A Letter From the Author:

Hi everyone,

I'm going to start by saying that Book Three is by no means finished. I have the first six chapters pretty much 'ready' after two months of hard work. As I move forward, I'm going to be taking greater care in my writing than I have in the past.

That means that, going forward, chapters will be fewer and farther between as I refine and perfect each one. That can't be helped, but the reason I've decided to go ahead and start posting is that in writing both Book One and Book Two, I've found that interaction drives my creativity as much as anything.

I love interacting with readers. Sometimes someone will see a connection that I never noticed, but that fits so perfectly into the story that I can't not use it after they've pointed it out. Other times someone will see a logical flaw that I can go back and fix, and become a better writer for it :-)

I'm also employing new writing techniques that I've learned. Probably the most 'jarring' change from the past is that I'm going to be skipping ahead more, trying to focus on the more action-oriented points of the story. I'm also cutting back on the narrative a little bit. Anyone who's spent more than five minutes talking to me knows how I tend to ramble ;-)

So with all that said, I'm going to start posting some time today. I need to do a title page first, for which this 'letter' will be the book's preface, but I wanted to post it ahead of time just so we're all on the same page. I hope that my extra effort in trying to polish each chapter comes through.

Love,
~Zoe

~* When it Rains, it Pours *~ “Hello?” Kristen, Heedless Despair’s lead guitarist, responded in an uneasy tone. “Robin? Thank God, Nicole wasn’t answering.” “It’s six A.M.” I whined, rubbing my eyes with my free hand. “I’m sorry,” she offered. “I didn’t know what else to do. There’s been an accident, and I was wondering if Moira ever gave you her girlfriend’s number.”

---

“I knew it was coming,” Allison whimpered, trying to bury her face in her locker. “We’re just too different.” She turned back to face me, giving me a forced smile. I pulled her into a hug just as Jennifer and Nicole came around the corner. They immediately ran over to us.

“Oh my Gawd, what happened?” Nicole demanded.

I stroked Allison’s hair as I held her, letting her cry on my shoulder. “Mark dumped Ally.”

Jennifer scowled as she stepped closer, putting an arm around her. “Ally I am so sorry! You know it’s his loss though right?”

She sniffed, letting me go. Nicole pulled a tissue from her purse to offer as she added, “Really though. And this close to V-day? Christ, he can be a blockhead sometimes, but that was just cold.”

Allison tried to smile more genuinely. She failed, but it’s the thought that counts. “It’s okay. Don’t blame him Nikki. We only dated for like a month or two.”

“That doesn’t make it any better,” Jennifer advised gently. “I mean, rejection sucks no matter the source. Let’s get you cleaned up. Robin, would you let Coach Wilson know we’re going to be a little late?”

I nodded and gave them both a hug before I turned to head for the nearest exit. Nicole caught up with me a few seconds later, along with Maria. The latter bumped her shoulder playfully with mine as she smiled.

“Hey, what’s up? You look like you swallowed your gum,” she asked. I laughed quietly despite myself.

“Mark dumped Ally,” Nicole answered somberly. “With Jen and Josh dating other people now, that just leaves us and you and Jason.”

Maria frowned. “Yeah, about that,” she trailed off. Nicole’s face fell.

“Jesus, not you too?”

Maria smiled a little. “No, it’s not like that. It’s just, well papa’s having trouble with the paperwork for me revisiting next year. I’d rather not talk about it though. I hate politics. So what happened with Mark and Ally? They were so cute together.”

“Dunno,” Nicole answered, shifting her gaze to me. I just shook my head.

“How’s the wedding plan going? Not to change the subject,” she added with a sly grin.

~oOo~

P.E. went about as expected. I don’t think any of us really felt like doing more than just going through the motions that day. We all really felt bad for Allison. For a teenage girl, Valentine’s Day is the greatest rush in the world, so I’m told. Back in San Francisco, I certainly saw many a giggly girl bubbling about roses and balloons from friends and boyfriends.

That night we threw a sympathy slumber party to try and raise her spirits. While she was upstairs getting her hair brush, I took a minute to practice on Kelly’s baby grand piano. Timing seemed like my biggest obstacle.

“That’s really pretty. What is it?” Nicole asked from behind me, giggling when I jumped. “Sorry,” she cooed, wrapping me in a hug. I tilted my head back to kiss her cheek.

“It’s something Moira showed me. I don’t know the words though. She said it was an ‘air’, whatever that means.”

Jennifer stepped in from the kitchen with a smile. “Tacos are ready. Can one of you carry the ice cream?”

“I’ll get it,” Nicole replied, turning back to me. “You’ve got the trashy movie right?”

“The trashiest. It’s downstairs in my backpack. I can’t believe we’re doing this on a school night.”

“Yeah, but Ally needs us, whether she’ll admit it or not.”

I smiled as I nodded, standing from the piano. “Yeah, I know. I just wish I could do more.”

“I kinda blame myself,” Nicole confessed, but only after ensuring that Jennifer had left the room again. “I mean, I really pushed them together because Mark said she was cute. He was right, of course,” she added. She started to blush. “I mean- you know what I mean!” she fumbled.

I tried not to laugh too much. “Yeah, I know what you mean. Before I met you I thought what I felt for her was what love was like. I never had a friend like her before-”

Jennifer cleared her throat. We both looked over to see her standing with a plate of tacos in-hand, Allison standing next to her, holding two tubs of ice cream stacked in one hand, and bowls in the other. Allison grinned for the first time that day. I could feel my cheeks burning already.

“I love you guys,” she mused then tilted her head back toward the hallway. “Now come on already. You can keep talking about how awesome I am if you want, though,” she added. Jennifer giggled, shaking her head slowly.

~oOo~

Thursday and Friday passed mostly uneventfully. We won our basketball game by a wide margin, Allison made the local gossip chain, and poor Mark got an earful from Laura. Allison actually tried to come to his defense, insisting it was mutual, but that just made it worse because Mark felt he didn’t need her to defend him.

He yelled at her to back off, and she slapped him pretty hard. The poor idiot turned around to face Laura, who slapped him even harder, or so I’m told. I was doing damage control with Allison along with Jennifer while Nicole tried to calm Mark.

High school drama at its finest, basically: I never realized how lucky I had been with Nicole. Even for all her problems, and for everything that had happened to her before we started dating, our relationship just seemed not to follow the ‘normal’ rules for high school romance.

Saturday morning, I thought I would get a reprieve to sleep in. I was in the middle of the most wonderful dream when my cell phone, sitting precariously close to my head on the nightstand started blaring the opening riffs to my favorite Heedless Despair song-turned-ringtone. I yawned, groaning as I fumbled to open it.

“Hello?”

Kristen, Heedless Despair’s lead guitarist, responded in an uneasy tone. “Robin? Thank God, Nicole wasn’t answering.”

“It’s six A.M.” I whined, rubbing my eyes with my free hand.

“I’m sorry,” she offered. “I didn’t know what else to do. There’s been an accident, and I was wondering if Moira ever gave you her girlfriend’s number.”

I sat bolt upright. Never in my life had I gone from half-asleep to wide-awake so fast. “What happened?”

“We’re at the London Royal Hospital. Moira slipped and bumped her head, and she might have broken her ankle. She’s being examined right now. God, this is all my fault.”

“Wait, calm down. Tell me what happened,” I asked in as even a tone as I could manage. Kristen slowly inhaled then exhaled.

“We had an argument. It was stupid really, not even worth arguing about. She stormed out, wasn’t watching where she was going, and hit a patch of ice. Our big tour’s coming up, and we were supposed to leave next week to start setting up and doing live rehearsals. Oh God,” she frantically continued until another female voice, possibly Lucia, interrupted her.

“It’s okay. Accidents happen.”

“I don’t have Regina’s number, but I know someone that will. Can I call you back?”

“Yes, of course, if you don’t mind the phone bill, or you can call her yourself if you want. I’ll be in touch as soon as I know something. Oh, hang on, here comes Jessica; Jess!” she called. I could hear her put her hand over the receiver for a moment, then Jessica, their lead singer, came on the line.

“Robin?”

“Hi Jessica,” I answered sheepishly. “How’s Moira?”

“She needs a few stitches, and she’s to stay off her ankle for at least a month, but the doc says there’s no sign of concussion yet. We just have to make sure that doesn’t change, but since she’s staying with me anyway so it isn’t a problem.”

“That’s a relief. Hey, about Regina, isn’t her number on Moira’s cell phone?”

A long pause followed. I could just picture Jessica staring blankly at Kristen. “Wow. I can’t believe we didn’t think of that. I’m so sorry.”

I tried so hard not to giggle. “It’s okay. I’m glad you guys called and let me know what happened. If there’s anything we can do to help don’t hesitate to ask okay? I know we’re on the other side of the Atlantic and all, but we really care about her.”

“You’re sweet,” Jessica answered gently, “But I don’t know what any of us can do at this point. We’re going to have to move back tour dates or just flat cancel the concert in Alpine Springs,” she exhaled slowly.

“Ouch. Well, I guess if that’s what it takes though,” I offered, trying not to sound let down.

“It’s not that simple,” she sighed. “See, our new publicist just leaked an internet rumor about our new songs debuting at that concert. Tickets go on sale next week and since this is our first major cross-country U.S. tour, it’s kind of a big deal. If we don’t make that concert, it sets a bad precedent. We’ve never, ever missed a concert.”

“Well, keep in touch at least? Let us know what you decide so we can get front row seats at the next one at least.”

“Oh, please. Like we would let you buy tickets,” she responded almost condescendingly.

“I’m sorry?”

“Well you do know the band. You’re the only ones who know who we are off-stage.” She hesitated. “Moira DID tell you we were going to give you backstage passes right?” She paused again. “Oh dear. I think I just ruined the surprise. Erm, well, act surprised when she gives them to you. Oh, here comes the doctor. I’ve got to go. I’ll be in touch!”

I stared at my cell phone a moment, not realizing Margie had been standing in the doorway. She stepped closer, sitting on the edge of my bed and smiled as she took my hand in hers.

“I heard you talking to someone. Is everything okay?”

I shook my head. “Moira’s in the hospital,” I answered simply as I slid from my bed. As Margie helped me into my fleece bathrobe, I explained what had happened.

“Poor Regina,” she finally answered as we stepped out into the hall together.

“I know. If it was Nikki I’d just die not being able to be there for her.”

“Let’s get you some breakfast,” she offered.

“What about Mom?” I asked as I hit the bottom step.

“She’s still asleep. I think she and Ash were up late talking last night.”

“He’s not having second thoughts is he?” I asked nervously. It seemed like the month of love was turning out not to be so. Margie gave me a funny look.

“Not at all. What gave you that idea?”

“It’s a long story,” I mumbled. “See, it all started with Jen and Josh, and then Mark…”

~oOo~

Margie and I gossiped over breakfast preparations, first about the soap opera, and then about what we were giving Mom and Ash for wedding presents, though we both clammed up as soon as we heard Mom on the stairs. The alluring scent of fresh peppered bacon proved too much for her to sleep through.

After breakfast, and a quick shower, I headed over to the Joneses to collect Allison, catching her up on my early morning phone call on the way to the chapel. Aunt Jane called on the way over to let us know she and Regina would be there shortly, but Coach Greer was waiting in the parking lot for us. Her daughter Amanda, bundled up in an adorable pastel blue parka, bounded over to me as I stepped out of the car.

“Spirit!” she squealed happily. I laughed as I bent down to hug her. A quirky smile crossed Allison’s lips for just a moment as she watched us.

“Hey sis!” I replied as I kissed the top of her head. Standing, I took her hand, walking back over to Angela. She smiled as I let go of Amanda’s hand to hug her. “Hi Coach. Thank you for letting us borrow Amanda for the ceremony.”

“Oh, please, it’s the least I can do. Besides, she looks absolutely precious in her flower girl dress!” Her contagious grin quickly spread to the rest of us. After a few exchanged pleasantries, we decided to move our meeting inside, where the wind wouldn’t give us all frostbite.

I watched Amanda slowly walk down the center aisle. I couldn’t honestly remember the last time I had been in a church, let alone a cathedral this size, but Mom and Ash wanted a traditional wedding. I could tell just by her expression that Amanda felt as overwhelmed as I did.

“Hey, um, Coach?” I began, turning back to Angela while Amanda was occupied. “I’ve been thinking. Have you thought about signing Amanda up for Kenpo?”

Angela shook her head briefly. “Honestly, the thought never really crossed my mind. Do you think she’s old enough?”

“Absolutely; you’re never too young to start. It’s good to know how to defend yourself, but the lessons in discipline are something I wish I’d had when I was her age too.”

I pulled off my heavy coat, setting it aside just as the main doors opened behind us. Regina and Jane stepped through, both laden with camera bags. Regina offered a reserved smile; she looked as though she’d been crying, though her makeup did well to hide most of it.

“Hi Robin,” she offered. I stepped closer to hug her.

“I guess they called you? I’m sorry. I was going to call, but I wanted to tell you in person. She’s going to be okay though.”

“I just hate that I can’t be there with her. They gave her something for the pain, so that’s something, but this is going to wreck their tour plans.”

She paused, her cheeks turning red. “Anyway, we can talk about it later. I don’t want to ruin your mom’s wedding rehearsal.”

She turned to Jane with a forced professional smile, “Jane, if you could set that bag down by the door, I’ll start setting up my tripod.” The two disappeared off to the side to discuss technical details that went well over my head, so I started walking down the aisle.

An elderly man I hadn’t noticed previously, dressed in a plain black suit stood at the front of the hall. His soft, blue eyes remained focused on me as I stepped closer, and he smiled warmly as he offered his hand.

“You must be Linda’s daughter. Ash said you were as beautiful as your mother. I’m Reverend Payne.” My cheeks flushed as we shook hands.

“It’s nice to meet you, sir,” I offered, trying to be polite. He chuckled quietly as he shook his head.

“Please call me David. Who are we missing, besides the groom?”

“I think my best friend’s sister Kelly will be coming to play the organ for the rehearsal, and there are two more bridesmaids that should be on their way.”

“Is everything alright?” he asked gently after a moment.

“It feels kind of weird being here, to be honest. I wasn’t raised in a very traditional setting. Dad left home when I was five, and I never saw him again, so it’s just been me and Mom, and sometimes my sister Margie, plus there’s-” I had to pause to find the right words. “Well, a lot of other stuff.”

He nodded slowly. “Being a teenager is difficult enough these days.”

“You have no idea,” Allison grumbled as she stepped closer.

“Sorry we’re late,” Nicole’s voice echoed from the back, drawing my attention to the far door where she and the others were just entering. “I turned right off of Maple when I shoulda turned left.”

“It’s fine; we’re still waiting on Kelly and Ash,” Mom answered. I moved back down the aisle again, taking Nicole’s hands and pulling her into a hug.

“C’mere you. I need to talk to you and Jen a second.” I tried to keep my voice down.

Jennifer’s smile faded. “Robin, what is it?”

“It’s about Moira.”

~* Cheers! *~ “What was that about?” she asked. “Amy’s moving away so they’re going to be down a girl for-” I started, but before I could continue, she suddenly, and angrily, cut me off. “So that’s it? They’re not even going to hold a tryout; they’re just going to give it to you? There’s a big surprise.”

---

Shortly after P.E. Tuesday afternoon Maria, Brittany, Jennifer and I were rolling out the heavy gym mats for the dance/gymnastics class while Allison and Nicole sat on the bleachers off to the side catching up on homework. Chelsea and the other girls hadn’t arrived for practice yet, so it was just the six of us. As Brittany straightened out one of the mats, she paused and glanced over at me.

“Have you heard anything else about the big concert?” No one outside our little inner circle knew about Moira’s accident yet, let alone that Moira was Shadowfang, but everyone in school knew we were close to the band, and everyone in town knew about the coming concert. Jennifer shot me a nervous look. I shook my head.

“All I know is the U.S. tour’s going to be huge.”

“So it’s true?” Maria asked as she stood, stretching briefly. “They have new stuff?”

I nodded, smiling sheepishly. “I don’t know anything else though.”

Brittany rolled her eyes, responding dryly. “You’re a terrible liar, but I guess I understand - NDA right?”

“NDA?” I asked, confused. She smiled as she helped Jennifer lift the final mat into place.

“Non-disclosure agreement: my dad has to deal with that crap all the time. Can you at least hook us up with an autograph or something though?”

Jennifer giggled. “That, we can help with.”

Maria and Brittany glanced at each other, cheering in unison, “Awesome.”

We stepped off to the side as a few more girls started to trickle in. Maria and Brittany hit the showers just as Chelsea and Coach Greer entered. They immediately approached us. Chelsea had that sort of ‘I’m up to something’ grin on her face, and Jennifer and I started laughing.

“Uh-oh,” I teased.

Chelsea practically bubbled. “How would you like to try out for cheer early? Amy’s dad got a job offer in Wyoming so she has to move,” she whined. “It’s going to leave us down a senior, and we need to replace her fast. Please?” Her expression pleaded her case more than the elongated ‘e’ on her ‘please’.

“Isn’t it a little early to be thinking about cheerleading? I mean, football season doesn’t start for another,” I paused, quickly making a mental count of months, “eight months.”

Jennifer and Chelsea both snickered as Coach Greer gave me an understanding smile. “Oh, cheer isn’t just about football games. There are annual competitions for gymnastics and dance in addition to cheer camps.”

Chelsea added, “How many or how few our school enters varies from year to year. We usually just compete state-wide, but this year we got invited to compete at a national competition in May!”

“Oh my God!” Jennifer squealed, causing Nicole and Allison, as well as a couple of other girls that had just entered to look over, as she and Chelsea giggled and bounced up and down together. Stacey cautiously approached us even as she pulled her hair into a high ponytail.

“Um, what did I miss?”

Jennifer cackled a giggle as she grabbed Stacey in a hug. “We’re going to nationals!”

“Oh my God,” Stacey gasped. “When? We are so not ready!”

“It’s in May,” Coach Greer answered, glancing at me. “So?”

“I don’t know what to say. Why ask me? There are plenty of girls way more talented than me, especially for a competition like this.”

Chelsea’s smile broadened. “One, you work hard. Two, you’ve got the ‘look’ judges like to see; your smile is everything out there. Three, you know martial arts. The last one’s important because I have a crazy idea for a routine. We’re going to hold a full tryout of course, but I wanted you to at least consider being an advisor if you don’t try out.”

Stacey blinked as she shifted her gaze between us. “Wait a minute, the team’s full,” she paused to quickly look back at me, “No offense. It’s just regulations are pretty strict about team size.”

“Amy’s moving,” Jennifer pouted.

Chelsea quickly added, “Like I said, we’re still going to do an official tryout, but frankly, Robin’s the only other girl I know for a fact knows more than half of our stunts, right Jen?”

Jennifer playfully threw her arm around me. “Right! I’ve been drilling her since December to get her caught up. I won’t lie though; she’s not ready for the crazy acrobatics like back-flipping off a pyramid yet.”

Stacey snorted. “Yeah, like any one of us could do that on the first try. I guess this means regular class is canned tonight?”

Coach Greer shook her head, smiling reassuringly. “No, we’re going to proceed normally for now, but it does mean we need to have a meeting to plan practices. This Saturday is flat impossible for me and for Robin. My daughter is the flower girl for her mom’s wedding.”

“Oh, I forgot about that,” Stacey answered. A contemplative expression crossed her face for only a moment before she continued. “Let’s get everybody together first then talk about it.”

Coach Greer blew her whistle quite forcefully, getting everyone’s attention.

“Alright everyone, listen please! We’ve got a slight change of plans this afternoon. Gymnastics training will proceed as normal, but I need everyone on the cheer squad to gather over here so I can talk to you. Robin, this involves you so I want you to stay as well.”

After Coach Greer explained the situation to the gathered girls, we broke off again to begin our preliminary stretches. Katelyn Derrick, one of the girls from my basketball team, came over, looking a little uneasy.

“What was that about?” she asked.

“Amy’s moving away so they’re going to be down a girl for-” I started, but before I could continue, she suddenly, and angrily, cut me off.

“So that’s it? They’re not even going to hold a tryout; they’re just going to give it to you? There’s a big surprise.”

Chelsea and Victoria, the cheer co-captains, both approached. Victoria replied in a calm and even tone. “Of course we’re going to hold a tryout, but Chelsea approached Robin first because-”

“Because she’s perfect,” she turned to Chelsea and sneered, “Just like you. First basketball, then the school paper, and now cheer. How silly of me, thinking I stood a chance against her. I’m out.” She stormed off, leaving Victoria and me staring blankly at each other.

Chelsea sighed. “God damn it,” she growled. She started to go after Katelyn, but Victoria caught her arm.

“No, let her cool off. I’ll talk to her later, but if that’s the way she’s going to act, I don’t want her on the squad anyway,” she advised her co-captain, and then turning back to me, she offered an apologetic smile. “Are you okay?”

I gave her an uneasy nod. “I guess. I’m still wondering what just happened, to be honest.”

“Drama,” Chelsea and Victoria answered in unison. Victoria continued. “Come on. I’ll help you warm up, then after class we’ll hold the tryout. If Katelyn wants to come back and act like a normal human being, great, but if not, don’t sweat it, okay? It’s not your fault she misunderstood what happened.”

Chelsea nodded. “This was my fault. I’m sorry Robin. I didn’t mean to pull you into the middle of my fight with Katelyn.” Without any further explanation, she turned to walk away, leaving me in Victoria’s capable hands, so to speak.

~oOo~

I had worked hard to catch up under Jennifer’s tutelage, but I thought I had another few months to improve at least. So much for taking it easy this semester; still, the team needed another girl, and they unanimously picked me at the tryouts largely because Katelyn never came back, and no one else really wanted the open slot.

I was so exhausted after practice that I completely forgot to ask Chelsea why my martial arts study mattered. Obviously it involved her idea for a routine, but it put me in an awkward position with Katelyn because we had another basketball game soon.

Now that I had been chosen to replace Amy Lynn though, we would be having a meeting Wednesday at Victoria’s house. I’d ask her about it then, and hopefully get a better idea of why I just got pulled into a fight I didn’t want or need.

A strange blue minivan sat parked in front of Margie’s house when Nicole dropped Allison and me off. We exchanged a quick hug, and a promise to get on webcam before bed so we could talk more, but for now, I had to see who would be visiting us like this.

As soon as I stepped in the door, Mom called from the kitchen. “Robin, is that you?”

“Yeah, Mom! Sorry I’m late. Practice ran long.” I dropped my backpack by the stairs so I could pick it up again on the way to my room, heading for the kitchen. “You’ll never guess what happened today-” I started, but as I rounded the corner I caught sight of a woman in her mid-twenties with long, wavy carrot-top red hair, sitting at the kitchen table and slowly rocking a small baby. A taller, wiry man with short, curly brown hair sat at the next chair down. Mom had just stood to refill her coffee mug. It took me several seconds before I recognized them, though the names escaped me.

“Robin, you remember Ash’s sister and brother-in-law Sarah and Aaron, and of course little Aaron Jr.,” she practically grinned.

They both nodded, Sarah smiling proudly. Aaron stood to shake my hand as I approached. “It’s nice to finally meet you in person,” he added.

“Likewise,” I responded cheerfully, momentarily forgetting my exhaustion. “So you guys are here for the wedding?”

“We weren’t sure what would happen with the weather,” Sarah answered, “So we decided to come a few days ahead of schedule. We thought we’d see a little more of the town Ash is always going on about when he comes home to visit.”

“So what was the big news?” Mom asked.

“Oh right! Well, you know how I got talked into trying out for cheerleading at the start of the school year, and I’ve been working really hard with Jen to learn the routines.” They listened quietly as I explained the Amy situation and how tryouts had gone. When I finished, Sarah smiled broadly.

“Robin that’s great news! Congratulations!”

Aaron nodded. “Sarah was a cheerleader in college. That’s actually how we met.”

Sarah laughed. “Yeah, he threw a wild pass that hit me right in the gut. When I came around he was kneeling over me like some sort of Prince Charming.”

I giggled as I listened. “That is so sweet, and little Aaron Jr. is even cuter in person,” I offered, bending over to peek at the little bundle in Sarah’s arms. She smiled proudly up at me.

“Would you like to hold him?”

“Oh, I’d love to,” I responded warmly. I hadn’t held a baby since Nicole’s devious aunt tricked me into holding hers at Thanksgiving.

“I’ll be right back,” she began as I sat down at the kitchen table, cradling my future cousin in my arms, “I just need to get the diaper bag from the car. Have you ever changed a real diaper?” she asked the question, as though I must have changed a baby doll’s diaper a thousand times as a child. I could feel my cheeks burn despite smiling as I shook my head.

Aaron Sr. grinned. “Well, Sarah’ll fix that.”

~oOo~

I knew most of the girls on the squad through Jennifer, at least by name, and of course Victoria, the Homecoming Queen and cheer co-captain, but none of us spent much time together outside school other than gym class. When Jennifer’s mom dropped us off at Victoria’s house Wednesday evening, I couldn’t help but feel incredibly nervous.

“I can’t do this,” I exhaled. “What if I mess up? What if someone gets hurt because of me?”

Jennifer smiled reassuringly. “Robin, breathe! It’s okay. This isn’t a formal practice. Didn’t I tell you? This is team-building time.”

“Team-building time?” I echoed.

“Yep. Remember all those slumber parties we’ve had together, and how much closer we seem to be after? Think of this like that. A squad’s got to be able to trust each other. Plus we need to plan Amy’s going-away party.”

“I guess that makes sense.”

Victoria’s younger brother opened the door as we walked up the front stairs. He stared lecherously at Jennifer for just a moment before Victoria playfully swatted him away, laughing.

“Hi girls, glad you could make it. I was just on the phone with Sasha. She’s bringing pizza.”

“Score,” Jennifer mused lazily. “Is anyone else here yet?”

“Not yet. They should be here soon,” she answered as she stepped aside to let us inside. She had an absolutely beautiful home. It had nothing on Nicole’s mansion, but it was larger than Margie’s or the Jones’ for sure.

“Hey Robin, can I ask you something?” Victoria asked. “I mean, you don’t have to answer, but I wanted to get it out of the way while it’s just us here.”

I tried not to look nervous as I nodded. “Sure. What is it?”

“Just a second,” she replied. She poked her head around the corner where her brother had last been seen then turned back to us. “Just had to be sure we were alone. Are you going to be okay with our regulation uniforms? I know it’s out of the blue, but I’ve just never seen you in anything but jeans or long skirts so I thought I’d ask.”

I tried to let my held breath out slowly so it didn’t look like I was holding it. I smiled as I shook my head. “I’ve never worn anything that short, but I don’t think it’ll be a problem.”

She smiled brightly. “Just checking. I’ll be honest with you. It used to drive me crazy. The very first time I did a drop and my skirt flew up, I nearly fell flat on my butt. Luckily they caught me, but I still wanted to cry. It was SO embarrassing.”

“Oh my God yes. The first drop when you’re performing for an audience is bad enough. You really do get used to it though,” Jennifer added.

“So, anyway, have you ever jumped on a trampoline before?” Victoria asked

“it’s great practice,” Jennifer continued. “Unless you’re careless, it’s nice and gentle when you fall.”

"Jen, would you show her where it is? I’m going to get Mom to come spot for us.”

“Sure thing,” Jennifer replied as she squeezed my hand. “Victoria’s mom used to be the cheer coach at our school,” she explained, as she led me through to the back yard. “She teaches aerobics and dance at the sport center in town now, but she’s our resident experienced adult and advisor for us when we’re stunting, when Coach Greer’s not available.”

It wasn’t as cold today as it had been. With no wind, the high-forties actually felt great. The Esquires’ back yard had a large privacy fence around the lot, with a massive trampoline set up not far from the back door. A set of movable, heavy-duty steps rested at one end to facilitate getting up onto the beastly thing more easily.

“Stunting? Oh, you mean like flips and stuff?”

“Right,” she answered. “If Victoria’s getting her mom to spot, it can only mean one thing.”

“Elevator,” Victoria cheered confidently as she approached. I turned to see her accompanied by a rather attractive woman with light-olive skin and black hair. She smiled brightly as she offered me her hand.

“You must be Robin; I’ve heard so much about you from Victoria. I’m Elizabeth Esquire, but please, call me Liz.”

“It’s nice to meet you ma’am,” I responded warmly. She motioned toward the trampoline.

“Alright girls, let’s see what you’ve got. Robin, you know the basics right?”

“Kind of. I’ve never actually done this before, but Jen’s walked me through it, and I’ve seen the other girls do it a lot.”

“The important thing is not to panic,” she advised. “The first time is always the hardest, but Jen and Vicky are probably the best bases you could ask for. Even if you do fall, there’s plenty of room to bounce from the center. Go ahead and climb up, and get a feel for it first.”

Jennifer, Victoria, and Liz followed me up, and after about a minute of stretching, Victoria began to jump. With each bounce she flew higher, until she had performed an aerial double backflip. Jennifer and I both clapped for her as she came to rest again then approached us.

“Thanks. It took me forever to learn to do that.”

“I'm still working on it,” Jennifer teased.

“Okay girls, base position,” Liz instructed as she moved to stand behind me, placing her hands gently on my waist. “Robin, you said Jen’s explained this to you, so go ahead and lift in. I’ll be here to catch you if you fall. Counting from three! Three, two, one, up!”

On her cue, Jennifer and Victoria moved to position, squatting enough to allow me to plant my right, then left foot. With our combined momentum, and Liz’ hands aiding a little in my balance I lifted into position. I felt Liz brace my ankles as I locked my knees.

Victoria called up. “How do you feel?”

“Terrified,” I laughed nervously. “How do I get down?”

“Cradle drop is the gentler, I think. When I say ‘one, two, down, up’, on the ‘down up’ the bases will give you some momentum. When they do that, you’re going to let yourself fall, pushing your legs forward like when you pump on a swing. Keep your hands clasped in front of you so you don’t accidentally hit someone in the face as you drop. Ready?”

“Ready,” I called back.

“One, two, down, up!” Liz clipped. I suddenly felt Victoria and Jennifer’s hands lifting me upward and just as quickly, I thrust my feet forward. For an instant I plummeted straight down, shutting my eyes tightly. I squealed as I plummeted, even though a split second later Jennifer and Victoria had me in their arms, helping me to my feet. A chorus of cheers and applause rose behind me. I turned around to see the entire cheer squad standing a few feet away.

Victoria smiled sympathetically. “I’m so sorry. Jen said you would be nervous about your first big stunt, and we didn’t want to make it worse, so we decided this would be the best way to break the ice. You’ve got amazing balance for a first-timer though.”

“You should have seen her on a snowboard,” Jennifer giggled. “That Kenpo stuff has turned her into Catwoman.”

We all had a laugh at Jennifer’s comment, but I’d had enough of high-flying for one night. I made my way down off the trampoline, and into the waiting arms of my squad-mates. Sasha, our Junior Homecoming princess, immediately wrapped me in a hug, followed quickly by Amy Lynn, the girl I was replacing. She smiled proudly.

“I gotta admit I wasn’t sure about you,” she paused, shaking her head. “But I’ve never been happier to be proven wrong. You’ll make the Tigers proud, girl!”

“There’s a lot more to being a cheerleader than just stunting though,” Chelsea advised.

Victoria and Jennifer stepped down, joining the circle of girls as the latter added, “Yeah, it’s a lot like being a girl scout, only there’s more pressure. Whether or not you’re in uniform, people are going to see you and recognize you.”

Victoria continued, “We’re kind of like ambassadors for our school. Because we’re so ‘out there’ in the public eye, both at games and competitions, we have to be careful what we do and say.”

“That’s the other reason I put your name forward,” Chelsea finally concluded. “You have an amazing, what’s the word?”

“Empathy,” Jennifer answered, grinning.

“Yes, empathy! You care about people, and it shows. You've always given a hundred fifty percent, even when Brittany was riding your case.”

Stacey blushed. “Yeah, about that; Robin, I don’t think I ever apologized for the way I acted before. Brit’s been my best friend since pre-K. I guess it was just easy to give the new girl a hard time. Now that I’ve gotten to know you though,” she paused, shifting her gaze toward the ground. “I’m really sorry.”

I smiled a little as I pulled Stacey into a hug. “Don’t worry about it. I already forgave you both awhile ago.”

A collective “Awww!” followed from the others, cascading into a chorus of giggles. Sasha cleared her throat.

“Okay ladies, the pizza’s getting cold!”

As we started back inside, I pulled Chelsea aside. “Hey, can I talk to you a minute?”

Chelsea gave me a sympathetic smile. “This is about Katelyn isn’t it? I’m sorry I never got back to you. I was just so mad at her. I’m better now though. What did you want to know?”

“Well, why did Coach Greer ask me to stay for the cheer meeting last night?”

Chelsea bit her lip. “Like I said yesterday, that’s my fault. See, I had this great idea for a routine, and I thought Coach Greer was going to talk about it, but we just didn’t have time.”

“So what’s the routine?”

“Well it’s like Jen said, that Kenpo stuff’s given you amazing balance. You’ve got some pretty good skills right?” she asked innocently.

“Well, kind of. I can go more than five seconds without getting knocked on my butt when sparring. Why?”

“I was thinking, maybe there’s a way we can work it into a routine, like a staged mock battle. I mean, it shouldn’t be anything too over-the-top because we don’t want to distract from the spirit of the competition, but adding it as a part of the tumbling portion, maybe?”

“Oh, wait, is that why you said you wanted me to advise, even if I didn’t try out?” I asked. Chelsea gave me a sheepish nod.

“Pretty much. It wasn’t about playing favorites, Robin. It was about getting you in on the ground floor of the project.” She turned back, continuing toward the door.

“If you had said no, we would’ve still asked you to be an advisor and work with whoever would be doing it, helping us set up stunts to make it look good, you know? Katelyn never gave me a chance to explain that. She’s upset because she thinks I stole her boyfriend — LONG story.” She shook her head quickly. “But enough about that. What do you think of the routine idea?”

“It sounds like fun. You know my future step-dad is also my Sensei. We could probably get him to give whoever’s going to be fake-sparring a basic lesson.”

“Well, obviously one of them will be you. You have the natural charisma judges like in a competitor, and I think you’d be in your element doing that sort of thing. What do you think Victoria?” she asked as we stepped inside.

“About?” Victoria, carrying a massive slice of double-meatlovers’ pizza from the kitchen, shifted her attention to us just long enough to ask, before tearing into it.

“Oh, never mind. C’mon Robin, before there’s none left. We’ll work out the details later.”

~* The Calm Before *~ “I’ll give you two some privacy. See you both tomorrow!” She patted my shoulder lightly as she passed, humming the theme song of the movie we had just finished watching. Nicole rolled her eyes, dipping her thumbs into the pockets of her black jeans as she pressed her backside against the car. “What are we gonna do with her?” she joked. She looked back up at me again with a nervous smile. “I know what you’re going to ask. Please don’t. I might chicken out.” Rather than say anything, I stepped closer and wrapped her in a tight hug. She tilted her head to the side, resting her cheek against my shoulder facing me with her eyes closed. I couldn’t resist stealing a kiss, which caused her to smile even more.

---

I had hoped to try and make peace with Katelyn at the game Friday evening, but like tryouts, she never showed up. Coach Wilson was furious. We managed to pull out a victory without her, but we definitely missed her defense skills. We went into overtime, and only won by a single free-throw after the other team fouled Allison. We only had one game left now.

Since a few of Mom’s coworkers including Kelly convinced her to go out clubbing in New Haven in lieu of a bachelorette party, we decided to hang out at Nicole’s house after the game. It was a tragic sacrifice, cuddling with her by that warm, toasty fireplace under a heavy blanket while we watched a sappy romantic comedy.

The weather had turned colder again, and a light snow had started to fall by the time the sun went down, casting a faint, almost celestial glow from the security lights outside. A flash of light through the window caught my attention, but I was too comfortable to investigate. Gina poked her head around the corner, clearing her throat.

“Nikki, there’s someone here to see you.”

Nicole groaned with irritation before responding. “Can’t they come back tomorrow?”

Moira called from the hallway. “Sure, I’ll just hobble my arse back out to the limo.”

Nicole’s eyes lit up, and she practically threw the blanket over my head trying to get out from under it. “MOIRA!” she squealed excitedly as she raced across the hardwood floor. To our credit, we weren’t far behind her.

Moira, propped up on heavy crutches, limped further into the room. She had a large bandage wrapped around her forehead holding gauze in place, and her left ankle bore an intimidating cast, but she still smiled and opened her arms to catch my girlfriend.

“Ow, easy,” she chided, even though she was the one giving Nicole a squeeze. A moment later Jessica appeared in the doorway. Lucia stepped up beside her.

Jessica glanced at the awful movie still playing on the 40 inch widescreen HD TV, then back at us. “Hope we aren’t interrupting anything.”

Nicole giggled as she helped Moira to the sofa, shaking her head. “Not at all. Come in, come in! Make yourselves at home! Hey, where’s Kristen?” she suddenly looked concerned, glancing back.

Lucia scoffed. “She’s back at the hotel, sleeping off a hangover. Kris really hates flying,” she added.

Jennifer quickly moved one of the wingback chairs’ matched foot rests over to the sofa for Moira, who gave her an appreciative smile as she propped her ankle up on it. “Thanks. I had to see Regina again, and these two wouldn’t hear of me flying on my own.”

Jessica gave the bassist a serious stare. “Doc’s orders were clear. You hit your head pretty hard. We’re just worried about you; you know that.”

“Yes Mum,” Moira shot back. She flashed a playful smile a moment later though. “So what have I been missing here? Besides Robin’s mum’s wedding, I mean?”

“Actually, that’s tomorrow,” I offered. “You guys are more than welcome to come if you want.”

Moira forced a smile. “Ah, I don’t know about all that. Me and churches don’t get on well.”

“Oh come on. You were just saying on the plane this morning that you felt guilty about missing it,” Lucia teased. Moira scowled.

“I know that!” She finally sighed. “Okay, you win. I’ll go.”

“Yay!” Nicole cheered. “It’s going to be great. You don’t HAVE to go, but more bodies on the bride’s side won’t be a bad thing.”

A comfortable silence fell over the room for only a moment before Jennifer cleared her throat, staring seriously at me. “So are you going to tell her, or do I have to?”

“Tell me what?” Moira asked. Jennifer had piqued her curiosity now. Lucia slowly paced over to the fireplace, kneeling to warm her hands. I rolled my shoulders as I moved to sit beside Moira.

Before I could answer, Allison piped up, “Robin’s a cheerleader!”

Moira giggled. “Oh jeeze. You’re one of those fru-fru pompom-wavers now?” she teased as she reached over to pat my shoulder. “Kidding aside, that’s great as long as you don’t work yourself too hard.”

Jennifer and I both started laughing . “You do know Jen has been all along right? But it’s more than that though. We’re going to be competing in a national competition in May.” I paused, glancing at her foot. “How are you feeling?”

She smiled sheepishly. “Stupid. Kris still blames herself for my accident when it really was my fault. I shouldn’t have yelled at her.” She exhaled slowly, cursing under her breath. “I really screwed up.”

Lucia stifled a laugh as she stood. “Funny, she said the same thing at the hospital. Hey,” she called, motioning quickly. “Jess, c’mere!”

Jessica, curious, stepped closer, poking her head over the drummer’s shoulder. “Look,” she pointed at a photo resting on the mantle. “You thinking what I’m thinking?”

Jessica, picking up the framed picture, slowly turned back to approach us. She looked from the picture to Nicole and back again, a slow grin forming on her face. Moira stared at her. “What’re you two on about now?” she asked.

Jessica turned the picture frame around for us to see. It was a framed photo Trina took of me as Aria Blade, standing with Nicole as Raven Wing in her new armor, and Moira as Shadowfang, during a short break in their set at Nicole’s Halloween party, just before we had to leave for the hospital.

Moira’s eyes slowly widened. “Wait, I played Raven Wing at that party. I even had you fooled Robin,” she added with a grin. “Oh this is perfect!”

She quickly turned to Nicole. “How would you like to be a rock star?”

Nicole blinked several times. “Um, what?”

“You know all our old songs, and you’re a clever girl. You probably already figured out the new ones just from our jam sessions.”

Nicole’s cheeks turned a shade red. She offered a wry smile as she nodded. “Mostly, except for that one wicked battle duet, but I almost got that part down.”

“I can work with you on it now that I’m back. But Nikki, we’re about the same height. Onstage, in heels, nobody’s going to know the difference. With the amount of stage makeup we wear, you’d make the perfect Shadowfang.”

“But you’re talking about a concert — a real, live, concert in front of a LOT of people,” she answered uneasily. “Plus you’re supposed to debut your new song.”

Lucia stepped forward now. “We came here tonight to tell you that we were going to cancel the concert and find a way to make it up to you guys later. With Moira’s bum leg, she won’t be healed up enough in time to learn the choreography.”

Jessica picked up, pleading, “Heedless Despair has never missed a show. Not even when Kristen had the flu.”

Moira slid an arm around Nicole’s shoulders. “I know this is all really sudden, and I don’t want to push you into something you genuinely don’t want to do, but it would really mean a lot to me.”

Nicole cracked a smile as she leaned over to rest her head against Moira. “You really are like a big sister, and I’m glad I can help, but that doesn’t mean I’m not completely terrified of the idea.”

“Think of it as job experience,” Jessica offered reassuringly. “You’ve got some great talent. You really impressed us all when you and Moira were doing that battle of the bassists thing at your sweet sixteen.”

Lucia practically begged now, “It’s just one concert. No one ever has to know it wasn’t the real Shadowfang up there.”

Nicole started to giggle. “Actually it’d probably be better if nobody ever knows that. It’d ruin the mythos if anyone found out the mighty Shadowfang was defeated by an ice patch.” She grinned at Moira, who laughed, shaking her head. Lucia rolled her eyes and started laughing.

“Oy! No bloody wonder those two get on so well.”

Jessica laughed as she turned to return the picture frame to the mantle. “We should probably get back to our hotel and check on Kris. They don’t call it sex, drugs, and rock and roll for nothing.”

Lucia nodded somberly as she stepped closer, offering Moira a hand. The bassist grabbed Lucia’s hand, pulling herself up even as I gently slid the footrest away, and Nicole handed her the crutches.

Moira balanced herself, speaking defiantly. “I’m not about to let Kris fall into that trap. I’ve been off drink since December, and I’m going to help her with her addiction whether she likes it or not.” She hobbled closer, stopping in front of me.

“You girls take care, and Robin, give yer Mum our best. She’s lucky to have you.” She smiled, leaning over to wrap me in a brief hug before she turned to limp out with her bandmates following close behind.

“So, what just happened?” Allison asked, staring at Nicole. Nicole cackled. “I think I just became Shadowfang, at least until after their first concert. They’re right though. NOBODY can know about this.”

Jennifer smiled. “My lips are sealed.”

“Mine too,” Allison offered. They turned to look at me.

“What? I’m not going to tell anyone. But does this mean I’m dating Shadowfang now?”

“I think I’m jealous of myself,” Nicole teased as she pulled me into a brief, soft kiss.

~oOo~

Nicole had us all home by nine that evening, and with Allison and me as the last to drop off, we had a few seconds to really talk. Allison and Nicole hugged then she turned to wink at me.

“I’ll give you two some privacy. See you both tomorrow!” She patted my shoulder lightly as she passed, humming the theme song of the movie we had just finished watching. Nicole rolled her eyes, dipping her thumbs into the pockets of her black jeans as she pressed her backside against the car.

“What are we gonna do with her?” she joked. She looked back up at me again with a nervous smile. “I know what you’re going to ask. Please don’t. I might chicken out.”

Rather than say anything, I stepped closer and wrapped her in a tight hug. She tilted her head to the side, resting her cheek against my shoulder facing me with her eyes closed. I couldn’t resist stealing a kiss, which caused her to smile even more.

She finally murmured, “Is this what it’s like, every time you get suckered into doing something crazy?”

I tried not to laugh. “Pretty much. See also, Girl Scouts, basketball, cheerleading, writing for the school newspaper, Homecoming, and very nearly joining the drama club. Kenpo was my choice at least.”

“You know you could’ve said no,” she offered, unmoving except to wiggle her fingers up underneath my heavy coat resting her hands at the base of my back.

“I could have, but I wanted the experience. I just wanted to experience too much. I’d never been a girl before this year, remember?”

She slowly raised her head to stare at me, as though what I’d just said were the most alien concept imaginable. “No, I don’t remember. Robin you’ve always been a girl. You just didn’t realize it.” She smiled, leaning in for another quick, almost chaste kiss. “But I guess you’re right. I mean, how often does a girl get a chance to pretend to be her idol for real?”

“And look on the bright side. You don’t even have to sign a contract with Disney.”

“Oh gawd,” she balked, laughing. “I’d better call Dad’s lawyer this weekend though. There’s going to be a ton of paperwork to deal with to make this all work. Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow. G’night, cutie.”

I smiled and kissed the tip of her nose. “Sweet dreams, vampire. Enjoy your goth-hood while it lasts, for tomorrow, there will be photographic evidence that you were a bridesmaid.”

“And I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she responded with a whimsical tone. With one last goodnight kiss, she untangled her hands from my coat and stepped around to get in her car. She waited for me to get inside before pulling away to head home.

~* Love Is... *~ “Ah, speaking of musicians,” Jane spoke up hesitantly. Moira, there’s something I need to tell you.” Moira turned to face Jane, who had a positively guilty look on her face. “Moira, I’m so sorry. When you said there was no way you’d be able to make it to the wedding, I started to plan a surprise for both Linda, and for you.” Moira’s expression shifted from confusion to concern. “Jane, what’s going on?” She exhaled slowly. “This was supposed to happen in private. I’m so, so sorry.” Before she could continue though, an older female voice, with a distinct, strong Irish brogue called out hesitantly from the lobby door. “Moira?”

---

I awoke barely past seven, yet already running late. I had trouble getting to sleep the night before for all the excitement. Margie poked her head in my room just as I gathered the clothes I’d wear prior to changing at the chapel. We agreed a few nights back that since we'd be in formalwear all day anyway we may as well go casual prior to the ceremony.

“Oh, good, you’re up. Mom just called to let us know there was a problem with the caterers. One of their trucks broke down so the reception’s going to be moved up about twenty minutes.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem though, should it?”

She shook her head. “Not as long as the entertainment doesn’t mind doing an extra session. She’s handling it. How are you handling all this?”

I managed a weak chuckle as I approached her. “I’m okay. I’m just glad it’s you that has the stress of Maid of Honor and not me.”

Margie giggled. “It’s a fantastic honor, but Mom’s actually made my job pretty easy. All I have to do is get your mom there on time and make sure you girls are ready. Go ahead and get your shower. Linda’s next door having coffee with Carol and Joe, so you still have some time.” I wrapped Margie in a one-armed hug, balancing my clothes in my other hand. After leaning up to kiss her cheek, I dashed into the bathroom.

I found Margie downstairs, standing by the range next to a large cooking pot, and Allison in the rattiest pair of sweats she owned, her backside propped against the kitchen counter with a spoon in her mouth.

“Wow, Margie this is great! Robin you have to try the oatmeal!”

Margie stifled a giggle. “Actually, it’s Robin’s own recipe. I just followed it. Thanks though. I’m glad I got it right,” she offered, scooping up a ladleful and gently pouring it into a fresh bowl to offer to me. I happily accepted the dish, taking a spot next to Allison.

“Thanks Margie. You’re the best,” I answered. Allison tilted her head as though she wanted to ask me something. She had always been forward and direct about what was on her mind so the meekness kind of worried me.

“So is Nikki okay? About the concert I mean?” she asked hesitantly.

I smiled as I nodded. “I talked to her last night about it. She’s still scared, but I think she really wants to do it. She asked me something that kind of surprised me though,” I mused as I set my oatmeal aside. “C’mon upstairs with me? I need to get my makeup and stuff.”

I waited until we were in my room before I continued. “She asked if this is what it’s like when I get talked into doing crazy stuff, like Girl Scouts and basketball.”

Allison laughed. “I guess the shoe’s on the other foot now, huh? What did you tell her?”

“I told her that I wanted to do all that stuff, or I never would’ve done it. I reminded her that I hadn’t always been a girl, and,” I paused. Allison started to scowl, but I cut her off. “She told me that I had always been a girl. I just hadn’t realized it until I met you.”

Allison swatted my shoulder playfully. “You’re darn right!”

I smiled as I grabbed my garment bagged gown, tossing my makeup kit into my now empty purple backpack next to my heels and hoisting it over my shoulder. “She said she feels the same way, despite her fear, that it’s something she genuinely wants to do just to have the experience.”

“I’m glad you were there for her. As much as I love her, I know there are some things she’s just not ready to let me, or anyone else, in about.”

“You’re still her BFF though,” I offered. Allison grinned at that.

“Yeah, I know. I just meant that what you share is different, y’know? It’s not a bad thing. I’m kind of jealous, but not because I want that with Nikki. I just want to have that kind of relationship with someone someday.”

“You will, Ally. I promise. You’ll find Mr. Right — or for that matter, Ms. Right.”

She stuck her tongue out then giggled. “Yeah, um, no. I love that you found each other, and I totally respect and love you both like sisters, but the thought of kissing a girl just feels wrong for me. I can’t help it. I like boys.”

“It’s okay. You can’t help who you’re attracted to any more than I or Nikki can. I don’t even know if I like all girls in general, to be honest. I just know that I love Nikki in a way that I’ve never felt about anybody.”

“Robin?” Mom called from downstairs. Allison and I giggled.

“Sorry,” I offered, then called back, “Coming!”

~oOo~

When we arrived at the church, Jane’s car and another handful, probably staff, were already there. I hadn’t seen the inside since the decorators had visited Thursday, and when I stepped inside, the main hall took my breath away.

A red carpet with ornate gold trim had been rolled down the length of the main aisle, and at the front, near the altar, a latticed archway dotted with different types of red and white flowers awaited the happy couple.

“Oh, Jane,” I heard Mom gasp as she entered behind me. Seconds later, a camera flash from the right caught my attention, followed by a lilted, quiet giggle from Regina.

“Sorry, but I needed to be sure I got the settings right. This is a new L series lens, just for this occasion. My boss rocks.”

I had no idea what an ‘L series lens’ was, but it looked expensive, so as I smiled and approached her, I wrapped her in a more-than-careful hug. “It’s okay. How are you this morning?”

“Nervous,” she answered. “I’ve done weddings before, but nothing this fancy. I can’t believe Jane wanted me instead of someone more experienced. Where are the other bridesmaids?”

“They should be here soon.”

I turned around to ask what time we needed to start getting ready, only to find Margie and Jane had already absconded with Mom. Allison still stood in the doorway though, admiring the décor. She approached as I turned back to Regina. The photographer wiggled her fingers lightly at Allison

“Let me know when you’re all dressed. I need to take group and single photos of you all as well as the bride and maid of honor before the ceremony. It’s tradition, I think.” she added as Allison and I turned to leave to find out where we were supposed to change.

Just as we left the main hall behind, we very nearly literally bumped into Reverend Payne. The older man smiled almost jovially at us. “Good morning girls.”

“Good morning,” Allison and I responded in unison, causing him to chuckle warmly.

“You two are like twins, you know? My twin nephews do that simultaneous-response thing too. Drives their mother insane. Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Actually we were just about to go find Linda,” Allison answered. “We’re not really sure where we’re supposed to go to change.”

“Oh, yes of course.” He stepped back and slightly to the side, pointing to an offshoot hallway. “Just follow that hall down two doors. The next door on your right is where the bride and her wedding procession gather. It’s connected by a bathroom to the next farthest room, so you’re welcome to use either one, or both.”

“Thanks!” we again answered in unison. We turned to look at each other for only a moment before we started giggling and hurried down the hall. We knocked at the first of the two aforementioned doors. Jane pulled it open just a crack, but on seeing us, opened it wider.

“Come in girls. We were wondering where you went.”

Jane quickly ushered us inside. Mom sat patiently at a small, round table. Makeup and hair paraphernalia lay neatly organized in front of her as well as a plethora of different small fake flowers, presumably for hair accents. She also had a steaming cup of what appeared to be herbal tea in one hand. She smiled as she raised her mug.

“Try the tea. It’s wonderful for the nerves,” she offered. Jane gave a sage nod as she smiled.

“It’s an old trick, that, but it works well. I’ve been around enough blushing brides to know that calming the nerves early makes everything go more smoothly later. I brought a large thermos though, so feel free to help yourselves if you need it.”

“I think I’ll try some,” Allison replied.

“You’re nervous too?” I asked, as I followed her over to the small counter.

“God yes. I’ve never done anything like this before.”

“That makes me feel better. I guess I’ve at least had Homecoming.”

Once Margie stepped out of the bathroom, Jane instructed us to go ahead and change while she and Margie helped Mom into her gown. At school I automatically went to the Coaches’ private bathrooms to change, but to be honest, I never really thought about the ‘why’ anymore. Even now I was more concerned with wiggling my way into my gown to give a second thought to anyone else present.

They didn’t seem to notice either. Poor Allison was having difficulty with her gown not wanting to hang against her body quite right. I finally stepped over and gave it a gentle tug, causing it to drop into place. She gave an exasperated sigh and smiled.

“Thanks. I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that donut yesterday.”

Jane chuckled quietly as she glanced at us. “Nonsense. The midriff is very clingy so it takes a little adjusting. It looks fantastic on you both though.”

Not long after, Jennifer and Nicole arrived, and after we helped them into their gowns, we sat down to start on each others’ makeup. Jane and Margie had Mom’s hair and makeup well in-hand, so we focused on making each other look as natural as possible, though Jane was kind enough to offer us a few pointers on how to apply makeup for a formal ceremony like this.

By now, our precious flower girl Amanda had joined us. Just as Jane was placing floral accents in our hair, someone knocked at the door. Margie cracked the door open, pulling it further a moment later to let Regina inside. This meant it was time to put on our heels. Ugh.

Allison pulled Nicole to her feet. She shot her a playful smile as we waited for Regina’s instructions as to where we were supposed to stand. “Any last words before the last vestiges of goth are forever shattered?”

Nicole giggled, leaning over to kiss Allison’s cheek. “Say cheese?” She grinned proudly. “This is the only time I’ll ever be smiling about wearing lavender in public though so don’t get too used to it,” she teased.

“Smile!” Regina commanded, but cheerfully, as we stood with Margie for the first of several photos. After we had taken the last one with Mom in front of her wedding procession, I stepped over, grabbing Jane gently by the arm and pulling her back to us.

“We can’t let you get away without being recognized too,” I insisted. Jane started to blush, but she smiled proudly as she stood next to Mom for the final photo.

“Alright, that’s everything I needed,” Regina said, stepping closer. “Linda, I just want to say you look absolutely beautiful. I’m so happy for you.” She smiled warmly before turning to leave.

Amanda nodded. “She’s right. You look like a Princess!”

Mom stifled a giggle as Jane glanced at the small gold watch on her wrist, and then at the large white clock on the wall. Mom knelt to hug Amanda. “Thank you sweetheart. I’m so happy you agreed to be our flower girl.”

“Alright, show time,” Jane reluctantly interrupted the touching scene. She smiled apologetically before continuing. “Everyone know their positions?”

Jennifer spoke up first. “I go in first as the farthest from the bride, then Ally, Nikki and Robin, followed by Margie, and then Amanda?”

“Correct. After that I’ll escort Linda down the aisle and take my seat.”

Mom turned to Jane, wrapping her in a hug. “Thank you so much for escorting me, Jane. If Dad were alive I know he wouldn’t miss this for anything.”

“You’ve been good to Margie all these years Linda. I’m only sorry I didn’t get in touch with you sooner. I’ve missed watching your little girl grow up.” They both turned to look at me, Jane smiling proudly. “She’s become such a beautiful young woman. I hope to work on her wedding dress some day.” She cleared her throat. “Dresses, if the case presents itself.” She winked at Nicole. Margie giggled, motioning for the door.

“Okay, let’s not keep Ash waiting.”

I actually didn’t know until we arrived outside the main hall, how many of the guests for the bride’s side would be there. I invited a few friends from school, and Mom invited her coworkers of course, and the other girls’ parents would naturally be there, but a lot of Ash’s family had come too, including his parents, aunts and uncles and their children, and friends from in and out of town.

As the doors opened, I immediately spotted Moira, Kristen, Jessica, and Lucia. I had to bite my tongue to keep from giggling as I realized the ushers had seated them with my friends from Girl Scout camp, Natalie and Rachel, and their parents.

I waited patiently, counting the pews to the time of the wedding march. Rather than something like Wagner's Bridal Chorus, Jane had selected Canon D for the string quartet to play. My mind raced as I waited. Nicole started down the aisle, which left only me, Margie, and Amanda. I counted out six pews as Jane had instructed, then on the next beat of the music I stepped forward.

I could feel everyone’s eyes on me as I slowly walked down the aisle. I tried to smile, focusing on the altar. Ash looked so handsome, but he had shaven off his beard so I barely recognized him. His brother-in-law, my future uncle, stood by his side as his best man.

Finally I reached the front, turning to take my place by Nicole’s side. My heart absolutely swelled with pride as Amanda started next, dropping rose and lilac petals on the red carpet from a little white basket. When she reached the front, she turned around and gave a little curtsey. I covered my mouth with a gloved hand to hide my giggle. She was just so precious.

As she took her seat, Margie approached and took her place. Finally, it was Mom and Jane’s time. It took all I had in me not to start crying right there as they started down the aisle. Mom looked like an angel, her veil adding to the effect. Jane smiled and kissed her cheek as she let go of Mom’s arm to hand her off to Ash, and as they stood together under the archway, the Reverend stepped forward.

“My friends, we are gathered here in the sight of Almighty God to join these two in holy matrimony. If there is anyone here who knows why these two should not be wed, then let them speak now or forever hold their peace.”

Of course, no one dared speak up and risk the wrath of Aunt Jane, even if they could find some unfathomable reason why these two didn’t deserve to be together. He smiled, continuing.

“Marriage is a sacred bond. It is a bond of trust, of love, of friendship, and joy. It is a promise to spend the rest of your natural lives together, but it is also a gift to one another.”

He paused and smiled, nodding to Aaron and Margie. “The rings, please.”

Aaron produced a jewelry box which he opened, passing one ring to the Reverend. Margie had the ring Mom would give Ash hidden behind her flowers, handing it off as well. “Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife, to have and hold, to love, protect, and honor, so long as you both shall live?”

“I do,” Ash answered without hesitation.

“And do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and hold, to love, protect, and honor, so long as you both shall live?”

“I do,” Mom answered with a proud, broad smile.

Reverend Payne carefully handed them the rings. “The couple have prepared their own vows which they will now recite. Please proceed.”

Ash smiled as he took Mom’s hand. “From the moment we met, I knew I wanted to know you better. I wanted to know the woman who raised such a strong, caring daughter. I wanted to be there for you, as you’ve been there for her. I love you Linda, as I’ve never loved anyone else.”

He gently slid the ring on her finger then bowed to kiss the back of her hand. She sniffed as she smiled, absently dabbing at her eye with her free hand.

“I’ve never met anyone like you. When I married the first time, I did it for all the wrong reasons, and I vowed that I would never do it again. My baby’s happiness is everything to me, but she helped me to realize that you care as much as I do. I love you, and we are both very proud to have you join our family.” She slid the ring onto his finger, continuing to hold his hand as they turned back to Reverend Payne.

He smiled, extending his hands outward. “Blessed be this marriage, in the sight of Almighty God. By the power vested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride.”

A chorus of cheers and applause went up as Ash took Mom in his arms. They stared into each other’s eyes for a brief moment, before he leaned forward to softly kiss her. I couldn’t hold it in anymore and started crying. Nicole turned to hug me, before we all moved to follow Mom and Ash out the door. We needed to be at the hotel for the reception before the guests started to arrive.

Luckily, two white limos awaited us. While Mom and Ash climbed into the first, bearing a large ‘JUST MARRIED!’ sign on the back, the girls and I, with Jane and Margie climbed into the second. I wanted to stay and mingle for just a little bit, but a bridesmaid’s duty is to her bride, after all, especially if she’s your mother!

~oOo~

We arrived at the hotel a short time later, and, to my great surprise, it was the same one where we held Nicole’s birthday party a few months earlier. The receptionist quickly motioned us over as we stepped inside. I recognized her from that day, as well. She rather liked my handling of the press that day.

“You must be the Rogers party? The ballroom is ready if you wish to go ahead. I believe the entertainment’s set up crew are just finishing up if you’d like to go on inside. The caterers are behind-schedule, but everything else is in order.”

Jane shot Mom and Ash a smile. “You two go on ahead. I’ll be there shortly. I need to wait to have a word with the musicians.”

“Of course, Jane,” Ash replied. “Thank you again for everything.”

Mom and Ash turned to walk down the near hall just as Kristen entered. She stopped at the door, holding it open for Moira to hobble inside, followed quickly by their other two bandmates. The four of them approached us, and after a round of supportive hugs, Moira spoke up.

“Hope we’re not too early. Last time we stayed in this hotel Rita took us out on the town and showed us the back roads in case we needed to get out in a hurry.” She smiled cheerfully.

“Not at all!” I replied as cheerfully. “We’re just about to head over to the ballroom to kind of hang out and unwind for a few seconds before the musicians get here.”

“Ah, speaking of musicians,” Jane spoke up hesitantly. Moira, there’s something I need to tell you.” Moira turned to face Jane, who had a positively guilty look on her face.

“Moira, I’m so sorry. When you said there was no way you’d be able to make it to the wedding, I started to plan a surprise for both Linda, and for you.”

Moira’s expression shifted from confusion to concern. “Jane, what’s going on?”

She exhaled slowly. “This was supposed to happen in private. I’m so, so sorry.” Before she could continue though, an older female voice, with a distinct, strong Irish brogue called out hesitantly from the lobby door.

“Moira?”

We all turned to see a taller woman in her early forties, dressed in a long, formal silver gown. She had a violin case in one hand that she nearly dropped when she saw Moira’s cast. “Oh Saints above, what’ve y’done to yourself?” she asked as she rushed over. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she wrapped her arms around Moira’s neck. The bassist, for her part, stared in stunned silence.

“M-mother?!”

“My poor baby,” she cooed. “What happened to you?”

Moira stammered. “W-what are you doing here?”

Jessica flinched, motioning quickly to Lucia and Kristen to follow her lead. The three of them disappeared, leaving us with Aunt Jane.

“Jane hired us to play the Rogers’ wedding,” she answered honestly. Moira scowled at Jane, but the woman quickly leapt to her defense. “I only said yes because I thought I’d get to speak with you in private one last time.”

Jane quickly nodded. “Moira, I swear, I had no idea you would be coming to the wedding or I would never have set this up.”

I hesitantly stepped forward. “This is partly my fault too. I’m the one who talked Moira into coming last night.” I reached out to put my hand on Moira’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

Moira slowly turned to face me, and after a moment or two, she shook her head. She reached out to wrap her arm around me, pulling me closer. “No, this isn’t your fault.”

She turned to the woman now. “You and I have some unfinished business, but this is neither the time nor the place. I haven’t forgiven you for defending that drunken bastard.”

She sighed. “That drunken bastard is still your father, but that was my sin. I can’t hate him though.”

“Why in high hell not?!” she practically shouted. A few guests turned to stare. She sighed, speaking in a quiet tone. “Forget it. We’ll talk later.”

She turned about-face, no easy feat on those bulky crutches, and limped off to catch up with her bandmates. The woman stared in silence as she left, slowly shaking her head.

“She’s right, y’know. Her father was an awful man, and I was too blind to see the truth ‘till it was too late.”

Nicole stepped forward, taking the woman’s free hand and giving it a light squeeze. “I know you don’t know me, but Moira’s been like a big sister to me. She and I are a lot alike, only it was both of my parents that I,” her breath caught in her throat, “That I had problems with. I'll talk to her.”

“Jane wouldn’t have tried to do this if she didn’t believe you,” I added. “Moira’s a good person. She’s just raw inside.”

“Kind of like Nikki when we first met,” Allison chimed in. “If anyone can reach Moira, it’s her.”

“Thank you, girls. I’m sorry if I’ve ruined your big day, for what it’s worth.”

I smiled as I shook my head. “You haven’t ruined anything. Mom’s happier than I’ve ever seen her. That’s the important part.”

~oOo~

The wedding reception, despite the hiccup I had inadvertently caused at the start, went without a hitch. After the banquet and toasts to the happy couple, and after the quartet played for the bride and groom’s first dance, the DJ took over, and the real dancing began. Nicole and I had danced together before, but something about today just made it feel so much more special.

We held hands as we left the dance floor, and out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of Moira and her mother chatting quietly by the stage. Nicole, realizing where I was looking, giggled as she nuzzled into my shoulder.

“You’ve done it again.”

“I did?”

“Yeah. If you hadn’t asked Moira to come, I might not have been there to calm her down. They could have gone another ten years or more without speaking.”

“I’m innocent this time, and it very nearly blew up in Jane’s face.” I paused for a moment and smiled at her. It had only just sunk in what she had said. “You really do believe she’s innocent don’t you?”

Nicole’s smile broadened. “Yeah, I do. A year ago, hell six months ago, I would’ve yelled at her mom myself. I guess I’m just learning to trust that not everyone’s guilty until proven innocent. What you said about Jane helped though.”

As the reception party began to wind down, the DJ cut off the music, picking up a microphone. “Alright, ladies and gentlemen, now is the moment you’ve been waiting for. It’s time for the bride to throw the bouquet! Eligible bachelorettes gather over by the stage and get ready to catch it!”

Ash had a grin that could melt the iciest heart as he helped Mom up onto the stage. Meanwhile Margie rushed over, grabbing our hands and pulling us along into the gathering of women and girls. Mom stepped to the edge of the stage, spun around, and with a mighty toss, flung her flowers over her shoulder.

They bounced right off Kelly’s face and landed in her waiting arms to a chorus of cheers and giggles.

“Congratulations to the cute blonde!” the DJ teased, adding. “What’s your name?”

“Kelly!” she answered.

“Well Kelly, you know the tradition! Whoever catches it is the next bride to be! Incidentally if you’re looking for a date next Friday,” he grinned, then waved his hand. “I’m kidding! My wife would kill me.”

A chorus of laughter followed as he passed the microphone off to Ash, who stepped up beside Mom, wrapping an arm around her waist.

“I just wanted to thank everyone for sharing our special day today. To the musicians, the caterers and DJ for making this all possible, and of course, our dear friend Jane for organizing it all.”

He paused and smiled down at me. “I also want to thank a very special young lady for bringing Linda and me together. Robin, without you we would have never met. You were already my favorite student, and I could think of no one I would rather have for a step-daughter.”

A few ‘Aww’s followed, and another round of cheers and applause. My cheeks were fiery hot for several seconds after, but they also ached from smiling. I stood with Mom and Ash as the quartet played Canon D for the guests as they filed out, until the only ones left were the girls, Margie and Kelly, Jane, the musicians, and of course, Heedless Despair.

Margie giggled as Kelly stared at the bouquet. “Don’t get any ideas, babe,” she chided Margie playfully. “I’m just getting used to going out with my best friend still.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’m happy with things the way they are for now too.” Margie turned her attention to me. “So what are you going to do now, kiddo? Do you still want to stay with me for awhile?”

I nodded quickly. “Yeah, if that’s okay?”

“Of course it is sweetie,” she offered gently. I had to smile, turning to Mom and my new step-dad.

“Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I don’t want to come live with you guys. I just want to give you some time to settle in, plus I love living next door to my best friend. I’ll still come stay with you sometimes too.”

Ash smiled warmly. “I’ve been renovating one of my extra bedrooms just for you. I’ll let you decide how you want to decorate it though.”

“As long as the carpet isn’t pink,” I teased, causing Margie to lose it and start giggling.

“You’re never going to let me live that down are you sis?”

“Not on your life,” I chided.

Mom and Ash shared a glance as they held hands. Ash spoke first. “So, shall we start our honeymoon?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” she answered, leaping into his arms. He easily hoisted her up, her legs dangling over his arm as she smiled and kissed him. She looked back at me. “Robin, sweetheart, are you going to be okay for a few days?”

“Absolutely. I’ve got Margie and Kelly, and Carol’s right next door. You guys go enjoy yourselves. I’ll see you when you get back,” I insisted. Mom smiled warmly. The last I saw of either of them, she was pulling her wedding veil from her hair and letting it float to the floor behind them as he carried her over the threshold and out of the room.

Moira limped over to us a moment later. She had an incredible smile practically etched on her lips. “I’m going to spend some time catching up with Mum. It’s been three years, and she’s got a lot of explaining to do. Nikki, I’ll get someone to drive me to your house tomorrow so we can start working on that duet.”

Kristen stepped closer. “And I want to get started on the choreography as soon as possible, while I’m still sober enough to think about it. When’s a good time for you to practice?”

“Um, well Robin and Jen do tumbling on Tuesdays, and they’re probably gonna be pretty busy with cheer practice at least one other night a week after that. As long as I can keep up with my homework I guess anytime after four’s okay? I've got something else I'm working on, but it's almost ready, so,” she trailed off.

“Sounds good. The more we can practice the better, but I was thinking, maybe three nights a week, an hour a night. You know the kind of theatrics we’re into so you already know what to expect.”

Lucia added, “There’s reason I leave the crazy stuff to these three. In the immortal words of every drummer ever, ‘I just hit stuff with sticks’.” She flashed a grin, waving. “I’ll be outside when you’re ready Jess. Thanks again for inviting us Robin!” she added as she turned to step out.

“See you soon,” Kristen added, following Lucia. Jessica and Moira exchanged a glance.

“Go be with your mum. God knows you earned your stripes,” Jessica advised. She caught Moira off-guard when she leaned forward to hug her. Moira blinked a few times, but smiled.

“Thanks Jess. I’ll see you back at the hotel.”

~* Heart's Desire *~ “Oh, Nicole,” the secretary called, grabbing a pair of flower bouquets, including the roses and balloon I had arranged for her. Nicole smiled warmly as she accepted them. “Aww, Robin you didn’t have to do this.” Now it was her turn to cry as she wrapped me in a hug. I kissed her cheek, whispering in her ear. “I wanted to.” “This is the first time anybody’s ever given me flowers for V-day. Even my parents wouldn’t have before because I threatened to have a rose petal bonfire if they’d tried,” she giggled.

---

“Nikki what’s this about?” I asked as I poked at my blindfold.

“No peeking!” she insisted. We had been driving for the better part of thirty minutes, and for the lack of turns within the last ten or so I could only guess that we had at least left the Alpine Springs city limits behind. “You guys have a game tomorrow night, but I still promised you a surprise, so you’re getting it early.”

“Oh fine,” I pouted dramatically, but once Nicole started giggling I just couldn’t hold it any longer, and started to laugh too.

“You’re cute when you’re pretending to be offended. Anyway, we’re here, but don’t take off the blindfold yet.”

I felt her kiss my cheek, and on hearing her unbuckle her seatbelt, I did the same, fumbling blindly for the door. I managed to avoid bumping my head as I stepped out onto what felt and sounded like packed gravel. Nicole squeezed my hand, gently leading me forward.

“Okay, NOW you can look,” she spoke with more than a hint of excitement in her tone as she untied the blindfold. I squinted as my eyes adjusted to the sunny morning light, but the almost iconic, rustic horse stable that stood before us couldn’t be missed.

Counselor Dunham, the riding instructor back at Girl Scout camp, stepped out dressed in a heavy suede jacket, white Stetson hat, blue jeans, and riding boots. She waved as she approached. I couldn’t resist catching her in a hug.

“Counselor Dunham!” I practically squealed. Her eyes lit up as she smiled.

“I wasn’t sure you’d even remember me,” she offered. “Though I imagine old Lulubelle had a hoof in that?”

Nicole and I giggled. “Yeah, I still haven’t forgotten my ride through the brush. My balance has gotten a lot better since camp though.”

“Good thing,” she answered with a wink. “Let’s get you suited up. Your helmet size probably hasn’t changed too much, but I erred on the side of caution and went slightly larger just in case.”

“Wait a minute, you mean…” I turned to Nicole as the pieces fell into place.

“I never did get to go riding with you at camp like I promised, and like I said, you’ve got a basketball game tomorrow night, so I wanted to give you your Valentine’s present a day early.”

I wrapped her in a tight hug and kissed her, completely forgetting for the moment that Counselor Dunham was watching.

“Thank you so much,” I spoke softly as she held me close.

“You’re welcome. Just because a lot of good things are happening, it doesn’t mean they aren’t stressing you out. You needed a day to just unwind.”

Counselor Dunham cleared her throat lightly. I could feel my cheeks burn as we both turned back to her. She just smiled.

“I always thought there was something going on between you two. Just don’t do that at camp, okay? GSC isn’t against alternative lifestyles, but we have to promote a comfortable environment for every girl.”

She paused a moment, then picked up again in a stage whisper. “That’s the official counselor lecture I’m obligated to give. Off the record, I have a distant cousin that ‘experimented’ when he was younger, so,” she trailed off for a moment then changed the subject entirely.

“Since Nicole is an expert rider, and you're both first-aid certified and CITs, I’m going to trust you two to ride out together without my supervision. Nicole already has my cell phone number in case something should happen.”

“Thanks Counselor Dunham,” we chimed in unison. She smiled warmly as she glanced over her shoulder back at us.

“Please, call me Cynthia. Nicole, could you grab two sets of knee pads from that shelf back there while I get your riding helmets?”

Nicole wrinkled her nose. “I’m gonna have helmet hair,” she whined, but added a moment later, “But I guess that’s better than a concussion huh?”

“Even I sometimes get thrown. Accidents happen to the best of us.”

~oOo~

Riding with Nicole was like something out of a romance novel. Cynthia let us ride a pair of her older horses, one jet black and the other a kind of stormy gray. Nicole had brought a light brunch of sandwiches with her, which we shared by a small stream along the riding trail while we let the horses rest and drink. We had another girl scout meeting that afternoon, and my first cheer practice that evening, so after the horses had their fill, we started back.

After Nicole dropped me off at home following the girl scout meeting, I immediately headed inside. Margie had apparently just gotten in herself because her purse, along with a couple of bags from her clothing store, Touch of Style, sat on the sofa in the living room.

“Margie?” I called, poking my head around the kitchen doorway.

“Yes?” she replied, glancing up from the fridge. She had a guilty look on her face.

“What did you do?” I teased. She giggled.

“Nothing?” She pulled out two cans of red cream soda, bumping the door closed with her backside as she approached to offer me one. “I’ve got a new top I want you to try on when you have time. If you like it you can keep it.”

“Oh, sure. I’d love to,” I replied as I popped the tab on my soda. “Hey, can you give me a ride back to town first though?”

“Absolutely. Where to?”

“The florist’s; I’ve been so busy I haven’t had time to order flowers for Nikki. Oh, Margie, I have the most wonderful girlfriend in the world. She took me horseback riding, and we had a picnic by a little stream while the horses rested.”

Margie giggled again as she wrapped me in a hug. “That sounds so romantic. The florists aren’t usually open on Sunday, but with Valentine’s falling on a Monday this year they’re making an exception.”

“And you know this how?” I chided.

“Hey, I’ve got a lot of roses to send. I’ve got a girlfriend too, you know, plus Linda and Mom, and,” she paused, as if she were about to say something she didn’t mean to say, “And I think that’s everyone,” she corrected herself. “We need to start teaching you to drive, y’know,” she added.

I had been about to take another drink of soda, but slowly lowered it. “I never even thought about that. Back in California we only had Mom’s car, and there was no way I was going to dip into my college fund for one since I never went anywhere, anyway, but now,”

“Now you have a social life,” she answered. “We’ll get you a learner’s permit, and I’ll start taking you out to teach you the way my mom taught me — big, empty parking lots.”

“Awesome,” I said cheerily as I disappeared around the corner, heading upstairs to get my purse. Margie appeared in the doorway a moment later with one of her shopping bags in-hand. I turned in time to see her retrieve a dark red tunic top with long, flared sleeves. A line of lace wrapped it front to back, just beneath the bust. She smiled as she laid it out on my bed.

“Oh wow. This is what you wanted me to try on?” I asked. She nodded.

“It’s a prototype design I’ve been working on, but if it catches on it could be the first in a whole line of teen fashion, assuming I can find a buyer.”

“Margie, it’s gorgeous!”

“Mom was kind enough to give me your new measurements,” she trailed off.

“You brat,” I laughed. “You just want me to be your fashion doll don’t you?”

Margie giggled. “Fashion model is the word you want, actually,” she replied. “Besides, it’s not like you haven’t already done modeling work for me before. Oh that reminds me, did I give you your royalty payment for the new posters yet?”

“Royalty? Margie we just did that for fun. You know that.”

“Well, yes, but, well,” she fumbled. I’d never seen her so nervous.

“Margie? What is it?”

“There’s something potentially very big happening with the Shadowcraft series. I haven’t decided what I’ll do yet, but I need to ensure that you girls have documented credit as the models for the characters. It could mean a lot of money, but it’s a big risk too,” she exhaled, shaking her head.

“I’m not sure I understand.”

“My contract with the current publisher is due to expire in a few months. We signed a tentative one year contract, where they set provisions to allow them to cut all ties whenever they saw fit, but the thing is, that works both ways. Because they were afraid to take a chance on an unknown artist, I own all rights, and if I don’t resign with them, there’s nothing legally they can do about it.”

“So they painted themselves into a corner?” I tried not to giggle. She nodded.

“Basically. I have a big name publisher interested in the overarching universe, but I haven’t decided if I want to sign yet. I like having creative control, and I don’t want some marketing jerk who’s never even read a comic book ruining it with-” she paused. “Sorry,” she offered sheepishly.

“It’s okay,” I replied, giving her a reassuring hug. “I just wish I could help.”

“You already did. I’ve been sitting on this news for a month. I just needed to get it off my chest, you know?” She smiled warmly as she kissed my forehead. “You wanted to go to the florist’s right?”

“Yeah. I’ve got my first cheer practice in an hour, but I need to put in an order for Nikki. How much royalty are we talking about, anyway?” I asked. She grinned.

“It’s not a lot, but it’s more than enough to cover a few dozen roses,” she teased. I giggled.

“Just one dozen, and a balloon. So, can I drive?”

She laughed. “Maybe next week.”

~oOo~

Monday, my first Valentine’s Day not only as Robin, but in a committed relationship was a unique experience. The top Margie gave me fit so well that I decided to wear it to school that day, resulting in quite a few girls asking me where I’d gotten it.

I hadn’t even made it through my second class before I found a note waiting for me to come down to the office for a delivery. Mom and Ash sent me six roses in a bouquet with a sweet little card.

The second delivery came just before AP English with Mrs. Ellis. Quite a few unclaimed bouquets, bears, and balloons sat in neat rows on the front counters and tables as a flustered secretary tried to keep track of them all. She smiled as she flagged me over.

“Robin, thank heavens. You’re quite a popular girl, you know that?”

“Excuse me?” I asked. She grinned as she plucked from the counter a dozen red roses tied with a big red and silver balloon. She then took yet another bouquet of six roses, a white stuffed bear holding a red ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’ heart, and a purple lion. The lion though, had a ribbon tied around his neck, securing a small black box. She set everything down in front of me.

“Wow. You’re sure this is all for me?” I asked. She nodded.

“I checked the names myself. If I might suggest, check that little box with the stuffed lion? The delivery guy was pretty adamant about making sure I kept it separate.”

“Ooh. I wonder who it’s from?” I asked, as I carefully untied the ribbon. The secretary leaned over the counter just a bit as I opened the box.

“Oh my Goodness,” she whispered. Inside lay a sterling silver celtic knotwork ring with a small, cut emerald set in its center. I could feel tears welling up as I slid it into place.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” Nicole whispered in my ear. I spun around and immediately threw my arms around her.

“Nikki you shouldn’t have,” I whispered. I couldn’t fight the tears any longer. She stroked my hair as she squeezed me close.

