With the trans population being around 0.5%, politicians can afford to not want your vote. At 0.5 % you are useful as scapegoats though. The recent church shooting, and the trans man in Nashville in 2023 shooting up a school. is really not going to help with the hate. You will get them saying "See, trans people are really mentally ill" this just goes to prove it.
In the UK as in the US we have a lot of hate about illegal immigrants. In 2023 we had 860,000 immigrants come to the UK. All the hate is directed at the illegal ones that float over from France in rubber dinghies. There are about 100,000 of those per year. These seem to be 90% young men. The problem is, they used to be put in detention centers, but now they are housed in hotels. This gives them a lot of freedom. With the immigration procedure taking 12 months, it gives ample opportunity for the "wrong un's" to show their true nature. It will only be a few out of the hundreds of thousands. But just like trans people, a few bad examples will be held up and they will say " Look! see what they are like.
Vote for us and we will keep your children safe" After all, the Nazis said Jews used the blood of non-Jewish children in rituals.
I do understand, that in both countries it is costing a hell of a lot of money. In the UK in 2023/24, the Home Office spent approximately £4.7 billion on asylum support, including £3 billion on hotels, and the overall cost of the asylum system was estimated to be around £3 billion a year and rising. So I do see why normally moderate people join in the hate.
Hitler rose to power by directing hate towards the Jews. So trans people and illegal immigrants are the "new Jews" I wonder if they will want trans people wear a symbol of some sort?
There is a strange thing going on in the UK currently. People are putting the Union flag and the English, cross of St George everywhere. This is a reaction to some very left wing councils taking down these flags, but allowing Palestinian flags to be flown.
Not a good time to be trans in the UK or the USA. I am lucky I only cross over for around 10 days a year. I wish it could be more, but I fear for what you ladies will have to put up with when I hear the venom spewing from the TV/Radio TERFs. DNA testing or ID cards when using toilets will be necessary if they have their way.
Am I being too pessimistic?
Comments
New World
Life is for the brave, I transitioned many decades ago, and at that time we went back into the closet to live are lives as regular women, never to proclaim our true birth identity. It was safe, but did nothing to change our culture, or make life better for our children. But this new generation would not live in the background, or hide in the closet, they spoke with loud voices, proclaiming that they are here and deal with it. They are brave, and face the fall out from the worlds ire. This has to be done, and now, for if we as a part of the worlds population don't demand our place then we will be eliminated. There is so much more to say, but it all comes down to the old axiom, we are mad as hell and we are not going to take it any more, stop blaming us for your problems! Love you all. Emily
I think the activists
are part of the problem. I live in stealth, have done for four decades and don't intend changing my lifestyle for anyone. I had a paper declaring I was female, that was granted by act of parliament by an elected government, I don't see why a bunch of cretins, who aren't elected should be allowed to rule against, to fulfil the whimsy of a bunch of TERF fanatics funded by an idiot writer. We are too small to have political clout, and they majority don't listen to reason or logic because they are all stupid, obeying wrongful emotions and believing the spoutings of populist politicians and assorted snake oil sellers.
Angharad
I tend to agree with you. A
I tend to agree with you. A lot of backlash is created when agendas are pushed too far. I remember a few people on here said that trans in sports was the "wrong hill to die on" That has happened. Then you had idiot perverts that took advantage of the small acceptance that trans had obtained.
I saw a video of a fat bald guy in shorts and a bikini top trying to go into a female changing room. Clearly not trans in any way, but claiming to be. This sort of stuff gives the whole thing a bad reputation. Sometimes incidents like this are supported by part of the "community"
if I lived fulltime. I would go somewhere no one knew me as male and live in stealth. There is enough drama in life. I'm just not brave enough.
Leeanna
We'll get there
I know a lot of trans people. Like a lot, a lot. I’ve been to dozens of gender conferences, I’ve been a member of and led trans support groups, and I’ve even walked the halls of Congress to lobby for trans rights on a few occasions. We’re a big umbrella, and some of the people at the edges of that umbrella aren’t exactly our best representatives.
I feel like part of the problem is that we’re a self-selecting group. For every earnest teenager who’s transitioning, there’s a middle-aged crossdresser in a bad wig, no makeup, and a deep male voice who thinks it’s a giggle to get to use the ladies’ room. When we speak out against bathroom bills—and we should!—I groan inwardly every time I see that crossdresser blithely march in there. But when we fight for one of us, we fight for all of us.
Pride parades are great, but I look forward to the day when they’re not necessary. The ultimate win for trans people isn’t that we get to do whatever we want whenever we want, it’s when we get to live our lives in peace. However, it’s also a sad commentary on trans people how self-centered many of us are. We cry out for our freedoms (as well we should!), but we very often lack empathy when it comes to respecting or even acknowledging the impact that has on others.
We change hearts and minds just by being visible. I firmly believe we’re going to win the culture war, but we do so when everyday people see us just out living our lives. That takes time, but we’ll get there.
Conferences
I've been primarily to one conference in particular quite a large number of times.
