Cross Country Disconnect - 8 Caryn Hangs Around

If Caryn is to be at the Miller Grandparents during Thanksgiving, they’d prefer for Caryn to be seen as a regular girl. That will mean she needs her own clothes.

Katie is now used to having Caryn as her accessible model as she mixes and matches old and new outfits. They adore a camaraderie of sisters forming with playful bantering. Katie told her what would involve the two weeks before Megan’s wedding, but Caryn failed to hear it as something involving her.

Cousin Megan Edwards is coming to see if Caryn might be a good fill-in as a bridesmaid for her wedding next summer.

Tuesday was Gary’s first full day back being himself. His friend Jon was still associating with Marc Davies, and he became less accepting of Gary.

I got in front of Jon as I’m coming into the cafeteria, “Hey, Jon, what gives? We’ve been friends for a long time. I’m still the same person.”

“No,” Jon said, “I didn’t know you were a sissy. I’m not like you; I don’t even want to be with you. Do you get that, or do you want to fight about it?”

Gary turned to walk around Jon, and Jon said, “I didn’t think girly-boy would want to fight.”

Gary remarked, “Fighting to keep our friendship doesn’t make sense, though I think I’m as tough a guy as you.” Jon bumped Gary, and it caused Gary’s drink and lunch to fall to the floor. Gary slammed his tray down and was ready to hit Jon, and then he saw the lunch monitor there. He knelt to put his items on his tray and took everything to the trash, and had nothing to eat.

Monica from Gary’s grade called him over to her table, and many other girls. “Gary, you handled that well, but I know it must hurt inside. You and Jon have been friends for a long time. I hope this doesn’t change the new you?”

Another girl, Hope, pushes a small salad and some crackers to him, “You should eat something or your tummy is going to be growling in class.” Someone handed a fork to him. Gary couldn’t help but smile seeing their kindness.

“I’m sorry, but it pisses me off. I’m as tough as ever. I don’t want to start down the road of having to prove everything.” Gary was embarrassed that he became angry and spouted off in front of the girls in his grade.

Monica giggled, “Girls get ‘pissed off’ as well, though you probably don’t see it. Sometimes if Caryn’s around, it might be easier to talk to you about that… I don’t mean to pry, but will we get to see Caryn again, won’t we?”

Gary gave a slight smile, “Don’t spread it around, but I think she’s here to stay.”

Hope said, “You know, saying that it is likely to get around.”

“Well, it might as well be known,” he said. I wonder if the school will allow me the option of being here at times?”

Hope said, “I thought that was the reason for the fingernails yesterday. You know, we wanted to be Caryn’s friends? We could be Gary’s friends if Sarai won’t mind?”

I said, “It’s not Sarai’s call, I’m more worried about keeping my guy friends. I now seem to have an easier time talking to girls. Our guys don’t talk as much.”

Hope says, “Tell us something we don’t know. …Would you, as Caryn, ever consider dating a boy?”

“Don’t ask again; I’m going to act like I didn’t hear that,” Gary said.

The afternoon was only a little different as a couple of girls in most classes acted more as friends.

Gary left early with the cross country team for the meet at Redwood. Once there, he had enough time to stretch and run two-thirds of the course. Coaches Higgins and Butler gave me a clipboard with the list of our runners and wanted me to record their times for the halfway mark.

I quickly made friends with Jennifer O’Donnell from Redwood, as she knew the marks for both the girls’ and boys’ runs. She would be doing the same for her team and wanted to know our runners as they passed those points. I guess it is a good sports custom, and she did the same for me.

Jennifer asked, “Do you know Sarai Duvall well, and is she as good as they say?” She laughs at finding that I’m Sarai’s boyfriend and how I got hurt.

“Sarai’s as good as they say, and Patti Duncan is now challenging most of the other girl runners. Patti and I became Sarai’s prodigies, and our running has been improving.”

Jennifer says, “Even if it were true, most boys wouldn’t acknowledge a girl who helped them. You’re not the runner they said was wearing a running skirt, are you?”