“I’ve been holding onto that ring for months. Remember that first trip to the mall with Trina back in October? We met that nice old lady that runs the silver jewelry stall? Well I went back later and bought the ring you were looking at. I was going to give it to you for your birthday, but I couldn’t resist this instead.”

“Nikki, I love it!” I exclaimed. It took all I had in me not to kiss her right there in front of the entire office, including secretaries, teachers, a delivery guy, and about a dozen other girls picking up their flowers.

“Oh, Nicole,” the secretary called, grabbing a pair of flower bouquets, including the roses and balloon I had arranged for her. Nicole smiled warmly as she accepted them.

“Aww, Robin you didn’t have to do this.” Now it was her turn to cry as she wrapped me in a hug. I kissed her cheek, whispering in her ear.

“I wanted to.”

“This is the first time anybody’s ever given me flowers for V-day. Even my parents wouldn’t have before because I threatened to have a rose petal bonfire if they’d tried,” she giggled.

We got quite a few stares as we walked down the hallway to our next class, but Mrs. Ellis’ surprised expression by far topped them all.

“My goodness girls,” she stifled a giggle. Nicole beamed.

“Most of these are Robin’s, too.”

“Is it alright if we put these in the Journalism department for safekeeping?” I asked. Before she could answer, Kathy Mason poked her head around the corner, snapping a photo of us together. She giggled, bounding back into the journalism department again.

“Certainly. That’s what the others on staff have been doing.”

By now Kathy had already disappeared into the dark room, though whether to work or to hide from us, I couldn’t say. After we set everything down, we stepped back into the classroom.

“Whoa,” Katelyn whispered under her breath when I sat down. “Um, setting aside that we’re not supposed to be speaking, where did you get that gorgeous ring?”

I tried to give her a friendly smile. I’d had an eventful weekend to forget about what happened last week, and really didn’t want to get into another argument with her if there was even a chance at patching things up.

“Nikki gave it to me for Valentine’s Day. There’s a little stall in the mall on the,” I paused, glancing at Nicole, “East side?”

Nicole nodded. “It’s two shops up from the music store. The old lady there’s really nice.”

“Cool,” Katelyn responded dryly as she turned away. I started to say something. I wanted to say something, to apologize, but what could I say? She was the one who wouldn’t listen, so I left it alone for now.

After class, before I could talk to her Katelyn rushed out of the room. I sighed as I shook my head, turning to my friends. “You guys go ahead. I need to talk to Mrs. Ellis for a second.

“Sure. We’ll wait outside,” Jennifer replied.

I didn’t know how to say it, so I just blurted it out. “Mrs. Ellis? I need to quit the school paper.”

She looked up from her desk then stood. “Is everything alright?”

“I just can’t keep up with it. Basketball season’s over after tonight, but there’s still school work, the paper, and now cheer. Something’s got to give. We’re going to be in a national competition in May, and unless I devote more time to cheer, I’m going to be more of a liability than an asset, but if I don’t give up something else in exchange my grades will suffer. My mom just got married so I had all that going on too, and I wanted to run track, but that’s right out,” I rambled.

I felt like I was on the verge of tears again. My knees felt weak, so I backed up and rested against the nearest desk. Mrs. Ellis stepped closer to give me a comforting hug.

“You’re really under a lot of pressure aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I am,” I exhaled. “Yesterday Nicole took me on the most amazing date I’ve ever had. We went horseback riding, and had a picnic then we went to our monthly girl scout meeting. After that, I had my first cheer practice.”

“You know you don’t have to do all this extra-curricular activity right?” she advised gently. I nodded.

“I know. It’s just, at my old school, I was an outcast. Nobody wanted anything to do with me because I didn’t want anything to do with them. I hated myself, and I think people sensed that.”

“Did transitioning really have that drastic a change?”

“Everything changed when I moved here, but not just because I transitioned. I transitioned because I met friends who liked me for who I am, and I learned to love myself. The only real problem is it sets me up as an easy target.”

Mrs. Ellis frowned. “Robin, did someone say something to you?” It was Mrs. Ellis who found me immediately after that nasty note at Homecoming. I quickly shook my head.

“No, it’s nothing like that. It’s just,” I hesitated, glancing toward the door with a long sigh before turning back to her. “I wanted to be a normal teenage girl, and I got it. The good and the bad. One of my teammates thinks Chelsea’s playing favorites because I was asked to try out for cheer, and it all just got way out of hand. She thinks I’m perfect and that I get everything handed to me.”

“Take it from me, nobody’s perfect,” she offered. “Even teachers can make mistakes.”

“Oh, I know. My problem is I’m a perfectionist and an over-achiever. I put my whole heart into everything I do, but I’m trying to do too much while still balancing a social life. I don’t know what to do about this. I respect her as a teammate and a person, and I don’t want to hurt her.”

“Sometimes the best thing you can do is nothing,” she offered gently. “Let her cool off, and then try and talk to her in a few days, but if she causes too much trouble just let me know, and I’ll find someone to mediate.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Ellis. I really don’t want her mad at me. She’s our best defensive, but she’s also normally a nice person. I don’t know what caused her to flip out on me. She’s never acted like this before.”

“Unfortunately, that’s just a part of being a popular girl in high school. Alliances shift more than on those awful reality TV shows,” she teased. I had to laugh.

“That’s why I’m so glad to have Nikki and the others. I don’t care about being popular. I have their friendship, and that’s all I really need, but I’m also not going to stop being nice to others either, especially the ones that need it most, like Brittany or Katelyn,” I bit my tongue. “Crap!”

“Katelyn’s the one? I never thought she could have it in her. There must be more going on here. Are you sure you haven’t heard anything else?”

“Well,” I thought about it for a moment, “Chelsea did mention Katelyn thought she stole her boyfriend. Do you think she’s just projecting that onto me?”

Mrs. Ellis gave me a funny look. “That’s a very mature conclusion to reach, but yes, that’s exactly what I’m thinking.”

I smiled sheepishly. “I had a great therapist.”

“Had?” she frowned.

“Well, have, but I had to cancel two appointments because of the wedding planning. I’ll be seeing her in a couple of weeks though. I guess I should be telling her all this. Sorry to just dump on you.”

She smiled, giving me a friendly hug. “There’s no need to apologize. I’m glad you trust me like this because, to be honest, you’re one of my favorite students. I’m glad to help you in any way I can. Don’t worry about quitting the school paper. You’ll have a spot waiting for you if you ever want it back.” She paused, giving a sly wink, “And not because you don’t deserve it. You give great advice.”

“Thanks Mrs. Ellis,” I replied warmly. “You do too. I feel a lot better about everything now. I should get to lunch though.”

“Yes you should. You’ll need your energy if you’re going to beat the Sharks tonight,” she joked.

Nicole had apparently been listening at the door. She jumped back when I pulled it open, and smiled apologetically.

“Sorry. You were in there an awfully long time. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. I just quit the school paper, but Mrs. Ellis says I can have my column back once things calm down again, if I want it.”

“Can I buy you lunch?”

“You’re so sweet,” I giggled, squeezing her hand. “I’m going to try and talk to Katelyn soon.”

Nicole frowned, but nodded. “It’s your call. Personally I’d just leave her alone, but if she tries anything, I’ll be glad to hold her down while you,” she paused as I glanced at her. “… Tickle her mercilessly?” she corrected herself.

“Uh huh. Really, it’s okay. I think she’s just projecting her anger at Chelsea onto me because she thinks Chelsea stole her boyfriend. I need to find out the whole story from her though.”

“When are you going to approach her?” she asked as we stepped into the cafeteria.

“Probably tonight, in the locker room before the game; we’ll have some privacy there, and Coach Wilson will be close by if we need a mediator.”

~oOo~

That night, after I had changed into my basketball uniform, I waited for Coach Wilson to enter the locker rooms, following behind her. The other girls were already dressed, and we still had some time before we gathered to discuss any last minute changes to the game plans.

I spotted Katelyn talking quietly with Maria on one of the benches, and approached them. Maria glanced up, quickly making herself scarce.

“Come to rub it in?” Katelyn sneered.

“Actually I came to apologize,” I offered softly. “But if you don’t want to talk that’s fine.” I turned to walk away, but she called after me, almost hesitantly.

“Wait.” I turned back to her, and she stood, stepping closer. “Maria told me I hurt you pretty badly the other day.”

“Yeah, you did,” I answered honestly. “But I’m partly to blame; Chelsea too.”

“How do you figure that?”

“I didn’t have the whole story. Chelsea was so excited about the news about the national competition that she didn’t fill me in on what, exactly, they needed me for, so when you asked me what was going on, all I could tell you was that they needed another girl, and that somehow, I was involved.”

“Somehow?” she echoed. “They picked you to replace a senior. That’s pretty big.”

“No, they picked me out of the girls who tried out. I would’ve been involved if I hadn’t tried out because I study martial arts. They wanted me to advise for a routine, whether or not I actually joined the squad. Apparently Amy moving was just a coincidence.”

Katelyn stared at me for several seconds, as though she couldn’t decide whether or not what I said was true. Chelsea cautiously approached us.

“She’s not lying. I’m sorry you got the wrong idea, but Robin’s innocent. If you need to hate someone, hate me, but leave her out of this.”

Katelyn turned to glare at Chelsea. “Says you, but how do I know you’re not just lying for her now?”

“What is your problem?” Chelsea snapped back. “I’ve tried to be nice to you, and I’ve tried to tolerate your attitude, but I’ve just about had it with-”

“Alright girls, that’s enough,” Coach Wilson demanded. “What’s the problem?”

Chelsea threw her hands up in defeat, and Katelyn just continued shooting me daggers, so I finally exhaled.

“Katelyn, can I please hear your side of the story about your boyfriend?”

Chelsea slowly turned around at that. Katelyn frowned, but nodded. “It’s pretty simple. Couple of weeks ago he dumped me, and the VERY next day I saw him with Chelsea at the movies.”

Chelsea blinked a few times. “Wait, are you talking about Scott? I didn’t even know you were dating.”

“How could you not?” she demanded. “We’d been going steady for three months!”

“I’ve been too busy to keep up with who’s dating who. I know you think everyone who’s achieved more than you is perfect, but I’ve got a newsflash for you. It’s called hard work.”

“Whatever,” she shot back as she turned to storm past me. She stopped to stare at me for just a moment, mumbling. “Sorry I yelled at you the other day.”

She turned to continue out of the locker room as Coach Wilson approached Chelsea and me. “Is this going to be a problem, girls?” she asked seriously.

Chelsea quickly shook her head. “No ma’am. We’ve played as a team for this long. I’m not going to let some stupid fight get in the way now.”

“Good. It’s not fair to the team if cohesion is broken up, and I can’t take sides. You girls need to settle your disagreement and put it behind you. Chelsea, as the team’s co-captain I expect you to set an example for the others.”

“Yes ma’am,” Chelsea mumbled. I hated seeing her being chastised like that, but Coach Wilson had a point. Chelsea did kind of jump on Katelyn, even if she did deserve it. For the moment, I tried to put it out of my mind as I stepped out of the locker room.

Maria caught up to me, pulling me aside. “Hey, is everything okay with you and Katelyn now?”

“I’m not really sure,” I offered. “She apologized for yelling at me, but that’s as far as we’ve gotten after Chels lost it.”

Maria sighed as she nodded. “I figured as much. I’ve been trying to stay out of it, but I was talking to her about you when you came over, telling her about everything you’ve been through since I’ve known you, and what you did for Jason’s ma- mother,” she corrected herself. “She’s trying. She really is. Promise me you’ll meet her halfway if she comes to talk to you okay?”

I smiled as I hugged Maria. “If she wants to talk to me, I’ll welcome her with open arms. I don’t have time for drama right now, but I’ll never, ever turn someone away if they seriously want to try and work things out.”

“Thanks, chica. I knew I could count on you,” she replied happily.

“Ladies and gentlemen, starting for the Lady Tigers,” the announcer began.

Maria grinned. “That’s our cue.”

~* Ups and Downs *~ Liz appeared in the doorway, cordless phone in hand. “Chelsea, Victoria? Coach Greer’s on the phone.” “I’ll grab the extension,” Victoria answered, rushing upstairs even as Liz handed the cordless phone to Chelsea. “I wonder what’s up?” Chelsea asked as she waited for Victoria. “Wait a minute, what do you mean not permitted? They never said anything about––” she paused, a grimace forming on her features. We waited with bated breath for the one-sided conversation to end.

---

I awoke to find Nicole standing by my bed, an almost angelic smile on her face. She bent down to kiss my cheek, and I immediately embraced her with one arm, even as I wiped the sleep from my eyes with the other.

“Morning sleeping beauty,” she teased. “I didn’t think you’d ever wake up.”

“Sorry,” I offered, trying not to yawn in her face. “I’ve always slept late on Saturdays, you know.” I groaned lightly as I sat up. My muscles ached as I reluctantly forced myself from my covers. “What time is it anyway?”

“Past nine, last I looked. C’mon birthday girl. I have a surprise for you.”

“Can I get dressed first?”

She giggled. “Nope; we’ve been waiting all morning!” She tugged at my arm insistently. I quickly grabbed my robe as I followed her into the hall.

“We? Nikki I asked you not to go overboard. I mean, going horseback riding with you last week was more than enough.”

She turned back to me with a pleading gaze that melted my heart. “It’s not just me this time, I swear. Allison, Jennifer, Rachel, Natalie and Ash chipped in, and I got Daddy to help out too.”

“Help out with what?” I asked. She entwined her arms around mine, tugging me toward the stairs.

“You’ll see!” she insisted.

“Nice jammies,” Jennifer playfully teased as we stepped into the downstairs hall. Allison snickered under her breath as the three of us exchanged a hug.

“Happy birthday,” Allison cheered warmly. “I know you said you didn’t want a big party, but there is one thing we have to get out of the way.” A bubbly giggle escaped as she nudged me toward the front door. Following the girls outside, I found sitting in the driveway not only Nicole’s Mustang, but a bright yellow soft-top convertible bearing the familiar Chevrolet ‘cross’ logo on the front.

“Oh my God.” I turned to stare at Nicole in disbelief. She smiled innocently.

“It’s not what you think. I mean, yes, it is, but it isn’t. When I found her, the only thing really salvageable was the engine and body. The brakes were shot, the interior looked like hell, and I swear somebody was using the top for target practice.”

“This must have cost a fortune to rebuild. When did you... How did you…”

Nicole giggled at the barrage of questions. “Remember I told Kristen the other day I had one other project? This’ it. And it’s not as much as you’d think. Between buying used parts that I could fix up myself, or get Daddy or Natalie’s brother to fix plus a little donation from Ash, it actually came pretty cheap.”

Tears stung my eyes as I hugged her, and then each of my friends. “I love you all so much. This is amazing. I really don’t know what to say.”

“Say you’re getting your license,” Nicole teased as she kissed my cheek. “Now sit down in it and tell us what you think! It was a bear trying to replace the seats, but a little Armor-All goes a long way.”

Just as I sat down, Kelly pulled into the Jones’ driveway next door. She stepped out, dressed in her nurse’s scrubs and a light jacket. She had a ridiculous, massive grin plastered across her face as she approached.

“Robin Jane Smith, what do you think you’re doing?” The giggle really did little to promote any authority.

“I’m innocent, I swear,” I answered, laughing as I stepped out of the car to embrace her excitedly. “I can’t believe this. I feel kind of guilty though.”

“What? Why?” Nicole asked with concern.

“Ally gave up on getting a car to help pay for Kelly’s new piano, and then she goes and chips in to help pay for mine. I feel bad.”

Allison rolled her eyes, “Aww, it really wasn’t that much! Ash helped a lot, and Nikki saved a fortune refurbishing parts. Besides, you’ve been like a sister to me, and let’s not forget you did save my life last summer. I wanted this for you as much as Nikki did,” she insisted.

I giggled as I pulled her into a hug. “You’re the best friends I’ve ever had.”

Kelly smiled warmly as she rested her hand on my shoulder. “I’ve got to get some sleep. I just came off a graveyard shift, but if you want I’ll take you out later for a driving lesson.”

“That’d be great!”

“Oh, you can get dressed now,” Nicole chided. I glanced down at my robe and silk pajamas, my cheeks burning.

“Oh right. Just give me a minute to change. What do we have planned today?”

“The sports center has an indoor rock climbing area that I meant to ask you about the other day,” Jennifer offered, “But since it totally slipped my mind, a’ole pilikia, hey?”

“A o-what?”

She giggled. “How about ‘hakuna matata’? Same thing — no worries!”

“Ah hah, that one I recognize.”

Allison laughed. “Actually that sounds fun. Today’s yours though. If you want you guys are welcome to just come hang out at my place since you’re already here, or we can go shopping or whatever. This is your day Robin.”

“I’ll think about it while I get dressed,” I offered cheerfully as I turned to head back inside. Allison wandered away to talk to Kelly while Jennifer and Nicole followed.

“Is that your cell phone?” Jennifer asked as we stepped back inside. I paused only a moment before the familiar ringtone caught my attention from the living room. I practically dove over the sofa arm, landing with a grunt in the middle as I grasped at my purse, pulling my phone out.

“Hello?”

“Hi Robin, this is Victoria. Did I catch you at a bad time?”

“Oh, hi Victoria. No, not at all. I was just outside. Nikki, my step-dad and a bunch of friends chipped in to get me a new car for my birthday,” I answered excitedly.

“Your birthday’s today? Happy birthday,” she cheered before continuing, “I just wanted to let you know that your new uniforms just arrived. The delivery guy dropped them off at my house.”

“That’s great. Can I pick them up tomorrow?”

“Sure, that’s fine. Hey, while I’ve got you on the line, what happened with Katelyn? I forgot to ask you last night. Is everything okay now?”

I rolled over onto my back and sat up as Nicole stepped into the room to sit beside me. I wrapped an arm around her and smiled.

“Yeah, everything’s okay I think. Maria’s kind of acting as a go-between,” I went on to explain to her how the whole ‘encounter’ in the locker room had gone.

“I’m glad she apologized to you at least. I’ll talk to her at school Monday. She has a lot of talent, but her temper’s going to keep her from making the squad next year if she doesn’t get it under control. Well, anyway, I’ll see you at tomorrow’s practice. Oh, happy birthday again,” she cheered warmly as she hung up.

“What’s up?” Jennifer asked as she sat opposite Nicole.

“That was Victoria. My cheer uniforms were mistakenly delivered to her house. I guess because she’s one of the co-captains?”

“Oh, yeah that happens sometimes,” Jennifer advised. “Her mom’s probably still listed on the company registry as one of the contacts for delivery after hours.”

“Makes sense. Have you guys eaten yet?” Both Nicole and Jennifer shook their heads. I smiled as I stood. “I could really go for some pancakes. Nikki, the band doesn’t need you today do they?”

“Naw, not until tomorrow. We’re going to be doing our first dress rehearsal now that the civic center’s been refitted for their special brand of stage magic. It’s supposed to be staff and band only and security’s super-tight, but you guys are more than welcome to come watch me make a fool of myself.”

~oOo~

We spent most of the morning just hanging out, shooting pool in the Jones’ game room. Around noon we went out for burgers and ice cream, and Kelly took me out for a quick driving lesson with Jennifer, Allison and Nicole riding along for moral support in the back, with the top down of course. It was a nice, quiet Saturday with friends, no school, no cheer, no basketball, and no worries.

Sunday afternoon we decided to take Nicole up on her offer. I didn’t even know Alpine Springs had a civic center. Nicole warned us security would be tight, but the armed guards at the gate seemed a bit much.

“Identification of ALL passengers,” the tall security officer barked crisply. Margie quickly turned to the three of us. Allison and Jennifer handed over their student IDs, and I dug out my driving permit.

“Oh,” he responded in a much friendlier demeanor, quickly returning our IDs to us. He stepped inside the gatehouse for just a moment, returning with what looked like three laminated cards on white cords, which he handed over. “Just show these at the door, and if anyone else stops you.” He stepped back again, raising the gate to let us through.

“Well that was weird,” Allison mumbled, staring back at the gate as we drove on into the arena parking lot.

“Band/Staff: This pass authorizes the holder as band and/or staff with all access and privileges granted therein. Whoa.”

“How’d they get these photos of us though?” Allison asked as we stepped out of the car. She paused, glancing back at Margie. “You’re not coming in?”

Margie shook her head. “I’ve got some errands to run around town. I’ll come back in about two hours to pick you up though, or you can call me sooner if you need me.”

“Awesome,” Jennifer answered. We waved as she pulled away, turning to head for the main doors.

Not surprisingly, another pair of guards awaited us. One of them, an athletically-built woman with short brown hair stepped forward. She gently took my pass between her thumb and forefinger, glancing it over. Her eyebrows raised above the brim of her wire rim sunglasses as she looked up at me.

“You three are awfully young to be staff OR band.”

She took the radio from her belt, “We’ve got three girls here with Band/Staff access passes. Should I let them through?”

A moment passed before Jessica herself responded, “Yes, they’re family. Let them through.”

“Oh! Sorry about that,” she answered, then turned back to us. “You can go on in. Sorry for hassling you, but we can’t be too careful, you know?”

“It’s okay,” I replied, offering a friendly smile. “If you don’t mind my asking, what’s with all the heavy security anyway?”

“The band’s manager insisted on it. Personally I think it’s a little overkill, but you know how rock stars are.” She paused, adding, “Just don’t tell them I said that.”

Allison giggled. “Our lips are sealed.”

We worked our way through the main lobby through a sea of ladders, buckets, and floor polishing machines toward the doors to the arena itself. I had never been in an arena or auditorium larger than the one at school. The sheer magnitude of its size gave more than a little pause as I realized what Nicole must be feeling right now.

They had the normal lights up as a small crew of men and women set up the band’s instruments. As we drew closer though, I could only spot Moira’s bass. Kristen’s guitar seemed conspicuously absent. In its place, an ordinary, unassuming-looking cherry red electric guitar sat on a stand.

“Hey,” Lucia called from behind, though her stage persona, Solace, grinned darkly at us as we turned around. She had really turned up the ‘evil dolly’ thing since last time with a longer, curlier wig and a tiny top hat, as well as more extravagant stage makeup. She delicately wiggled her fingers as she did a quick spin. “So how do I look?”

“Let’s put it this way,” Jennifer teased, “Somewhere there’s a very spooky, homicidal little girl searching frantically for her dolly.”

“Perfect,” she cackled. “When I saw Moira’s new dress I just couldn’t resist trying to one-up her. Everyone’s backstage if you want to come hang out with us. Kristen’s pretty tweaked because the airline lost her guitar, but she’ll be glad to see you guys.”

“Really? I mean, she always seemed,” I tried to find a delicate way to put it. Lucia snickered.

“Distant?”

“Sort of, yeah. I mean, no disrespect intended.”

“Nah, she doesn’t offend easily even if I did tell her. She knows she can be a witch to be around, but she’s alright once you get to know her.” Lucia winked as she tilted her head toward the far end of the stage where a heavy black curtain hung.

“Anyway the backstage passage is just through there. We’ll have a full security detail watching it at the concert, but the joke’s on them ‘cause we won’t be entering or leaving the stage through there anyway.”

Allison cracked a grin as we followed her through the hidden door. “That’s par for the course. You’re not going to repel from the ceiling are you?”

Lucia laughed as she shook her head. “I hate heights. No, we had the stage rigged for something better. The final decorations won’t be put in place until tomorrow though, so you’ll just have to wait and see.” She paused outside a dressing room door where a tall, well-built bouncer stood with arms folded. Lucia produced a small bag of barbecue-flavored cashews which she passed to him.

“Solace, you’re a doll,” he spoke warmly.

“Oh, aren’t you the comedian,” she replied flirtatiously. “They’re with me,” she continued. He stepped aside, giving us a simple nod.

Inside, Jessica stood at the far end of the room in front of a large makeup table and lighted mirror. She had her head down, inhaling the vapors that rose from a steaming mug, while Kristen, dressed as Demona Rose, sat reclined on a leather sofa with her back to us. I could only just make out what looked like a small acoustic guitar’s headstock peeking over the back of the sofa as she played a few riffs.

Shadowfang sat beside Moira, across from Kristen and in full stage makeup. She wore a white wedding gown with strong Victorian styling that rested just off her shoulders, with tattered blue ribbons on the sleeves. The hem looked as though it had been shredded and caked with dirt. She most definitely did not look like Nicole. She smiled grimly as she stood to approach us. She stopped in front of me, wrapping her hands delicately around my neck.

“Hey cutie,” she hissed playfully.

“Nikki? You look amazing,” I gasped. She practically cackled as she cheerfully kissed me.

“Thanks. This dress is amazing. I just wish Moira could’ve been the one to debut it.”

Moira, still on crutches, limped over to us. She placed her hand on Nicole’s shoulder, smiling proudly. “Nikki, without you there’d be no show. I can’t tell you how much we appreciate this.”

Kristen stood, turning to approach us. I could now see the diminutive little guitar in her hands. She held up a warning finger and smirked. “Don’t laugh! The airline somehow lost my stage guitar so I had to sacrifice my practice guitar for the dress rehearsal.”

“That still doesn’t explain the little one though?” Jennifer asked carefully.

Kristen nodded. “This is my baby — literally. It’s called a Baby Taylor. I’ve had it for years. Just loosen the strings, unscrew the neck, and it fits right into a suitcase. Funny how they managed to not lose my luggage,” she grumbled.

“It’s cute,” Allison offered. “I kind of want one to take to Girl Scout camp this summer, but how’s it play?”

“Oh, well, here. Try it out.” she replied as she offered Allison the guitar. Allison squealed quietly as she accepted it, moving over to the sofa where Kristen had been sitting, meanwhile I turned back to Moira.

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

Moira nodded. “Of course. What’s on your mind?”

“What’s with the security?”

Moira giggled as Nicole sheepishly raised her hand. “That’d be my fault. Daddy got the same crew that worked at my Halloween party to handle security during setup both for my safety, and to help make sure nobody figures out it’s not Moira up there.”

Jessica turned away from the makeup mirror, strolling over and bringing the steaming mug with her. A hint of minty smell wafted our way. She raised it in a toasting motion then drank the entire thing in one swig. She gagged once, setting the empty mug on a nearby table. “Five minutes to show time ladies.” As the other three shuffled past us, she paused with an impish grin. “Could you help us out with the sound check?”

“Sure,” I answered.

“Ace,” she replied cheerfully. “We’re trying a new sound setup so I need one of you in front and two off to the sides and back a few rows. The crew all says it sounds fine, but I want ‘real’ opinions.”

Allison bobbed her head lightly. “I’ll take the right side.”

“And I’ll take the left,” Jennifer offered.

“Alright, we’ll give you a couple of minutes to get in. Just follow the hall back out the way you came, and we’ll see you out there,” Jessica advised, turning to practically sprint down the hall the other direction while Moira limped along back to the arena proper with us.

~oOo~

Later that evening, Margie dropped Jennifer and me off at Victoria’s house. It was incredibly hard not talking about how the sound check had gone, especially when Victoria’s first question was…

“Wow, you guys are in a good mood. What’s up?”

Jennifer and I looked at each other, giggled, and answered in unison, “Nothing.”

Chelsea laughed. “Nothing my big toe. Okay, we’ve worked out the rudimentary moves for the first quarter of the routine, but we need to start choreographing the second portion.”

Twelve girls dressed in t-shirts and shorts sat on whatever furniture we could find in Victoria’s living room while Chelsea went over the basic plan, at least insofar as what she and Victoria had managed to concoct thus far. When she finished, she sat down, nodding toward me.

“Alright, Robin’s our expert here, so unless anyone has any questions, she’s got the floor.”

I stood nervously as every single girl stared expectantly at me. “I'm not really sure how to begin. I've only been studying Kenpo since July, after Ally and I were attacked by this crazy guy who tried to get us into his van.”

“Oh my God,” Victoria gasped.

I nodded solemnly. “That’s why I freaked out when Jason grabbed me. It was an accident that never should have happened.”

Stacey spoke up. “I remember that. You just like, moved one step and the next thing I knew, he was flat on his butt staring up at you.”

“That’s why it’s going to be important to learn the basics, so no one gets hurt. Accidents happen, even in the dojo. It’s probably best if we ask my step-dad to supervise. In the meantime, do we have any music picked out yet?”

Sasha whipped out her MP3 player and tossed it to Chelsea, who plugged it in to a small MP3 player dock sitting on an end table. As Carl Douglas and Vivian Hawke’s ‘Kung Fu Fighting’ came through the speakers, the entire room exploded into giggles, myself included.

Chelsea paused the MP3 player as she tried to stop laughing. “We need to tighten up our dance routine for the first portion then try and put it to music. Robin, can you talk to your dad about setting up a time to work with us? Pretty much any time we have a scheduled practice would work I think.”

“Sure, no problem,” I answered without missing a beat. Won’t Ash be surprised? He had officially become “Robin’s dad” after just over a week. I certainly wasn’t going to complain though.

“Oh before I forget,” Chelsea called, getting everyone’s attention. ”There’s a two day cheer retreat I want us to attend the weekend of the sixth.”

“Wait, what?” Stacey perked up.

“It’s like cheer camp, but two days of intense training instead of a whole week.”

“Erm, yeah, but isn’t that going to cut into Spring Break time?”

Victoria nodded. “It’s not required that anyone attend, but it’s highly encouraged.”

Jennifer smiled cheerily. “Sounds like fun. I’ll be there. What about you Robin?”

“I don’t have any plans. Andrea talked about wanting to visit, but it’s only a couple of days. Where’s the retreat held?”

Victoria reached for her purse, retrieving a small piece of paper and unfolding it. “Camp Kutomanu.”

Jennifer and I immediately started to giggle, drawing odd stares from the others. Jennifer shook her head. “Oh my God, it would be. We went to Girl Scout camp there last summer.”

“Oh, cool,” Chelsea responded, “So you already know the camp layout. That’s going to come in handy. Anyone who’s interested in going, just come talk to me or Victoria for a release form after practice.”

“Hey,” Tracy, our oldest still active girl scout, spoke up next. “Aren’t these things usually held at college campuses, with dorms and indoor plumbing?”

A few girls snickered, but Victoria nodded. “Normally, yeah, but this is a regional retreat. The camp’s big enough to house cheerleaders from as far away as New Haven.”

“Plus the cabins have indoor plumbing. Ours did anyway,” Jennifer added.

Liz appeared in the doorway, cordless phone in hand. “Chelsea, Victoria? Coach Greer’s on the phone.”

“I’ll grab the extension,” Victoria answered, rushing upstairs even as Liz handed the cordless phone to Chelsea.

“I wonder what’s up?” Chelsea asked as she waited for Victoria. “Wait a minute, what do you mean not permitted? They never said anything about––” she paused, a grimace forming on her features. We waited with bated breath for the one-sided conversation to end.

Victoria emerged, looking a little down as Chelsea handed the phone off to Liz again.

“Formally there’s no rule stating that we can’t use Chelsea’s martial arts idea, but Coach Greer contacted the competition organizers just to be on the safe side.”

Chelsea continued, “They decided it wouldn’t be in the spirit of the competition.”

“What?” Sasha asked with a mix of shock and annoyance.

Victoria shook her head. “They’re worried someone might get hurt either in practice or in the competition. Coach Greer said their exact words were ‘This isn’t Hollywood. Leave the professional stunts to the professionals’.”

“So that’s it? I’ve been through teen-angst Hell for nothing because they don’t think it fits the spirit of the competition?”

Jennifer stood and rested her hand on my shoulder, but the expression on her face reflected my own thoughts. “Robin’s right. I’m sorry, but this is bull.”

Chelsea shook her head. “They have the right to run the competition however they see fit. You have every right to be mad, but not at them. I should have looked into it first before I got everyone’s hopes up. That was my fault.”

Whatever anger I had in me left as quickly as I stepped closer. I’d never seen Chelsea this upset before.

“I’m sorry Chels,” I spoke softly as I hugged her. “Nobody’s blaming you for this, least of all me.”

“It’s not easy having everyone expect you to be constantly on top of this stuff. It means that when I screw up, it’s major. I really let the squad down.”

Stacey shot back, “If it wasn’t for you we wouldn’t even be GOING to nationals this year. You and Victoria are our captains for a reason, right guys?”

A chorus of ‘Yeah’, ‘Totally’, and other agreements followed as we encircled our captains. I gave Chelsea my best supportive smile despite myself.

“Everyone makes mistakes.”

“Katelyn’s going to flip, but I’ll handle it. I’ve already gotten you hurt enough.”

I shook my head. “We’re a team, remember? We’ll find a way to get through this together, including working with Katelyn. I’ll talk to Mrs. Ellis to find a mediator if it comes down to it.”

“So that means you’ll stay?”

“Of course I will,” I replied. “Just because I’m upset, doesn’t mean I don’t want to dance anymore. What made you think that?”

She shook her head slowly. “I’m just being insecure I guess,” she sniffed, dabbing at her eye with a finger. “I’m having a bad week anyway, Katelyn made it worse, and now this happens.”

Victoria wrapped an arm around Chelsea’s waist in a supportive hug. “Let’s keep choreographing our ground moves. Tomorrow we can get a revised list of stunting rules so we can see what is and isn’t allowed.”

Chelsea forced a smile. “Okay. Thanks Victoria. I’m sorry for-”

“And quit apologizing,” Victoria teased. “It’s an honest mistake. Even Coach Greer thought it would be fine, remember?”

Her smile brightened just a little bit at that as she nodded. “I guess that’s true. Okay, just give me a second to wash my face then I’ll be ready. Thanks girls. I’m glad we’re all in this together.”

~* Heedless of Consequence *~ “Katelyn, hold on a minute.” She stopped, turning back to me with a neutral expression. “There’s a cheer retreat coming up soon. If you want to go, just talk to Victoria for a release form.” Her gaze softened as she stared back at me. “You’re serious?” “Yes I’m serious. Not everyone on the squad’s even going to be able to go because it’s the first weekend of Spring Break.” She continued to stare at me, untrusting. I shook my head. “If you want to go, talk to Victoria or Coach Greer for that matter.” “If you’re lying, and I did ask Coach Greer, you’d get thrown off the squad.” A calculating smile crossed her lips. I smiled right back at her. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of thinking she had me cornered. I turned to continue out to the parking lot.

---

Author's Note:
I wrestled with this chapter perhaps more than any other. It's sitting at its 23rd revision as of posting. I worried and wondered if it's just "too" sweet, but I like the way the characters handle the situation. I like the way everything ties together, and I like that it's not Robin that's playing peacemaker, so I've decided to keep it.

~Zoe

---

Allison and Nicole took the news that our big plans had been shot down about as well as we had. Still, a good night’s sleep really made things seem brighter a little brighter.

My new uniforms were as cute as I remembered, and Margie insisted I try them each on — five in total in differing styles, so she could take pictures to pass around to family and friends. Andrea’s reaction was priceless. She knew I had gotten on the squad, but I don’t think I truly sank in until she saw the pictures.

I wish Katelyn’s reaction had been so positive. I dreaded the inevitable encounter all day. As I stepped into the girls’ room to fix my lip gloss after lunch, Katelyn stepped out of one of the stalls, glowering at me.

“So I heard the big plan blew up in you guys’ faces.”

“Yeah, the organizers decided they didn’t want to risk anyone getting hurt.”

“Serves her right,” she sneered, turning to the mirror. As she applied a light coat of mascara, she continued. “So does that mean you’re going to quit the squad? I mean now that they don’t need you anymore.”

“Hey, you missed the tryout. We sent someone to find you, but you were already gone. I’m not going to drop out just because you’re upset with Chelsea.”

She turned to glare at me. “You know what? Screw you,” she snapped back, storming out.

I exhaled slowly, turning to follow her out. “Katelyn wait!”

“No,” she shouted back, continuing down the hall.

“Terrific,” I sighed, turning to head the other way, and bumped right into Principal Rochelle.

“Is there a problem?” he asked, keeping a professional demeanor.

“Oh, excuse me. No sir, no problem,” I responded as calmly as I could manage. “She’s just upset.”

He seemed to accept that explanation and nodded, turning to continue down the hall. I breathed a relieved sigh as Maria poked her head around the corner. She smiled a little as she stepped closer.

“Wow. I can’t believe you did that,” she mused quietly.

“What?”

“Stood up for her like that,” she answered as she lightly rolled her shoulders. “Katelyn’s like me. She’s hot-blooded. She says things she doesn’t mean, you know?”

“She does mean it though. She’s upset that I won’t drop out now that my “advice” isn’t needed anymore.”

“She said that?” Maria frowned. “I thought we were over this already.”

“I did too. It sucks that she blew her chance at making the squad this year, but it’s not my fault she wouldn’t listen. I’m trying to give her a chance, but my patience is wearing thin. Can you do me a favor?”

“Sure, what is it?”

“I know you guys are friends. Can you at least try and keep her from starting anything?”

“Like what?” she asked, concerned.

“I mean, I’ve got enough problems in my life without her spreading rumors about me or any other catty crap. I just can’t handle it right now.”

“Maybe if you weren’t such an over-achiever,” Maria shot back, abruptly covering her mouth. “I’m sorry Robin, I didn’t mean it like that.”

Nicole shook her head as she approached. “She already quit the school paper. What else do you want her to give up?”

“You … what?” Maria gasped. “You’re kidding right?”

“It was just too much pressure. Something had to give, so I resigned. Listen, for what it’s worth Victoria thinks Katelyn has a lot of talent. She’s the only one who could have given me serious competition for the open slot, and she has a real shot at making varsity cheer next year. She just has to stop jumping down my and Chelsea’s throats constantly.”

“Maria,” Katelyn called from further down the hall.

Maria frowned at us. “Sorry, we’ll talk later,” she offered, turning to sprint down the hall. Nicole shook her head.

“How those two remained friends when Chelsea’s part of Maria’s host family is beyond me. Hey you don’t think they’re…” Nicole trailed off.

“They’re what?”

“You know,” she wiggled her eyebrows. I had to laugh.

“I thought Maria was dating Jason?”

“Yeah, but so was I,” she teased. “Anyway, it got you to smile right?”

“You’re insane. I love you,” I replied, kissing her cheek lightly. “Are you ready for the concert?”

“As I’ll ever be. I was up all night learning the last bass riff, but I finally got it to a point where nobody’s going to question that it’s her. Plus being new material, if I screw up no one will notice. They’ll just think the band changed it later.” She paused, nodding to no one in particular. “That’s what I keep telling myself anyway.”

~oOo~

I felt bad for Maria. She really was a nice girl, and I cared about her a lot, but being friends with both Katelyn and me put a bit of a strain on her. It probably didn’t help that we all had matching Heedless Despair advanced print concert t-shirts to wear Friday, including the two we promised Maria and Brittany.

“Nice shirt,” Katelyn mumbled in passing as I was getting ready to leave school. I’d just put my books in my locker, but when I turned, she was already down the hall. I ran to catch up with her.

“Katelyn, hold on a minute.” She stopped, turning back to me with a neutral expression. “There’s a cheer retreat coming up soon. If you want to go, just talk to Victoria for a release form.”

Her gaze softened as she stared back at me. “You’re serious?”

“Yes I’m serious. Not everyone on the squad’s even going to be able to go because it’s the first weekend of Spring Break.” She continued to stare at me, untrusting. I shook my head. “If you want to go, talk to Victoria or Coach Greer for that matter.”

“If you’re lying, and I did ask Coach Greer, you’d get thrown off the squad.” A calculating smile crossed her lips. I smiled right back at her. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of thinking she had me cornered. I turned to continue out to the parking lot.

Nicole had to leave earlier that day under the guise of a dentist appointment, so Kelly was giving Allison, Jennifer and me a ride home. She stood by her car in the parking lot, chatting with the other two when I approached. Immediately they grew silent as Kelly wrapped me in a much-needed hug.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“I ran into Katelyn again.”

Jennifer scowled. “What did she say this time?”

“It’s not like that — not this time. I approached her. I told her about the upcoming cheer camp. She doesn’t believe me, so I told her to talk to Coach Greer about it.”

Allison and Jennifer both wrapped me in a hug, the former adding, “Forget her. She’s not worth the energy.”

I smiled a little as I nodded. “We should get ready for the concert.”

“Hakuna matata,” Jennifer cheered playfully as she rested her head on my shoulder, giving me a big, goofy smile. I had to laugh.

~oOo~

I hadn’t spoken to Rachel and Natalie since the wedding, mostly because of my hectic schedule, though at least things were finally calming down. Seeing them waiting for us at home though really lifted my spirits. I immediately bolted from Kelly’s car, rushing over to hug the both of them.

“Spirit!” they cheered in unison and giggled as Allison and Jennifer hurried to catch up.

“How have you guys been? I’m sorry I don’t call more often.”

Natalie shrugged. “It’s fine. Jen and Ally have been keeping us up to date. We know how crazy things’ve been. Oh my gosh, is that the ring Nikki gave you?” she squealed. “It’s gorgeous!”

Rachel slowly glanced around. “Hey where IS Nikki? It’s not like her to miss a Heedless Despair concert pre-party.”

The three of us started giggling as I replied, “Oh, we’ll see her there.”

Natalie shook her head. “I know that tone. I’m not even going to ask.”

~oOo~

After hanging out at Allison’s for the better part of an hour, we arrived at the civic center. Already, parking was scarce, but we managed to find a spot. The security guards were nowhere to be seen, at least until we got closer. Two of them stood outside a side entrance where a shiny new tour bus bearing Heedless Despair’s band logo sat parked. Jennifer grinned at Rachel and Natalie. Natalie shook her head.

“No way. Did you see that bouncer? He’d break us in half!”

Allison giggled. “Yeah, but,” she flashed her backstage pass. “We know the band, remember?”

“If you say so,” Natalie replied hesitantly as she and Rachel followed us. As we worked our way through the crowd, a familiar voice called after us.

“Excuse me, girls, Tina Gale.”

Allison groaned, but I smiled as I turned back to her. There was no way she could remember us after all this time.

“Robin, I thought that was you,” she dashed my hopes expertly. “How are you doing?”

“Hi Tina,” I answered without really answering. “What are you doing here?”

She motioned to her camera crew further back, smiling. “I’m interviewing concert-goers, fishing for sound bytes we can use. I’m about to do my live report.”

“Oh, have you got anything you can use yet?”

“A few pieces; they’re running them during commercial break. What I really need is a live interview. Would one of you be interested?”

Rachel and Natalie immediately stepped back. Allison shook her head. “I don’t ‘do’ interviews.”

Jennifer smiled. “I’ll do it if you will Robin.”

“Sure, why not?”

“Excellent,” Tina responded in a friendly tone as she led us over to her camera crew. They had us stand with the crowd behind us ‘for atmosphere’ while Tina accepted her microphone, turning to approach us again.

“Now, this is going to be very informal, things like ‘Are you excited to see Heedless Despair’ or ‘is this your first concert’, that sort of thing,” she paused briefly, while waiting for her cue. “How did your fundraiser go?”

“Really, really well - someone made a huge anonymous donation. I really wish I could have thanked whoever it was that did that. It meant a lot to us, plus we were able to raise a lot of money anyway with your help publicizing it.”

She smiled sheepishly as she glanced away. Jennifer smiled brightly. “It was you wasn’t it?”

Tina slowly nodded. “Actually we took up a collection around the newsroom, but yes, I signed off as the anonymous donor.”

“Okay Tina, we’re live in three, two, one.”

Tina turned to the camera smiling professionally as she continued a conversation none of us could hear. “Thanks Don. That’s right; I’m here in Alpine Springs for what city planners have called the biggest event to hit the city in twenty-five years. As you heard during the commercial break I’ve been speaking to fans of the European band Heedless Despair. In fact I have two of their biggest fans right here with me.” She turned back to us.

“Is this your first Heedless Despair concert?”

“Technically it’s our first concert,” Jennifer answered. “But we got them to play at my best friend’s sweet sixteen last October.”

“I’ll bet that was a night your friend will never forget,” Tina answered warmly, turning to me. “What is it you like most about their music?”

“It’s not just their music, really. It’s the whole experience. They’re true theatrical artists. They take their music and their performance seriously, and it shows. It’s easy to get lost in the mythos and forget that they’re not big, scary monsters of rock, but it’s all in fun.”

“There you have it,” she responded as she turned back to the camera. “Back to you Don.”

“And we’re clear,” the cameraman stated. Tina handed the microphone off as she smiled back at us.

“Thanks girls. Your enthusiasm really shows.”

“No problem,” Jennifer answered. “Thank you for helping publicize our fundraiser last year. We owe you one.”

“How about an exclusive interview with the band?” she teased, quickly adding. “I’m kidding! I don’t want to spoil the fun after all,” she added with a wink. I giggled.

“Besides which the last paparazzi who tried to photograph them lost his job when the fans boycotted his publisher,” I added with a sly smile, turning to rejoin the others. As we approached the bouncer, he slowly turned to face us, arms folded as he began to recite his obviously prepared speech.

“No you can’t see the band, no you can’t have an autog–Wait a minute.” He approached us, checking our passes. He laughed. “Sorry about that. I assume these two,” he paused, motioning to Rachel and Natalie, “are with you?”

“Yup,” Jennifer replied cheerily. “They’re cool.”

“Well alright then. The band’s still getting ready, but you can go on inside.” He pointed to the building’s side door, following us as far as the door to close it behind us.

“This is so cool!” Rachel squealed. “I mean, meeting Heedless Despair hanging out at Nikki’s is one thing, but I’ve never been backstage at a concert before!”

“Yeah, but for a second there I thought Robin was going to ask Tina to come backstage with us,” Jennifer teased.

“I thought about it actually, but the whole situation with Moira just would’ve made it too complex. But given the size of the donation they gave us, I wouldn’t feel bad about at least asking the band.”

“Wait, what donation?” Allison asked.

Jennifer grinned. “Tina confessed that her newsroom took up a collection to donate to our cancer walk last year.”

“I thought it might’ve been Crystal’s parents,” I offered. “I mean, I never expected Tina to be involved like that.”

Natalie smiled as she squeezed my hand. “They left Connecticut after the incident. Still I know they would’ve done the same if they were here. You’re just like her in a lot of ways.”

Silence fell over our group as we walked down the hall. Officer Jane Garrett stood outside the dressing room opposite the woman I’d met outside the civic center the other day. The woman started to hold up her hand as we approached, but Jane quickly stepped forward, surprising me with a friendly hug.

“Robin Smith, what on earth are you doing back here?”

I smiled proudly as I held out my pass for her to inspect. “We’re friends with the band. I should ask you the same question though.”

“Some of us on the force work as security for public venues like the civic center when we’re off-duty. It’s good to see you again,” she added as she released my pass. “I hope you’re staying out of trouble?”

“Mostly,” I answered sheepishly. “Nothing as bad as last year anyway. Oh, Jane these are my friends from Girl Scouts, Rachel and Natalie, and you remember Jennifer and Allison? Girls this is Officer Garrett. She’s kind of my guardian angel.”

I don’t think I’d ever seen Officer Garrett blush until today. She shook her head as she smiled. “I wouldn’t say that. I was just in the right place at the right time.”

She stepped aside to let us pass, though even so, the door had been locked tight. Before I could knock, Lucia, dressed as Solace, pulled it open.

“Fresh meat,” she hissed playfully as she stepped aside to let us enter.

By now Kristen had her cherry red electric guitar back in-hand as she and Nicole, dressed as Shadowfang, sat across from one another. Nicole had a sleek black bass guitar resting across her lap, and though their amplifiers were both turned down very low, I could still make out the strains of their battle duet.

Kristen suddenly stopped playing though, staring expectantly at Nicole.

“What?”

Kristen shook her head. “You’re not even going to say ‘hi’ to our visitors?”

Nicole tilted her head back. She looked like she wanted to squeal as soon as she saw us with Rachel and Natalie, but she quickly composed herself and set her bass aside. She stood and approached us, and with the two not yet in on the practical joke staring in stunned silence, grabbed me in her arms, spun me around into a low dip and kissed me. I melted in her loving, dark embrace as she stared into my eyes for only a moment, pulling me up again.

“Hello lover,” she hissed in her best approximation of Shadowfang’s stage voice.

“Robin, what’s going on?” Natalie asked nervously. Moira giggled as she approached. She still had a limp in her step, but the cast had been replaced with a lightweight brace.

“You didn’t tell them? You little sneaks!” she laughed as she extended her hand. “Hi ladies. You probably don’t remember me without the stage makeup-”

Rachel ‘got it’ first, turning quickly to the fake Shadowfang. “Nikki?!” Nicole started laughing as Rachel squealed and hugged her. “Oh my God, you look just like her.”

“Really though,” Natalie added. By now Jennifer and Allison’s cheeks were stained with fresh tears from laughing. Nicole motioned to the twin sofas.

“Make yourselves comfortable. We’ve still got some time before the show starts.”

“Now I get why Robin didn’t want Tina involved though.”

“Huh?” Nicole asked. As we sat down, I explained about the interview, and Nicole and Moira explained about the accident. When they finished, Jessica stepped closer, that familiar steaming mug in-hand.

“Nicole really saved our bacon. Even when Kris had the flu, we still went on.”

Kristen rolled her shoulders. “Heedless Despair’s got a reputation to keep up. We’re supposed to be inhuman monsters. Besides, I slept for two days straight after that show.”

“Sure, when you weren’t worshipping the porcelain goddess,” Lucia chided playfully.

“So, Nikki’s playing Shadowfang tonight. I’m guessing this means we’re sworn to secrecy on penalty of death and dismemberment?” Rachel teased.

Kristen laughed. “Something like that.”

Jessica started to raise her mug to drink, stopping as someone knocked. She stepped away to open it a crack.

“Ten minutes,” a male voice spoke from outside the door. Jessica turned back to us, downing her mug.

“Alright ladies, it’s show time. Robin, do you and your friends need an escort?”

“I’ll go with ‘em. Nobody’s going to get in MY way if they don’t want a crutch up their arse.”

Moira walked with us down the familiar hall, through staff and security that littered the area. The lights had been turned low, enough to allow concert-attendees to move about, but not so much as to spoil the atmosphere. A few vapid screams and cheers went up as we appeared from behind the curtain, quickly fading as realization dawned that we weren’t who they were expecting. Moira laughed, even as she nodded toward the stage.

Where a bare stage had once stood not a week ago, a grim, spooky cemetery now awaited the performers. A thick fog rolled across the stage and over the edges, disguising whatever lay below.

Jennifer giggled. “That is so cool,” she started, but paused. “Hey, is that… Crap, it’s Katelyn.”

Jennifer pointed to where Katelyn, Maria and Jason sat in the front row right where we would be.

“Like I needed this,” I exhaled. “Please dear God don’t let her say something stupid. I just want to enjoy the concert.”

Moira frowned. “If she gives you any problems I can have her thrown out.”

“No, it’s okay,” I tried to defend her, again. “She’s just… It’s a long story. It’s okay though, really.”

“Well, alright,” she answered simply. As we approached, Maria jumped to her feet.

“Robin! Hey! Mi Dios, are those backstage passes?”

I nodded sheepishly. “Yeah. Oh, Maria this is Moira. She’s-”

“I’m with the band. You know, sound and stuff.” It was a clever half-truth, and Maria took it on faith without a thought as she smiled, shaking her hand.

“Nice to meet you. This is my boyfriend Jason, and my friend Katelyn.”

Katelyn nodded neutrally. “Hey,” she responded.

As we took our seats, Moira smiled. “Enjoy the show, hey?” She turned to limp away back toward the curtain, where a bouncer quickly pulled it aside to let her through. Meanwhile Katelyn looked over, speaking in a careful tone.

“I called Coach Greer. She thinks me going to that cheer camp would be a great learning experience. I…” She trailed off, shifting her gaze away. “Thanks for the heads-up.”

“Katelyn, I’m sorry,” I offered as gently as I could manage. “I’m not trying to ruin your life.”

“I know that,” she shot back. She paused to take a deep breath as Maria stared at her.

“Kate, she promised, and she’s really trying, but you gotta be willing to try too. Robin isn’t Chelsea, remember?”

“I-I know,” she stammered. Jason cleared his throat.

“I’ll… just be over there,” he offered dryly as he stood to step away and give us some ‘girl time’.

Maria smiled sympathetically at him, turning back to Katelyn. “She quit the school paper too you know.”

“What?” Katelyn leaned forward to stare at me. “Why?”

“It was just too much stress. I was afraid my grades would suffer so I told Mrs. Ellis I couldn’t do it anymore. I’m also active in the Girl Scouts, my mom’s wedding was last week, and I’ve had basketball to think about until now.”

“Jeeze,” she mumbled.

“Don’t say it,” Maria warned.

Katelyn smirked. “I wasn’t,” she answered. “We can talk about it later. Let’s just enjoy the concert.”

“Truce?” I asked as I offered my hand. She stared hesitantly, but Maria grabbed her hand, gently pulling it up to meet mine. She giggled as she bumped Katelyn’s shoulder.

“Truce,” she answered softly. “Oh, Coach Greer told me something else. She um,” she trailed off. “She said Victoria thinks I could make the squad easily next year.”

“Told you so,” I replied with a smile.

“Whatever,” she responded with a weak laugh and a hint of a smile. She suddenly glanced around though, just as the lights fell. “Hey, where’s Nikki? Isn’t she like, THE biggest Heedless Despair fan ever?”

A clap of thunder roared through the arena as thousands of screaming fans drowned her out as well as any response I could’ve given. We leapt to our feet and cheered as a bluish light shone through the mist. A lone silhouette stood amidst the fog. Her features were hidden beneath a tattered veil. She turned to the side, to one of the grave markers, pantomiming mourning at the grave as the sounds of a woman sobbing filled the arena.

Suddenly another figure rose slowly from the mists, followed by two more, further behind her. The stage lights rose enough to reveal Jessica as the Scarlet Witch, flanked by Lucia and Kristen as Solace and Demona Rose. The sobbing woman slowly stood, turning to face the trio. Jessica reached for her veil, but the woman recoiled.

Lucia stepped forward this time. She wore a creepy smile as she tugged innocently at the veil, pulling it aside. She took Nicole’s hand and pulled her along to join the others. Jessica picked up her microphone as the other three took their places.

“The dark wind howls for flesh tonight,” she hissed. The arena exploded into cheers as they began their first number of the night.

~oOo~

As the final note rang out, choruses of cheers threatened to blow the roof off the civic center. The band descended back into the mist as the lights rose. Katelyn seemed oddly quiet though. She gently took my hand as we stood to head backstage again.

“Can I ask you something? Can I trust you to be straight with me?”

“Sure. What is it?”

“You never answered my question before. Where’s Nikki?”

“She’s…” I hesitated. Katelyn stared expectantly. “How big a fan are you of Heedless Despair?” I asked. Maria giggled.

“Are you kidding? They’re the reason we became friends. Katelyn has more Heedless Despair stuff than anyone I know, barring Nikki.”

“Come backstage with us,” I offered. “It’ll be quieter back there, and we can catch the band before they get on their tour bus. And it’ll give us a chance to talk in private.”

“Really?” she gasped. “You’d let me come with you?”

“Sure,” Allison answered, grabbing Maria’s hand, who in-turn pulled Jason along. Jennifer stayed with Katelyn and me while Rachel and Natalie followed Allison.

“What she said,” I replied.

Katelyn hesitantly nodded. At the menacing black curtain, where three equally menacing bouncers stood, Jennifer and I showed our backstage passes. They stepped aside, letting us through. Jennifer smiled back at us.

“I’m going to go on ahead.”

Katelyn waited for Jennifer to get further down the hall before turning back to me.

“Okay, what’s going on? Where is Nikki? I’m starting to get a little freaked out here that I’m the only person who seems to notice she’s missing.”

Moira limped around the corner, causing Katelyn to tense up. She smiled as she stuck out her hand. “I’m sorry for deceiving you earlier, Katelyn was it?”

“Yeah. What do you mean ‘deceiving me’?”

“Truth is, I play bass for a popular Euro band. You might have heard of us?” She paused for dramatic effect and smiled. “Underneath all the glamour and makeup, I’m just plain ‘Moira’. And a couple of months ago, I almost broke up the band because I didn’t believe in myself, in what our music stood for, or my friends.”

“And then you met Robin?” she asked condescendingly. Moira laughed.

“No, actually our lead guitarist knocked her ex-boyfriend out cold for threatening to throw me out of the band.” She grinned. Katelyn covered her mouth to fight the surprised giggle. “It all started, several months ago. We had a bit of a falling out, and, frankly, I thought Kris-I mean Demona hated me after that.”

Katelyn stared down at Moira’s ankle, obviously confused. Moira smiled sheepishly. “It’s all part of the same tangled web. We had an argument a few weeks back. I said things I shouldn’t have said, and stormed out, angry, confused, hurt. I wasn’t watching my step, and an ice patch knocked me off my feet. Truthfully, we almost cancelled the show.”

“B-but you guys never miss a show,” she responded.

“We were ready to, but we convinced someone to be my stand-in just this once; a musician who knew our style both theatrically and musically.”

“Nikki, right?” she answered softly. I thought, given our past conflicts, that she would explode right then and there, but she just shook her head slowly. “I’m so confused. I don’t know whether to be jealous of her or happy that she saved the show.”

“You need to have more confidence in yourself — speaking from experience. I didn’t realize how much my band mates actually cared about my well-being. I thought Demona hated me when the reality was, that’s just her way, you know? I almost lost three really good friendships because I didn’t listen. It’s not too late to set things right.”

“I don’t want to hate you,” Katelyn spoke softly as she turned back to me. “I just hate what you represent. Chelsea thinks I don’t work hard. I do, but it feels like it’s never enough. You’re better than me at everything.”

“Oh, no I’m not. You have faster reflexes than me, and your situational awareness is a lot higher. That’s why Coach Wilson put you on defense. Chelsea and Brittany have better leadership skills than anyone else on the team which is why they’re captains. Everyone’s good at something, and nobody’s good at everything. I mean, you weren’t there when I got thrown off a horse at summer camp,” I joked, trying to lighten the mood.

She cracked a smile. “You’re not just telling me this to cheer me up are you?”

I shook my head. “Ask Coach Wilson’s assistant Elaine about it. She saw the whole thing.”

“Well I still don’t know if I trust you, but,” she paused turning to Moira, “I’m not about to scoff at the advice of one of the greatest living bass players.”

Moira shook her head. It was finally her turn to blush. “I don’t know about all that. I hope I can trust you to keep this a secret though. I shouldn’t even be telling you this, but Nikki’s special to me. She’s like a little sister, and when one of her friends is hurting, I can’t just stand by and watch, ya know?”

Katelyn nodded quickly. “I won’t tell a soul, I swear.”

Moira smiled as she unfurled what had previously just looked like a roll of black cloth in her hand, revealing an autographed concert t-shirt. “I thought I’d smooth things over with this, but it seems it won’t be necessary after all.” She grinned as she offered it to Katelyn.

“For me?” she whispered.

Moira nodded. “Don’t worry. That’s the ‘real’ Shadowfang’s signature there.”

Katelyn squealed as she hugged Moira. “Thank you so much. I love all your music, and this is… Wow. Thank you!”

She turned back to me again. “Can we,” she hesitated, biting her lip. “Can we start over?”

“Hi, I’m Robin,” I answered as I offered her my hand. She laughed.

“You know what I mean.”

“Yes, we can start over.”

“Thanks,” she answered, as we turned to follow Moira.

“Thank Maria. She asked me to give you a chance. Honestly, I’m learning that when she tells you to give someone a chance, you should listen. Just look at Jason.”

“Speaking of your friends,” Moira advised, “They’re waiting in the green room. Lucia introduced one of them to her five alarm salsa. I’ve never seen anyone but her eat that mind-rotting soul-searing mess without downing a liter of water afterwards.”

Katelyn laughed quietly as we followed Moira to their dressing room. “Maria has a cast iron stomach.”

~oOo~

Nicole endlessly entertained herself scaring Jason. He hadn’t forgotten his run-in with Shadowfang, and unlike Katelyn, neither Maria nor he were in on ‘the joke’, which meant she had to keep up her stage acting, but the rest of the band played along, backing her up as though it were Moira they were interacting with. After the three of them had left, Nicole pulled me into a hug.

“So is everything okay with Katelyn now?”

“I hope so. Moira was eavesdropping on us,” I began. Moira laughed, throwing a piece of popcorn at me.

“Was not,” she teased. “I just happened to be within earshot, and around a blind corner.”

Kristen laughed. “Eavesdropping.”

“Anyway, Moira talked to her. It turns out Katelyn’s a huge Heedless Despair fan too.”

“Moira told?” Nicole frowned, but paused. She picked up the piece of popcorn from my hair that Moira had thrown, popping it into her mouth with a satisfied crunch. “But you said she’s a big fan, so she won’t tell right?”

“Actually,” I started, “She was really worried about you. Moira made her swear not to say anything, and, believe it or not, she seemed pretty sincere.”

“Cue the Twilight Zone music,” Nicole teased. Jennifer leaned over, singing in her ear. Nicole laughed as she playfully swatted her away. “Quiet you! I guess in the end, if she did blab, it’d be our word against hers though.”

“And ours,” Lucia added, giving her drumstick a lazy twirl. “I doubt anyone’d believe we had a sixteen year old on bass anyway. No offense,” she added, shooting Nicole a smile.

“Can we give you girls a ride home?” Jessica asked as she re-entered with a fresh bottle of water.

Rachel smiled as she held up her keys. “I’ve got my car. Unless you guys are staying in New Haven I should probably give Natalie a ride home, too.”

“Actually we are. We’re due to debark dressed like our setup crew.”

Natalie giggled. “So that’s why your stage guys all wear black with those black baseball caps?”

Lucia placed her finger to the side of her temple, grinning. “Smart girl. Nobody EVER suspects the four gals in black t-shirts - right Robin?” She shot me a glance as the four started laughing, reminiscing of my run-in with them at the Homecoming game.

“As cool as it would be to party with you guys, my parents would probably crap themselves if I got off a rock star’s tour bus instead of Rachel’s car. Thanks though.”

She turned to catch Nicole and me in a warm hug. “Don’t be a stranger, okay? I miss you guys.”

“Hey, what are you doing Spring Break?” Allison asked out of the blue.

“The first weekend there’s a big cheer retreat, but I’m not doing anything after that. Natalie?”

Natalie shrugged. “Same, minus the cheer retreat. Why?”

“Robin’s friend Andrea might be coming to visit. If she can make it, we were thinking of taking her camping and giving her the real wilderness girl experience.”

“I don’t think Andrea’s ever even seen a tent that wasn’t set up over a sidewalk sale at the mall,” I joked.

Rachel and Natalie giggled. “Sounds fun,” they answered in unison, glanced at each other, and giggled again.

“Awesome.” Allison beamed, hugging the two of them before they left. Kristen watched them leave then turned back to Moira.

“So is what you said to that other girl true?”

Moira turned back to her. “Pardon?”

“You thought I hated you? Just because you were eavesdropping on them, doesn’t mean I wasn’t eavesdropping on you, too. Now answer the question.”

Moira bit her lip. “Yeah. After-” she started, but Kristen shook her head slowly.

“I know I can be hard to get on with, but really? Hate you?” Then she did something none of us expected. She hugged the bassist. “I’m sorry about that night.” She paused. “I was so drunk that night, I…” she trailed off. “I said things I shouldn’t have, and things got weird, you know?”

“I know,” Moira answered simply.

“I’m sorry for stonewalling you. I just, the next day when I woke up and remembered what happened it … It freaked me out.”

“Kris, calm down. It’s okay,” Moira tried to interrupt her, but she was on a roll.

“No, it isn’t. If I had just been honest with you none of this would’ve happened. You wouldn’t have had to deal with that idiot, and we probably never would’ve argued the day you-”

“The day I fell? There’s no guarantee I wouldn’t have hit that ice patch anyway. Hell, for all we know it mighta been you or Jessica, or Lucia who went arse over elbow. There’s just no way to know. Besides which if I hadn’t left when your boyfriend threatened me, I never would’ve met Regina.”

By now the four of us had stepped back, like spectators in some sort of rockumentary or Behind the Music special. Jessica giggled as she stepped closer, placing a hand on each woman’s shoulder.

“I once told these girls it’s a shame that Robin and Jennifer aren’t musicians because they have the kind of cohesion that’s almost required in this business. It takes a special kind of person to spend months of a year cramped up together on a tour bus without killing each other. Sure we get mad at each other, but can you honestly say you don’t love performing together?”

Kristen cracked a smile. “Yeah, I do love it. Ever since our old bassist went all prima donna and joined that rubbish techno group.”

“The one that’s still struggling to find a record label that’ll take their arses?” Moira teased. Lucia laughed.

“That’d be them. Anyway,” she nodded toward us. “I think we’ve bored you lot enough for one night, hey?”

Jennifer giggled, “Oh, don’t mind us.”

Jessica turned back to us, nodding toward the door. “Come with us. You’re about to experience the best part of being a rock star — the glamorous backstage retreat and paparazzi dodge. We’ll drop you off at your houses after Nikki’s had a chance to change.”

~* What Dreams May Come *~ “I was starting to wonder if I should come back later,” Katelyn offered as the three of us cleaned up the kitchen, mostly disposing of fast food wrappers and bags. “Sorry,” I started, but she shook her head. “It’s fine. I’m kind of surprised you didn’t tell your parents about me though.” “No, I told them. Back when I was dealing with Jason, Mom told me about his mom’s condition. She said that not everything is black and white, and she really encouraged me to give him another chance.” “Your Mom’s an amazing woman,” she answered quietly. “I didn’t know you almost lost her last summer.” “I’ve been through a lot just to get to be who I am. I guess that’s why I try so hard to get along with others. I know, I remember, what it’s like to be everyone’s target.”

---

I awoke in a strange and unfamiliar house. My vision and mind blurred from the sleep, my instincts told me I would be safe here. I crawled out of bed, remembering this was my new grandmother’s home.

“Good morning Robin,” the elderly woman chirped as she appeared in the doorway. “Did you sleep well?”

I nodded as I approached her. I started to call her ‘Mrs. Rogers’ until I remembered our conversation the night before. “Like a log, Gram,” I answered with a light giggle. “Something smells good.”

~*~

“Robin this is my boyfriend Jim. Jim this is my cousin, Robin.” I shook Brianna’s boyfriend’s hand, and he smiled, the kind of smile I just couldn’t read. Still, he was my new seventeen year old cousin’s boyfriend, so he should be harmless.

“We were just heading out to the lake if you want to come too,” he offered. Brianna grabbed my hand excitedly.

“Please? You don’t want to be stuck inside all day.”

~*~

I walked out onto the pier and sat on the edge. While warm enough to wear shorts and a t-shirt, winter’s grip hadn’t relinquished so much that swimming seemed like a good idea. Still, I dangled my bare feet in the water. I suddenly felt someone’s presence beside me. I turned to see Jim, with Brianna nowhere in sight. His gaze followed my curves up to my face, and he smiled. I looked away, but as I did, I felt his hand lift my chin, turning me to face him, and he kissed me.

I’m sure that Brianna would have enjoyed the passionate exchange. I nearly fell off the pier. It felt wrong somehow. I hated it, and I shoved him away. I burst into tears as I ran away. I must have run all the way back to Gram’s because I soon found myself with my back to her locked front door. I grabbed the phone and I called home.

“Nikki?”

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I want to come home,” I sobbed. “My cousin Brianna’s boyfriend… H-he kissed me.”

“You kissed a guy?!” she shrieked.

“No, he kissed me! Nikki, listen-”

But she’d already hung up. I sank to my knees, dropping the phone as I sobbed.

~oOo~

Tears stung my eyes as I sat bolt upright in bed. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and frantically punched in Nicole’s number.

“Hey cutie,” she answered warmly.

“Nikki, thank God,” I sobbed.

“Robin, what’s wrong?”

“I-I had a horrible nightmare. A guy, and-and you hung up on me!”

“Hold on. I’m coming over,” she answered immediately. I could hear her footsteps, heavy and fast on the stairs as she raced through her house. “What happened, exactly? In your dream I mean?”

“I dreamed I was visiting Ash’s family for Spring Break. A non-existent cousin talked me into going to the lake with her boyfriend, but when we got there, she was gone, leaving just me and him. I sat down on the pier, and he sat next to me. Then he…”

“Robin, what did he do?”

I could hear her car alarm shut off, and the car door slam.

“You shouldn’t drive while talking on a cell phone,” I mumbled.

She hesitantly sighed. “Okay, I’m going to let you go, but I’m calling Ally to check on you until I get there alright?”

I nodded numbly to myself. “Okay. Thanks Nikki. This is so stupid. I’m sorry.”

“It’s NOT stupid, Robin. Trust me on that. I’ll be right there, alright? I’m not just hanging up on you.”

I set my phone aside, wrapping myself in my robe. I needed to get ready for school, but instead stepped out of the room. I had no sooner reached the bottom step when both Allison and Kelly burst through the front door and raced to my side. Allison wrapped me in a hug as Kelly approached just behind her.

“That was fast,” I offered meekly. “I’m sorry for the trouble. I hate being like this.”

Allison quickly shook her head. “Robin, there are still nights when I wake up in tears. You have nothing to apologize for.”

Kelly wrapped me in a hug as she and Allison carefully guided me to the living room. As I sat on the sofa I explained my dream, adding at the end, “I know this sounds completely silly. It’s just, it felt so real. Everything felt so real. When Nikki — I mean, when the Nikki in my dream slammed the phone down on me, it was like someone cut my heart out. Oh Ally,” I buried my face in her shoulder. “Is this what it was like with Mark?”

She blinked, surprised at my question as she stroked my hair. I felt Kelly’s hand on my shoulder.

“What bothered you more, that your cousin’s boyfriend — real or not, kissed you, or Nikki’s reaction?”

I slowly sat up to stare at her. “I-” I started, but hearing the door open, I stood, just as Nicole shouted.

“Robin?”

“In here,” Kelly called back. Nicole sprinted into the room and threw her arms around me. I buried myself in the security of her embrace. Kelly stood, and Nicole took her place, gently putting me between Allison and herself. “I’m going to make some tea.”

“It’s okay. I’m here,” Nicole cooed.

“I’m sorry,” I whimpered. “It’s just a stupid dream. I shouldn’t let it get to me.”

She shook her head. “I tried to tell you before, dreams aren’t ‘real’, but the feelings they can cause are.”

With a pause, and a deep, calm breath, she glanced between the two of us. “I never told anyone this, but when I first moved here, when Bob and Gina took me in as a foster child, I had to be hospitalized just so they could make me take medicine to help me sleep. I wouldn’t take it otherwise. I didn’t want to sleep because I didn’t want to dream.”

Nicole cupped my face in her hands, and she smiled at me. “I know because I’ve been to those dark places.”

Allison peered over my shoulder at Nicole, a worried look on her face. Whatever her thoughts, she kept them to herself as she hugged me. “And I already told you about my bad dreams after the … ‘incident’ with that creepy guy last summer. Even with Barbara’s help, I still sometimes wake up crying.”

I sniffed as I nodded. The telltale whistle of a kettle from the kitchen suggested the tea would be ready soon. “It’s not just what he did. It’s the whole thing. He kissed me, and it made me feel … ‘wrong’ inside. I don’t know how to put it into words.”

Nicole smiled gently as she kissed my forehead. “It’s like being forced to write with the wrong hand?”

I nodded quickly. “Yes, exactly, only a lot worse. And then when I raced back to my grandma’s to call, you freaked out over me kissing a guy, and hung up on me. It felt like my heart had been ripped out and thrown against a wall.”

“Oh, Robin,” she sounded apologetic as she pulled me closer. I rested my head on her shoulder as a fresh wave of tears worked their way out.

“You’re not just my girlfriend. You’re one of my best friends. Even if someday we don’t feel the same way we do now, I’ll always love you, and I’ll never hurt you. Do you know why?”

I shook my head slowly. Kelly appeared in the doorway carrying a saucer with a steaming cup atop it. She knelt to offer it to me as Nicole continued.

“It’s because I know how much betrayal hurts. I didn’t dump Jason. He dumped me. In a way I guess I did betray him by staying with him, but it still hurt either way. For what it’s worth though, every single time I kissed him, I felt exactly what you did in your drea. I stayed with him because I thought that’s what girls did.” She hesitated.

“I remember the first time you kissed me,” I softly picked up as I accepted the herbal tea, taking a slow sip before continuing. “You said that there was no way I could be a guy because you wanted to kiss me from the moment you saw me.”

Nicole giggled under her breath as she nodded. “When I kiss you, it’s the most wonderful, euphoric ‘spark’. And I feel it every single time. It never stops feeling as wonderful as the first. Frankly you could shave your head and wear baggy clothes if you wanted, and I’d still love you because no matter how the outside changes, you’re you in here.” she placed her hand over my breastbone.

I felt Kelly squeeze my hand gently. “I’m going to go get ready for work. Are you going to be okay?”

I nodded quickly, handing my half-empty mug and saucer to Nicole as I stood. I threw my arms around Kelly’s neck, pressing my cheek to hers for only a moment. “I’ll be okay, I think. Thank you for coming to check on me.”

She smiled warmly. “That’s what big sisters do.”

Nicole and Allison followed me upstairs. Nicole still had my tea in-hand. She set it on my nightstand as I disappeared into my closet. “I know it wasn’t ‘me’ me, but I still feel like I should apologize for hanging up on you,” she offered. I poked my head around the closet door. She had her gaze cast down, with Allison wrapping her in a hug. I stepped closer to join them.

“The thing is, I think ‘her’ reaction was a reflection on me, on how I felt. It wasn’t just ‘wrong’, Nikki. I also felt like I betrayed you.”

“Even so,” she answered. Allison goosed her sides gently, causing her to jump right into my arms. Our lips met briefly, and she giggled, wrapping her arms around my neck as she rested her forehead to mine. “If you ever tell me a guy kissed you, my first reaction’s not going to be to yell at you. It’s going to be to knock his teeth down his throat.” She smiled demurely.

Allison giggled. “I need to finish getting ready for school. Robin, are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m okay now. For what it’s worth, I was just telling Mrs. Ellis last week that this is exactly why I’m glad I have you guys. With the way alliances and popularity are constantly shifting, I’m still learning what it is to ‘be’ a girl in high school. Without you and Jen and Nikki, I’d be lost.”

She smiled as she stepped closer, hugging us both. “I love you Robin. I’ve said it before, but you and Nikki are like sisters to me. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.” She smiled over her shoulder as she paused at the door. “Well, almost nothing. There’s just no way Nikki will ever get me to go goth. I look too much like a walking Barbie doll,” she teased.

Nicole giggled. “She forgot about those Heedless Despair dolls Jen makes in her spare time.”

~oOo~

School that day, and in fact, most of the rest of the week, progressed fairly normally. Katelyn refused to talk to Chelsea, but she stopped sneering at me in passing. We couldn’t find Allison at lunch Wednesday, out of character for her since she always ate with us, though Kathy managed to convince Elaine to fill the empty seat. Elaine’s tray only contained a modest salad and a fruit cup, but at least she ate all of it.

Thursday afternoon, an all-call across the school intercom went out, requesting that the girls’ basketball team convene in the gym, just after lunch.

“What’s going on?” Maria asked as Allison and I met up with her in the hall. I shrugged.

“No idea. I haven’t heard anything.”

Katelyn caught up to us a moment later. “I hope this isn’t about what happened with me and Chelsea. You know, skipping a game and all.”

Allison shook her head. “If it was something like that they would’ve just called you, Chelsea and Robin down. Coach Wilson wouldn’t humiliate you in front of the whole team like that.”

She gave a faint smile at that. “I guess you’re right. Oh, there’s Brittany,” she called. Brittany stopped, turning back to us at hearing her name. “What’s going on?”

Brittany waited for us to catch up to her before continuing toward the gym alongside us. “Don’t tell me you guys already forgot. Our varsity jackets arrived today. They were supposed to be done before basketball season ended, but there was a mix-up at the factory.”

“Yay,” Allison cheered. “What do they look like?”

“They’re the same as the other varsity jackets — purple body, gold leather sleeves, big ‘T’ on the front with accomplishment patch inserts, and a big Tiger on the back. Unlike cheer jackets ours will have our team number on the sleeve below our names too.”

“What kinds of accomplishment patches are there?” I asked. “I’ve never lettered in anything so this is all new to me.”

Katelyn stared at me with surprise. “Never? Who lit a fire under your ass this year?” Her words had a bite to them, but Maria had assured me Katelyn was trying, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

“It’s a really, really long story, but I’ll tell you about it sometime if you want.”

Katelyn grew silent at that, and Brittany picked up again.

“Accomplishment patches represent stuff you’ve been involved with in school. Like for me and Katelyn, we’re in choir, plus I’m a co-captain on the basketball team so mine will have a basketball and a Co-Capt. insert on the ‘T’, and I’ll probably put a metal varsity pin for choir somewhere.”

“Oh, that’s so cool,” I mused as we entered the gym, adding, “I didn’t even know you guys were in choir.”

Katelyn genuinely smiled. “I love music. My parents made me take piano lessons when I was little, but I learned to love it, and to love singing. It’s what drew me to Heedless Despair. I don’t think I ever asked if you guys are into music.” She turned her attention to Allison and me. Allison held up her left hand, showing off her rather impressive set of calluses on her fingertips.

“I play a little lead guitar, but mostly rhythm, and Robin plays some piano.”

“Only some?” Katelyn echoed with just a hint of curiosity in her tone.

“Yeah,” I answered simply as we rounded the corner into the gym. “I mean, Ally’s sister is teaching me a little, but unlike Nikki I just don’t have much talent for music.”

Katelyn snickered. “Oh please. Anyone can learn to play piano. Classical style takes years of practice, but non-classical is a lot more forgiving. I’ll bet I could teach you to play like a pro in an afternoon, assuming you can read simple notation. Are you busy Friday night?”

“This way, ladies; we just need to check that your jackets fit properly,” Coach Wilson interrupted.

I shook my head. “I have Kenpo in the evening, but I’m spending the night at my step-dad’s before the big cheer retreat. I’ll give you the address if you want to stop by. I have to ask though-”

“You’ll see,” she answered simply. Allison had a rather surprised look on her face as we were ushered into the girls’ locker rooms where Coach Greer stood chatting with a couple of older women. Coach Greer smiled as she turned to us.

“I’m proud of all of you. I know for most of you this is your first letterman’s jacket. Remember, these have plenty of space to add more patches for more achievements; just be sure to clear it with your respective coaches first.”

They went down the list of names in alphabetical order starting with Katelyn and working their way through the list. I’d thought the others would’ve gone back to class as each girl got her jacket, but they waited until the end, when Coach Greer called me forward.

I stepped forward to accept my jacket, inspecting the patch-work on the sleeve, where my name and basketball number had been embroidered. A basketball patch sat at the left bar of the Tiger ‘T’, and something I hadn’t expected on the shoulder of the other sleeve. In the same embroidered scrawl as my name, the word ‘Spirit’ in dark purple, contrasted the bright gold leather. I looked up at Coach Greer, who smiled as she shook her head. Coach Wilson did as well.

“We’re innocent,” Coach Wilson added, clearly fighting a grin. “That was your teammates’ idea.”

Brittany and Chelsea stepped forward. I think I surprised Brittany when, after slipping into my new varsity jacket, I hugged them both. Brittany smiled wryly.

“I know I was really hard on you before, but after what your dad did for me, I,” she paused, and Chelsea picked up.

“She wanted to do something to make up for it, so we brainstormed and came up with this; a custom patch so everyone will know why people keep screaming ‘Spirit’ when they see you,” she teased.

~oOo~

Friday evening marked my first Kenpo class since the wedding. I still wasn’t quite ready to take my driving test yet, so I hitched a ride with Nicole. She disappeared to track down a bottled water for me while I worked on my warm-up stretches.

“Hey Robin,” Ash spoke warmly as he approached. I had been in the middle of a modified stretch I learned from Sasha, but quickly leapt to my feet to hug him. I bowed a moment later.

“Sensei,” I added respectfully. He smiled.

“Given the circumstances, you can call me Ash during practice if it feels more comfortable.”

“Actually,” I started. “Well, I don’t really know how to say this. The others on the cheer squad have pretty much started calling you ‘Robin’s dad’ now.”

