad came in and demanded to know what all the yelling was about, and that’s when I told him the truth. I told howJason had scored it for me to try, but I was too chicken.

“When he broke up with me, I was planning on getting wasted that night, but you’d invited me to that slumber party instead. I made up my mind that night that I was going to throw them away, but since I left from Ally’s right for camp, I didn’t get a chance. So uh… basically my parents think you’re awesome for keeping me off drugs.” She smiled sheepishly.

“So why didn’t you call and let me know you were okay sooner?” I asked. I put an arm around her a moment later, “I’m proud of you for changing your mind by the way.”

She turned a few shades of red as she smiled back, “I was grounded, remember? Still am actually, but when I asked Mom if I could go hiking with you and Ally, she decided it’d be good for me.”

Allison giggled to herself as she stopped just at the forest’s edge, glancing this way, then that. “Okay, Robin. Does any of this look familiar?”

I shook my head. “Should it?”

“I guess not. You were flat on your back when you were here last. This is where they brought you out to the ambulance. Now, are you ready for this?”

Nicole and I stared at each other a moment. It was clear she was as lost as I, so I just nodded. Allison walked about twenty yards with us in tow. It was difficult to see at first, but as we drew closer, there was a definite trail beaten down between the trees. She grinned.

“You were close to my favorite nature trail. I think it’s an old game trail. National Park Service has it marked for day-hikes like this. Oh by the way, I brought extra water if either of you get thirsty, plus something special for brunch.

“Cinderella has to be back by noon or she’ll turn into a pumpkin,” she nodded toward me. I blushed as Nicole cracked up laughing, echoing ‘Pumpkin’, “But we’ll have plenty of time.”

Allison led us deeper into the forest, pointing out the different flora as we went. At one point we stopped to watch a belligerent chipmunk chattering away and chasing another out of his tree.

“See, even in nature men are jerks,” Nicole joked, causing us both to laugh.

Allison revealed that they were so easily able to find me the night I got lost because I’d stumbled on a tree root literally a stone’s throw from the main trail. If I hadn’t fallen I would’ve probably found the marked trail easily.

Eventually we came to a small stream. Large and small rocks rubbed smooth seemed to suggest that it was once a much larger river, though Allison admitted she didn’t know the history too well.

She led us closer, examining the immediate area. This part of the stream had about a four inch drop due to the way the river rocks sat, creating a calming ‘babbling brook’ effect.

After Allison declared the large, flat boulder a snake-free zone (much to our relief) she sat cross-legged on the rock and invited us to join her, passing out peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on wheat, along with unopened water bottles.

“I love it here,” she said quietly. As though on cue, a mockingbird perched in a nearby tree and began to sing.

I felt Nicole squeeze my hand as she replied, “Thanks for bringing us out here, Ally. I never was all that into nature, but I have to admit this is really awesome.”

I nodded my agreement, washing down my bite of sandwich, “Yeah, this is amazing. I just feel so at peace here.”

Allison grinned that devious, calculating grin of hers, “Y’know, I was talking to Jennifer, and they had a lot less interest in the CIT program than they expected this year. I mean, way less than I originally thought, as in Jen was the only one. They’re worried they won’t have enough second year counselor trainees next year.”

“Now wait a minute,” Nicole interrupted, “I haven’t been in the scouts since I was five. My parents,” she hesitated, lowering her gaze.

I scooted closer and put an arm around her, “It’s okay Nikki. You don’t have to talk about the past.”

She smiled softly at me as she put her head on my shoulder, “My BIRTH parents,” she emphasized with disgust, “pulled me out after a year, after our den mother caught them trying to skim cookie sale money.”

Allison and I frowned in unison, “That’s just low. I’m so sorry Nikki,” Allison added, then smiled, “But this could be a chance for you to stick it to them for pulling that crap. Rise above and be all the girl you can be.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll go if you’ll just turn off the patriotism!” Her sarcasm was as biting as ever, but the smile showed she didn’t mean it. They both turned their gazes on me. I looked between the two of them slowly.