When Southern Comfort conference in the US was in Georgia, I went to one where it rapidly spread throughout the conference that a drunken crossdresser had 'whipped it out' in the ladies room and peed into the sink. To make it worse, the encounter was with a cisgendered woman who walked in ...
I totally see the impact of those representatives of the community and from my first conference I sought to improve my ability to pass and finally transition. People argue whether passing matters or not, it damn well does and the ones who blatantly abuse the privilege (one wife of a crossdresser attendee recalled entering a ladies room where the crossdresser was standing to pee in a stall *sigh* and she pointedly reminded said crossdresser at least to give the figleaf of femininity by at least sitting down) ultimately does us a disservice when it came time for have to defend our rights.
Anyway, voice is very jarring and I know it is a very difficult thing for a lot of us to master but it is grating in a public toilet where women (including me) have to figure out if it is an abusive intruder or if it is merely a trans with a bad voice. As a member of the community I get it but the majority don't encounter us as much and could cause worry.
And yes I am obviously one of those earnest transitioners who worked her butt off to 'immigrate' to a new 'country' and work hard to earn the respect of my new 'countrywomen'. The closest analogy I have is that of my mother who never learned the language after she emigrated to the US and was never able to communicate effectively with the majority language speaking folk and not learn enough about the new country's culture. She was consequenty quite a bit socially isolated except when she went to Chinatown. She might've gotten naturalized but she never truly merged with her new country and insisted on imposing the same cultural standards she had on her children. It is not a rare situation but my grandmother's sister's daughter who was basically in the same generation as my mother managed the whole language and culture thing quite well.
Finally, I get it, some things a post-hormonal trans can have a hard time doing but please be respectful and as non-obtrusive in public women's facilities for all of our sakes. I doubt the majority of us are so horrible as some of the above incidents but it does not take much as a community on the margins to cause problems.
Bathroom etiquette is crucial
Simple rule of thumb: get in, do your business sitting down, and get out.
You needn't interact with other women more than a slight nod and a smile. That is unless they speak directly to you. Even at that, keep it short and sweet.
I've been using the ladies room when out and about for about 20 years now. Going by the above rules, I've only been accosted once and that was for using the handicap stall with no noticeable handicap. (I broke my knee when I was 58 and bending it far enough to stand up from a standard toilet is a pain -- quite literally.)
What it boils down to is the old axiom,
When passing urine women sit, so everyone using the ladies should do likewise. Also, they customarily wipe, so all others should at least go through the motions of wiping.
As far as voice goes, the older I get the easier it is. Speaking softly in just a little more than a stage whisper works well so long as you keep it in the upper register of your natural voice range. Forget falsetto. that's a big give away.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin ein femininer Mann
Limits to our freedoms
One of the fundamental principles of personal freedoms that was hammered into us in law school was: Your own personal freedom ends where the next person's personal freedom starts.
And in my personal opinion, it is precisely this lack of respect or acknowledgement of the impact our own demands have on others, that is the fundamental fuel for the huge [political] backlash we are experiencing against our own [trans] community. Thus we have nobody but ourselves to blame.
wrong hill to die on...
Pretty sure that you are quoting me, and I stand by it. For that matter I wouldn't want to share women's toilets or hospital wards or even a prison cell with a rapist who puts a skirt on and demands to be allowed entry... But here we are.
I transitioned around 1990 and it was a lot harder to be accepted then that it has been for the last 20 years. However, we are getting close to a place where our lives could become harder - perhaps much harder - that it was in 1990. We have now been spoken out against by the leaders of 3 major political parties, and the remainder are Lib Dems and Greens - neither of which have any chances of winning our next election. I expected this kind on shit from the Tories and Reform, but I thought Labour were a bit better than that. here we go again.
Alison
It took me decades to face my true self……..
Looking back on my life, I knew who and what I was at a very early age - but unfortunately neither I nor the world was in a position to allow me to become that girl. Perhaps I could have transitioned after leaving home at 18, but by that point in time I was too far in denial - and the world around me was not ready either. So I buried the girl that I was deep beneath a facade of masculinity. I never became some hyper masculine specimen, but I did “man up” as the saying goes. I pushed myself to excel in sports, even though I was only of average build (so soccer, indoor track, and baseball became my sports of choice), and I followed the suggestion of my teachers and guidance counselors into an engineering path which I was well suited for intellectually. I also pursued a career in the military, as was traditional for my southern family, turning down an appointment to the US Naval Academy and accepting a full ride NROTC scholarship to USC instead. This was my first big act of rebellion from my family, going Navy instead of Army, and was the beginning of my escape from the prejudice and bigotry bred into many of them.
But it was also a continuation of my denial of my true self. Not only did I continue down a male dominated educational path (while in hindsight I would have chosen a different career if I had acknowledged my true self), but I also pushed myself into ever more masculine and dangerous career paths in the military. It took me years to acknowledge that I was subconsciously seeking not just opportunities to prove my masculinity, but also placing myself into ever more dangerous situations in order to commit suicide by proxy. I never quite succeeded at getting myself killed, but not for want of trying, and I do have the scars that went with the attempt - both physical and psychological.