The girls ran first, and I spotted Sarai near the front of a hill over two hundred meters away. Jennifer gave me a hard time for cheering Sarai on. Sarai only smiled. I knew she would keep her concentration. Redwood’s best girl was over twenty seconds behind her. Leesa was our last runner. While her time wasn’t good, I had learned from Jennifer that it wasn’t bad for a girl who hadn’t been doing competitive running.

That information served me well during the boys’ race; I hadn’t been a fan of Trevor’s. Trevor was usually our last runner, and he would be again today. Today, as he was passing by, I encouraged him to relax and stretch his stride. “Trevor, have fun and go get your best time.”

Talking to Jennifer was new for me. Even Coach and Sarai commented when they saw Jennifer and me walking back together. Sarai giggled when Jennifer said, “I hope to see you sometime, Caryn.” I hadn’t heard my other name being used.

I asked, “What made you call me that? No one else called me that today.”

Jennifer quickly apologized, “I’m sorry if I shouldn’t have said it, but in the past two hours it felt like I met the two of you. I just wanted you to know that it was nice to meet you.”

Now I felt a bit bad, “That was nice of you. This was just the first day I’m fully back to being Gary again. It has been a long day, I guess I’m touchy.”

I was now by Sarai, and I gave her a big hug of congratulations. Her time was good enough for first, but not her best run. I said, “So what are you not going to relax and enjoy it?” ‘Thanks, coach, I needed that.’

Jennifer asked her, “Did you relax or get hurt? You were running really well when you passed Gary.”

“It’s personal, but I relaxed. I took one path the state meet is going to use.”

“That was not relaxing, even the state people are sure they want that near the end of the race,” Jennifer said. It sounded like she knew what she was talking about. “You even added thirty meters to your run.”

“It made the run interesting and the race closer.” I asked how close, and Sarai said, “I won by five meters with a sprint.”

Coach Higgins looked like he heard that, but didn’t say anything there. Riding back with the team, it was the first time Sarai rested leaning on me. April from Hollyhock was the one who sprinted with her to make it a race.

Coach Higgins tried to excuse me to the back of the bus; he wanted to talk to Sarai about what happened. She insisted I stay as she told the Coach what she did. He asked, “How did you know that’s a proposed route?”

She said, “You marked it on your chart, and I saw that yesterday. It’s okay, coach, I felt it was worth running.” She changed the subject, “Did you see how well Gary did his practice run?”

“Yes, Gary, you did well. How are the legs feeling?” Learning they were well, he said, “Even if you feel ready Saturday, I don’t want you running full speed.” I agreed, but I knew if I was well that I’d find that difficult.

Sarai gave me a ride home and asked as she let me out, “Are you looking forward to dressing up for your cousin on Thursday?”

I said, “She’s only going to talk to me; my Mom has pictures of me as Caryn if Megan needs to see them?” Sarai had her sarcastic giggle as she drove away.

Katie and both my parents were glad to hear about my practice run and how my day as Gary went. Katie was the one to break the ice, asking, “So what aren’t you telling us?” …She paused before asking, “Did you miss Caryn?”

“I thought we were to give my femme side a rest.”

“Yes, but Mom and I both thought that would be hard,” she said. “We even thought you’d put on something of Caryn’s when you went to bed.”

I told Mom and Katie about keeping the time chart and visiting with Jennifer, who knew about me. They were very much surprised when I told them about encouraging Trevor. Mom jokes, “It looks like Sarai caused you to change even more. You’re thinking of others and making new friends, like Jennifer and Trevor.”

Mom asked, “Tell me about Jennifer?”

I said, “She’s a junior; she’s attractive but doesn’t really think so. She loves music and wanted to go into engineering. We will make a point of saying hello at the State Meet when it’s held there. Why?”

Mom says, “Gary has had trouble saying he made a new friend.” Katie and Mom both giggle. I went and showered, and I found Caryn’s nightwear on my bed when I got back to my room. I did put it on, but put on Gary’s robe to get something to eat.

Wednesday and school on Thursday were pretty normal. I did practice with Sarai both mornings. The mornings were cold, and it was only Sarai’s philosophy that made it fun. We jogged the route on Wednesday and Thursday. I ran the full course, but not at full speed. We became giggly and kissed, as two girls celebrating that I’d be ready to run. Ashley had driven up, bringing hot cocoa, and saw us as we broke our embrace.