He let out a good-natured laugh at that, giving me cause to sigh with relief. “How did that come about?”

“It’s a long story. Basically it all started when Amy Lynn, one of the seniors, had to move. She didn’t have any family here she could stay with, so,” I went on to explain, while resuming my warm-up exercises, everything he had missed over the last few weeks.

“Sounds like you’ve been busy. I’m sorry things didn’t work out for your routine. For what it’s worth if anyone on the squad wants to learn real Kenpo, I have room in one of my beginner classes.”

“Thanks Sen- I mean Ash,” I corrected myself.

“By the way, whose yellow car was that sitting in your sister’s driveway?”

I giggled. “Oh, that’s-” I started, but remembering Nicole mentioned he helped finance the project. “Oh, very funny,” I teased. “Thank you for helping with that. You really didn’t have to do that.”

“Your grades are more than enough to get you into college even without your trust fund. I was happy to help.” He turned to walk away just as Nicole approached.

“Nikki? Are you okay?”

She nodded slowly as she handed me the water bottle. Allison came racing over a moment later. “Nikki, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for you to find out like this.” I blinked and turned to Allison. She shifted her gaze away, biting her lip.

Nicole shook her head as she turned back to Allison, giving her a gentle hug. “It’s okay. I’m not upset or anything, just kind of shocked. I’m sorry I walked in on you two like that,” she offered apologetically.

Allison’s cheeks burned as she stifled a giggle. “It’s weird. I didn’t want this, but I can’t help it. I just hope Jen’s going to be okay with it.”

I glanced between the two of them slowly. “What are you talking about?”

Allison turned back to me with a sheepish smile. “Sorry. Nikki just walked in on me … kissing Josh. I can explain though. At school Tuesday, I couldn’t get what you asked me out of my head, about how I felt about Mark breaking up with me. I never dated before, and being dumped like that hurt worse than I realized. I bumped into Josh as I left the girls’ room, and he could tell something was bothering me.”

Josh picked up where she left off, causing the three of us to jump. “We talked for awhile, and I took her out to the movies that night then out to lunch Wednesday. It wasn’t really a date. I just wanted to be sure she was okay.”

Allison nodded. She giggled under her breath. “Tonight was the first time we … I mean, nothing happened before then. We were just friends. I guess we still are,” she added, confused as she turned back to him.

He smiled as he nodded. “Just because Jen and I aren’t dating anymore, doesn’t mean I want to cause problems for her or anything. She’s a good person.”

Allison smiled as she leaned up to kiss his cheek. “You’re such a sweetheart. I’ll talk to her tomorrow about it, girl to girl. We’ve been friends too long to let a guy come between us.” She paused, biting her lip. “Even if he is an amazing kisser.” She giggled under her breath, her cheeks turning red as she walked away to find a place to sit.

“Sorry about all that,” Nicole offered sheepishly as she turned to follow Allison. Josh turned back to me.

“So is this a normal girl thing?” he asked as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I mean, I really was just worried about her, and the next thing I know we’re, well,” he fumbled. “It’s not that I didn’t enjoy it, and Allison is incredibly cute.”

“We’re a strange species. We’re constantly worried about how others see us. Ally’s obviously worried Jen will think she ‘stole’ you, especially after what happened with Katelyn.”

“Wait, who’s Katelyn?” he asked, even more confused. I shook my head slowly.

“Okay, let’s try this another way. Do you mind sparring with me?”

He bowed and fell into a fighting stance. I followed suit, lunging forward as I explained the situation. “Ally likes you, obviously, but because you and Jen were dating, she’s worried about hurting Jen. She’s going to talk to her about it.”

I thrust a fake punch which caught him off-guard, moving in for the kill with a low sweeping kick. He leapt, just barely dodging, and retaliated with a soft strike to my stomach.

“So what happens now?” he asked. I shifted to the side and stepped in, grabbing his arm and using his momentum as he attempted to dodge to throw him. I smiled as I offered my hand to help him back to his feet.

“That’s up to them now. It’s going to depend on how mutual your breakup was, and whether Jen still has feelings for you. Sorry about that.”

He laughed as he stood. “Don’t be. That was a pretty good move. Listen, Robin, I,” he hesitated a moment, “Thanks. I believe Ally when she says she didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I feel the same way. I mean, she just broke up with Mark a few weeks ago and all. I still sent Jen flowers for Valentine’s Day just because I felt bad about the timing. He didn’t even have the courtesy to do that.”

I couldn’t help giggling. “You really are a sweetheart. I’m sorry things didn’t work out with Jen, but,” I glanced over at Allison, sitting with Nicole and Maria, giggling to themselves. “Maybe things with Ally will be different.”

~oOo~

Since Allison wanted to get a ride home with Josh, Nicole and I decided to go out and get a bite to eat before we headed back home. ‘Home’ normally meant Margie’s, but tonight it would be bonding time with Mom and my new step-dad, so we made sure to get an extra order for them, as well as for Katelyn, in case she came over after all.

I nervously fidgeted with the drinking straw in my cup as we neared Ash’s street. Victoria only lived a few blocks away, and Jennifer lived within walking distance, so it wasn’t as though I was staying in a completely different town.

I spotted my car sitting in the driveway of an amazing house. I’d never actually been to Ash’s, and didn’t really know what to expect; it easily rivaled Victoria’s. A small red bicycle sat leaned against the house.

Nicole perked up as she saw my car. “Oh, that must be it.”

“Yeah, I asked Mom if she could move it for me since I just got it insured this week, and I’m still not allowed to drive by myself until I have a few more hours behind the wheel.”

“Sometimes I forget I’m the only one that’s been driving since the age of thirteen,” Nicole giggled to herself as she pulled into the drive.

I grabbed the extra drinks, careful not to spill anything on my new jacket, while Nicole bumped her door closed with her backside, waiting to walk me to the door. Ahead, the front light switched on and the door opened. Mom stood smiling just inside the doorway.

“There you girls are,” she called cheerfully as she reached out to take some of the load we were carrying. “Oh, you brought dinner too?”

Nicole giggled. “Sort of a housewarming gift.”

Mom laughed as she turned to step into the living room, leading us through to the kitchen. While much larger, the layout reminded me a little bit of our home back in San Francisco; it even had a door to the kitchen on a hinge that caused it to swing closed on its own.

“Ash should be here soon. Your friend Katelyn’s been here about thirty minutes,” she trailed off, turning back to stare at me.

“Robin? Is that what I think it is?”

Nicole giggled as she elbowed me lightly, and replied in a stage whisper, “She means your jacket.”

“Oh!” I did a quick spin. Mom rushed over to hug me.

“It’s gorgeous. Robin I’m so proud of you!”

“Thanks. I’m really proud of it. The people that run the concession stand put part of the proceeds toward our jackets this year, so we only had to pay like, thirty dollars per girl. Oh, check this out,” I turned, pointing to the ‘Spirit’ on my sleeve. “The girls on the team did that for me.”

I could faintly hear water running just off from the kitchen, and Katelyn stepped out of a small alcove-sized half-bathroom a moment later as Mom asked, “Spirit? Your camp name?”

Nicole giggled as she retrieved our burgers from the fast food bags. “Everywhere we go, every time someone from camp recognizes her, they scream ‘Spirit!’”

I waved Katelyn over. “Hey, glad you could make it. We brought dinner.”

“Aw, thanks,” she answered in a slightly warmer tone than I’d come to expect.

We sat down at the dinner table, and my mother did something she hadn’t done in years. She gently bowed her head, and she said grace. Nicole and I shared a surprised glance, but she reached under the table to squeeze my hand, and I took my mother’s.

~oOo~

“I was starting to wonder if I should come back later,” Katelyn offered as the three of us cleaned up the kitchen, mostly disposing of fast food wrappers and bags.

“Sorry,” I started, but she shook her head.

“It’s fine. I’m kind of surprised you didn’t tell your parents about me though.”

“No, I told them. Back when I was dealing with Jason, Mom told me about his mom’s condition. She said that not everything is black and white, and she really encouraged me to give him another chance.”

“Your Mom’s an amazing woman,” she answered quietly. “I didn’t know you almost lost her last summer.”

“I’ve been through a lot just to get to be who I am. I guess that’s why I try so hard to get along with others. I know, I remember, what it’s like to be everyone’s target. Anyway, my keyboard’s upstairs. I’ll warn you now though, my new bedroom’s pretty bare. I haven’t had a chance to decorate yet.”

Nicole smiled as she pulled me into a hug. “I should get home. You guys have fun. And call me before you leave for cheer camp, okay?”

Katelyn sheepishly turned aside as Nicole and I shared a brief kiss. I hugged her close and smiled as I whispered, “Sweet dreams, vampire.”

“G’night cutie,” she giggled as she turned to skip out.

“New bedroom?” Katelyn echoed, as if to pretend the whole scene never happened.

“Sorry about that,” I offered. “I forget not everyone’s used to seeing me with Nikki.”

“It’s okay, really. I mean, yeah, at first it was kind of weird, but you’ve been really cool about it. It’s not at all what I expected. I mean, you don’t hang around the showers and stare or whatever. You’re just another teammate, you know?”

“Just another girl?” I teased, causing her to crack a smile. I turned to start upstairs. “Anyway, I’ve been living with my half-sister since June.”

“Oh, hang on, I forgot something.” She turned to head back downstairs while I continued into my room. Unlike my bedroom at Margie’s, my new room had polished hardwood floors with simple white walls. The bed, approximately the same size as my old bed, had new sheets and a comforter, though with my laptop downstairs and my keyboard set up under the large window, there wasn’t much else.

I sat at the padded bench and started to play while I waited for Katelyn, a pretty simple accompaniment version of John Lennon’s Imagine. An incredibly beautiful Soprano voice picked up the lyrics. I looked over my shoulder, and I had to smile seeing Katelyn standing behind me, holding a folder with a few sheets of music peeking out the side.

Imagine there’s no heaven.
It’s easy if you try.
No Hell below us.
Above us only sky.

When I stopped, she sat down beside me, staring silently at the keyboard for a moment. “I love that song. Did someone put you up to this?” she asked, though not accusingly.

I shook my head. “It’s a song Kelly’s been teaching me. I can play the basic accompaniment, but I still fumble the right-hand part.”

She set the folder on the floor beside her, pulling out a single sheet of paper. Unlike most of the music Kelly had been teaching me from, this piece only had the treble clef and some chord markings. She placed it on the sheet music stand, turning to me.

“You said you can read standard notation, right? Every Good Boy Does Fine and FACE? What about chords?”

I nodded. “I’m not very fast. I still have to count the lines, but I’m getting better. I know some major chords, but I’m at a loss after that.”

She giggled. “The secret to a lot of piano playing is what’s called a lead sheet. When you play something note-for-note treble and bass clefs in classical style, you’re just playing an arrangement of the piece. I’ve had six years of lessons so I’m not knocking it at all, but when you play from a lead sheet though,” she placed her hands on the keyboard, and with an intermittent rhythm and a few simple chords, had an amazing jazz-sound coming out of the old speakers of my electronic keyboard.

“You’re making your own. It’s not just jazz either. It’s Blues, Rock, and it even works for traditional stuff. It’s like a guitarist strumming chords, only without the ugly calluses.” She smiled as she stood. “Here, try it out. Just play the chords as they’re listed on the sheet, and I’ll sing the melody.”

As I played a simple two-beat rhythm to the chords she began to sing.

The water’s wide. I cannot get over,
And neither have I wings to fly.
Build me a boat that can carry two,
And both shall row, my love and I.

I stared blankly up at her. “Katelyn, that’s… that’s incredible.”

“Don’t get too excited. It still takes some work to figure out what chord style sounds right for each song, but that’s what makes being a musician fun — not repeating dots on paper, but interpreting it and making it your own.”

I shook my head as I stood. “I’m not talking about my playing. I’m talking about your voice. I had no idea you could sing like that.”

Her cheeks flushed a brilliant crimson as she turned away. “I told you the other day that I’ve been singing for years. I really want to take classical training, but to do that I’d have to get a part time job. Double the schedule, double the stress.”

“I hear that,” I answered simply. She laughed.

“Terrible pun, but you’re right.” Her gaze slowly shifted back to me again. “I didn’t realize that you and Chels are going through the same stuff I am, until Maria told me you quit the paper.”

“For what it’s worth, I’m kind of jealous now,” I teased. “You have an incredible voice. I could never do what you do.”

She smiled at that. “I guess everybody’s good at something. Here, I have a more modern piece I wanted to show you,” she added, turning to kneel beside her music folder again.

“Have you thought about teaching piano? I mean, for money?”

She slowly stared up at me as I sat again. “I don’t know if I’d have the time, but maybe a couple of hours a week on Saturdays. Tutors do make pretty decent money. Thanks Robin,” she offered as she stood, placing the next piece of music on the stand.

“No problem. Just work out how much you want to charge, and I’ll pay you Monday.”

“What? No way, this is just-” she hesitated.

“Just what?”

She smiled sheepishly. “This is just something fun, between friends. I thought you had a piano teacher already?”

“Kelly and I have been talking about finding someone who’s more experienced. She only took lessons for a couple of years when she was our age. She wants me to learn from someone who’s had more exposure to technique and style. I think she’s interested in learning as well.”

“I see. Well, we’ll figure something out. Will you be here next week, or…?”

“At my sister’s. I’ll give you the address, and for what it’s worth, you’ll have access to a baby grand there.”

“Awesome,” she answered, barely fighting a broad smile. “This doesn’t mean I trust you.” Every single time she’d said that to me before, she had either been glaring or, at best, giving me a blank, emotionless stare. This time, she smiled, though I thought I saw a hint of sadness in her eyes. “I do feel bad about all this. I really liked Scott, but when I saw him with Chelsea right after he dumped me,” she sighed.

“But if I was wrong about you, maybe I was wrong about her too. I’ll … talk to her tomorrow morning before we leave. Maybe if I attend a leadership camp or something this summer I can even make Captain next year.”

“You know the Girl Scouts are always looking for new girls. One of the biggest impacts on my life was becoming a Counselor in Training at camp this last year.”

“Girl Scouts? You're kidding right?”

“You have all these girls looking to you for advice and to set the example. I mean, don’t get me wrong, there’s no way I’d try out for Captain, either for basketball or cheer, but it still helped me become a better person.”

“I’ll think about it,” she answered.

“As an added bonus, Coach Greer is our district’s organizer. She’s also the sister-in-law of the camp director, so you could score some brownie points.”

“I like the way you think. Now let’s get back to the lesson. I want to show you a few more neat tricks. I’ll still teach you classical style starting next week if you’re still interested, but classical and pop are different animals — both of them ‘right’ for different circumstances.” I turned to look over the new sheet of music, only now noticing the title.

“Beauty and the Beast - this is the song from the ballroom scene isn’t it?”

“Maria told me it was your favorite, so I checked my old files. All this stuff’s a Xerox of the originals so you can keep it, by the way.”

I couldn’t help it. I reached out to hug her. Much like with Jason, I only wanted to come out of this with my sanity intact. I never thought I’d find a friend, and a kindred spirit, on the other side.

~* Spring Break *~ Nicole smiled fondly as she leaned closer. We exchanged a brief, soft kiss before I rested my head on her shoulder, letting her hold me in serene silence. “I felt the same way. I’ve always been shy about relationships. I don’t even know how I ended up staying with Jason for so long, but the entire time I was at my rock camp, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Everyone thinks we’re too young to have these kinds of feelings.” She hesitated, as though she wanted to say more. “What is it?” I asked as I raised my head again. “I don’t know about you, but I stopped being a child a long time ago,” she answered softly.

---

Author's Note:
WARNING: This chapter contains an allusion to child abuse and the ramifications of that abuse years later. As is usually the case when I breach this subject, NOTHING explicit is mentioned, but given the sensitive nature of this subject, I want to state it upfront. I've also set the Rating to Mature-15 appropriately.

~Zoe

---

I knew that not many of our squad would be able to attend the cheer retreat, but I still didn’t expect so few. Only Coach Greer, Chelsea, Jennifer, Victoria, and Tracy, as well as Katelyn were waiting at the school parking lot when Mom dropped me off.

The sun had just begun to rise as I slung my backpack bulging backpack over my shoulder and approached Victoria and Jennifer. Chelsea and Katelyn stood off just out of earshot, talking quietly.

“Hey you,” Jennifer offered warmly as we exchanged a quick hug.

“Hey. Have you talked to Ally?”

She smiled at that and nodded. “About Josh? Yeah,” she answered with practiced neutrality.

“And?”

“We’re no longer on speaking terms,” she answered simply.

“What?”

She started to giggle. “I’m kidding! She called me last night, and we had a really long talk, not just about Josh, but about a lot of things.” She glanced toward Chelsea and Katelyn, smiling as she turned back toward me. “I guess it’s partly my fault for never really talking about why Josh and I broke up. I really like him, but not ‘like’ him like him, you know? He’s a sweet guy, and a great friend, but there just wasn’t any,” she trailed off.

Victoria perked up. “Spark.”

“Yes, exactly; if they’re happy together, then I’m happy for them. Besides, he sent me the sweetest card and flowers for Valentine’s, not to win me back, but,” she paused and giggled, “Because he felt guilty about the timing. I know he’ll treat her right.”

“Ready girls?” Coach Greer asked as she approached us. Victoria nodded.

“Just waiting on Chelsea and Katelyn. I don’t know what happened, but they’ve been like that for awhile now.”

As if on cue, the two embraced, and after Chelsea gave Katelyn an acknowledging nod to whatever had been said, they both turned to approach us. Katelyn pulled me into a hug now, whispering a ‘thanks’ before turning to Coach Greer. “So are we like, taking a bus or something?”

“I thought about renting a short bus,” Coach Greer teased, “But I didn’t want to give anyone cause for tasteless jokes. Victoria and I will be taking our cars.”

~oOo~

The camp was much as I remembered it. Rather than finding our cabin assignments though, Coach Greer advised that we needed to find the central pavilion, which wouldn’t have been difficult anyway, considering the slow, steady trickle of girls (and boys) from other schools around the region along the main path.

We had no sooner stepped onto the pavilion proper though, when Rachel, and about a half dozen others, shouted “SPIRIT!” A chorus of giggles followed both from her friends and mine, as Jennifer and I both raced to meet her.

“Hey!” she practically cheered, catching me in a hug first. “I thought we might see you guys here.”

“Are you kidding? Our cheer coach is Director Meredith’s sister-in-law. We’re practically obligated,” Jennifer teased. “Have they given cabin assignments yet?”

“Not yet. Since there are some squads with guys, either as part of the squad or as mascots, they’ll probably do ground rules first, but it’s just a formality.”

We mingled a little with the other squads while waiting for Meredith and the collection of coaches and instructors to get organized. By the time Meredith blew her whistle to get our attention, most of us had already found a place to sit.

“Welcome to the first annual Connecticut Regional Cheer Retreat.” She paused, waiting for the chorus of enthusiastic cheers and applause to die down before continuing. “Let me get the obvious out of the way first. Yes, this is normally a girls’ summer camp, but don’t worry, you boys won’t catch cooties.” She chuckled to herself as she smiled.

“All kidding aside, cabins are rock solid and air-tight, and beds are what you would expect at a college campus. It’s not pretty, but it’s not sleeping on a rock either. Shower facilities are available, and we have a full volunteer staff in addition to instructors and trainers should you need anything. Since this is a retreat, and not a camp, electronic devices are allowed, for those of you that have been here before.”

She stepped aside as a woman in her mid-twenties stood to introduce herself in an all-too-perky tone. The introductions and discussions of activity structure went on for about twenty minutes, after which we were given our cabin assignments. Since there were only six of us, we were given our old CIT cabin thirteen, much to Jennifer’s and my amusement.

“Hey, who’s this?” Katelyn asked. Crystal’s portrait still sat in the window where we had left it. Unlike our last visit, someone had clearly been taking care of the cabin since camp. A small ring of fresh flowers had been left beside the picture as well. Jennifer smiled as she approached.

“That’s Crystal Grace. She was one of the sweetest, kindest girls you could ever know.”

“Was?” Katelyn frowned. “What happened?”

“It’s a long story,” I offered gently, as I set my backpack down. “The camp wanted to pretend her death never happened. The higher-ups believed it was best for everyone involved.”

~oOo~

Following our first instructional session that day, we had about thirty minutes of free time, and I found myself walking down by the lake. The water had risen from the excess rainfall, though it still felt as calming, and as peaceful as when I had been there last June. As the pier came into view though, something felt ‘off’. I stopped beneath an ancient, gnarled tree, staring at the pier. I suddenly remembered my nightmare. This was where it had taken place.

“Hey,” a slightly older female voice called from behind me. I turned to see Nurse Brianna smiling back. “Robin, I thought it was you. You forgot to come see me about your allergy medication,” she teased. ‘Allergy medication’ had largely become something of a private joke between those who knew I took hormone replacement as part of my transition.

I smiled meekly as I wrapped her in a hug. I recognized her, or at least a younger version of her, from that dream as well. “You’re not dating a guy named Jim are you?”

She let out a surprised laugh. “I’m sorry?”

I shook my head. “Nothing. It’s just a stupid dream I had a few nights ago.” I turned back to the lake again, but smiled. “I guess my mind thought of this place because it’s special. You were my age, and my cousin, and dating some guy named Jim. And Jim kissed me when you weren’t looking.”

“That’s an interesting dream,” she offered as she rested her hand on my shoulder.

“More like a nightmare. The feelings it brought out … it was like the nightmares I had after I first started taking,” I paused, “allergy medication.”

She chuckled to herself. “Are you okay now, though? If there’s something you need to talk about,” she trailed off, watching me. I smiled as I shook my head.

“No, I’m okay now, really. I had a long talk with,” I paused again, inhaling slowly. She may as well know now that Counselor Dunham did as well, “with Nikki, my girlfriend.”

“Ouch. Now I see why it bothered you so much.”

I nodded, smiling wryly. “I’ve never kissed a guy, and I’ve never really wanted to. I think it was my mind’s way of answering the big question, you know? Both Jen and Ally are so, so ‘certain’ that they like guys. It’s just ‘right’ for them. I used to date girls because that’s what I thought guys did, but now, Nikki and I have been going steady since camp because it’s what we want. It’s what feels ‘right’.”

“If it’s what you want, and if it’s what feels right for you, then you shouldn’t let anyone else dictate otherwise. No one can know what’s in your heart but you. For what it’s worth though, I’ve never dated anyone named Jim, but I am married to a wonderful man named Carl,” she teased. I had to laugh.

“Nurse Bri? You rock. Oh, did Meredith tell you about my Mom?” I smiled brightly, genuinely, recounting the events of my leaving camp early last year as Nurse Brianna walked with me to the camp mess hall/cafeteria.

~oOo~

Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning were a great deal more intense than I expected, but we were rewarded for our efforts in improvements in both skill and, more importantly, squad communication. Even our stunting had improved. With theinstructors’ help, Katelyn and I both learned how to properly perform the ‘Liberty’ stunt, a one-leg stunt that required a lot of practice on the ground before either of us dared to try it in air.

Sunday afternoon, Victoria dropped me off back at Ash and Mom’s. I spent much of the afternoon with them just getting caught up and enjoying some family bonding time. Ash took me out for a highway driving lesson in the early evening, and Mom had dinner waiting for us when we got back home.

It was a picture perfect ending to a perfect weekend. I almost hated to leave them behind, with the whole spring break ahead of me, but I promised the others a camping trip, so early Monday morning, Mom dropped me off at Margie’s to give me time to prepare.

“Hey kiddo,” Margie called cheerfully from the kitchen as I stepped into the house. I had to laugh.

“How’d you know it was me?”

Kelly called back this time, “Because I’m in here, and Allison knew you’d be at Ash’s. How was the retreat?”

“Kelly, hey!” I cheered. I stepped into the room to find the two of them enjoying coffee at the kitchen table. Kelly smiled as she raised her mug in greeting. “Camp was awesome. I learned a lot, plus I got to catch up with Nurse Bri. Oh, and I found us a tutor.”

“Us?” she echoed. As it started to sink in, a broad smile crossed her lips. “Who is it?”

“Katelyn Derrick,” I answered with a giggle. “She came over Friday night and taught me some new tricks, but she said she’d come over next Saturday if I still wanted to continue learning classical style. I told her you might be interested too.”

“Allison mentioned you guys patched things up, but I wasn’t expecting this.”

“Me either, to be honest. It turns out we have a lot more in common than either of us realized. She’s really sweet once you get to know her. Did I miss anything while I was gone?”

They glanced at each other and Margie grinned. “Should I tell her?”

Kelly laughed. “She’s on a roll. Why interrupt it?”

“Okay, what are you two up to?”

Margie simply nodded at me. Suddenly a pair of hands covered my eyes. I squealed as Andrea cheered. “Guess who?”

“Bob, from accounting?” She laughed, goosing my sides. “Ack! Hey, no fair!” I giggled as I spun around to hug her. She smiled brightly.

“It is so good to see you again,” she offered. “I’m sorry about the problems I caused before.”

“It’s okay,” I offered. “How have you been anyway? I mean, I know you said things were getting better, but what happened with your guy friend?”

She started blushing. “I so didn’t want a relationship until I could get things, you know, ‘stable’, but Cupid had other plans. We’re not going steady yet, but he gave me this,” she held out her hand, bearing a simple silver pinky ring. “It’s just a ring. I mean, it’s not like a promise ring or anything weird, but it’s still sweet, and I really like him.”

“But?”

She pouted. “But… I’m scared Robin. I’ve been burned twice, watched my whole social status go straight to crap because my so-called friends thought I was a slut.”

“Wait, what?”

She exhaled slowly. “The pig-headed ass was spreading rumors about me being easy. That’s what started it all, and it just kind of went downhill from there. I guess I should have told you that before.”

“Oh, Andrea, I’m so sorry,” I offered as I hugged her. She smiled meekly.

“Thanks. I’m over it now. I’m going to a new school, and basically I got a fresh start. People ask about the scars,” she frowned as she slowly turned her wrists over as though she didn’t want to remind herself anymore than she wanted to remind me, “But most accept the ‘I fell’ excuse.”

“Well you always were a bit of a klutz,” I teased.

“Shuddap,” she shot back playfully, giggling. “So where is everyone?”

“Jen’s probably still vegging out after cheer camp, but she and Nikki are supposed to come over this morning. I was thinking about checking on Ally though. We sort of have a surprise for you, but only if you’re interested,” I added as I started for the door.

“A surprise? What is it?”

“Well, it’s been too cold to go camping since, like, September, but now that the nights are a little warmer, by Connecticut standards anyway, would you like to go camping? It’d just be one night, and the site’s not far from civilization.”

“You mean like, out in the wilderness, no phone, no lights, no motor car?”

“Not a single luxury,” I answered. She rolled her eyes. “It’s actually a lot of fun. Ally’s bringing her guitar, and like I said, we have tents and sleeping bags, so the cold won’t be that bad.”

“Okay, I’ll think about it,” she replied as we stepped inside the Jones’ house. Allison’s mother, Carol, poked her head around the kitchen doorway and smiled. “Hi Robin, I thought that might be you. Oh,” she paused for a moment, studying Andrea. “You’re, ah, Andrea was it?”

Andrea nodded. “Yes ma’am.”

“Oh, pah. Call me Carol, dear: any friend of Robin’s. Just make yourselves at home. Allison’s out in the garage taking stock of our old camping gear to see if anything needs to be replaced if you want to go on out. I just finished baking a fresh pan of blueberry muffins if you’re hungry, too.”

“Thanks,” I offered cheerfully. “They smell wonderful.”

Andrea giggled. “Okay, this block officially has the coolest Moms ever. My Mom doesn’t even know how to bake. We live out of a Chinese restaurant box most of the time.”

Carol wrinkled her nose at the thought, but didn’t say anything as Andrea and I made our way to the garage.

“Is that you, Mom?” Allison called. She had her head buried in a large storage container. “Mom?”

I brought my finger to my lips as I turned to wink at Andrea. Creeping closer, I carefully picked up the empty trash bin just behind and to Allison’s right, letting it drop with a loud thunk. She squealed loudly as she spun around.

“Jeez!” she giggled. Andrea held up her hands.

“I’m totally innocent. Well, mostly totally.”

“Uh-huh. So did Robin tell you? Did you tell her?” Allison asked in rapid succession.

“I asked her,” I answered simply. Allison’s face fell as she turned back to Andrea, but she received a smile in return.

“Oh don’t look at me like that. I told her I’d think about it. It sounds like fun; I’m just not sure if you really want me along. I’m not exactly an outdoor person.”

“Neither were Robin or Nikki,” she teased. “Actually, Jen isn’t really either, or at least not in the traditional sense. That’s what makes it fun. It takes you out of your element, but in a good way.”

As if on cue, someone banged loudly on the garage door causing both Allison and Andrea to squeal in surprise. We could hear Jennifer’s giggle from the other side and a few moments later, she and Nicole had made their way through the house to the kitchen entrance. Nicole raced to my side first, and I immediately turned to embrace her, though for the sake of our friends present we only shared a brief, chaste kiss. She grinned.

“Hey stranger, a little surfing bird told me you confronted your nightmare.”

I smiled at Jennifer for a moment before returning my attention to Nicole and nodding. “It’s like once I saw the lake, it put everything into context.”

“How’s that?” she asked. Allison quietly nodded toward the door with a sly smile, leading Andrea and Jennifer back to the kitchen.

“Remember at camp-” I started, but the whimsical smile that crossed her lips spoke volumes. She remembered. “The way the guy and I were sitting was exactly like how you and I were. I laid awake that night, wishing you had kissed me.”

“So your mind took that memory and like,” she cupped her hands, making a twisting motion, “Twisted it around?”

“Yeah,” I answered, blushing. “I wanted to be with you so much it hurt. ‘Being friends’ was killing me. This dream was like the polar opposite of it. That kind of explains why it felt so real, though.”

Nicole smiled fondly as she leaned closer. We exchanged a brief, soft kiss before I rested my head on her shoulder, letting her hold me in serene silence.

“I felt the same way. I’ve always been shy about relationships. I don’t even know how I ended up staying with Jason for so long, but the entire time I was at my rock camp, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Everyone thinks we’re too young to have these kinds of feelings.” She hesitated, as though she wanted to say more.

“What is it?” I asked as I raised my head again.

“I don’t know about you, but I stopped being a child a long time ago,” she answered softly. I couldn’t recall seeing Nicole cry more than twice since I’d known her, first when we first met, and again at her sixteenth birthday party. She buried her face in my shoulder as she clung tightly to me. I held her close, gently ushering her back inside.

Carol gave us a startled look. I smiled wryly back at her, simply leading Nicole into the living room. As I eased her down, Allison quietly entered the room carrying a box of tissues. She set them down and started to leave again, but Nicole’s hand shot out, like a cobra striking its prey, and latched onto her hand. Allison turned back to kneel, and Nicole turned to face her, trying to get herself under control again.

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed.

Allison quickly shook her head. “There’s nothing to be sorry for, but can I ask what happened?” She looked between us, confused.

“It’s my fault,” I offered softly, about to explain, but Nicole turned sharply to glare at me.

“This is not your fault,” she answered bitterly. “It’s HIS fault. That rotten bastard. I hate him,” she shouted.

“It’s okay Nikki,” I tried again as I squeezed her hand. “Let it out.”

~oOo~

I don’t think any of us expected what happened to happen. How could we have known all these years later that she still hurt so deeply? I felt horribly guilty for triggering it though. I hated that she hurt, and I hated that I couldn’t do anything about it even worse. Jennifer and Andrea slipped inside to help comfort her, and eventually Carol and Kelly as well. Nicole told us everything, in bitter, curse-laden detail over the next hour and a half. When she had finished, she slowly leaned in, squeezing me close.

“I’m sorry, guys,” she spoke softly. “I’ve just buried it for so long; I … thought I was over it.”

Kelly shook her head, “Nikki, sweetheart, this isn’t something you can just ‘get over’. I realize you’re strong. You’re probably the single strongest young woman I’ve ever met for being able to carry on this long, but there’s no shame in admitting you need help.”

Nicole smiled meekly at that. “I guess.”

“I have an appointment to see Barbara this Saturday. I don’t really have anything pressing to talk to her about though. Why don’t you come with me?”

Her smile broadened a little at that as she nodded. “Okay. I know I said no before, but I need to do something. I don’t want to let this crap rule my life anymore. I love you too much,” she added softly. I smiled as I lifted her hand, pressing my lips against her palm which elicited a soft giggle from her. “Hey, that tickles.”

“I love you too,” I answered. “And even though what I suffered is nowhere near your pain, I do understand what it can do to you. Like your relationship with Jason, mine with Andrea was a lie too.”

Andrea stood to kneel next to us, taking both our hands and sandwiching them together between hers. “Yes, but I was using you, too. You were at least nice to me. That’s why I ended up trying to date another girl. I wanted, needed to see if it was just you.” Her cheeks burned brightly as she shook her head. “But we all know how that turned out.”

Nicole stifled a small chuckle. “So um, I hope this doesn’t mean the camping trip is off because I could really use some downtime just us and the wilderness.”

Allison glanced at Jennifer, then back at us. “Hey, if you’re still up for it, then absolutely. I even found our old fishing poles, but it’s probably too early for any serious fishing.”

Andrea turned a shade pale as she looked back at Allison. “Fishing? But don’t you have to, like, do stuff to make them edible?”

Allison giggled. “Oh, I always catch and release. Yeah I don’t ‘do’ cleaning. The only fish I eat comes in a basket at Long John Silver’s.”

I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped at Andrea’s relieved sigh.

~oOo~

We had ultimately decided to stick to just camping for that trip. After Allison returned from the sporting goods and grocery stores, we delegated packing responsibilities, and by noon we were ready to head out. Of course, there was no way Andrea’s designer sneakers would survive the trip, so Allison loaned her a pair of hiking boots.

We set out from the Jones’, following our old, familiar hiking trail. As we walked along, conversation drifted from nothing in particular to nothing of importance, occasionally interrupted by the odd squirrel just coming out of hibernation. When we came within view of what was once the old stream, however, we all came to an abrupt stop. The gentle summer brook that we knew and loved had risen well above where it was last summer.

“See that tiny rock poking over the surface in the middle, there?” I asked, glancing at Andrea. She nodded. “That’s where we had our first picnic, when Ally invited Nikki and me to join the scouts.”

“But how did you get way out there?”

Allison giggled. “That’s just it. The creek’s out of its banks, probably from snowmelt. We’ll have to find higher ground for safety’s sake. One good rain and we’d be swept away.”

Andrea turned a shade pale, but I gave her a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry, Ally and Jen know these woods. Ally was on the SAR team that found me when I got lost out here.”

“SAR?” she echoed.

“Search and Rescue,” Jennifer answered with a smile. As we pressed forward, following the water upstream in search of a suitable campsite, Allison related the one story Andrea never heard, about how exactly I ‘became’ Robin. Andrea listened with childlike wonder. She had really changed since last year, no longer the shallow, callous hag I once thought her to be. In an ironic twist, we were more alike than we realized; both too insecure to be ourselves.

Eventually we found an area with a sloped bank where the stream-turned-river would be unlikely to get washed over barring an absolutely torrential downpour, and we started to set up our camp. Off in the distance, we could hear a motor tearing through the woods. Jennifer chuckled.

“Just an ATV; it’s probably someone who had the same idea we did, or it could be Wildlife Conservation. Just keep alert, and we’ll be fine,” she mused, driving the final tent stake into the ground.

Sure enough, just as we had begun to arrange our firewood amidst a circle of river stones, the ATV rolled to a stop. Its rider was an average-sized man wearing olive drab colored trousers, rugged hiking boots, and a dark green jacket. Even if the patch on his shoulder hadn’t identified him as a forest service ranger, the iconic ‘Smokey the Bear’ flat-brimmed hat gave it away.

“Afternoon girls,” he offered cheerfully.

“Hi there,” Allison responded in-kind. “Is there something we can do for you?”

“I was about to ask the same,” he answered. “Do you have an adult with you?”

I shook my head. “No, sir. Most of us are trained Girl Scout CITs though.”

“Oh,” he answered, letting down his guard slightly. “Well, that’s certainly different. I made Eagle myself in the Boy Scouts back in the day. I was going to warn you about the stream being out of banks, but I can see you’ve already taken that into consideration, and you don’t have any fishing gear, so there’s no need for a license check, so I’ll just let you get back to it. Have fun, but be safe.”

He smiled as he waved, turning to return to his vehicle. Within a few seconds, he sped off into the woods again.

“Well that was weird,” Nicole mumbled. Andrea nodded.

“Very.”

Allison chuckled. “Nah. I’ve seen him before. My family used to camp out here a lot back before Dad got a promotion. I’m kind of hoping I can talk them into going again though. Dad needs to unwind sometimes too.” She picked up her guitar just as Jennifer pulled a small book of matches from one of our knapsacks and struck one, tossing the lit match into the kindling.

“So any requests?”

“Rock Lobster,” Andrea joked. Allison shot her a grin and started playing.

I sat down beside Nicole as Jennifer passed out the marshmallows, and she smiled back at me, leaning in to rest her head on my shoulder.

“Thanks Robin,” she whispered.

“For what?”

“For being you, for catching me when I fall, and for helping me realize it’s okay to ask for help.” A singular, glistening tear rolled down her cheek, but she still smiled despite it. “I’m kinda looking forward to talking to your shrink, if you can believe it.”

I smiled as I kissed the top of her head. “Thank you for trusting me,” I whispered back. “Are you okay, though?”

She shook her head slowly. “I haven’t been ‘okay’ for a long time, but I finally feel like maybe I will be. Like I said, I really needed this trip, just to get away from everything. I’m not going to have another breakdown; at least, not if I can help it,” she added with a wry smile, “But the sooner Saturday gets here, the better.”

She gave me a reassuring smile as she snuggled closer, poking her marshmallow-on-a-stick into the fire to roast the sugary treat, and I wrapped my arm around her, slowly running my hand through her hair. I didn’t know what else I could say, or do, so I resolved myself to enjoying the silence that had fallen over our little group, excepting of course, Allison’s guitar.

~* Healing Hearts *~ “We’ll head back to civilization tomorrow morning.” She smiled meekly back at me at that. “It’s not that.” She slowly stood, walking around the fire to sit on the ground beside me, though she continued to stare into the leaping, dancing flames. “There’s something I wanted to ask you for a long time now, but I’m scared.” “Of what?” “Of how you’ll react,” she answered.

---

Nicole and Allison had been the first to turn in that night, followed by Jennifer. Andrea and I sat opposite each other in still silence. The expression on her face suggested she wanted to say something, but she remained silent. As I carefully poked our campfire, I broke the silence.

“We’ll head back to civilization tomorrow morning.”

She smiled meekly back at me at that. “It’s not that.” She slowly stood, walking around the fire to sit on the ground beside me, though she continued to stare into the leaping, dancing flames. “There’s something I wanted to ask you for a long time now, but I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“Of how you’ll react,” she answered. “I mean, I’ve learned to accept you as Robin. It even makes so much sense in retrospect,” she paused, letting a hint of a smile tug at her lips. “But I still don’t understand.” I carefully wrapped an arm around her waist, and she leaned closer, tilting her head to rest against my shoulder.

“So what do you want to ask?”

“Promise you won’t get upset?”

“I promise.”

“Okay then. You’re a cheerleader now. You’re a Girl Scout, you lettered in Basketball. You live this amazing life, and you’re surrounded by awesome friends,” she paused, glancing at the tent where Nicole had disappeared to earlier, “And a girlfriend that loves you. How did you… I mean,” she hesitated.

“How did I get so lucky?”

“Yeah. Things are better for me, but I would give anything to have a life like you have here.”

“It’s not all roses, Andrea. I’ve had to deal with people hating me just because they think I’m perfect, that I have it so together. I’ll let you in on a secret.” She glanced slowly from the fire to look me in the face. I smiled. “There have been times when I’ve cried myself to sleep because I can never have what you have, what Nicole or Jennifer or Allison have.”

“I don’t get it,” she answered, shaking her head slowly.

“I am a girl. I’ve always been a girl, but my body is ‘wrong’, and it’s forced me to come up with creative solutions to cope with that. There’s also the risk that if somebody finds out, that I could be a social outcast again. It’s not something I think about a lot, but it still comes up sometimes.”

“How do you … I mean, those cheer skirts are really short.” Her cheeks flushed a brilliant crimson.

“I’ll do you one better. I’ve been seen in a bathing suit too.” I waited for her jaw to drop before I continued, “But only the one time at camp, with the girls, myself, and one other girl who never took swimming lessons. Back then medical adhesive and a wrapped towel worked well enough outside the water, but I need to figure out a better solution, not just for camp next year, but like you said, those skirts are super-short.”

“So why do it, knowing you could get caught?”

“Because this is who I am. I can either pretend to be a guy, and be totally miserable the rest of my life, or I can be myself, and deal with the consequences of that. I try to plan, to make sure there aren’t any such consequences, but I live every day knowing I could be outed if I’m not careful.”

Andrea stared at me for what felt like an eternity. Finally she wrapped me in a hug and kissed my cheek before settling back against me again with a tired sigh. “I couldn’t live with that. Not with all the other stuff on top of it.”

“Barbara, my therapist, has been a lot of help. Andrea?” I glanced back at her. She had closed her eyes already.

“Mmm,” she answered softly. I smiled as I gently roused her enough to help her to her feet, guiding her into one of the two cabin tents. Allison shifted in her sleep as I lay Andrea down on one of the sleeping bags and carefully covered her up. I found Nicole standing by the fire when I stepped out again. I stepped closer to wrap her in a hug, which she accepted with a grateful smile.

“I heard what you said to her. Is that really true? You’re afraid of being found out?”

I nodded simply. “It’s just something I’ve learned to cope with.”

“You should’ve said something before. I guess I’m just so used to you looking and acting like, well, you.”

“I never figured there was anything that could really be done. I want to have my body corrected, but I can’t do that until I’m eighteen.”

After a moment, Nicole’s lips curled into a thoughtful smile. “Why not talk to Kelly about all this? She’d understand better than anybody. Even though she didn’t get into athletics she did go to prom and stuff. I’m sure she has some ideas on,” Nicole paused briefly, bobbing her head, “Y’know.”

I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped as I pulled her into a kiss. “Nikki, you’re a genius.”

“I know it,” she responded cheerfully.

“No, really. I don’t know why I didn’t think of talking to Kelly before.”

She squeezed me briefly, returning the kiss before turning to return to the second tent. “I’m glad I could help. You should get some sleep soon. Y’know Ally’s an early riser when it comes to sleeping outdoors.”

I picked up our cooking pot full of river water, carefully pouring it over the fire then moving to join Nicole. She held the tent flap open for me, and, after we kicked off our shoes, we lay down in our sleeping bags side-by-side. Nicole stretched out on her side and smiled, leaning over to kiss me.

“Sweet dreams,” she whispered. I smiled back at her.

“Hey, that's my line,” I whispered back.

~oOo~

The next morning, we were roused from our sleep bright and early, not directly, but by the heavenly smell of Allison’s patented campfire pancakes. We spent the next hour after breakfast taking our time breaking down camp. Nicole wasn’t the only one who overheard my conversation with Andrea last night, though.

Just as we were about to leave, while Allison wandered off into the woods with the biodegradable toilet paper, Jennifer took my hand and pulled me into a supportive hug, whispering ‘Let me know how your talk goes.’ She smiled and turned to pick up her backpack as Allison returned.

I had already missed Kelly by the time we made it back to civilization, but Mom’s car sat parked in Margie’s driveway. Rather than joining the others at Allison’s, I naturally headed straight home.

“Mom?” I called.

“In here dear,” came her quick answer. I had sent my backpack on with the others since it contained the Jones’ borrowed gear anyway, so after I kicked off my hiking boots, caked with fresh mud from the trail, I set them outside, hurrying barefoot into the kitchen. Mom covered her mouth, stifling a giggle when she saw. Margie glanced up, shaking her head.

“What happened to your boots?”

“Oh, they’re outside. I didn’t want to track in mud. What’s going on? I mean, is everything okay?” Mom gave me a professional smile, unusual for her, as she stepped closer. She pulled me into a hug and kissed my forehead.

“Sweetheart, there’s something I need to talk to you about. You’re a very active girl, and I couldn’t be more proud of you, but,” she paused, seemingly to gather her thoughts. “Have you been watching the news recently?”

I shook my head. “Honestly I haven’t had time. Wait, someone didn’t find out about me did they?” My heart leapt into my throat, but Mom quickly shook her head.

“Oh, no it’s not like that at all!”

I breathed a relieved sigh as Margie stood to approach. “There’s been increased concern over young athletes’ heart health.”

“A young man your age suffered cardiac arrest after he won his team’s basketball game,” Mom offered softly. “I spoke with someone from the American Heart Association who assured me that this sort of thing is very rare, but after my own close calls, I’d rather be safe than sorry.”

“So what can I do? I don’t want to give up sports if I don’t have to,” I started, but Mom shook her head again, still smiling.

“There’s a test called an Electrocardiogram or EKG that can essentially detect many kinds of heart defects. I’ve already spoken to one of my colleagues at the hospital. She’s willing to perform the test at a greatly reduced cost for any student that’s interested.”

I thought about it for a moment before asking the obvious question. “Does it hurt? Because, I mean, getting stuck for blood work is bad enough.”

“No, it’s completely non-invasive. All they do is stick electrodes on your body and measure the electrical activity from your heart.”

“Well, my endocrinologist was pretty blunt about me not abusing my hormones because it’d do nasty things to my heart, so I guess I have two reasons to want to be sure I’m okay,” I offered. Mom’s features brightened as Margie gently squeezed her shoulder.

“I told you she’d go for it. You’ve raised a smart daughter.”

I could feel my cheeks burn as I wrapped them both in a hug. Nicole cleared her throat, and I glanced back to see her smiling as she leaned in the doorway.

“Sorry,” she offered. Margie giggled, motioning for her to come over.

“It’s fine. We were just talking about Robin’s athletic future.”

Nicole’s face fell, causing Margie and Mom to both start giggling. “Margie you’re terrible,” Mom teased, adding, “We just want her to have an EKG to be sure her heart’s in good condition.”

“Tell me you said yes,” Nicole practically begged as she raced to my side to hug me. “I heard about that poor guy, Wes something, on the news. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, but I didn’t know how to ask.”

Mom gave Nicole a knowing grin. “Part of the benefit of having an overprotective mother in the medical profession, you know. But it’s not just Robin. The hospital’s willing to see any students that are interested in being tested, at a greatly reduced fee. The hospital’s willing to do payment plans for anyone that can’t afford that, as well.”

“Cool. I’m sure Ally and Jen will want to, and with two cheerleaders agreeing, that’s pretty much the whole squad following suit. After my dad’s close call I don’t blame you guys for being cautious, either.” She smiled genuinely as she added, “Plus Robin’s helped me so much, I can’t not support her in getting herself checked out.”

At that, Mom pulled Nicole into a hug and kissed the top of her head. Mom and Nicole had, to date, never really been all that close. I got the sense that Mom just respected her personal space more than anything, but right now that didn’t seem to matter much. Nicole for her part had a surprised, but pleasant smile on her face as she hugged Mom back.

“What was that for?” she asked. Mom smiled wryly.

“I spoke with Carol. She didn’t say anything specific exactly, but,” she trailed off. Nicole slowly nodded.

“Nothing happened, for what it’s worth,” she answered. Mom gave her an odd stare.

“What are you talking about dear?”

“In the woods. Nothing happened.”

“Oh,” Mom shook her head slowly. “Nicole, honey, I trust you both. I was talking about what happened before you left.”

“Before we… Oh!” Nicole’s cheeks flushed as she covered her mouth, giggling to herself at her misunderstanding. “I’m sorry. I thought you meant… Um, yeah. I guess I did kind of make a scene yesterday. Robin talked me into seeing her therapist though. I don’t know how much good it’ll do, but I got to do something.”

Mom smiled warmly as she nodded. “If you ever need to talk to someone, and you just don’t feel comfortable talking to Gina or Bob, come find me, okay? I can’t promise I’ll have an answer, but I will show you the same love and support I give Robin.”

Nicole smiled at that. I thought I saw a stray tear roll down her cheek, but she covered her face for a moment, pretending to scratch her nose. After exchanging another hug with Mom, she grabbed my hand, pulling me toward the exit. “Anyway, we’re trying to decide if we want to go see a movie this afternoon, and we need Robin’s opinion.”

“Sure,” I offered, glancing back at Mom and Margie with a warm smile before returning my attention to Nicole. “Just give me a second to get my shoes.”

Nicole paused, looking down at my bare feet, and giggled. “Oh. Sorry, yeah, go ahead.”

~oOo~

The next few days passed blissfully uneventfully. I spent the second half of the week between Ash’s and either Nikki’s or Allison’s during the day while we discussed plans to remodel my new bedroom. We tackled a few minor issues like wallpaper as well.

Mom managed to get Jennifer and myself in for our tests Friday morning, and Allison had a scheduled visit for Saturday afternoon, which worked out since Nicole and I would be in New Haven anyway. I still didn’t have my license yet, but thanks to having access to a large number of driving adults, my time behind the wheel was quickly adding up now.

“So when do you think you’ll get your test results?” Nicole asked, breaking the silence that had settled over us. We had only just arrived within the New Haven city limits, and our appointment wouldn’t be for another thirty minutes, so we had time to spare.

“Probably Monday. The tech said they normally fax them, but for us, since both Mom and Kelly are both right there in the hospital, she doesn’t mind at least giving us ours directly.”

We rolled to a stop at a red light, and another momentary silence fell over us. I smiled as I squeezed Nicole’s hand. “I talked to Kelly at the hospital yesterday while Jen was getting tested.”

“Did you find out anything?”

I smiled further as I nodded. “I don’t really feel comfortable talking about details. It’s just too weird, but she gave me some good advice.”

Nicole smiled brightly as she leaned over to kiss my cheek. The car behind us honked its horn, causing her to jump. The light had turned green, apparently. She giggled as we continued on toward Barbara’s office. “Well, the important thing is that you’re comfortable with yourself and with what you decide you wanna do. Me? I’m a nervous wreck.”

“Oh, Nikki, don’t worry. Barbara’s a wonderful person. I’ve talked about you a lot, and how much easier this has all been because I’ve had you by my side.”

“You’re so sweet,” she offered softly.

With twenty minutes to spare, we rolled into the parking lot. I gave my lip gloss a light touch-up while she obsessed over her hair, finally reluctantly stepping out a few minutes later. I squeezed her hand as we walked into the office building together. Barbara had just approached the elevators herself with what looked like a fresh, unopened bottle of water. She immediately smiled broadly at seeing me, and I rushed over to hug her.

“Doctor Ketz!” I exclaimed.

“Hi Robin,” she answered. Nicole stood off to the side, awkwardly fidgeting. “How was the wedding, dear?”

“It was so beautiful. I brought copies of the wedding pictures to give you. Oh, Barbara Ketzowski,” I turned to motion for Nicole to come closer. “This is my girlfriend Nikki.”

Barbara smiled brightly as the doors to the elevator slid open. “Well hello there Nikki. It’s so nice to finally put a face to a name.”

“Likewise,” Nicole answered nervously as we stepped on the elevator together.

“Barbara, I was thinking… There’s not a lot that I want to talk about today. Would you be willing to talk to Nikki instead?”

Barbara shifted her gaze to Nicole with a gentle smile. “Of course I would. I’ve been expecting this for a long time now, after you sent your friend Trent to see me,” she offered in a playful tone, but continued to maintain that blend of a professional, yet reassuring smile of hers. The elevator doors slid open, and Barbara led us through the lobby to her private office.

“If you want I’ll wait outside,” I offered to Nicole. She immediately and very quickly shook her head.

“No, I want… I need you to be here with me. I can’t do this alone.”

I nodded as I gave her a gentle squeeze. I caught Barbara’s approving smile from the corner of my eye as I led Nicole to the familiar sofa, and we sat down together.

“Robin’s told me you had a rough life before you moved here. Now, everything she and I have discussed in the past is strictly confidential, and I want you to know the same applies for anything you and I discuss as well. The important thing is for you to understand I’m here to help you. We’ll only talk about things you feel you’re ready to discuss.”

Nicole gave a shaky nod. “I understand. I’ve been holding this stuff in for years though. I sort of had a breakdown a couple of days ago though. I’ve been letting what that monster did to me control me for years, but I," she paused. Barbara offered her a tissue, which she quickly accepted with her free hand, her other keeping a death-grip on mine.

“I don’t wanna hurt anymore.”

~oOo~

We covered a lot in that intense, two hour session. Barbara only stopped us once to buzz her secretary on the intercom, asking her to reschedule her next appointments so we could have more time. Nicole let it all out in the open, just as she had before.

She even allowed herself to cry, which I thought was a big step forward. For my part, I did what I could to support her. It was all I could do, really. Before we left that day, Barbara scheduled another appointment to see Nicole Sunday. As far as I knew, she never worked on Sundays before now.

I had forgotten about my piano lesson with Katelyn, so I was a little surprised to see her familiar bicycle sitting up against the Jones’ house. Nicole smiled as she leaned over for a kiss. “Go on. You’ve got a piano lesson to get to.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

She smiled broadly as she nodded. “Honestly, I’m better than I’ve been in a long time. Don’t get me wrong; I’m still very,” she hesitated, “’broken’, but now it doesn’t feel so oppressive anymore.”

“I love you,” I offered softly as I wrapped her in a hug. It wasn’t the usual admission of infatuation between girlfriends, but the caring and gentle response from one best friend to another. She choked up a bit as she squeezed me close.

“I love you too. Thank you so much, for everything.”

“I’ll call you tonight, okay?” I answered, kissing her softly. That, however, was a ‘girlfriends’ thing. She smiled as she nodded, settling back into her seat. She waited for me to get inside the Jones’ house before pulling away, and inside I could already hear the beautiful melodic sounds of someone playing Kelly’s piano. I was however, surprised to find Kelly herself at the bench, with Katelyn watching in awe from behind.

“I thought Robin said you only had a few years of lessons. I mean I can see where you could use improvement, but your playing is fantastic.”

“Aww, thanks. I put my whole heart into my practices when I was your age, but it’s been so long that I wanted to find a teacher for Robin that’s had more recent experience. You really put the fire in that girl last week. She couldn’t wait to tell me about how you taught her to play that song from ‘Beauty and the Beast’.”

Katelyn giggled, though her cheeks started to flush when I cleared my throat.

“Oh, um, Hi Robin,” she offered. Kelly giggled.

“Hey you. Listen, I’ve got to get to work, but the piano’s all yours for as long as you want.” She stood, stopping next to Katelyn, “I’ll let Robin know what my schedule’s like next week though so we can work something out. I’m really looking forward to working with you.”

As Kelly departed, Katelyn simply stared for a moment before turning back to me. “Is it just me, or is everyone you know really upbeat and friendly?”

I had to laugh. “Kelly’s awesome. When Mom had her accident, Kelly was there for me when no one else was. I didn’t even know she knew my sister Margie until after I moved here.”

“Wow, seriously? Oh, I brought some more non-classical stuff this week, but if you still want to jump in on classical training, we can pick up where Kelly left off.”

“Did you decide on a price point yet?”

“I was thinking of twenty-five dollars an hour. That’s maybe a quarter of what my singing lessons are going to cost me, but my Dad said that if I’m willing to put in the effort to pay for part of it, he’ll help pay for the rest. I just won’t be able to get a car until I’m in college,” she mumbled.

“I know someone who works on junked cars. You saw my new convertible last week, right?”

She nodded. “And I am so jealous,” she added, but teasingly.

“Nikki totally rebuilt it, buying used parts and fixing them up. I’m sure if you ask nicely she’ll do the same for you. No idea how much it’d cost though, or the kind of car she’ll find, but she loves muscle cars, so consider yourself warned.”

Katelyn giggled at that. “I’ll call her tonight. If we can work out a rough idea what it’ll cost, my parents just might consider it as a late birthday present. Anyway,” she motioned to the piano with a smile. “Shall we?”

~* Model Behavior *~ “Well, normally I would, but I’m having second thoughts for two reasons. One, the fact the characters are based, physically, on real teenagers — except for Psychic Strike. The fact that your friend Maria was able to pose for her meant I had to make some character revisions, but the fans understood, for the most part, once they saw the posters.” “And the other problem?” “Aria Blade is transgendered. I’m worried about how the world at-large will accept that, but more importantly, I’m scared it might come back to hurt you.”

---

Monday began like any other day. I stepped out of the shower with still an hour and a half left before school, and after wrapping my hair in a towel and pulling on my bathrobe, I stepped out to return to my bedroom. Margie stood just inside, wearing a palpably innocent smile.

“’Morning Robin. How’s my favorite sister?”

“I’m your only sister,” I teased. “And I know that look. What are you up to?”

She mock-pouted, but giggled afterward. “I need a big favor. Well, I need two big favors. I’ve made some major progress on a possible new clothing line, but we’ve hit a hitch.”

“What kind of hitch?” I asked, even as I set about trying to decide what to wear for the day.

“Well, after what you told me about your Valentine’s Day, I know the style will go over well, but I’m a little concerned about how the clothes will look on a taller girl. I was hoping you might be willing to ask around school. I’ll pay them for their time, plus a modeling job will look great on any résumé.”

“Sure, I can ask Chelsea. You remember her right?”

“Chelsea… Is she the one that came over the other day? Or was that Katelyn?”

I giggled as I poked my head back around the corner of the closet. Margie had a puzzled expression on her face.

“Remember at my basketball games, that super-tall blonde who can touch the rim?”

“Oh!” Her face lit up with a broad smile. “Oh Robin, if you can talk her into stopping by she’d be perfect!”

“Totally. She’s my cheer co-captain so it’s no problem. Scheduling might be though. Do you have a whole lot you want her to try, or just a few things? Because if it’s just a few you could probably do it before cheer practice this afternoon, if you don’t mind driving me.”

“You still don’t have your license?”

I stepped out of my closet, holding up a top and skirt to compare in my full-length mirror as I shook my head. “Not yet. I’m going to take my test this week if I can find the time though. Between you, Kelly, Mom and Ash, I’ve been getting a lot better at not nearly sideswiping fire hydrants.”

Margie covered her mouth to fight her giggle. “Oh, it was only that one time, and you missed it by a whole five inches.”

She watched as I continued to discriminately stare at my current clothing options for another few seconds before stepping closer. “Can I make a suggestion?”

“Of course. I love this top, but it just doesn’t look right with this skirt.”

“It’s the color, sweetie. Taken with your hair color and complexion, I’d try something like this instead.” She reached into my closet, taking down a knee-length a-line skirt I’d forgotten I even owned. The pattern print, difficult to describe exactly, blended small navy ‘spots’ on a beige background to create a really neat effect. It was shorter than what I usually wore though, but then, if I’d be wearing a cheer uniform I needed to get used to ‘short’.

After dressing, I sat down at my vanity to work on my hair. Margie lingered close by, so I tilted my mirror back to catch her reflection. “Is everything okay?”

“Mostly okay,” she responded with a slow sigh. She stepped closer, taking my brush in hand and brushing out the back. I closed my eyes and leaned back, letting her work.

“What’s up? I was enjoying Spring Break and spending time with Ash and Mom so much we haven’t really had a chance to talk lately. Did you ever decide what to do about Aria Blade?”

“Well, that’s the thing,” she answered uneasily. “I got a phone call last night. The publisher is very interested in doing a full-length graphic novel of the entire Shadowcraft universe. They want to do a complete cover-to-cover retelling from Raven Wing’s beginnings through to the present.”

“Margie, that’s great! … Isn’t it?” I tilted my head back to stare at her. She had a reserved expression that I simply couldn’t read.

“The thing is they want me to be a supervisor on the project, leading an entire team of artists. I modeled the characters after you girls. I’m the only one that really knows what the characters are supposed to look like. These characters are my babies. It could mean nationwide distribution, but…” She stopped short. “I never expected my little side-project to get this far. It started as a web comic then people started e-mailing my dummy contact account begging me to publish, so I did. Now it could go nationwide.”

“So what’s the problem? Margie this sounds like the chance you’ve been waiting for. You should take it.”

“Well, normally I would, but I’m having second thoughts for two reasons. One, the fact the characters are based, physically, on real teenagers — except for Psychic Strike. The fact that your friend Maria was able to pose for her meant I had to make some character revisions, but the fans understood, for the most part, once they saw the posters.”

“And the other problem?”

“Aria Blade is transgendered. I’m worried about how the world at-large will accept that, but more importantly, I’m scared it might come back to hurt you.”

I thought about that for a long moment and finally frowned. “I never thought about it like that. I mean, nobody’s asked me about it at school yet, other than wanting to know how I got the modeling job for those posters you mentioned. Really, though,” I began as I stood to wrap Margie in a hug, “Aria Blade is also a superhero with these amazing sonic abilities, plus she can fly. I can’t even sing.”

Margie giggled. “I suppose you’re right. Are you sure you’d be okay with this, though? If I take this offer, it’s going to mean more modeling work for you. I don’t want you getting stressed out.”

“I guess it depends on the work. What do you need?”

“Just more pictures. We can get it done in an afternoon with Regina’s help. The publisher wants to put their advertising department behind it so there’s going to be a lot of paperwork involved. I’ve already taken the liberty of calling up Max since you seemed to like working with him before.”

“Wait a minute, what do you mean you called Max? Max Greenburg?”

She smiled as she nodded. “Unless you want to be a model for a living, in which case I’ll try and find you a proper agent. Max is going to handle your contract negotiations, licensing your image for use in the Aria Blade posters and cardboard cut-outs. I still need to speak with Ally and the other girls about all this.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I stared dumbfounded for several seconds. “You’re really serious about this aren’t you? This is so cool, but I really don’t know about it. I mean, I’m really not that pretty.”

“Oh yes you are. I’ll grant that you don’t look like a magazine supermodel, but that’s exactly what I was going for in the first place. And besides, they airbrush those models anyway. You don’t have to say yes right now though. I’d be worried if you did. I just want you to think about it. Talk to Nikki and the girls about it. Ultimately you can do as much or as little as you want, and Max and I will make the rest of it work. If you don’t want to do this at all, then I’ll redesign the characters’ appearances and get the publisher to find new models.”

“But you just said these characters are your babies,” I started, but Margie quickly shook her head.

“They are, but they’re still fictional characters. You’re my baby sister. You and your friends’ well-being and wishes come first, always. I don’t mind changing the characters’ appearances enough to distance them from you all if that’s what you ultimately decide you want.”

“I’ll think it over. One of the things that originally drew me to the comic was how much Raven Wing looked like Nikki. But the more I read it, the more I fell in love with all the characters. In a way, I’m really honored to be immortalized like this.”

~oOo~

“You want me to do what now?” Chelsea sputtered. Not only our lunch table, but the next tables surrounding us had also grown deathly silent as every ear strained now to eavesdrop on our conversation. I had dropped the ‘m’ word like some sort of hydrogen bomb, apparently.

“My sister Margie owns a clothing store, Touch of Style. She’s trying to launch a new clothing line she’s designed and aimed at girls our age, but she needs a tall model to show that the clothes will look good on girls of all height ranges.”

“I don’t know,” Chelsea mumbled. I’d never seen her so uncomfortable. “I mean, basketball and cheer are one thing, but modeling? I’ve always hated my height. I feel like a beanpole. The thought of being photographed just because I’m tall doesn’t really feel right.”

“But that’s just it,” Jennifer offered from the other side, as she reached out to place her hand on Chelsea’s. Chelsea looked up at the Polynesian girl, getting a bright smile in return. “Chels, you’re very pretty. There are a lot of girls just like you who feel self-conscious about their height. If pictures of a pretty, tall cheerleader modeling clothes that look awesome on her turn up in a few catalogues, they might start to feel less self-conscious about their height too.”

Kathy Mason, our mousy photographer friend, raised her can of soda as if making a toast before she took a sip, adding, “Everybody has something they hate about themselves. I’ve been struggling with my weight since I was little. I managed to shed twenty pounds last summer, but only because I jog five miles every single morning on the treadmill. I’m still way too short. I’d kill for your height.”

Chelsea blushed, finally starting to smile. “Thanks Kathy. I needed that.” She glanced back at me. “And you said you’ve already done it right?”

I nodded. “Yeah, both for her clothing line, and for a couple of posters. I’m no model, either, but with a good photographer it’s a lot of fun. Trust me, Margie knows a good photographer. I told her to stop by Victoria’s house this afternoon before practice, so she could talk to you about it directly. I hope that’s okay?”

“That sounds great. I was going to be at Victoria’s early anyway so we could hammer out more of our choreography. There’s a regional cheer competition coming up the first week of April. If we can have our routine ready by then, we can try it out on the judges and see what we need to do to improve before Nationals.”

“Wow, already?” Jennifer asked. “Jeeze, where did the time go?”

Chelsea giggled. “I know, right? I should’ve been working on the routine over Spring Break, but we decided since this might be Maria’s last semester, to take her to Disney World instead. What did you guys do for Spring Break anyway?”

~oOo~

Most of the day seemed to be pushing me in one direction or another, never giving me a chance to stop and catch my breath, or think too much about what Margie had said that morning. I needed to talk to the girls about what Margie had learned, but every chance I received, I quickly found yanked away, either by a teacher’s lecture demanding undivided attention, someone asking me about the new clothing line, or how I spent Spring Break.

As I put away the books I didn’t need to take home with me that afternoon, Nicole stepped up behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist. Immediately I recognized her embrace and leaned back into her with a relieved, relaxed sigh.

“So what is it?” she asked. I turned back to stare at her, she smiled and leaned forward to kiss me. “Don’t give me that look. Robin, you’ve been moping around all day. What’s wrong?”

“It’s not ‘wrong’ exactly. It’s just something big’s happening, and I’m a little scared.”

“Scared?” Allison offered as she and Jennifer approached.

“Come on, I’ll tell you about it over pizza — my treat?”

Jennifer and Allison looked at each other and grinned, the former adding, “You bought dinner last time we all went out together. This one’s on me. Just don’t fill up too much. You don’t want a heavy meal weighing you down when you’re doing a back handspring.”

~oOo~

I waited until after we arrived at the local pizza parlor before I began to explain everything that had happened that morning. I spared no detail, though I did considerably lower my voice when speaking of Margie’s concerns about Aria Blade being a transgendered fictional character, being based on me after all. Stacey’s older sister had just brought out our pizza when I finished. She smiled brightly.

“Robin, hey! I thought that was you. No cheer practice tonight?”

“We’re going over to Victoria’s after we leave here, actually. How have you been?”

“Great! This is my last week here. I finally made enough to get by the rest of the semester, and I qualified for financial aid next semester.” She glanced back at the counter, where a fresh pizza awaited its delivering. “Well, duty calls. Tell Victoria I said hello, will you? I haven’t seen her since she was a sophomore.”

As she walked away I picked up a slice of pizza and nibbled at it. “Max, Margie’s lawyer, is taking care of the paperwork. Margie says I can do as little or as much for the project as I want, and the bare minimum will basically be more pictures for the artists to work with.”

“Artists?” Nicole echoed, leaning forward. “So she won’t be drawing it herself?”

“That’s the thing. They want her to supervise a whole department. She’d keep the creative control like she wanted, but have the budget and support to distribute coast to coast.”

“This is so cool!” Jennifer squealed. “Count me in! I mean, I know the old Volcaness is going to be featured for most of her role, but with the new one modeled after me, I’m happy to help. Besides,” she paused, tearing into her pizza, “I need to get my foot in the door.”

Allison turned to her. “You want to model professionally?”

“Well no, not exactly. But I want to get into fashion design. I never realized how much fun it could be before I started making those neat Heedless Despair dolls. I posted a few pictures online, and the response was huge. I’m not going to sell them of course,” she added, “But it made me realize I might have a talent for this sort of thing.”

“I bet Margie would love to help out with that, or Jane even,” I advised. “But does that mean you’re giving up on studying marine biology?”

Jennifer giggled. “That’s just something I thought about because I love the water, but if I can be a jetsetter like,” she paused, emphasizing in a mock haughty tone, “THE Melissa Jane Evans,” she giggled, “flying home to Hawaii whenever I feel like it, that’s just as good. But I’m not shutting any doors. I’m just saying, if I can get a foot in the door that’s what I’ll do. I’m still going to college after high school.”

~oOo~

Margie’s car sat parked in front of Victoria’s house when we arrived for practice. Nicole and I exchanged a brief goodbye kiss and a hug before she pulled away to give Allison a ride home, meanwhile Jennifer and I headed up the front path. Victoria’s mother Liz opened the door as we stepped closer, motioning for us to come inside.

“Hi girls; Coach Greer called ahead and said she would be stopping by shortly. Make yourselves at home as always.”

“Thanks Liz,” we answered in unison, giggling at the odd stare we got in return as she shook her head slowly. We followed her into the kitchen where Margie, Victoria, and Chelsea sat chatting away. Margie smiled up at us as we entered, and Chelsea leapt to her feet, racing over to hug me.

“Robin! Your sister is awesome! Thank you SO much for talking me into saying yes!”

“Um, you’re welcome?”

Margie laughed. “You forgot to tell her I’d pay her. You also forgot I was supposed to pick you up,” she added with a broad grin.

I smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, it slipped my mind with everything else going on.”

“I’m not really interested in modeling after this, but it’s going to look so good on a college application,” Chelsea added as she returned to her seat.

Margie smiled as she stood. “I have a very specific photographer in mind for the shoot. It won’t take long at all once everything’s set up. I wasn’t sure if you’d want to do this or not so I decided not to call her in yet. How’s tomorrow for you?”

“Tomorrow we have gymnastics right after school, but Wednesday’s free.”

“Ooh, I don’t know about Wednesday. I’m presenting some storyboards to a publishing company-” she suddenly paused. “And I shouldn’t have said that. Okay, do me a favor and pretend you didn’t hear that?”

Victoria and Chelsea looked at each other then nodded. “Sure.”

“Thanks. Okay, how about Thursday?”

“Thursday we’ll be holding another practice here,” Chelsea offered, “But we can double-up if you want? Come here early to do the shoot in Victoria’s back yard, and then I can change for practice. You said you only had a couple of outfits you wanted me to wear anyway, right?”

Margie nodded, a contemplative smile on her lips. She turned to Liz. “Would that be okay with you?”

“Of course. If I’m not mistaken I’ll need to sign a waiver for legal purposes. At least, that was the case when the photographer for Victoria’s senior pictures wanted to use the backdrop for another senior’s,” she added with a cheerful smile. “Just let me know what I can do to help.”

“Great,” Margie responded cheerfully. “I’ll make the necessary arrangements. Incidentally, stop by the store some time. I’ll let my sales girls know to give you a discount in return for your help, and for looking out for Robin,” she added with a wink. I could feel my cheeks burn as she turned to step out.

Victoria giggled.

“Robin, you’re blushing.” She added quickly. “I embarrass my brother all the time. I guess it’s a universal sibling thing.” She paused, glancing down at a clipboard in front of her.

“So anyway, we need to talk dance.”

~* Spirit Speaks *~ “Hey you two. I hope you don’t mind that I’m giving you a ride home.” She had a certain somberness in her tone. Jennifer picked up on it immediately, too. “Is everything okay?” Kelly gave a slow nod. “One of the girls I work with has a problem. I’m trying to rally support for her. Robin, you met her when you had your EKG done.” “Oh, the quiet one with the clipboard?” She seemed nice, but there was something about her eyes that stuck with me. She reminded me of Crystal, and that scared me a little.

---

Tuesday progressed relatively normally. After gymnastics though, as I was heading for the coaches’ office to shower, I suddenly found myself flanked by Katelyn and Jennifer. Each girl looped my arm in theirs. Grinning silently, they ushered me toward the girls’ locker room.

“Um, ladies? You know I don’t like to go in when you’re changing,” I protested, but Katelyn’s grip tightened. It wasn’t uncomfortable at all, but she made it clear I wasn’t getting away from her either, and when we reached the door, Jennifer let go, following as Katelyn tugged me along.

Inside, the entire cheer squad had already assembled. Girls not on the squad stood off to one side, obviously in on whatever joke they were trying to play on me. Victoria stepped forward and handed something to Katelyn, who quickly stowed it behind her back. Chelsea placed her hand on my shoulder and smiled down at me.

“Since this was your idea, Katelyn, we wanted you to do the honors. Robin, you’ve only been a member of the squad a short time, but you came to our rescue when Amy had to leave. We have a big competition coming up soon, and it just wouldn’t be right for you not to be a full member of the squad.”

Katelyn stepped in front of me now and took my hand. “I came to them about this because I wanted them to know I’d be okay with it. I messed up and missed my chance this year, not because of you, or Chelsea, but because I was being a self-righteous bitch. You never stopped believing that I could be better than that though.”

A tear rolled down her cheek as she pressed a piece of cloth into my hand. I looked down at it slowly, to see a purple-and-gold megaphone patch.

“It’s your cheer patch, for your letter jacket. And don’t tell me you didn’t earn it.” Katelyn gave a weak laugh as I looked back at her. “You went above and beyond putting up with me — you’re helping me make my dreams come true even after the way I treated you.”

Without warning, she pulled me into a hug. I couldn’t think of anything intelligent to say. She had literally left me speechless. I wrapped my arms around her, even despite the sweat from our gym class. My eyes stung, and I shut them tightly.

“Katelyn, I don’t know what to say. Thank you so much.”

“No, thank you. Maria said you were a really nice person, but I was so wrapped up in my own stuff I couldn’t see it. Now you and Kelly are helping me pay for my lessons, and I just felt really bad about everything. I wanted to set it right.”

I felt Chelsea wrap an arm around me from behind as she stepped beside us.

“Like I told you when I asked you to consider trying out — you have a natural charisma that people can’t help but notice. You don’t have to be beautiful to be a cheerleader. You just have to be confident.”

She paused to glance at Katelyn, a broad smile on her lips. “And I expect you to try out next year. Robin already told me she doesn’t want to be co-captain next year, so you’ll probably be in the running.”

By now the other girls had already started to disperse and undress, so I gave Katelyn and Chelsea a friendly hug, and turned to leave. I felt Katelyn’s hand on my shoulder as I reached the door.

“I wish you didn’t have to, you know…” she trailed off.

I glanced back at her, and I nodded. Truth be told, I shared that feeling, but this was for their protection as much as my own. “I do too,” I answered quietly and slipped out.

~oOo~

I found Kelly waiting for us in the parking lot. I had been expecting Margie to stop by and pick us up one last time, since I would be taking my driving test the next day, so it surprised me a little. Jennifer waved as we approached.

“Hey stranger,” she teased. Kelly caught her in a hug, and then wrapped an arm around me as I got close.

“Hey you two. I hope you don’t mind that I’m giving you a ride home.” She had a certain somberness in her tone. Jennifer picked up on it immediately, too.

“Is everything okay?”

Kelly gave a slow nod. “One of the girls I work with has a problem. I’m trying to rally support for her. Robin, you met her when you had your EKG done.”

“Oh, the quiet one with the clipboard?” She seemed nice, but there was something about her eyes that stuck with me. She reminded me of Crystal, and that scared me a little.

Kelly nodded as she sat down in her car, waiting for us to join her. She adjusted the rear-view mirror. “Turns out her little brother is transgendered, too. But unlike us he … Well, remember Dr. Rosen?”

Jennifer’s eyes narrowed sharply at that name. Few things angered her, but when she heard about what happened with me, she flew into a tirade.

Kelly gave a slow nod. “Exactly. There’s a lot of anger in that young lady, and a lot of pain in her older sister. They both need help. I told her about me, about how I transitioned when I was older than her brother. She came back to me today, and told me,” Kelly choked up. She shook her head quickly. “I’m sorry. I’ll wait until we’re at Jen’s so I don’t get us killed.”

Jennifer reached over the backseat to squeeze Kelly’s shoulder. Neither of us said anything until we arrived at Jennifer’s house, where she continued.

“She says I saved Johnny’s life,” she concluded simply.

Jennifer ‘got it’ first. “Oh my God… Kelly, please tell me she’s on suicide watch?”

I blinked, letting that sink in as Kelly answered. “Which one?”

“Well, either, but the girl mainly. Hey, do you wanna come inside? I restocked my herbal tea supplies with Robin’s Mom’s suggestions,” she added with a giggle.

Kelly and I glanced at each other. I nodded, and she smiled warmly. “Okay. Just let me call Margie so she doesn’t worry about us.”

~oOo~

Jennifer managed the tea while Kelly and I got comfortable in her living room. I always loved visiting Jennifer. Her house almost seemed to share the same sense of serene calm she projected, like she brought a slice of Hawaii home with her every summer. The cute tiki mask on the wall by the big, picture window didn’t hurt.

When Jennifer emerged with three steaming cups, Kelly waited for her to sit before speaking up again.

“I’ve been getting in touch with every contact I can think of to try and get her the help she desperately needs. They need a family counselor, not just a therapist. The young one lives with her Mom, and there’s a lot of bad blood there. Jen you remember how bad I used to be right?”

Jennifer laughed. “You made pulling pigtails look harmless, yeah.”

Kelly blushed, glancing down for a moment. “Well, Johnny’s even worse. Angry, guilty, and just flat miserable really.”

“That sounds familiar,” I offered softly. “I never got into any fights, but the only time I was happy was when I was Robin — even though I didn’t have a name for ‘her’ at the time.”

“Robin, do you think… I mean, would you be willing to meet with LeAnn?”

I reflexively flinched. “I… I don’t know about that. You know how hard I’ve worked to put Robert behind me.”

“I know, sweetie,” she answered gently. “I wasn’t going to ask at all, but when I found out just how close her sister came to… becoming another statistic, I thought I’d talk to you. I haven’t told her anything about you though. When she asked who you were, and what we were talking about, I told her that I wouldn’t betray your trust even to your own doctor.”

“What we were talking about?” I echoed. I started to blush. Kelly giggled.

“Oh, it’s not like that. She didn’t hear anything. It was your smile. She said you reminded her of her baby sister, that short few minutes she knew her, before their father…” Again she trailed off, and both Jennifer and I flinched in unison.

“Oh God,” I whispered. Kelly just nodded.

Jennifer perked up. “Hey, can I make a suggestion?”

We both turned to look at her.

“Why not write a letter, Robin? You don’t have to sign your name, or even hand-write it, but it would give her sister someone she could identify with — someone our age, you know, who’s been there, had these feelings all her life.”

“What if she doesn’t believe it’s from a real person, though?” I asked, but paused. “But really, she wouldn’t believe a hand-written signed letter any more than a typed one, would she?”

“There are tells,” Kelly answered. “The way you speak and write is very different from how I would, and if you hear LeAnn speak, she sounds like she’s from a completely different country. It’s really cute,” she paused to sip her tea. “But there’s no way I could fake a letter from you or Allison. Jen maybe, but she does that freaky Polynesian wisdom-beyond-her-years thing.” She shot Jennifer a playful smile, and Jennifer stuck her tongue out.

“You do know I do that on purpose, right?” We all laughed.

“But, that’s the situation. I’m trying to do everything I can to help both of them now that I have my foot in the door. From what LeAnn told me, she had a very, very long talk with her mother last night, but she seemed reluctant to discuss any of it. She told me if she has to, she’ll fly down there and kidnap her sister though,” she added. She wasn’t smiling either.

~oOo~

I had no sooner gotten home when Allison raced out to meet us, throwing her arms around me. “Robin! Congratulations!”

“On?” I blinked. I had already forgotten about the cheer patch. Allison giggled.

“Becoming a full cheerleader, duh? Jen called me when you left her house. I hope it’s okay that she told me about the other stuff too,” Allison trailed off, as if uncertain how I’d react. I took her hands and pulled her right into a hug. She smiled slowly. “I guess that’s a yes?”

“Of course it’s okay. I’m still not sure if I want to get involved though. I mean yes, I want to help her. I want to do something, but I’m scared of rocking my own boat.”