But eventually, after years of therapy and self-reflection, I was able to face up to who I truly am, and to make a decision to move forward with my life as the woman I really was/am.
When I came out to my family, my friends, and my employer, I knew that I could lose everything - and I did lose much. I found out very quickly which members of my family truly loved me, who was a true friend, and how the professional world saw me and dealt with me. I lost family and friends, but now I know who real cares about me. I went through several setbacks professionally, but I survived - mainly because of my education, experience, and background. It took me a few years to get back to where I was pre-transition, but I was much luckier than many other transgender people. Between my education, my skills, my experience, and my years of developing personal and professional contacts, I was able to move forward professionally, recover the loss of income and position I suffered due to transitioning, and actually ended up better than I was previously. Being born in California, and living in New York State, were both lucky accidents for me when I transitioned.
Anyway, to get to the point here, I don’t hide the fact that I am transgender, nor do I advertise it. I am simply who I am; those around me can deal with it, or they can stay the fuck away from me and mine. Professionally, they either treat me respectfully like the woman I am, or I don’t do business with them. I have in fact cut ties with multiple vendors due to a representative who refuses to address me properly, or treat me with respect. I have actually gotten several sales reps terminated by contacting the presidents of the companies they represent and letting them know they were losing a multi-million dollar account because of their representatives ignorance and prejudice.
I don’t walk around with a sign that proclaims I am transgender, and I don’t carry a chip on my shoulder. I am not over the top politically or socially, but I don’t hide who I am or my views/opinions. I dress much more feminine and professionally than many of the women I work with and interact with, and I am always a lady. But let’s face facts - I am 5’10” tall, my shoulders are a little too broad, my hips a little too small, my hands a little larger than the average woman, and my voice is a rich contralto at best. I am passable, but as soon as I stand up (especially in a three or four inch heel), or as soon as I speak, people tend to notice and wonder. The more rude ones stare.
The latest estimates for the US are that between .95% and 1.6% of the US population identify as either transgender or non-binary. The US Census Bureau estimates .95% of the population based on data compiled in 2024, The Williams Institute at UCLA suggests that around 1% of those 13 and older identify as transgender, and a Pew Research Center survey from 2022 found that 1.6% of US adults identify as transgender or non-binary. Using UCLA’s number of 1%, this is over 2.8 million people just in the US.
That is not a number that can be simply wished out of existence, no matter how hard the MAGA world tries to do so. Yes, we are a minority, but there have always been transgender people, and there always will be transgender people. Yes, we have and are suffering setbacks politically and even socially today - and yes, as a community we may very well have brought some of this upon ourselves by pushing too far, too fast. But we must stay the course! Only by being true to ourselves can we fulfill our destinies.
There was a movie, Dark of the Sun, back in the ‘60’s, about mercenaries in Africa. In it, Jim Brown’s character says, “I came down out of the trees by invitation and I'll kill anybody who tries to send me back up again. Russian, Chinese, English, Belgian, or United States. You take your pick.” Well, the way I look at it, I might have come out of the closet all on my own, but like Jim Brown’s character, I’m not going back without one hell of a fight either.
D. Eden
“Hier stehe ich; ich kann nicht anders. Gott helfe mir.”
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
I see the UK government are looking at ID cards again.
This could be my downfall if we are asked to present them before using female facilities, especially after the SC ruling stating that transwomen aren't female. I would beg to differ. The cards are designed to distinguish between natives and illegal immigrants. I'm even more sick of that one than the trans argument.I believe it has also been whipped by the rightwing media and like the trans problem is largely spurious.
Angharad
I've had an ID Card ...
... almost all my life. Mind you, I was (literally) a babe in arms and my mother, who died in 1944, signed it for me. I found it amongst a load of old stuff I found when my father and step mother moved from the family home. I think everyone was required to have one during WW2, along with Ration Books.
I can't help thinking they might have been useful when we were still in the EU if they could have been used for travel. I feel for you though if they stop, or threaten your stealth status. It all goes too far.
I can see the arguments regarding sport but having watched matches in the current Rugby World cup and the extremely unladylike performance and aggression of the players, I'm not so sure. That the English Roses thrashed the US team 69 7 gave me some satisfaction :) The women are as aggressive as the men until the end when they hug each other.
Rugby is not much of a sport……..
In the US, butI do believe that the US Women’s team took bronze in the 2024 Olympic Games.
And by the way, Great Britain finished seventh.
Do you like apples? We beat your team. How do you like those apples?
D. Eden
“Hier stehe ich; ich kann nicht anders. Gott helfe mir.”
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
With the state of our economy
With the state of our economy, we can't even afford to keep many public toilets open or even cleaned. So I doubt that there will be any toilet wardens inspecting ID cards. The few times I use the "ladies" I often wait to make sure that there is no one in their before I go in.
I am not trans, but only because I have a family that would not understand. I would lose family and my job if I came out. So I count as a crossdresser when I have the chance to be Leeanna. I do seem to pass well enough in the street, but I avoid close inspection. When inside I only exit to wash my hands when it is quiet. It has worked for me so far.
Leeanna