Ashley remarked, “Of course, Gary would relax and be happy when Caryn is regularly embraced like this. I see only the outer trappings are Gary.” I worked harder to deny that’s what happened. Sarai calmly acknowledged it was only to celebrate that Gary’s leg had healed enough to run.

Ashley asked, “But will you be wearing your running skirt come Saturday?” It was Sarai who first attributed the skirt on Saturday to the coach and team not wanting me to change my good fortune.

When I returned home to dress for school, Katie already knew I was ready to run, and the same was true for friends and teammates at school. Principal Collins met me between classes. “You know we’re glad you are back running. I need to caution you, however, not to overdo the running and reinjure your leg.”

I got my ride home from Katie on Thursday. We weren’t out of the school parking lot before she said, “You know you should change into one of Caryn’s outfits to see if Megan recognizes you.”

“I’ve let my face go since Sunday; I’d have to do too much work to look right.”

“Boy,” Katie said, “look who’s got a bad taste of vanity.”

“I do not. It’s just if I expect her to be fooled, I’d have to work to make a believable girl,” I said.

Katie hit the quick dial on her phone. Mom answered, “Katie, what’s so important that you called me at work? I’ll be home soon enough.”

“Mom, you said I could call if Gary resists dressing as Caryn. Well, he’s doing that.”

”Gary, are you there and able to hear me?” I confirmed that before my mother continued, “I thought you were looking forward to being Caryn for Megan. Dress nicely as she not only wants to see Caryn but also see how she does when we go out to eat.”

“Mom, I don’t want to go out in public.”

Mom changed the subject, “I expect to see Caryn when Megan arrives. And oh, by the way, no less than three people stopped by the store telling me how important it would be for you to be back running before that state cross-country tournament. I guess Matt and others are talking you up around the school district.”

“Mom, I felt good after running this morning. I think I’ll be able to compete.” Mom reminded me that I had told her this morning.

We were soon home, and Katie even ran a bubble bath. She strongly recommended I shave my legs. Once in the bath, I couldn’t help but fall back into girl mode. Katie’s bubble bath oils in the hot water made me relax, and the razor skimmed over my legs and moistening them so that they glowed again.

Katie had dipped into her closet and found a short, dark blue satin skirt for me to wear. Then it was between a puffy white sweater and a multi-color print that would give the illusion of cleavage. I wasn’t excited about being out in that, but I didn’t trust myself out eating in a white sweater.

Once I was out and dry, Katie told me to start on my makeup, and she’d be back to check up on me. I decided to use makeup that brought out the reddish-orange of the blouse while keeping my face with a light, soft glow. I was painting my nails when I felt Katie’s presence behind me. I asked, “What do you think, does this work well together or should I start over?”

The voice that registered wasn’t Katie’s. “I think it goes very well together, but I wasn’t expecting you to know makeup this well,” Cousin Megan was speaking. I looked up and saw her smiling face in the mirror before I stood up and turned around to greet her. I was glad that I had on my bra and a white camisole. We hugged, and our chests hitting made the encounter awkward for me.

I scolded Katie, “You should have warned me! This is embarrassing!”

Megan grabbed Katie’s hand, “I’m glad she didn’t. Even your mother said it would be okay to surprise you like this.” I guess Mom was the one who let Megan in unannounced. Katie received a message from them to come out of the room and take Megan back.

I had the skirt on and was somewhat comfortable as I finished my makeup. Katie and Megan both agreed that my makeup and nail polish worked well with the blouse. Megan used a makeup triangle to even out some makeup. She helped me with the blouse, and where I wanted it buttoned up, she insisted the top three buttons and the bottom button should be unbuttoned.

I tried it as she suggested, and I agreed it looked better that way, and it was like I had noticed on other girls. Katie said, and Mom agreed, that it made me look more girl-like.