Allison smiled as she looked me in the eye, cupped my face, and leaned forward to kiss my forehead. Sometimes she could be as much a ‘big sister’ to me as Kelly or Margie, despite being my age.

“You have to do what you have to do to help yourself, but don’t forget that you’ve already helped someone else in this position.”

“Trina?”

“Trina. She’s still confused, I think. She waffles between going out as Trent and Trina every other weekend, but she’s working with Barbara because you took the time to talk to her.” She smiled reassuringly as she hugged me close.

“I guess you’re right. I’m going to start with a letter, and then go from there. Thanks Ally.”

“Hey, that’s what sisters are for,” she answered. “FYI, if you need help with your cheer patch my Dad can sew circles around pretty much anybody.”

“Your Dad sews?” I asked, surprised. She giggled.

“He was a marine, you goof. You learn to be self-sufficient in the services, including fixing holes in your socks. He’s actually better at it than Mom, even.”

“I’ll go get my jacket,” I answered. “Then I’ll start on that letter after we’re finished. I’d kind of like to watch him work.”

~oOo~

On Wednesday I had my driving test, and I could hardly sleep for thinking about it. I passed the written test really well, but when I sat down in the student driver car, a large, rather scary looking man sat down in the passenger seat. Without a word he pulled his seatbelt across, and I buckled mine. He stared expectantly at me as I waited for him to say something. Finally, I slid the key into the ignition, checked my mirrors, and turned back to him for final approval.

“Good,” he answered simply, showing a hint of a smile. I smiled back, and we pulled into traffic.

“Make a right here,” he spoke as our first traffic light came into view.

“They’re doing construction on that road though.”

“Yes, I know,” came his response. I nodded nervously and turned off onto the side road. I was about to swerve to dodge a pot hole when I noticed an oncoming car. I quickly checked my mirror. Another car was coming up fast, so I slowed down just enough to coast across the bump. The car jostled us both as I picked up speed again.

“Sorry, that maniac back there was coming up too fast for me to slow down. I’ll pay for the damage.”

He just smiled and marked something on his chart. A man in an orange vest flagged us down and I rolled down the window for him to speak. He leaned closer and nodded.

“It’s one-way only, miss. You’ll have to turn around.”

“But there’s not enough room for a U-turn with that other guy back there on my bumper. Can I pull forward a little?”

The man frowned, but glanced back at the other vehicle, now right on my bumper and nodded. “Just this once. I’ll have a word with the other driver for you.”

“Thank you so much. This is my driving test, and I’m already nervous.”

He smiled at that, though it seemed he was smiling not at me, but my instructor. The instructor remained poker-faced as the man moved the orange cones to give me some space to work with. I didn’t even look at the other driver as I pulled away again, too focused on the road.

My instructor gave me directions through the busy main highway through town as well as several sidestreets, until finally we arrived at the high school’s empty parking lot. He instructed me to pull in there. I hadn’t noticed until now that the car we were driving was a lot like mine, except for the hard top and the Student Driver sign, and of course the bright red color.

Just as I was about to put it in park, he shifted his weight, abruptly slamming his foot onto the gas pedal. I panicked and slammed on the brakes, throwing on the emergency brake.

I glared at him, and he started laughing.

“What’s so funny?” I finally demanded. I had finally reached my tolerance limit for this instructor. He offered me his hand as he tugged away what I could now see was a fake beard.

“Mr. Ellis?!”

He grinned. “Hi Robin. I’m sorry for deceiving you. When Mrs. Ellis told me the kind of car you’d be driving, I personally volunteered to give you your driving test. I hope you’re not too angry though.”

I shook my head in disbelief. “Just surprised is all. What was that about anyway? The slamming on the gas thing? You scared me half to death.”

“Like I said, I needed to know how you’d handle yourself.”

“And the thing about making me turn the wrong way on a road under construction?”

“The construction is quite real, but I have a friend who works for the city, who agreed to get his guys to play along. The person tailgating you is a regular instructor — I just do this on weekends to help supplement income a little bit, except today of course.”

“So, do I pass?”

He nodded. “With flying colors. Oh, don’t worry about damage to the car. As long as it can get us back to the DMV, I’ll take care of the rest. I actually had one student who I pulled this stunt on, who spun out and sent the back tire flying a good thirty yards,” he added with a chuckle.

I was greatly relieved when the car started again, and carefully drove us back to the DMV. Margie and Kelly were waiting out front, the former leaning against my convertible, with the top down. Both grinned as they waited for me to approach, wrapping me in a hug.

“How’d it go?” Kelly asked first. I giggled as I looked back. Mr. Ellis held up his clipboard and smiled. “For a student driver she’s pretty good. She needs more confidence, but that’s something she just has to develop with practice. I don’t expect she’ll be on anyone’s radar for speeding, either,” he added, giving me a sly wink. I laughed.

“Now for the fun part,” he continued. “Whenever you’re ready, just talk to the lady at the front desk to get your license sorted.”

~oOo~

Saturday came too quickly, and at once not quickly enough. We had our first regional competition, and unlike the other girls this was also my first time performing in front of a crowd. Nervous? Not at all. I wanted to skip breakfast though. I kept hoping if I spent enough time hiding in the bathroom, doing my hair that I might run out of time.

Margie appeared in the doorway and folded her arms. “You might as well give up. You’re going to look cute whatever you do with it.”

I laughed. I hadn’t put on my uniform yet, still standing there in my bathrobe. She smiled.

“Come on sweetie. You need to eat breakfast.”

“I’m afraid I’ll get sick if I eat something,” I whined, turning back to the mirror with a defeated sigh.

“That’s why I made a light breakfast. Allison and Nikki are waiting to see you in your uniform, by the way,” she added, taking my hand and pulling me into a hug. Somehow, that helped. I leaned into her for a moment, exhaling slowly.

“Thanks. I so needed that.”

She smiled brightly and kissed the top of my head. “You’ll do great.”

It wasn’t just the routine I was worried about, but I didn’t want to tell her that. I forced a smile and nodded.

“Can you let the girls know I’ll be down in a second? I’m not going to wear any makeup since I’ll just have to take it off again anyway, so I just need to get dressed.”

“Sure thing,” Margie answered, turning to leave.

I stepped into my room and slid my bathrobe off. I was still extremely self-conscious about the bright purple panties, fully aware that every man, woman, and child in the stands would be seeing them, but there was no avoiding it. The routine called for a drop, and I was the least likely to fall flat on my face, with the next-best flyers, Jennifer and Victoria, acting as my bases.

I pulled on the ‘NHS’ — for Northside High School purple, gold, and white top and worked the skirt up my legs. As I sat on the bed to tie my shoes, someone knocked gingerly at the door. I glanced up to see Nicole smiling back at me.

“I never get tired of seeing you in that uniform,” she spoke softly as she approached.

“Thanks,” I answered, pulling my second white canvas shoe up over my purple sock. I stood to wrap her in a hug and kissed her cheek. “God, I’m so nervous.”

“Oh, please. If I can be Shadowfang in front of thousands of screaming fans, you can be Robin in front of hundreds,” she answered reassuringly. Her smile never left her lips as she leaned forward to kiss me. “You’re beautiful, confident, and talented. Even if you do make a mistake, so what? Just roll with it, act like it was intentional, and the only ones who’ll notice are the judges.”

“Yeah, but they’re the ones that count most.”

“True,” she answered as she took my hand, leading me along. “But they’ll be more likely to give you spirit points if you don’t sweat it.”

“Hey, no fair using logic to win an argument,” I teased. She laughed as she squeezed my hand.

~oOo~

Since this was a school-sanctioned cheer event we had to take a bus instead of driving ourselves. Mom and Ash, Margie, Kelly, and the girls all followed in their cars, though. Once in awhile I could see Nicole’s Mustang pull up alongside us on the highway and Allison would wave. I’d laugh and wave as they backed off again, easing back into the right lane behind us.

I didn’t realize Victoria had been watching me until she suddenly stood from her seat, two rows up, and approached me. She laid her hand on my shoulder as she knelt beside me.

“Robin? What’s wrong?”

I looked over at Victoria, suddenly very self-conscious of the fact that the entire cheer squad was waiting for an answer. I slowly looked around at them, and then back at Victoria. “Was I that obvious?” I asked with a nervous laugh. Jennifer smiled.

“You’re either upset about something, or about to lose your breakfast,” she teased.

“A little of both,” I answered. I slid over to give Victoria room to sit down. I shifted in my seat, fidgeting slightly as my bare legs scraped the leather. Victoria smiled sympathetically.

“I’m sorry. Normally you’d have had football season and basketball season to get used to the skirt. You look great though, and you really are our best flyer.”

“Thanks,” I offered softly, leaning over to rest my head on her shoulder. She smiled and wrapped me in a friendly hug.

“It’s what I’m here for. Chelsea and I are always available to talk if there’s something on your mind. Is there anything we can help with?”

At this point Sasha hopped up and spun around on her seat in a kneeling position to smile back at me. “Or me, or Jen, or any of us. We’re all sisters here,” she offered with a bright, reassuring smile.

“I’m really excited, actually, but I can’t help thinking ‘what if’…” I shook my head and smiled. “It’s silly. I’m worrying about nothing. I just need to get through this one event and prove to myself that I CAN do this.”

“E ho'a'o no i pau kuhihewa.” Jennifer stated simply. Every pair of eyes fell upon her and she smiled innocently. “It means do it to end the panic. There are things we all face that are scarier in our minds than they really are. Like your driving test the other day. You said you were scared to death, but it wasn’t that bad was it?”

I started to smile at that as I nodded. “Except the part where Mr. Ellis slammed his foot on the gas. THAT terrified me.”

Sasha started laughing. “OhmyGod. He did that to you too? I almost peed myself!” The entire busload of cheerleaders started laughing. Coach Greer stood to approach our little circle. “Thirty minutes, girls. You’d better start getting your makeup on.”

“Could one of you do mine?” I asked. “I’ve never worn stage makeup before.”

Jennifer giggled. “I’ll help you with it. It’s going to look weird, but it’s supposed to. Helps the crowd and the judges see our faces.”

~oOo~

“Northside High School, Alpine Springs — you’re in the wings,” the pretty young woman in the oversized headset called. It wasn’t exactly a sea of girls so much as a very large lake, though there still were many, many cheerleaders there. Just before we turned to head to positions, Rachel raced over to give me a hug.

“Good luck girl!” she cheered after us.

We waited for the other team to finish their routine, going over a final checklist. Hair tied neatly in a ribbon, no jewelry that needed to be shoved in a sock. Victoria turned back to smile at me. “Do it to end the panic, yeah?” I nodded back at her, smiling brightly. She laughed. “There it is. Okay girls!”

At the announcer’s cue, we took the stage, to a rousing cheer of “GO SPIRIT!” from somewhere in the stands, as well as from more than one cheer group off in the sides. I could feel my cheeks burn as we took our places. We didn’t have our full routine ready for the Nationals competition, but we worked out an interim to fill in the blanks. It wasn’t fantastic, but it got the job done, considering we had to scrap the original plan.

The end called for me to be hoisted up in Liberty, and we practiced it a hundred times, but when the time came, I was still incredibly nervous. We had myself and Sasha as flyers, and as we went up, our three bases each supporting us, we moved to position almost in unison. I wobbled just a little, but managed to keep smiling as I raised my hands.

The crowd exploded with applause, which wasn’t surprising considering they had done the same for the last several groups, and at least given a token cheer for the girls who hadn’t done so well. Jennifer whistled, signaling that the bases were ready to catch me. I shut my eyes as they lifted me up, and fell right into their arms. My skirt flew right up, and I cringed, but they all patted my shoulders to reassure me.

“Great job,” Victoria whispered as we left the court. I wanted to cry.

“I lost my balance at the last second. I know they’re going to dock us for that.”

“So?” she answered, but in a cheerful and reassuring way. “Everyone makes mistakes. During the opening dance I almost sneezed. That’s never happened before. If we get knocked for anything it’ll be that.”

To hear Victoria admit even she made a mistake made me feel a lot better. Jennifer grinned as she bumped her shoulder with me. “So how was it?”

“Scary! The skirt flying up didn’t bother me as much as the Liberty, having to stay like that, I mean.”

Jennifer giggled, and then pointed at the stands. “Looks like you’ve got a fan waiting for you.”

Nicole, dressed in a cute, loose tunic dress and boots, came racing out of the stands. I’d swear she had gone extra-goth on her makeup just for the occasion. She caught me in a hug and we shared a brief, enthusiastic kiss before hugging again.

“That was awesome! You guys were so great!”

“Thanks! Why don’t you come hang out with us while we wait for the scores?”

“A goth among cheerleaders?” she joked. “Isn’t that like putting a cat in a dog show?”

“Oh, you!” I laughed as I grabbed her arm, pulling her along.

We got a few odd stares from the other teams at first. That is, until Rachel came running and wrapped us in a hug, followed quickly by the rest of her teammates offering us their support, telling me not to worry about the Liberty, and that sort of thing. Soon enough a few other girls I had worked with at cheer camp had come to congratulate us on our routine.

~oOo~

I spent the rest of the morning hanging out with Nicole and the girls, and a handful of cheerleaders from different squads. Most of them didn’t know about my lesbianism, and most didn’t seem to care. The few who had something snide to say were quickly shut down by members of their own squads, and I just left well enough alone and didn’t give them any more reason to hate me.

Instead, I decided it was time to lead by example. Jennifer, Chelsea, Victoria… They had all talked to me about how important setting a good example is. I’d grant that the excitement of the moment led to Nicole’s and my sharing a less-than- chaste kiss after our routine, but we behaved ourselves the rest of the morning, and acted open and friendly toward anyone who wanted to come talk to us.

“And now for the awards ceremony,” came the announcer’s voice. The girls we were sitting with hurried to return to their squads while Jennifer and I moved to rejoin ours. We patiently listened as they listed off various awards like best stunt, best flyer, outstanding leadership. There was a pause though. The announcer turned to whisper something to one of the judges, who smiled and nodded.

“Well, this is highly unusual. Ladies and gentlemen, these next two awards go to the same young lady. For Most Spirited and Most Encouraging, Robin Smith, of the Alpine Springs Northside High School Lady Tigers!”

I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. My jaw dropped, and I stood there, unable to move. Victoria and Chelsea each nudged me forward, but my legs felt numb as I slowly approached to accept the two awards. The announcer shook my hand as he smiled.

“Congratulations,” he spoke warmly.

Coach Greer was waiting with the team when I returned. She smiled as she hugged me. “Congratulations Robin!”

“But… I… How?”

She laughed. “You and that girlfriend of yours. The judges aren’t just sitting at that table, sweetie. They put them in the crowd and out amongst you waiting in the wings, disguised as members of the staff or attendees. From what I gather they liked the way you were so respectful to your fellow cheerleaders, even when some of them weren’t extending the courtesy to you in return.”

“It’s like the girls kept telling me — we’re ambassadors for our school. I’m proud of Nikki, and I love her to death. I just wanted to show them that our relationship doesn’t define me any more than this uniform does — it’s just part of a whole.”

~oOo~

We didn’t win first place, not surprisingly. There were other mistakes in our routine, and it just wasn’t as polished as it could be, but we got a copy of the technical notes from the judges so we could work on it. And I wasn’t the only one to receive individual awards. Sasha got an award for technique, and Chelsea, not surprisingly, took home an individual award for vocal projection.

As we sat on the bus, gossiping and giggling, I couldn’t help finding myself just joining right in with the others. At one point during a lull in the conversation, Sasha reached out to squeeze my hand, and smiled. “I’m really proud to be your squad-mate. Did you mean what you said before, about what we told you I mean?”

I nodded quickly. “Every word. I’m not embarrassed that I’m dating a girl, I just don’t want people to see me, and see a stereotype there. I want them to see me for who I am, to see Nikki for who she is, and to see the rest of you for who you are, who I know you all are, who I know I am. We’re high school girls with school spirit who care about each other and our fellow cheerleaders, just out to be the best we can.”

“Spirit,” Jennifer added, “It’s not just a pretty word.”

We all burst into giggles.

~* Motherhood *~ “I love you both,” he whispered back. “And God willing, you might have a baby brother or sister to share your love with.” I looked slowly up at him. Was he saying what I thought he was? Mom giggled. “Ash, hush. It’s too soon to tell her!” she teased. She had a bright, beautiful smile as I looked back at her. “Mom? Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

---

Author's Note:
This chapter is dedicated to Piper and Catrina for their help and inspiration, and of course, to my number one fan girl for lifting my spirits when I very much needed it. Thank you, Ashly!
Love,

Zoe

---

“Morning sweetheart,” Mom offered cheerfully as I came padding down the stairs at Ash’s. Since getting my license, this new arrangement became much easier to work with.

“Morning Mom,” I managed despite the intrusive yawn that demanded to escape right at that moment, and approached to wrap her in a tight hug, leaning up to kiss her cheek. She smiled, a little surprised, as she held me close to her, and I let my head rest on her shoulder.

“What was that for?” she asked. I closed my eyes as she slowly stroked my hair.

“For being so understanding and for loving me for me, for accepting me as your daughter… For lots of things.”

“Robin, honey, is this about LeAnn?”

I should have figured Mom knew all about it. I nodded slowly. “I just can’t imagine what her sister’s been through to push her to that point. Even when I was at my worst I could never consider … ‘that’ as an alternative. I just want to scoop her up in my arms and tell her it’ll be okay.”

“Oh, honey,” she answered softly. She looked up, and I turned around to see Ash standing in the doorway. He smiled as he approached.

“May I?”

Mom nodded.

“Robin, you have a big heart. It’s one of your most endearing traits. When you stood up for Jason even after everything he put you through, it really showed me something about your character, and your mother’s, to have raised such a strong, mature daughter.” He paused to smile as he put his strong arms around me, and for a moment I lost myself in his embrace. I couldn’t help but smile as I leaned into him.

“You can only do so much for others before you start to spread yourself too thin, though. You wrote a letter to her, didn’t you?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yeah, Kelly told me she passed it on to LeAnn, and that she sent it off right away.”

“Then you’ve already helped. You’re a shining example of what could be.”

“But I was lucky, Dad,” I stated desperately, only realizing after I’d said it that I called him what I had been thinking for awhile. Mom shook her head quickly.

“Honey, no, you weren’t lucky. You persevered. You fought to be who you are even when the school board and even Director Meredith had their doubts. You proved to them that you are Robin Smith, and you made these things happen. People believe you because you believe in yourself.”

Ash smiled proudly. “Remember, I had trouble believing what you were telling me before too. You believe with such conviction that you are who you are. You project yourself as female, you look, dress, act, and talk like any other teenage girl because that’s who you are. That’s who LeAnn’s sister can be if she works hard like you did.”

“But I had the benefit of a summer to get used to being ‘out’, plus an amazing support group to catch me when I fell. And I have an accepting family that loves me for me. Do you think her mom will come around?”

Mom nodded. “For me, it was as though the last puzzle piece clicked into place. When I saw you that first day, it was like meeting you for the first time. Kelly prepared me for it, but until I saw you I didn’t know what to expect. It was like a terrible fog had been lifted. I had my baby back, and she looked so happy, how could I not love her?”

By now Mom and I were both in tears. Even Ash’s cheeks were stained just a little bit. I wished in that moment that everyone could have a dad like him. He smiled down at me.

“When did you start calling me ‘dad’ anyway?” he asked. I giggled.

“You’ve been ‘Robin’s dad’ ever since I joined the cheer squad. I’ve just been too afraid to say it myself. You’re the daddy I always wanted though,” I managed to whisper before completely choking up. He squeezed me closer.

“I love you both,” he whispered back. “And God willing, you might have a baby brother or sister to share your love with.”

I looked slowly up at him. Was he saying what I thought he was? Mom giggled.

“Ash, hush. It’s too soon to tell her!” she teased. She had a bright, beautiful smile as I looked back at her.

“Mom? Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

She nodded. “I’m ‘late’,” she answered. I didn’t have the benefit of The Talk from a girl’s perspective, and barely got the boy’s perspective, but thanks to some trashy teen dramas, I knew exactly what that meant.

“Oh my God,” I whispered. She giggled as I threw my arms around her. “That’s great!”

“I’m so happy to hear you say that sweetheart. I didn’t know how you would react, and you’ve just been through so much that I didn’t know how I was going to tell you.”

“Mom of course I’m happy! You know how much I love Amanda, but even if it’s a boy I’ll still love him,” I giggled. “Wow. You guys really know how to make a girl feel better though. Is there anything I can do?”

“Just continue to be you, honey. I may need some help with the housework in the coming months, but right now I have everything in-hand. Kelly and I have already discussed work schedules in advance of my eventual maternity leave.”

Ash, or should I say Dad, now grinning, placed his hand on my shoulder. “I’m going to need some help decorating the new nursery. I understand you and your friends have some experience with that?”

“You bet! We’ve been working on plans to redecorate my room here to be more like my room at Margie’s, and we’re pretty adept at finding inexpensive furniture. I might try a daybed here though. But I’d love to help with the nursery. How soon can we know if we’re decorating for a boy or a girl?”

Dad seemed to defer that question to Mom.

“Somewhere around the five month mark is when most women have an ultrasound. It’s mainly to look for birth defects, but there are certain signs the technician looks for too.”

“So, sometime in June or July? I hope I’m not at camp. I’m thinking about going for both sessions of Girl Scout camp this year, plus I’ll have cheer camp in July.”

“I’ll be sure to record the ultrasound so you can see it, if you’re not here,” Mom reassured then added, “Can I make you two some breakfast?”

“Oh no you don’t,” I answered, motioning for her to go sit down. “You guys go relax. I’ll take care of breakfast.”

~oOo~

Even though I had my license and my own car, it had still become a bit of a tradition for Nicole to drive us all to the school for our Girl Scout meetings. Most of the monthly meetings involved helping the younger girls plan activities, and while Allison and Tracy had really been picking up the slack lately, I still felt guilty about not really getting anything to happen since the cancer walk.

I pulled into Margie’s driveway with those thoughts still fresh in my mind. Apparently I had come early though, as Nicole hadn’t arrived yet. Allison opened the door to her house, stepping outside to wave me over. I hit the car alarm button on my keychain, hung the keys just inside the front door of Margie’s house, and then raced over to grab Allison in a hug.

“Wow,” she squealed as I nearly lifted her off the ground. “You’re sure in a good mood! What’s up?” she giggled enthusiastically. So did I.

“Mom’s late,” I answered.

Allison’s jaw slid open as her eyes widened. “You mean … late, as in ‘late’ late? Ohmygod. Robin congratulations! How soon will you know if it’s a boy or a girl?”

“Sometime this summer. They promised to save me a recording of the ultrasound if we’re at summer camp, or if I’m at cheer camp,” I added as Allison ushered me inside.

“Oh, hey, um, you know how next weekend is April First, right?” she asked nervously.

“Yeah. Didn’t your last prank war start with this same conversation?” I teased, adding, “At least that’s what Jen told me.”

She giggled. “Yeah. I didn’t know if you’d want to prank your own girlfriend, but Nikki would never suspect you, which is what makes it so perfect.”

“What do you have in mind?”

She started giggling. “Well you know how she’s sort of into the macabre. She loves a good ghost story, but she doesn’t talk about it much anymore. I think she’s afraid she’ll freak you out or something. I keep telling her you love her for who she is though.”

I gave Allison a slow nod. “I do. I’m honored that she wants to protect me, but really, I think ghost stories are kind of neat too.”

“You do?”

“Uh huh. So what did you have in mind?”

“Well I was thinking we could give her a good scare. I know a great one she hasn’t heard about yet, but the only problem is we’d need a little girl to help us pull it off.”

“I could ask Angela if we could borrow Amanda,” I offered, shooting her a sly grin. She squealed.

“Oh, she’d be perfect!” She paused, nodding toward the door. “I hear Nikki’s Mustang outside. Let’s play it cool for now, and I’ll start buttering her up for it next weekend. Once I tell her it was your idea, only you didn’t want to freak her out, she’ll fall right into our- hey Nikki, Jen!” she abruptly changed her tone, catching Nicole in a hug as she and Jennifer entered. They both stepped closer to hug me next.

“Hey guys,” Nicole answered cheerfully but paused. “Okay, what’s with the creepy grin?”

Allison giggled. “Um, should I tell her or do you want to do the honors?”

Nicole shifted her gaze to me, and I smiled proudly. “You’re going to be an aunt,” I teased. She blinked a couple of times before it properly sank in.

“Oh my Gawd. Congrats!”

~oOo~

“So we’re basically being invited to completely convert one of my dad’s spare bedrooms into a nursery, on top of redecorating my room. That’s if you guys want to of course,” I added, as we strolled into the high school auditorium.

“You know me, Robin,” Jennifer answered first, “I love this sort of thing. Of course I’ll help.”

Allison and Nicole answered a ‘Me too!’ in unison, looked at each other, and giggled.

“With your permission though I’d like very much to bless the house,” Jennifer added softly. The four of us paused as I turned to her.

“How so?”

“It’s nothing big. I’m not like a witch or anything weird. It’s a blessing and cleansing ritual to honor the new arrival and to ward off evil spirits.”

“Is that why your house always feels so… peaceful?” I finally asked. She smiled as she turned to continue toward the stage.

“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” She gave a verbal pause and giggled as she continued to walk. “I don’t pretend to understand everything my Grandfather’s taught me over the years. I just know that it works, and that I believe in the spirits, good and bad.”

I reached out to squeeze her hand, and she smiled back at me. “Jen, I love you. You’re a wonderful friend. I don’t pretend to understand half of what you say, but I do know that you’re usually right about these things. I’d be honored if you would perform a blessing for us. Just give me a chance to clear it with Mom and Dad first,” I added with a giggle.

“Clear what?” Tracy asked as we approached. She reached her hand out to catch Jennifer’s, giving it a playful squeeze. “Great job yesterday, by the way.”

“Thanks,” we answered in unison as we took our seats, and Jennifer explained to Tracy what we had been talking about. Tracy just smiled and nodded, but did congratulate me on the future sibling. We sort of mingled and chatted about everything from nothing in particular to nothing of consequence while we waited for Coach Greer’s arrival.

I heard Amanda’s rapid approach first, and looked back in time to see her come running over to us.

“Hey little sister,” I teased, tickling her sides and causing her to squeal with delight as I hugged her.

“Hi Spirit!” she chirped.

I smiled as I ruffled her curls then leaned forward to kiss her forehead. Amanda giggled as I gave her another hug before letting her run off to sit with her friends; meanwhile Coach Greer knelt beside us for a moment.

“By the way, do you think I could get you to babysit next weekend? I know it’s asking a lot, but there’s been a family emergency. Next weekend is the earliest either of us can get away, but it’s going to be a long, boring weekend at a hospital for Amanda.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear. I’d love to take care of her for the weekend though.”

“Great!” she answered, a mix of both joy and relief. “I knew I could count on you. I promise to make it worth your trouble.”

“Nonsense. I love Amanda. I’m happy to help,” I answered. Tracy placed her hand on my arm to get my attention as Coach Greer stood to take her place in front of us.

“Let me know if you need any help okay? I don’t doubt your mad babysitting skills,” she teased, “But you’re ‘one of us’ now, and we look out for each other, hey?”

“One of us?”

“Ch’ya. Like, cheerleader? And you call yourself a valley girl,” she teased in what I could only describe as an awful approximation of Valley speak, causing Jennifer and Allison to burst into laughter.

“Okay, ladies, as you know the weather is finally starting to warm up, which means it’s time to start discussing and planning outdoor activities.”

My hand shot up, which I think surprised everyone since I’d been relatively quiet the last few meetings. Coach Greer nodded toward me. “Robin?”

“What about a community clean-up project? Earth Day is coming up next month so we could get a jumpstart on it.”

“That’s a great idea,” Allison chimed in.

“What about a garden?” Jennifer added. “Allison’s boyfriend’s Mom is a florist so she could probably be coaxed into giving a little presentation about what kind of flowers grow well here.”

Jennifer reached her hand out to squeeze Allison’s arm, giving her a reassuring smile, and at that moment I realized this was her way of letting Allison know she really was okay with her dating Josh. Allison blushed bright red as the younger girls snickered and giggled. I thought I heard Amanda whispering “Ally’s got a boy-friend!” in a sing-song tone.

Allison laughed outright. “Okay girls, yes I’m dating someone, and yeah, his mom’s really sweet. She’s the one who provided us with the flowers for Crystal’s lei at camp last summer. I’m sure she’d love to help us.”

“You know, I’ve been thinking about that too,” Tracy perked up now. “Some places actually do an entire Earth Week focused on Earth awareness type celebrations. Since we’re talking about it a month ahead of time anyway, could the Girl Scouts sponsor something like that here in Alpine Springs?”

Coach Greer nodded almost immediately. “That’s an excellent idea. Not only would it raise awareness about global conservation concerns, but it would also raise awareness about the Girl Scouts as more than just a source of cookies.”

Everyone burst into giggles at that. She added a moment later, “It’s going to be hard work though. There’s going to be a lot of planning involved for you older girls, and coordinating the younger girls’ involvement as well. If you’re up for it we could even end the the week with a festival at the old city fair grounds.”

“That sounds awesome,” I offered. “We’ll have to get parents involved too though. I mean, I don’t want to make anyone feel guilty or like they have to get involved of course, but we need more adult supervision too.”

“I’ll see if any of the counselors from camp are free to volunteer too. Mer will have her hands full, but I might get Alice or Cynthia on-board to help.”

~oOo~

Later that week Nicole took me out to dinner, though it was nothing fancy, just hamburgers and onion rings at our favorite fast food spot. The food was great, and the company, divine. She kept staring at me though, and then down at her hamburger, so I finally asked.

“What’s up?”

“Ally told me you wanted to show me something this weekend,” she offered nervously.

“Oh, yeah.” I had already concocted my little white lie, and rehearsed it enough that I could repeat it convincingly without breaking into a cold sweat. I smiled as I reached out to take her hand. “I heard a neat ghost story about a little spot off the main highway. Ally’s offered to take Amanda for an hour or two if you… you know, wanted to check it out?”

Her eyes lit up. “Oh my Gawd,” she whispered. “Yeah, I’d love to! I love this stuff, but I…” She paused. “I know you keep telling me you love me for me, and that I don’t have to change who I am for you. I’m just really insecure. I’ve never been with anyone this long before, and I’m so scared I’m going to do something to mess it up.”

By now she was nearly in tears. I slid right out of my side of the booth to sit next to her, pulling her close. She immediately rested her head on my shoulder and shut her eyes tightly.

“Nikki, it’s okay. I understand exactly how you feel.”

“You do?”

“You bet I do. It’s okay to feel insecure or scared. This is all new territory for both of us. I mean, we’ve been dating for … ten months now, I think?”

She giggled. “Nine, but close enough to count,” she offered as she snuggled deeper into my arms.

“All I know for certain is that I can’t imagine being with anyone but you.”

She opened her eyes wide and smiled up at me. “Do you really mean that? Because… I totally feel the same way, but I didn’t want to say anything. Oh Robin,” she whispered, leaning up to kiss me. “Don’t ever let me go.”

I smiled as I squeezed her close. “I won’t.”

After a momentary pause, I decided to press the subject I had been floundering on for most of the week. “Since we’re being honest, um…”

She glanced up at me and smiled fondly. “Mmm?”

“I know how you feel about churches, and I don’t want you to feel at all obligated to even consider saying yes, but… Well, Dad invited me to come to Easter Sunday service. It’s going to be right after Earth Week stuff, so I’m thinking about accepting his offer just as a chance to sort of unwind and be with family. Do you want to come too?”

“You wouldn’t feel weird?” she asked softly. I quickly shook my head.

“Why would I feel weird?”

“Well, you know, goth, lesbian, not exactly a ‘traditional’ church-goer.”

I tried not to giggle as I pressed my lips to her forehead. “Nikki, I love you. I wouldn’t have even asked if I thought for a minute that either of us would feel we were being judged. I talked to Dad about it quite a bit. He says Reverend Payne has known all along that you and I are dating, and he’s okay with that.”

“Really? I like him already,” she almost squeaked. “Yes, I’d love to come with you.”

“Great. It’s mostly just some more bonding time with them, and we’re going to have a big Sunday dinner afterward. Mom really loved the idea of having you there to share it, after the way your family took me in at Thanksgiving.”

“Aww. Your mom’s so sweet. I can’t wait, but does this mean I have to wear an Easter dress?” She wrinkled her nose then giggled. “Wait, don’t answer that.”

I started to say something, but she picked up my hamburger, hovering it in front of me. I smiled back at her and took a bite.

~oOo~

The weekend of April first got off to quite a hilarious start on Friday. Allison with Jennifer’s help had rigged Nicole’s locker at school so that it would spray silly string as soon as she opened it. The lock jammed though, so when the maintenance guy came along to fix it, he instead got a faceful of the stuff. At least it was non-toxic.

The idea though was to make Nicole think that this was her prank for the year. Once Nicole had gotten her back by putting an open vanilla pudding cup in her purse, she let her guard down.

I had been waiting at Margie’s early Saturday morning when Coach Greer drove up in her minivan. Amanda bounded out from the sliding passenger door, a Barbie sleeping bag under one arm, and a matched duffle bag dragging the ground slung over her shoulder. Even so, she managed to reach the door first.

We had already talked to Amanda of course, and okayed it with Coach Greer. She thought it was hilarious, and made us promise to tell her all about it later, and of course Amanda leapt at the idea of getting to pull a prank on Nicole. We even got Kelly involved so we could have a supervising adult there, even though there was literally nothing harmful that could go wrong, that any of us could figure out.

“Hi Spirit!” Amanda squealed happily. I knelt to wrap my arms around her.

“Hi sweetie. Are you ready for a fun weekend?”

“Uh huh!” she nodded enthusiastically.

“I hope you don’t mind that we’re staying at my sister’s though. But this way you can sleep in the extra bedroom if you want — or you can sleep in my room too.”

“I want to sleep in your room,” she answered immediately. I giggled as I stood to exchange a hug with Coach Greer. She handed me a piece of paper with several phone numbers on it.

“That’s the number of the hotel we’ll be staying at, that’s our cell phone numbers, Meredith’s number in case of emergency, a list of foods she’s allergic to, but you already have that memorized,” she teased.

“And Kelly has the weekend off so she’ll be right next door.”

“It must be wonderful having a registered nurse next door.” She paused and smiled, “I don’t know how to thank you Robin. I promise I’ll find a way to repay you.”

I shook my head. “Really, it’s okay.” I knelt to hug Amanda again, smiling up at Coach Greer. “She really is like a sister to me. I’m excited to spend some quality time together this weekend.”

Coach Greer knelt to hug Amanda next. “You be good for Robin, okay honey? We’ll be home tomorrow afternoon.”

“Okay Mommy,” she answered, kissing her cheek. “Give Aunt Georgina a hug for me!””

Coach Greer smiled softly as she nodded. I could see the sadness in her eyes, but she put on a brave smile for Amanda. I carefully picked up the girl’s duffle bag and carried it inside while they talked for a few seconds more.

Inside Margie smiled as she poked her head around the doorway. “Hey kiddo. I was just about to head out. Are you sure you’re okay by yourself?”

“I’m sure. I’ll probably take Amanda over to visit Ally for a little while before we prank Nikki.”

Margie giggled. “Do me a favor? Get Allison to record it on her cell phone if she can.”

I had to laugh. “Sure thing. Hey, do you still want me to stop by the store Monday afternoon?”

“Sure do, if you have time. I have a few cute dresses that I’d like you to model for me. Chelsea’s going to stop by too, so Regina and I are just going to set up a mini-studio for you both to work with. It won’t be any more formal than the other shoots though; just the lighting will be better.”

She paused to smile as Amanda peeked inside. “Well hi there. You must be Amanda?”

Amanda nodded timidly. Margie smiled as she stepped closer to kneel. “Well, I’m Robin’s big sister, Margie. She’s told me all about what an amazing girl you are though.”

Amanda’s eyes lit up and she wrapped her arms around Margie’s neck. “Thanks for letting me stay here,” she offered.

Margie giggled as she returned the hug. “You’re welcome sweetheart. I need to run to town, but I’ll be back this afternoon. Just ask Robin if you need anything, and make yourself at home otherwise, okay?”

She nodded emphatically. “Okay!”

Amanda followed me as I carried her duffle bag and sleeping bag up to my bedroom. I glanced back to see her staring in wide-eyed amazement. I had to giggle.

“You like it?”

“It’s pretty!” she answered, hesitantly stepping inside. I carefully set her things down and walked back over to her.

“Do you want something to eat or drink before we walk over to Ally’s?”

“Ally lives nearby?” she asked, hopeful. I nodded.

“She’s right next door. What we’re going to do is, when I go to pick up Nikki, Ally and her big sister Kelly are going to help you into your ghost costume and drive you out to where we’re going to scare her. You remember what to do when we get there?”

She giggled, nodding quickly. “This is going to be fun!”

~oOo~

The four of us — Allison, Kelly, Amanda and me, spent the morning chatting and giggling together, talking about how school was going for Amanda and how she wanted to be ‘just like Spirit!’.

Around ten, I left to pick up Nicole, making sure to give myself a few minutes so they had time to get Amanda ready for her role in our little prank. I pulled up the Morgans’ driveway around twenty minutes later. Nicole, dressed in an absolutely stunning floor length corset dress, bent over to kiss me before racing around to the passenger side to slide into the car.

“This is so cool,” she squealed as she pulled her seatbelt across.

“I ought to make you wear a blindfold,” I teased, “But in that dress people might just look at us funny.”

She giggled. “Maybe someday,” she shot back playfully. I could feel my cheeks burn, but I still giggled as I squeezed her hand. After turning around I pulled out into traffic. About halfway through town I stopped at a gas station to give the girls a little more time. By now they should’ve been at Jennifer’s house to pick her up.

Before long, we were back on the road again. We pulled off the main highway onto one of the side roads outside town. We had the perfect location picked out, pre-arranged it with the land’s owners and everything. It was a somewhat wooded area with plenty of places to hide, and a small, derelict barn in the distance. The setup was so perfect.

When we arrived at the designated spot, I pulled onto the roadside and stepped out. Nicole stepped out and walked around beside me, as we looked around the area.

“It’s so peaceful here,” Nicole mused. “Hard to believe there’s supposed to be a ghost here.”

Literally on cue, a twig snapped, catching our attention. “What was that?”

“I dunno,” Nicole whispered.

“I’m going to go check it out. Wait here just in case, okay?”

She nervously nodded. “Okay, but be careful.”

I silently breathed a relieved sigh that she hadn’t noticed how out of character it was for me to volunteer to go check out a spooky noise alone. I had no sooner disappeared from view when I could hear Allison doing her ghostly moan thing. It was faint and soft, but carried just enough to get Nicole’s attention.

“Who’s there?” I heard her call, and peeked around from behind my tree to see Amanda sneaking up on her. She stopped still in her tracks, waiting for Nicole to turn around. As soon as she did, a shrill, startled shriek rang out through the entire area.

A long silence followed, and Nicole started giggling. “Wait a minute, Amanda?! Is that you?”

Amanda cracked up. “Sorry,” she offered between giggles. Nicole raced over and knelt to hug her.

“You look great! Did Robin put you up to this?”

She shook her head, still giggling. Kelly and Jennifer emerged from their hiding place first, followed by Allison, who had by now laughed so hard she had tears in her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Allison offered, trying to stop laughing. “But that look on your face was so worth it. I hope you’re not mad.”

“Are you kidding?” she laughed. “That was great. I wish I’d thought of it!”

I stepped closer again as she stood, and wrapped her in a hug. “I really am okay with this sort of thing though, for what it’s worth.”

“Oh, next Halloween we are so taking the haunted graveyard tour!”

Jennifer giggled. “I can’t wait. Oh, hey Nikki?”

“Yeah?”

“Happy April Fool’s Day.”

“Thanks, guys.”

~oOo~

Nicole asked on the way back, if I minded her staying to hang out with Amanda. ‘She really is a cool kid,’ she added. Of course, I didn’t mind at all, so we spent most of the day together. Nicole, Allison, Jennifer, and I watched movies with her, and Allison even brought out some of her old board games from when she was younger.

All in all we had a great afternoon with our adopted sister, and of course, Amanda absolutely loved hanging out with ‘the big girls’ too. I left Amanda with Allison and Kelly so I could drive Nicole home that night. As we sat in her driveway, she gave a whimsical sigh, leaning over to steal a kiss.

“Thank you so much for today. Not just the April Fools thing either, but just, you know, getting to hang out with Amanda. I never got to be a kid like that and do silly stuff like playing board games or hide and seek. If you tell Ally or Jen, I’ll deny it, but I really had a lot of fun today.”

I smiled as I stepped out and walked around to open her door for her. I pulled her into a gentle hug as she stood, squeezing her close. “I’m glad you had fun too. I won’t tell the girls, partly because I’m the same way. I never got to play with dolls or anything, but I did have board games and Disney movies with Margie,” I giggled to myself. “And I know Amanda had fun. She really adores us.”

“She adores you,” Nicole corrected with a soft smile. “You’re going to make a great mother someday.”

“You don’t know how happy that makes me,” I offered softly as I put my head on her shoulder. She smiled as she kissed my cheek.

“Hey, I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true. Lots of couples adopt, and I’m adopted too, remember?”

“It’s not just that, Nikki,” I answered. I pulled back to look her in the eyes. She looked so beautiful, bathed in the combination of moonlight and the Morgans’ security light “I mean, that you think I’d make a good mother. That means so much to me.”

“I love you Robin,” she whispered.

“I love you too. I always will,” I answered as I walked her to the door. She turned back to kiss me one last time.

“G’night cutie,” she teased. I couldn’t help giggling.

“Sweet dreams, vampire.”

I reluctantly pulled away, but I waited for her to get inside before getting back into my car to head home. Amanda raced out to meet me as soon as I pulled into the driveway. Apparently Allison had already made sure she got her bath, as her wet hair lay flat against her back, and she had on the most adorable pink night gown.

“Hey you,” I cooed as I scooped her up in a hug then set her down again, walking her back inside. “Are you as ready for bed as I am?”

She nodded sleepily. “I had so much fun today, but I’m sooo sleepy,” she murmured, yawning in the process.

“Let’s get you into your sleeping bag then. Tomorrow I’ll see if Kelly can give us a ride to the park.”

“Why can’t you drive us?” she asked as I carefully lay her sleeping bag over a couple of doubled-over blankets for extra comfort, and laid one of my pillows down for her to use.

“Well, I don’t mind driving my friends or myself around, but I’d never forgive myself if something happened to you.”

She smiled and threw her arms around me. I scooped her up and held her for a minute as she whispered, “I love you Spirit.”

“I love you too sweetheart,” I whispered back, carefully setting her down again to help her into her sleeping bag.

~* Chinks in the Armor *~ “I’m sorry,” I whimpered. “I just needed to sit down. I didn’t want Margie seeing me like this. Nikki what I’m about to tell you, you have to promise you won’t tell Allison or Jen, or Mom or Margie alright?” Nicole nodded without hesitation. “Robin, you know you can trust me. I’ve told you things I never told anyone until Spring Break.” She gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.

---

Late Wednesday evening, after I had just dropped Jennifer off from gym practice, I was a bit shaken up. I fell while trying to learn a new aerial stunt, but what bothered me was the way I fell, my bases Jennifer and Victoria had to catch me, and Victoria’s hand brushed my inner thigh. Questions like ‘What if that had been closer?’ kept racing through my mind now that I was alone. ‘What if I would have been found out?’

I tried to force the thoughts from my mind, but they kept returning stronger and stronger, until by the time I made it back to Margie’s I was nearly in tears. Nicole’s Mustang sat parked in out front, and Josh’s truck parked in the Jones’. I wanted to wait in the car to compose myself, but Nicole opened the door from Allison’s and stepped out, rushing over to greet me.

“Robin, hey!” She suddenly stopped in her tracks. “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head quickly, but before I could speak she raced to the other side and opened the door, pulling me to my feet and into a desperately needed hug. I thought I saw Allison and Josh standing at the door, but the tears blurred my vision too much after that instant to say for certain.

“Hey, is this about the fall? Jen called and told us what happened.”

I tried to look Nicole in the face, but I couldn’t do it. Laying my head on her shoulder, I let her hold me instead, answering in a quivering tone as she stroked my hair.

“It’s not just that. Victoria almost found out,” I whispered.

“Found out what?” Nicole asked, sounding genuinely confused.

I sighed as I pulled away. I tucked my arms up close to my body as I walked away with her following close behind. I couldn’t let Margie see me like this so I walked around behind the house via the side yard.

I sat down on the old bench swing hanging from the tree, where this all began last summer and gave Nicole a token smile. She repeated her question, and I motioned for her to sit. I wrapped my arms around her as I nuzzled closer, breathing her scent deeply.

“I’m sorry,” I whimpered. “I just needed to sit down. I didn’t want Margie seeing me like this. Nikki what I’m about to tell you, you have to promise you won’t tell Allison or Jen, or Mom or Margie alright?”

Nicole nodded without hesitation. “Robin, you know you can trust me. I’ve told you things I never told anyone until Spring Break.” She gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.

“I was trying to learn a new aerial dismount. It’s not something we’d use in the competition, but I thought it would be fun to try since Victoria and Jen have been such amazing bases. But when I tried to drop out of the position for some reason I couldn’t unlock my knee. I lost my balance and fell. Jen, Victoria, and Sasha caught me, but the way I landed…” I buried my face in her shoulder.

Nicole cooed as she stroked my hair. “It’s okay. Take your time.”

I summoned my last bit of strength to whisper, “She almost touched my crotch.”

Nicole probably went a shade paler, but I couldn’t see. I had completely broken down now. I clung to her, and suddenly felt we were in motion. Nicole had planted the heel of her boot in the ground to start our swing slowly rocking as she held me.

“I was so freaking scared. But I couldn’t tell them why. I played it off as being afraid of breaking something from the fall, but assured them I was okay. We went on with practice, and that was the end of it. Or so I thought,” I exhaled. “Jen’s too smart for her own good, you know?”

Nicole laughed quietly at that despite herself. “Yeah, I know. One time before I met you, and before I started dating Jason, I was like, really depressed. Nobody knew because I was always moody, but this was different. She just walks up to me though and puts her arms around me, and says ‘Nikki, it’ll be okay’. That’s all it took before I was bawling.” Nicole pushed a few locks of hair from her face, exhaling slowly.

“But it’s what I needed. I needed to just… cry and get it out of my system.” She paused again to smile at me. “That doesn’t leave us, by the way. Ally never found out.”

I nodded. “It’s not just the fall though,” I replied slowly looking back up at her. “I’m so scared of being found out. I’ve been trying so hard to be the perfect girl everyone seems to think I am, trying to project this image and live up to the reputation I created for myself. Everybody expects me to do right by everyone else. They expect me to stand up to assholes and save kittens from trees; they expect me to be some kind of wonder-girl.”

I hesitated before correcting myself. “No, that’s not right. That’s what I expect from me.” I finally admitted.

Nicole stroked my hair as I cuddled closer to her again. Whether she couldn’t think of something to say, or was afraid to make things worse, she remained silent, slowly rocking me and letting me cry on her shoulder.

~oOo~

“I think I need to quit cheer squad.”

“What? Why?” Coach Greer nearly spit out her water. And I thought spit takes only happened in cartoons and bad movies. “Robin is this about the fall last night?”

Elaine had been typing away on something for the coaches in their office, but she abruptly stood. She paused to smile and hug me as she passed before scurrying out of the room and pulling the door closed behind her. I exhaled slowly as I moved to sit on the sofa, burying my face in my hands. Coach Greer moved to sit beside me, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

“Sweetie, everyone falls sometimes. Even Victoria never gets it right every time. When you fell off that horse at Girl Scout camp, you didn’t run away. You got back up and you got right back in the saddle.”

“But this is different. Victoria almost found out…” I whispered. Coach Greer frowned, listening as I told her the full details of the events leading up to my decision. Coach Wilson had slipped in about halfway through, and by the time I had finished I was in tears again, sandwiched between the two of them with a box of tissues in my lap.

“I just can’t take the pressure anymore. I can’t shower like a normal girl; I can barely use the girls’ restrooms half the time. They’re starting to catch on that there’s something wrong with me, and I can’t do anything about it. Even if they’re polite enough not to say something to my face, I know they’re talking about me.”

Coach Greer shook her head. “Jennifer would have said something to me if they were talking about you. If she even suspected something she would have told me. She called me last night even before Victoria had a chance to, to let me know you had a rough night at practice. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you, but Amanda had a dental emergency.” Immediately I looked up at her, forgetting my own troubles completely.

“Is she okay? What happened?”

Coach Greer smiled, perhaps not so much at me as Coach Wilson as she answered. “She’s okay. She lost one of her baby teeth. I'm taking her to the dentist this afternoon just to make sure her gums are okay.”

Coach Wilson smiled. “Even in the middle of a crisis you’re more worried about Amanda than yourself. Not all girls have that nurturing instinct, but it is a very feminine quality. It’s just one of several parts of a whole that make you the pretty, smart, caring, outgoing girl we all know you are.”

“But that doesn’t change that I’m ‘different’,” I sighed slowly. “I mean, what happens when we go to Nationals? I can’t just put on my uniform before we leave. There’s hotel accommodations to think about plus the actual event. I can’t change with other girls and I really can’t change with the boys.”

“We’ll figure something out,” Coach Greer answered. “You’re not the only girl who’s self-conscious about changing in front of others. It’s actually fairly normal.”

“Really?”

Coach Wilson chuckled to herself. “Very much so. I had a coach when I was in high school who suffered from the worst case of psoriasis you’d ever seen. She wore long sleeves even in the dead of summer. She wouldn’t take that jacket off for anything.”

“So what happened to her?” I finally mustered the courage to ask. Coach Wilson smiled.

“She’s currently coaching college basketball in Wyoming I believe. She was so happy she cried. But she still wears that jacket,” Coach Wilson chuckled, adding, “I realize that’s not the same as not being able to change with your peers, but can you imagine living every day as an adult having to worry about what your students will think of you?”

I managed a weak laugh. “Yeah, I can. It’d be like being stuck in high school indefinitely. Why did she stay though, if she felt so uncomfortable?”

“She loved coaching. She loved bringing out the best in athletes, but she never thought she’d get a job coaching college ball. Fortunately I had just graduated from college at that point so I was able to take her place here.”

“The point we’re trying to make,” Coach Greer finally said, “is that you can’t live your life in fear of what-ifs. You’re only going to make yourself miserable if you do. I don’t want to put any pressure on you, but if you drop out now, we’re not going to be able to go to Nationals either.”

“I hadn’t thought of that,” I cringed. “I need to see my therapist this weekend. I need to know what she thinks of me coming out to the team.”

“Why do you want to tell them?” Coach Wilson asked gently.

“Because it would be better that they hear it from me than to have another accident like last night and they find out the hard way. There’s just so much stress in my life to be this perfect girl. It’s my own doing. I want to be the perfect girl,” I finally sighed.

Both coaches giggled, and I felt Coach Greer’s hand on my back as she leaned closer to hug me. “Honey, there is no such thing as a perfect girl. There’s no such thing as a perfect human. It’s our imperfections that make us unique.”

Coach Wilson picked up where Coach Greer left off, “The girls on the squad as well as your tumbling classes know you have a birth defect that you’re very embarrassed about, and that’s not a lie. As far as I and the rest of the teaching staff are concerned, you ARE female, no ifs, ands or buts. You’re a girl, and frankly several of us wish we had more students like you.”

“I… I don’t know,” I sighed. “I just want to be seen for who I am inside. I still feel ‘incomplete’, but I can’t change that until I’m eighteen.”

“Again, what makes you a girl isn’t physical,” Coach Greer offered gently, “It’s what’s between your ears. To be perfectly honest, it’s only times like this when you’re doubting yourself that you ever remind any of us that you weren’t born female. You blend so well that we just forget.”

She paused a moment, then added, “Robin, I don’t want you to quit the cheer squad because I know it’s what you love doing. Your smile gives it away every time you’re out there practicing.”

“I do love it. I love the rush of performing, of being out there for everyone to see, not just me, but all of us working together. When we get a routine just right it’s such an amazing feeling.” I finally sighed. “Okay, I won’t quit the squad. I trust you to help me with the accommodations though.”

“That’s our job,” Coach Greer offered with a broad smile, “But even if it wasn’t, we’d still have offered. Steph and I really do want to see you blossom and grow. You have so much potential that we just hate to see you waste it burning yourself out like this, pushing yourself too hard. Promise us you’ll take it easy for a couple of days okay? I’m officially cancelling tonight’s practice.”

“What? No, please don’t do that!” I protested, but she shook her head.

“You’ve all been working too hard. Sasha and Tracy need a break too. You have Kenpo tomorrow night, but take tonight to get some rest okay?”

I nodded slowly, hugging Coach Greer, then Coach Wilson. “Thank you. Both of you. You really do go way above and beyond with me.”

Coach Wilson smiled as she shook her head. “Not really. We’d do the same for any student, but because we give them the same confidentiality that we give you, you just never hear about it.” She winked, leaving me wondering if she was serious or not, but it did make me feel a little better about taking up their time.

I stood to leave, very nearly running right over Katelyn as I pulled the door closed behind me. She smiled hesitantly.

“Sorry. I didn’t hear anything for what it’s worth, but Chelsea told me what happened last night. I was scared you were coming here to quit the squad.”

“I was,” I answered softly.

“You can’t!” she protested. “Robin, I blew my chance. You can’t blow yours too! Without you our squad can’t go to nationals. Even if they did ask me to replace you, which I doubt they would, there’s no way I could learn the moves in time.”

“Katelyn, slow down,” I interrupted, “They talked me out of it, for a lot of the same reasons.”

“Oh, good,” she answered, visibly relieved. “Well anyway, can you stop by my locker after school? I want to give you some new sheet music to work on in case you’re busy this weekend.”

“I won’t be busy. I’ve already missed two Saturdays. I do have an appointment with my therapist, but that’s in the afternoon, and honestly, I so need this. I’m starting to understand why Nikki and Ally love music so much.”

Katelyn smiled knowingly. “It’s stress relief for you too, right?”

“Yeah, exactly. I know I’m not very good, but playing feels like all my negative emotions are just flowing out of me and into the keyboard. It’s such an amazing feeling.”

Katelyn nodded as she looped my arm with hers to pull me along. “Come on, you. Nikki’s probably looking for you by now.”

~oOo~

Just as I left Katelyn’s locker with my new sheet music in-hand, I suddenly felt Nicole’s hand on my shoulder. I immediately turned to face her, and she wrapped me in a hug. Allison and Jennifer approached a few seconds later.

“There you are. Oh, new sheet music?”

“Yeah. Katelyn wanted me to have it in case I miss another lesson. I’m not going to miss another lesson though.”

Jennifer smiled as she hugged me. “Just don’t push yourself too hard alright? I know that was a nasty fall yesterday. It would’ve shaken me up too.”

I gave her a meek smile. “It’s not just the fall. There’s a lot more to it than that, but I don’t really want to get into it again. I talked to Coach Greer and everything’s sorted out.”

“So why do you still look so sad?” Allison asked next. I shook my head. Nicole knew, but I didn’t want to burden the others with it yet. Nicole, seeing my discomfort, changed the subject.

“Well, we’ve got a way to cheer you up. You know the community rec center downtown? Not the big arena where the Heedless Despair concert was held, but the place with the rock climbing wall and the gym where Victoria’s mom works?”

“Yeah?” I asked, not exactly sure where this was going. Allison smiled.

“We rented the paint room for a couple of hours tonight. Just the four of us and maybe Tracy.”

“Sasha might come too if she gets her homework finished,” Jennifer added. “Chelsea’s taking the night off to hang out with Maria and Katelyn I think, and Victoria’s got a hot date,” she giggled.

“So what is the paint room?” I asked as we started for the parking lot. Nicole giggled.

“Did you ever play with finger-paints as a kid?”

“Sure.”

“Well, this is like finger-paints for grown-ups. They give you a plastic smock and a hair net, and you take these big balloons filled with paint and just fling the things at huge tracts of butcher paper. Believe it or not some places even call this stuff modern art.”

I had to laugh at that. “Sounds like fun. Doesn’t the rec center have a food court too?”

Allison grinned. “Yeah. Avoid the fish, but the corn dogs are to die for!”

Jennifer giggled. “I know what you’re thinking. Before you say it, food’s on me. You need to unwind, seriously. You’re stressed out and we’re all worried you’re going to have a breakdown if you don’t just have some fun.”

Jennifer caught my hand, letting the others get slightly ahead of us for a moment as she leaned over to whisper, “Nobody’s perfect. Not even Chelsea.”

I looked back at her, and she smiled, giving my hand another squeeze before running to catch up to the others. Did she talk to Coach Greer? Doubtful. They said they kept all this to themselves. Maybe she knew why I was pushing myself so hard? She didn’t know why the fall freaked me out, which was what I had told Nicole, so she obviously hadn’t talked to her about that.

Sometimes I swore Jennifer knew me better than I knew myself.

“Hey, wait up!” I called after them, hurrying to my car.

~* Girl to the Core! *~ “I know you trust me. It’s just that you care so much about others’ feelings that you’re afraid sharing your own will hurt them. But that’s what friends do. We share our burdens because it lightens them and makes it easier to enjoy the good times we share.” “Thanks Ally,” I managed softly, hugging her neck.

---

I really appreciated what the girls tried to do to lift my spirits, and I admit I had fun just letting out my inner child for a short while, but I had trouble sleeping that night. My thoughts were plagued with nightmares of being discovered by someone and outed. I was a girl given the wrong body, and for awhile I had forgotten about that. I’d have a lot to talk to Barbara about Saturday.

I had just slipped on an emerald green knit top with my faded jeans when I heard someone knock on my bedroom door. Before I could open it, Allison poked her head inside and gave me a sheepish smile.

“Hey, how are you feeling?”

I approached and pulled her into a tight hug, resting my head on her shoulder. “I had nightmares all night,” I whined. She gently ushered me to my bed and sat down with me, still letting me cling to her.

“You’re not still thinking about that fall are you?”

I nodded meekly. “It wasn’t just a fall Ally.” I paused, sighing as I shook my head slowly. “Victoria almost found out.”

“What?! Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

“I was scared,” I whispered. “This has been building up for awhile though. Every time someone asks me why I have to leave to use the Coaches’ showers or why we can’t hang out and talk post-practices, and then when I fell, Victoria almost… caught me wrong, you know?”

“Oh my God… Robin I’m so sorry,” she answered softly. “No wonder you were so upset. I kept asking Jen why you didn’t just get up again, like you did at camp. Now it makes sense. But why were you scared? You know you can tell us anything.”

“It’s because I didn’t want you to worry about me. Things are going so well for you and Jen that I was afraid if I said something, it would only bring you down too.”

Allison shook her head, even laughing a little as she pulled me closer and kissed my forehead. “Robin, we love you. You’re like my sister. After everything you and I have been through together, you honestly believe I wouldn’t want to share everything with you? Remember the last time you had a really bad nightmare? I told you Nikki didn’t tell us what was going on, but the truth is, I didn’t give her a chance. Kelly came along because she was wondering what the hell I was in such a hurry for,” she added with a giggle.

I had to smile a little. “I’m sorry,” I whispered through sobs. “I’m sorry I didn’t trust you.”

“I know you trust me. It’s just that you care so much about others’ feelings that you’re afraid sharing your own will hurt them. But that’s what friends do. We share our burdens because it lightens them and makes it easier to enjoy the good times we share.”

“Thanks Ally,” I managed softly, hugging her neck.

She smiled back at me. “You’re welcome. Margie told me you were thinking about getting your hair done by the way. Not to change the subject or anything.”

I managed a laugh as I nodded. “Yeah. I’ve had it touched up, but I haven’t done anything major with it since my first date with Nikki. Can I ask your honest opinion?”

“Sure,” she answered without hesitation.

“Would you kill me if I dyed my hair?”

Allison giggled. “Why would I kill you if you dyed your hair? You’re not thinking of going blonde are you?”

“Oh my God no,” I laughed even as Allison fake-pouted. “No, blonde looks great on you, but I was thinking more of a dark auburn. I want to get a perm too. Margie’s stylist says that if I perm it now, then come back to her and get it treated in a few weeks, it’ll give me a nice, loose curl with the new color.”

“That sounds cute! It’ll really make your eyes pop too. I bet Nikki’s going to love it.”

“I hope so. I like Jen’s hairstyle, but hers is natural isn’t it?”

“Yes! I am so jealous. All she has to do is brush it once in awhile. It takes me an hour to get mine looking like this.” Allison paused to glance back at me. “So are you okay now?”

“A little, I guess. Saturday can’t get here fast enough. I’m going to talk to Barbara about telling the girls.”

Allison frowned. “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea, but I’ll support you. C’mon, we can talk about it on the way to school, okay?”

I smiled and nodded, grabbing my shoes. “Just give me a minute to do my makeup. I was going to dress down today, but suddenly I’m not feeling so blah anymore,” I giggled.

~oOo~

Saturday morning I had my first of two appointments with Margie’s stylist. I really wanted a nice, loose curl to my hair, but since I’d be dyeing it I had to work with a tighter perm for now. I thought about getting a proper manicure while there, but one major change at a time. I’d have to save that for Nationals.

I couldn’t help fidgeting as I drove to Nicole’s house. I hadn’t told her anything about what I was up to that morning, wanting to surprise her, but as I pulled up the driveway I suddenly wished I had a big floppy hat I could pull over my head.

Nicole bounded out the front door as I stepped out of the car, and I watched as she almost cartoonishly stared at me, her jaw hanging open. I decided to take it as a compliment and rushed over to grab her in a hug, kissing her softly. Like a princess in a fairytale, the kiss seemed to bring her back to reality. She smiled brightly and returned the gesture before nuzzling into my shoulder.

“Robin you look amazing,” she whispered before pushing me back to arms’ length to look again. “I mean… wow. I’m speechless! What’s the occasion?”

I shrugged a little. “I’ve been feeling so down about everything lately. Not just the fall, but trying so hard to be this perfect girl for everyone, trying to distance myself from my past, that I decided to treat myself, y’know? I needed a change, and Margie’s stylist had an opening this morning.”

“I’m normally not a fan of tight curls, but it looks so cute on you.” She paused as she sat down in the passenger seat of my convertible, giggling to herself as I joined her. “Then again, I’d say that if you shaved your head too.”

“So you’d be okay with me getting it color treated? I’m thinking of going dark auburn.”

“Oh, that’s going to look so good on you. Hey, did you get bangs?” she teased, playing with my hair as we pulled into the street. She added a moment later, “Are you sure you’re okay with driving to New Haven?”

“Yeah. Driving IN New Haven is another story though, but I think I’ll be okay. Are you sure you don’t mind coming with me?”

“Of course not. Besides, it gives us an excuse to cuddle on that big cushy sofa.”

“Like we needed one,” I teased. She laughed and squeezed my hand.

“I love you Robin.”

~oOo~

“That is an interesting dilemma,” Barbara spoke gently to the last fifteen or so minutes of my rambling. I nervously fiddled with the silver knotwork ring Nicole had given me for Valentine’s Day as I nodded. Nicole leaned closer, wrapping me in a much-needed hug.

“I just feel like if they find out by accident, that it’s going to be worse than if I just tell them. But if I tell them, it’s going to screw up our cohesion because it’s this huge secret I’ve been hiding from everyone.”

“Robin, may I be honest with you?” Barbara asked. She had a tone that every therapist should have. She knew how to set me at ease no matter how much what she said might have made me afraid if it were anyone else.

“Sure,” I offered in response.

“Is it possible that you still have fears of not being a real girl?”

I blinked at her. “What?”

She exhaled slowly as she set her notepad aside. She leaned closer, reaching out to squeeze my hand. “You’ve been working very hard this year. You’ve thrown yourself into everything you do, to the point that you’re going to exhaust yourself if you’re not careful. You try so hard to prove that you’re a girl, but who are you really trying to prove it to?”

Nicole smiled nervously as she added, “She’s right cutie. There’s not a guy in school who wouldn’t love to be your boyfriend, and more than a few girls who are super-jealous of you, but not one of them would honestly believe you if you told them you’re not a girl. Know why?”

I shook my head slowly. Barbara smiled. “Because you ARE a girl. If you look like a girl, walk like a girl, talk like a girl, and think like a girl, others will see you as a girl. Do you know who Marilyn Monroe is?”

“Sure. She was an actress in the … 50s I think?”

“There’s a story about her that once she was out shopping with a friend. No one noticed her or recognized her until she turned to her friend, smiled, and said ‘Do you want to see Marilyn come out?’ With a little mental adjustment she brought out Marilyn and suddenly everyone around them was clamoring for an autograph, shouting ‘Marilyn’s here’.”

Nicole grinned as she squeezed me close. “And it’s the same with you. Remember, Director Meredith thought one of the counselors was playing a prank, and that was when you had only been living as Robin for a short time. When I first saw you, I knew I wanted to kiss you, and I’ve only had that feeling for a select few girls, and absolutely no guys.”

“So how do I shift my mindset to ‘think girl’?”

Barbara chuckled. “Honey, I only told you that story to show you that you’re already doing it, and you just don’t realize it. There’s nothing you need to change other than to accept yourself as everyone else sees you. As a matter of fact, if I didn’t know you, and you told me you were transgendered, I would think you wanted to go the other way.”

“Wow. Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“So… What about my squad mates? I shouldn’t tell them, should I?”

“I would strongly advise against it for two reasons. The first is that they don’t need to know. There are certain measures you can take to avoid accidents like your fall, but you mentioned already talking to your friend’s sister Kelly about those. You also have to take into consideration that Nationals are a month away.”

“Not to mention Katelyn,” Nicole added. “She might take it the wrong way if she found out. Plus you’d have to tell Trent, and it’s really just better if no one knows, because it’s no one else’s business, honestly.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“You need to learn to accept yourself and not push yourself so hard. You’re a very hardworking young lady, but if you push yourself too hard you’ll only hurt yourself.”

“I’ll take a break after Nationals. I want to do the full two sessions at Girl Scout camp though. I know that sounds like more work and stress, but it really isn’t. Camp is my down time, like music camp is for Nikki.”

Nicole giggled. “Plus ‘Spirit’ is a minor celebrity there,” she teased.

“Thanks Barbara. I feel a lot better about all this.”

“I’m glad. Have you heard from your friend in Arkansas?”

“Not yet, but I’m not really expecting much. I signed my letter anonymously and gave it to Kelly to give to her sister, but I keep hoping I’ll hear some good news.”

Barbara smiled as she stood, and I followed suit to hug her. “Do let me know if you find out anything else that you feel comfortable sharing with me.”

“Oh, I’ll tell you whatever I hear. I think Kelly said they found her a good therapist, but that’s all I know so far. I’m honestly trying to put it out of my mind though because I know there’s nothing I can do.”

Barbara gave me a knowing smile as Nicole and I stepped out. Nicole grinned at me, squeezing my hand as we approached the elevators.

“So you really okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Better than I’ve been all week, actually. That’s why I love her. She has this way of just… making things so obvious that it’s hard to argue, and believe me, it’s not for a lack of trying to come up with a good one.”

Nicole laughed and put her head on my shoulder. “I love you, cutie.”

“I love you too vampire,” I teased.

~oOo~

“Wow, you’re in a good mood today,” Tracy mused as the four of us entered the school auditorium Sunday afternoon. She surprised me though, when she stood to hug me. “We were all a little worried about you. I know falling freaked you out more than you let on, but I figured it wasn’t my place to say.”

“I’m okay now,” I answered truthfully, lingering while Nicole, Allison and Jennifer took their seats. “I’m just so scared something like that will happen at Nationals.”

“Hey, if you expect it to happen you increase the likelihood of it happening. That’s just human nature. Try to focus on winning. Think about holding that first place trophy and screaming our heads off.”

“You really think we can win?”

“I don’t want to get my hopes up after they canned the idea for our first routine, but I think if we don’t try to win, we shouldn’t even be there. Not saying winning is everything, but that’s how I motivate myself to try my best.”

“I guess that makes sense,” I offered as we sat.

Coach Greer stood to take her place in front of us. I thought everyone had arrived already, but I could hear the back door to the auditorium opening, and at least one person stepping inside.

As Coach Greer continued to lecture us on what she could and couldn’t get done so far, the footsteps drew closer until I finally couldn’t fight my curiosity anymore. I looked back to see Director Meredith and Alice. Alice wiggled her fingers as she realized she had been seen. I grinned and waved back at her before returning my attention to Coach Greer.

“So basically, I feel that an entire week’s celebration might be too much, but it’s entirely possible to take a day, maybe next Saturday to tackle a community cleanup project. The city parks have some extra funds budgeted to plant new trees. They just need volunteers. I’ve also found a nice plot of land that would make an excellent garden. Any questions?”

Allison raised her hand. “I have a question. How did you get someone to just donate us a plot of land like that?”

Coach Greer gave the four of us a knowing smile. “Well, you know the expression ‘Nothing is ever free’, right? The catch is that we have to clear the land. I’m going to have my husband and his friends handle the heavy, dangerous work, but the rest is all yours.”

She smiled, motioning for Meredith and Alice to approach.

“Some of you remember my sister-in-law, Meredith Greer, from Girl Scout camp, and if you attended last summer you’ll remember Alice Mason.”

Alice smiled as she waved. “Hi guys.”

“Mer and Alice have volunteered to help with the two projects. Alice is studying Biology with an interest in Conservation, and she wanted to talk to you about why conservation is so important. Alice?”

Alice smiled as she stepped forward as Coach Greer stepped aside. “Thanks Angela. I’m only in my Junior year, but the environment’s always been important to me. Some of you might remember my nature walks at Girl Scout camp last summer...”

~oOo~

“Spirit, hang back a second?” Alice called after me as the four of us stood to leave. I smiled back at her as I stepped closer.

“Sure. What’s up?”

“I wanted to talk to you about my sister. Well, no, I wanted to thank you actually.”

“Your sister?” I asked, confused.

“Yes. Kathy,” she paused. “Mason?’

“Oh my God.”

She giggled. “You didn’t know?”

“I had no idea. I mean she’s never mentioned it before. And you’re so different.”

Alice nodded. “We’re not really that close because of it. She used to think I was just so perfect, and we’d end up in stupid fights over it.” Alice sighed softly. “But lately, we’ve been trying to patch things up. She said that seeing the stuff you have to go through with Katelyn made her realize I’m not as perfect as she used to think. She’s just so self-conscious that she doesn’t realize what a smart, pretty girl she really is too.”

“Honestly she’s become one of my closer friends. We hang out at lunch all the time, and I really wish we could take her with us to Nationals so she could take pictures, but the yearbook’s already gone to print.”

“Yeah, but there’s still the school paper. I’m sure if you asked Angela she’d say yes,” she answered with a mischievous grin. I couldn’t help giggling as I hugged her.

“Alice, you’re a genius. You think Kathy’d want to go?”

“Oh, I’m sure she’d love it. Looks like the others are waiting for you so I’ll let you go,” she added with a grin. I giggled, holding up the car keys.

“They don’t have a choice. But I’ll talk to Coach Greer tomorrow before I ask Kathy. Hey, do you want to come hang out for awhile? We’re going out for pizza again.”

“Ohh, I can’t, but thanks. I have to get back to New Haven soon.”

“Aww, okay. See you next Saturday?”

Alice smiled, nodding. “Come Hell or high water. There’s still a lot I want to teach you guys about conservation, but I didn’t want to overwhelm you on the first day.” She giggled, waving as I turned to catch up to the others.

Nicole squeezed my hand as she bumped my shoulder gently with hers. “So, what was that about?”

“She wanted to thank me. It um... it turns out Alice and Kathy are sisters.”

Jennifer turned about, walking backwards as she shook her head. “Wait, you’re only just realizing that?”

“Well, yeah. I mean they’re just so different. But apparently she used to think Alice was perfect, until she met me and saw how much crap I’ve been through. And she doesn’t even know the half of it.”

Jennifer giggled. “Yeah, I guess I was kind of hard on Chelsea before this semester too, for the same reasons. But in my defense she never opened up about her feelings before either. Anyway, who wants pineapple on their pizza?”

Nicole groaned. “You are a pineapple.” I stared blankly at Nicole and she started to giggle. “What?”

“Not a thing,” I answered, still shaking my head. “Sorry I didn’t trust you before.”

Allison shook her head quickly. “I told you before, it wasn’t about trust. It was about you being afraid of bringing us down. There’s a huge difference. I’m still glad you decided to talk to me about what was going on though.”

“Pupukahi i holomua” Jennifer mused, but I interrupted her before she could give the translation.

“Unite to move forward, right?”

She giggled loudly. “You really were listening.”

“Of course I was. I told you before, I may not understand half of what you say half the time, but I do know that you’re usually right about these things.” I stopped, pulling her into a hug. “Thanks Jen. I love you guys.”

“And we love you too,” she answered with a simple, laid-back smile. “Now let’s get going before my stomach starts gnawing on my spine. I skipped breakfast this morning!”

---

Author's Note:
Thanks to my wonderful friends for getting me through some rough patches these last two weeks, and for reminding me that being a girl radiates from within. This chapter's for you.

Love,
~Zoe

~* Twisted Fate *~ “Hey girls,” she offered cheerfully, despite being clearly exhausted. “What are you doing here?” Allison wrapped her arms around Kelly’s waist before answering. “We came to talk to you. It’s about LeAnn.” Kelly’s expression shifted as she put away her phone. “I’ve been expecting this. Let’s head up to the roof. Hardly anyone ever visits the gardens up there so it’ll be nice and quiet.”

---

“It’s all about the music, about entertaining the fans,” Jessica, dressed as her Heedless Despair persona concluded in the informal interview, and the first in the band’s history, recorded just before their live show in Los Angeles, now being aired on a national news network.

The four of us sat in various stages of sprawled out Monday afternoon in front of the Jones’ big screen television to watch the interview. Conversation drifted back to the big cheer competition in a few weeks, and Allison had been about to turn off the television. Silence descended as the anchorwoman’s tone changed.

“And now we have an update on the story we’ve been following for you about a transgendered student in Arkansas.”

“Hey, turn that up!” I started, but Allison already had her hand on the ‘up’ button.

“For those of you who haven’t been following the story so far, this all began when thirteen year old Sarah Stevens was attacked by a fellow classmate. The FBI are treating this investigation as a hate crime and already there’s been quite a bit of drama surrounding the case. In the latest development, the young man accused of attacking Sarah is now behind bars again after violating the terms of his bail and attacking her again.”

No one dared to speak a word as the reporter gave a brief recap of Sarah’s attack at the mall and her return to school being met with protesters, finishing off with the actual second assault, and there was something about a break-in at a neighbor’s home, though by that point I had stopped listening. Jennifer reached over to hit the ‘Off’ button on the remote as I found myself cuddling closer to Nicole.

It was Allison who finally broke the uneasy silence, but softly. “Kelly works with a girl from Arkansas named LeAnn Stevens. She’s a first year med student, but Kelly says they’re really good friends. You don’t think they’re related do you?”

I buried my face deeply in Nicole’s shoulder. I couldn’t shake the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Jennifer spoke for me.

“I guess Kelly never told you about LeAnn’s sister?”

I glanced over just enough to see Allison shaking her head her head slowly, concern growing in her features. Jennifer sighed softly.

“Awhile back she told us about LeAnn having a younger sibling who’s … well … like Robin. Only she had a really rough life. Kelly asked Robin to write an anonymous letter to encourage her, and-”

I couldn’t take it anymore. “What if this is my fault?”

“Robin, slow down,” Nicole cooed; she cupped my face lightly and leaned forward to kiss my forehead. “We don’t even know if it’s the same person or not.”

“Then we need to find out. I promised myself I wouldn’t get involved beyond just writing a letter, but this changes everything.”

“Kelly’s still at the hospital. She’s supposed to be observing in surgeries until late tonight, but I think she said something about getting an hour away for a light meal in-between. If we hurry we can catch her.”

As I stood, reaching for my pocket to get my car keys, Nicole rested her hand over my wrist and shook her head. “You’re in no shape to drive. Let’s take my car.”

“Thanks Nikki,” I whispered as she stood, pulling me into a much-needed hug. “I know I’m just being silly, but I can’t help it. You saw the pictures just now.”

“I know. I’m curious too, even if this is the first I’m hearing of any of this.”

“Welcome to the club,” Allison teased, but gave Jennifer and me a good-natured smile. “I’m sure you had your reasons for not telling us.”

“Honestly?” Jennifer offered sheepishly as we followed Nicole up the stairs, “It slipped my mind until now. Kelly told us about LeAnn’s sister and asked Robin to write a letter, and that was the end of it until now.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Allison added, “But I hope it still is the end of it. LeAnn’s had it hard enough, from the little bit Kelly’s told me about her. I never met her, but like I said Kelly says they’re good friends.”

~oOo~

We rather quickly arrived at the hospital, where a familiar, though slightly less frazzled nurse was handing off a clipboard to the receptionist. The nurse smiled at us and started to turn away, though she stopped, turned back, and gave us a long, discerning stare.

“Oh hey, I know you!” she exclaimed as she pulled me into a hug. I couldn’t help giggling a little.

“I wasn’t sure you’d remember us.”

“Well sure I do. Not only did you bring some sunshine into a little girl’s life, you got me off night shift. Thanks to Linda and Kelly we were able to shuffle some schedules around. What brings you here today?”

“We need to talk to Kelly. Do you know if she’s out of surgery yet?”

The woman shook her head slowly. “I couldn’t say off-hand,” she began, but another woman spoke up behind us in a very distinct, sweet Southern drawl, though she had a sort of sadness to her tone.

“She just left OR headin’ down to the basement lounge for coffee.”

I turned back to thank the woman, but she had already left again. I could feel a lump in my throat as we crossed the lobby to the elevators.

“Anybody know where the lounge actually is?” Nicole teased. Allison shook her head.

“There’s probably a map somewhere. If not we can ask someone.” She paused to give me a light nudge. “Hey, Robin, you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. I think we just missed LeAnn though.”

Nicole nodded. “How many southern girls could there be running around here? Well, besides me,” she added with a teasing smile. “It’s just as well we talk to Kelly instead though.”

“She’s got a point. Unless you’re ready to out yourself to her, it’s probably better she doesn’t know who you are yet,” Jennifer added. “I know you’re worried, but we have to think about your safety too.”

I exhaled softly, leaning into Nicole for a moment just before the elevator doors finally opened to reveal Kelly inside, holding a cup of coffee in one hand and a smart phone in the other. She seemed blissfully unaware that the doors had opened until we stepped inside. She blinked a few times as she stared at us.

“Hey girls,” she offered cheerfully, despite being clearly exhausted. “What are you doing here?”

Allison wrapped her arms around Kelly’s waist before answering. “We came to talk to you. It’s about LeAnn.”

Kelly’s expression shifted as she put away her phone. “I’ve been expecting this. Let’s head up to the roof. Hardly anyone ever visits the gardens up there so it’ll be nice and quiet.”

~oOo~

Kelly led us through the small rooftop garden to a cozy little gazebo, affording us a breathtaking view of Alpine Springs, as well as a secondary safety ledge beyond the high rail surrounding the rooftop.

“It’s so peaceful up here,” Kelly added. “LeAnn and I sometimes come up here to talk. That girl has more personal demons than anyone I’ve ever met to still be so sane.”

“So Sarah is her sister,” I concluded softly. Kelly answered with a gentle nod as she pulled me closer. I leaned into her and put my head on her shoulder. “This is exactly what I was afraid would happen to me if people found out.”

“I know sweetie,” Kelly spoke barely above a whisper. “It’s what I was afraid would happen to you both. How did you find out about it?”

“We were watching the Heedless Despair interview clip from Showbiz Tonight, and they ran the story right after that. What’s going to happen to her?”

Kelly shook her head slowly. “I wish I had an answer for you. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner. LeAnn flew down right after it happened. She said Sarah’s staying with some friends, so she’s in a good place despite everything.”

“Kelly, she was attacked again today,” Allison finally spoke up. Kelly’s face fell.