“… What?”

They giggled. Nicole started giving me the puppy eyes, “It’ll be so much more fun with someone else there who’s as lost as mee-eee,” she pleaded in a sing-song tone that melted my heart. I reluctantly sighed, “Okay, but ONLY if the camp is okay with it.”

Allison beamed, “They are. Unlike the Boy Scouts we don’t discriminate. Counselors don’t encourage anything either, and if it got out that a counselor admitted to being openly lesbian or something they might take action, but largely because they want girls to feel as safe as possible.”

I admit, it kind of made me feel warm inside that Allison thought I meant the part about Nicole and I both liking girls, and not the other reason.

“But I know you two. I know you’d never do anything to hurt another girl or make her feel uneasy … Actually,” she bit her lip, “Actually just the opposite for you Robin. Nikki, did you hear about that guy they arrested in our area?”

“Yeah, it was all over the news last night. Apparently he tried to pick up two teenagers who were out jogging, then busted into some Iraq veteran’s…” she trailed off as realization began to dawn on her. Her jaw fell right open,

“Oh my God! You were the two girls?! Why didn’t you say anything?! Are you okay?! I mean he didn’t hurt you did he?” She gushed a mile a minute. I spoke up first.

“I’m definitely not okay, but I have an appointment to see my therapist this afternoon so I’m going to talk about it there. I’m more worried about Ally,” I offered softly.

Nicole let go of my hand, moving to Allison’s side and hugging her close. Allison sat silently, leaning her head into Nicole’s shoulder.

“I’m alright,” she offered softly, “thanks to Robin. She had the idea to turn off on a side-street to see if he was really following us, then when he tried to get us to get in his van she grabbed my hand and ran like you wouldn’t believe for the nearest house.”

When she finished, she turned around on the boulder, facing the stream. She sat staring into the water as Nicole turned to join her, with me standing and walking across to join them on the other side a moment later.

“Hey, Ally? Don’t the scouts have a cut-off date for sign-ups every summer?” I asked, trying to steer the conversation to something less upsetting for her. She nodded.

“Normally yeah, but like I said, they had a lot less interest in the CIT program this year. I told Jen I might know two girls plus me that would be interested if she could convince the Dragon to fudge some paperwork.” She managed a weak smile as she turned to set her gaze on me.

“You should totally bring this up with your therapist though. I really want you to go. Camp is a life-changing experience for a girl, but I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable either.”

Nicole added a moment later, “If you decide to go Robin, Ally, you, me, and Jennifer can probably all share a cabin too.”

“Like I said, if the camp’s okay with the fact that I’m only a girl on the inside, then I’ll go. But I don’t want to be the reason some other girl never goes again either.”

Allison hugged me, “You’re so sweet,” she said, and proceeded to slide off her rock, carefully packing up our empty sandwich bags. “We’d better start heading back,” there was a sorrowful tone in her voice.

“What’s wrong Ally?” I asked, as I picked up my water bottle.

She breathed a whimsical sigh. “It’s just I can’t remember the last time I had this much fun walking this trail. I hate to see it come to an end already.”

Nicole giggled as she hugged her, “Oh psh. It’s not like we can’t do this again sometime, once we get Pumpkin here fitted for some proper hiking boots.”

They both laughed as I rolled my eyes, “Okay, I’ll see if I can get Margie to take me shopping after my appointment: any recommendations?” Asking girls for advice on shoes was a dangerous question.

We spent the better part of our hike back discussing the different materials, fits, and styles of hiking boot, and even then I still had a lot to consider for ensuring I had a good, comfortable fit. I wished I could drag them along to help me decide.

I parted ways with Allison and Nicole at our driveway. Despite the romantic evening we’d shared the night before, it was relatively easy to stay in ‘comfortably close friends’ zone with Nicole.

I did kiss her cheek when I hugged her goodbye though, which left her (as well as Allison) a little giggly.

After heading back inside, I found I had just enough time for a quick shower. I still hadn’t planned what I was going to wear, so it actually was just a quick wash-down towel-off.

