by Erin Halfelven
"I can't believe he's that bad at telling dirty jokes," Donk complained.
"Well, he is trying to tell them to his wife, can't be easy," said Z9.
"Not that you were ever married," said Miss Glamour.
"How do you know I've never been married?" asked Z9.
"Oh, please," Miss Glamour said. She would have rolled her eyes for emphasis but none of them had bodies any more. "One, a girl can tell and two, we've all got access to each other's memories in here."
"Damnit! He blew the punchline on that one, too!" Donk snarled. "It's not about the potato, it's about where you're putting it!"
"Shows how much attention you were paying. I married Lady Kremlin back in 1986."
"Uh huh, and a couple of renegade Polish double agents offed her on your honeymoon. Doesn't count, a honeymoon is nothing like being married."
"We're missing something," said Dr. Domino.
"He better let me tell the next joke or -- is there anything we can do to him in here?"
"What do you mean a honeymoon is not like being married? That doesn't even make sense."
"Not much. A few itches, a headache maybe," said Glamour.
"I spent a whole day once, mentally undressing every woman he met. He had a job interview to go to, made him sweat a bit." Z9 conveyed the essence of grinning to the others without access to any of the equipment.
"There's some fact we don't know, some trivial piece of information that's keeping us from understanding what is going on," said Domino. "Why did anyone want to kidnap Tessie? Maybe if we knew that...."
"No, you idiot! You have to growl that line, 'cause it's the bear that says it!" Donk demonstrated. "You don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
"I don't get that one," said Glamour.
"You wouldn't," said Z9.
"Are you implying I don't have a sense of humor?"
"It's mostly a guy thing," said Z9.
"It's mostly a prison thing," said Donk.
"Shut up!" said Domino. "I'm trying to help him think about this."
"So it's true, Tessie somehow wrecked the plane and made it crash?" asked Z9.
"It was like all the oil in the engine turned to sand," said Donk. "That's what the other guys told me."
"There's someone big behind all this. Some invisible mastermind co-ordinating everything. A global manipulator with a secret plan...."
"Is that a chicken joke? There are dirty chicken jokes? Oh, that's disgusting!"
"His wife doesn't think it's funny either."
"Women never laugh at that one," commented Donk.
"Because it isn't funny!"
"It's all in how you tell it, he doesn't tell it funny."
"So if you're so good, how come he doesn't have your ability to tell jokes?"
"He's got it, he just ain't using it. He's telling them bad on purpose. Hey, Munson! You stink!"
"He can't hear you unless he wants to."
"He's telling them badly because he's trying to make his wife laugh at how bad he is at telling dirty jokes," said Glamour.
"Yeah?" Donk sounded doubtful. "It ain't working. She ain't laughing, she's getting this look in her eye like she wants to jump his bones."
They all stayed quiet for a moment.
"Son of a gun," said Z9, "he's using my abilities to seduce his own wife."
Domino snorted. "Not your non-existent charms, you would be Lothario. He's using my ability to play to her weakness, endearing himself with a display of husbandly ineptitude at being disgusting."
"You know, that would probably work," agreed Glamour.
"Hey," said Donk. "If they pull off and do it in the back of the truck, do we get to watch?"