“Oh God no. Is she okay? When did it happen?”

“About an hour ago according to the news report. They let the guy out on bail and he went after her. Apparently she defended herself with a mop handle before the police could get there. They said she wasn’t physically hurt though, just shaken.”

“I’m more worried about those freaks protesting,” Nicole added with bitter disgust. “Anything they can do to get in the spotlight, y’know? It’s like they don’t even give a damn that they’re protesting a kid! It’s disgusting!”

“Does LeAnn know, I wonder? She sounded pretty down earlier.”

Kelly frowned. “I bet she does. I wondered why she seemed more upset than usual, but she didn’t want to talk about it; I guess because she knew I’d be in surgery again soon. I still wish she’d said something though.”

“Kelly, you don’t think this is because of my letter do you?” I finally asked.

Kelly shook her head. “I don’t think so, no. From how I understand it, she was out as Sarah for the first time at a completely different town. The bully running into them there was just a coincidence, and even then he apparently didn’t recognize her at first.”

LeAnn spoke softly as she approached us, but it still caused me to jump.

“If anything, that letter helped her out a lot. Sorry for eavesdropping. I figured I’d come up here and get some fresh air. I guess y’all heard about what happened today.”

I let go of Nicole’s hand as I stood and stepped down from the gazebo. She looked like she really needed a hug, even if it was from a complete stranger, so I took the initiative. She smiled meekly in return.

“Thanks. I guess you’re “Spirit” huh? Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.”

“I am so sorry for all this. If there’s anything we can do,” I started, but she shook her head.

“You’ve already done a lot to help. I can’t ask anything else. Thank you though.” She glanced over at the others briefly. “So this is your support group?”

“That’s Ally, Jen, and Nikki, yeah. There are a couple of others I met at Girl Scout camp last summer, but they’re the only ones who know the whole story. They’re the whole reason I’m even here instead of sitting at home back in San Francisco watching the paint peel.”

LeAnn stifled a small giggle at that as she walked with me back to the little gazebo. Nicole moved over, letting LeAnn sit beside Kelly whilst I sat down beside her, taking Nicole’s hand again in the process. LeAnn exhaled slowly as she leaned into Kelly, who wrapped her in a friendly hug.

“If it helps, I have a ‘dummy’ e-mail address set up from when I wrote for the school paper briefly.”

Jennifer added, “She wrote an advice column called ‘Spirit Speaks’, but had to take a break because of school stress.”

“I was pushing myself too hard to try and be this perfect girl. I’m worried about your sister falling into that same trap. I know it’s not much, but I’ll give you that e-mail address to give to her so we can stay in touch. Maybe it’ll help her if she can connect with somebody who at least kind of understands.”

The corners of LeAnn’s lips tugged into a small smile. A trickle of a tear rolled down her cheek as she emphatically nodded. “That’d be great, if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure. My name isn’t on the account or anything. It’d just arrive as ‘Spirit’, but that’s the name she has for me anyway. I’d be lying to say I don’t feel really guilty about all this though.”

“But why?” LeAnn asked, surprised.

“It’s because I never had to face what she’s going through. I moved here from California. Even when my past did catch up with me, it all worked out eventually. It’s just not fair.”

“I know. Sometimes life ain’t fair. I feel the same way. I feel like I abandoned her to the wolves when I came here to study medicine, but when I got accepted to Harvard, I just couldn’t say no, y’know? But I can’t afford to move her here too, plus she finally has friends there. I can’t tear her away from that.”

LeAnn paused to smile as she turned to me. “Like I said, that letter of yours helped a lot. Sarah told me today that she showed it to her friends n’ told ‘em about you, what you said about surrounding herself with people she can trust. She’s puttin’ on a brave face for the public, but behind the scenes, it’s those three girls keepin’ her sane. It’s me who should be offerin’ to help you now, not the other way around.”

I shook my head slowly as I smiled back at her. “Really, it’s nothing. I just told her the truth. But when I told her there would be dark times, I never dreamed it would be this bad either.”

“Oh hon, none of us did. But you told her, and me, exactly what we needed to hear too. So I’ll say it again. If you ever need anything, you don’t hesitate to ask. And I’ll do everything I can to make sure none of this comes back on you. The PA’s tryin’ to push this through to federal court as soon as possible, and given the heated nature she wants to have the case heard before the Supreme Court in D.C. Everything’s movin’ so fast my head’s spinnin’, but I’ll let y’all know as soon as I hear somethin’.”

Kelly nodded and gave LeAnn a gentle squeeze. “I should get back downstairs before they send someone to look for me, but LeAnn, I’ll come find you before I leave to make sure you’re okay to drive home, alright?”

LeAnn nodded with a quiet chuckle. “I’m carpoolin’ actually. I haven’t slept well in awhile, and New Haven’s a long drive when your eyelids won’t stay open. Still I wouldn’t mind you settin’ someone straight that you and I aren’t … Well…” she paused to blush, adding, “I mean, that you’re seein’ someone and I’m … interested in someone else, y’know?”

Kelly giggled. “Oh, sure thing. You’d think everyone would know that by now,” she added with a dry laugh as she stood, stepped down off the gazebo, and turned back to wave at us.

LeAnn smiled as she turned back to me. “Thanks Robin, girls. I think I might actually make it through the rest of my day now.”

“A little hope goes a long way,” Nicole offered, shooting Jennifer a playful smile. Jennifer stifled a small giggle.

“You’ve been hanging around me too long. But she’s right. Keep in touch, and let us know what happens. We’ll keep you both in our thoughts. While I can’t speak for the others I’ll keep you in my prayers, as well.”

LeAnn smiled as we all stood, exchanged hugs, and quietly filed out back into the main hospital area. Jennifer and I still had part of our cheer routine to work on, and we all had an English group assignment to finish, but at least now we could move forward on it with a clear conscience.

~oOo~

Tuesday and Wednesday passed by relatively peacefully, all things considered, but I began to follow Sarah’s story like a hawk. I checked my e-mail at every opportunity, though without any new mail. Thursday evening, following cheer practice, I sat down at my laptop. I still hadn’t had my shower yet, so I only intended to check for messages from Andrea when, on a whim, I opened my web-mail account for ‘Spirit Speaks’. A letter from John Stevens titled ‘Hi’ awaited me.

Dear Spirit,

I know the name on my account probably says ‘John’, right? Sorry about that. I was meaning to write sooner, but you know how things are down here. Anyway since Nathan’s arrest things’ve calmed down a little bit. Still got problems with idiots and bigots, but what’re ya going to do.

LeAnn told me you felt guilty about what happened to me. Don’t. My new friends think he might be gay and lashing out at me because of it. I don’t think they really get that I’m not gay, but they’re okay people. I know I didn’t like Nathan’s kiss. Does that make me straight or lesbian? I’ll have to talk to my therapist about that one once all this is over, haha.

Anyway I wanted to thank you personally for your letter. Christina wants to know what perfume that was tho, cause we can STILL smell it. Take care, and wish me luck. I’m gonna need it. Take care of LeAnn too. I think she’s taking this harder than anyone including me.

Sarah

I smiled to myself as I read the letter. After forwarding a copy to the girls, I closed my laptop, and stepped out to get my shower. I’d need time to think of an appropriate reply, and since we couldn’t do a full Earth Week, we would be doing an event this weekend, with another the weekend of Earth Day itself, so I already had quite a lot on my mind.

~oOo~

I was out of bed bright and early Saturday morning. As one of the older Girl Scouts, I had to be because my car would be used to help haul supplies. Carol had offered to let me drive her SUV, but I barely felt comfortable in my little sports car, let alone a tank like that. I’d just have to stick to hauling bags of potting soil and other light equipment.

By now I had donated pretty much all of my old boy clothes to charity. None of them fit properly anymore, anyway, so I instead pulled on an old pair of jeans with my CIT t-shirt and the hiking boots the girls helped me pick out last summer, pulling my hair back with a small green ribbon to match my top. I used to be self-conscious about not wearing makeup, but cheer practice, and seeing everyone else ‘without their face’ quickly broke me of that habit.

“Morning Robin,” Allison called cheerfully from the entryway as I stepped off the stairs. She had on her CIT shirt as well, but with a much rattier pair of jeans. One of the pockets looked badly frayed, and the right knee had been torn wide open. She noticed me staring and giggled. “Not a word. I busted the knee out of these on our last hiking trip over Spring Break. Ready to go?”

“Yeah. Did you talk to Josh about bringing his truck?”

Allison smiled sweetly as she nodded. “Sure did! He’s going to meet us at the park. He’s not thrilled about the idea of being surrounded by Girl Scouts, but he said since it’s for a good cause, and that we’d be there, he’s okay with it.”

I couldn’t help laughing as we walked out to my car. “He knew what he was getting into with dating one of us.”

“Yeah, but I still feel bad. So who do we need to pick up?”

“Just Jen; I think Kathy’s coming with Alice too, and Nikki’s giving Tracy a ride since her car’s in the shop.”

“Uh oh. Again? If this keeps up we’re gonna have to turn Nikki loose on that thing.”

“Yeah, really,” I answered as we pulled out of the driveway. After getting Jennifer, we stopped off at a drive-through for breakfast burritos before heading to our first stop. Each of us with access to a vehicle had a separate job. Nicole and I would be hauling tools and saplings, so the tentative plan was to meet at the hardware warehouse to pick up the first bunch of saplings, and make a second trip later if we needed.

Tracy groaned playfully as the three of us approached, seeing we all had worn our old camp t-shirts, including Nicole. “Please tell me you planned that?”

Jennifer giggled. “No, we’re just psychic. It’s like some sort of freaky twin power.”

“Yeeeah, anyway, it looks like we’ll be making two trips. The city people ordered a whole lot of saplings for planting, but I think we can get a few um… ‘sets’? Whatever they’re called, into each trunk. I was flirting with- I mean talking with one of the seniors who works here on weekends and he said this is the biggest order so far.”

“I wonder if Tina’s gonna show up,” Nicole teased, shooting me a grin.

“Tina?” Tracy asked. Allison giggled.

“Yeah. Tina Gale, the news lady. She has a talent for being wherever Robin is, usually coincidentally.”

“Oh, her,” Tracy answered as we followed her inside. “Yeah, that would be kinda cool. Didn’t she interview you guys before the big HD concert awhile back? Oh, there we go,” she interrupted herself, pointing to a middle-aged man in a red vest pushing a pallet partially covered in saplings and a large sack that looked to hold several garden trowels and varying sizes of gloves. I couldn’t resist shooting Tracy a questioning glance.

“Um,” I started, but she shook her head.

“No, that’s not him, goofball! Those are our trees though,” she added, smiling as the man approached.

“All set?” he asked in a friendly tone. Tracy nodded.

“We’ll be back for the rest later, or get Allison’s boyfriend over in his truck after he picks up the bigger ones. Thanks again for bringing these out for us.”

He chuckled as he followed us out to where our cars were parked. “It’s no problem. I’m just glad to see kids so enthusiastic about Earth Day.”

Allison bobbed her head and giggled. “We originally wanted to do an entire Earth Week thing with a big carnival, but between other stuff getting in the way and Easter falling on the same weekend it just didn’t work out. There’s always next year though.”

“Oh, yeah?” he asked, as he carefully loaded the last of our cargo. “Well here’s hoping you get a chance. I’m sure my super would give you a discount on any supplies since it’s for a good cause.”

~oOo~

Though there was at least no sign of a news van to be seen, there were quite a few cars in the city park’s parking lot, and as we started to unload our saplings, a couple of apparent fathers, judging by the women and children who had just gone across the rope bridge into the park itself approached us. One man, dressed in khaki slacks and a casual shirt, spoke first.

“We couldn’t help noticing your t-shirts. Do you girls need help carrying all that?”

The second added, “I thought Earth Day was next week; getting an early start?”

Jennifer smiled cheerfully. “We’re volunteering for the park beautification project. Basically we’re here to plant trees as part of teaching the younger scouts about the environment and conservation, since Earth Day is coming up this Friday. Next week we want to clean up an old lot and plant a garden. If you’re sure you don’t mind helping, it’d definitely save us an extra trip back.”

“Sure thing,” the other man answered, and with the pair’s help the seven of us quickly made our way across the bridge. At first glance I thought it had looked a little rickety, but I hadn’t noticed the solid wood frame underneath until we were actually on top of it, a small, babbling brook running just a few feet deep further down.

Alice and Angela stood beneath the park’s main pavilion, not unlike the one at camp, though a bit smaller, with the rest of the girls gathered around the picnic tables there. When we approached, Alice waved us over. “And here comes the cavalry! Just in time, girls. Oh, hello there,” she offered warmly to our two helpers.

“Thanks so much,” Allison spoke cheerily as they set their saplings on an unoccupied table. They both smiled as they waved, turning to rejoin their families. Allison turned back to Alice and Angela. “What was that about the cavalry arriving?”

Angela frowned. “Josh just called to let us know he has a flat tire, so he’s going to be a little late. Now that you’re here though, we can at least get started on planting the saplings.”

Alice picked up from there, “The city wants to keep some of this as open area, but,” she paused to unfurl a map, holding it up against one of the pavilion’s pillars so everyone could see, “They want to plant new trees in the area circled in green. It’s already been roped off, so all we have to do is hop to it. By the way, I brought a pair of five gallon water coolers if anyone gets thirsty. The blue one has plain water and the orange one has sports drink.”

Nicole raised her hand, adding, “And if you’re like me and you burn super-easily, I brought extra sunblock.”

“Oh, that’s a great idea,” Alice replied. “Everyone make sure to put on some sunblock. It may not feel that warm yet, but working in the sun can be really hard on your skin, even if you’re naturally tan,” she glanced at Allison with a playful grin. Allison laughed.

“Yeah, she’s right. Skin cancer’s no joke guys. Pass me that sunblock Nikki,” she added, just to hit the point home.

~oOo~

We spent most of the morning planting saplings, and while Tina never showed, we did have a reporter from the local newspaper stop by for a few pictures. I was especially proud of the picture of Amanda filling in soil around the base of one of our larger trees as Jennifer and I held it in place for her.

After a light, early lunch of sandwiches which Alice generously provided, we finished planting the last of our trees, resigning to the pavilion afterwards for a few words from Alice emphasizing why it’s so important to plant fresh trees. It was a good thing though, that we decided to hold two events instead of doing the lot cleanup that afternoon, as most of us were dead tired by that point.

As soon as I got home, I went straight to the sofa for a short nap. It felt like I had only just closed my eyes when I heard someone knock at the front door though. I groaned as I rolled over, nearly right off the sofa, and pushed myself up.

“Hi Robin. Wow, you look wiped,” Katelyn mused. “I didn’t wake you up did I?”

“I needed to get up anyway,” I offered sleepily. “And before you ask, yes, I still want to do our lesson. I’ve been looking forward to it since Monday.”

Katelyn gave a reserved smile as she nodded. “Alright, out with it.”

“What?”

“You’ve been kind of mopey all week. What’s going on?”

I bit my lip before answering. “I’m just worried about a friend. She’s in a bad place right now, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“Of course there is,” Katelyn answered as she reached out to take my hand, pulling me along toward the Jones’. “You can be her friend. I mean, Maria never gave up hope that you and I would eventually work things out, right?”

“Yeah, I guess so. Anyway, what’ve you got for me today?”

“I thought we’d work on your Beethoven a little, and then switch it up with a more advanced version of the Ballroom scene from Beauty and the Beast.”

~* High Spirits *~ “Katelyn, what’s wrong? Whatever it is you can tell me.” “I-” she stammered, shaking her head slowly. “It was an accident. It was a stupid fluke, and it shouldn’t have ever happened, but it did, and now I don’t know what to think.” “What happened, exactly?” I asked, growing more concerned now. She sighed softly, shutting her eyes.

---

Over the next week, I stayed in touch with Sarah through my ‘Spirit Speaks’ e-mail. The irony of giving up my advice column only to use that address to help someone who genuinely needed all the help she could get hadn’t been lost on me, but I wanted to help her, even if only a little. I felt guilty.

I was living the dream, while she was living my worst nightmare. When Kelly reminded me that she changed schools before transitioning, living “the dream” as well, it did make me feel better, but we both knew Sarah wouldn’t have that option. She had a long, difficult road ahead of her.

“Hey Robin,” Victoria offered cheerfully as she approached me at my locker. I had English next, which wasn’t far, so I picked up my textbook and writing folder, turning back to wave with my free hand before pushing my locker closed.

“Hi Victoria; what’s up?”

“Not much. Um, actually, I have a favor to ask you and Nikki. If you want I’ll wait until I can talk to you both. It’s kind of a big thing.”

“Okay,” I offered hesitantly, causing her to laugh as she shook her head.

“No no, it’s nothing bad. It’s just a real long shot deal.”

“What is?” Nicole asked as she approached with Jennifer and Allison. “Sorry I’m late, cutie,” she teased as she wrapped an arm around my waist. “Jen and Ally were helping me scour the school library for a lost book I know for a fact I turned in last month.”

Victoria’s smile brightened. “Speak of the devil. Okay, here’s the thing. I’m kind of the head of the prom planning committee. We were supposed to get Ancients to play our prom, you know, that Nu Metal group? The band just broke up over drama, and their manager’s having a nervous breakdown, so even if they did reform in time, there’s no way they could play at the prom.” She paused to catch her breath, and Nicole grinned.

“And you want us to ask Heedless Despair, right?”

“I wouldn’t be asking if I weren’t completely desperate. Last year we had a DJ who couldn’t understand the concept of slow music. I just want my last prom to be special, you know?”

“I can’t promise anything,” Nicole responded, but with a sympathetic smile, “But I’ll give them a call. They’re just wrapping up their US tour this Friday in Seattle. When’s the prom anyway?”

“May 16th. Graduation ceremony’s the 20th.”

“And Nationals are the 14th,” I concluded. “The school’s cutting it close this year aren’t they?”

Victoria giggled. “Well, yeah, it was just bad timing really. Nobody knew we’d be going to Nationals in D.C. this year, or that I’d end up heading the planning committee. So anyway, since you’re willing to try, even if things don’t pan out, I have a gift for you guys.”

“Ooh, what is it?” Nicole teased. Victoria shook her head, laughing.

“Come talk to me in a couple of weeks. I’ll have prom tickets for all of you and your dates, unless you’re dating a Junior or Senior in which case you can get in with them.” I think our jaws collectively hit the floor at that. Victoria smiled. “It’s my way of saying ‘thanks’. I told you, I’m really desperate here. Besides, nobody’s going to mind a few Sophomores there, especially if they’re the reason Heedless Despair comes. No pressure,” she added with a purely chiding tone before turning to race off to her next class.

“Um, wow,” Jennifer mused. Allison giggled as we started for English together.

“Yeah, really. Josh already asked me, but I was gonna say no because I thought you guys wouldn’t be able to go.”

“I just hope the school’s okay with ‘us’,” I added, glancing at Nicole. She smiled as she squeezed my hand.

“Are you kidding? They’re so scared of the ACLU they wouldn’t dare try and stop us. … Besides, we’re not the only gay couple in school. There’s even a club.”

“There is?”

She smiled as she nodded. “I’ve been talking to some of the members about what it is they do, exactly. Basically it’s the same as any other club, meet to hang out with like-minded people. I also asked if it would screw with your schedule. They meet once a week during lunch, so it’s no big.”

“Sounds like fun. Want to check out the next meeting together?”

“Sure. I was worried about bringing it up because I didn’t want to sound like I was pressuring you or anything. I just thought it’d be fun to check out, since they all seem like nice people. You’d be surprised who else is there though,” she added with a teasing smile. “But I promised I wouldn’t say. You’ll have to see for yourself.”

“Tease,” I shot back, stealing a quick kiss just before we entered the classroom.

~oOo~

Tuesday evening after gymnastics, just as I turned to step into the coaches’ office, I felt someone squeeze my hand lightly. It startled me, but at the same time it was a familiar sensation. I glanced back over my shoulder to see Katelyn smiling back at me.

“Hey, can I talk to you for just a second?”

“Sure. What’s up?”

She pushed past me, waiting for me to close the door. “There’s… There’s something I need to talk to you about. I know I have no right to ask this of you after everything I put you through-” she started, but I shook my head.

“Katelyn, the past is the past. What happened between you, Chelsea and me isn’t important to me. I let it go, and you should too.”

She sighed, surprising me as she stepped forward to wrap her arms around me, burying her sweat-glistened face in my shoulder. “You don’t know how much I needed to hear that right now. I need to be able to trust someone, and even with everything that’s happened, you’re the only person I know for a fact will understand.”

“Katelyn, what’s wrong? Whatever it is you can tell me.”

“I-” she stammered, shaking her head slowly. “It was an accident. It was a stupid fluke, and it shouldn’t have ever happened, but it did, and now I don’t know what to think.”

“What happened, exactly?” I asked, growing more concerned now. She sighed softly, shutting her eyes.

“I accidentally kissed Maria.” At that point she completely broke down. I carefully ushered her to the small sofa in the coaches’ office, sitting with her as she cried on my shoulder, literally, and waited for her to continue.

“We were just hanging out, y’know, talking about stuff. I told her I’d always be her friend, no matter what happened. She leaned over to kiss my cheek, y’know, sisterly thing, and I just turned my head at the wrong time. We laughed about it, and that was the end of it, but…”

I could see where this was going. “You liked it?”

“Oh my God, yes!” she exclaimed between sobs. “Maria’s my best friend. She’s like a sister to me, AND she’s dating Jason, plus she’s … you know, not into girls. I don’t think I am either. At least, I didn’t think I was. Now I don’t know anymore. All I know was it was nice, and that scares me to death, and I didn’t know who else to talk to, but if I didn’t talk to someone I was going to lose it.”

“Well,” I started, as I ran a hand over her back to try and reassure her, “I didn’t know where I stood either, until I met Nicole. Even before our first kiss, I knew I wanted to get to know her better at least. A kiss is a kiss. Some are nice, some aren’t. Enjoying a quick kiss with someone doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something more between you. I can tell you this much, the idea of kissing a guy literally makes my stomach turn. It’s the stuff of nightmares for me.”

She slowly looked up at me. “Really?”

“Yeah. I literally had a nightmare about it once, where Nikki dumped me right afterwards, and my whole world just fell apart. It was awful. And I think it was my mind’s way of telling me I don’t have to kiss a guy to find out I’m not into guys, y’know?”

“But I do like guys. I just … I think I might be interested in girls too,” she sighed. “I’ve been to a couple of meetings of the GLBTSA, but I never really participated.”

“The GLBTSA?”

“Gay-lesbian-bi-trans Student Alliance. You know, the club for…”

“Oh, the one Nikki was telling me about. Sorry, she kind of forgot to tell me the name.”

Katelyn laughed to herself. “It’s okay. They seem friendly enough, but it’s just hard for me to think I might be - well, that I might not be … ‘normal’. Um, no offense.”

“Katelyn, there’s nothing abnormal about being GLBT. You wouldn’t call me abnormal, right?”

“Now, or six months ago?” She smiled. “Sorry. The only thing abnormal about you is your uncanny ability to forgive people who don’t really deserve it.”

“And that has absolutely nothing to do with me dating a girl.”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

“At the last big cheer competition, Nikki and I kissed, once, because we were just lost in the moment, in the rush of finishing the routine still, but everyone saw it. So rather than going off somewhere and hiding, since I’d already outed myself in front of like, every school in Connecticut, I grabbed her hand and dragged her along with me to mingle and hang out with our fellow cheerleaders.”

“So what happened?”

“Well, at first everyone acted like they were afraid of us until Rachel and her squad came over to congratulate us. Once the others saw that we were just regular girls who happened to be dating, a few more came over to talk to us. There were a few snide remarks made, but they were shut down pretty fast by their own squads.”

Katelyn laughed. “Sorry. That’s just awesome. I’m glad I wasn’t there now though. I mean, y’know how I am about my temper.”

“We had a few girls ask us questions, you know, the usual ‘What’s it like’ kind of thing. I also took home the Most Spirited and Most Encouraging awards because of how I reacted to it all, apparently. See, dating a girl doesn’t define me. It’s not who I am. It’s just a small part of something bigger. I also like music, but that doesn’t make me the Scarlet Witch’s daughter.”

Katelyn smiled at that as she leaned closer to hug me then stood. “Thanks Robin. I guess I’ll see you at tomorrow’s meeting?”

I stood to hug her back, walking her to the door. “Yeah, Nicole and I will both be there. Oh, one more thing… In case you were wondering, this isn’t why I don’t shower with you guys.”

Katelyn smiled faintly as she nodded. “I was kind of wondering, yeah. But like I’ve said before, it’s not like I’d feel weird changing around you. I don’t think any of us do.”

“And no one else will feel weird about changing around you if you meet the right girl, either. It’s not what defines us.”

Katelyn shivered, but only slightly. “Us. Wow, that’s going to take some getting used to. But I guess that’s what the club is for. See you at school tomorrow,” she offered, pausing to smile back at me as she opened the door to step out.

Coach Greer, waiting on the other side, gave us both an acknowledging nod. “Hi girls. Everything alright?”

Katelyn quickly nodded. “Great. Fantastic even,” she answered, still smiling as she headed for the locker room. Coach Greer gave me a skeptical glance. I giggled.

“Katelyn just really needed a friend she could trust. And I really need a shower, but I’ll tell you about it after I’m done.”

~oOo~

Planning for our second Earth Week activity had mostly been handled at the last Girl Scout meeting, and like last Saturday we’d need to wear old clothes that we didn’t have to worry about being ruined. Still, this promised to be a lot more work than the last event. Planting trees is one thing, but cleaning up what amounted to an unsanctioned community junk yard was quite another.

Knowing we’d be getting new CIT t-shirts this year anyway, I decided to take a chance and wear my old one again. I pulled on my hiking boots, and as I stepped down the stairs, I poked my head in the kitchen to look for Margie.

She smiled from the kitchen table as she raised her coffee mug. Another, slightly younger woman with honey blonde hair, dressed in a beige business suit and skirt sat across from her with her back to me. She turned in her chair to smile at me, both women standing as I approached.

“Robin, this is Naomi Stewart, the CEO of Amber Sun Publishing. Naomi this is my baby sister Robin, the model for the Aria Blade character.”

“My goodness. You’re even more beautiful than your modeling photos.”

I couldn’t fight the blush as we shook hands. “Oh, thanks. I’m not even wearing any makeup or anything. I’m volunteering with our local Girl Scout troop today to clear out a spot for a community garden project.”

“Margie’s told me quite a bit about you and your friends. She insisted that I meet you personally before any contracts are signed. Tell me, do you have any prior modeling experience?”

I shook my head. “I’ve done a few photo shoots for Aria Blade and again for Margie’s new clothing line, but that’s about it.”

“Well, whatever you’re doing, don’t change a thing. I like the raw, natural style in your posters. I’d like to even hire the same photographer again. As I was just telling Margie, we’d like to preserve as much as possible of her own style. We want to recreate in nationwide syndication the same feeling that made Shadowcraft the cult hit that it is.”

“Nationwide?” I asked, surprised. She smiled cheerfully as she nodded.

“At the last convention in Boston, Margie generously allowed us samples of Shadowcraft comics to give away at our booth which proved to be extremely popular. While it temporarily drove up sales to the competition,” she paused to chuckle, “It also generated quite a lot of buzz about future installments.”

“I’ve got a lot of ideas. I’d like to get your friends from Heedless Despair involved in the next major arc if they have time, but that’s getting ahead of myself. For now, I just wanted you and Naomi to meet properly. I wanted her to understand why it’s so important for me to retain full creative control. We won’t keep you.”

“Oh, well it’s nice to meet you. My schedule’s pretty hectic, but I’ll do whatever I can to help out. I do need to get my Aria Blade costume altered before any new photo shoots though,” I added, glancing at Margie. She smiled as she nodded.

“I’m playing with ideas for another armor redesign anyway. Nothing’s set in stone, but if we do go that route I’ll warn you before we do anything.”

“Awesome. Anyway, my cell’s on if you need me.”

“You’re at your parents’ this weekend for Easter Sunday right?”

“Yeah. It’s going to be great. We’re going to have a big family dinner afterwards. You’re coming too aren’t you?”

She smiled brightly at that and nodded. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

As I turned to step out, I overheard Naomi remark, “She’s such a sweet girl.”

I giggled to myself as I headed over to the Jones’ to collect Allison.

~oOo~

We spent the better part of the morning loading brush, old tires, and other large objects onto our volunteer helpers’ trucks. We even found an old car someone had dumped. Unfortunately it had been so badly rusted out that nothing was salvageable, so we called a tow truck to haul it away.

Once we had a clear plot to work with, we divided up tasks between hand-tilling the land, planting, and laying fertilizer, which sounded like a more work than it really was, considering how many people we had between scouts, Josh, and adult supervision, and by noon we thought we were finished for the day, until Josh pulled up, not in his regular vehicle, but driving a large flat-bed truck loaded down with small trees.

Allison raced over to meet him. They shared a quick kiss before she glanced back at the payload, asking, “So what’s all this?”

“Well I knew you wouldn’t be using the entire plot, so I talked to my uncle at the hardware store. These are all ready to plant apple trees. He says these will be ready to harvest in a couple of years, but it’s something that as long as you take care of them, will be here for years.”

Alice smiled approvingly as she approached us. “That’s probably the most valuable lesson anyone can take away from this. We’re not doing this just for ourselves or for the community, but for our future generations too. Years from now Girl Scouts will be able to come here and learn about conservation while enjoying a fresh apple,” she teased, adding, “Let’s get these unloaded. We’ll have a miniature orchard in no time!”

~oOo~

I was so sore when I woke Sunday morning, that I could barely move. All that hard work had really paid off though, and now we not only had a community garden, but also a small orchard planted. I rolled over onto my side just as Mom poked her head around the corner.

“Morning honey,” she cooed as she approached, sitting on the edge of my bed. She reached out to run her fingers through my hair as I grunted back, causing her to chuckle. “You overdid it again didn’t you?”

I nodded into my pillow. “Mmhmm. It was worth it though.”

“I have a surprise for you, but you’ll have to get up to see it.”

“Okay,” I mumbled, pushing myself over onto my back with a light groan before sitting up. Mom pointed to my computer desk, where a broad, white Easter hat sat propped on a small basket.

“Margie helped me pick it out. Except for the ribbon’s color I have one just like it. Oh, and the basket’s full of low-sugar chocolate, but you really can’t tell a difference.”

I smiled as I wrapped her in a hug, leaning into her to kiss her cheek. “I love you Mom. Happy Easter.”

“I love you too sweetheart. Now go get a shower, and I’ll help you with your hair.”

“Margie’s stylist says I can come back and get it color-treated again if I don’t like the color. She wasn’t kidding about it relaxing the curl though,” I added with a giggle as I slid out of bed.

“Auburn looks lovely on you. I knew it would. You look even more like your sister,” she teased as I grabbed my bathrobe and stepped out of the room. Ash had been renovating the smaller upstairs bathroom, so I continued past it to the master bedroom, where the much more spacious master bathroom awaited. I wished I had time to soak in the tub, but I needed to be ready before Nicole arrived, so I opted for a shower instead.

Mom and I had picked out a really cute Easter dress for me. Normally I didn’t care for pastels because, with my naturally pale skin, pastels just washed me right out, but my dress was only passably pastel, a lovely shade of mid-ranged blue with thin shoulder straps and white accents that, coupled with the new hat she surprised me with, would look absolutely precious.

She just finished working on my hair and pinning the hat in place while I sat patiently at her vanity, when someone knocked at the bedroom door. I half-expected my step-dad when I looked up, instead seeing Nicole dressed in a gorgeous knee-length lavender dress in a similar style to mine. She giggled as she approached, and I stood to wrap her in a hug.

“You look beautiful,” we exclaimed in unison, giggled, and shared a quick kiss. Nicole smiled broadly as she turned to Mom.

“Wow, Linda you look amazing.”

“Thank you Nikki. You look adorable,” she answered. Nicole giggled as she squeezed my hand.

“Thanks. I’m sooo nervous. I didn’t have a thing to wear that really fit the occasion so I got Margie to recommend something for me. Anyway, I’m just going to leave my car here and ride with you guys if that’s okay.”

“That’s fine dear,” Mom answered as she put in her earrings then turned to hug us both, adding, “You two are so cute together. Are you ready to go?”

I nodded. “I just need to get my purse, and my ring. I never go anywhere without it.”

~oOo~

True to form, David’s service was wonderful and really inspiring. More than once he reinforced such tenets as not simply tolerating, but accepting and loving others, and as if to hit the point home, he said he would speak ‘off the cuff’ at the end of the service, talking about the Girl Scouts’ work lately, and making us all stand up to be recognized.

The irresistible scent of roast in onion gravy wafted through the entire house. Margie’s car rolled to a stop just out in front, and she stepped out in her beautiful floral dress, waving as she approached.

“Thanks for inviting me, Linda. I had my doubts but that really was a beautiful service.”

“I wish Kelly could have come as well, but she had an unavoidable shift at the hospital,” Mom answered as the two passed through to the kitchen together, meanwhile Nicole and I sat down on the sofa with Dad in a nearby chair.

Nicole smiled brightly at him. “We need to do this more often. You know, big family get-togethers. One of these days we need to get all our families together for a big picnic or something.”

“That’d be great,” I answered with a giggle. “Our dads standing around the grill arguing about whose grilling style is best, moms and sisters gossiping about how we’re doing in school. Hopefully Moira’s in town when we do.”

“Moira?” Nicole asked, but smiled.

“Well, yeah. She’s as much your big sister as Margie is to me. Plus she lives with Jane when she’s not on the road or recording, so she’s practically family.”

“You’re so sweet,” Nicole giggled. Before she could continue, Mom poked her head around the kitchen door and cleared her throat.

“Dinner’s almost ready. We’re just waiting on the rolls. I used a bit too much yeast so they’ve kind of overtaken the pan, but at least they’ll be fluffy.”

Nicole and I smiled at each other as we stood, walking hand-in-hand behind Dad into the kitchen. Margie had just finished setting the table as Mom carried the roast on a large platter, setting it at the center. I wished I’d had a camera handy because the whole scene looked like something out of a Macy’s calendar.

As we all sat together and held hands, Mom said Grace, and out grand feast began. In the back of my mind, I could only hope my new friend in Arkansas was enjoying her Easter as well. I would have to e-mail her later and find out how things went, but for now, I returned my attention to my family, my loving girlfriend, and our wonderful feast.

~* Downtime *~ “Yeah, really,” Nicole added. “This has been like, the busiest year of my entire life, and I’m not even a cheerleader.” She shot us a glance. Jennifer and I giggled as I answered. “Um, yeah, about that…” Allison laughed. “Uh oh. I know that tone.” “Me too. What’re y’all plotting?” Nicole teased. “Nothing,” we answered in unison.

---

I couldn’t help feeling just a little nervous as Nicole and I carried our lunches down the hall to where the GLBTSA were holding their meeting. I didn’t really know what to expect, even though Nicole said she had talked to several members. I at least knew Katelyn would be there though, and that somehow helped.

Only a handful of students, mostly juniors and seniors, had gathered when we entered, though a few sophomores like us had come as well, including Katelyn, Trent and Laura. They both waved.

“Hey guys. Glad you could make it.”

Katelyn smiled nervously as she approached us. “Me too. Everyone’s been waiting for me to finally explain why I’m here, but I needed to know you’d be here too.”

Nicole gave me an odd stare, and I smiled, squeezing her hand as we took the two seats near Laura. “Katelyn and I had an interesting talk the other night.”

“Uh huh,” she teased, stealing one of my strawberries. Katelyn fidgeted nervously, tugging at the hem of her shirt while watching the door.

“I guess that’s everyone-” she started, before the door swung open. Maria stepped inside and made a bee-line for Katelyn, wrapping her in a hug.

“Sorry I’m late.”

“It’s okay,” Katelyn answered with a relieved sigh. She turned to face the small gathering. “Maria’s not … well, ‘like us’,” she paused to shiver. “God, I can’t get used to saying that.”

One of the older students, a tall guy with neatly trimmed black hair and wire framed glasses smiled as he shook his head. “It’s okay Kate. Take your time. We’ve all been there, remember?”

Katelyn slowly nodded. “Yeah. Maria’s straight, but she’s my best friend, and this kind of concerns her, so I asked her to be here to support me for this.”

Maria smiled warmly. “Since it’s sorta my fault anyway, even though it was an accident, I couldn’t not be here, chica. You’re my best friend, my sister.”

“The thing is, I’ve been coping with these weird feelings for awhile now. I like guys. I think Zack Leihman is the hottest senior in this school, but… I also think Victoria Esquire’s kind of cute.” Her cheeks blazed bright red as she rambled, going into detail about how she accidentally kissed Maria, and ending with her approaching me the other night for advice. She barely held it together as she finished. The taller guy stood and approached, pulling her into a hug.

“It’s okay. Genuine bisexuality or just plain curiosity is nothing to be ashamed of. For the longest time I had a crush on Vicky too. Now she’s one of my best friends, and I’m kind of hoping to meet ‘Mr. Right’,” he teased. “Everyone’s story is different, but the fear, uncertainty, and doubt are all perfectly normal.”

“You have no idea,” Nicole added as she smiled at me. “When I first met Robin I had just been dumped by my boyfriend, but it was a long time coming. Thing is, when I kissed her that first time I fully expected her to freak out and run off.”

~oOo~

“Moira?! What are you doing here?” I practically squealed as I raced across the gym, completely abandoning our regularly scheduled cheer practice to wrap the bassist in a hug. She giggled as Lucia, dressed in a plain white hoodie and jeans, strolled up beside us.

“Nikki said you were at practice, so we thought we’d drop in while we’re in town. Sorry your prom plans didn’t work out by the way.”

“Oh, that’s fine. We went into it fully expecting them to say they couldn’t make it.” Without missing a beat I turned to Lucia, catching her in a quick hug. She smiled as she returned the gesture. “You’re not heading back home with Jessica and Kris?”

She smiled as she shook her head. “Nah, I’m going to crash on Moira and your step-mum’s sofa for a few days first. I’m wiped out.”

“Robin?” Chelsea called.

“Sorry, they need me. Will you guys be heading back soon?”

Moira nodded. “Regina, Luce and me’re headed out for frozen yogurt once we get back to New Haven.”

Lucia wrinkled her nose. “She swears it tastes just like ice cream, but I’ll be the judge of that.” She laughed, waving as she turned to depart. Moira chuckled.

“Good luck with your practice, hey?”

“Thanks. Nationals are next month, and I am so nervous.”

Moira laughed. “Ask Lucia how many sticks she’s snapped mid-performance. Shite happens. The only thing you can do is muddle through and hope no one notices. If you act like it’s intentional, people just might start to believe it.”

She had an oddly serene smile as I turned to rejoin my squadmates. We had moved from using Victoria or Angela’s back yards to the gym so that we could begin coordinating our routine to specific positions now. It was fitting that Moira came back to Alpine Springs when she did. I had hoped she’d be able to see what she inspired.

“What was that about?” Victoria asked as I got back into position. I giggled. I’d already thought of a clever half-truth.

“That was Moira, the daughter of the lady I talked to about pulling some strings for a live band for the prom this year, since we couldn’t get Heedless Despair. She’s kind of Nikki’s adopted sister, too.”

Tracy giggled now as Victoria’s face lit up. “Oh, yeah! Robin I owe you so much for helping with that. Even though this isn’t your prom, the entire planning committee wants you guys to be considered guests of honor for bailing us out.”

I shrugged as we fell into position. “Really, it’s no big deal. I just happened to know someone who knows someone who has connections and pulled some strings. I won’t be able to ask for any more favors for awhile though.”

“Ready? Five six seven eight!”

~oOo~

Friday afternoon I had a rare moment of no homework due to the stars aligning and teachers all giving either light assignments we finished in class, or tests, and with no cheer practice, no lost orphans, and no kittens up trees, the four of us decided to act like normal teenagers for once. We hit the Alpine Springs mall.

After some light shopping wherein I picked up a cute new belt and freshened my stock of fingernail polish on Allison’s advisement, we hit the food court, gathering around one of the small round tables to enjoy our meal.

Jennifer lazily dipped one of her french fries into her chocolate milkshake, nipping the tip with a satisfied smile before breaking the comfortable silence. “It feels weird just sitting down and hanging out like this, you know?”

“Yeah, really,” Nicole added. “This has been like, the busiest year of my entire life, and I’m not even a cheerleader.” She shot us a glance. Jennifer and I giggled as I answered.

“Um, yeah, about that…”

Allison laughed. “Uh oh. I know that tone.”

“Me too. What’re y’all plotting?” Nicole teased.

“Nothing,” we answered in unison.

Jennifer glanced at me with an amused smile. “Should we tell her?”

I reached over to squeeze Nicole’s hand, leaning over to whisper in her ear, even as Jennifer did the same with Allison. Both girls’ eyes widened as we revealed what we were planning for a theme for our cheer routine.

“Oh my Gawd… You’re serious aren’t you?” Nicole spoke breathlessly then started to giggle too. “You guys are either going to take first place or get laughed right out of there. That’s… um… That’s bold. But I definitely approve.”

“Oh me too,” Allison added as she tore into her salad again. “You’re sure the organizers are okay with it?”

“We made sure to clear it with them before we even started planning, after they shot down our last idea. The hardest part is going to be getting the costumes just right without leaving anything that could cause a,” she paused, searching for the right words then finger-quoted, “wardrobe malfunction.” She nodded confidently then giggled.

She was just about to take another chocolate-dipped french fry between her lips when I suddenly felt as though someone were standing right behind me, which she seemed to confirm. She had a massive grin, waving at someone directly behind me. I tilted my head back to find Kathy smiling back. “Hey guys.”

Allison quickly slid her chair over to make room for her to join us, and Kathy happily plopped down after borrowing a seat from an empty nearby table. “So um, I got my sign-up sheet today. I talked to Mrs. Ellis, and she thinks a spread in the next yearbook about summer life is a great idea.”

Allison perked up. “So you’re definitely coming?”

Kathy smiled nervously as she nodded. “It’s going to be kinda weird with my sister being there and all, but yeah. I’m probably not taking my good camera though. It’s technically my dad’s anyway. So how’s life in the Robinverse?” she teased as she glanced over at me.

“Exhausting as usual,” I shot back, but laughed. “We were just talking about how this is the first time in awhile any of us have been able to just hang out and not have somewhere one of us need to be later. Don’t get me wrong; I love cheer, and Girl Scouts, and everything else, but I’ll be glad when it’s time to go to camp again.”

“But isn’t being a CIT like, a huge responsibility?”

“Yeah, it is, but for me camp is like a vacation. I’m signing up for both two week sessions just to get the most out of it.”

“Me too,” Allison added. Nicole shook her head.

“I want to, but I’ll only make the second session. I’m going back to that rock camp I hit last summer. I hear the bass instructor really knows her stuff,” she joked with a grin. “A whole two weeks without Robin though. Man, that’s going to be hard.” She squeezed my hand as she leaned into my shoulder, and I turned to kiss her cheek. Kathy smiled.

“You two are sooo cute together. Anyway, I just wanted to stop and say ‘hey’. I’ll see you guys at school tomorrow. Oh, is it true you’re going to get Heedless Despair to play at the prom?”

Nicole shook her head. “We were asked if we could talk to them, but they just finished their US tour, and they’re only human. We did get someone to pull some strings and get another band to play though. They’re not Heedless Despair, but they know their stuff.”

“That’s great. Personally I think asking HD would’ve been too much anyway, but I figured someone would ask you guys sooner or later. I’m surprised you’re not in a band though, Nikki. You’re good enough to keep up with freaking Shadowfang. Anyway, later guys!”

Nicole giggled as she watched Kathy walk away. “I’ve seriously thought about trying to start a band, but honestly, dating Robin’s all the adventure I need right now.”

Allison glanced at me with an amused grin. “Well you’ve got a keyboardist right here, and Katelyn can really belt it out.”

“That just leaves guitar and drums,” Jennifer added, shooting Allison a knowing smile. Allison shook her head.

“Don’t look at me! I just play for fun.”

“So do I,” Nicole answered. “But being in a band could be fun too. I’ve had more than a few garage bands take interest, but none of them really struck me as anything but leeches. If the right band comes along then maybe I’ll think about it, but you guys come first, then school, then music.”

“Don’t you want to be a big star, though?” I just had to ask. Nicole laughed.

“Sure I do, when I’m older. Remember, Moira didn’t get her big break that long ago. I want to make it big, but I don’t wanna lose sight of the people I love in the process. We’re only sixteen.”

Jennifer smiled as she raised her milkshake to toast Nicole’s comment. “You’re only a teenager once. It’s about time you two finally figured that one out.”

Allison laughed as she shook her head. “Given what we’ve all been through both separately and together I can safely say-”

Jennifer reached over to poach a bite of Allison’s salad, interrupting her.

“Hey!”

~oOo~

Allison and I parted ways at least for the moment, after Nicole dropped us off, and I found Margie inside, sitting on the sofa. She had her legs folded up beneath her, and had apparently not heard me come in. She had a brand new laptop resting in front of her, with a partially pencil-sketched storyboard in front of her. She smiled when she finally looked up at me.

“Oh, hey Robin.” She turned the computer toward me. “The publisher provided me with a new computer so I can stay in touch with my art team. This is the partial storyboard I uploaded to show them. I’ll probably finish it this weekend. The internet’s amazing isn’t it?”

“You’re telling me. I got to spend last Thanksgiving with Nikki’s family while staying in touch with Ash’s. So what’s the next series going to be about?”

“Initially six months will have passed since Raven Wing’s turnabout. Aria Blade’s mysteriously vanished and even the raven god can’t help locate her.”

“Because he bound himself in the form of the little girl, or because helping wouldn’t be any fun?”

Margie giggled. “Both actually. I’ll be meeting with Moira this weekend to sketch her as the leader of a coven of dark sorcerers.” She shifted her finger across the laptop’s touchpad, bringing up a separate window with a sketch of a life-sized doll that bore a strong resemblance to Solace’s updated stage persona. “This is the one I have for Solace, Shadowfang’s silent assassin bodyguard.”

“Oh, nice! That looks just like her, only creepier. I’m guessing they’re not the ones responsible for the disappearance though, are they?”

“Responsible no, involved, yes. Let’s just say the way Shadowfang ‘acquired’ Solace will bring up old memories when a porcelain doll figurine version of Aria Blade turns up. Raven Wing’s going to see red, and then someone’s going to see black and blue.” She giggled again, adding, “Want me to spoil the rest?”

“That’s okay. As long as Nikki and I get first run copies.”

“You bet! So, any plans for the evening?”

“You first,” I teased. She smiled as she closed her laptop.

“Kelly and I had a dinner date, sort of. She’s working late again so we had a little picnic up on the roof at the hospital.”

“So you don’t have any plans then? Well, Kenpo’s cancelled tonight since Dad’s attending a national martial arts conference thingie in New York. I don’t suppose you’d want to lounge around and watch movies with your baby sister?”

Margie’s eyes lit up as she set her laptop aside. “You pick out the movie, and I’ll get the popcorn.”

I held up a small bag of DVDs from the video rental store. “Done and done. I got that romantic comedy we were talking about the other weekend, plus that new Disney movie just for nostalgia’s sake.”

“Nostalgia, nothing. I want to see it too,” she teased, planting a kiss on my forehead before she rushed into the kitchen. Before long I could hear the distinct sound of popcorn popping, and Margie soon emerged with a heaping bowl of popcorn in one hand, and two ice cold cans of red cream soda in the other.

“You’re sure you don’t want to spend the evening with your friends?” Margie asked as we settled in to watch the first DVD. I shook my head quickly.

“We spent most of the evening at the mall together, and tomorrow night Nicole and I are going out to eat after cheer practice. Besides, I want to spend time with you, too.”

“You’re such a sweetheart,” she answered, wrapping an arm around me. I snuggled close with a contented sigh as I popped open my soda.

“I’m finally learning to slow down, by the way. It was sort of something Nikki said that made me realize it though.”

“How so?”

“Ally and Jen were teasing her about how we almost have the makings of a band, if we asked Katelyn to sing, and she answered that she’s not really interested in starting or joining a band right now. She says she’s more interested in hanging out and having fun.”

“In other words, she’s learning to feel like a teenager,” Margie advised, giving me a knowing smile. “She’s learning to trust, not just you, but herself. She has a long, hard road ahead of her if she’s ever going to come to grips with what happened, but I know she can do it, and you’ll be there to help her, just like she’s there for you.”

“That’s what friends are for,” I answered, paused, then smiled. “Well, girlfriends too.”

She giggled at that as she nodded, an almost distant, serene smile crossing her features. She seemed to stare past the television as she echoed, “Girlfriends too.”

“You okay?” I asked, giving her a sidelong glance. She looked back at me, smiled, and nodded.

“Things with Kelly are … complicated right now.”

“You’re not going to break up are you?”

“No no, it’s not like that.” Her cheeks flushed. She shifted her gaze, but I could see just a hint of guilt.

I giggled as I leaned up to kiss her cheek. “Come on. You can’t leave it half-finished.”

“Someone saw Kelly and me together at the hospital and asked if I was her girlfriend, and she said yes. Up until now we’ve been avoiding using labels like ‘dating’ and ‘girlfriend’ because we were both afraid of … well, of damaging our friendship, you know?”

I nodded. “That’s kind of how Nikki and I started too. We were crazy about each other, but afraid of what the label ‘girlfriends’ would do. It almost got us in trouble at camp a couple of times because we weren’t being honest with each other or ourselves, though.”

Margie laughed. “Yes, exactly. So we had a long talk over our little picnic. We’re officially a couple. I guess we have been for awhile now.”

“Yeah, you have. Every time you’re in the same room together you both positively glow. It’s adorable,” I teased. She giggled.

“Just make sure to give Kelly time to tell Allison though.”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Um, what happened to the movie?” Margie glanced back at me. I held up the remote and giggled.

“I paused it about five minutes back when I realized neither of us was actually paying attention.”

~oOo~

By the time the credits rolled on the second movie I could barely hold my eyes open. Margie smiled as she squeezed my hand.

“I’m going to call it an early night, kiddo. I’ve got meetings in the morning, and a web conference tomorrow afternoon, plus I need to work on the Shadowcraft sketches.”

I nodded sleepily. “Me too. Just remember you have a team now, so don’t work yourself too hard.”

She giggled as she took my hand and pulled me up off the sofa, into her waiting arms. As we walked upstairs, she answered. “I may have a team, but as team lead it’s my job to make sure they understand exactly how the characters are supposed to look. One of them has a son about your age who’s a big fan, by the way. Do you think Aria Blade could sign something tomorrow?”

I nodded as we reached my room, pausing to smile back at her. “If I’m not awake when you leave, just leave it on the kitchen table and I’ll get the girls to sign off on it too.”

“You’re a gem. Sweet dreams kiddo.”

“Night, sis,” I answered, turning to disappear into my room.

~* Katelyn Sings the Blues *~ “Ally, what is it?” “It’s probably nothing,” she began, shifting her gaze. “Look, Robin, you know I love you right?” “Yeah,” I answered hesitantly. “And you know I love Nikki too. You guys are my best friends. You know I’d never do or say anything to hurt you, right?” “Ally, I trust you completely.” “It … it sounds like Katelyn’s crushing on you.”

---

Hi Sarah,

I was beginning to worry about you because I hadn’t heard from you in awhile. I saw on the news about your friend’s Mom being brought up on child abuse charges. Can’t believe he’s TG too, but I’m really happy for you that you have someone there who can relate. BELIEVE me, it makes a big difference! Please keep me updated, okay?

Oh and to answer your other question, I’m a little bit stressed out, but it’s okay. I have Kenpo this Friday after cheer practice, but Kenpo always relaxes me. What I’m stressed about is cheer. I haven’t had the years of experience some of these girls have. They keep telling me I’m a natural, but that’s not true. I’m only able to keep up with them because I work my butt off to learn the routines. I practice an hour a night before I go to bed except on official team practice nights.

Next year will be easier though. I’ll have cheer camp behind me so I’ll be more experienced. I’m so scared I’m going to make us lose at nationals. Coach says it’s not about winning or losing, but she’s obligated to say that. I messed up my Liberty during our regional competition, but I got an award for being a good sport and being nice to our fellow cheerleaders, even though some of them were pretty rude about my dating a girl. They came around after getting chewed out by their own squadmates! ;-)

Thank you for listening, Sarah. You’re a great friend and a great person, and I just know everything’s going to work out for both you and Max in the end. If you weren’t like, a thousand miles away I’d invite you guys to come to D.C. for our cheer competition. Maybe next year, though. I hear there’s another competition in February, and I’ll def be on the cheer squad again.

Take care of yourself, and write again when you can,
~Spirit

~oOo~

I breathed a relaxed sigh, closing my laptop as I stared out the open curtains at the early morning light. The days were getting longer already, and it wouldn’t be long now until the big competition. I still needed to talk to Nicole about whether or not we’d actually go to the prom, or just stay home and watch a movie.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t notice Allison come inside until my small desk mirror caught her reflection. She giggled quietly as she leaned down to hug me.

“Jeeze, you’re not even dressed yet! Is everything okay?”

I smiled as I reached back to give her hand a reassuring squeeze. “Yeah, great. I finally got a reply from Sarah. I guess I just got caught up in writing her back. Turns out one of her friends is the sibling of the guy that attacked her.”

“Whoa. Soap opera alert, huh?”

I couldn’t help laughing as I stood and disappeared into my closet for a moment. “Yeah, really. It gets better though. This girl, Maxine? Not only is she transgendered, she wants to take Sarah out on a date once all the dust settles.”

“Aw, that’s so sweet,” Allison answered. “So things are finally looking up for her. Kelly’ll be glad to hear that. She says LeAnn’s doing better, too. What about Katelyn?”

I exhaled softly, setting the top I had been inspecting back on the clothes rack. “Something’s going on with her. She hardly said two words to me during our weekly piano lesson last Saturday, and at school yesterday I thought I caught her staring.”

“Uh oh,” Allison answered quietly.

“What?”

“Nothing,” she shot back. I emerged from the closet, tossing my clothes on the bed as I approached her.

“Ally, what is it?”

“It’s probably nothing,” she began, shifting her gaze. “Look, Robin, you know I love you right?”

“Yeah,” I answered hesitantly.

“And you know I love Nikki too. You guys are my best friends. You know I’d never do or say anything to hurt you, right?”

“Ally, I trust you completely.”

“It … it sounds like Katelyn’s crushing on you.”

“What?!” I could feel the blood drain from my face. I had to sit down, and fortunately I had the corner of my bed handy. Allison moved to sit beside me, wrapping an arm around me.

“I can’t really blame her. I’d probably have a crush on you too if I liked girls,” she teased, but pulled me into a hug.

“But why me?”

“I dunno. You’re sweet, friendly, pretty, compassionate, outgoing, energetic, upbeat-”

“Okay okay, I get it,” I responded with a helpless laugh, resting my head on Allison’s shoulder. “I love Nikki, though. I like Katelyn. She’s become such a great friend, and I don’t want to lose that.”

“I know, this is like, super-awkward. It’s possible that I’m totally wrong here though. Maybe there’s just something she wants to talk to you about, but she’s afraid to? Maybe she just wants to know if you know anyone who’s available?”

“Mmm… Maybe. I guess we shouldn’t jump to conclusions until we know for sure right?”

“Yeah, that’s true. Anyway I’ll be downstairs when you’re ready to go.”

“Hey, Ally?” I called after her just as she stood. She paused to glance back at me. I smiled. “Thanks.”

“Sure,” she giggled in response. “Whatever happens you know we’ve got your back. But I’d hold off on telling Nikki until we know for sure what’s going on. Don’t want her to punch Katelyn’s lights out if she doesn’t deserve it, y’know?”

~oOo~

Unfortunately, Katelyn wasn’t at school Tuesday. Naturally I assumed it was something to do with what Allison and I talked about, though I learned from Mrs. Ellis that she apparently had come down with a stomach virus, giving me a reprieve from confronting her for a few days — or so I thought. Since I had been so kind to ask about my teammate, Mrs. Ellis asked me if I could take Katelyn a copy of the class notes. I couldn’t very well say no to my favorite teacher could I?

I decided to check with the office and ask if there was some way I could get Katelyn’s missed stuff from her other classes as well. I had a regular gym class this evening, but I’d at least have time to drive over there first.

I’d never been to Katelyn’s house so I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect. I had some prejudices based on what I knew about her, but I hardly expected to find a house as large as my step-dad’s or Victoria’s. For someone who had to teach music lessons to pay for voice lessons, Katelyn’s family seemed to be doing pretty well for themselves.

A balding man in his forties, dressed in a business suit answered the door. He looked like he’d only just gotten in himself judging by the misaligned blue-and-teal tie.

“Can I help you?” he asked, a little exasperated.

“Um, hi, I’m Robin. Is Katelyn available?”

“She’s upstairs, or in the bathroom-” he started, but abruptly stopped to stare more intently at me. “Did you say your name was Robin? Robin Smith?”

“Err, yes sir. I brought Katelyn’s homework and the notes for Mrs. Ellis’ test this week.”

He smiled as he stepped back. “Come on in. Katelyn’s told me so much about you.”

“She has?” I asked, surprised, as I stepped inside.

“Oh yes. You’re all she could talk about during basketball season, well you and Chelsea. It’s so nice to see she’s finally making friends.”

I had to bite my tongue. I tried to smile politely though. “She’s really sweet. I’m so glad we could come to an arrangement to help her with her singing lessons.”

“I’m just glad to see her showing some initiative for a change. She never had much passion for the piano — not like her mother, but when she came to me and asked if she could teach piano to pay for voice lessons I knew she was serious.”

“Daddy, who is it?” Katelyn’s voice called from upstairs. “Oh, Robin!” she squeaked a moment later.

“Go on up and see her. She’s been pretty sick all day, but the doctor says she’ll be fine by Thursday.”

“Thanks,” I answered simply, and turned to head upstairs.

“Second door on the left,” he called after me.

“Katelyn?” I asked as I knocked lightly.

“Go away,” Katelyn groaned. “I don’t want anyone to see me like this.” I opened the door anyway. Katelyn lay in bed, dressed in a pair of white silk pajamas. She rolled over on her side facing away from me. “You don’t listen very well do you?”

“Mrs. Ellis was worried about you. She asked me to bring you a copy of her notes for the upcoming test, and I figured since I was already running the errand, I’d pick up the assignments from your other classes, too. I’ll just leave them on your desk.”

I set the small stack of papers next to Katelyn’s plain black laptop, but as I turned to leave, she called after me.

“Wait.” When I glanced back, I found she had sat up in bed. She motioned for me to step closer. “Don’t worry, I’m not contagious,” she joked dryly, continuing after I sat down on the edge of her bed facing her. “I guess you know I’ve been acting kinda weird since last Wednesday. There’s… there’s something I have to ask you.”

I nodded softly. “I think I know where this is going, but I don’t want to make a fool of myself jumping to the wrong conclusion either. What’s on your mind?”

“I know you and Nikki are like, super-close. I don’t want to get in the way of what you have, but I want you to know that I’ve kind of had a crush on you for awhile now.” I could feel my cheeks burn. She giggled to herself. “I sort of owe you an apology… Several apologies actually.”

“I’m not sure I understand. I’ve already told you it’s okay, that I forgave you if you’re talking about what happened before.”

“No, it’s not that… It’s not JUST that. The thing is I … I guess I lashed out at you because I hated that I couldn’t be with you. I couldn’t ‘have’ you, but at the same time, I was so happy to see you happy. Y’know that night at the HD concert, when Nikki was missing, it freaked me out because you were just acting so casual about it. I knew something was up but I didn’t know what it was. I was scared for her, for you…”

Katelyn brought her hands up to hide her face, and I couldn’t help myself. I leaned closer to pull her into a hug, and she broke down, crying into my shoulder.

“It’s been so hard, burying this, trying to pretend there’s nothing going on because I know there’s no way ‘we’ can ever happen as long as you’re dating her. I respect that. I really do, but it doesn’t change how I feel either. When I kissed Maria, even though it was an accident, it still brought everything to the surface. Robin I am so, so sorry about everything.”

“Shh, it’s okay,” I cooed as I held her. I didn’t know what else I could do or say, so I just let her cry.

After a few minutes of awkward silence she finally smiled, and leaned up to kiss my cheek. “Thank you. You don’t know how much this means to me, just, you know, finally being able to talk about this. I’ve been wrestling with whether or not I actually have feelings for you, or if it’s what you represent. You’re openly les, and nobody gives a damn. I just don’t know if I could be openly bi.”

“Sure you can, but there are going to be repercussions.”

“Like what?” she asked nervously. I giggled.

“Like guys asking if they can watch.”

“Ew!” she balked, giggling. ‘You’re... not serious are you? Wait, don’t answer that.”

“So does Maria know?”

“Not yet. No one does. But I’m going to talk to her about it tomorrow. She’s like my best friend, and I did put her in the middle of my fight with Chelsea and you, so I owe her that much. For what it’s worth I … I feel a lot better about everything now, just knowing that you know now, not having that constant pressure of guilt anymore.”

She paused, turning a shade of pale as she stared over my shoulder at the door. I glanced back to find a taller woman in her late thirties, possibly early forties, with bobbed black hair, dressed in a business suit and skirt, leaning in the doorway. She looked like she was about to cry, but smiled at being ‘noticed’.

“Momma, I-” Katelyn stammered. The woman stepped closer as I stood. She paused to place a hand on my shoulder and smile then turned to sit where I had been. She bent closer to wrap her daughter in a tight hug.

“Honey it’s okay. I heard everything, and it’s okay.”

“You’re not mad?”

“No sweetheart. I went through a phase like this when I was your age. I still remember the look on your grandpa’s face when I brought home my first girlfriend.” She paused to chuckle to herself. I couldn’t help but smile.

“Katelyn, I’ve got to get back to school for gym practice. I’ll let Coach Greer know you’re feeling a little better.”

“Thanks Robin,” she answered with a smile. “For everything. Come by tomorrow after school if you have time okay? There’s still more that I need to talk to you about.”

Katelyn’s mother smiled back at me as she stood, following me out. She waited until we were downstairs before she spoke.

“I suspected something was going on for some time now. What really happened between you two?”

“The short version is, we had a huge fight earlier this year. I thought it was over a misunderstanding about me being approached to help work out a cheer routine since I had also been told we were going to be doing tryouts to replace a cheerleader we were losing, but…” I trailed off, and the woman nodded.

“Ah, now I understand.”

“Oh, don’t worry, we’re friends now — and just friends. I have a steady girlfriend. I’m glad you’re okay with all this by the way. Some parents just can’t handle the idea that their kid might be ‘different’.”

“I can’t help worrying about her because I love her, but I didn’t tell Katelyn the whole story either. When I brought home my first, and last, girlfriend, my father threatened to ‘beat the gay out of me’. Mother’s reasoning with him prevailed, but I never quite forgave him… Not until he finally apologized only a few years ago, after we almost lost him. I love her father with all my heart, and I’m very happy that I married him, but there’s a small part of me that will always wonder what might have happened.”

“At least she knows that you support her though. The worst part of all this I think was how she bottled it up for so long. Speaking from experience, self-loathing can be really devastating. Well anyway, I’d better get back to school. It was nice meeting you, um,” I paused, only now realizing I’d never gotten her name. She smiled as she extended her hand.

“Eleanor Derrick. I believe you already met my husband Carl. Please feel free to stop by whenever you feel like it.”

“Oh, thank you. I’ll stop by tomorrow to see how Katelyn’s feeling,” I answered, and after shaking her hand, turned to return to my car.

~oOo~

“Who are we missing?” someone asked just as I entered the room, lunch tray one hand, Nicole’s hand in the other. She had worn a beautiful black a-line corset dress with lace sleeves today, a sharp contrast to my plain cap-sleeve green top and jeans.

“Katelyn’s out sick,” I answered reflexively while Nicole and I sat down together. “I took her homework to her after school, and her doctor says she should be fine by tomorrow.”

“Should I be jealous?” Nicole teased, giggling as she popped a fresh grape into her mouth.

“Not really,” I answered. She gave me a sidelong glance, and I bit my lip. “We had a long talk last night. Please don’t be angry, but I didn’t say anything before because I needed to confirm it first.”

“What, that she has a crush on you?”

I stared blankly back at her, and she laughed. “Robin, sweetie, she wasn’t exactly subtle about it.”

“I guess not, but if you knew why didn’t you say anything before?”

Nicole shrugged, cheerfully chewing another grape. “You didn’t seem to notice or care, so I figured either way, I’d just end up looking like an untrusting psycho, and I do trust you completely.” She smiled as she leaned closer to kiss my cheek. Trent leaned closer.

“You two are so cute, y’know that?” He grinned, and Nicole reached back to playfully swat his shoulder.

“Quiet you. So when do we get to see Trina again?”

~oOo~

I stepped out of my car outside Katelyn’s house. I could see her clearly peeking out the upstairs window. She had on a pair of sweats today, at least as nearly as I could tell before she disappeared again. I had no sooner reached the door when it swung open, and she greeted me with a hug.

“Robin, hey! I wasn’t sure you’d actually come back after yesterday. I am so sorry.”

“It’s okay, really! Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah, I feel amazing. That antibiotic the doctor gave me worked great. Come inside. There’s something I want to give you.”

“What is it?”

“You’ll see,” she answered cryptically, adding, “Oh hi Mom, I didn’t hear you come in,” as she passed her on the way to the stairs. Eleanor simply chuckled to herself, continuing to the kitchen as I followed Katelyn.

Katelyn had an expensive-looking microphone set up near her computer desk, as well as a large electronic keyboard that I didn’t remember being there the day before.

“I was so bored today, so I finally started working on something I’ve wanted to do for awhile now.” She turned to retrieve a pink CD jewel case from her desk. The custom label simply read ‘Play-along CD’. She extended it to me. “This has a piano track on the left channel, vocals on the right, for every song we’ve been working on so far plus some classical basic stuff. I don’t know how much help it’ll be, but like I said, I had a lot of time on my hands today.”

“Aww, Katelyn, thank you!” I answered as I hugged her. She smiled happily.

“No problem. Hey, listen, about what we talked about yesterday… I just want you to know that I’m not going to go all crazy stalker on you or anything. I really do like you as a friend, and now that everything’s out in the open I feel like I can deal with the rest of it better. So… friends?”

“Friends,” I immediately answered. “And don’t worry, I know you’ll find someone. You’ve kind of got the advantage in liking both guys and girls, y’know.”

She giggled. “Yeah, I guess that’s true. It’s not that I’m not picky, like I’ll just date anyone or whatever, it’s just there are things about both guys and girls that I like.” She paused, glancing back at her keyboard.

“Hey, since you’re here, do you want to jam a little before you go home? You look like you could use it.”

“Sure, why not? What’ve you got in mind?”

“Remember the blues scales we were working on? Let’s do a Blues riff in D.”

~* When Two Hearts Collide *~ “I know the feeling, but from the other end. Sometimes I feel like the only reason I prefer women is because … I’m scared of men. It’s hard. I really like Regina — I do. I love spending time with her, but I wonder if I do it because the alternative is just too terrifying, or if I genuinely want to be with her.” Moira paused then cleared her throat. “So ah, what happened? Did you kiss her?” “Ew, no,” I giggled a little and shook my head. “We talked it out. She says she’s okay with us staying friends, and I believe that. It’s just the first time that I’ve had to question my feelings for Nikki. That scares me.”

---

“Robin?” Moira’s voice startled me from my thoughts. I had to smile though as I rose from my computer chair to catch her in a hug.

“Hey, glad you could make it. Did you have any trouble finding me?”

“Not at all.” She held up her smart phone with an almost smug smile. “GPS is a treat. I just punched in your Da’s address and let it do the work. S’everything alright with you and Nikki? Usually you’re joined at the hip.”

“Oh, yeah we’re okay. We had a little relationship bump, but it could’ve been worse.”

“Uh oh. You wanna tell aunt Moira about it?” she teased, sitting on the edge of my bed. I had to laugh.

“Aunt? You’re younger than my sister you know.”

“Aye that’s true, but remember I had to grow up fast. I never did feel all that young.” She paused to roll her shoulders. “But this in’about me. Come on. Tell me what happened?”

“Really, it’s nothing. Remember Katelyn?”

“Oh sure. Seems like the longer I know you the less secret my secret identity becomes,” she teased. “But I thought everything had calmed down?”

“Well, it … sort of turns out she has feelings for me.” I answered. I pictured the gears turning in Moira’s head despite the stoic expression as she listened. “It’s just weird, you know? We clashed so much this semester, all because she didn’t want to deal with the fact that she’s apparently bisexual.” I sighed as I sat down next to Moira. She smiled as she draped her arm over my shoulders, letting me lean into her.

“I know the feeling, but from the other end. Sometimes I feel like the only reason I prefer women is because … I’m scared of men. It’s hard. I really like Regina — I do. I love spending time with her, but I wonder if I do it because the alternative is just too terrifying, or if I genuinely want to be with her.”

Moira paused then cleared her throat. “So ah, what happened? Did you kiss her?”

“Ew, no,” I giggled a little and shook my head. “We talked it out. She says she’s okay with us staying friends, and I believe that. It’s just the first time that I’ve had to question my feelings for Nikki. That scares me.”

“Oh, Robin,” Moira cooed. Her sweet Irish brogue sent a small chill down my spine. She cupped my face lightly to look me in the eye. “Life will not always be easy, and nothing’s ever set in stone. You can’t be afraid of what might or might not happen though or you’ll never be happy. Do you love Nicole?”

“Yes, with all my heart.”

Moira smiled knowingly. “Do you like being with her?”

“Absolutely.”

“Then don’t worry about it. I know that she loves you. She completely trusts you, and that’s a very rare gift for people like us, to trust someone so completely.” She slid her hand over my shoulder reassuringly. It seemed in that moment that we had connected in a way we never had before.

“Moira, can I ask you a really personal question?”

“It’s about what happened to me, aye?” She seemed to squirm just a little and a light sigh escaped her lips. “Well I knew I couldn’t keep it from you forever. Only Nikki and Jess know. Kris suspects, but Lucia hasn’t a clue. Nobody else does.”

“Oh, you don’t have to tell me. I was just kind of wondering if it was similar to what happened to Nikki.”

“I want to tell you though. I’ve another date tonight, and I want to tell her the whole story. I guess you could say I need the practice, hey?”

She hesitated again and cleared her throat. “I was assaulted,” Moira continued softly. “I… got pregnant, and I did something I’m not proud of because I thought I had no other choice.” She stiffened slightly, staring at the ground in silence. “To this day I regret my decision. I’d give absolutely anything to go back and change that. Even if the child was unwanted, it… it wasn’t right.”

“So that’s why you’re worried about your relationship with Regina. Moira I’m so sorry.”

“Yes, I’m afraid that it all goes back to the assault, that I’m using her, you know? More than that, my Da never forgave me. Said it was unnatural, what I’d done.”

“I won’t lie to you. There have been times when I’ve wondered quietly if Nikki isn’t … you know, the same way. But do you know what I’ve decided?” I smiled as I gently cupped her face now, looking her in the eye. “I’ve decided, just now, on the advice of a good friend I trust very much, not to question it anymore. I love her. I love being with her. I love everything about her, and I can’t imagine not being with her at this point in our lives.”

She brought her hands up and gently swept away fresh tears. “Physician, heal thyself, in other words,” she joked half-helplessly.

“Well, yeah. It’s good advice. I mean look at my sister. She and Kelly have been best friends for longer than I realized. They went to college together. They’ve backpacked across Europe together, and now fate’s brought them together again. Neither of them really knows what’s going to happen with their relationship, but they’re happy with things the way they are right now.”

“Sure, but they’ve known each other for years. They’ve built a relationship on trust and friendship. I’m just scared I’ll wake up some morning and realize I don’t love her.” She finally exhaled, shaking her head. “I’m afraid of becoming my Da.”

“If anything you remind me of your mother, and I mean that in a good way.”

Moira laughed. “Six months ago I’d have knocked you out cold for that; I don’t care if you are a minor.” She smiled and kissed my forehead. “Right now though, that’s probably the sweetest, nicest thing anyone’s ever told me. We Cameron women are a tough breed y’know.”

I had to smile at that. “I guess you’ve patched things up since the wedding then?”

“Who d’ya think I asked to perform at your school dance? Oh, don’t worry. It’s not going to be stuffy classical music. They’ve some rock and even a little techno they can draw on, and Ma even owns an electric fiddle!”

“You’re kidding? That’s great! So is Shadowfang going to crash the party?” I teased, assuming I already knew the answer. She laughed.

“No, I thought I’d attend as Moira actually,” she answered with a grin. “But don’t tell Nikki. I want it to be a surprise.”

“Oh she’ll definitely be surprised. We’re going dress shopping this afternoon. Margie has some gorgeous designer gowns in stock, and thanks to Chelsea and me doing some modeling work on the side, business is really up. Regina’s been so much fun to work with.”

“I’m trying to talk her into flying back to Europe with me for a couple of weeks. I’d love it if she could be our personal photographer, but the stress of touring’s just not for everyone, y’know?”

“Plus the strain of keeping your personal lives separate. I don’t know how you guys do it.”

“It’s not easy. Well anyway, I still have a few more errands to take care of before I head back to New Haven.” Moira stood at that, pulling me into a hug. “I came by to see how you’re doing, but it seems like you’ve helped me out too. Thanks.”

I shrugged as I hugged her back, and shook my head. “Hey, you helped me too. I feel so much better about the Katelyn situation now. It’s been weighing in the back of my mind for like a week.”

“That’s what big sister types are for — so I’m told,” she smirked, but broke into a cheery laugh as she turned to step out. She paused at the door to look back. “By the way, when is this big competition of yours?”

“It’s May 14th, right before prom and graduation.”

“Ouch. Cutting it kind of close aren’t you?” she flinched.

“Yeah, but after that I’ve got a couple of weeks before the first Girl Scout camp to just relax and catch my breath. The only hard part is going to be doing the first session without Nikki, but I really want her to go back to that rock camp she attended last year.”

Moira grinned. “I hear they have a bad-ass bassist instructor coming.”

I laughed to myself, returning to my e-mail.

~oOo~

“Hi Robin, Nikki!” Victoria called cheerfully as we stepped inside ‘Touch of Style’. She quickly waved us over, holding up a strapless sequined burgundy gown. “What do you think?”

“Really brings out your eyes,” Nicole answered immediately.

“Thanks. I’m a little worried about the fit, but your sister said she knows someone that can alter it for me. She’s so sweet. I guess you’re here to shop for your gowns too?”

“Yeah, not just because my sister’s the owner either,” I joked, holding up, and then quickly returning, a bright gold a-line gown. “Uch. Gold is so not my color.”

Victoria laughed. “Maybe something in a dark green. A lighter color would probably wash you right out.” She disappeared around a clothing rack, popping her head up a moment later. “Hey, did you get Chelsea’s text?”

“Um, no?” I answered, but pulled out my phone anyway. Sure enough there was a new text from Chelsea waiting for me. I stared for a moment trying to decipher Chelsea’s short-hand text-speech. Nicole laughed as she peeked over my shoulder.

“Team-building exercise tonight. Five o’clock at my house.”

“You should come too Nikki,” Victoria added genuinely, before I could ask exactly how Nicole had managed to decipher the otherwise unintelligible string of text and numbers. “I know you’re not into the whole perky cheer scene, but friends and fam are always welcome.”

“I wish I could,” she started, “But I promised Ally I’d help her out tonight.”

“Oh that’s right,” I added. “She’s got her first babysitting job tonight. You don’t think she’ll mind if I’m not there will she?” I asked as I turned back to Nicole.

“No way,” she shot back with a laugh. “I mean, how much trouble could one kid be?”

Victoria practically cackled as she shook her head. “Famous last words.”

Nicole stuck her tongue out at Victoria before turning back to me again. “Seriously, go over to Chelsea’s.” She paused and a sort of ‘I’m up to something’ smile crossed her lips. “We’ll swing by later tonight if there’s still time.”

“Really? That’d make me feel so much better.”

“Finding everything okay?” I heard one of the sales girls ask from behind. “Oh, Robin!” she corrected herself as I turned around. “Sorry, I didn’t see you come in. Margie asked to send you to her office when you got here. You too Nikki. She has something important to show you, or something.”

Nicole smiled as she waved at Victoria, following me toward the back of the store.

“Wonder what this’ about?” Nicole asked quietly. I shook my head.

“No idea, but if I had to guess, probably Shadowcraft-related.”

“Really? What makes you say that?”

“Well,” I shrugged lightly as I reached for the office door, “She didn’t tell her salesgirl. We’re the only ones who know she’s the author, remember?”

Realization dawned on Nicole’s face as we stepped through the door. Packing peanuts lay scattered here and there around a large, open box on Margie’s office desk, but my sister was nowhere to be found. Nicole and I stared at each other for a moment before she took the initiative and peeked inside the box.

“It’s a … lunchbox?” she offered, surprised.

“Do kids even carry lunchboxes anymore?” I certainly couldn’t remember the last time I’d carried one, but then, our cafeteria back in San Francisco actually had an on-staff nutritionist and well-trained staff, unlike some of the pop-culture horror stories, and Alpine Springs’ was none-too-bad either.

“Sure they do,” Margie’s spoke up behind us. “That’s just a prototype though. The factory’s set to start making a small number for distribution at the next comics convention though, along with a few other neat things, once we okay the design implementation.”

“We?” Nicole echoed. Margie grinned as she nodded.

“We. You girls are my inspiration. You get as much creative input on anything in the Shadowcraft unverse as I do.” Margie stepped closer, spilling a few more packing peanuts out onto the floor as she removed the high-polished metallic box for us to see. Aria Blade and company stood heroically together on one side, while further back a little girl seemed to be watching them with delighted interest.

“Wow, that looks awesome. Robin, we’re a freaking lunchbox,” Nicole giggled.

Margie laughed as she carefully set it on her desk, turning back to us. “So, now that that’s out of the way, need any help finding gowns? I have a few more that we’re going to put out on display this afternoon too.”

“Awesome. Do you need help?” I asked. Margie smiled.

“Who am I to turn down free labor?” she teased.

~oOo~

Several cheerleaders’ cars lining the street came into view as I rounded the corner in my own little yellow dream machine. Of course, I’d call anything Nicole had restored for me a ‘dream machine’, but as cars go, a fully-restored convertible sports car is nothing to sneeze at either.

At first I couldn’t quite remember what Chelsea’s house looked like, even though I’d been there before, but I followed the sounds of laughter and loud hip-hop bass beats to the back yard easily enough. The girls stood in a circle, and as I drew closer, I thought I could hear Maria’s voice.

“So lemme lay it out old-school fashion. I’m here to sing it out cause this is my passion. Don’t nobody question when I’m rulin’ the microphone, the Latina hip-hop diva rollin’ heavy on my own. But don’t let my mad rhymes scare you; I ain’t here to be rude. Hey look there’s my friend Robin, let’s hear you drop some ‘tude!”

Suddenly one of the girls grabbed my hand, pulling me to the center. Maria grinned, bowing graciously as she backed into the circle again, leaving me alone.

“Um… I’ve never done this kind of thing; I mean, I can barely even sing.”

Jennifer giggled. “Okay girlie, you get a reprieve, but that was a good first try. I really can’t believe you’d try and deny that you’ve got some natural rhythm, just hear yourself speak. You’re the west coast princess, stylin’, rockin’ it chic.”

“Nice one,” Tracey mused, high-fiving Jennifer as Maria shut off the music.

“Sorry I’m late. Nikki and I were helping my sister put out some new gowns and other stuff, and we just sort of lost track of time.”

Chelsea rolled her shoulders and smiled. “Don’t worry about it.”

“We were just kinda goofing off while we waited for you,” Maria added. “But I’ve gotta go get ready! I’ve got a date tonight,” she added with a playful wink. “You guys have fun.”

“You too,” Chelsea shot back. “Don’t stay out all night!”