The advantage to this was I didn’t have time to think about anything. I heard the front door open just as I rushed back to my bedroom in nothing but my undergarments.

“Robin?” Margie called. I could hear her on the stairs as I shouted back.

“Just a second!”

“Well hurry up. We need to be on the road in fifteen minutes! Oh, Denise asked if it’s okay for her to frame a copy of the picture of you, Allison and Nicole to hang on the wall at her salon.”

I was standing at the back of my closet, laser-focused on deciding between a hot pink or deep red spaghetti-strap top.

I decided both showed far more skin than I was comfortable with in public after yesterday’s incident, so I compromised, taking a short-sleeved powder pink top and layering it under the red one to create a cute, casual look.

I threw on a pair of dark jeans, relieved to be back in my more comfortably-fitting girls’ jeans again and grabbed the sandals I wore the day before.

“Margie?” I called. She stepped right around the corner, apparently having been waiting for me.

“Yes Robin?” She chimed, adding, “Ooh, cute top. If I was shorter I’d have to ask to borrow it some time.”

I giggled a little as I sat at my makeup table. “Could you do my hair for me? I still need to do my makeup.”

“Sure thing sweetie,” she responded more cheerily, “I can’t begin to tell you how much I love having a little sister to spoil like this. I wish I’d known you felt this way when you were younger, but,” she paused, causing me to angle my compact mirror up toward her.

“But what?”

“It’s nothing,” she finally exhaled. I started to press the subject, but decided better of it.

Ten minutes of primping time later, I grabbed a red satin scrunchie and slipped it around my writ in case I needed it for later, picking up my purse on the way out the door.

“So, do you know what you want to talk to Doctor Ketz about today?” She asked, as if she didn’t know.

“Yeah, I have a lot on my mind right now actually. Not just ‘the incident’, but also hormones and,” I paused. Margie glanced at me with concern, “What is it, Robin? You know you can tell me.”

I blushed, “Allison says they didn’t have as many girls interested in CIT this year — counselor in training program. She um… She wants me and Nikki to join the Girl Scouts with her.”

Margie stared thoughtfully at the road. I thought she’d object by just how long it took her to respond. “How do you feel about it?” she asked.

I rolled my shoulders, “I want to do it. I’d LOVE to do it, actually. Hiking with her and Nikki today was so incredibly fun. But I’m scared of what would happen if someone found out I used to be a boy.”

There were those words again, ‘used to be’. I tried to think back to exactly when it was that I stopped thinking of myself as a boy in a dress, but my thoughts were interrupted.

“What about that scares you, specifically?”

“It’s not that I’m afraid someone will hurt me there. The worst I’d get is sent home, I figure. The thing is, I don’t want to ruin some other girl’s experience.”

She smiled softly at that and reached over to squeeze my hand, “I think the fact that you even care, let alone so much that you’d be willing to not go, says a lot. Talk to Doctor Ketz about it and see what she says. This could be really good for you.”

I nodded, moving it on my mental list up from ‘might bring up’ to ‘second thing to talk about’. Meanwhile there was one other important matter, “Hey, um, Margie? Is that offer for shopping still good?”

She gave me a skeptical glance, causing me to giggle as I held my hands up disarmingly, “I just need some hiking boots. Even if I don’t go to camp, Ally, Nikki and I are definitely going hiking again.

“I got a bunch of pointers on what to look for and where so it’s just a matter of finding something comfortable from there.”

“Sounds good. I wish I could’ve gone with you this morning. I haven’t been hiking since Kelly and I went backpacking across Europe a few years ago for our summer break.”

We spent the rest of the drive to New Haven discussing Margie’s European vacation. More than anything I think I just needed to talk about something upbeat to lift my own spirits.

There was a famous movie from the nineties that coined the phrase, ‘Life’s like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re going to get.’

My life, however, felt more like an amusement park roller coaster, with ups, downs, twists, and turns. I only hoped the guy who built the ride followed the proper safety standards.