Dad supposedly had a meeting, so we were to go out to eat with Megan, Katie, and Grandma Edwards. It was the first time Mom called us the Edwards girls. Megan gave me one thing different to wear, and that was new stockings. Megan asked permission to stay as I put them on, and I went to the bathroom to take my pantyhose off. I was back out and at Katie’s vanity seat to put on the stockings. I poked my toes into the tip so things were properly aligned as I proceeded to roll them up to my feet and legs. I did not hide the giggle in my voice; I was happy as they glided up my legs. Being able to put them on one at a time makes stockings easier and more pleasurable to put on than pantyhose. These were of a better quality than I wore to homecoming. It made the experience extra delightful.

Megan remarked, “You even enjoy them like a regular girl. I thought you had only been dressing for three weeks.” Meg raised an eyebrow, wanting me to say more.

“I’ve dressed as a girl for Halloween and when I was younger for a school play,” I admitted. But Megan insisted it had to be something more.

She said, “We did it when we were together four or five summers ago. You protested, but not too much. You even wore some short skirts and learned to stand up better, if I’m not mistaken,”

I was done, and Megan and I went down to wait in the living room. Megan must have taken a picture and sent it to her Grandmother. Grandmother called me to say I made an attractive teenager. Grandmother insisted on talking to me, and I’m sure we talked for over ten minutes, which was a minor miracle for me.

A moment before we were to leave, there was a person at the door, and I found out that Sarai had been invited. On the way to Grandmother’s, Megan addressed Sarai, “I am glad you helped bring out this side of Gary. However, don’t you ever do anything to hurt her.” More softly, she said, “I doubt this will go on forever, but you are his/her first love. It should all be good memories.”

Sarai said, “We’re forever friends; we’ll have a lot of good firsts.” Everyone noticed Mom turn her face and change her facial expression. Nothing more was said, and the discussion changed.

Grandma Edwards was tickled to see me dressed as I was. She lives in the town where we’re to eat. Instead of a grandmother who might not want a transgender daughter to be seen by her friends. Grandmother was known to be a progressive woman. Though she had walked out to our SUV, she insisted I get out and show her the nice young woman I was. Thai Garden was within two miles, and everyone felt comfortable going there. I had settled on enjoying myself.

We ordered different entrees and would share them around the table. Where my mom, sister, and grandmother often did this, it was the first time for me. We sat and visited as we finished our meal.

Megan asked me directly, “So are you willing to be one of my bridesmaids?” I asked what it entailed, and she told me, “You and Katie would need to take part in the fittings for the gowns, and you would have to go to the salon like any of the girls in the bridal party.”

“It sounds fun, sure, I am willing to do that little bit.”

Megan turned to my mom and asked, “Caryn has agreed. Are you willing to give up your two girls for two weeks and allow him to be with Caryn all that time? I’d like her as Caryn all that time. My fiancée Brett told his Mom, and she knows about Caryn, but her estranged husband does not. He might give trouble with his sister, Adrian, taking part if he knew. Adrian doesn’t care; she’s looking forward to meeting Caryn. But with her still being seventeen then, her dad can still technically stop her.”

I spoke up, saying, “I thought it would be three days; what’s with two weeks?”

Megan said, “I thought your sister spoke to you. I thought two weeks with Caryn would be fun for you. Plus, it would allow you to immerse yourself in being a girl, and the simple things could become second nature to you by the time of the wedding. I hope that will be alright with you?”

I could see Megan becoming anxious. I looked to Katie, who whispered to me, “I told you Sunday when we came back from dinner.” I tried to remember and finally did. She had mentioned two weeks around Megan’s wedding, but I had tuned her out, thinking she was talking about herself. But I now remembered her saying ‘we, not I’.

Mom turned to me, “Caryn, are you still willing to do it?” …I looked to Megan, as I took time to think it through.

Megan said, “Yes. It is up to you. I don’t want to stress you out. We’ll figure something out for the wedding. I’m sorry, but since I thought of it, I’ve treasured the idea. I was even planning for you to be like my little sister for two weeks. I also thought of having you at college for the sisters’ weekend this spring. I got ahead of myself, I guess I was being selfish.”

“Mom, I’d like to try all of it, but we need to talk to the doctors about things not changing…”

To be continued…