Maria laughed. “Yeah yeah. I’ll try and sneak in before sunrise,” she teased, disappearing inside.

“So!” Chelsea continued, turning back to the now more loosely-packed group of girls. “I know this was kinda short-notice, so I just want to remind everyone that if you had other plans tonight, you shouldn’t feel like you have to stay.”

Victoria nodded as she stepped forward. “Yeah. Chels and I were talking, and we decided that since everyone’s been working so hard, and with the stress of prepping for finals too, that we could all use a night to just unwind and have fun.”

“That’s why tonight is the Alpine Springs Cheer and Dance squad’s first annual vintage movie night. But don’t worry, they’re all awesome selections from the depths of my dad’s movie collection. Vicky, Robin, and Trace, you’re on popcorn detail. I’d do it myself, but I have to set up the home theater system.”

Tracey bumped her shoulder lightly against mine. “She’s just volunteering me because I’ve been here enough that I could navigate this place blindfolded,” she joked as we headed inside. As the three of us veered off separately into the kitchen, she added, “Hey Robin, how’s Moira? I guess she’s back from-” she cut herself off at remembering Victoria’s presence, but I picked up where she left off.

“From Europe? Yeah. I actually just talked to her this morning. She said she’s going to be playing bass for the group that’s playing at prom this year.”

Victoria, oblivious to the implications of that news, merrily went about popping the first batch of popcorn, meanwhile Tracey continued to stare blankly back at me for a second or two before finding her voice again.

“You’re kidding? Oh my God, that’s awesome!”

Victoria, startled by Tracey’s exuberant squeal, glanced back at us. “Okay, I give. Who’s Moira?”

Tracey and I both giggled as I answered. “She’s a really close friend of both me and Nikki. Actually Nikki kind of considers her as an adopted sister.”

“Plus she’s an amazing musician. I met her when she chaperoned our Girl Scout ski trip last winter.”

“Ohhh,” Victoria answered, turning back to tend the popcorn. Tracey gave a mock-sweat-wipe gesture as she turned to one of the near cabinets. She certainly seemed to know her way around, as she immediately retrieved several large bowls.

“So how are you and Nikki doing? Is it true Katelyn…? Er…”

“… What?” I asked, a little concerned.

“Well I heard a rumor that she tried to… you know,”

I blinked. I just had to laugh. “I don’t know who you’ve been talking to, but Katelyn and I are just friends. She’s been tutoring me in piano, and I took her homework to her when she was sick, but that’s it.” I hesitated though. “Okay, if I tell you what really happened, will you promise not to repeat it? I don’t want to make her life any worse, but if there are already rumors about us then I need to get the record straight.”

“Sure,” Tracey answered. Victoria turned back toward us with a smile and a nod.

“What really happened was that Katelyn admitted she had developed feelings for me, and didn’t know how to handle it.”

Victoria smiled knowingly. “So that’s why she was all agro with you?”

“Yeah, exactly. The thing with her ex-boyfriend had nothing at all to do with me. She was venting at me because she didn’t want to admit she likes girls as well as guys. But that’s all that happened. We talked, she said she was okay with just being friends, and I promised to help her if I can. I know how it feels to feel completely conflicted inside, like just being yourself is somehow a horrible crime that makes you some kind of monster,” I trailed off. Both Tracey and Victoria surprised me with a hug.

“You’re not a monster Robin,” Victoria spoke first. “You’re the kindest, most giving and forgiving girl I know.”

“Before Amy left,” Tracey added softly, “she pulled me aside, and she confided in me that she was really happy we picked you to replace her. Amy doesn’t give compliments lightly.”

“Everything okay in here?” Chelsea called from the doorway. Victoria turned back to remove the pot full of popcorn from the stove, pouring its contents into the remaining bowls as she nodded.

“All done,” she chimed, but secretly glanced at me with a wink before turning back and picking up a bowl in each hand. She handed them to me as she and Tracey picked up two more each. Chelsea bobbed her head neutrally.

“Alright then. Robin you’ve got some people here to see you. Be sure and tell them they’re welcome to stay!” she added as she turned to return to the living room.

As we rounded the corner ourselves, Nicole and Allison grinned as they waved.

“Davy’s mom has the flu so they had to cancel my babysitting job.”

“And I promised we’d stop by,” Nicole added.

Tracey handed off one of the bowls to Allison as she passed. “Come on, you. The movie’s about to start!”

Nicole cracked a smile as she walked beside me into the living room, where girls sat, laid, or sprawled out across every piece of furniture and a few floor rugs. Jennifer, who had been lying on her stomach by the sofa, sat up and scooted over to make room for us.

“Nikki, you made it! It’s too bad you missed the freestyling earlier.”

“Oh gawd,” Nicole laughed. “You humiliated everyone else again didn’t you?”

“Nah, I kept it low key. Maria’s surprisingly talented though.”

Chelsea stood as she held up the remote. “Alright guys, everything’s set up.”

~oOo~

Late that evening, after Nicole dropped Allison off, she stopped by my step-dad’s at my request. If Moira was going to face her fears, it was time that I faced mine as well. I had never really noticed the glider swing hanging on Ash’s open front porch, but tonight it felt so inviting that I had spent the better part of fifteen minutes just rocking back and forth as I waited for the familiar Mustang to pull into the drive.

“Hey cutie,” Nicole called as she approached and immediately settled in beside me. I gave a contented sigh as she seemed to carefully place her arms around me. “So what’s up?”

“I talked to Moira this morning. She told me everything.”

“Really?” Nicole answered, a little surprised. “That’s good though. It means she trusts you.”

“Yeah. We talked about trust a lot, and … Well, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“C’mon, stop dancing around it and just tell me what it is already,” she insisted with a playful, reassuring smile.

“It’s about Katelyn, sort of. I mean, you know nothing happened between us. I’m not attracted to her or anything, but it was the first time anyone’s ever really given me cause to question my feelings for you, even a little bit.”

“You don’t think I’ve questioned my feelings for you?” Nicole answered softly.

“You have?” I tried to hide the surprise in my voice. She nodded and squeezed my hand as our eyes met.

“Mom says it’s perfectly normal, even healthy. Sometimes I wonder if the only reason I don’t like guys is because of … you know,” she trailed off briefly. “But I’ve slowly begun to realize that I can’t live my life by what-ifs. I have to follow my heart.”

“So what does your heart say?”

She laughed, leaning closer to kiss me. “That I love you. I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you, and it’s grown stronger every day we’re together. I can’t imagine myself with anyone else.”

“I feel the same way,” I answered. Nicole smiled brightly as she pulled me closer and kissed me again.

“Everyone says we’re too young to have feelings like that, and maybe we are, but like I said, I can’t live by what-ifs. I have to follow my heart. It’s not like we’re going to run away together or anything, not that I could anyway being Bob Morgan’s daughter,” she joked with a giggle. “But I’m willing to wait until we’re old enough to stop hearing that we’re too young.”

“Me too,” I whispered softly and kissed her cheek. “I’ve had times when I was afraid that the only reason we were together was because you’ve become a kind of comfort zone for me. I can’t really say I dated Andrea, so in a way you’re my first real girlfriend, but it’s like you said. I can’t live by what-ifs. My heart says this is right, that you’re the one I want to be with. I love you Nikki. That’s all there is to it.”

As if on cue, the front door creaked open and Ash stepped out. He smiled warmly down at us. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, great,” I answered. “Hey Ash, how old were you when you first fell in love?”

Ash laughed cheerfully. “I was about your age, actually. We were just too young and too different though so it didn’t last. But don’t try to measure what you girls have by what others experience. Love is different for everyone. You have to just trust your heart and muddle through the best you can.” He paused to step closer, knelt in front of us, and took our hands, placing them together.

“For what it’s worth though, when I look at you two, I see a lot of myself and Linda. I never believed in love at first sight until we met. I thought I’d never find ‘the one’, and resigned myself to bachelor life, and then one very special young woman came into my life, and turned everything upside-down.” He grinned as he stood again. He bent down to kiss my forehead, and then Nicole’s.

“Good night, girls. Don’t stay up too late.”

“I have to get home soon anyway,” Nicole answered as she turned back to me. She smiled and leaned closer for one last kiss. “G’night cutie.”

“Sweet dreams, vampire,” I concluded our little ritual, squeezing her hand as she stood to leave. I stood and watched, bathed in the glow of the overhead porch light, until her tail lights had completely disappeared from sight before turning to head inside.

~* Girl Power *~ “Wow,” Allison mused as she took in her surroundings. “This is so not what I expected.” I had been busy putting the first of my luggage, my purple duffel bag containing my cheer things, up on the overhead compartment, and glanced back at her. “What were you expecting?” She rolled her shoulders, stepping closer to help me with my small suitcase. “I dunno. Bench-seats facing each other like in the movies? This feels more like an airline. Seats look comfortable though.”

---

“Hey Robin,” Elaine called from her usual place at the computer, deep in the bowels of the Journalism department. “How did you like the student activities spread in the yearbook?”

“I can’t believe you guys used that photo of us from the Girl Scout Halloween party for the center photo,” I teased. “But the layout looks great. I’m guessing since it’s your byline that you designed it too?”

Elaine nodded simply. “Yeah, we were really short-handed this year so newspaper and yearbook staffs doubled up where we could. Mrs. Ellis says we’ll have a few more writers coming up next year though, and she’s personally handpicked some people to do spread layouts.”

“She asked me if I’d be interested in learning too, but I had to decline. I’ll probably be playing basketball again next year, and I might try out for cheerleading again. I’ll probably drop one or the other so I can take a Drama course though.”

“You’d be great at it. Way better than I ever would,” Elaine sighed almost whimsically. “Anyway, did you need something? I haven’t seen Kathy or Trent today.”

I smiled as I shook my head, holding out my yearbook. They had gone with a simple purple base, with a gold script font bearing the words “Best Years of Our Lives” for a design this year. Elaine’s smile brightened as she pulled a dark purple ink pen from her purse.

“Spirit, it’s been an awesome year hasn’t it? Looking forward to seeing you at camp! Love, Ellie.” She pushed the book closed, but before she passed it back to me, she placed hers on top. “Would you sign mine too?”

“Sure!” I answered warmly, opening it. The inside cover and first page were completely blank. I tried not to stare, but Elaine laughed.

“Oh, relax! My locker broke so it’s been stuck in there. You wouldn’t believe how many people thought I locked it in there on purpose though.”

“Did you?” I teased. She stuck her tongue out, and I had to laugh. “Just teasing. Let’s see. Ellie, you made me smile and feel good about myself even when I wanted to limp back to my cabin and cry. You’re a great friend, and I can’t wait to hang out at camp this year. Love, Spirit.”

“Awww,” she answered as she accepted her yearbook, pulling me into a hug. “At least nobody laughed at you,” she advised with a smile. “I’ll probably miss the first session because I’m seeing a new therapist about … um … you know,” she bit her lip, nodding and lowering her gaze to indicate her stomach.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain. Just take care of yourself. We’ll keep a saddle warm for you.”

As I turned to start out, I nearly bumped into Mrs. Ellis. She smiled warmly back at me. “Hi Robin. Care to take a walk with me?”

“Sure,” I responded warmly. “Is everything okay?”

“Mm? Oh, yes, quite well.” She waited until we had left her classroom to continue. “It’s just that with finals in a couple of days, I knew this would probably be the last chance we’d have to talk until next year.”

“I hadn’t thought about that. I’m really going to miss having you as a teacher.”

She laughed, a bright, warm sound that made me smile brightly. I couldn’t help myself.

“I’m honored you feel that way. I’m going to miss you as well. Your recital of The Raven, complete with period costume and props ranks as one of the high points of my teaching career, and I’m just a little bit jealous of whoever gets you next year. Are you taking advanced placement classes again next year?”

“Probably, yeah. Calculus scares me, but if at least one of my friends takes it with me, I should be okay. That way we can both fail together,” I giggled. “This has been a crazy year though. When I first came here I was terrified people would make a big deal out of, you know, my dating another girl, but it’s been pretty tame mostly.”

Mrs. Ellis nodded softly. “I suppose there was that one incident at Homecoming though.”

“But you put a stop to that pretty fast,” I answered. I knew students and teachers had certain rules about contact that shouldn’t be violated, but I decided to make an exception just this once, and I hugged her. “I still remember how I felt when you walked me to the office. I was so upset, so scared I couldn’t see straight, but somehow I knew everything would be okay. You’re not just a teacher to me. You’re a good friend, and I respect you deeply.”

“Robin, I don’t know what to say,” Mrs. Ellis whispered in reply. “I’m honored you feel that way, but I just did what any teacher would have done in that situation.”

“But it wasn’t just any teacher. It was my favorite teacher,” I added with a smile. “Part of me wants to become a teacher so I can touch lives like you have, but I don’t think teaching is really ‘for’ me.”

“There are a lot of ways to touch lives though,” she answered with an equally bright smile. “I’m confident that you’ll find your path. Does that mean you’re thinking about college though?”

“I toured Yale University campus with my step-dad a couple of times now. He’s a Yale graduate himself, so with his and Bob Morgan’s endorsements I might have a chance. I haven’t really tried to give it any serious thought yet though. Maybe next year though.”

“It doesn’t hurt to start thinking about it now; just don’t let it get in the way of being a teenager, either. You’ll have plenty of college and job fairs in the next couple of years to help you decide - believe me,” she chuckled. “I never thought I’d end up teaching English here. I wanted to study meteorology.”

“You’d have made a great weather person. You’ve got the right kind of personality for on-air broadcasting.”

“I studied broadcast journalism in college for awhile, but when I started to realize just how much math was involved in meteorology, I decided to focus my efforts on teaching instead. I don’t regret it one bit though. Oh, I’m not keeping you from another class am I?”

“Not at all. I have P.E. right now but because the school year’s almost over Coach Wilson’s giving us a free pass to take it easy, so I came over to get Ellie to sign my yearbook. I guess I should be getting back to the gym though.”

“Well, you take care of yourself, and good luck this weekend,” Mrs. Ellis offered with a spirited smile.

“Thank you. I’m so nervous, but we’ve done the routine hundreds of times, so there’s not much more we can do to prepare. Final exam’s Wednesday isn’t it?”

Mrs. Ellis paused in thought briefly then nodded. “Yes. Your class’ finals are scheduled for Wednesday morning.”

“Perfect,” I answered warmly as we parted ways.

I had only just disappeared down the hallway when I heard Allison call after me. “There you are! We were wondering if you got lost or something,” she teased, strolling up beside me.

“Nah,” I giggled. “I was just saying goodbye for the summer to my favorite teacher.”

~oOo~

I can honestly say I didn’t know what to expect with Union Station in New Haven. I’d taken short commuter trains and even the cable cars around San Francisco when I lived on the west coast, but I’d never taken a ‘proper’ train. Just seeing the outside took my breath away, though. Through the arched windows we could see chandeliers hanging from the high ceilings.

The school loaned us a bus and driver so we wouldn’t be abandoning our cars, and counting chaperones and guests, we were able to get a group discount on tickets that made a train more economical, and comfortable, than flying. Actually it took very little convincing to talk any of us into the idea on Coach Greer’s part. I was surprised to learn most of the girls on the squad had never taken a train either, but at least it made me feel better.

“God I’m nervous,” Chelsea whispered as we entered the main lobby. Both Jennifer and I glanced back at her at the same moment, and she shrugged. “What? I... I get motion sickness, okay?”

“Aww,” Jennifer responded. “You should’ve told me sooner.”

She reached into her purse, producing what looked vaguely like a small piece of candy, and pressed it into Chelsea’s hand. Chelsea stared blankly down at it for a moment. Jennifer smiled. “I used to get motion sickness when I was a kid. Ironic huh? I could be out there on a big wave and ride it like a champ, but put me on a bus and I’d lose it every time. It’s ginger candy. It helps settle your stomach.”

“You’re sure you don’t need it?” Chelsea asked hesitantly.

“Nope. I just carry some in case I ever get sick again, but that hasn’t happened in years. It’s all yours.”

“Thanks Jen,” Chelsea answered warmly. “I owe you one.”

“SPIRIT!” a group of girls suddenly shouted from close by, and suddenly I found myself caught up in an enthusiastic hug. I turned to see Rachel grinning back at me.

“Oh my God, you guys aren’t taking the 11:18 too are you?” She paused on seeing Allison and Nicole with us, and giggled, hugging them next, along with Jennifer. “Hey, you’re here too!”

“We tagged along to help boost the numbers for the group package deal,” Nicole answered. “Us plus the adult chaperones - Robin’s mom and sister, Ally’s sister, and Victoria’s mom makes just over twenty.”

“I wish we’d thought of that,” Rachel mused. “So are you excited about camp yet?”

“It’s going to be weird without you this year,” Allison answered. Rachel simply grinned.

“Uh oh,” Jennifer teased. Rachel giggled.

“Yeah, uh oh. You can’t get rid of me that easy. I talked to Director Meredith earlier this year. She’s cleared it so I can come back second session, and still attend my normal camp for the first one. She’s so awesome.”

~oOo~

“Wow,” Allison mused as she took in her surroundings. “This is so not what I expected.” I had been busy putting the first of my luggage, my purple duffel bag containing my cheer things, up on the overhead compartment, and glanced back at her.

“What were you expecting?”

She rolled her shoulders, stepping closer to help me with my small suitcase. “I dunno. Bench-seats facing each other like in the movies? This feels more like an airline. Seats look comfortable though.”

“They’d better be,” Nicole mumbled as she approached. “It’s like a five hour trip. We’ll barely have time for sightseeing by the time we get to the hotel, and get checked in.” She eased herself down in one of the well-padded blue seats, and grunted. “Eh. They’ll do.”

I couldn’t help laughing to myself as I sat next to her. “It beats getting stuck on a plane for an hour after having security rifle through our carry-on.”

Nicole smirked. “I guess, but I still wish I had gone a little less Goth today. I swear that security dude was just looking for an excuse to detain me.”

“Well you did step on his foot,” I advised. She blushed lightly and shook her head.

“Hey, I apologized. Besides it really was an accident. I guess getting a three inch heel buried in your toes would make anyone’s day lousy, though.”

Jennifer leaned over from across the aisle and giggled. “Yeah, but like you said, you apologized. You can only stretch the olive branch so far before you lose your balance, you know. Don’t worry about it too much. Besides, did you see those ugly boots he was wearing? I doubt he even felt it.”

~oOo~

The trip was, for the most part, quite relaxing. I couldn’t help feeling restless though, and more than once got up to stretch my legs. I had just seated myself in the mostly-empty cafe car with a can of ice cold red cream soda, when the train suddenly rolled to a stop though.

“What’s going on?” I asked a passing attendant. She shook her head. “I’m not sure. The conductor should announce something shortly if there’s a problem though.”

As if on cue, an older male voice spoke up over the train’s intercom system. “Attention passengers, we’re going to be experiencing a slight delay. I’ve just been informed that another train further down the line has had to stop to make an emergency repair so for safety reasons, we’ll be here a little while. On behalf of AMTRAK I’d like to apologize for the inconvenience.”

The door to the dining car slid open, and Jennifer, Nicole, and Rachel stepped through. Nicole and Rachel immediately joined me at my table while Jennifer approached a moment later with a diet cola in-hand.

“Oh man,” Rachel mumbled. “I was hoping I’d have time to visit my aunt and uncle this evening.”

“Maybe it won’t be very long,” I offered reassuringly. “They can’t just keep us sitting out here forever, right?”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Rachel answered more cheerfully as Allison appeared in the doorway next, sleepily stumbling closer.

“Wha’happened?” she mumbled, fighting a yawn as she sat down at the table.

Nicole covered her lips to stifle a giggle before answering, “Train’s stuck for awhile. There’s another one just up the tracks that had to stop for emergency repairs.”

“Oh great,” Allison whined. “You know, nobody ever stops an airplane in mid-air for repairs.”

“No, they just fall to the ground if something breaks,” Jennifer advised. Allison blinked soberly back at her. “It was a joke!” Jennifer teased. “They make emergency landings usually, but you’re right. At this rate we’ll have to split up our sightseeing into tomorrow and Saturday afternoons. High School competitions and award ceremonies should be done by then.”

“So what are you guys doing for your routine?” Rachel asked as she glanced between Jennifer and me. “We’ve got a big acrobatic routine, but we’re doing a World dance theme with Latin and South American, Asian, and European music and dance, divided into fifteen or twenty second intervals.”

“Wow. That must’ve been a nightmare to choreograph,” Jennifer offered. Rachel nodded.

“You have no idea. Finding ways to transition from one style to another and making it look seamless was really hard. We almost gave up a couple of times.”

Jennifer and I glanced at each other. “Should we tell her?” Jennifer asked first.

I nodded. “I think we can trust her. We’re going to ask that they bring down the lights for us because we’re borrowing a lot of our inspiration from the kind of stage magic Heedless Despair use in their professional shows.”

“You’re not going to have a fog machine and stuff, are you?” Rachel asked nervously. I giggled.

“No no, nothing like that. We’re doing everything strictly by the book this time.”

“Yeah. They canned our last idea because it wasn’t ‘in the spirit of the competition’,” Jennifer added, complete with finger air quotes, “So we cleared everything in advance this time.”

“So, tell me!” Rachel insisted with a grin.

~oOo~

The sun had already gone down by the time we arrived in D.C., but we were all completely wired, either from the sodas or the excitement of being in the nation’s capitol. We all had so much we wanted to see, but so little time to see it. As we stood outside, waiting for the shuttle service to pick up our group, Sasha approached Coach Wilson.

“Come on, Coach,” Sasha begged. “The night’s still young! Can we do something fun after we get checked into our hotel?”

Coach Wilson glanced between the other adult chaperones - Elizabeth, my mother, and Margie, the latter standing off to one side giggling with Kelly about something-or-other then finally nodded.

“Okay, I suppose we can split off into groups. What do you think Liz?”

Elizabeth nodded her agreement. “Just remember you have to be up early tomorrow. It reflects better on your squad when you’re there to cheer on the competition,” she added with a wink.

Sasha squealed and hugged them both. “Ohhh thank you! We don’t have a LOT of time, so I was thinking we could do a little shopping tonight.”

Jennifer gave Sasha a mock-stare. “Anything for a shopping spree, eh?”

Sasha laughed and swatted at her shoulder. “Oh hush you. No, I promised my family some cool souvenirs since they can’t be here to cheer us on. After that we can hit a couple of under-eighteen clubs.”

Jennifer laughed. “Yeah, I figured. Well, I’ll go with you. Anybody else?”

Nicole glanced at me, and I smiled. “You want to go?”

“I dunno. You?”

“Yeah. I don’t really care about shopping, but it’d be fun to check out the night life.”

~oOo~

“Anything?” Victoria asked, looking over my shoulder. Sasha, Nicole and I had spent the last ten minutes searching our smart phones for something fun to do together. Most of the night club scene seemed geared toward eighteen-and-over or twenty-one plus, leaving us completely out.

“Nothing here,” I shook my head.

“Me either,” Nicole added. Sasha slid her phone into her purse.

“No dice. I guess we could still catch a movie. What time is it anyway?”

Kelly glanced at her watch, shaking her head. “Half-past nine. Your coach wants us to roll you girls out of bed bright and early.”

“Oh well,” Allison answered with an accepting tone. “There’s always tomorrow night.”

Without missing a beat, Nicole grinned. “Why, Brain? Wot are we gonna do tomorrow night?”

Sasha giggled. “The same thing we do every night, Pinky.”

Even Margie and Kelly started laughing as we made our way out to our waiting shuttle bus.

~oOo~

I woke up in a bit of a fog the next morning. It wasn’t so much that I minded getting up early, but Nicole and I had stayed up late talking. The worst part was that we weren’t really talking about anything important as much as just enjoying each other’s company.

I didn’t actually see her again until I was on my way to the bathroom. Thankfully I’d already showered the night before, and just needed to relieve myself. Nicole was already set, clad in her spaghetti-strap black top, black jeans, and boots. A bright smile crossed her lips as we exchanged a hug.

“Morning cutie. I didn’t keep you up too late did I?”

I laughed quietly as I shook my head. “It was worth it. You look cute. Are you sure you want to dress down though?”

“I’m already going to cause a scene when we inevitably get caught up in the moment,” Nicole teased, but shifted her gaze, staring at her feet. I carefully tilted her chin to look her in the eye.

“I love you. If people have a problem with that, it’s theirs to deal with or get over. I’m a cheerleader, yes, but it’s not all that I am, and if I thought for even a moment that it would cause problems or make you feel uncomfortable, I’d quit the squad in a heartbeat.”

“No you’re not,” Nicole answered quickly. “You’ve worked too hard. Besides, it’s not that I’m ashamed. I just don’t want to cause problems for you or the squad.”

Victoria timidly stepped out of the bathroom. “I tried to wait until you guys were finished, but I hate eavesdropping more than interrupting. Can I give you some honest advice?”

Nicole slowly turned to Victoria and nodded. “Sure.”

Victoria placed her hand gently on Nicole’s shoulder. “I’m not saying this as Robin’s co-captain, but as her friend, and hopefully as yours. Normally I don’t like public displays of affection from anyone, regardless of who they’re dating, but I also understand the adrenaline rush she was feeling that day. I felt it too, and if my boyfriend had been in the stands, I probably would’ve done exactly the same thing.”

Victoria’s smile remained as smooth and even as her tone, but she had a certain wisdom about her that reminded me so much of Jennifer that I had to smile a little as she continued.

“But it’s how you guys handled the fallout that impressed me the most. You didn’t hide. You didn’t act like you had done something wrong, and really, you didn’t do anything wrong. You shouldn’t be afraid to be yourselves. No one’s going to remember who Victoria Esquire or Robin Smith or Nicole-”

“Nikki,” Nicole corrected.

“Nikki Morgan are in ten years. If we win, it’ll just be another trophy in the trophy cabinet at school by then, and if we lose, it’ll be a footnote in a school paper nobody bothered to save.”

“Thanks, Victoria,” Nicole finally answered, though I don’t think our illustrious leader expected the hug. “That really means a lot to me.”

“And me,” I added, and hugged her myself.

“I’m jealous, honestly. What you guys have is the kind of relationship I want with my boyfriend, but all he can talk about is which college has the best athletics program. He doesn’t care that I’ll probably be getting into an Ivy League school while he’s partying in Texas or wherever.” Victoria paused, clearing her throat and quickly changing the subject. “Anyway, bathroom’s all yours.”

“I just need to get my brush,” Nicole answered, nodding toward me. “You go ahead.”

~oOo~

I didn’t bother with my makeup since I knew I’d have to change it anyway. We had gone to great lengths to make absolutely certain no one would see us until we were ready, and while it bent the rules of the competition just a little in terms of how teams are to present themselves, we cleared it with the organizers, with the promise that if invited to future competitions, we wouldn’t make a habit of it. It didn’t hurt that Coach Greer reminded them that they had already shot us down once for reasons that had nothing to do with the competition itself.

Of course we had our regular cheer uniforms, but it was more complicated than that. The first half of our routine would be very Goth themed. We made up masks, plus Margie and ‘Aunt’ Jane made sure they would be easy to get out of, revealing our normal uniforms underneath for the second half of the routine, which incorporated less dance, more traditional moves.

It was a bold plan, and a lot could go wrong, but we’d rehearsed both the routine and the transition so many times that if we weren’t ready by now, we weren’t going to be.

For the first couple of hours, we sat together to watch the other squads perform. We were good, but some of these groups were better. I could feel my stomach roll. I couldn’t take it anymore and jumped to my feet. My ribbon-laden ponytail bounced just like it was supposed to, but unfortunately it added to my self-consciousness. I quietly excused myself and made a bee-line for the nearest bathroom.

“Hey?” an unfamiliar voice called from the door as I stood, staring at myself in the mirror, trying to control my nerves so that I wouldn’t need to ‘occupy’ the pristine white bathroom stall behind me. I slowly turned to see an older girl dressed in a long-sleeved red on white uniform smile back at me, her dark hair and skin contrasting her uniform beautifully.

“Hey,” I answered softly, turning back to the mirror.

“I saw you run in here, so I thought I’d come check on you. Is everything okay?”

I slowly shook my head. “I can’t believe I’m even doing this. I can’t believe I’m really here, at the cheer nationals. I don’t belong here.”

“Hey, now. A lot of girls can only dream of being in the Nationals. You’re just nervous.”

“It’s not just that. I’m only here because Amy, one of our seniors, had to drop out. I knew most of the routines because I was practicing with a friend on the squad to try out next year. Some of the teams here are just so amazing. It’s so overwhelming.”

“Ohhhh I get it now,” she answered. “Listen, for what it’s worth, I’ve been doing this for three years in a row and I still get nervous, but don’t you think Amy would want her successor to do her best out there? To make her proud that the squad chose the right girl?”

“I-I guess so, yeah. She pulled one of my squad-mates aside before she left, and she told them she was really excited that they picked me, but I’m still just a first-year girl. And I still think I’m going to be sick.”

“Oh no you don’t,” she answered quickly, gesturing with her hand. “Yawn. Just, take a really deep, long yawn.”

“Okay,” I replied a little skeptically, but did as she asked.

“Feel better?”

“Yeah, I do actually.”

She giggled. “Do that just before you go on, too, but don’t let the judges see. I don’t know why it works, but there you go. I’m Tanya by the way.”

“Robin,” I answered. Her eyes widened slightly.

“I know this is a weird question, but you wouldn’t happen to be Robin Smith, Alpine Springs Northside squad?”

“Um... Yes? How did you know?”

She smiled brightly, just as Nicole and Jennifer stepped through the door. “Andrea talks about you sometimes, how you saved her. She said if I saw you at Nationals to tell you hi for her.”

“Oh, wow. That’s so cool. Hey Jen, Nikki, this is Tanya, one of Andrea’s friends from back in San Francisco.”

“Hey,” Nicole replied warmly as she waved, and Jennifer nodded.

“Nice to meet you,” she added, then turned to me. “Everything okay? You were looking a little green when you got up.”

“Yeah, I’m okay now, thanks to Tanya.”

The new girl shrugged her shoulders. “It’s no big. Even I get nervous when I’m about to compete. Speaking of which, my squad should be on deck soon. Good luck out there!”

“Small world, huh?” Nicole teased, wrapping me in a hug as she kissed my cheek.

“Very. Let’s get back out there and cheer on the competition.”

“I’ll leave the cheering to you two,” Nicole responded with a quiet laugh.

~oOo~

Since we had already gotten dressed before leaving the hotel that morning, I didn’t have to worry so much about getting ready with the other girls. Part of me felt, not so much guilty, but out of place among them though, but they seemed to think nothing of my presence.

“Robin, help me with my makeup,” Sasha insisted as she pulled me off to one side. “I’m just glad we only have to wear these masks for a few minutes,” she continued. I’d only gotten about halfway through helping her with her stage makeup when she finally stated what had been on my mind the entire time.

“It’s nice having you around.”

“How so?” I asked, feigning ignorance. She smiled and shrugged.

“I dunno. When you’re not in the locker room it just feels like something’s missing, like the squad isn’t whole. I know you have your reasons for getting ready alone and all, but … I’d really like it if you could start hanging out with us after you’re ready.”

I stopped to stare at her a moment, but smiled. “I’ll talk to Coach Greer about it. Thanks Sasha. I think I needed to hear that right now.”

“Hey, we’re teammates. We stick together.”

“Ten minutes girls,” Coach Greer advised, poking her head in the door. If I didn’t know better, I’d have sworn she was smiling at me as I let Sasha do my stage makeup.

~oOo~

I wish I could say that we executed our routine flawlessly, and as far as the crowd was concerned, we may as well have. The Goth Zombie Rave portion went off without a hitch, as did our costumes, though for whatever unfortunate reason, Chelsea’s mask didn’t travel quite as far as it was supposed to when we threw them to the sides to collect our pompoms for the next portion. During a high kick, her foot caught the edge, sending it flying off to the side.

I felt so bad for her. I knew the kind of pressure she put on herself, and I knew what was going to happen the second we rushed off the mat. The crowd, including several other squads, cheered us on as we departed. Maybe they felt sympathetic for us? It was an accident that could’ve happened to any one of them, and probably had before.

Nicole and Allison hurried over from the stands, though Nicole and I managed to keep it low key this time, sharing a long, perhaps overly friendly hug instead of a kiss.

“You guys were great,” she insisted. “God, that was so amazing.”

“And Heedless Despair even let us use their music royalty-free,” I joked, causing her to laugh.

Chelsea smiled meekly as she turned to walk away. I let go of Nicole to follow her.

“It could’ve happened to anyone,” she remarked as I caught up with her. “That’s what you were going to say right?”

“Actually I was going to say I wish it’d been me.”

“What?” She turned to stare at me with mild surprise.

“Chelsea, you work your butt off for the rest of us.” I wanted to say ‘ass’, but I couldn’t be sure there weren’t judges watching us like last time. What I said next though, was just for Chelsea’s ears. “You go above and beyond, push yourself so hard. Things like this shouldn’t happen to people like you. It’s not fair. It should’ve been me that screwed up.”

“But it wasn’t, and as co-captain I have to take responsibility for it. All we can do is hope that they won’t dock us too many points for it.” She exhaled softly as she leaned forward, her taller frame easily dwarfing mine as she hugged me. “I’m sorry Robin. I let everyone down.”

“No you didn’t,” Sasha insisted. “You pulled us together.”

Tracy spoke up next, adding to the chorus with a surprisingly cheerful tone, “It was your and Victoria’s choreography that got us this far.”

Victoria rested a hand on Chelsea’s shoulder. “I told Robin and Nikki something this morning that I’m going to tell you now, not as a co-captain, but as a friend. Nobody’s going to remember this competition in ten years. If we win it’ll just be another trophy in the trophy case by then. What’s important is the friends we’ve made.

“You’re a natural leader, and you’re going to go far. Yes, things didn’t go the way we planned, but that’s life, girl. Sometimes all you can do is pick up and move on, and you’ve got an entire squad here that’s ready to dig in and try again next year. You can bet I’ll be cheering you on from the stands when you do.”

Chelsea, by now in tears, hugged Victoria close. “Thanks Vicky. I needed that. Just promise me one thing.”

“Anything, Chels. You know that.”

“Promise me you’ll invite us to the college nationals.”

Victoria laughed. “You’ve got it.”

~oOo~

Needless to say, we didn’t place first, but twenty-ninth overall was practically unheard-of for a first-year squad so I think we did pretty well. Rachel’s squad placed twenty-third, and Tanya’s much higher at eighth. By the time we left Saturday’s awards ceremony, we were all ready to get out of there and do some sightseeing, though. We only had that afternoon left, so Jennifer and I decided not to bother changing out of our uniforms.

We felt pretty safe to travel on our own since we were just visiting the National Mall - which, by the way, isn’t a shopping center, but I won’t name names as to who among us thought it was. It wasn’t me, anyway. Jennifer, Allison, Nicole and I spent a great deal of time just wandering around until Jennifer wisely found us a brochure about the area.

As we approached the Lincoln Memorial, I leaned closer. “Hey Jen, what does it say about it?”

Jennifer giggled as she opened the pamphlet. “The long version or the short?”

“The short. We have to get back to the hotel before dark.” I didn’t really notice the mousy young girl standing midway up the steps in front of us until we were nearly on top of her, so I gave her a polite smile and waved. “Oh, hi there. You sightseeing too?”

The girl nodded nervously. “Um, yeah.”

Nicole looked the girl over briefly before asking, “Don’t I know you from somewhere? Robin, doesn’t she look really familiar?”

“Robin?” she asked, sounding a little stunned. “Spirit?”

I immediately recognized her, but I had to ask. “Sarah?” I answered, and when she stepped closer, I couldn’t help doing the same.

“Oh my God, it IS you isn’t it!”

“Sarah! Guys this is her! This is the girl Kelly sort of introduced me to, the one I’ve been emailing with back and forth for awhile now.”

Sarah smiled nervously as she waved back. “Um, hi,” she offered meekly. I giggled, practically bubbling as I introduced her to everyone.

“Sarah this is Jennifer, Allison, and Nikki, my best friends.”

“I kind of feel like I already know you guys. Spirit’s told me so much. Er, I mean Robin,” she corrected herself. Jennifer laughed.

“Hey, they’re interchangeable. You wouldn’t believe how often we’ll be visiting somewhere and hear somebody scream,” Jennifer paused, shouting, “HEY SPIRIT!” Both Allison and I jumped, and Nicole just laughed.

“Gawd, yeah. Hey, is that your mom over there?”

“Oops, yeah, that’s her. How could you tell?”

“It’s the glare,” she answered with a giggle. “Better go let her know we’re not harassing you or something, hey?”

“Good idea. I’ll catch up with you guys in a minute okay?”

I nodded, and we proceeded up the Memorial steps to give her a few minutes.

“Reeeally small world,” Jennifer teased. I had to laugh.

“I know right? Two in two days. I’m just waiting for some long-lost relative to show up and recognize one of us or something.”

We giggled and chatted amongst ourselves, but the realization that we were standing in the shadow of the great Emancipator hadn’t been lost on me either. I felt at once humbled and in awe as I stared up at the statue, as Sarah returned with LeAnn and another woman. I immediately moved to hug LeAnn.

“Hey you, long time no see.”

“Not since that day on the roof, eh?” she responded, smiling brightly. “Oh, Robin this’ our mother, Margaret. Momma, this is Robin Smith, AKA Spirit.”

Margaret eyed me warily. “Ah ha. So you’re the young miss who’s been putting ideas into Sarah’s head all this time, inspiring her with stories about your life in … what was it, Alpine Springs?”

Her mock glare faded as she pulled me into a hug. Her voice cracked as she whispered, “Thank you so much.”

“I really didn’t do much beyond encourage her, to let her know girls like us can be accepted.”

I turned to Sarah as Margaret stepped back again. “Everyone present knows about me, about the life I used to live, so if you think people recognizing you will stop them from accepting you, it won’t. You just have to be selective about who you talk to about it. It’s nobody’s business but those you choose to share it with. Just remember that.”

Sarah nodded as she smiled. “I’d just as soon forget about it entirely.”

“You and me both, girl,” I laughed, leaning into Nicole and resting my head on her shoulder.

“We’ve still got a lot of ground to cover. You’re more than welcome to join us,” Jennifer added.. “I’d love to hear more about your life Sarah.”

Sarah looked hopefully up at her mother. Margaret nodded. “I don’t see why not.”

“Yay!” Sarah cheered. “Oh, I love you guys’ uniforms by the way.”

~oOo~

We spent the better part of what was left of the afternoon exploring, getting lost, laughing, and chatting about our very different lives. Sarah really seemed to latch onto us, and I couldn’t help feeling like I’d gained a little sister, someone who understood what I was going through in ways that even my closest friends couldn’t.

“So you haven’t decided yet?” I finally asked.

“It’s just so hard, y’know? This afternoon’s been so much fun, but I just know I’d miss Chris and Emily too,” she answered. I felt for her. I didn’t really have anything to lose when I moved to Connecticut.

“I guess I was lucky like that.” I paused to smile at Nicole. “When I left San Francisco, I wasn’t leaving anyone behind, really. There’s Andrea, but we didn’t really become good friends until after I moved here.”

“And after she showed up in a McDonalds in the middle of nowhere, on the way to a basketball game,” Jennifer advised. I had to laugh.

“Yeah, um, that was … that was a weird day for me all around. But listen, for what it’s worth, you won’t jump head-first into the unknown if you do decide to come stay with your sister.”

Sarah stopped in her tracks to stare at me. “I’m not sure I follow.”

I smiled as I motioned to the others, still holding Nicole close. “I love my friends, and there’s no way I’d have had the courage to be myself without their strength and support. You don’t think we’d just abandon you to the wolves, do you?”

“But I hardly know you,” Sarah answered.

“You did say you felt like you already knew us,” Allison offered reassuringly. “Besides, we’re all Girl Scouts. We do know a few girls your age we could introduce you to, plus you’d be welcome to hang out with us anytime you wanted.”

“We’re not trying to push you to a decision,” Nicole concluded, “But Robin’s damn special to us, and anyone she’s willing to go out on a limb for like this, we are too. Plus we’ve been following the news reports ever since you were made a media darling. Like it or not, we care about what happens to you.”

“Thanks guys. I really dunno what to say.”

I smiled, letting go of Nicole to hug Sarah. “Say you won’t let fear decide what you want. You’ll have a place here, and you’ll have a place back in Arkansas. It’s up to you. If you decide to go back we can still stay in touch, email and stuff so you’re not losing anything. We just want to help.”

“I’ll let you know what I decide,” Sarah responded simply, but added a moment later, “But … it would really help if I could see what Alpine Springs is like.”

LeAnn laughed. “I’ll let my roommate know we’ll have company in a few days. I’m sure she won’t mind.”

“Thanks sis; you’re the best!” Sarah answered excitedly. Margaret chuckled.

“And I’ll let Ashleigh know about the change of plans so she doesn’t book our suite for too long.”

“Wait a minute. You guys got a suite?” Allison asked, surprised, though I couldn’t blame her. Even with the group discount our rooms were hardly deluxe accommodations.

Sarah nodded. “It’s a long story. Can we give y’all a ride back to your hotel?” she added as she motioned to a point just up the street, where their limousine, and driver, awaited.

Nicole laughed to herself, glancing at me. “Haven’t been in one of those in awhile. Sure, why not?”

~* Save the Last Dance *~ About halfway through the night, after the band had just finished their second set - a mix of up-tempo modern music and a few slower songs, Moira stepped up to the microphone, tapping it and clearing her throat. “A’right everyone, it’s time for th’ moment ye’ve all been waitin’ for, aye? You’ve all cast yer votes for Prom King and Queen, and I have in my hand here the final results.” She paused, carefully opening the small envelope as we all waited excitedly to hear the results. “This year’s prom queen is …”

---

I barely had time to unpack my suitcase Sunday afternoon, before I had to get myself to the salon. Denise, my stylist for the last year, had gotten word through Margie that I would be attending this year’s prom, and saved an appointment just for me, but if I didn’t hurry I’d lose it entirely. At least the return trip had been pleasant: no broken down trains or cows on the tracks to delay us.

Against my better judgment, I had let Nicole and Victoria talk me into a really flashy, dark green halter style gown, with a small band of sequins swirling from the right side hip area up toward just under the bust line on the left. I’d never worn anything like it in my life, so of course had serious doubts. They insisted it really went well with my complexion, to say nothing of my medium-dark green eyes, and this was the first thing Denise asked me about when I sat down in the stylist chair.

“Hmm,” she responded, a simple answer to a complex question. “Well it’s a formal affair, so you really want to look your best. You also want to look like you belong there, and that gown should help a lot with that.”

“But?”

She smiled innocently. “But nothing, dear. I was just plotting how we could accentuate your hair. The curl’s started to fall out hasn’t it?”

“Yeah. It was already nice and loose from when you highlighted it. What do you have in mind?”

“I’m thinking a nice, tight formal bun. I have a cute little jade-encrusted hair clip I could loan you. Add some flowers, like Baby’s Breath and you’ll be the envy of everyone. I’ll show you how to insert it, and then you can do it yourself when you’re getting dressed. Are you going to get to take a limo?”

“Nikki and I talked about that, but she’s going to drive me in her Mustang instead.”

“Ohh, that’s just as good, if you ask me,” she replied with a light chuckle. “Now, let’s get started.”

~oOo~

Denise really went the extra mile to help me, not just by loaning me some jewelry or fake flowers. She had loaned me a hair clip once before, before my first big date with Nicole. Today though, she went down an entire checklist of things, including a couple that hadn’t crossed my mind. She shaped my nails and gave me some sound advice about getting ready the next day, and by the time I left, I had systematically organized everything into neat little categories on a piece of notebook paper in my purse. But even if I did lose the list, the important things were easy to remember, like getting a good night’s sleep and a good meal the night before.

I hadn’t heard the strains of electric guitar coming from Allison’s garage for awhile, so they were a pleasant surprise, to say the least, when I pulled into the driveway and stepped out. I didn’t see Nicole’s car though, but I imagined she’d probably be over soon.

“Wow, nice hair,” Allison called as I stepped closer.

“Thanks. You look cute too,” I teased, playfully tugging at one of her braided pigtails. She laughed as she rolled her eyes.

“Hush you. My appointment’s tomorrow. I know it’s cutting it close, but they were booked solid even a month ago.” She patted the stool next to her where Nicole usually sat, and after I eased myself on it, she smiled. “So how are you liking keys?”

“Keys?” I stared blankly back, causing her to giggle. “Keyboard. Or are you a pianist?”

“Pianist? Hardly,” I answered. She laughed again.

“I’m teasing. We should jam together some time though. Like I said the other day, I just do this for fun, but I’d love to practice with you and Nikki, you know, get a real band sound going?”

“Sounds like fun, actually. But I’m not very good. Not like you guys.”

“Oh, please,” Allison remarked as she strummed a few barrechords. As she went up and down the neck, she named them off. “A minor, G, F, G, E. You know those chords right?”

“Sure. That song sounds familiar. What is it?”

Allison giggled, repeating the same chords as she began to sing, “All the leaves are brown, and the sky is gray...”

“Oh God,” I groaned, but laughed. “I’m surprised no one’s pulled that one out on me before.”

“I thought about it a time or two, but first with your mom in the hospital, and then with that “Valley girl” crap at school, I didn’t want to make you feel bad.”

“Aww.” I stepped off the stool to wrap an arm around her, kissing her cheek in a sisterly gesture. “Ally, you’d never make me feel bad. And I actually like that song. I just didn’t realize it was that easy.”

“A lot of them are if you transpose the chords to something easier to put into barre. That’s a little secret about musicians,” she added with a wink, “And Moira will tell you the same thing. They’re lazy.” She giggled.

“My keyboard’s back at Margie’s. I can go get it if you want to try?”

Allison shook her head. “No need, girl. I’ve got a new acoustic I’ve been dying to give a proper workout. C’mon, we can use Kelly’s baby grand.”

Allison carefully set her guitar on its stand and turned to step inside, stopping long enough to turn off the large amplifier toward the back of the garage. We parted ways in the hall as she headed upstairs, while I stepped into the living room, seating myself at the piano.

I tried to remember the chords Allison had just told me, and how it translated to the piano keys, but the last two didn’t really click until I heard an acoustic guitar strum them behind me. Of course, I jumped a little.

She giggled. “Remember that cute little travel guitar Kristen let me try out?”

I didn’t really realize what she meant until I glanced back at her, to see her holding a diminutive little mahogany guitar. Almost immediately the scent of aged wood wafted past me. “Oh! The one she was practicing on when they lost her stage guitar?”

“Yup! I found a local dealer who had one used for under a hundred. I’ll have to babysit for like, months before I can get that money back, but it was so totally worth it. I’m taking it to camp this year instead of my big, bulky one. So you were aiming for A minor, G, F right?”

~oOo~

I completely lost track of time. Allison and I must have been hanging out, giggling and playing together for the better part of three or four hours though because by the time we hugged and said good night for the evening, the sun had already set, and I had at least five messages on my phone. I skipped right to Nicole’s, and after playing it back, called her as I walked to my car.

“Hey cutie,” I teased.

“Hey, that’s MY line!” she laughed. “Where’ve you been hiding?”

“I got my hair done for tomorrow night, and after that I was hanging out at Ally’s. We’ve decided that before we go off to girl scout camp, maybe some night this week if you’re up for it, that we’re going to get together and jam.”

“That sounds awesome!” Nicole practically cheered. “I’ve been dying to get you involved ever since you started taking lessons. You’ve heard Jen freestyle, but you’ve never heard her sing have you?”

“Not that I can remember,” I answered, pulling my seatbelt across. “I’m just leaving Ally’s now, but I wanted to let you know I’m okay first.”

“Oh, that’s fine. I was like literally just about to step into the bathroom for a nice, hot soak. We’re still on for your parents’ for the pre-prom stuff right?”

“Absolutely. Mom says we can use the master bedroom and its attached bathroom.”

“Sweet. I love you Robin. See you tomorrow.”

“G’night vampire. I love you too,” I responded, and set my phone aside. I looked across the shared lawn space between Allison’s and Margie’s, or I should say ‘my’ home, and sighed. As much as I wanted Ash and Mom’s house to be my home, this place was where ‘Robin’ was born. If it wasn’t for Allison I wouldn’t be here, now, attending my first prom in just under twenty-four hours as a proper young lady.

Ash took me in, accepted me as his own daughter, but this place would always be my first home.

~oOo~

I rolled out of bed bright-and-early Monday morning. I made sure to get to bed early the night before, but I spent most of the first hour just staring at the ceiling, trying to fall asleep. We had a big night that night, but luckily I had the morning to myself, and I planned to make the most of it. I had a full morning of relaxing in the tub, a nice, full breakfast, and some quality time with my step-dad planned.

I had only gotten as far as the kitchen though when my cell phone started ringing. Unfortunately I couldn’t remember where I left my purse, but following the strains of ringtone, I found it in the living room. How it got behind the sofa, however, I couldn’t begin to guess.

“Hello?” I quickly answered without checking the Caller ID since I knew my voice mail would kick in if I let it go any longer.

“Robin, did I wake you?” Sarah asked.

“Sarah, hey! No, I just got up a few minutes ago actually. What’s up?”

“Not a lot. We stayed in DC for another day, but we’re flying out to New Haven this evening. LeAnn’s roommate gave the okay for Mom and me to crash at their apartment, but Ashleigh insists she’s got it taken care of.”

“Flying? Oh man, you have my sympathies.”

“I know right? Going through airport security is SCARY, but it’s okay. Ashleigh sprang for first class tickets, so we’ll at least be comfortable while we’re stuck in a holding pattern or whatever.”

“Ahh, so that’s why you didn’t take a train.”

“We could’ve taken a train? Oh man. The only trains that run back home are like, AMTRAK out of Little Rock I think.”

“Welcome to the big city,” I teased, causing her to laugh and respond in the most atrociously bad stereotypical Southern accent that I had ever heard.

“Well golly gee, I jes’ don’ know wut ta say thar city-slicker. Thankee!”

We both cracked up laughing.

“Sorry. You walked RIGHT into that one.”

“Yeah, I did. So does your sister live in Alpine Springs? I never thought to ask.”

“Naw. She lives in New Haven. She commutes there for her internship because you guys’ hospital is smaller, and usually in need of an extra pair of hands. So I’ll probably be stayin’ there at least at first.”

“Well, listen, my sister Margie has one spare room, and I’m going to probably be sleeping over at my step-dad’s place until Girl Scout camp starts. Talk it over with your Mom, and I’ll talk to Margie, but I’m sure she’ll be fine with it, if you want to stay here in Alpine Springs.”

I had to pull the phone away from my ear at Sarah’s excited squeal.

“You’re serious aren’t you? Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!”

“Yeah. I don’t think Margie’s going to have a problem with it, and it’ll give you a chance to see Alpine Springs for yourself. I haven’t spent a lot of time with my mom and step-dad since they got married because I’ve been trying to give them some space, but now that school’s out I’m trying to fix that, so you could sleep in my room either way.”

“That is so sweet. Thanks Spirit. I’ll talk to Momma about it some time today. Anyway, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Take care,” I answered, and immediately started dialing. “Margie, hey!”

~oOo~

None of us had ever really given much thought to prom before, being Sophomores with little prospect of dating a Junior or Senior save for Allison, so we actually had little idea what to expect other than the music. To settle our impending nerves - or at least mine, I decided to start on a light meal of tacos. I had just finished browning the meat when Jennifer stepped through the kitchen door, strode up and wrapped me in a hug from the side.

“That smells really good. Don’t tell Ally’s mom I said this, but you make THE best tacos!”

I laughed as I turned off the burner. “Thanks. There’s soda in the fridge, or juice, or bottled water.”

“Oh, don’t mention water. I already have to pee. Can I just set this anywhere?” she asked, holding up a garment bag with her prom gown, a near-floor length bright gold dress with a delicate ruffled ‘cap’ for a sleeve just past the shoulder.

I giggled at her openness to discussing bodily functions before answering. “Yeah. You can take it upstairs and lay it on the bed in the master bedroom if you want. That’s where I left mine. Bathroom’s just off from it by the walk-in closet.”

“Thanks!” she answered, hurrying up the stairs. I shook my head, stifling a laugh as I set about putting together our taco platter. I had just finished the third one when she came strolling at a leisurely pace through the door again.

“So are you nervous yet?”

“Why do you ask?” I teased. She laughed.

“Because you’re making a leaning tower of taco meat in that shell, there.”

I frantically scraped off some of the taco meat before it could fall onto the floor, depositing it in the next shell and setting it down gently. “Okay, yeah, I’m a little nervous.”

“There’s nothing to be nervous about,” Jennifer reassured.

I shook my head. “That’s easy for you to say.”

“Robin? Sweetie, what’s really going on? Is this about what you and Victoria talked about the other day?”

“What? Oh, God no. No this isn’t about me and Nikki.” I could feel my cheeks burn. “It’s just I … I’ve never been to a school dance before. Ever.”

“Ohhhhh,” she answered. “And you bought that super-sparkly gown.”

“Yes. Nikki and Victoria both insisted it looked great on me, but just between us?” I had to laugh. “I feel like a Christmas tree ornament.”

Jennifer stared blankly back at me for just a second and started laughing. “Okay now you know I’m never gonna get that mental image out of my head before the prom. Is it okay if I tell the others that?”

“Tell us what?” Allison asked as she and Nicole entered from the far side.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” I answered, now fighting a giggle myself. “I’ve got tacos girls,” I added, “And you can put your gowns upstairs in the master bedroom if you want.”

“Sweet. Here Ally, I’ll take yours,” Nicole offered, turning to Allison, who handed off her garment bag.

“Thanks Nikki,” she answered. “I’m starving. I was in the salon for three hours, and I was too nervous to eat lunch. Oh hey Robin? You know that house on the other side of Margie’s?”

“The one that’s been empty for like, six months?”

“Longer than that actually. Anyway there’s a Sale Pending sign up now.”

“Oh, wow. So we’re getting new neighbors?”

“May be. Just thought I’d mention it since Nikki and I were gossiping about it on the way over.”

“That’s great. We’ll have to do our Scoutly duty and make them feel welcome, if they’re not like, sex offenders or something.”

“No, you’d get a warning about something like that,” Jennifer advised solemnly. None of us could forget the Raggedy Man, even nearly a year later, though Allison and I tried very hard. I wasn’t going to let thoughts of that monster ruin our evening though, so I changed the subject.

“I talked to Sarah this morning. It looks like she might be staying at Margie’s, if her mom and Margie both say yes.”

“Really?” Allison perked up. “That’s awesome. I’ll make sure they feel welcome and introduce Sarah to my parents.”

“Thanks Ally. You know I’m honestly thinking about skipping session one of Girl Scout camp.”

Allison, without missing a beat, smiled knowingly. “Now where have I heard this conversation before?”

Jennifer laughed. “Gee, I wonder. For what it’s worth Robin, I told her it was up to her, but I thought it was a really sweet gesture.”

“But … I thought you said you didn’t know about me?” I asked, a little confused. I vividly remembered fumbling with my hormone replacement therapy pills when Jennifer had unintentionally snuck up on me, the morning after our first sleepover.

“Oh, I didn’t. Ally just told me she was thinking of staying home for the first session to make Margie’s “sibling” feel welcome. When I saw a girl I just assumed... Y’know,” she shrugged her shoulders and smiled.

“I really did say “sibling” too,” Allison laughed. “I didn’t want to give anyone any ideas about me trying to sneak a new boyfriend past my parents’ no-dating rule.”

“Yeah, but it’s your loss,” Nicole chimed in as she returned, giggling. She pulled me into a hug, pressing her lips to mine for just a brief moment before sighing contentedly. “Best. Summer. Ever.”

“So far,” I added, returning the kiss. “So, I still need to do my toenails. Denise shaped my fingernails for me.”

“You bought that sparkly green gown didn’t you?” Allison asked. “I brought some sparkly nail polish that’ll look awesome with it.”

Jennifer snickered, singing under her breath, “O Christmas tree...”

~oOo~

After everyone was dressed and ready, but before Josh arrived to pick up Allison, the four of us gathered in the living room. Margie, Kelly, Mom, and Gina had by now all joined us, each of them grinning like Cheshire cats as they brandished their digital cameras.

“Okay girls, individual pictures, then group pictures,” Margie instructed, adding, “And Robin I want some of you and Nikki together too.”

I felt like Cinderella waiting for her carriage. I didn’t even mind the two inch heels. I was sure by the end of the night I’d be ready to throw them out the window of Nicole’s Mustang, but for now they just added to the glamorous feel of the whole proceedings.

Just when I thought we were finished though, Nicole started to giggle and turned to Allison, who approached, carrying something behind her back.

“There’s a special prom tradition. Normally when a guy picks up his date, he brings her a corsage,” Nicole began, and as she did, produced a clear plastic case containing a small bouquet of flowers. “Now since neither of us are guys, I decided you deserve the first honor.”

I didn’t even notice the camera flashes as she carefully slipped the corsage onto my wrist. It took all I had in me not to start crying right then and there. I threw my arms around her, and I kissed her. I kissed her again, and I whispered a broken “I love you.”

She giggled. “I love you too, cutie. Next year you can buy me one,” she teased.

~oOo~

I felt bad for Jennifer, who despite insisting going without a date was her choice, had to endure Nicole and me giggling all the way to the school. So far we had managed to keep Moira’s planned appearance a secret, but as we drew nearer, I found it harder and harder to hold my tongue.

“Everyone have their tickets?” Jennifer asked as we rolled to a stop. I reached for the diminutive green purse I’d bought just for the occasion, producing my and Nicole’s tickets. Nicole reached a gloved hand out to squeeze mine, smiling nervously.

“I can’t believe we’re really here, at the Junior-Senior prom, as freakin’ sophomores.”

“It gets better. Wait until you see who the evening entertainment is,” Jennifer chided, then added, “Hey there’s Ally and Josh. Let’s all enter together so it looks like we’re in a group?”

“But we are a group,” Nicole teased, and I stepped over just a bit, pulling Jennifer between us.

“Aww, thanks guys. I won’t hang around you all night. I’m going to be prowling for singles while you’re making the seniors look bad on the dance floor,” she giggled.

For about the first fifteen minutes or so, we did stay together as a group, but largely because there wasn’t really much of a reason not to do so. They had some generic, awful music playing. Worse yet, it sounded like elevator music of a Heedless Despair song... Hey, wait a minute!

I realized what was going on only shortly before the music abruptly stopped and a much more familiar variation began to play, only with an electric violin in place of the vocals. The gathered students began to cheer as the stage curtain at the far side of the hall raised to reveal five women dressed in black evening gowns. Slightly back and away from the others, Moira held a generic-looking black electric bass, smiling directly at us.

Nicole didn’t notice at first, until I leaned over and whispered in her ear, “Nikki. Check out the band.”

“Huh?” she started, as she turned to look up at the stage. “Oh my God,” she gasped. “I-is that Moira and her mother?!”

I giggled. “Yeah. Sorry for not telling you sooner, but she wanted to surprise you.”

Nicole practically cackled. “Oh I’m so gonna get her for this. But later. Right now, let’s dance!”

~oOo~

About halfway through the night, after the band had just finished their second set - a mix of up-tempo modern music and a few slower songs, Moira stepped up to the microphone, tapping it and clearing her throat.

“A’right everyone, it’s time for th’ moment ye’ve all been waitin’ for, aye? You’ve all cast yer votes for Prom King and Queen, and I have in my hand here the final results.”

She paused, carefully opening the small envelope as we all waited excitedly to hear the results.

“This year’s prom queen is … Victoria Esquire!”

A loud cheer went up as Victoria ascended the stairs, dressed in an absolutely gorgeous red sequined gown. Moira paused, waiting for her mother to carefully place the tiara on Victoria’s head.

“And now, your Northside High School prom king... Alex Stone!”

“Jock and the cheerleader,” Nicole joked, completely innocently, as we clapped for the happy couple.

“Psst. I’m a cheerleader too,” I whispered in Nicole’s ear, trying not to giggle. She winked back at me.

“You’re also a jock. But I love you anyway,” she replied, reaching down to squeeze my hand.

Alex, who really should’ve gotten his tux a size or two larger, looked even bulkier in the ill-fitting jacket as he rushed up the stage. A collective “Aww” filled the room though as he graciously accepted his crown and immediately turned, bowing and kissing Victoria’s hand.

“And now we’re going to slow things down a little bit because it’s time for the spotlight dance for the King and Queen. Victoria, Alex, the floor is all yours.”

Alex descended first, turning back to take Victoria’s hand and guide her down the stairs.

“And I understand congratulations are in order. Victoria led her cheer squad to an unheard of twenty-ninth overall at Nationals for the first time ever,” Moira added. She seemed to wink in our direction, grinning as she backed away to take her place with the group again.

Victoria looked around, dumbfounded at the round of applause that followed, even as she sank into Alex’s strong embrace. He had a big, goofy grin on his face, for his part. Nicole and I sat down at our table again.

“I don’t know about you, but I don’t want this night to end,” Nicole sighed whimsically as Allison and Josh joined us at our table. Allison laughed, reaching under the table to pull off her heels.

“This has been fun, but my feet are killing me. You guys mind if we sit with you for a few minutes?”

“Not at all,” NIcole answered first, glancing at me. I shook my head.

“Josh is the best Kenpo partner a girl could ask for. I’m not going to turn you two down,” I teased. Josh laughed.

“Hey, you earned your belts. Keep it up and you’ll be putting me on my back more often than not.”

“Hey, girlfriend right here,” Allison shot back, but grinned wickedly as she leaned over to press her lips against his.

“So has anybody seen Jen?” Nicole asked, glancing around. Josh smiled as he nodded in the opposite direction.

“She’s been letting her hair down, so to speak. For someone so calm and collected, that girl knows how to dance.”

“Never trust a Polynesian who can’t dance,” Allison teased, giggling. “I’m glad she’s having fun though.”

“Me too,” Nicole added, reaching out to take my hand. “Want to dance?”

By now, my nerves had long left, and the band had started on another slow number, so I squeezed her hand and nodded, following her onto the dance floor.

~oOo~

I was sure my feet were swollen by the time we had dropped Jennifer off and headed for home. We had talked about an after-party party, just the four of us, but with the trip the previous weekend, we were completely wiped out.

Nicole had to help me to the front door. I had my heels dangling from one hand, my other arm around her as she opened the door and led me inside, at which point we both just collapsed on the sofa, giggling.

“Oh man, I think I’ll just stay right here for a few hours.”

“I’ll let you,” I teased and leaned closer for a quick kiss. Her smile brightened as she returned the gesture. We sat and talked for what felt like hours, and I didn’t remember actually falling asleep, but I must have. I woke with a bit of a start, leaning into Nicole. Someone had pulled a blanket over us. Nicole smiled as she kissed my forehead, whispering.

“Hi there.”

“Hi,” I groaned lightly. “What... time is it?”

“No idea. Your mom came through and gave us a blanket shortly after you passed out. I didn’t have the heart to move you and risk waking you, so I asked her to let my mom know where I was.”

“Aw, I’m sorry,” I managed meekly. I really felt bad, keeping her like that. She smiled and pressed a finger to my lips.

“Don’t be. This has been the second-greatest night of my life. The first was our first date.” Nicole pulled me closer, and I yawned, laying my head on her shoulder. She giggled. “G’night, cutie. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“N...ni...” I mumbled. Between the warmth of the blanket and the security of her embrace, I no longer cared that I was still in my prom gown. The rest of the world melted away, and all that mattered was us.

~* Summer Days, Driftin' Away *~ “Hey, this is huge news,” I answered. I couldn’t help giggling. I felt positively giddy and hugged her again. “You can call me anytime you want, if you need to talk, or if you just want to hang out.” “Thanks. I’ll have to take you up on that. You’re going to camp next week aren’t you?” “Well,” I started, glancing at Allison. She smiled and nodded reassuringly. “What?” Sarah frowned. “Don’t tell me something came up?”

---

Nicole and Allison kept giggling about a surprise they wanted to work on for me, so I spent Tuesday just lounging around the house, trying to take it easy. I got on my computer and browsed around to a few websites, chatted with Elaine for a few minutes, and then when Mom came home from her morning shift at the hospital, we drove to New Haven together to see my therapist, Barbara Ketzowski.

I actually hadn’t seen Barbara on a regular basis in awhile because of my hectic schedule, but I tried to make a twice-a-month visit. Since cheer nationals fell on my regular Saturday, she offered to meet with me the following Tuesday. I couldn’t wait to see her again. I had so much to talk about.

“Hi Robin,” Barbara called cheerfully as we entered the main lobby. She gave me that trademarked grandmotherly smile that I fell in love with in the first place, raising her McDonalds McCafé cup of half-eaten milkshake in greeting.

“Late lunch?” I asked, trying not to giggle. She laughed.

“Indeed. My granddaughter wanted me to join her for lunch now that school is out. How did you do in your cheer competition?”

I smiled brightly as Mom and I approached, following Barbara to the elevator. “Really well. We placed twenty-ninth overall, which is actually really good for a first year squad.”

“That’s wonderful! My granddaughter wants to try out when she’s old enough. She’s already taking gymnastics and tumbling, and she’s only ten.”

“Aw, that’s awesome. She’ll have no trouble making varsity, starting that early.”

Barbara smiled proudly, and as the elevator doors opened, stepped out, turning back to us. “I’ll be right with you, if you’d like to go ahead and wait in my office. I just need to put this on ice.”

“Sure thing,” I answered, turning back to Mom. “How are you feeling, anyway?” Mom laughed softly as she wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and I leaned lightly into her.

“Better. I can’t decide if it was just morning sickness, or if I should have skipped the bacon and just had eggs.”

“You’re eating for two now,” I teased, resting my hand on her stomach.

She smiled and kissed my forehead as we stepped into Barbara’s office. “I’m so relieved you’re taking everything so well. I was worried that having a new baby might bother you. You’ll always be my baby though - my precious little girl.”

I could feel my cheeks burn as I giggled. I never, even after a year of living as Robin, got tired of hearing those words. I smiled and kissed her cheek. “I love you Momma. And whatever happens with the new baby, I’m going to do whatever I can to help out. Boy or girl, it’s going to have a loving big sister there - four, if you count Nikki, Ally, and Jen.”

We had only just seated ourselves when Barbara entered the room. She smiled as she approached us, taking her usual seat next to the overstuffed sofa, familiar notepad in hand.

“Well, let’s get started shall we?” Barbara asked cheerfully.

“I guess I should start with the cheer competition. I was so nervous I thought I was going to be sick, but a girl from another squad gave me some great advice on how to beat my nerves. I’m still having trouble coping with not being able to change with my teammates though. They respect my wishes to change in private, but it’s so hard sometimes.”

“How so?” Barbara asked.

“Well like, at nationals, we wore our uniforms to the event so we didn’t have to actually change as part of getting ready for our routine. Sasha pulled me aside and asked me to help her with her stage makeup. She said it was really nice having me there, that it felt like the squad wasn’t whole without me.”

“And how did that make you feel?”

I shook my head slowly, searching for the right words. “Conflicted, I think. It hurts when they say things like that, and I know they don’t mean it like that. It just hurts because it reminds me that I’m not like them. But at the same time it makes me feel so incredible knowing that they do want me there, that they do accept me. I just wish,” I caught myself, and frowned.

“Wish what, Robin?”

“I wish I could have the surgery and get it over with, but I know I can’t. I mean, even if you sponsored me, with like, ten other therapists agreeing with you, I still have to wait because there’s just so much I want to do that downtime for recovery isn’t worth it.”

“Are you having second thoughts about GRS?”

“No, not at all,” I answered immediately. I didn’t even have to think about it. “But, like I have girl scout camp coming up. I’m doing both sessions because, for me, that was the most relaxing, amazing experience of m life. Then there’s going to be some cheer camps I’ll be attending. We’ll also be doing team-building as a squad, and this year we’re bringing in hopefuls who want to join.”

“Hopefuls?” Barbara asked. She had a remarkable way of saying so much in only a couple of words.

“Yeah, like anyone who wants to join is invited to participate in team building exercises, to show them what we do to encourage each other. It was Sasha’s idea. So it’s not that I don’t want to have the surgery. It’s just...” I paused, biting my lip. “I don’t think I’m ready to make the decision yet.”

Barbara smiled proudly. “That’s a very, very mature conclusion to draw, and it’s one that I agree with. If you were truly ready for this step, you would find a way to make it work. I know you too well. And when you ARE ready, I have several colleagues who would be more than pleased to evaluate your readiness for themselves.”

“It just feels like such a life-changing event. It’s something I want to do, not because I feel ‘left out’ or that I feel it would make everything right. I know it wouldn’t. It’s just it would be one less frustration in my life. But it’s not something I’m ready for yet. Maybe next summer, when I’m seventeen, I’ll think about it again and find a way to make it work.” I inhaled deeply then exhaled slowly, and smiled.

“Wow. I feel so much better.”

“That’s what I’m here for, sweetheart. Is there anything else you’d like to talk about?”

“Actually there is. My friend Sarah - the girl from the news reports down in Arkansas, is coming to stay here in New Haven. We’re trying to make her feel as welcome as possible in case she moves here. My friends and I talked about what we could do for her, like introducing her to some of the girls her age from our scout troop, asking her to hang out with us because we really do want to spend time with her, that sort of thing.”

“The most important thing you can do for her right now is to be there for her, and make sure she knows that you’re there for her. You know firsthand how hard it can be, and you have the benefit of stealth. Talk to her about what frustrates you, what you find difficult, and how you get around those obstacles, but also talk to her about what you enjoy doing, and let her know that it’s not all bad.”

“Oh, I have to talk to her about swimsuits. I never thought I’d have to wear one, and I had to use medical adhesive to …”

Barbara flinched. “Oh heavens, Robin. You poor thing.”

“Yeah. That was a painful five minutes in my cabin bathroom, peeling off tape after it was all over.”

She was fighting it hard, but I could tell she wanted to laugh. I did too. “Yeah, that’s going to be a big one to talk to her about. I had to go to Kelly about it. It’s kind of embarrassing, but we have to do what we have to do to let society see us for who we are, right?”

“That’s exactly right sweetheart,” she replied, smiling warmly.

“Thanks so much Doctor Ketz. There’s one other thing I wanted to ask. When I moved here, my now best friend Allison had decided before I even came that she wanted to stay home and spend time with me rather than going to Girl Scout camp. I’m thinking about doing the same for Sarah. Do you think it’d be a bad idea?”

She paused in thought for just a moment before responding. “I certainly think she would appreciate the gesture, but you’ve also been looking forward to camp all year. Ordinarily I’d agree that it is a good idea, but as you’ve said yourself, camp is your downtime, your chance to relax and have fun. I can see the good in both sides, and there’s no easy answer. My suggestion would be to talk to Sarah about it.” She smiled warmly.

“Yeah, that’s exactly my problem,” I answered sheepishly. “Well, I’ll bring it up when I take her aside to talk to her. Thanks again Dr. Ketz. I’d be so lost without you.” I stood to hug her and then made my way back out with Mom following along close behind me.

“So, now where to?” she asked. I shrugged and smiled back at her. For once I had nowhere else to be.

“Wherever you want to go, Mom.”

“Well, the girls at work were telling me about a new Candle Emporium that just opened.

~oOo~

I spent a great deal of Tuesday afternoon, well into the evening, hanging out at my step-dad’s dojo. I had been able to keep up with my Kenpo practice over the last couple of months, but improvement was a constant struggle with everything else going on, so it felt kind of relaxing to be able to let loose and focus on my training for a change.

By Thursday, I had seen very little of Nicole or Allison, and only slightly more of Jennifer. I was beginning to go stir crazy, and if I spent another minute at home doing nothing, cabin fever would have driven me completely off the deep end, so I jumped in my yellow convertible, driving over to Allison’s.

Much to my surprise, Nicole’s Mustang sat in the Jones’ driveway, so I pulled up into Margie’s and stepped out. The sale pending sign next door had been replaced, and a large furniture delivery truck sat idling in front. Two burly men were in the process of moving a very nice white sofa through the front door, so I left them be, turning to head over to Allison’s.

“Hello?” I called, poking my head in the door. No one answered. I slowly walked through the living room, stopping at the basement door. “Nikki? Ally?”

“Boo,” Nicole stated simply just as I turned around. I squealed.

“Jeeze! Don’t do that!” I laughed, throwing my arms around her.

“God I missed you these last couple of days. Where have you been hiding?”

She giggled as she kissed me. “I missed you too. It wasn’t supposed to take this long, but Ally and me wanted to make sure everything was set up just right.”

“Set what up?”

“Come see!” she giggled, pulling me along past the kitchen to the garage. The most immediate and obvious change was that they had brought my keyboard over from Margie’s. Instead of the office computer chair I had been using though, a new, and rather expensive-looking adjustable padded bench now sat. Running from the keyboard was a long cord that led to a large amplifier sitting beside the one Allison and Nicole plugged their guitars into.

“Getting a good keyboard amp was the easy part,” Allison giggled as she stepped closer to hug me. “But you wouldn’t believe how hard we searched for a nice piano bench that would look good with your keyboard.”

“Oh my God,” I whispered. “You guys... I can’t believe you went to all this trouble for me. I don’t know what to say.”

“So sing it!” Jennifer cheered from behind me as she threw her arms around me. I turned back to hug her.

“Jen! Hey!”

“You didn’t think you could start this party without me did you? Best part is the new neighbors haven’t moved in yet, so we can belt it as much as we want, hey?”

“Yeah, I still don’t know who that is yet,” Allison added. “Kelly knows, but she’s not talking. So I’m probably going to bake some cookies or something for a little welcome basket so I can sneak a peek this weekend.”

“Oh, great idea!” Nicole giggled. “Moira asked me to go bass shopping with her this weekend. She wants to try out the new Ibanez 5-string and compare it to her current stage guitar. She might be getting a custom Fender though.”

Jennifer glanced at me. “Did you get any of that?”

I shook my head and giggled. “Not. One. Word.”

“Oh, shut up,” Nicole laughed. “Basically we’re going to go geek out and probably spend way too much money on a piece of wood with big metal strings slapped on.”

“Ohhhh,” we answered in unison, and started giggling again.

“Anyway,” Nicole started, motioning to my keyboard, “Go ahead and try it out. Jen,” she added, handing Jennifer a microphone, “Mic’s all yours.”

“You’re too kind,” she teased.

~oOo~

“Robin!” Allison squealed as soon as I answered my phone. “Oh my God, get over here right away!”

“What? Ally what’s wrong?!” I could feel my heart racing as I frantically pulled on my bedroom for my favorite pair of shoes - my velcro t-strap casuals.

“Nothing,” she giggled excitedly. “It’s what’s right! Our new neighbor! Oh my God. You’re never going to believe who it is!”

“Oh thank God. I thought something happened.” I paused as realization dawned on me. After a rather amazing date with Nicole Friday night, everything else was just a bit of a blur. “Hang on, you went to meet the new neighbors didn’t you? So tell me!”

“Sarah!” she squealed. “As in, Stevens!”

“OH MY GOD!” I almost shouted. “You’re joking!”

My mother suddenly burst through the door, having apparently heard me shouting. “What’s wrong?!”

“Oh, hang on Ally,” I stood and rushed over to hug Mom, giggling. “Sarah’s moving in next to Margie!”

Mom just sort of grinned as she nodded.

“You knew?”

She actually giggled. My mother giggled. “I’m sorry I kept it from you dear, but I wanted to surprise you. Margie, Kelly and I have been in conference calls with her benefactors about that old house since before the trip to Washington. How they found out about it I can’t say. That Ashleigh is a resourceful woman.”

“That’s amazing. Oh!” I picked up the phone again. “Sorry Ally. Mom wanted to know what was wrong. Apparently she knew all along. Anyway I’ll be right over!”

“Have fun, dear,” Mom added as she stepped out of the room, pausing in the hall. “I think I’m going to take a nice, hot bath so I can soak my ankles.”

“Okay Mom. I’ll tell Sarah you said hello,” I answered, grabbing my purse and dashing out.

~oOo~

I wasn’t sure if Sarah recognized my car as it rolled up into Margie’s driveway, but as soon as Allison and I approached, before we even reached the front door, really, she flung the door open, racing out and down the walkway to meet us.

“SPIRIT!” she cheered happily as Allison and I both hugged her.

“Hey you! Welcome to Alpine Springs!”

“Thanks,” Sarah answered warmly. “God it’s so good to see you guys. Hey Ally, I’m sorry I was so quiet earlier. I was still kinda in shock at the new house and everything.”

Allison giggled as she shrugged. “Hey, it’s okay. The first thing I did when I got back inside was call Robin to get her butt over here.”

“Really?” she gasped. “Thanks Ally. I thought about it, but I just wasn’t sure, you know?”

“Hey, this is huge news,” I answered. I couldn’t help giggling. I felt positively giddy and hugged her again. “You can call me anytime you want, if you need to talk, or if you just want to hang out.”

“Thanks. I’ll have to take you up on that. You’re going to camp next week aren’t you?”

“Well,” I started, glancing at Allison. She smiled and nodded reassuringly.

“What?” Sarah frowned. “Don’t tell me something came up?”

“Sarah, last year, when I first moved here, a very dear friend helped me become who I am now. She got me out of my shell and made me feel like a real girl for the first time in my life. But the thing is, I found out later that she skipped her first session of camp to do that for me. And, well, I was thinking that I’d like to pay it forward.”

Sarah shook her head slowly. “Robin, you should go. You’ve been looking forward to this all year. In your letters you talked about how amazing and relaxing the whole experience was for you. I’d never forgive myself if I was the reason you stayed.”

“It’s not like that though. I want to be here for you.”

Allison smiled thoughtfully. “You know, I think I have an idea.” We both turned expectantly, waiting for her to continue. “Robin you know how much Director Meredith admires you for what you did for Crystal last year, don’t you?”

“Who’s Crystal?” Sarah asked, confused.

“Crystal was a girl who went to our girl scout camp. She was a second year CIT - that’s Counselor in Training. The story most of us have heard is that before camp, she slept with her boyfriend and got pregnant, but she didn’t find out until she was already away.” Allison explained to Sarah about Crystal, Natalie, and the big camp luau, and when she finished, she smiled and squeezed my hand.

“So I was thinking,” she continued, “what if you talk to Meredith about Sarah? I mean, Sarah you don’t have to go with us if you don’t want, but I’m sure she’d be willing to give you special permission to at least call.”

“Really?” Sarah asked. “You’d do that for me? Wow, I don’t know what to say.”

I had to giggle a little as I pulled her into a hug. “You’re like a sister to me, but it’s more than that. Sarah there’s a lot of stuff that I had to figure out the hard way. There are some things, not just about being a girl, but about being a transgendered girl, that Ally and the others just can’t help us with.”

“We’re here to listen,” Allison advised, “But some problems are just beyond us.”

“Kelly helped me out so much,” I added with a smile, “And I know she’ll help you too, but I’d also like to help in any way I can. We can talk about it later though. Right now I’d love to see your new house!”

“Oh, sure!” Sarah bubbled. “I’ll give you the grand tour. My aunts went so overboard furnishing the place.”

~oOo~

Over the next few days we spent a lot of time together, hanging out, shooting pool in the Jones’ game room, and helping Sarah get settled in her new house. The following Wednesday, I had just been over at Sarah’s, talking with her about the all-important bathing suit problems. She tried to convince me she’d never wear a bathing suit, until I told her about my experience at camp. That changed her mind quickly.

I had just left her house, walking back to my car when my cell phone rang.

“Hey Nikki. What’s up?” I asked.

“Robin, I have to show you guys something. Can you grab Ally and Jen and come over?”

“Sure, no problem,” I answered. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, but you should hurry or you’ll miss it!”

“Okay, I’ll see you in about fifteen minutes?”

“Great. Love you.”

“Love you too,” I answered warmly, heading over to Allison’s.

~oOo~

“Oh my God, they’re adorable,” Jennifer cooed, peeking over my shoulder into the tall box, where three little creatures, not entirely unlike miniature rabbits at about four or five inches, lay sleeping amid a pile of natural hay. Nicole nodded sadly.

“I searched everywhere for signs of their mother. From what I can tell a hawk mighta gotten her. I’m just waiting for the animal rescue people to come, but I assured them I know what I’m doing. It was a miracle I found them when I did. Another week and they’d be too old to be around humans.”

Allison eyed Nicole with an amused smile. “Nikki, when did you become an expert on rabbits?”

Nicole laughed as she rolled her shoulders. “Hey, I grew up in the south, remember? My grandpa kept a small rabbit hutch to raise domesticated ones, but once in awhile we’d find an abandoned nest in the wild, or his neighbors would bring an injured baby. It didn’t happen often, but often enough that I learned how to raise and release ‘em.”

“How did you manage to even pick them up?” I finally asked. They certainly seemed comfortable enough to continue sleeping and completely ignore the spectacle we were making over them.

“Well based on their size and fur, I’d guess they’re about three weeks old. They’re old enough to be off mother’s milk, thankfully, but their natural instincts haven’t fully kicked in yet. Grandpa had a name for it, but I dunno what it was anymore. They’ll be ready to go back into the wild in another week or two so I’m going to let animal rescue care for them.”

Nicole squeezed my hand as we stood, adding, “Besides, we’ve got too much going on right now. These guys need someone who can be there in case they get sick or something.”

Jennifer wrapped an arm around Nicole’s neck. “You’ve really changed the last couple of years. There was a time when you were as timid as our little friends there,” she teased.

Nicole laughed. “Yeah, yeah. C’mon, I’ll show you where I found their nest. Sometimes I forget Alpine Springs isn’t exactly the big city.”

~oOo~

I woke up early Saturday morning. Thankfully I had already showered the night before, and our CIT t-shirts came early this year, no doubt due to the foul-up last year causing them to be so late. Mom sat at the kitchen table in her bath robe, sipping her morning coffee when I came bounding down the stairs, makeup done and hair pulled up in a dark green ribbon.

“Morning sweetheart,” Mom offered warmly as she stood to hug me.

“Morning Momma. How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine, sweetheart. Do you have everything you need? Prescription’s filled through the month?”

“Yeah, I got it filled yesterday, and my suitcase is full of just about everything I could think of. Margie altered that cute Hawaiian dress I wore last year just in case I needed it, but we agreed to wait until session two to do the luau. It just wouldn’t be the same without Nikki.”

I dropped a couple of cherry toaster pastries into the toaster, turning back to face her as I leaned against the cabinet. “It’s going to be so weird being away for an entire month, but I’ve been looking forward to this all year.”

Mom nodded, smiling up at me. “But at least you’ll have the weekend break between sessions. Have you thought about where you want to spend it?”

“Actually I have. I was thinking we could do a sleepover at Ally’s and invite Sarah over, plus anyone else she wants to invite, and maybe talk her into coming back to camp with us. Not as a CIT of course, but I think she’d enjoy it. It sure helped me.”

“That’s a wonderful idea. Have you spoken with Director Meredith about it?”

“Not yet, but assuming we get our old cabin again we should have an extra couple of beds.”

Just as my pastries popped up, someone knocked at the side kitchen door. I glanced over to see Allison grin and wave, and motioned for her to come inside.

“Hey, all set?”

“Almost,” I answered, holding up my breakfast. She laughed. “You can eat in the car. I promised Meredith we’d be there early to set a good example. Here, I’ll get your bags. You enjoy your breakfast. Hi Linda, see you in two weeks!” she giggled, waving to my mother as she hurried across the room to pick up my suitcases.

“Bye Mom,” I mumbled around my breakfast as I hugged her.

“Have fun, dear!”

~oOo~

When Allison said ‘early’, she really meant early. Like last year, we were to meet at Alpine Springs’ Northside High School as the most central location for our immediate area, which made it totally convenient for us to score brownie points, and of course Carol was driving us so we wouldn’t be leaving anyone’s car for two weeks.

The buses, parked in a neat little row in the school bus lane beside the school, had their side luggage compartments open and empty, at least from what we could see as we approached, though there was no sign of a driver or another counselor yet.

“I think we’re a little too early,” Jennifer giggled as Nicole pulled up in her Mustang.

“Hey!” she called, “What the heck are you three doing up this early?”

“Nikki!” I practically squealed, racing over to meet her just as she stepped out of her car. She grinned and caught me in a hug, kissing me gently.

“You didn’t think I’d let you leave without saying goodbye did you?”

“Of course not, but we already said goodbye last night. Aren’t you supposed to be leaving for your rock camp?”

“My train leaves this afternoon, so I figured I’d come and help you herd the cats.” She reached back through her open window though, pulling out a piece of green cloth that she unfurled to reveal her new CIT t-shirt. She grinned and pulled it down over her black tank top. “Can’t forget this.”

Jennifer and Allison giggled, the latter adding, “It’s going to be weird without you there. But at least Rachel will be there for session two. And we promise not to luau without you.”

“You’d better not,” Nicole giggled. “You know I was thinking though, we need to think of something fun for the session one girls to do, like we’re doing with session two, for the ones that can’t do both.”

“I totally agree,” Jennifer answered, nodding. “I’ve been thinking the same thing.”

“Yeah, me too,” Allison and I almost answered in perfect sync, which caused another round of giggling.

“Anybody have any ideas?” she asked.

“Hey, what about a Native American thing?” Jennifer asked. “I mean we’ve done Polynesian already. Maybe there’re some girls at camp who’re part of the Mohegan nation.”

“Jen, once again, you are a genius,” I giggled.

“I know it,” she answered, grinning. “There’s a little mini-museum room in the main lodge you know, dedicated to Mohegan culture, and I think the camp’s name means “People of the River”, but I could be mistaken.”

“Let’s talk to Meredith about it,” I finally concluded.

“Speaking of which, where is the Dragon?” Nicole teased. Jennifer giggled.

“We’re not sure. I think we got here too early. Let’s go check and see if the school’s unlocked. Maybe she had to use the bathroom or something.”

~oOo~

“It sounds pretty ambitious, girls,” Meredith remarked after hearing our thoughts, but she smiled. “But I believe I said the same about a certain group of girls planning a luau last year as well. I’ll need to approve any plans before you go forward like before though. Why not ask Counselor Dunham when we get to the camp?”

“Counselor Dunham?” Jennifer asked. Meredith smiled as she nodded.

“Yes, I believe her grandmother or great grandmother was Mohegan.”

“Awesome!” Allison cheered. “So with that out of the way, where do we start?”

“As soon as girls start arriving, I’d like you to start grouping them together alphabetically to start with, same as last year. A through F, G through N, and so on. Make sure they know that this isn’t their permanent seating arrangement. According to sign-up sheets we should have more than enough space on the three buses for everyone.”

“Sounds good,” Jennifer answered. “Robin, you take A through F with me. Ally, you want G through N?”

“Sure. That leaves Nikki with the rest, but let’s try and help each other out as much as we can. Are we expecting anymore CITs?”

“Tracy should be here soon,” Meredith answered, nodding. “And we have a few more from other district camps that you’ll be meeting once we get there.”

“Yay, more CITs. God it was a nightmare doing this alone last year,” Jennifer laughed.

Initially we stood around, but as the trickle of new arrivals turned into a flood, the four of us raced about in what could only be described as organized chaos, trying to get everyone together into the right groups for head-counts.

“SPIRIT!” I inevitably heard a familiar little lady calling. I turned around just in time to have my waist assaulted by Amanda. She giggled as I knelt to hug her.

“Hey you! I’m glad you decided to go back this year.”

She nodded excitedly, her little ringlet-laden ponytail bouncing vigorously in its ribbon. “Last year was so much fun thanks to you,” she bubbled, kissing my cheek. I blushed and hugged her again.

“Aw, I’m so glad. Listen, I need you to go over there with Ally for a minute so we can make sure you get counted, okay?”

“Okay,” she replied happily, skipping over to Allison’s side and hug-attacking her next. I had to laugh as I turned back to my head-counting.

Eventually, with Tracy and Meredith’s help, we loaded everyone onto the buses, leaving just me, Allison, and Jennifer standing outside our bus with Nicole. She smiled as the four of us hugged.

“Good luck guys. You’re gonna need it without me there,” she teased and winked playfully.

Jennifer laughed. “E ho'a'o no i pau kuhihewa, hey?”

Nicole stared blankly back at her. I giggled. “Hakuna matata.”

“Hey, she remembered!’ Jennifer practically cackled. “Anyway, we’ll give you two a moment alone.”

“Bye Nikki,” Allison added, waving as she followed Jennifer onto the bus. Nicole’s cheeks turned just slightly red as she turned back to me.

“Is it okay to kiss if I’m not officially going this time?”

“Oh that’s right. No PDAs,” I had to giggle. “Okay, how about this. When I get back, the first thing I’m going to do is pin you to a wall and kiss you like you’ve never been kissed before.”

Nicole started giggling now, pulling me into a hug as she kissed my cheek. “I’m going to hold you to that. Have a safe trip. I’ll be waiting for you when you get back. I love you.”

“I love you too. Give Moira a hug for me, okay? And have fun in New York.”

I couldn’t help feeling a little sad as I stepped onto the bus. I turned back to wave one last time, and Nicole smiled brightly, waving back at me.

“All set?” the driver asked, glancing at me. I wiped away a tear as I nodded.

“Yes sir. I’m the last one,” I answered, turning to walk down the aisle to the back of the bus. Jennifer smiled and hugged me as I sat.

“It’s going to be okay,” she whispered. I smiled back at her as I nodded.

“Yeah, I know. It’s just weird. We’ve never been apart the entire time we’ve been dating. I’ll be okay though.”

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Not like you two need any help,” Allison added with a broad smile. “But Jen’s right. We’ll be here to help you through if you need us.”

“I love you guys,” I offered as I settled back into my seat to relax. In the back of my mind, I admit I was hoping that camp would be everything I remembered. It wasn’t all great, but the camp experience made me the girl I was, and that had to count for something.

~* Home Away from Home *~ “Well I was going to go get some lunch, but how can I refuse that? Okay, Counselor Dunham?” “Yes Spirit?” Counselor Dunham answered, grinning back at me. “Do you have a spare horse?” “I saved one just for you dear,” she answered. “You remember Lulubelle, right?” “Oh jeeze.”

---

As the bus slowly rolled closer to camp, I stared out the window, watching the countryside slowly pass us by. Nicole’s smiling face stayed at the forefront of my thoughts, but somewhere deeper, I was thinking of Sarah. I still felt guilty leaving her behind, even if she had insisted. I sighed, turning my attention back to my friends.

“So are you guys using the same camp names as last year? I don’t think I could change mine if I wanted to though,” I laughed quietly.

Allison giggled. “I’m changing my camp nickname. But I’m not sure what to change it to.”

Jennifer smiled. “No more Alley Cat? I’m a bit torn on mine too. It just seems so childish now. What do you think about Ocean?”

“Too cliché,” Allison teased. “You look like a Copper to me.”

“Ew, no. Besides, if we get Sarah to join next year and become a CIT that’ll be perfect for her. I like the metallic slash gemstone theme though. What about Jade?”

The casual banter continued for awhile before Allison grinned at me. “Hey, what about ‘Mystic’ for Jen?”

“Ohhh I love it. I swear I sometimes think you can see the future Jen,” I giggled. She just shook her head and laughed.

“Hey, just because I hold spiritual beliefs deeply rooted in my ancient ancestry doesn’t mean I don’t know how to have a good time too,” she teased. “Mystic. I like it. Okay, that just leaves Alli’s. Hey, you know what I just realized? I didn’t see Mouse anywhere.”

“Oh, she promised she’d sign up this year. Maybe she just caught a ride with her sister?” I offered. Allison nodded.

“S’possible, yeah. I bumped into Elaine by the way. She’s looking a lot better lately. Hmm, oh, I know! Barbie!” she giggled. “I mean everyone’s always telling me I look like a properly-proportioned Barbie doll.”

Jennifer groaned, laughing. “Good lord, girl, I thought you were going for something more bold and original. Okay, I’ve got one. Serenity!”

Allison blinked a couple of times. “Serenity. I like it! We’ll figure out Nikki’s before we drag her butt back here for second session.”

“Speaking of which,” Jennifer added as the bus came to a stop. It almost seemed as though everyone was waiting for us. They stared expectantly, and Jennifer giggled, laying her hand on my shoulder. “Your reputation precedes you. Let’s boogie.”

“Boogie?” I asked, staring back at Jennifer. She shrugged and giggled as she stood, pulling me to my feet and practically pushing me along down the aisle in front of her.

It felt strange returning to camp, like going back to Alpine Springs after leaving San Francisco for the last time. I had come home, in a way. Camp Kutomanu was where I found myself, and where I learned to be a better leader. Now as a second-year CIT I’d be accepting more responsibilities though, including training first-year girls who signed up following in our footsteps, so to speak.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, the voice from the news footage of the first moon landing played in the back of my mind. One small step for Robin, one giant leap for Girl Scout kind, maybe? I laughed at myself.

“What?” Allison asked, as we gathered around Meredith. The other CITs seemed to follow our lead, a dozen in total not counting ourselves.

“It’s just nice to be back here,” I answered.

Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned about to find Natalie grinning at me. “Spirit!” she giggled, pulling me into a hug.

“Natalie! Hey!” I had to temper my excitement so as to not squeal in Meredith’s ear as I hugged Natalie back.

“Oh, it’s Kita,” she giggled. “I decided to follow Crystal’s example and sign up for the advanced stuff. It’d be too weird just coming back as a regular after what you did last year.”

“Kita. That’s cute.”

Before we could continue, Director Meredith brought her silver whistle to her lips, giving it a forceful enough blow to silence everyone around us.

“All right, this year we’re going to do things a little differently. We have more CITs, and we have more counselors. Second year plus CITs, you’ll be shadowing counselors today. First year CITs stand to the left, second year plus, on the right.”

The three of us stepped off to the right, and another girl I didn’t recognize stepped forward. She stood easily five feet six inches, with incredibly long jet black hair. Her deep violet eyes seemed to sparkle in the morning light.

“Excuse me ma’am,” the girl spoke softly, but with our proximity to Meredith I could just barely hear the conversation. “Technically I’m a second-year girl, but I didn’t attend last year. I’m not sure...”

“Oh,” Meredith answered, guessing the girl’s intent and smiling as she motioned to us. “Right over here, dear. I read the memo, and everything is in order.”

“Great,” she answered warmly as she approached us. Jennifer gave her a friendly smile.

“Welcome aboard the crazy train,” she teased. The girl laughed softly.

“I’m not sure I’ll be staying the whole two weeks actually, but while I’m here I’ll do what I can to help out. I’m Lily.”

“Is that your real name or your camp name?” Allison asked politely. The girl smiled.

“Just Lily,” she answered, and winked. That seemed enough of an answer for Allison, and by now Meredith had spoken with the first-year CITs, giving them their first assignment, to round up the girls and show them to their cabins. She turned back to approach us.

“Now then. Ladies, everything is in order. Just like last year you three will have Cabin thirteen. Lily, dear, I hope you don’t mind that I’ve put you in cabin twelve, right across the way with several other CITs?”

Lily tilted her head slightly, but nodded. “That’s fine. I was just telling the others that I would probably not be able to stay the whole time anyway.”

“Oh that’s right. Your sick grandmother.”

Lily nodded. “Yes. They don’t know how much time she has left. But I promise I’ll work hard while I’m here, ma’am.”

“Well, you know where your cabins are. I need to go round up some counselors,” Meredith chuckled. She paused to smile at me. “Robin, walk with me?”

I caught a glimpse of Jennifer and Lily exchanging a glance as I stepped away, but thought nothing of it, following Meredith after I picked up my small duffel bag, leaving my suitcase for one of the others to carry for me. Meredith rested a hand on my shoulder.

“I understand you wanted to talk to me about an important matter? What’s on your mind, dear?”

I bit my lip as I looked up at her. I wanted to tell her about Sarah. I wanted to tell her everything, but somehow just felt wrong even despite the fact Meredith probably already knew who Sarah was. “I have a friend... She’s very important to me, and she’s had a very, very hard life. She’s in a fragile place right now, but if I had stayed behind to stay with her, it would’ve made things worse. I know this sort of thing’s against the rules, but is it okay for her to contact me here?”

“We allow contact for emergencies. Just how fragile are we talking about?”

“Suicidal,” I flinched, wishing I had chosen a better word. “She’s... she’s getting better, but she needs to be able to reach me. I’m the only one she completely trusts right now, so I promised her I’d make arrangements for her to call me here if she needed to talk. It was that or stay home and risk whatever fallout might come of that.”

“I see,” Meredith answered. “Well that is certainly a difficult position to be in. Robin, you’re a strong, caring, kind-hearted girl. Your fellow scouts love you, and so do my sister-in-law and my niece. When you vouch for someone, I know you have a good reason. I’ll make sure the staff knows. What’s your friend’s name?”

“Sarah Stevens,” I answered. Meredith nodded. “Ah,” she answered simply. “I’ll take care of everything.”

“Thanks Director Meredith; I owe you a big one.” I looked up to see we were standing outside the camp’s clinic. She practically grinned.

“Nurse Bree is just inside.”

~oOo~

I didn’t remember our cabins being in a semi-circle, but a lot had happened since last year, too. Cabins 12, 13, 14, and 15 all sat in a neat little pattern that had apparently been designated the CIT division after last year. Outside the cabins stood nineteen girls plus one familiar blonde. Alice grinned as she waved me over.

“There’s Spirit! We were just talking about you.”

“Uh oh?” I asked, causing her to laugh.

“Nah, nothing bad. So this is everyone? I have to say I’m impressed. I knew we’d have a large turnout this year. Before we get started, Natalie - AKA Kita, has something she wants to say?”

Natalie stepped up beside Alice, but then she plodded over and grabbed my arm, dragging me back with her.

“Guys, those of you who were here last year know who this is, and you also know who I am. Some of you even knew Crystal, God bless her. She was my best friend, and when it felt like nobody else gave a damn that she was gone, this girl, this amazing, sweet, caring girl,” Natalie paused to wipe her tears, clearing her throat.

“She stepped up and she did the impossible. She made sure nobody’d ever forget. And she did it with people like me laughing in her face. She is what it means to be a Girl Scout. She’s Spirit. Listen to her, follow her advice, but most importantly follow her example. I love you Spirit, and I’m a better person because of your influence.”

I didn’t know what to say. I just stood there, stunned silent as applause and cheers roared around me. I shook my head.

“Really, guys, I’m just like anybody else. My mother taught me to treat others the way I want to be treated. That’s just how I am, and I didn’t do all that alone. I had help from my fellow CITs. God knows my time at camp was rough with my mother in the hospital and everything, but some of my happiest memories are here, and I’m excited to make some new ones with all of you.”

“Well,” Alice began, glancing at her watch, “You have thirty minutes until orientation. Meet back here by then if you decide to explore a bit. Let me know if you need a map, or just pester one of the second-year-plus girls here for directions,” she teased.

“I’m going to walk down to the lake for a minute,” I said simply and smiled, giving Alice a quick hug. “We need to catch up later though. Hey, did Kathy make it?”

“Not yet,” Alice answered warmly. “She’s going to be here next term though. She wanted to attend a photography camp first to brush up on her skills.”

“Awesome,” I answered cheerfully. “I’m glad you guys could patch things up. I’d be so lost without my older sister,” I added with a smile, turning to step away from the group. I couldn’t help feeling someone following me, but when I glanced over my shoulder I couldn’t see anyone either. I shrugged it off and continued walking.

That Lily girl reminded me of Nicole, and I knew if I was going to get through the day I had to put my feelings aside, let go of her for a couple of weeks, and try to have fun. It was what Nicole wanted after all, and the best way to do that was at our ‘special place’.

The lake hadn’t changed much since last year. The lack of rain lately had diminished its size by about a foot overall, but it was still completely safe to dive off the pier - not that I intended to. I pulled off my shoes and walked barefoot down the pier, seating myself. The bottoms of my feet just barely skimmed the surface as I stared out across the lake, and I suddenly caught a strong whiff of lilacs. A moment later I heard someone approach, and looked back to see Lily smiling down at me.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“I hope you brought several,” I teased. “Is that you I smell?”

She giggled as she eased herself down next to me, lazily dangling her feet over the edge. “Oh yes. That Natalie girl was setting up some sort of automatic air freshener, but it went off in her hand and doused a couple of us.”

“Oops,” I giggled, shaking my head. “It was Crystal’s. She adored lilacs. And as for my thoughts, I’m just thinking of someone.”

“Anyone I know?” she asked. Again her deep violet eyes seemed to sparkle as she smiled warmly at me. I shrugged a little.

“I dunno, maybe. You remind me of her. Her name’s Nikki. This was kind of our special place. We’d come here to talk about our feelings and things like that. This lake has a calming effect, like the little stream that runs behind my house back home. I’m being silly though, pining away when I should be having fun. That’s why I came down here though.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll leave you alone,” the girl smiled as she started to stand, but I reached out to catch her arm, smiling back at her.

“No, it’s okay. I didn’t come here to be alone. I just came here to clear my head.”

“So what’s she like, your Nikki? Is she pretty?” Lily asked innocently.

“She’s gorgeous. I was never into the whole Goth thing before I met her, but she makes black look good. She’s sweet, caring, but strong when she has to be, independent. I love her. This is the first time we’ve been apart since we started dating though.”

“Ohhh, so that’s what’s bothering you. Well, honestly I don’t think you’re being silly at all. It’s been,” Lily paused, as if in thought, “Well, several years since I lost one of my closest friends, but not a day passes I don’t think of her. But you and Nikki will be reunited soon, right?”

I smiled thoughtfully back at her. “You know, you’re right. She’ll be home from her rock camp in a few days, and I can see her this weekend if we do something like we did last year.”

“Oh yes, the big luau,” Lily chuckled. “It’s too bad I’ll probably miss that this year. I heard it was great. Well, anyway, I’ll see you around. It was nice meeting you, Spirit.”

“Likewise,” I replied as I stood. I didn’t know why but I felt compelled to hug her. She smiled at the gesture as I continued, “Thanks for listening. This is going to be a great session this year.”

~oOo~

Like last year, orientation at the central pavilion progressed in a certain order. First Meredith welcomed everyone, then went down a list of ground rules, and finally ended with introducing the Counselors and Counselors-in-Training. At least this year I could say I was from Alpine Springs, though somehow word got around that I was from California prior to that.

I had one or two younger girls come up to ask me questions about life back there, some of which were kind of amusing. One even wanted to know if we had cows in California. Apparently she’d never seen the commercial about happy cows making happy cheese, or something like that.

It felt good to tread the well-worn paths again. After orientation I spent a little bit of time just walking around with nowhere important to go. It wasn’t that I was shirking my responsibilities already so much as that there just were none to shirk yet. First day was always orientation, meeting counselors, attending seminars on art classes. I did sit in on the leatherworking and basic survival classes though.

“Well hi there Robin,” Counselor Cynthia Dunham called warmly as I approached the camp’s stables. I greeted her with a warm hug and a bright smile.

“Hi Cyn--I mean Counselor Dunham.”

“It’s okay; you can call me Cynthia, dear.” she answered. “I was just about to saddle up some horses for the first riding lesson. You want to give me a hand? The girls should be here soon.”

“Oh, I’d love to,” I answered, following her into the stables. As she handed me a brush, she pointed to the first horse.

“Just brush her down for now, and I’ll start saddling them up once we’re done. So how are you? I noticed Nikki’s not with you this year?”

“Yeah, she’s gone to some huge rock music camp in New York. She’ll be here next term though. Things with me have been okay too. One of my friends is in a pretty delicate place, but I arranged with Meredith so that she can call me if she needs to talk.”

“Wow. It must be serious. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help, okay?”

I smiled, nodding. “Yes ma’am. I think what she really needs is some quiet time. It’s a shame I couldn’t talk her into coming up here. I know she’d love it here. The canoeing, the horseback riding, the goofy campfire songs. Oh, that reminds me, Ally got a new guitar just for camp.”

“That’s great! We’ll have our first bonfire tonight. Counselor Lawson brought her guitar this year, but you know what they say - the more, the merrier.” She grinned.

“Yeah. I’ve been learning to play piano, but those aren’t exactly portable like a guitar,” I answered with a giggle as I finished brushing the first of the horses. Without really thinking about it, or waiting for her to ask, I moved to the next horse after hers after knocking the brush against a support pole to clean it.

Eventually a small group of girls began to gather outside, including Elaine and Tracy. I followed Counselor Dunham as she led a gentle black horse out of the stables by its hand-tooled leather reins. “This, ladies, is a horse,” she began, eliciting a giggle from the girls.

“Some of you know how to ride already, and some of you are new at this, so for the benefit of the latter, I’m going to go over some safety basics.” She paused to grin at me. “And I should mention that as of this year we’ve added a new rule. Spirit’s Rule. If you get thrown off, don’t be afraid to get back up again.”

Elaine and Tracy giggled as I approached. “Hi Robin,” Tracy smiled, pulling me into a hug. I thought I had seen her earlier that morning, but it hadn’t sunk in that she was wearing a CIT shirt until now.

“Hi Tracy. That shirt suits you,” I half-teased, grinning as I turned back to the lesson. I had no idea if Tracy could ride, but I wasn’t about to interfere with her learning if she didn’t. Once the initial lesson was over though, it was two younger girls who came up to me, one with short, straight black hair and green eyes, the other with longer, fiery red hair not unlike Amanda’s, and deep blue eyes.

“Hi Spirit,” the first cheered warmly. “Remember us?”

It actually took me a second to recognize them. “You’re Amanda’s friends right? Let’s see,” I paused, pretending to remember their names. I pointed at the first girl, Denise, “You’re Amber, and you’re Denise right?”

“No!” they giggled. “I’m Amber, she’s Denise.”

I laughed. “Yeah, I’m just teasing you. Have you ever been horseback riding before?”

“We were too young last year,” Denise answered.

“Are you going to come riding with us?” Amber asked, followed from both girls by a “Pleeeease?”

“Well I was going to go get some lunch, but how can I refuse that? Okay, Counselor Dunham?”

“Yes Spirit?” Counselor Dunham answered, grinning back at me.

“Do you have a spare horse?”

“I saved one just for you dear,” she answered. “You remember Lulubelle, right?”

“Oh jeeze.”

~oOo~

Later that night, Jennifer, Lily and I walked down to where the bonfire was being set up. A number of log benches sat in an outlying circle on a slight incline, with the first ‘row’ a safe distance from where the fire pit had apparently been redug and fortified with a small layer of stones around the outside.

While Jennifer and Lily sat down, I approached Counselor Davis, as petite a woman as I remembered, whom had just finished bringing in a small bundle of dried kindling. She glanced up at me and nodded.

“Hi Spirit. What’s on your mind?”

“Oh, nothing. I just wanted to see if you needed any help.”

Her smile broadened. “As a matter of fact I do. Could you help me arrange the wood pallets? We’re trying to get a large bonfire going with as little wood as possible.”

“Sure, no problem,” I answered. She passed me a pair of work gloves, and we set to it, carefully stacking and arranging the wood around the kindling she had brought over earlier. By the time we had finished, Jennifer, Lily, and a couple of counselors had joined in as well. I passed the gloves back to Counselor Davis and turned to rejoin the girls whom, by now, had been joined by Allison with her little travel guitar in-hand.

“Hey Spirit,” Jennifer giggled, “Lily has some ideas we might look into for the Native American stuff.”

“Well I wouldn’t say ideas exactly,” Lily rolled her shoulders as she smiled. “But I know a little bit about the history of this area. My family’s lived here for years. I’ll try and write down what I remember and give it to one of you tonight or tomorrow.”

“Awesome,” Allison answered as she began to tune her guitar. “I love these nanoweb strings. I don’t even have to do much tuning.”

“That is a lovely instrument,” Lily replied. “It reminds me of a parlor guitar one of my relatives had. Dainty little thing, but a sound like Heaven itself.”

Allison giggled. “My grandpa had what he called a parlor guitar too. I completely forgot about it because it's up in the attic, I think. I’ll dig it out when I get back home and see if it needs restoring or anything. It’d look great next to my sister’s piano as a conversation piece, if nothing else.”

“Oh I agree,” Jennifer answered. I just sort of sat and let the conversation drift and pass me by, smiling and listening. It was a great night, that night. No concerns, just me, my old friends, our new friend Lily, and a nice bonfire to roast marshmallows by.

~oOo~

The next day had been an incredibly productive one. That morning I attended an advanced leather tooling class and sat in on a first-aid course to brush up before I’d have to renew my CPR certification, and I even went swimming before lunch. I had just walked back down to the lake with Jennifer, planning to do some canoeing with her when Lily came racing up to us, nearly out of breath.

“Spirit, they just called your name over the camp PA system.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked, hoping my gut reaction was wrong.

“I don’t know. They just said you had a phone call.”

“Oh shit,” I cursed. I never cursed normally, but I did that day, and I took off in a dead sprint. About halfway to the main lodge, I nearly knocked over two girls coming from the opposite direction around a small, blind corner due to a large oak tree.

“Sorry!” I called as I continued.

“S’okay!” one of the girls shouted back, for once making me thankful for my reputation.

Nurse Bree stood just inside the lodge, holding a cordless phone in her hand. She smiled as she passed it off to me. “Here you go, hon,” she whispered.

I was groping for breath as I sat down on one of the lodge’s sofas. “Hi Sarah,” I managed.

“Wow. Spirit are you okay?”

I laughed despite myself. “I’m fine. I just ran all the way to the main lodge from the lake. Is everything okay?”

“Um... Not... exactly.”

~oOo~

I sighed as I hung up the phone. “Katelyn. I hope I remember her number.” I carefully punched in the number, bringing the phone to my ear.

“Yeah, what is it?” Katelyn groussed.

“Hi Katelyn,” I answered, careful to use my best neutral tone.

“Robin! Oh, um, hey, what’s up?”

“Katelyn, listen, I just got a call from a friend of mine named Sarah. She’s having a really tough time right now.”

“Sarah? Is she a short kid with strawberry blonde hair?”

“Yeah, that’s her. Listen, I’d really appreciate it if you could ease up on her. I’m serious about her having a rough time right now. She needs good friends.”

“She started it,” Katelyn snapped defensively, but sighed. “Look, whatever. If this is about what happened at the pool, it was an accident. She got all pissy with me afterwards. I walked away and left her alone.”

“She mentioned that, yeah. Just try and give her a chance, okay? I think you’ll like her. Just think about it, for me?”

Katelyn sighed. “Okay, for you I’ll think about it. Sorry Robin.”

“Don’t be. If it were anyone else I wouldn’t say a word, but she’s special. I have to go now. I’ll be home in a couple of weeks. We can talk more then.”

“Okay. Bye Robin,” she answered, sounding almost sullen as she hung up.

I stood, handing the phone to Meredith as she approached. “Was that your friend?”

“Yeah. One of my other friends was giving her a hard time. I think Sarah might have taken it all a little too seriously, but I asked the other friend to ease up a little bit and try to give her a chance. I just hope they don’t kill each other before I get back - figuratively speaking of course.” I managed a laugh. “Katelyn’s a nice girl. She’s just got a nasty temper, and Sarah’s been through a lot, so it’s kind of natural that they feed off each other like that. If they’d just give each other a chance I know they’d be good friends though.”

Meredith smiled proudly as she gave me a light hug. “You’re an incredible young woman. Have you ever thought about psychology?”

“I’ve thought about it. I’m not sure if I want to pursue it or not, but I kind of do. I want to be in a field where I can help people as much as others have helped me, you know? Anyway, I’d better get back down to the lake before Jennifer leaves without me. Thanks Meredith.”

“Anytime, dear. That’s what we’re here for,” she answered with a warm smile, as I turned to head back down to the lake. In the back of my mind, I wondered, even hoped that what I’d said would sink in, that Katelyn would give Sarah a chance, and more importantly, that Sarah would give Katelyn another one.

---

~* Girl, Interrupted *~ “Robin, there you are,” she gasped. I could tell, just by the fact that she used my real name, that something was wrong. “I need to speak to you in private. It’s important.” I glanced at the girls briefly, flashing an apologetic smile before standing and following Alice outside. “We just received a phone call this morning, sweetie. I’m so sorry. Your friend Sarah was involved in some kind of accident.”

---

It was strange how easily the mysterious girl with the violet eyes at least partially filled the void left by not having Nicole with us, at least as a friend. She seemed easy enough to talk to casually about various topics, usually related to whatever we happened to be doing at the time, but sometimes I’d talk about life back in Alpine Springs, or Jennifer and Allison would run off on a tangent with some wild story about Nicole and Allison’s legendary prank wars, and Lily would give Allison ideas on how to start a new one when we got back together for second session.

It wasn’t even as though she was trying to replace Nicole, or anything so silly. She really reminded me of how Rachel and I sort of accidentally bonded last summer.

I was up bright and early Monday morning just as the sun was rising. The others were still asleep, so after I changed and gathered my things for my morning shower, including the friendship bracelet the girls had given me last summer, I stepped out of our cabin into the cool morning air. Lily stood outside her cabin, just leaning against the wall and staring off into the distance, so I left her alone.

“You’re up early,” she mused as I started down the path. I turned to find she now stood right next to me. I smiled back at her as I nodded.

“I love mornings here. Back home, I’m used to being up early because I had to have enough time to get ready for school, but here I get up early just so I can see the sun rise over the trees.”

“That’s beautiful, Spirit,” Lily answered with a bright smile. “Oh, what a pretty bracelet,” she added a moment later.

“Thank you. My friends made it for me my first summer at camp. I can make you one if you’d like?” I asked, which caused her to giggle slightly and shake her head.

“No, that’s okay. You should focus your energy on enjoying yourself. Thank you, though,” she answered, placing her hand on my shoulder for just a moment. “I should go see about breakfast since I’m already up. I’ll save you three a table.”

“Oh, thanks. Are you ready for the overnight hiking trip this evening?”

“Am I ever,” she giggled. Sometimes Lily reminded me of Jennifer. By that I mean that sometimes she just didn’t talk like a normal sixteen year old. She used her language carefully, choosing her words and saying exactly as much as needed to be said. Other times though, like just now, she sounded like any other average American girl. It kind of made me giggle to think about.

“Well, I’ll see you at breakfast,” I finally said simply, and we exchanged a brief wave. Just out of curiosity I glanced over my shoulder as I walked away. She smiled and turned to walk down the path that led to the camp mess hall.

~oOo~

My hair still dripped a little as I entered the camp mess/cafeteria. It only took me a moment to spot Jennifer and Allison chatting it up with Lily. Not many girls had come through yet, so I easily grabbed myself a tray and quickly joined them.

“Hey Spirit,” Lily cheered warmly as I sat down. “We were just talking about you,” she giggled.

“You were? Oh dear,” I teased. “Whatever they’ve been telling you, it’s a complete lie,” I added, winking at her.

“Ohh, so you’re not a caring, sweet, loving CIT who treats her fellow scouts like sisters, hm?” Lily teased back. “No, really though, Serenity was just regaling me with more stories from her prank wars with Nikki. I wasn’t giving her any ideas to start a new one, either.” She had a mischievous grin that reminded me of Nicole’s, when she was up to something. I had to laugh.

“So now that we’re all here,” Jennifer began, “What did Alice want?”

“Oh!” Allison perked up excitedly. “We’ve been asked to lead a day hike, the four of us plus one adult counselor for supervision, but basically it’d be us leading the hike, ensuring nobody gets lost and stuff.

“Isn’t that a lot of responsibility?” I had to ask.

Allison nodded. “That’s the idea though. It’s a leadership exercise for us advanced CITs, plus we’ll still have a supervisor in case something does go wrong, but we’ll basically be in charge of the entire thing, from setting up equipment, planning the trail, hiking it out ourselves first, and then
leading the group. It’s age group 10-12 so it won’t be like we’re getting the whole camp lost.”

“We’ll be fine,” Lily spoke simply, but smiled reassuringly. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Allison shook her head. “Famous last words. Really though, we just need to be prepared. Anyone have any ideas?”

“I do,” I replied. “There’s a big map hanging in the main lodge with all the main hiking trails marked out.”

Jennifer nodded. “Good idea Spirit. I think we should talk to Meredith and find out if the map is up-to-date. We also need to make sure we have a way to communicate with the camp because just a cell phone won’t cut it out here.”

Armed with a plan and what to ask for, we finished our breakfast in peace, chatting and giggling about our plan for the day. As we stood to leave, Alice raced over to us, clearly out of breath.

“Robin, there you are,” she gasped. I could tell, just by the fact that she used my real name, that something was wrong. “I need to speak to you in private. It’s important.”

I glanced at the girls briefly, flashing an apologetic smile before standing and following Alice outside.

“We just received a phone call this morning, sweetie. I’m so sorry. Your friend Sarah was involved in some kind of accident.”

“What?” I gasped. “Is she okay? What happened?”

“I don’t have all the details myself, but I was told she had to be airlifted to the hospital. She’s in critical condition in the intensive care unit.”

“Oh my God. Oh Sarah,” I sobbed into Alice’s shoulder.

“Honey I am so sorry,” Alice cooed as she held me, softly stroking my hair. “If there’s anything I or one of the other counselors can do, you just let me know okay?”

I nodded softly. “I... I don’t know. I need to be there with her.” I needed to be there because I felt guilty. If I had just stayed home...

“But the girls need me here,” I sighed. I suddenly felt a gentle hand on my shoulder, and then another on the other. I looked back to see Jennifer and Lily smiling back at me, and Allison approaching. The three of them wrapped their arms around me, and Allison kissed my cheek, whispering.

“I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have eavesdropped, but you’re like a sister to Jenn and me.”

“And you’ve made me feel like I belong here,” Lily added, smiling softly. “You should go be with your friend. I promise we’ll hold down the fort here. I’ll ask that Natalie girl to take your place on the nature hike.”

“Really? A-are you guys sure?”

“We’re sure,” Jennifer answered. “Sarah needs you.”

I turned back to Alice, and she smiled. “I’ll get my car keys. Girls, I’ll be back in a few hours.”

~oOo~

I spent most of the ride back to Alpine Springs in silence. I tried not to think too much or too hard about Sarah’s condition, or my role in her situation. She reached out to me as a fellow scout, and the one time she really needed me, I wasn’t there for her. If Katelyn had a hand in this, I couldn’t be held responsible for my actions.

When we first arrived at the hospital, Alice smiled and reached out to squeeze my hand. “Do you want me to walk you in, or will you be okay from here?”

I brushed away relatively fresh tears as I nodded. “I’ll be okay. Thank you Alice. I owe you a big one,” I answered, and after unbuckling my seatbelt, I leaned closer, hugging her neck. She smiled as she lay a comforting hand on my back.

“You’re welcome. Just call the camp if you should decide you want to come back, okay? I’ll come pick you up myself.”

I smiled meekly as I slid out of the car and stepped inside. I had been to Alpine Springs’ hospital dozens, even hundreds of times over the last year either visiting Mom, Kelly, or having blood drawn to ensure that my hormones were in balance, but this was the second time I had to visit as a grieving friend. It felt shockingly unnerving, a lot like my first visit, when Nicole’s Dad suffered a mild heart attack.

The receptionist smiled softly as I approached. “Hi Robin. I thought you were away at camp?”

“Hi Bridget,” I answered somberly, trying to be strong. “I was. I got a call this morning that my friend was involved in some kind of accident. Her name’s Sarah Cameron.”

“Oh,” the woman’s soft features reflected her sympathy. She nodded gently. “She’s had several people come through asking about her, the poor girl. Her friends and family have convened on the third floor since she’s not allowed visitors yet. Just take the first right off the elevator. You know her sister LeAnn don’t you? She’ll be there so just watch for her.”

I nodded and thanked Bridget for her help, moving to the elevator. The doors opened on an attractive pair of women in their late twenties at best. The shorter woman, a strawberry blonde, smiled professionally back at me at I stepped inside. The taller woman, slender with long brunette hair tied back, gave me a simple nod.

“You okay hon?” the shorter woman asked. I never could guard my emotions that well. I forced a smile, but shook my head.

“Here to visit my friend Sarah,” I said softly. I hadn’t actually met Sarah’s aunts before, so I had no way of knowing that I now shared an elevator with them, at least until the taller woman answered.

“Cameron?” She offered her hand. “I’m Zoey, and this is my wife, Ashleigh. We’re Sarah’s aunts and benefactors.”

“Oh, you’re the two that helped her move here? It’s nice to finally meet you both. I’m Robin, the um, the girl she gave her phone number to over the internet,” I blushed. I still couldn’t believe we did that instead of using some sort of voice chat program to talk. Ashleigh smiled slightly.

“She’s a smart girl. She wouldn’t have just run off to meet some random stranger even if you hadn’t been who you said you were.”

“How is she? The camp couldn’t get any direct information about her condition because I’m not immediate family.”

“Yes you are,” Zoey replied. “She’s always saying how you’re like another sister. As for her condition, it’s not good.”

“I looked over the police report,” Ashleigh began, “And from what I can tell, she either tripped and fell, or... she intentionally tried to attack the mirror. She lost a lot of blood, but they were able to get the bleeding to stop. They’ve given her a transfusion to try and replace what was lost, but they have her sedated right now so her body can heal.”

“Oh God,” I whispered as the elevator doors opened. As we stepped out, an attractive blonde-haired girl about my age dressed in plain jeans and a pale pink t-shirt brushed past me. She smiled.

“Sorry,” she added a moment later, disappearing around a blind corner. I smiled faintly back at her, following Sarah’s aunts to the waiting room where everyone else had gathered. I admit I was really surprised to see Katelyn there, but judging by the puffy cheeks and the red eyes, it seemed a lot had changed in the course of a week.

She immediately stood as we entered and raced over to me, grabbing me in a hug. “Hey you,” she whispered, choking up a little, and my heart melted. I held her close.

“Hey yourself,” I whispered almost playfully, trying really hard not to start crying again myself. “Sarah’s aunts told me what happened. I’m sorry. I should have been here.”

“There’s nothing you could’ve done. It’s just one of those things. Listen, though. Um, we need to talk about something.”

“Sure, what is it?”

“Not here,” she whispered, shaking her head. “It’s too personal.”

“Let’s go up to the roof, then. There’s a beautiful gazebo up there where I sometimes have lunch with Mom and Kelly on weekends. Hardly anyone goes there so it’ll be quiet.”

Katelyn smiled faintly as she nodded.

~oOo~

I always hated conversations that started with ‘Don’t be mad’. They always ended with any number of valid reasons to be furious. This one was an exception though, in an odd way. I listened as Katelyn recounted the events of the last week while I was away at camp. She explained how she and Sarah had started dating, and how they had grown incredibly close, but then came the bombshell.

“She... She accidentally slipped and told Barbara your secret in front of me.” Katelyn winced as fresh tears flowed freely. “Robin I am so, so, so sorry. Please don’t be mad at her. It was all my fault. I stupidly insisted on going in with her. I should never have heard it because I had no business knowing. Please don’t hate her,” she begged.

“Wow,” I spoke softly. “I don’t know what to say. I don’t hate her. I couldn’t hate her. I’m a little upset at the situation because my stealth - my ability to pass as just another girl is extremely important to me, but I understand what it’s like. Doctor Ketz is so easy to talk to that sometimes things just tumble out without you realizing you’ve said them. I doubt she even realizes she said it to be honest.”

“For what it’s worth, it honestly doesn’t change anything. I still think you’re an incredible, beautiful girl, and that Nikki is so lucky to have you. On some level I kind of wish we had dated now because the thought of being with a girl like you is kinda hot,” she blushed, shooting her gaze straight down. “But I love Sarah, as a friend, and maybe more. We’ve grown so close so fast, and it terrifies me, but it’s like, it feels so right too.”

“That’s how it was with Nikki,” I managed a quiet giggle as I put an arm around Katelyn. “We tried really hard to suppress our feelings, and to just be friends, but we didn’t even make it through camp before we started sneaking off to talk and just hold each other.”

“That is so cute,” Katelyn giggled a little. “But yeah, exactly. It’s not like I want to take advantage of her. It’s totally the opposite. I want to be here for her, to support her, to make her feel loved.”

“I know exactly what you mean. You know Nikki had a really hard life before she moved here, right?”

“I know she was a foster kid, but that’s about it,” Katelyn answered.

“Well, it’s not my place to say anything about her past, except to just repeat that I know exactly what you mean. You want to protect her, to love her and make her feel safe, but it’s not about ego or self-centeredness. If Nikki asked me never to speak to her again, I would, in a heartbeat. I don’t want her to ever do that. I want to be hers completely, and maybe some day we’ll both be ready for that, but right now, I feel like our relationship’s exactly where it needs to be.”

“See, that’s how I feel about Sarah. I’ve had a few of my friends ask me if I’m serious about Sarah because she’s so much younger than me, but she gave me an incredibly beautiful sketch that I think says it all. She calls it ‘Love Knows no Bounds’.” Katelyn smiled. “Anyway... Thank you for hearing me out. I know after our talk the other day you probably thought I hurt her.”

“The thought crossed my mind, but I know you better than that. You’re a good person. You just have a bit of a temper sometimes,” I giggled.

Katelyn laughed as we stood, and pulled me into a hug. “I learned to channel that into protecting her though. I kicked some chick’s ass at Tony’s Pizzaria the other day when she got all prissy about Sarah being lesbian.”

Katelyn wrapped an arm around my waist as we walked away from the gazebo to head back inside, and leaned her head on my shoulder. “I understand now why you change for cheer or basketball or even just gym by yourself. That must be really hard for you, and I want you do know that now that I do know, I’m going to do whatever I can to help keep your secret safe. Sarah and I care about you a lot, and I don’t know what I would do if someone hurt you or said something bad to you just for being you.”

“Sometimes the best way to hide something is to just not acknowledge it,” I replied with a smile. “It’s worked for me so far, anyway. I make excuses where I need to, and the school board and faculty know. Alli, Jenn, and Nikki and their families know as well, but nobody else, except you and Sarah, and possibly her aunts.”

“What secret?” Katelyn smiled.

I couldn’t help a small giggle. “Exactly.”

“Thanks Robin. This has helped me so much. Now I can just worry about Sarah getting better.”

“You’re welcome. You have my cell phone number, don’t you? I’m going to call a cab home. I need some time to sort this out.”

Katelyn nodded softly. “Sarah’s going to be out of it for awhile anyway. As soon as she’s stable enough to be moved to a regular room, I’ll call you.”

“Thank you,” I answered, giving her another hug before we parted ways at the elevator.

~oOo~

I needed some place quiet, but seeing the police tape on the door to Sarah’s house felt just too unnerving to be so close to. I had worn my CIT t-shirt that morning, assuming that I’d be involved in some sort of special counseloring activities, but I didn’t feel like changing, so I simply threw my suitcase into the foyer, changed out of my white sneakers and into a pair of hiking boots, and took off out the back.

I’d hiked the old trail dozens of times in the last year, either alone or with my friends, so I knew it by heart. All the same though, I pulled out my phone just to make sure the battery had a charge, just in case. As I walked along, nearing the little stream that ran through the woods, the special place where Allison asked Nicole and me to join the scouts, I heard a twig snap. Going into alert mode, I quickly looked around for the source.

A young girl with ocean blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair in a cute tie-dyed pink and purple headband and matching t-shirt smiled warmly at me. I’d never met her before, never seen her in my life, but I felt instantly at ease, like I could just walk up and hug her as if we were old friends.

“I’m sorry. I like, didn’t mean to scare you.”

I relaxed a little and smiled back at her. “It’s okay. I’m just a little jumpy right now. What are you doing way out here?”

She giggled. “Bird-watching. I know, I know, like, everybody says you need binoculars, but I think it’s more organic, more fun if you have to rely on all your senses to guess a sparrow from a Robin.” She grinned cheerfully, and I had to laugh.

“Well you certainly found a Robin,” I teased. “Nice to meet you.”

“Oh, your name’s Robin? Ohmygosh, are you Robin Smith?” she bubbled. “My friends talk about you all the time. It’s such an honor to meet you. I’m Bethany.”

“Nice to meet you Bethany,” I repeated as we shook hands.

“So like, when are you and Nikki going to get married? Can I come to the wedding?”

“Wedding?” I blushed, shaking my head. “I’m only sixteen. Besides, Nikki and I have a lot of growing up to do before we’re ready for that.” I lied. The truth was we were ready now, but we wanted to be able to take care of a family financially before we started adopting. “How do you know about Nikki anyway?”

“Like I said, my friends love to talk. One of them like, said that you guys are joined at the hip. It’s sooo romantic! Well anyway, I’d better get home soon. It was so an honor to meet you Robin!”

“Likewise,” I answered and reached out to shake her hand again. She took my hand, pulling me into a hug instead.

“Sorry. I’ve wanted to do that from the moment I saw you,” she giggled. “Bye for now!”

I shook my head slowly as I continued on to the stream. “Strange girl, but I like her,” I laughed softly. In a weird way, I felt a little bit better about Sarah’s situation. It didn’t change my guilt over leaving her though. I sighed as I crawled up onto the huge boulder. The stream trickled past, almost like it was giggling as the water washed over the rocky riverbed.

I lay back against it, letting my hair fall as it may with my hands resting gently beneath my head. A warm, summer breeze brushed past, and overhead a small bird sang cheerfully. I let my thoughts wander. I loved that little stream.

I don’t know how long I lay there enjoying the peaceful solitude, but eventually, I heard another voice. An older woman from the sound of it. “Eva?” she called. “Is that you dear?”

I rolled over onto my side and sat up. An older lady with graying black hair and emerald green eyes smiled sheepishly back at me. “Oh, excuse me. I thought you were someone else.” She chuckled softly. “This is a busy place today.”

“You met Bethany too, I take it?” I answered with a smile. The woman laughed.

“Oh yes. Quite an excitable one, that. I love to take strolls along this stream when I’m able. Oh, but where are my manners?” She stepped closer to offer her hand. “My name is Lily. Lily-Rose Morgan. Would you mind some company up there? These old bones just aren’t what they used to be.”

“Oh, of course. Here,” I offered, sliding over as I extended my hands to help her up. She smiled softly as she settled down beside me. “You’re not related to Nicole Morgan are you?”

“You know my Nikki?” she replied cheerfully. “She’s my granddaughter. Mind like a steel trap, that girl.”

I giggled. “Oh my Gosh. You’re Nikki’s grandma? I’m Robin, Nikki’s girlfriend.”

“Robin! Oh my, you really are as pretty as Nikki says. I’m sorry that we haven’t met sooner, dear. I’m such a busy woman, and it seemed whenever I wasn’t, you were,” she teased, grinning. “So what brings you out here?”

“I needed some time to think about … things. This is a special place for me. It’s so serene and peaceful. This is where my friend Alli invited Nikki and me to join the Girl Scouts, and where we come to camp sometimes unless the stream is up. It’s just so calming. It helps me clear my head.” I paused to glance at her. “Lily-Rose, what would you do if you had invited someone to come live here, but then when you were away doing selfish things, that person got hurt?”

“I suppose it depends on what you define as selfish things. Do you want to tell old Gram Morgan what this is about?” She smiled with a serene sort of wisdom that reminded me of Jennifer, as she put an arm around me. I couldn’t help but relax, leaning into her as I told her the entire saga, and why I felt guilty for Sarah’s sake.

“Oh, Robin,” she answered softly and kissed my forehead. “You mustn’t blame yourself. Whether or not you were here wouldn’t have changed anything about Sarah’s condition. She would have gotten hurt either way. Besides, you said that Katelyn girl was here, and things didn’t change, did they?”

“Well, no, I suppose not, but-”

She pressed her finger gently to my lips and smiled. “Sometimes bad things happen for a reason. It may not be for us to understand why they happen. All we can do is cope with them, and try to fix them if we can. If not, then we support the person, remind them that they’re loved. You can’t blame yourself every time something beyond your control happens to someone you love. You’ll only drive yourself crazy that way.”

I smiled a little as I nodded. “I guess you’re right. Do you think it was a mistake coming home from camp early?”

“Not at all, dear. If nothing else, I never would have met you here, and you would only have worried yourself sick and not had any fun at all had you stayed. Am I right?”

I giggled a little. “Yeah, you’re right. Sarah’s like a sister. We talk about absolutely everything. I just hate that there’s nothing I can do to help.”

“Sure you can. You can be you,” she answered with a soft smile. “Be Spirit. Be her friend when she needs you, be there for her, but be yourself too.”

“Do you think it would be okay if I helped clean, once the police tape’s taken down?”

“I think it would be a very sweet gesture, if you can handle seeing it.”

“I’m strong,” I answered. “Besides, I want to help somehow. I can’t stand sitting helplessly in a hospital waiting room.”

“I don’t blame you. I’d rather take action, myself,” she answered with an enigmatic smile. “I should be going, though. It’s been a joy chatting with you. I’m sure we’ll be seeing more of each other in the future.”

“Hey, listen, I mostly live next door to Allison, one of Nikki’s oldest friends, if you ever want to stop by for some herbal tea or something, or you know, just to talk? I’d love to get to know you better. I don’t really have any extended family, just my mom and half-sister, and her mom, so Nikki’s family are really important to me.”

“Oh, thank you dear,” she answered as she hugged me close, smiling brightly. “I might just take you up on that.”

She gently slid down off the boulder and waved. I smiled, watching her leave before I hopped down myself, starting back down the trail toward home. I couldn’t do anything to help with cleaning the house until the police were finished, but I could at least go back to the hospital to help support Katelyn and Meg.

When I reached Margie’s, I changed out of my muddy boots and back into my sneakers. I hopped into my car, stopping off for a box of fresh donuts and coffee enough for everyone on my way back to the hospital.

---

Author's Note:
While I've always strived to keep the existence of magic in Robin's universe low-key, its mere existence at all is now prompting me to tag it as such to avoid anymore upset readers. I won't go back and tag every chapter, nor will I tag every chapter going forward, merely the ones where it's slightly more overt (to the reader, NOT to Robin.)

Enjoy :-)

~* Girl, Uncertain *~ "You didn't answer my question. Why do I look like her? I'm adopted, aren't I? My real parents were assholes who... Who..." she stopped, and broke down completely, burying her face in my shoulder. I helplessly held her, stroking her hair and trying to calm her. I didn’t know what else to do. She had been hurt so deeply by those monsters. Even with therapy, she still buried much of her pain and sorrow. Lily-Rose looked at Nicole sadly. "Yes child you were adopted twice really: once by those people who claimed to be your parents, and then again by your uncle."

---

What Lily had said to me made a good deal of sense really. Even if I had been here instead of at camp, there was no more I could have done than what the paramedics already did. Still, I wanted to try and help. I wanted to do … something. The doctors said that even though they had Sarah in a light coma while she recovered, that there was a good chance she could still hear us.

I waited until everyone else had left before I talked to her though. Katelyn had gone to find a bathroom, and Meg to tend to her job. Zoey I knew was around somewhere, but Ashleigh had flown back to DC to put out some unrelated legal fires, leaving me at least for a moment, as the only one there to keep her company. I reached out for her limp hand, and curled her fingers around mine, bringing it up and kissing the back gently.

“You know you really gave me a scare,” I spoke softly. “The doctors are amazed at how fast you’re recovering. They say you must have an angel watching over you. I came as soon as I heard something had happened.” I sighed, sitting down, but still holding her hand. “I just knew it was my fault. I knew I abandoned you. But I’m over that now. Nikki’s gram gave me some good advice, and I intend to take it.”

Sarah stirred very slightly, and I waited, hoping she might wake. She remained still, and I continued. “Anyway, camp is as beautiful as I remember it. Sarah I hope you decide to come with me for the second session. I just know you’re going to love it.”

I closed my eyes, letting a few stray tears roll down my cheeks and swallowing the lump in my throat before I continued. “Katelyn and I talked. I know you slipped up and told her about me being transgendered. I just want you to know it’s okay. I know it was an accident, and I’m not upset with you. I was a little upset at the situation until Katelyn told me that it doesn’t change anything. She says you both will continue to support me, to be here for me. I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”

I paused to let go of Sarah’s hand so I could dry my eyes. “Sarah I know I should be talking to Nikki and the others about what I’m feeling, but in a way I’m scared that I’ll destroy this perfect illusion they have of me as the all-american girl. I know it’s stupid. I know they love me, and they’ll always see me as the girl they know I am, but there’s just so much outside pressure to conform. I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it to eighteen anymore.”

As I leaned forward, burying my head in my hands, I suddenly felt a soft touch on my shoulder, sliding down my back. I opened my eyes just in time to see Zoey smiling back at me, wrapping me in a much-needed hug.

“I’m sorry sweetie. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but you sounded like you needed a hug.”

I smiled meekly back at her. “Sarah’s been my go-to girl for talking about my … issues for awhile now. I don’t like to dump my problems on people, but she’s just so easy to talk to - when she’s not in a coma, I mean,” I giggled a little. Zoey stifled a soft laugh.

“Robin, what did you mean about not making it to eighteen?”

“Oh, it’s not what it sounds like, ma’am,” I quickly corrected her. “You’re a therapist right?”

She smiled as she nodded. “Yes. Licensed in four states.”

“Then you can keep a secret.” I couldn't actually remember if Sarah had told Zoey or not at that point. My emotions were like a river overflowing a dam, and I needed to talk to someone who could talk back, so I let it all out.

“The truth is, I’m transgendered. I’ve been living full-time as Robin for about a year now, but dressed like a girl every single chance I got before then. I promised myself I’d wait until my eighteenth birthday before having ‘the surgery’, but sometimes I just don’t know if I can make it that long.” I sighed softly. “I was just telling my regular therapist, Barbara Ketzowski that I’m not ready for that step yet, but... I just don’t know.”

Zoey gave me a soft smile and hugged me again. “Oh, honey, I’ve been there,” she giggled softly. “I’m post-operative myself.”

“When did it become too much for you?”

She smiled meekly. “When I was almost sexually molested by a fellow student. I know that probably sounds twisted. I had been living as Zoey for awhile, but I thought I could get by with just HRT and put surgery off for later, but that near attack made me deeply self-conscious of my male parts. I mean, I was already extremely self-conscious of their presence, but after that day it was all I could think about.” She sighed softly, shutting her eyes.

“Oh, I’m sorry. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” I offered, but she shook her head.

“No, it’s important that you hear this. When I finally had it done, I realized that I wanted to have it done all my life. I had just been lying to myself about being comfortable with putting it off. I’m not telling you that you should go through with it. In fact, if you can live your life happily without it, then you should, but if having male reproductive organs gets in the way of your life the way it did with mine, then you shouldn’t be afraid to follow your heart.

“Each person’s journey is different, though. I have one good friend who never had the surgery because for her, presenting and living as female was enough to make her feel whole. I tried that, but I just couldn’t do it. I needed to remove the distraction from my life so that I could focus on my studies and finish my degree. What exactly is it that’s driving you to consider it?”

“A lot of things. I feel like an outsider on my own team. I can’t shower with my teammates, and I have to explain it to them constantly, basically half-lying about having a disfiguring medical condition.”

Zoey cracked a smile, giggling a little. “Oh that’s a good one. Do you mind if I use that with my patients?”

I smiled as I shook my head. “No, go ahead. It’s worked great for me so far. I’m on the basketball team and varsity cheer squad, so I get it from both sides. I have to change in the coaches’ offices and usually shower there too, if I don’t wait until I get home. I use the girls’ bathrooms at school, but I have to double-check the latch.” I finally broke down, sobbing quietly into her shoulder.

“I’m constantly worried about my girlfriend or my friends accidentally walking in on me while I’m changing. I’m just so tired of hiding, Zoey. I want to be free.”

“Shh, it’s okay,” she whispered. “Ashleigh and I run a special program to help girls like you. Barbara happens to be on my list of contacts so you’re already in a great position. Your family and friends love and support you too right?”

“Yeah. Even Ash’ Rogers, my step-dad, has been really cool about everything.”

“Even so, though, the choice is ultimately up to you. I will warn you that recovery is a slow, sometimes painful, and difficult process. If you decide you want to do this, you won’t be able to do much else this summer.”

“I know,” I answered softly. “That’s the problem. I want to do basketball workshops, and attend cheer camps. I want to do normal ‘girl’ stuff, but I want - I need to get this done before college because I just don’t think I can handle this kind of distraction when I go to work on my degree. Everybody’s pushing for me to go to Yale - myself included. I love the campus, and I’ve already met a couple of instructors, but I need to have my A-game for a college like that.”

“Oh dear,” Zoey answered and nodded. “I can see why that would be an issue for you. As I said, I was working on my degree at the time, too.”

“If you were me, would you have had it done when you were my age?”

“Honestly? I wouldn’t have been brave enough to live as myself at your age. I was terrified of what people would do to me if they found out, most of all my father, God rest his soul. Like I said, each person’s path is different. But I believe you’re a strong, caring, intelligent girl, and I know you’ll find a way if it’s what you truly want to do.” She smiled and leaned closer to hug me again.

“Thank you, Zoey,” I answered sheepishly. “I kind of already know how I can make cheer stuff work without actually attending camp. I just don’t know if I want to go through with it yet. I need to talk to my family and friends, and Barbara. I wish I could just wave a magic wand and make myself a girl, but then I wouldn’t be the person I am today, would I?” I giggled a little as I stood.

“I suppose that’s true. If our experiences define us, then losing those experiences would be a kind of death. Better to think about the positives, about how much stronger you are for your struggle. I know you’ll succeed in anything you set your mind to.”

I hugged Zoey again, still smiling. “Thank you so much for the talk. I feel a lot better about things now. I’m going to head back to camp in a few days. I want to help straighten Sarah’s house first, but I’ll use my camp time to decide what I want to do. Being there, even though I’m a counselor in training, is just so relaxing.”

“We’ve hired a professional cleaning crew to handle the worst of the house, but if you want to go over and make sure everything’s in order, I’ll set you up a temporary security access code. Just call me and let me know when you’re ready.”

“Thank you. I just hate feeling helpless. I want to do something for her before I leave for camp again, you know? Anyway, thanks again.”

I turned to step out, only to find Nicole approaching me. She looked a little somber, so I wrapped her in a hug almost immediately and kissed her cheek.

“Hey cutie,” she whispered, and nuzzled into my neck, squeezing me close.

“Hey you. What’s wrong?”

“Not ‘wrong’ exactly,” Nicole answered. “Just confused as hell.” She took me by the hand, leading me back to the elevators, though she wouldn’t say anything else until after we had stepped on. She reached into her jeans pocket, producing a faded potograph that she held up for me. “Who does that look like to you?”

“Wow. She looks just like you. Who is she?”

Nicole frowned. “That’s my dad’s sister, Rachel.”

“Rachel?” I echoed, confused. “B-but I thought-”

“Yeah, me too,” Nicole answered. “Nobody likes to talk about ‘Aunt’ Rachel. I didn’t even know she existed until just recently when some new neighbors finally moved into the old Jewel place across the road. Apparently the lady, Rachel and Bob were good friends growing up. If anybody knows what the hell is going on, it’s going to be Gramma Lily, but I’m afraid of talking to her.”

“What? Why?” I asked softly. “Lily is such a caring, wonderful woman Nikki. I’m sure she’d be willing to tell you whatever you want to know.”

“You know Gramma Lily?” Nicole looked stunned, so much so that she hadn’t even noticed the elevator doors opening, at least until I pulled her along with me out to the lobby.

“I met her just recently. She was walking the stream behind my house. We met at that big old boulder we’re all so fond of. She gave me some really great advice about why I shouldn’t feel guilty about what happened to Sarah,” I added, and smiled. “Come on. Let’s go talk to her?”

“Okay,” she answered reluctantly. “But can we pick up your car first? She’s at home, but I have a feeling I’m going to need to clear my head before this is over, and I’d just rather you be driving right now.” She smiled, but her tone screamed of concern, even distraction.

“Um, okay,” I answered, curious, but not about to ask.

~oOo~

Just as we entered Nicole’s home someone knocked at her door. She glanced at me for just a moment, turning back to open it. Waiting on the other side stood a rather attractive seventeen year old girl with strawberry blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes, dressed in a pale green t-shirt and white shorts. “Yes? Can I help you?”

"Oh, hello there. Is your grandmother Lily-Rose home?" she asked simply, as though she were expected.

"Ah Nicole is that Melody at the door?" Lily-Rose called from further inside.
Melody smiled cheerfully. "Nicole? That's a nice name. It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

"Yeah, its nice to meet you too,” Nicole answered, still distracted. “Grandma is in the living room, but I need to speak to her as well."

"Oh, that's fine. I'll wait out here if you prefer," she answered with a soft, reassuring smile.

"You can come in and wait. Robin and I wont take much of Grandma's time," she answered and smiled as she let the girl in, closing the door. She grabbed my hand, dragging me along into the living room.

"Cool," Melody answered simply.

"Nicole, that does not look like Melody. That looks like your girlfriend Robin," Lily-Rose smiled with just a hint of a giggle in her tone, "But since you’re here what can I do for you, sweetie?"

I couldn’t help it, and giggled under my breath as I hugged Nicole close. She blushed softly. "I'm sorry Gram. It's just there's something I need to talk to you about - or rather, someone."

She paused, reaching into her pocket to produce Rachel's picture, offering it to Lily. "I need to know about her. Why do I look exactly like aunt Rachel?"

Lily-Rose's face shrank a bit as she stared at the picture of her late daughter. "I miss Rachel so much Nicole, but every time I see your face, I'm reminded how much I loved her, no matter how much heartache she caused me."

Nicole frowned. I silently hugged her, and started to step away, thinking that perhaps I was intruding on a family moment, but Nicole’s grip on my arm was like a vice. "Don't you dare leave me now," she whispered softly, turning back to Lily-Rose.

"You didn't answer my question. Why do I look like her? I'm adopted, aren't I? My real parents were assholes who... Who..." she stopped, and broke down completely, burying her face in my shoulder.

I helplessly held her, stroking her hair and trying to calm her. I didn’t know what else to do. She had been hurt so deeply by those monsters. Even with therapy, she still buried much of her pain and sorrow.

Lily-Rose looked at Nicole sadly. "Yes child you were adopted twice really: once by those people who claimed to be your parents, and then again by your uncle."

Nicole sniffed softly. "S-so it's true. Rachel was my real mother. Why the hell hasn't anyone told me?! I spent the last sixteen years thinking my real parents were abusive monsters," she sobbed.

"Why couldn't someone just tell me the truth? I had to find out from a stranger."

"Nicole sweetie, nobody lied to you, we just didn’t think you were emotionally stable enough to tell you. Rachel told me she was pregnant when she took off with Dean, and I spent years looking for you Nicole, till I found you in Foster care, and had my son adopt you to give you a loving home."

Lily-Rose stood up and walked over to Nicole to hug her.

"Y-you were trying to find me?" she asked, turning, slowly letting go of Robin to hug Lily. "Why did she abandon me?"

“She didn’t abandon you sweetheart. She died giving birth to you due to complications of a motorcycle accident. I didn’t find out all the details till after your dad adopted you." Lily-Rose hugged her granddaughter tightly and kissed her forehead.

"Oh, Gram," Nicole wept quietly, clinging tightly to her grandmother. "I'm sorry. I should have known there was a good reason why you kept all this from me. I'm sorry I doubted you," she whispered in a broken tone.

I smiled softly. "I told you. Your Grandma's an amazing woman."

Nicole giggled a little. "I guess I'm still getting used to the idea of being able to trust my family." She paused and blinked. "Oh my Gawd... That means I DO have a real family!"

Lily-Rose laughed softly, "Robin dear, could you do me a favor, and go into the kitchen and ask Gina to make us some tea, I need to speak to Nicole alone for a second, if that’s alright?" Lily looked at Nicole with a smile.

I nodded, quickly answering, "Of course,” then leaned close, kissing Nicole's cheek. "I'll be in the kitchen if you need me sweetie, but I think you'll be okay from here?" I grinned, patting Nicole's back reassuringly before turning to race out of the room.

Melody smiled at me as I passed through the foyer, and I waved at her. “Sorry. Family drama. Do you want some tea, while I’m helping Nikki’s mother brew some?”

Melody giggled. “They needed a moment, hey? Yes, I’d love some thank you,” she answered with a broad smile. I nodded, disappearing through the hall that led to the dining hall and kitchen.

~oOo~

Gina and I gossipped quietly in the kitchen while we waited for Nicole and Lily-Rose to finish their discussion. At one point I smiled though. “I think this is going to be good for her in the long run. I mean when you think about it, it wasn’t so much just that she was abused, but that she was abused by someone she thought was her father. I’m a tolerant, loving person,” I sighed softly, “But I draw the line there. There’s just so much wrong with that.”

Gina smiled gently as she hugged me. “I know, sweetheart. And I agree with you. I wanted to tell Nicole that I was really her aunt for so long now. Honestly before she met you, we didn’t believe she’d ever be ready to learn the truth about Rachel, but now...”

Nicole interrupted us, smiling from the doorway. “Now you can stop pretending she doesn’t exist, and start telling me all about her life. I want to know everything!” She practically bubbled, racing over to us and hugging Gina, then turning to hug me tightly. “Robin thank you so much,” she sobbed, but smiled brightly. “If it wasn’t for you I never would’ve had the guts to finally ask about Mom.”

She paused to look back at Gina. “But I’m still going to call you Mom too,” she added, giggling. “You were the first person to treat me like a daughter and not some worthless brat to be passed around by the system.”

“Oh honey,” Gina spoke softly, “You will always be my daughter, no matter how big you get. The part about Bob and I being unable to have children ourselves wasn’t a lie. You’re the closest thing we’ll ever have, and you really are a Morgan by blood after all.” She paused to smile, turning to take the tea kettle off the burner.

“Now, I believe your Gram asked for some tea. You two just relax here while I take it to her and Melody, then we can see about those cookies, Robin,” she added, grinning at me.

“Cookies?” Nicole asked, as Gina left. I giggled.

“Well you were in there an awfully long time, so we started swapping recipes.”

“Gawd, you are so cute,” Nicole giggled again as she kissed me softly. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too Nikki,” I answered softly as I kissed her back. Nicole made a strange face though, and reached into her pocket.

“The hell?” she asked, pulling out a strange little pendant and staring at it. “Oh, Gram...” She giggled.

“Wow, that’s pretty,” I replied warmly. “Your grandma’s?”

“My mom’s. Apparently Melody’s grandma was holding onto it or something,” she answered with a gentle shrug, turning it over in her hands. “I think I’m going to start wearing it,” she added. “It’ll look great with those gorgeous Ankh earrings you gave me for our anniversary.”

I giggled. “I know it was early, but technically we did start dating at camp.” I paused, and we both giggled in unison, “No PDAs.”

“I miss camp,” I sighed. “But it was worth coming back to check on Sarah. Nikki there’s something I need to talk to you about, but I want to wait until I’m closer to making a decision before I say too much.”

“What’s on your mind?” she asked, leaning closer to softly kiss my neck. I giggled quietly, unable to help myself, and wrapped her in a hug as I placed my head on her shoulder.

“I’m thinking really seriously about dropping out of cheer camp this year.”

“What? Why?”

I bit my lip. “The thing is, Alice, our CIT organizer? She’s an instructor at some cheer camps and retreats. I could learn from her instead. All I’d be missing out on then is the basketball workshops that I wasn’t even sure I wanted to attend anyway.”

“But... what would you do instead? Finally take a breather like we’ve been telling you to?” She giggled softly.

“Yeah, kind of. I’m... Well... I’m thinking about having it done.”

“It?” She stammered. “Y-you mean the big it? The point of no return, the final farewell, Robin’s day of reckoning?”

“Not in so many words though,” I answered with a giggle. “I wanted to get it done before college because I don’t want the kind of distractions it causes me. If I’m going to attend Yale I need to be able to focus completely. But... I’m so tired Nikki. I’m so damn tired of lying to my teammates about it. I just want to be a normal girl. It’s bad enough I get blood drawn once a week to keep my hormones in check.”

“Oh Robin,” Nicole cooed, holding me close to her. “You know I’ll support whatever decision you make. Just promise me you won’t rush into it, okay? High school’s just two years from being over. I understand your frustration, but I just don’t want you to do something you’ll regret later. Promise me you’ll talk to Kelly first?”

I giggled softly as I kissed her. “I already planned to. I’m going to talk to Alli and Jenn about it too, and get their advice, plus my Mom, and Margie, and of course Barbara. But I wanted you to be the first to know, so you wouldn’t worry about me. You know me better than anyone, better than I know myself, so I knew you’d notice something was on my mind.”

She smiled at me, staring me in the eye for a long moment before kissing me again, more softly. “I love you so much. Thanks for trusting me with this first.”

“I love you too,” I answered. “Since I’ll probably head back to camp again soon, do you want to do something tonight?”

She grinned broadly at that. “I would love to. Maybe I can distract you for awhile,” she teased, laughing as we shared another hug.

~oOo~

Later that evening, as we returned to Nicole's house after a dinner date, she smiled, sitting on the living room sofa and pulled me into her lap.

“Sorry I overreacted earlier. Now that I had time to think about it,” Nicole grinned, bringing my hand up and kissing my palm. “I’m really proud of you. I know this is what you’ve wanted for awhile now.”

I blushed softly, lowering my gaze. “Was I that obvious?”

Nicole laughed as she shook her head. “Not obvious. I just know you. You have little tells, like how you talk about not being ready, wanting to be with me when I’m ready and things.” Nicole paused, shaking her head. “The truth is, I think I am ready now.”

“W-what?” I asked, a little shocked. Nicole giggled and pulled me into a hug, kissing my cheek.

“No, don’t take it that way. What I mean is I’ve been thinking a lot about it, and I realized tonight that distancing myself, realizing that those people weren’t my parents... It lets me deal with my issues in a way that I never thought I could. What I’m trying to say is, whenever you’re ready, I will be too. And I will wait for you. Robin, I want you to be my real first.”

I blushed softly, staring at the ground for several seconds. I didn’t know how to respond to that. A soft, subtle warmth filled me though, and I turned to smile at her, finally. “Alice can catch me up on any cheer stuff I miss, and … God it would be so great to be able to shower in the girls’ locker room. I mean there’s so much steam no one would notice anything.” I sighed softly, leaning into her. “But I don’t know. I might regret it later.”

“Robin, honey, do you honestly see what you have as anything but a means to pee?”

I could feel my cheeks burning brightly now. I just had to laugh. “Um, no.”

“Well, there you go. I’m not trying to push you one way or the other though, don’t misunderstand. I just want you to know that I completely support your decision. I support you doing anything that you need to do to feel truly happy.”

“I love you so much,” I whispered, right on the verge of tears. I leaned closer to kiss her, just and she smiled, holding me close.

“I love you too, cutie. Always and forever.”

---

Author's Note:

Next chapter... ~* Girl, Scout *~ :-P Make of that what you will! *giggle*

~* Girl, Scout *~ Mom waited until we had left the school behind before gently asking, “So, how was camp?” “Good,” I answered simply before giggling. “Jenn almost caught her hair on fire, and I got even with Lulubelle.” “What’s a Lulubelle?” Mom asked, trying not to laugh.

“Spirit!” Jennifer cheered warmly as Nicole and I stepped out of Alice’s car. “You brought Nikki too!” she added with a giggle as she raced over to hug us both.

“Yeah, I know it’s just a week, but I felt guilty letting her come back without tagging along too.”

“So how is Sarah?” Jennifer asked softly. We both smiled.

“They’re keeping her sedated while her body heals, but they’re confident she’ll make a full recovery. How are things here? How did the hike go? And the feast?”

“Oh my God it was so amazing. I’m sorry you missed it. At least there’s still the luau next week though. Natalie’s been staying in our cabin to kind of fill the void since you were away.”

“Aw, that’s sweet of her. I’m sure Crystal’s smiling down at her too from … wherever we go,” Nicole giggled. “Anyway, could one of you take my suitcase? I need’a go check in with Meredith so she knows I’m here.”

“Oh, I can take care of that,” Alice replied as she approached us, after retrieving our things from her trunk. “Hope, right?”

“Hope?” Jennifer asked, glancing sidelong at Nicole, who giggled again.

“Yeah. We were talking about what a good camp name would be for me after Alli became Serenity, and you became Mystic. So it kinda flowed, Mystic, Serenity, Spirit, and Hope.”

“Oh, I love it,” Jennifer squealed happily as she hugged us again. “You know what? We should make custom t-shirts over in Arts and Crafts to wear for special occasions, like camp sing-alongs, with our camp names in like a hand-written scrawl,” she began, as we started for our cabin, “And some kind of cool name for our cabin too.”

“Our cabin? Like, The Ladies of Crystal’s Cabin?” I asked. Jennifer shook her head.

“Something like that, but more... Muchness.” She giggled. “Something that defines the four of us, you know?”

“You mean like a band name,” Nicole added, grinning. “Only... You know, not.”

“Exactly!”

“Oh,” Nicole giggled as she nodded. “I’ll give it some thought, and see what I can come up with.”

“Well, I got nothing,” I shrugged, giggling as we entered our cabin. “But like Nik-I mean Hope, I’ll think about it and let you know if I come up with anything,” I added as I set my suitcase down. “We can unpack later. Is there anywhere we’re particularly needed right now?”

“Actually we could use some help cleaning up after the party last night. We mainly just need to carry tables back to the cafeteria,” Jennifer advised.

“You know, I was thinking, maybe next year we should do the luau first session, and this Native American thing second session? That way girls who can only make one won’t miss out,” I offered as we stepped out of our cabin.

“That’s brilliant,” Jennifer answered, smiling brightly as Amanda seemed to appear out of nowhere, racing up to us.

“Spirit!” she squealed happily, throwing her arms around me. I immediately knelt to hug and kiss her forehead.

“Hi sweetheart,” I answered happily.

“Where’d you go? Everyone said you had a sick friend. Are they okay?”

“One of my friends got hurt pretty badly so I had to go home to stay with her for awhile. She’s going to be okay though. Are you having fun?”

“Yes!” she replied happily, “Mystic taught us how to build a fire without matches,” she added, giggling as she looked up at Jennifer.

“But only in a designated area, or with a proper fire pit, and never indoors, right?” Jennifer advised, grinning back at the girl who nodded vigorously.

“Right!” She puffed out her chest, making an odd face, “Only you can prevent forest fires!” she announced proudly before bursting into a giggle. “Well I gotta go. I’ve got arts and crafts next, then swimming after lunch. Will you come watch me swim?”

“Of course sweetheart.” I smiled and kissed her cheek, giving her a warm hug. She giggled happily and hugged my neck before racing off again. Nicole slowly shook her head.

“I swear, I want a little girl JUST like her some day.”

“Some day,” I echoed, smiling lovingly back at her and gave her hand a soft squeeze. “I need to talk to you and Alli tonight, Jen. I need you guys’ advice on a big decision I need to make.”

“Okay,” Jennifer answered softly as she lay her hand on my shoulder. “But remember what the ancient Hawaiians say about rushing into a decision.”

“What’s that?” I asked. We began our walk through the camp, and more than one girl stopped to welcome me back. Apparently the rumor that I had left to check on an injured friend had spread like wildfire in my absence.

She smiled. “Making a difficult decision is like cracking open a coconut. If you hit it just right from all sides, it slides right open. If you hastily smash it against a big boulder, all you get is a sticky boulder.”

“Examine the problem from all angles, choosing where to strike at the decision only after I’m sure, right?” I grinned, rather proud of myself, which caused her to giggle.

“Exactly! But it helps to have friends holding the coconut steady, yeah? We’ll be glad to help.”

Somehow I didn’t feel much like lunch that day. I’d had a big breakfast at Mom and my step-Dad’s that morning, since I knew I’d be returning to camp and wanted to spend some time with them first. Instead I walked back down to the lake.

Before I left, my step-Dad Ash had taught me a couple of new Kata, and with the wide open space along the flat bank, especially after we had returned the borrowed tables from the party previously, I had plenty of room to relax. It helped that since lunch was being served, there weren’t many people around.

I worked my way through the first Kata easily enough. I practiced it at every opportunity when I wasn’t working on other things. As I transitioned to the next Kata though, I faltered a little in my balance. Moving from a strike to a roundhouse kick set me off-balance, but I managed to catch myself without falling, and tried again.

When I practiced Kenpo, I found myself able to focus, as if the rest of the world melted away. It felt kind of like what I’d had meditation described to me as by Sensei Dad once. “Meditation is purity of thought,” he explained. “Your mind is free to focus on anything, or on complete absence of thought.” I didn’t really get it at first. Martial Arts were a way for me to defend myself, but then one day it clicked.

As I completed the part of the Kata that I knew I could actually manage, I knelt, as if praying, and stood to bow to my imaginary partner. Suddenly I heard several pairs of hands clapping behind me, as well as a few cheers. Counselor Davis emerged from the crowd, and already I could feel my cheeks burning.

“I’m sorry,” I tried to apologize as she approached me. “I thought everyone was at lunch so I came down here to practice-”

“Show me,” she instructed simply.

“Um... Show you what?”

“Show me your Kata transition,” she answered, taking a few steps back.

“Um, okay,” I answered and assumed my first Kata. After performing the lead-in strikes, I again attempted to transition to the next Kata, but lost my balance, this time falling flat on my ass. Counselor Davis smiled this time and offered me her hand.

“You’re putting too much weight on your back leg. Try to stand just an inch or so tighter in your stance and you should get it.”

“Y-you study Kenpo?”

She laughed softly. “Mantis Kung Fu and a little Taekwando, but it wasn’t hard to see where you were faltering. How long have you been studying?”

“Oh, um, about a year,” I answered sheepishly. She frowned.

“You’ve been working on that Kata for a year? You can’t be serious.”

I blinked as it sank in what she meant. “Oh! No, I’ve been studying Kenpo for a year. The Kata transition I just learned last night. My step-dad teaches Kenpo back in Alpine Springs. He taught me everything I know.”

“Oh, wow. Okay, well, you move like someone who’s been practicing a lot longer for what it’s worth. I wish I could spar with you some time, but camp rules are pretty strict about contact. I might stop by your dojo some day though. I’d love to meet someone who could train you so well,” she added with a smile as she shook my hand. “Keep up the great work, sweetie. I’m really impressed.”

She turned back to the gathered girls with a kind of smile that I hadn’t really seen from her before. She genuinely seemed happy about something, rather than her usual neutrality. “Okay, ladies, those of you who have canoeing come with me. The rest of you know where you need to be, but if you have questions ask myself or Spirit.”

Most of the girls dispersed, but Amanda’s friends Amber and Denise raced over. “Spirit that was so cool!” Amber bubbled.

“Can you maybe teach us to do that?” Denise added.

“Sorry girls, I’m not qualified to teach. I’m still learning myself, but if you want to talk to your parents about it when camp is over, I’ll answer any questions you guys or your parents have about studying martial arts. It’s really important to know how to protect yourself, plus it’s fun wandering off on your own at lunch, only to find half the camp watching you practice when you turn around,” I teased and winked, causing them to giggle.

“But yeah, it’s a lot of fun, and if you’re at all interested in cheerleading when you get older, it helps SO much with your balance.”

“Cool!” they answered in unison and hugged me, before racing off again.

I giggled under my breath as I walked back up the path. I had a week left, and I wasn’t going to waste it. Allison smiled as she approached me halfway up the main path, wrapping me in a hug as we walked together.

“There you are. How come you weren’t at lunch? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. I had a huge breakfast. I’ll probably eat like a horse tonight for it though.”

Allison laughed and produced an apple that she had been palming just out of sight. “Here. At least eat this. For me?” She smiled as I took it, taking a large bite.

“So are we doing anything crazy this week?”

“Nah. We talked with the other CITs and decided that for now we should keep the big events to one per session. The girls are really excited about carrying on the traditions we’ve started. They’ve got some great ideas about other themes we can do, but it was like, unanimous that one week a year be reserved for the Island Princess vote to honor Crystal.”

I smiled brightly as I hugged Allison. “That’s wonderful! This way she’ll never be forgotten. Maybe other girls can learn from her mistakes, realize that there’s always a better way. Speaking of which I got a call from Andrea the other night.”

“Uh oh?” Allison giggled, but I shook my head.

“No, it’s good news actually. She’s going to try and attend some cheer camps this summer, and get back into cheerleading again. Her friend Tanya’s been coaching her like Jennifer did with me. She has a real shot at varsity next year.”

“Oh wow, that’s great!” Allison squealed happily. “I’m so happy for her. What about her scars though? Won’t that be a problem?”

“Apparently scar removal treatments have come a long way. She’s going to have something like that done next week, and then come visit us while she’s recovering. It kind of works out because I’m probably not going to be doing any cheer camps this summer after all.”

“What? Why not?” Allison frowned softly. “You’re not quitting are you?”

“No, not at all,” I tried to sound reassuring. “It’s part of what I wanted to talk to you about tonight.”

“Oh,” she responded a little more cheerfully. “Well, anyway, I’ve got to get over to First-Aid training. I volunteered to help teach since I don’t really have anywhere else to be. You want to come with?”

“Sure. I love First-Aid. I guess it runs in the family.” We giggled, holding hands as we turned onto the side-path, heading for the clinic to meet with Nurse Bree and our fellow scouts.

Later that night, following dinner, I invited Alice to come to our cabin so we could all talk in private. All the camp staff knew that I was transgendered, but none of them cared, least of all Alice. She was very much like a big sister to us, and treated us all with respect as girls, as equals, despite still technically being campers.

“So, now that we’re all here,” Jennifer smiled at me even as Alice pushed the door closed behind her and approached. I glanced up at her and smiled back.

“I know it’s going to sound paranoid, but, you weren’t followed were you?”

Alice shook her head. “No. It’s just us five. So what did you want to talk about?”

“I have a serious decision to make. It’s one that I’ve been thinking about pretty much since I started living as Robin. It’s been in the back of my mind constantly, and even more since cheer and basketball became part of my life.”

“I can see where this is going,” Alice stood. “Are you really sure you want me here?”

I nodded, reaching up to squeeze her hand. “Yes. I need your input because you might be part of my recovery. If you’re not comfortable hearing this, I understand though.” I smiled reassuringly. I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable.

She shook her head quickly as she sat beside me. “Oh, no, sweetie it’s not that. I’m just surprised you trust me talking about this is all. So how can we help?”

“First of all, I need to know what you guys think I should do. Let me lay it all out for you. My original plan was to just get through high school in one piece. I didn’t ask to be singled out as a possible basketball player. Coach Wilson saw to that. I also didn’t ask to be on the cheer squad. Amy, Jenn, and Coach Greer saw to THAT.”

I paused to giggle a little. “I didn’t ask to be shoved into the public spotlight. To make matters worse, I have to deal with pressure from my teammates who just … don’t understand why I can’t stay with them. They say they don’t care about me having some weird birth defect, but if they knew the truth they sure as hell would care. It’s not just that though. I’m so tired. I’m so tired of hiding, and worrying about someone hitting me the wrong way.”

“Like that one time at cheer practice,” Jennifer added softly. “Robin fell, and another girl tried to catch her. She almost brushed her … you-know.”

“Exactly. I was wearing an athletic support, but even that would’ve given me away.” I sighed, shaking my head softly, nearly in tears. “I just don’t know if I can take another year of this. I’m either going to have to have the surgery, or drop out of basketball and cheer completely.”

Allison stood and approached, bending down to hug me, even as Nicole pulled me closer. “For what it’s worth, I’ve already told her I’ll support whatever decision she makes. There’s a way she can do cheer camps without actually attending the camps though, so she can take it easy this summer after Girl Scout camp is over.” Nicole paused to smile at Alice.

Alice slowly smiled as well. “Oh, I get it now. I could work with you when you’re better, like a personal trainer, right? Robin, I’d love to help. In fact, it’s a lot easier to teach someone the kind of skills we teach at cheer camps working with someone one on one, or one on two, Jennifer,” she added, glancing over at Jennifer with a broad grin.

“I’ve supported you all along,” Allison finally spoke. “Honestly Robin, I watched Kelly grow up happy and normal, but she also didn’t have sports and things either. She didn’t have the kind of pressure you’ve had to endure. My advice? Talk to Kelly and Barbara before you make a decision, but I promise you, as your friend, as your sister, as your fellow scout, as whatever you need me to be, I will support you completely.”

“Then it’s agreed,” Jennifer added, standing and pulling me into a tight hug. “Nothing changes. We’ll continue to support you, to love you, and to do whatever we can to help you through this.” She smiled and kissed my cheek, whispering softly. “We love you, Spirit. If this is what you need to do to be happy, then do so with our blessing and support.”

“Thanks guys,” I managed softly. “I just... I needed to know you would be behind me on this, especially you Alice. You’re going to make this possible for me. I won’t be able to do strenuous stuff for awhile, maybe even a couple of months, so what I lose in cheer camps and preliminary practices, I’ll have to make up for in hard training once my body heals.”

“You sound like you’ve already made your decision,” Jennifer advised. I nodded.

“I had. I made my decision a year ago. It’s just that I’m finally realizing that I can’t put off doing it anymore. Not if I want to enjoy my Junior and Senior years of high school. I’m still going to talk to Kelly and Doctor Ketz about it, but not so they can talk me out of it. I need to know that they support me, that they understand my position and why I’m only speeding things up, not trying to do something rash that I wouldn’t otherwise do.” I paused, resting my head on Jennifer’s shoulder as the closest, most convenient one.

“I want, and I need this. The only thing that’s changed is the timing.”

Everyone stood to hug me, including Alice, before she finally added. “We’re holding another bonfire and sing-along if you girls want to come out. Believe me, I’ll understand if you’d rather stay here awhile and talk, or just do your own thing.

“No way,” I giggled softly, brushing my hands over my eyes. “I keep missing chances to bond with the other girls here. I’m not missing this one.”

“Great!” Alice cheered warmly. “It starts in about thirty minutes, so take some time if you want, then meet down by the bonfire pit like last time.” She smiled and kissed my cheek. “And Robin? Good luck, sweetie. Let me know if Kathy or I can help in any way.”

The last week of camp literally flew by for me. Between the advanced classes, leading two nature hikes, and one overnight with a large group of my fellow CITs including a few girls I hadn’t previously had a chance to get to know, it was exactly the downtime that I needed.

Unfortunately we had reality to return to, so after saying our goodbyes to new friends and old, some of whom wouldn’t be able to make the next session, we loaded onto our buses for Alpine Springs. At least I’d had plenty of time to sort my thoughts about what I wanted to do. I had an appointment with Barbara that afternoon, and it would be time to face it head-on soon.

Mom was waiting in the school parking lot when Allison, Jennifer, Nicole and I stepped off our bus together, still giggling at some awful joke Nicole had told us. After grabbing our things, we raced over to meet her.

“Hi Mom. Just you?” I asked. She smiled as she pulled me into a hug.

“Just me? Well don’t sound so excited sweetheart,” she teased.

“Oh I didn’t mean it like that,” I tried to correct myself, but she just laughed.

“I’m kidding honey. Carol said she wanted to stop for gas before she left so she should be here soon, and I believe Gina-” she started, but cut herself off as the Morgans’ BMW rolled to a stop the next parking spot over.

“Mom?” Nicole asked, surprised, as Gina stepped out dressed uncharacteristically casually, in a t-shirt and shorts. She smiled as she hugged Nicole.

“Hey, it was just ‘Gina’ last year, remember?” She grinned. “This is my first year as a Girl Scout Mom. I didn’t want to miss it.”

Nicole giggled, leaning up to kiss Gina’s cheek. “I missed you too,” she teased. “Hey, can we give Jenn a ride home too?”

“Of course, dear. I thought her house was on the way to Linda’s though?”

Nicole nodded, lowering her voice. “Yeah, um, Robin needs to talk to Linda about some things.”

“Ohh,” Gina answered, almost as if she already knew what it was about. She smiled at me, turning and pressing the trunk button on her car’s electronic keyring, as I tossed my suitcase in the backseat of Mom’s car.

Mom waited until we had left the school behind before gently asking, “So, how was camp?”

“Good,” I answered simply before giggling. “Jenn almost caught her hair on fire, and I got even with Lulubelle.”

“What’s a Lulubelle?” Mom asked, trying not to laugh.

“Lulubelle is that old mare that took me for a wild ride last year,” I answered, fighting a giggle myself now. “Oh don’t worry, I didn’t do anything mean. I just meant that I finally rode the entire nature trail without getting the scenic side-tour into the bushes.”

Mom giggled softly. “I hate horses. I don’t know where you got your love of the beasts, but it definitely wasn’t from me. So what was it you wanted to talk about?”

“Oh, um,” I blushed a little, turning to stare out the window just so I’d have somewhere else to look. “I’ve been doing some thinking, and … I’ve found a way that I can skip cheer camp this year and still make up the lessons. I won’t get the full ‘experience’, but I can do that next summer.”

Mom didn’t answer at first. She seemingly instinctively knew what that meant, and instead reached over to squeeze my shoulder. “I knew this day was coming, but I didn’t expect it this soon. Didn’t you just tell Barbara that you weren’t ready?”

“I thought I wasn’t, but then I talked to Zoey, Sarah’s aunt. Before you ask, no, she didn’t change my mind. It’s just talking with her made me realize how much I hate my body. I absolutely am disgusted with it as I am, and moreso how it makes me feel less like a real girl. It’s kind of driving a wedge between me and my teammates too, and I’m just tired of it. I’m tired of pretending. I want to be real, Mom.”

Mom heaved a gentle sigh as we pulled into the driveway, and unbuckling her seatbelt, she leaned closer and hugged me, kissing my cheek. “You are a real girl, honey, but I can understand your dilemma too. You know your step-dad and I will support you as much as we can.”

“Oh, Mom, no,” I answered, resting my hand gently on her stomach and giggling. “You don’t have to do anything special. You’ve got someone else to worry about right now. I’m going to do this as soon as Barbara approves it, but I have people I can lean on to help me through. Nikki, Margie and Kelly, Carol and Joe.”

Mom smiled as she kissed my forehead. “Whatever happens, with this baby, with life, you will always be my firstborn daughter, and my little girl. Just remember that, okay?” She smiled proudly. “I can’t think of anyone I would rather have be a big sister to the new baby, either. You’re such an amazing girl. I only wish you had introduced yourself sooner.” Mom giggled and sniffled a little, dabbing at her eyes. “Now, come on inside. Your sister has brunch waiting for us.”

Part of me really wanted to dress up for the occasion, visiting Dr. Ketz, but really, even if it was only June it was unseasonably warm that day so I settled for keeping my khaki shorts and CIT t-shirt, though I did put my hair up in a loose bun just to keep it off my shoulders, and traded my sneakers for sandals.

I didn’t drive to New Haven by myself very often, so it was kind of a strange, but oddly serene experience. My mind kept returning to the events at camp, and how people just knew me as Spirit there. I never wanted to be a popular girl. I never wanted to be popular period. I couldn’t explain why people seemed to like me better as Robin. Maybe it was because I liked myself better.

After arriving at Barbara’s office, just a few minutes early, I headed up the elevator and signed myself in. I had no sooner sat down when Zoey appeared in the doorway and smiled, waving. “Hi Robin.”

“Zoey? What are you doing here?” I asked, surprised. She giggled.

“Licensed in four states, remember? But I’m really just here to help with a consultation appointment.”

“Oh, that’s neat. You flew all the way up here?”

Zoey laughed softly. “I would have if Barbara asked it of me. No, I decided to stick around after chatting with Barbara about a patient of hers that I knew might be considering GRS. I’ve already unofficially given my approval, but Barbara likes to do these things by the book.”

“Unless there’s someone already in there talking to her, it’s me, isn’t it?” I asked. She grinned.

“You guessed it. Actually I wasn’t sure what decision you’d made so I just told Barbara I’d make myself available in case you did decide to go through with it.”

“Yeah, I’ve made my decision. I’d like you to be there when I talk to her, if that’s all right? I want you to be able to reassure her that you didn’t talk me into anything.”

“If anything, I tried to talk you out of it,” Zoey answered with a sheepish smile. “It’s not a magic bullet that solves all your problems. It just trades one set of circumstances for another. But for me, it was the choice between living my life, or living in a constant state of self-hatred.”

As if on cue, Barbara appeared in the opposite doorway leading back to her private office. She smiled at the two of us as she approached. Zoey stood to hug her. “Hi ‘Aunt’ Bar,” she offered warmly.

“Hello Zoey dear. How was your trip?”

“Oh, you know me. I love trains. Spent the night with Ashleigh last night after a romantic dinner and dancing before I caught the morning train. I only just got into town a bit ago.” She paused to glance at me as I stood and hugged the both of them.

“Dr. Ketz, is it all right if Zoey sits in on the whole session? It’s really important for me to have her there because of what I need to say.”

Barbara glanced at Zoey, who simply offered her a sheepish smile in return. “Well, I don’t have a problem with it if you don’t Zoey,” she answered with a hint of warmth in her otherwise neutral tone, leading us back where I quickly found my way to the familiar overstuffed sofa. A second chair had been set up close to Barbara’s, but the way they were arranged, it looked like it belonged there.

“Now then,” Barbara began as the two therapists sat down. “I understand you’ve had a big decision on your mind lately. Do you want to talk about that?”

“I spent a lot of time at camp thinking about this. Barbara, I talked to Zoey last week at the hospital, and a lot of things just kind of rolled out that kind of frightened me. I was upset, and talking to Sarah as she lay unconscious in that bed, and... I realized I was hiding things from you, and from myself.”

I went on to explain without pause, without giving either woman a chance to stop me, to tell me I was misguided or wrong, exactly how I felt, and why I realized that the power behind the words, behind what I ended up telling Zoey frightened me so much. I had realized that I buried a lot of my self-hatred behind school activities, pushing myself to be the ‘best’ girl I could be so no one would ever suspect otherwise. I talked about the outside pressure, and how I was just so tired of hiding who I was.

“I talked to our CIT organizer, Alice, who also happens to be a collegiate cheerleader and an instructor at several cheer camps. She agreed to coach me one-on-one later this summer, before school starts back, instead of me going to cheer camp. It’s all falling into place. I just need you to give me permission to do it. I can’t take another year of this.” I finally concluded, and burst into tears.

“If I don’t get it done, I’m going to quit basketball and cheerleading because I can’t handle another year of lying to my teammates, of having to segregate myself from them, of not feeling... like a normal girl.”

Zoey moved to hug me as Barbara offered me a fresh box of tissues.

“Well, it certainly seems like you’ve thought about this a lot. I’ve always said that I will only give my consent for GRS if my patients can’t live to their fullest without it, and I believe you when you say you’ll quit school activities if you don’t have the surgery.”

“So do I,” Zoey added. “That’s why,” she continued, as Barbara lifted a neatly folded piece of paper from under her notepad, handing it to me. “We’ve agreed that this is in your best interest. I’ve already spoken with Ashleigh, and as soon as you’re ready we can schedule you a consultation with the best plastic surgeon in the U.S. Just do us a favor and find out if your insurance will cover any of it. The Foundation will step in and help with what we can.”

“Thank you Zoey,” I answered as I hugged her, still crying. At least now they were tears of joy though. “I want to at least return to camp for the Island Princess competition and luau. I owe a friend that much, but after that I’ll be ready. Give me a week?”
“That soon?” Zoey asked, surprised, but I nodded without hesitation. “If your doctor can see me that soon, then yes. Absolutely.”

She smiled and nodded. “Then I’ll see what I can do. Barbara, I’ll be in touch dear.”

“Give Ashleigh my regards as well,” Barbara answered as Zoey stood. She turned to smile at me. “Well, we still have forty-five minutes left. So how was camp this year?”

“It was amazing. It was absolutely magical.”

~* You Want Us to What? *~ The three of us turned back to face her as she jogged closer. “There’s been a change of plans this year. Where’s Mystic?” she asked, looking around for Jennifer. “She’s talking with Faith - one of our new friends’ cousins visiting from out of state. She shouldn’t be long. What’s wrong?” Alice beamed, shaking her head. “Nothing’s wrong. We - that is, Director Meredith and the counselors have been talking about you four girls. We’re concerned that you’re not going to be challenged enough by the standard CIT curriculum since two of you have been through it twice already.”

---

“Truth or dare,” Sarah stated with a smug grin as she stared up at me from beside the Jones’ sofa. Katelyn tried to keep a straight face, but that look just made me laugh.

“After you made your own girlfriend drink pickle juice? I’ll take truth for a thousand, Alex.”

She cackled, then nodded back at me. “Okay, I’ve got a deep one this time. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?”

Everyone - Jennifer, Allison, Nicole, Rachel, Natalie, and Katelyn all stared silently back at me. Rachel and Natalie weren’t in on ‘the big secret’, but even if they were, I wouldn’t have changed my answer. I smiled as I pulled Nicole into a hug.

“Hmm. Well, I’d have to say, I’d get a cat.” I almost laughed. It was like the room itself let out a relieved sigh. “I just stay so busy that I wouldn’t have the time to devote to it.”

“Well, you know you’re going to have a lot of time on your hands soon,” Jennifer advised.

“And my neighbor’s cat just had kittens awhile ago. They gave most of them away, but they have one left,” Rachel added with a giggle.

“I’ll think about it,” I answered, turning my attention to Allison. “So, truth or dare?”

“Truth,” Allison answered without hesitation. “It’s the quiet ones who always come up with the most devious dares!” she teased, giggling.

“Coward,” Nicole shot back, playfully elbowing her ribs.

“Who was your first crush?”

For some reason I just couldn’t sleep in the next morning. The only clock downstairs, a black-faced model with high-polished brass fixtures, appeared to have run down its battery a few nights before, so I had no idea it was only five thirty until I tip-toed my way past my sleeping friends and up to the kitchen where Carol and Joe sat enjoying their morning coffee. Joe smiled as he raised his mug at my approach, causing Carol to look up.

“Morning Robin,” Joe spoke first.

“Hi guys,” I answered sleepily. “I just couldn’t seem to sleep. Guess I’m just excited about getting back to camp.”

“There’s fresh coffee in the coffee pot,” he advised, but then added, “Kelly told us about your decision.”

I stopped halfway to the coffeemaker and turned back nervously. Carol giggled a little as she stood, approaching me and wrapping me in a hug.

“We just want you to know that we’re here for you, should you need anything. We’ve already been through this with Kelly, remember?”

“Plus with Mom expecting, I really don’t want to put any more burden on her either,” I added. “I’ll probably be in the hospital recovering awhile, but I won’t know all the details until after I talk with a doctor. After that, I figured I’d stay at Margie’s for a little while.”

“What’re we talking about?” Allison mumbled sleepily as she appeared in the doorway.

“My recovery plans,” I answered as I glanced back at her with a smile, before finally going to get my coffee. “Ally, want some?”

“Yes, please,” she moaned. “It’s tooooo early. By the way, I know you’re going to want me to stay at camp when you leave to do your consultations and stuff,” she paused as I handed her a freshly poured cup. “Thanks. Anyway, I want you to know that I’m going to be by your side every step of the way after that.”

“Aw, Ally, thank you,” I answered and carefully hugged her. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to. I’ve been with you through everything else, from creepy stalkers to psycho ex-girlfriends.” She paused to giggle. “We’re practically sisters, and I want to help you through this, if you’ll let me?”

I leaned up to kiss her cheek. “You’re my best friend. Of course I want you by my side. I just don’t want to bring anyone else down with me, you know? You’ve got Josh, and basketball camp, and-”

She pressed her fingers lightly against my lips and laughed. “And my own life, I know. But Robin, you’re part of that life. Heck, if it wasn’t for you I never would’ve met Josh, or tried out for basketball. You don’t have to shoulder the world by yourself. You never did.” She grinned, and we both laughed.

“I love you, Ally. I’m sorry if it felt like I was pushing you away. You’re right though. I’ve been trying to do this all on my own, when I’ve had good friends to help me through all along.”

“Exactly. Speaking of helping, let’s help Mom get breakfast going. Were you serious about wanting a cat last night?” she added with a giggle.

“Absolutely. I love cats, but I was always afraid something might happen if I got one. I know, super-pessimist.”

“I can’t believe you were ever a pessimist,” she teased.

“Faith, can I talk to you for a second?” Jennifer asked as we left the parking lot behind. I picked up her bag, walking with Allison and Nicole down a familiar path to our old cabin. Halfway there, I heard Alice calling.

“Spirit, hey! Hold up a second!”

The three of us turned back to face her as she jogged closer. “There’s been a change of plans this year. Where’s Mystic?” she asked, looking around for Jennifer.

“She’s talking with Faith - one of our new friends’ cousin visiting from out of state. She shouldn’t be long. What’s wrong?”

Alice beamed, shaking her head. “Nothing’s wrong. We - that is, Director Meredith and the counselors, have been talking about you four girls. We’re concerned that you’re not going to be challenged enough by the standard CIT curriculum since two of you have been through it twice already.”

Jennifer smiled brightly as she approached, completely soaked from head to toe, as though she’d gone for a swim before rejoining us. “You’re not kicking us out of the CIT program are you?” she teased, giggling in a bubbly way that I hadn’t heard out of her in awhile.

Alice laughed. “Oh, God no. It’s kind of the opposite, actually. We want to give you more responsibility. We’re a little shorthanded this session. Would you four be interested in becoming full-fledged volunteer counselors? It wouldn’t be much more work than what you already do as CITs, and your camp fee would be completely refunded.”

We all looked at each other slowly, a little uncertain. Allison spoke up first. “But we’re still technically considered minors, aren’t we?”

“Well, you’re all sixteen or seventeen right?” Alice asked. We all nodded. “Close enough. If there’s a problem you can’t handle, you can still come to me or Meredith, or any of the other counselors, but for all intents and purposes, you four will be recognized as staff for this session.”

“So do we each get our own cabin?” Jennifer asked curiously. Alice nodded. “You and Allison will be taking Counselor Dunham’s girls. Robin, you and Nikki can help them wrangle the girls when you’re not doing other things if you’d like.” She paused to smile at me. “Since you’ll only be with us for this week I worked with Meredith to coordinate everyone’s duties so that when you leave we’ll be able to cover you without any problem.”

“Thanks Alice,” I answered, and hugged her. “I can stay if you need me. Where’s Counselor Dunham, though? Is everything okay?”

“She was in a minor car accident,” Alice answered with a half-frown, quickly adding, “Don’t worry, she’s mostly okay. She has a hairline fracture in her arm so the doctors have ordered her to take it easy for awhile. That means we’ll need someone else to teach the riding classes though.”

“We can all help that. I’ve been riding horses all my life, and I know you three can ride pretty well too.”

“Excellent!” Alice cheered. “I’ll let Mer know. You’ll find your new staff t-shirts waiting for you in your cabin, by the way,” she added with a grin. “I knew you’d say yes, so I took the liberty of leaving them for you. You’ll also find your regulation clipboards and whistles. Welcome to the GSC Staff, ladies.”

“Hey, what about Rachel and Natalie?” Allison asked.

Alice nodded. “I’m just about to go track them down as well. I actually assumed they’d be with you.”

“I passed them on my way from the lake. They were checking in on some of Natalie’s old bunkmates,” Jennifer answered warmly. “Cabin three I think. But they’ll probably be at our cabin if they’re not there.”

“Thanks Jen,” Alice answered cheerily as she raced off.

“Counselor Spirit,” Nicole giggled. “S’got a nice ring to it.”

“Counselor Cola?” Allison added and started to laugh too as Nicole stuck out her tongue.

“That’s HOPE to you, missy!” she teased. “I guess that means we’d better hurry up and get changed though. The big pow wow at the pavilion’s in thirty minutes, and staff are always there way beforehand.”

I nodded as I grabbed my bag again, handing Jennifer’s off to her. “I need to give Nurse Bri my medicine too. I’ll head over there after we change then meet you at the pavilion.”

“Hey, Jen?” Nicole asked casually. “How come you’re soaking wet? Faith didn’t shove you in the lake did she?” she teased, grinning almost impishly.

Jennifer laughed. “Oh, no, nothing like that. I just really needed to clear my head, so I went for a quick swim. I feel so much better now though.”

“That must’ve been one hell of a swim,” Allison giggled. “I haven’t seen you smile like that in awhile.”

“Oh, trust me, it was,” she answered simply. “So not to change the subject, but we need to start thinking about Halloween; if we’re going to top the party last year we need to start planning now.”

“I’m sorry we had to spring this on you like this, ladies,” Meredith began as we gathered at the camp’s central rise pavilion. “We knew about Counselor Dunham’s accident, but we weren’t expecting the other no-show - family emergency it seems. We should be okay in a few days if you decide you want to go back to being regular CITs, but the camp fee refund stands either way. It’s the least I can do for what you’re doing for us.”

“We’re glad to help,” Jennifer answered as the rest of us nodded. Natalie smiled softly to herself as she quietly nodded her agreement as well.

“If you’re still planning to host the camp luau again this year, since you came by bus, you’re welcome to borrow my car should you need it.”

“And my boyfriend owns a three-quarter ton truck,” Alice added warmly. “I can have him down here in no time if you need anything heavy moved.”

“I took inventory on decorations in storage just before the last session ended,” Allison added. “It looks like most everything we need is still in excellent condition. All we’ll really need to go back to town for are the recyclable plates and stuff.”

“And flowers for leis,” I answered. “I’d like to do the ceremony for Crystal again this year - if that’s alright with you I mean, Director Meredith.”

Meredith smiled as she nodded. “Of course. and please, you’re staff now. You can call me Mer.”

“I’d like to be out on the lake with you,” Natalie added. “I should’ve been with you last year, but I was too busy being a petty idiot.”

I smiled as I reached over to squeeze her hand. “You were grieving. I never blamed you; you know that.”

“Hey, are we early?” Sarah asked as she approached, with Faith not far behind her. Sarah smiled cheerfully as Jennifer shook her head, waving them over.

“Nah. We’re just waiting for everyone to get here so we can make the big announcements.” She paused, motioning to her shirt. Sarah’s eyes widened.

“Oh my God. You’re staff now?! That’s so cool!” she squealed happily.

“Congratulations,” Faith added as she stepped closer. Her eyes seemed to shimmer a beautiful light blue in the morning light. “I can’t think of anyone more deserving, from what Sarah has told me I mean,” she quickly added.

“So how are you guys liking the camp so far?” Allison asked.

Sarah and Faith both giggled, answering in unison. “It’s great!”

They paused, looked at each other, and giggled more as Sarah added, “In a way this is all so new to me. I mean, I was a diamondback for years back home, but this camp is HUGE! I feel like I could spend hours exploring and still not see everything.”

Meredith chuckled. “Well don’t hesitate to ask if you need directions. We try to keep the major trails clearly marked, but even I got lost a time or two when I first started.” She paused, and stood as more girls began to arrive. “Looks like a few more early-birds are arriving. I’ll be back in a moment, ladies. I have some release forms I need each of you to sign stating that you’re here voluntarily, that sort of thing. You can look over them in your spare time, as long as you get them back to me by the end of the session.”

“Hey, Spirit,” one of the girls called, and gasped as I turned to face her. “You’re a counselor now?! COOL!”

I could already see what kind of session this was going to be.

That afternoon, Nicole and I walked together down to the stables. We spent most of the walk in serene silence, but as we drew nearer, we saw Counselor Dunham’s truck parked beside the stables with a horse trailer hitched to it. We looked at each other, and raced down to see what was going on.

Counselor Dunham smiled as she stepped out of the stables. Her left arm was in a cast, but she raised her right hand to tip her white Stetson hat to us, and smiled. “Hey girls. I heard you’d be my replacement hands when it came time for riding instruction.”

“Didn’t the doctor tell you to take it easy?” Nicole teased. She laughed.

“Doctors! Bah. It’s nothing! Really it doesn’t even hurt that much. I’m not even taking those painkillers they gave me. I can’t really stay though. I’m just here to drop off the last of the horses. They’ve already been brushed down so you just need to saddle them up.”

Nicole grinned. “Sugar cube stash is in the usual place, right?”

Counselor Dunham laughed. “In the old coffee tin back at the back. Just remember not to overdo it. You might be able to sneak some carrots from the chow hall for Lulubelle. She likes peppermints too.”

“Peppermints?” I echoed, trying not to giggle.

“You’d be surprised what some horses have a taste for. Oh that reminds me, you’re going to want to let Lulubelle run around the pen here a little while once you bring her out. She’s been in the stable for a couple of days, so she’s going to be a little hyperactive. We don’t want a repeat of last year,” she added with a wink, grinning at me.

“No problem,” Nicole answered warmly. “I’ll let her out now then give her a treat once she’s gotten it out of her system.”

For an older mare, that horse had a lot of pent up energy. She spent the better part of twenty minutes bucking and racing laps around the small corral, and playing with some of the younger horses. Nicole and I just watched from a safe distance, letting them work off the excess energy as the girls started trickling over for their lesson. They all looked a bit nervous, but Nicole smiled over at them.

“They’re just playing. Counselor Dunham said they were in the stables for a couple of days, so they got a little bored.” She giggled, hopping over the fence and approaching one of the younger reddish brown horses. “Easy now,” she cooed, patting its neck lightly. The horse nuzzled into her, pushing her back a bit and causing her to laugh.

“That’s a good boy. Let’s get you saddled up. Spirit, Lu’s all yours.”

“Gee, thanks,” I teased. It seemed my lot in life to deal with that wiley old mare. I think the horse found it as funny as I did, as when I approached, she turned and stuck out her neck expectantly. “You’re waiting for a treat aren’t you?” I asked, causing the girls to giggle. I reached into my pocket, producing a small sugar cube that I set on the fence post. The horse happily snatched it up.

“You can pet her if you want, to let her get to know you.”

“Wow. She’s really pretty up-close,” one of the younger girls gasped. I giggled.

“She’s beautiful, and usually very gentle with new riders. I’ll get her saddled up, and then we can start the lesson. You guys can follow us into the stables if you’d like. Just um,” I paused, nodding toward a small meadow muffin that had been drying in the sun not far from where I stood. “Watch your step.”

By the time the big bonfire event that night welcoming new campers had ended, I had practically no energy left. I groaned lightly as I leaned against the wall just inside our cabin. Rachel giggled from her bunk. “That rough?”

“I’ve got aches in places I didn’t know I had. Horse riding lessons, swim lessons, and canoe safety in one day. Tomorrow I’ve got first-aid and CPR cert in the morning.”

“At least the afternoon will be easy,” she advised. “Shopping for party supplies and meeting with the caterers, I think?”

“And getting fitted for our dresses,” I added. “That means you too. Jen’s going to teach you and Natalie how to hula so you can help us teach others, so you’ll need a proper Hawaiian dress.”

“What about whatnow?” Natalie asked as she emerged from the bathroom and giggled. Rachel laughed, throwing a pillow at her, and Nicole, Allison, and Jennifer stumbled through the door, heading for their respective bunks as I laid back on my bed with my arms under my head.

“Sarah’s a natural out on the lake, you know. I swear that girl could teach me a thing or two.”

Nicole laughed. “Yeah, I saw. I think she beat Ally’s record.”

“Only by a few seconds,” Allison joked. “I’d love to challenge her to a proper race. It’d be fun! Maybe in a couple of days, after things settle down a bit I’ll see if she’s up for it.”

“Just let me know first,” I asked. “I don’t want to miss that for anything.”

“Totally,” Allison giggled as she lay back on her bed. She rolled over onto her side, staring over at me. “So how are you and Nikki holding up?”

“Huh?” we asked in unison, causing her to giggle.

“It’s been a day and I already miss Josh. I can’t imagine not being able to even act like you’re dating is any better. I feel so bad for you guys.”

Nicole smiled at me, then back at Allison. “It’s sweet of you to say that, but I think I speak for both of us when I say we’re okay. It’s not like last year when we were trying to pretend we didn’t have feelings for each other constantly. Now we know how each other feels, and that’s enough for us.”

“Besides, these girls are really important to both of us. Neither of us would do anything to ever make any one of them feel uncomfortable, and if that means keeping the PDAs low key for a week, that’s fine.” I paused to yawn. “Sorry, I’m dead tired.”

Allison giggled. “Get some sleep. We’ve got another big day tomorrow. And the day after that.”

“And the day after THAT,” Nicole teased. “‘night guys.” She hopped off her bunk, racing over to hug me. “G’night cutie,” she giggled, turning to return to her bed.

“Sweet dreams, vampire,” I laughed.

---

Author's Note:
My apologies for the front-page clutter of having two chapters of Robin up in such rapid succession, but as you know, tomorrow's an important day for me. :-) I won't be around for a few days, maybe up to a week depending on how much I hit the pain pills (though last time, I replaced the Tylenol 3 with Ibuprofen after a day, so... *giggle*)

I wanted to dedicate this chapter though, to the love of my life for always being there to remind me who I am. I've been struggling with some things for awhile, which was a big part of my writer's block, and today she single-handedly brought me back to reality and reminded me that it's what's in our hearts that counts.

I love you, Ashleigh. You're my best friend, my spiritual advisor, and my SO all in one. ♥

Love,
Zoe

~* Aloha Means I Love You *~ “Uh oh,” Allison laughed. “Your aunt’s Cynthia Dunham?” “Yeah, on my mom’s side. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I’ve heard a lot of wild stories about other people too,” she added with a grin. “Like the time that Crystal girl accidentally knocked a snake silly with her canoe.” Natalie practically cackled. “Oh my God, I forgot about that. She felt SO guilty. The snake was okay though. I’m just glad it didn’t crawl into our boat!”

“So how are we doing the Island Princess vote this year anyway?” Natalie asked as we entered Margie’s clothing shop, ‘Touch of Style’.

“Probably an informal vote,” Allison answered. “We’re already taking nominations. As organizers and staff, we’re pretty much disqualified from voting or being nominated,” she continued as Margie approached.

“Hey you,” she cheered as I rushed over to hug her.

“Hey!” I bubbled. “Sorry we’re late. We went a little overboard on the flowers this year.”

Margie laughed and shook her head. “It’s fine. I needed to touch base with my art team anyway.”

“Art team?” Rachel and Natalie asked in unison. Margie grinned, turning to me.

“Can I trust them?”

“Absolutely,” I answered. “But it’s up to you if you want to tell them. I’m not sure if they’re as big comic book geeks as Nikki and I.”

Margie motioned for us to follow. “I’ve been working on the story board in my spare time, but it’s still pretty rough. I’m working with an unknown of a clothing designer, trying to help her break into the business. I don’t know if selling her stuff here will count for much, but it’s better than nothing. But with designing a window display I haven’t had time to sketch as much as I’d like.”

“Oh, she did the stuff in the window?” Nicole asked. “It looks really good. Not really my style, but I could see a twenty-something wearing it.”

“That’s the target audience,” Margie answered. “Good eye,” she added, and then, reaching behind her desk, produced five large pieces of posterboard. The first one depicted a large office building on fire, and a narrator’s speech bubble, talking about the unbelievable turn of events at the end of the Aria Blade run. In the next panel, a silhouette vaguely reminiscent of Raven Wing had been added to the scene, dashing bravely into the building as the narrator noted Raven Wing’s redemption.

“Shadowcraft right?” Natalie asked. “My brother loves comic books. I never could get into them, but still, this is so cool. I never knew you were a comic book artist!”

“I never set out to be the semi-anonymous author behind the Shadowcraft series,” Margie explained with a giggle as she set the panels aside. “It just sort of happened. Internet rumors started about who it could be, and my last publisher was just as content to keep it under wraps since when I started, they didn’t want anyone to know for fear it would damage their reputations.”

“And now they’re paying for it,” Allison mused. “Serves ‘em right.”

“They were furious when I didn’t renew my contract, but their hands are tied,” Margie added as she picked up a cloth measuring tape. “Anyway, let’s see about getting you girls something to wear. Floral prints are big this year.”

I couldn’t remember it ever raining during camp week. It started with just a few drops here and there, but by the time we reached camp we couldn’t see three feet in front of us. At least I wasn’t driving; I was enough of a nervous wreck sitting in the front passenger seat.

“COLD!” Allison squealed as she barreled out of the sliding door of Alice’s van.

“Run for the main office!” Rachel shouted, chased quickly by a clap of thunder, and a chorus of terrified squeals as we raced down the path.

The sting of the massive drops turned over to small hail as we ducked under the covered entry to the administrative lodge. A couple of other girls had gotten stranded in the administrative lodge as well, practically cheering as we raced inside, closing the door behind us.

“Thank God, someone in charge,” an older girl I didn’t really know sighed with relief, motioning to the small gathering of younger girls. “I was helping these three find the Arts and Crafts pavilion when the rain started. We’ve been waiting here for it to stop ever since.”

Jennifer nodded. “Good idea. It’s started to hail out-” she paused as a flash of lightning outside the near window sent us all scurrying for the main sitting room area. “Where’s Director Meredith?”

“No idea,” the as yet unnamed girl responded. “... You’re Spirit, right?” she asked hesitantly, looking at me. I nodded, causing her to chuckle. “Thought so. My aunt talked me into coming this year. It figures she’d get hurt and not be able to make it. I’m Denise, and I’ve heard a lot of wild stories about you guys,” she added with a giggle.

“Uh oh,” Allison laughed. “Your aunt’s Cynthia Dunham?”

“Yeah, on my mom’s side. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I’ve heard a lot of wild stories about other people too,” she added with a grin. “Like the time that Crystal girl accidentally knocked a snake silly with her canoe.”

Natalie practically cackled. “Oh my God, I forgot about that. She felt SO guilty. The snake was okay though. I’m just glad it didn’t crawl into our boat!”

The younger girls seemed to relax and even join in the laughter as we gathered around on the sofas and chairs and swapped stories, as much to take our own minds off the storm as to make them feel more at-ease.

The more I thought about it though, the more I realized this was probably the first time Natalie had ever really opened up and talked about Crystal. I enjoyed hearing more about her. It made her more real, less a face on the wall.

“I don’t usually talk about Crystal very much,” Natalie finally admitted, “But I think about her all the time. I really miss her.” She smiled though, pulling Jennifer and Rachel into a hug, as they were sitting on either side of her on one of the sofas. She giggled. “But if it wasn’t for Spirit and these guys, I never would’ve made peace with her passing, either.”

“You know,” Jennifer began, “They say that as long as you keep a person’s memory alive, they’re never truly gone. Crystal’s become a part of camp mythos now, and in a good way, so really, she’ll always live on in the hearts and memories of future girl scouts.”

Suddenly the front door flung open, and Meredith rushed inside, panting heavily as she stepped into the sitting area. “Oh, good, you’re all safe! I got caught out by the lake when the storm hit. When the hail let up I started going around, making sure everyone was accounted for.”

“Is everyone else okay?” I asked. She nodded.

“Other than one poor girl with some minor bruising from trying to save her canoe,” she admitted with a wry smile, “But to her credit she got it to safety.”

“Sarah,” I immediately answered. She laughed.

“She’s nothing if not dedicated. It looks like the worst of it is over, but you’re all welcome to stay here until it’s passed. I have a few spare umbrellas if you change your minds though.”

After a couple of days, we really fell into a stride with our counselor duties, to the point that by Wednesday evening, we actually had some free time to sit around and unwind. We stayed in the camp mess hall, chatting quietly and watching the kitchen staff clean up. I started to feel guilty though, watching them do all the work, and I was bored stiff, so I approached one of the ladies wiping down a table.

“Can I help?” I asked.

Before she could answer, Nicole called over, “Hey, no fair! You didn’t ask if we wanted to help too!” she teased. The others giggled and hopped up from our table, as the poor woman looked overwhelmed from one of us to the next, then laughed.

“Well I know you’re considered staff now, but you don’t need to feel obligated to help us out here.”

“I - we - insist,” I corrected myself. “Really, this’ the first time we’ve had a lot of free time, and it just feels wrong not doing anything. I’m so bored,” I added. She grinned.

“Well in that case, dears, grab a dish cloth and start wiping down tables. When you’re done with that you can help me scrub down the kitchen, mop the floors, and take out the trash.”

Rachel giggled, playfully elbowing me.

“What?” I asked, trying not to laugh.

“Notta thang,” she teased, causing Nicole to crack up laughing now.

It only took us about an hour to completely clean the whole dining hall and kitchen, working alongside the kitchen staff. The trash remained to be dealt with, but they told us not to worry about it due to sanitary safety regulations that had to be followed, so after we washed our hands and returned our borrowed aprons, we started back for our cabins when a strange sound on the wind caught my attention.

It sounded vaguely like a bagpipe, but without the drones. Jennifer noticed it too, judging by how she seemed to be straining to listen.

“Do you guys hear that too?” she asked. “Sounds like a practice chanter.”

“A what-what?” Allison asked. Jennifer giggled.

“A practice chanter. Bagpipe players use them to practice when they can’t carry a full bagpipe set with them somewhere, or when they just don’t want the full pipe sound.” She paused as we all stared back at her, and giggled. “Don’t look at me like that! I love cultural history, remember? Anyway, I think it’s coming from this direction. Let’s go see who’s playing!”

“It’s kind of nice,” I admitted as we followed the sound. “I mean, I’ve never been a fan of world music, but this is kinda cool.”

We followed the sound down to the lake where, in the late evening sun, we could just barely make out a figure sitting on the bank, slightly hunched, but definitely one of the girls. As we stepped closer, we could more clearly see that it was Elaine, the mousy writer and coaches’ assistant. She had really been letting her hair grow this past year. Her golden hair had a certain wave to it as it lay loose on her shoulders.

She suddenly stopped, looking back over her shoulder at us like a deer caught in headlights.

“I’m sorry!” she exclaimed as she shot up. “I didn’t think anybody’d hear way out here. I’ll stop.”

“No, wait,” Allison quickly shook her head. “Don’t stop. We were just wondering where that pretty music was coming from.”

“... Pretty?” Elaine echoed, looking a little confused. “Well, I mean, I like it, but my cat runs for the hills for days at a time when she hears me tuning the drones.”

Nicole giggled. “I love all kinds of music, and even Robin likes it, and we’re still indoctrinating - err, I mean, broadening her musical horizons.” She giggled Elaine smiled, even as her cheeks turned several shades redder.

“It’s weird. Whenever I’m playing, it’s like I turn into a different person - a person who’s not scared of her own shadow, or constantly self-conscious about her weight. It lets me be free for awhile, if that makes any sense at all.”

“It makes perfect sense,” Allison answered with a smile. “For me music is all about relaxing and enjoying it, just, you know, having fun. Hey, you know, I brought my travel guitar with me. Do you want to play along a couple of songs with me at the bonfire later tonight?”

Elaine blinked several times, parting her lips to speak, but hesitating. “B-but it’s just a practice chanter, plus the tuning’s going to be off, and I don’t think anyone really wants to hear me squawk and squeak to Kum-ba-ya,” she rambled. Nicole giggled.

“Well, I’m pretty sure Ally brought her capo so between the three of us we can figure out the tuning beforehand, and find something that sounds nice.”

“Plus I do know a couple of traditional songs,” Allison added with a giggle. “Loch Lommond, MacPherson’s Rant; you know, the popular stuff. They were great for learning chords and strum patterns before I started getting into learning rock and metal riffs.”

Elaine bit her lip. “I dunno guys. I really don’t think everyone else is going to want to hear this.”

“One song,” Allison begged. “Please?”

She sighed, defeated. “Okay. ONE song, but I swear if I get laughed out of camp-”

“You won’t!” Jennifer insisted. “Remember when Robin first came here, how everyone was all ‘Cali girl OMG’ on her? This camp is the most exposure to non-surburban boredom most of these girls have ever seen. Trust me.”

Jennifer’s prediction turned out to be quite accurate. If anyone had any complaints, they hid them amazingly well because more than a few applauded at the end of “Loch Lommond”. I’d never even heard the full song, myself, so it was a nice treat for me as well. Of course, it’s always nice to hear Jennifer sing.

“That was so cool,” I overheard one girl whispering not far behind me, and the other giggle back.

“Yeah. I thought bagpipe music was just noise. Guess I just never heard a good player.”

I giggled to myself as Elaine stood and approached to sit beside me. “What?”

“Nothing,” I answered with a smile. “That was great.”

“No, really. Your opinion means a lot to me. What was so funny?”

“Not haha funny, really. I heard someone whispering behind me just before you sat down, saying they thought they must’ve just never heard a good player before because they really liked that.”

Her cheeks turned bright red again, and she smiled. “Um, wow. Someone really said that?”

I nodded. “I wouldn’t lie to you, especially about something like that.” She giggled, and I had to smile. “See? It’s giggle-worthy!”

“Before I left, my dad made a crass comment about me bringing my practice chanter with me this session.” She sighed. “He’s never supported my music because I didn’t choose something “normal” like the piccolo.” She grunted then sighed. “He’s a good man, don’t get me wrong. It’s just frustrating. I thought moms were the passive-aggressive ones.” She paused, biting her lip. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to just dump that on you.”

I shook my head as I pulled her into a hug. “Don’t apologize. I consider you a friend anyway, but even if I didn’t you know I’m always happy to listen.”

She smiled brightly at that. “Thanks. And thank you,” she added as she looked over at Allison, who had been watching us the whole time. “For talking me into playing tonight. I really had fun.”

“Hey, you’re welcome to come jam in my garage anytime. We pretty much own the culdasac - me, Robin’s sister and Sarah. There’s one empty house just at the corner too, but behind us is forest and field, so nobody complains about the music.”

Her eyes lit up. “Wow, really? That would be great! I don’t know how my pipes would sound accompanying you guys though,” she added, shaking her head.

Nicole giggled as she leaned forward to glance over at Elaine. “What, you’ve never heard of Dropkick Murphys, or Nightwish, for that matter. Plus I have it on authority that Heedless Despair might be re-releasing their single for Lady in White with a bagpipe theme.”

“Wow,” Elaine answered quietly. “I guess you’ve got a point. Just um, let me know what kinds of songs you guys like to play together, and I’ll start looking for sheet music I can adapt when I get back home.”

“I can ask Katelyn to help if you want,” I added. “She mentioned once she has entire hard drives dedicated to sheet music. I’m sure she’d be happy to print off anything you’d want.”

“Oh, wow. That’d be great!”

“So, ready for an encore?” Allison asked. Elaine grinned and nodded.

The rest of the week really passed us by quickly. We spent our free time Thursday and Friday setting up for the luau, meeting with the caterers to help them get the food in-place, and setting up our torches and decorations. Like last year, the younger girls were more than happy to volunteer to make leis for everyone. We decided, in order to make the voting even more fair, that we would ask the other counselors to tally votes for the Island Princess rather than doing it ourselves.

That had the benefit of getting the staff in on the fun, too, and gave us more time to prepare and take care of our other duties. As a result though, none of us knew who it would be, other than that it wouldn’t be one of us, as we had already decided early in the week.

That night, the six of us gathered on the banks of the lake. I in my purple strapless dress with white flower designs, and a white flower in my hair, Jennifer and Allison in pale pink and dark navy, Nicole and Rachel in a deep golden yellow and vibrant green, and Natalie in bright red. We went over the ceremony one last time before the others left Natalie and me standing by our canoes. Natalie sighed nervously.

“You okay?” I asked. She nodded.

“Yeah. It’s just … I’ve never done anything like this before. I guess you could call it stage fright.”

“Ohh. Try yawning.”

“Wha?”

“Seriously. At cheer nationals, I was so nervous I almost got sick all over the bathroom floor. One of the girls from another school told me how yawning relaxes you. It sounds crazy, but it really does work.”

She stared at me for a moment then yawned, which of course, made me yawn too. We giggled.

“Wow. I do feel better.”

“Me too,” I added with a grin, and as the soft music started to drift to our side of the lake, added, “That’s our cue.”

We climbed into our canoes and began to carefully, slowly paddle out to the middle of the lake. As Jennifer spun her tale, our canoes slowed, and together we lifted the lei and set it gently on the water, afterward carefully maneuvering away and making our way to shore.

“And so we honor our fallen Scout, our first Island Princess. Crystal Grace, we love you sweetie, wherever you are now.” She paused and turned, pressing a button on the small remote control in her hand, which caused the music to shift to a more upbeat drum rhythm.

“And now for the honoring of this year’s Island Princess. I want to remind everyone that we, the organizers, haven’t had any involvement whatsoever in the voting process. We don’t know who was chosen.”

“Elaine!” a chorus of cheers rang out from somewhere in the gathered, causing Jennifer to laugh.

“Hey, she’d have my vote if I could! That was some righteous music the other night, am I right?”

A round of applause followed, and she egged it on, throwing her hands up in a ‘more, more!’ motion before clearing her throat, and opening the envelope. “Okay, all kidding aside, this year’s Island Princess is … Oh wow. Amanda Greer!”

“No way!” Amanda squealed in disbelief. Applause and giggles followed as her friends urged her forward. She looked up at me in disbelief. I smiled and hugged her, gently nudging her toward the stairs.

“Congratulations Amanda,” Jennifer smiled as she carefully draped a non-fake flowered lei over the girl’s shoulders, helping her pull her hair through. “Do you want to say anything?” she asked, offering Amanda the microphone.

Tears streamed down the girl’s face as she answered. “Thanks everyone! This is SO cool!” she giggled as she hugged Jennifer, who smiled and kissed her forehead.

“And now, let’s party!” she announced, going over the list of foods available to sample even as Amanda bounded down the stairs to hug me.

“I dunno what to say,” she giggled excitedly. “Why me though?”

“You’re energetic, friendly,” I began.

“Adorable,” Natalie added with a giggle.

“And finally, the girls formerly known as the CITs of Cabin 13 will be providing hula lessons for anybody who’s interested. Just come on over and talk to one of us, and don’t be shy; it’s a party!”

Sarah grinned as she approached, first hugging Amanda. “Hey, congratulations!” she bubbled happily. The girl beamed back at her.

“Thanks!” she responded happily before racing off to rejoin her friends.

“I know I voted for her,” she added a moment later. “This camp has been so much fun. I’m really glad I came.”

“And there’s still another week left,” Allison advised cheerfully as Jennifer stepped down off the stage to approach.

“Yeah. I still owe you a canoe race, don’t I? With the luau setup and stuff I didn’t want to get in the way.”

“Oh, psh. You’re never in the way,” Jennifer answered playfully. “Just say the word whenever you’re ready. It’s just a shame Robin will miss it.”

“Huh?” she asked, turning back to me. I nodded.

“C’mere,” I offered, motioning for her to follow me. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Natalie or Rachel, but the less people around to overhear what I had to say, the better. Sarah followed me down the bank of the lake, oddly, to the spot where I talked with Natalie last year.

“What’s up? Is something wrong?” she asked. I shook my head.

“Something’s right, actually. You were out cold when I talked to you about all this.” I smiled sheepishly. “But basically I’ve made arrangements with your aunt that, once the first week of camp was over, I’d be ready to talk to a surgeon.”

“About...” she paused, recognition dawning on her face. “Oh my God. Spirit, that’s great news!”

“Yeah. I’m nervous, but it’s something that’s just got to be done, otherwise I’m going to have to quit cheer and basketball. I can’t take the pressure anymore.”

“I know exactly what you mean,” she mused, quickly adding, “Err, I mean-”

“It’s okay. I know what you mean. You had it pretty rough too,” I replied and hugged her. She seemed to relax, smiling back at me.

“So, can you teach me to wiggle my hips?” she teased. I laughed.

“Sure. Jen’s the best, but I can show you a few things too. Let’s head back.”

“Coolness.”

As we rejoined our friends and fellow scouts, there was no scent of lilacs on the breeze, no disembodied voices from beyond: just a bunch of girls having a great time at a great party. I couldn’t help feeling an overwhelming sense of accomplishment though.

In a year, I’d lived more than some girls would live in their lifetimes, and I wasn’t even a “proper” girl yet - at least not in my own mind. But hopefully I’d take care of that sooner rather than later. For now though, I grabbed a coconut-cup of fruit punch and watched Jennifer and Allison giggle as they tried to give some basic instructions. I’d worry about the rest, and cross my bridges, when I came to them.

---

Author's Note:
So due to clerical error, I was worried over nothing, and posted the last chapter way too soon. Sorry about that :-( Anyway, this is technically the last chapter of Book Three! Yay!

Don't worry; I'm not going to leave you hanging, wondering how things went though. I said technically because the next chapter I'm considering more my traditional Epilogue chapter, where I tie up some important loose ends and drop some hints about what to expect in the next book. :-)

~* Epilogue *~ “Come back to me safe,” Nicole whispered in my ear. She tried to discretely kiss my cheek, but I cupped her face, kissing her square on the lips. “I love you, vampire.” I answered softly. She nearly broke down as she whispered, “I love you too cutie.”

---

True to her word, Zoey had a standing consultation waiting for me the very next Monday. Needless to say I was extremely nervous, but considering the surgeon was willing to fly all the way out to New Haven to meet with me helped a great deal, but I still found myself growing more and more nervous as I waited in the small examination room.

I was never comfortable talking about my body, and having to discuss these things with a complete stranger left me more and more anxious the longer I waited, until finally, when the door swung open, I nearly squealed.

A faint giggle followed from the other side as a woman in her early thirties with reddish skin, dressed in a beige top and black slacks with a white lab coat stepped inside. Her jet black hair showed only one or two gray strands that might have just been the way they reflected the overhead florescent lights.

“Didn’t mean to startle you,” she began, and smiled warmly back at me. “Robin, right?” she asked as she offered her hand. “I’m Doctor Elyse Palmer. You can call me ‘Lisa’ if you want.”

“Nice to meet you,” I answered softly as we shook hands.

“I imagine you have a lot of questions, so before we get started, is there anything specific you’d like me to address?”

“Lots of things, really,” I answered, again softly. I wished Mom could’ve been here. “Will I have to leave Connecticut for the procedure?”

“Well there are certain channels that I have to go through in order to do the procedure here, but I’m confident you’ll be approved, given your therapists’ strong recommendations on the subject.

“This isn’t a simple procedure by any means, and I won’t lie to you; recovery is going to be a slow, sometimes nerve-wracking process. Don’t take this the wrong way Robin, but Doctor Ketzowski is of the opinion, and frankly I agree with her, that given your age, and just how much of a life-changing experience this is going to be for you, that you’re better off here than if we dragged you halfway across the country.”

I had to smile a little at that. “My friends are all here, rooting for me. It wouldn’t be the same without them.”

“You’re lucky to have friends and family that support you,” she answered with a soft smile. “So many women go into this later in life. Well, anyway, I need to perform a complete physical so we can evaluate where you are health-wise, and then we’ll get into the other reason for this consultation, okay?”

I spent the rest of the week either at Ash’s and Mom’s, helping them around the house, at Ash’s dojo, or at Margie’s. I had to wait until Lisa called me before I could start making firm plans for anything involving recovery, but at least I’d be transferred to the hospital in Alpine Springs once the worst of that had passed.

Part of me wished I hadn’t talked Nicole into staying at camp. I really missed her, but being down a counselor, I figured they needed her more - which is why her return Wednesday surprised me.

I had been hanging out with Katelyn, catching up on missed music lessons that morning, and shortly after she left, as I went into the kitchen to cook myself some lunch, someone knocked at the front door.

“Just a minute,” I called, half-expecting either Margie or Carol. Nicole threw her arms around me, pressing her lips against mine even as I opened the door. I squealed with surprise and held her close, pulling her inside. She laughed, without breaking the kiss, as she bumped the door closed with her sneaker.

She nuzzled her forehead against mine and grinned as she whispered, “Gawd I missed you. I couldn’t stay away anymore so Jen and Ally promised to cover for me.”

“I missed you too. I want to say I was just thinking about you, but the truth is I’ve been thinking about you this whole time.”

“I never should’ve let you talk me into staying,” Nicole pouted. “I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, I wanted you to stay,” I answered as I cupped her face, kissing her pouting lips softly. “They needed you.”

“Not as much as you did. I can see it in your eyes. How did the consultation go?”

“Weird,” I whined, pulling her along with me to the living room sofa. She sat down beside me, waiting for me to continue. “Don’t get me wrong. Lisa, my surgeon, is super nice and everything. It’s just, there’s some things about post-op that Kelly forgot to tell me about.”

“Like what?” she asked innocently, and I shook my head.

“I really don’t want to talk about it. It’s too weird. I’ll do what I have to do, but...” I paused. I could feel my cheeks burning brightly, and Nicole giggled, kissing me again.

“Sweetie, you’re going to have to get used to not hating your body anymore. I know it’s going to take some getting used to, but you’re not a guy, and pretty soon you won’t even have the wrong parts to deal with anymore.”

“Nikki, about that, there’s something I never told you or anyone. Please don’t be mad, okay?” I practically begged. I could feel my hands shaking lightly in hers. She squeezed them then pulled me into a hug.

“Robin, whatever it is you know you can tell me, and I’ll never be mad. What’s on your mind?”

“They told me back when I started on hormones, that the longer I stayed on them, the harder it would be to ever go back. They said there’d come a point where I wouldn’t be able to have children even if I didn’t go through with surgery, and asked me if I wanted to freeze a sample of … you know, just in case.”

Nicole’s eyes lit up, and she pulled me close. We shared another passionate kiss, interrupted by her excited giggles.

“Oh my God. So does this mean I can still have a little Robin? I mean don’t get me wrong. I still want to adopt just like we talked about,” she gushed, practically glowing. “I never brought it up because I knew you were so uncomfortable with your own body that I didn’t want to press the subject and make you feel worse, but...”

“So you’re not mad?” I asked. I knew the answer, but I needed to hear it again. She giggled happily.

“Hell no I’m not mad! I just wish I could share the experience with you,” she trailed off, genuinely crestfallen in the knowledge that I could never carry a child myself. I shook my head though, and leaned closer to kiss her.

“Don’t be sad for me. This is more than I ever dreamed I’d have already. When we’re both ready, I’ll be by your side every step of the way, just like you’ve been with me. Just don’t tell anyone else for awhile. Not even Mom knows about this yet. I didn’t really know how to explain it to her.”

Nicole giggled as she ran her fingers through my hair. “I’m sure she’ll understand, but I won’t tell anyone.”

“Just relax,” Allison whispered as she leaned over my hospital bed to kiss my cheek. She had a firm grip on my hand, and Nicole held the other, as Jennifer, Sarah, and Katelyn stood close by. “We’ll be right here when you wake up, okay?”

I nodded and squeezed her hand as I kissed her cheek. “I’ll be okay. Kelly gave me something to calm my nerves so I’m feeling pretty good right now, actually,” I giggled.

“Oh lord, she’s so stoned,” Katelyn teased. Sarah giggled, swatting her arm lightly.

“Be nice!” she added.

I had to laugh, as Mom came back into the room. By now she had really started to show, but she wasn’t quite far enough along to completely give up her hospital duties for maternity leave just yet. In any case she had taken a few days off. “What are we all giggling about? Or do I want to know?” she half-chuckled.

“Ummmmm nothing,” I answered, trying hard to keep a straight face, though whatever they had injected me with made that a lost cause. I started to giggle again.

She shook her head slowly. “I swear if I wasn’t expecting I’d ask if they had any more of that stuff available.”

“Mother!” I balked, giggling a little.

“What?” she replied teasingly. “My baby’s having surgery. It’s my right as a mother to be worried sick.”

“I’ll be okay,” I answered as though I believed nothing could possibly go wrong, which was an ironic twist considering a few hours earlier, I was so nervous I literally ran to the bathroom to be sick. Twice.

She smiled at that. “I know. You’re strong. Sometimes I think you’re stronger than me,” she added as she bent down to hug me, kissing my forehead.

“Alright, Robin,” one of the nurses on-duty called warmly as she entered the room. “It’s time to move you. I’m afraid we can only allow family in recovery, but the rest of you are welcome to wait in the waiting room, and Doctor Palmer will come and talk to you when she’s out of surgery.”

“Come back to me safe,” Nicole whispered in my ear. She tried to discretely kiss my cheek, but I cupped her face, kissing her square on the lips.

“I love you, vampire.” I answered softly.

She nearly broke down as she whispered, “I love you too cutie.”

As I was being moved out of the room, I thought I caught a glimpse of Sarah’s cousin Faith out of the corner of my eye, but when I turned to say hello to her, she was gone. I shrugged lightly and stared up at the ceiling. The nurse directly behind me smiled as she looked down.

“You okay?” she asked.

“Excited,” I murmered, “But sooo sleepy.”

She giggled quietly. “Yeah, I thought you would be. You can go to sleep if you want.”

She said that as though my eyelids would give me a choice. Between the relaxant in my system and the gentle rocking of the bed, I didn’t even wake up when they brought me into the operating room.

I had the most wonderful, disturbing dreams. I danced with my dead father at Nicole’s and my wedding, I took our unborn daughter fishing at the small stream behind Margie’s house, and for some reason, went truffle hunting with an orangutan named Jim.

The next thing I remembered, I had the strangest sensation of cool, fresh air rushing into my lungs. I inhaled sharply and coughed, which apparently startled the nurse sitting next to me. I heard a chair squeak, and her voice distantly calling my name.

“Robin, sweetie?” she asked. Her voice sounded like she was in a large, faraway cave.

“Nnnh. Put down the shovel... use your hands to dig,” I mumbled.

“Robin, can you hear me?” she asked, this time less distorted.

“Mmm?” I answered softly. “You’re in recovery sweetie. How do you feel?”

“Numb,” I answered. “And sleeeeeepy.”

She giggled a little. “We’re going to keep you here for a little while. Are you breathing okay?”

“Mmmmmhmmm. Smells nice,” I answered simply as I shut my eyes again. “Kind of thirsty.”

“Can we give her some ice?” I heard Mom ask from the other side.

“That’s what I was thinking,” the nurse answered, but I had already begun to tune them out.

Even the sudden shock of a small ice cube against my parched lips barely affected me. I took it between my teeth and crunched it once, sucking on the smaller fragments, even as I drifted off to sleep again. In retrospect, I wondered just how much pain medication they had me on, but I wouldn’t complain.

“Morning sleepyhead,” Nicole cooed softly as I felt myself returning to the land of the living again. At first everything was a blur, except for the pain in my lower region. That was quite real. I groaned softly.

“Are you in pain?” Allison asked next. “I’ll go find a nurse.”

“Linda should be back in a second,” Nicole added as she squeezed my hand. “Robin? Hey,” she whispered warmly as I turned to look at her. I smiled a little, despite the pain.

“Hi there,” I managed weakly. “How long was I out?”

“You’ve been asleep since you got out of recovery yesterday, around three, and it’s noon. That must’ve been some good stuff they had you on,” she teased, and kissed my forehead.

I laughed, then cringed. “Oh God, don’t make me giggle,” I teased, reaching out to touch her face just as Dr. Palmer entered.

“Hi Robin,” she greeted me warmly. “Your friend Allison said you’re in pain. Is it severe?”

“No,” I responded, shaking my head. “I mean it’s definitely there, but it’s not super bad.”

“We’ve been easing you off the pain medication. We might have stepped the dosage down too soon. Hang on just a second, okay?” she commented, then stepped out as Mom returned.

“Robin, you’re awake!” she practically cheered as she hurried to my bedside. She bent down to kiss my forehead. “Are you alright?”

“Hurts, but Lisa went to get something for it. I’m so hungry,” I whined. “I’d give anything for a cheeseburger.”

Nicole giggled, shaking her head. “No cheeseburger for you yet. But I promise I won’t eat anything but hospital food until they let you out.”

“Why poison us both?” I teased, trying not to laugh at the playful glare from my mother.

“Young lady, I’ll have you know hospital food is quite healthy.” She paused to smile. “It just tastes like foam rubber.”

Lisa chuckled quietly as she returned, and began setting up a new drip in my IV. “They say laughter’s the best medicine, and I happen to agree. This will take a minute to take effect, so just bear with me a little longer, okay?”

I nodded. “How did it go?” I asked, trying to focus on something else.

“Really well. I think once the swelling subsides, you’ll be very happy with the results. There might be some internal scar tissue for awhile, but with a little luck and some patience, no one but your doctors or your partner will ever know you had anything done..

“You’re going to have to take it easy for awhile though. I went over the recovery process with you the other day, but before we transfer you to Alpine Springs in a few days, I’ll go over everything again in private. I want to be sure you’re well on your way to healing before I let you out of my care.”

“Thank you Doctor Palmer,” Mom replied softly. Lisa smiled back at her.

“It’s my pleasure. I know how I’d feel if it were my daughter. I’d want her doctors to be doing everything they can to give her as normal a life as possible.”

I smiled up at her at that. “I’d like Nikki to be here when you go over the recovery stuff again, Lisa. It... It would make dealing with it a lot easier.”

“Well, it’s highly unusual, but if you’re okay with that, Nikki?” she asked, glancing at Nicole, who nodded without hesitation.

“Absolutely. Whatever it takes to help her.”

“What’re we talking about?” Allison asked as she returned, sipping a tall soda. She blushed, quickly covering her mouth.

“Oh, hi Doctor. I didn’t realize you were still here. Um, just pretend I didn’t say anything.”

Nicole and I both giggled. “It’s okay Ally,” I answered. “Just more recovery stuff. Do me a favor, though. Next time you see Kelly, give her arm a frog for me. I won’t be strong enough for awhile.”

Allison giggled. “Um, sure. But why?”

“She’ll know why,” I replied, laying my head back as the pain medication began to kick in, and smiled. “So when can I eat?”

By the end of July, though I was still technically recovering, I could at least get out of bed and get around. It felt weird having Allison practically waiting on me hand and foot all the time, but between her, Nicole, and at least a daily visit from Jennifer, I certainly stayed busy, and never felt lonely or bored.

During the worst of my downtime we played cards together or board games, watched DVDs, or Allison played her guitar for me, and helped me litter box train the newest addition to my family, an adorable orange tabby kitten I had dubbed Sunny.

During that time Allison had gotten a new pet rabbit that she named ‘Bunny’, and Sunny and Bunny became fast friends, not to mention hours of entertainment playing on the living room floor together while we hung out.

That day though, I had to ask Allison to kitty-sit for me. I wanted to do some research on abandoned buildings around Alpine Springs for our big Halloween plans this year.

“Hey, Robin check this out,” Nicole excitedly called as she rushed over, carrying a heavy leather tome that bore in gold lettering the simple yet ominous title, ‘Connecticut Hauntings’.

“Closed in the 1970s, the Alpine Springs Sanatorium is rumored to be one of the most haunted locations in Connecticut. Stories of savage mistreatment of patients by staff, including but not limited to forced lobotomies, extractions of entire sets of teeth without any anaesthetic, and later, brutal overuse of electroshock therapy persisted until the day it closed.”

For the first time since I’d known her, row upon row of goosebumps absolutely engulfed her flesh. She shuddered.

“I didn’t even know there was an asylum here,” I finally broke the uneasy silence. She nodded.

“Yeah, according to this, Alpine Springs used to be far enough from New Haven to be considered a fitting place to house patients. But can you imagine? If we could find out who owns that place, get their permission to clean it up, it would be the perfect spot!”

“I dunno. It sounds kind of creepy,” I reluctantly answered, but she smiled and kissed my lips.

“That’s the whole point though. It’s supposed to scare the crap out of people.”

I giggled a little at that. “Yeah, I guess you’ve got a point. How do we find out who owns it though?”

“Good question. Let’s figure it out over lunch? My treat?”

“You bought last time,” I teased as I stood. “Let me take you out for pizza.”

“Ooh, pizza sounds great. Okay, you talked me into it. Lemme just go check this book out.”

“Oh, hi guys!” Bethany, the perky little tie-dyed birdwatcher I had met earlier in the summer cheered happily as she approached our table as Nicole set her library book aside. Rather than a headband though, her beautiful locks had been pulled into a tight ponytail, held in place with a purple and white tie-dyed scrunchie, matching her dark purple t-shirt and white shorts.

“Hey there. Bethany right?” I asked. She giggled, nodding happily. “You remember!”

Nicole slowly glanced between the two of us. “You guys know each other?”

Bethany giggled. “I bumped into Robin awhile ago.” She smiled brightly at me. “You’re looking a LOT happier than when I last saw you.”

Glancing at Nicole, I giggled a little. “Yeah, my friend Sarah was in the hospital at the time so I was pretty upset that day.” I half-lied. It was true, but I had another reason for being much happier too! “You here with your parents?” I asked, changing the subject.

Bethany giggled, shaking her head. “Naw, I’m here alone, but I’m meeting some people here.”

As if on cue, an older girl and a cute - for a guy I mean - guy approached us. The girl spoke up first. “Hey, there you are, squirt.”

“Don’t call me squirt!” Bethany shot back, but smiled up at her. “Oh, guys this is Robin and …” she trailed off, staring expectantly at Nicole.

“Nikki,” Nicole answered.

“This is Kris and that’s Marry. They sort of adopted me awhile ago.”

Kris tilted his head, glancing at the open library book. “You’re interested in the old asylum?” he asked. Marry reached into her pocket, producing a folded wad of bills and slipped them to Bethany.

“Hey, go get us a large pizza? You can pick the toppings - just no marshmallows this time,” she added matter-of-factly, causing Bethany to giggle as she bounded off with the money.

Nicole quickly nodded. “Yeah. Just looking at what went on there literally gives me goosebumps.”

“It does. I’ve never seen anything do that to her,” I added. Kris and Marry sat down across from us as I continued. “We’re senior members of a local Girl Scout troop. Since we’re some of the oldest members we’re always looking for new ideas and activities to get the younger girls involved in the community.”

Nicole giggled. “So our friend Ally came up with this idea to do a haunted house for Halloween this year. I came across this story about the old asylum, and it sounds perfect.”

Marry cleared her throat. “Um, not to be disrespectful, but that’s not ‘just’ a story. The stuff you’ve heard, the cruelty to patients? That’s all true.”

Kris nodded, running his hand absently through his hair. “She’s right. Marry and I had relatives that were locked up there.”

“Oh my God,” Nicole and I both responded in unison. “I’m sorry. So what happened to it? Is it still there? Do you think the owners would let us use it if we promised to clean it up?”

Marry chuckled lightly, as she and Kris exchanged an almost sibling-like glance before answering. “We are the owners. After it closed down, the property went into foreclosure. Knowing the history, our families chipped in to buy it. Nobody ever did anything with it, but we like to hang out there sometimes. So yes, you can use it.”

Bethany seemed to pop up out of nowhere, causing Marry to jump. “Hey, you guys like anchovies right?”

Kris groaned, tousling Bethany’s hair and causing her to squeal lightly. “You’re joking right?”

“Maaaybe. Anyway, it’ll be out in a minute.”

“Cool,” Marry answered, turning back to us as they stood. “Anyway we’ll let you enjoy your meal in peace, but if you guys want to check out the old asylum after lunch, we’ll be glad to give you a tour.”

Kris added, “It’s structurally sound. It won’t fall on your heads or anything. It just needs some of the more dangerous stuff - old rusty beds and things, taken care of.”

“Awesome,” Nicole cheered, raising her soda in toast. “We’ll get with the other scouts and let them know we found a place. I want to preserve as much creepiness as possible, but someone getting hurt would kinda spoil the fun. Is there a number we can reach you guys at?”

“Sure,” Marry answered as she took a pen from her small handbag. Taking my hand, she scribbled a phone number on my palm, which caused Bethany to giggle, rolling her eyes at us. “That’s my cell. Just call me anytime and I’ll drag Kris out to meet you guys.”

As the three left to collect their pizza, I pulled out my iPhone, programming in Marry’s number before pizza grease could smudge it. “This is so cool.”

“I know,” Nicole giggled. “I didn’t think I’d be able to top Heedless Despair last year, but a haunted house in a real haunted asylum? Hot damn.”.

While I had my phone out, I punched in Allison’s number. “Ally! Hey, you’re never going to guess what just happened. We found the perfect place for the haunted house, and the owners have okayed it. Do you know anything about the old Alpine Springs asylum?”

I had to pull the phone away from my ear at Allison’s ecstatic squeal.

I mentioned before that Mom was starting to really show. She was only about five months pregnant, but had long become accustomed to the return of morning sickness, swollen ankles, a sizable increase in belly mass, and of course, a certain unmistakable motherly glow. It wouldn’t be until October or November until my new sibling arrived, but Mom’s ultrasound would hopefully tell us if it was a boy or a girl.

I had never been more excited to see Mom’s car in the driveway as I was that day. Nicole had to catch me by the arm to keep me from running, even though my body had healed remarkably well since my surgery. I still had some tenderness, but nothing like when I first woke up the day after.

“Mom?” I called as we stepped in the house.

“In here honey,” Mom replied from the kitchen. She sounded a little too quiet. Nicole and I looked at each other for only a moment, exchanging one of those ‘Expect the worst’ glances. We found her sitting at the kitchen table with Margie and Dad. She looked over at me and smiled. “Hi sweetheart. How was your day?”

“Oh, you know, same old same old. We made our first sweep on the old asylum today to see what we can do with it.” I tried not to sound concerned, but I had to ask. “How did the ultrasound go?”

Mom motioned for me to sit down. Nicole and I took chairs across from each other, me next to Dad and her next to Margie, waiting expectantly.

“The good news is, there aren’t any detectable birth defects in the fetuses.”

“Fetuses. Plural?” I asked.

She smiled, nearly giggling. “Twins.”

“Oh my God!” Nicole and I both squealed in unison. Margie cringed, laughing. “There’s still some bad news though.”

Mom quickly nodded, still giggling. “Yes, with my medical history there’s an increased risk of complications. What that means is I have to start taking it easy before long, keeping my blood pressure down, continuing to eat healthy and mild aerobic exercise like walking. I still might need to have a c-section done if natural birth would put their lives at risk, but there’s no need to worry right now.”

“So why were you being so quiet when I came in? You had me scared half to death!” I teased..

“We were discussing finances, and how in the world we’d be able to handle twins. Oh, if you were wondering, they’re fraternal, a boy and a girl.”

“Oh my God,” I giggled. “That’s so cool Mom. I’m so happy for you.”

I stood, walking past Dad to bend down and hug her. “And don’t worry about finances. I still have my trust fund so you won’t have to worry about me. You can focus on the babies, and you know Ally, Jenn, Nikki or me will be happy to babysit.”

“Or me,” Margie added with a giggle.

“I’m sure we’ll work it all out,” Dad finally added. “If worst comes to worst, I was a bachelor for years, remember. I have a tidy nestegg portfolio I can tap into, and the dojo is still doing well. You just worry about staying healthy.” He smiled as he squeezed Mom’s hand. The look of love in their eyes for each other, the same look they had on their wedding day, reminded me so much of Nicole and myself, I just had to walk over to pull her into a hug.

“I guess this means we have more work to do on the nursery,” I teased. She giggled.

“Oh, I don’t think so. Doctor’s orders were for you not to do anything strenuous for at least six weeks, and I’m going to make sure you hold to that.”

“But-” was as far as I could get before she kissed me.

“Nope,” she answered. “I need to run home for a minute. You want to come with, or stay here?”

“I’ll come with you,” I answered after a moment or two of thought. “But you’re coming back home with me after. I want to celebrate, and thanks to your dad, I know plenty of heart-healthy recipes now,” I replied, shooting Mom a grin.

“Oh no,” Mom laughed.

“Oh yes,” I shot back. “Salt-free is the way to be. Or something like that.”

I squeezed Nicole’s hand as we walked together back to her Mustang. I still had school to think about yet. In a couple of weeks I’d start training for cheer with Alice, and I also needed to find a way to assure the school board that yes, I could shower with my teammates now. I wouldn’t pose a risk to anyone, any more than any other girl, that I had finally become Robin, completely and truly.

But for now? I knew it. My friends knew it, and my family knew it, and that was good enough for me. I was still in a transitional phase, learning to let go of old self-hatred, accepting my body, learning to love myself completely, but I no longer had anything to hide, or to fear.

“Ready?” Nicole asked as I stared off into space. I jumped slightly, giggled, and pulled my seatbelt into place.

“Sorry, I’m ready. I was just thinking.”

“About?” she asked, as we pulled out of the driveway. I grinned broadly back at her, leaned over, and kissed her cheek.

“How awesome our future’s going to be.”