It was the second Wednesday of the semester. It was also the second Wednesday that freshman Tommy and his parents had a meeting with the Principal. Tommy had not enjoyed the first meeting. Not at all. He didn’t expect to enjoy this meeting either. How could he have been so stupid?
The Principal’s office was like most Principal’s offices. The Principal was deceptively ordinary looking. On the other side of the desk sat the Parson family. Father, David, dressed in a conservative suit looked like an architype middle manager at a bank, which he was. Clara, the mother in a skirt suit, looked like she had just come from a church committee meeting, which she had. Both looked quite good. So did their son Thomas, usually called Tommy.
Every part of his outfit set off the other parts perfectly. The shoes, the socks, the short but not too short skirt and the blouse. The only thing detracting from the almost perfect picture was the make-up. Tommy apparently hadn’t heard about “less is more”.
Principal: “Thank you for coming. There are a few things I have to settle with you.”
Father: “Is it about the skirt?”
Principal: “That’s part of it but”
Father: “I don’t like it but he has every right to wear it. There is no rule against it and it’s every American’s birthright to make as big a fool of himself as he wants. It doesn’t matter if it’s the president or a high school freshman”.
Mother: “He only did it because he was so disappointed after that you punished him last week. He claims he was innocent and it was a miscarriage of justice. The fact that I forced him to relinquish his favorite jeans that needed washing didn’t help so he went into his sister’s room and borrowed a skirt.”
Father: “Without asking. But that is an internal family matter and the school has nothing to do with that. And he apologized that same evening and then went out and bought a skirt for himself. And if I may add, he has better taste than his sister. He has worn that skirt a whole week and you haven’t acted before now.”
Principal: “Tommy, you were right. I did treat you terribly last week. Even 62-year-old principals have to learn lessons apparently. You impressed me. You maintained your innocence clearly and without theatrics. So I started to look closer into the matter. I’m afraid that I took a teacher’s word without questioning it. I’m deeply disappointed by the shop teacher, Mr. Sanders. My investigation found that Mr. Sanders is a bully. Not only did he use language unbecoming a teacher, he also quite happily lied to me and he framed a student, you. I’m deeply sorry. I apologize for my actions. The incident will not be removed from your record. I prefer to leave it there with a full explanation of the real circumstances. I can’t give you back the time you spent in detention but time served will be credited in the unlikely case you have future problems. However, there is something in this connection that needs to be addressed. Mr. Sanders has taken early retirement effective immediately. The only replacement I’ve been able to find with short notice is not as skilled. Mr. Sanders was a highly appreciated teacher by students not victims of his bullying. I’m afraid that your fellow students will resent you. So I have an alternative class to suggest. Beauty class.”
Father: “Listen to him, Tommy. Just look at yourself in the mirror. You need it.”
Principal: “I’m thinking more about future career possibilities. Many men have found lucrative careers in the field and it’s always a good idea to have a fallback.”
Mother starts humming “Beauty School Dropout”. Tommy, who never has seen “Grease” just looks perplexed.
Principal: “Ah, about that. I don’t think Tommy will drop out. This brings me to another point. I’m afraid I’ve made another mistaken assumption. Looking at his middle school grades I underestimated him and he was placed in not very challenging classes. Since Tommy started wearing a skirt to school he has been much more focused in class. This has revealed that Tommy has a significantly keener brain than he had seen fit to show earlier. Yes, a most sharp and interesting mind has been unearthed. Always a pleasure for me. As a consequence I think that he, and the school, would benefit from some class changes, well to be honest a complete change. Tommy, I suspect that one of your problems is that you have been under-stimulated. Your former classmates from middle school have also told me that you have been much more cheerful since you started wearing your skirt. Perhaps that’s why you have become so popular with the cheerleaders.”
Father: “A work colleague told me that Tommy had done a hilarious parody of cheerleading ending with him going down into a split. Is that true?”
Principal: “According to the head varsity cheerleader that rumor is correct.”
Mother: “Tommy has always been very flexible.”
Principal: “Thank you for bringing that up. Tommy, when we are finished here Coach Jones wants to talk to you.”
Tommy: “Coach Jones?”
Principal: “The girls’ coach. She saw you little stunt. Even if it lacked in technique she thinks you will make an excellent JV cheerleader. Since you wear a skirt every day I don’t think you’ll have any problem with the uniform.”
Father: Great! I’ve reluctantly come to accept that Tommy isn’t football material but this way he can support the team on the field. I like it!”
Principal: Miss Roberts also wants to speak with you, Tommy. The drama club is doing the musical Can-Can this year and she needs someone who can do the splits effortlessly for the role of Claudine, the lead dancer.”
Father: That will be sight for sore eyes, a boys hairy legs on stage.”
Principal: “Some shaving might be necessary but I have ahm acquired a paper with the results of an unofficial poll conducted by the football team. I’d like to stress that it was unofficial and not in any way condoned by the school. However, the poll ranks the prettiest legs in school. Tommy, I sorry to inform you that you were only the second runner up.”
Mother: “But Tommy is no dancer. He dropped out of ballet at age 10. He just refused to go there anymore.”
Principal: “Ah, no problem. Some years ago an alumnus donated a considerable sum to the drama club specifically to finance dance training for all students that go on stage.”
Mother: “Tommy, did you know that I met your father in drama club in high school. We had a dance act together. He was so handsome and a good dancer too.”
Father: “Not good enough. I wanted to continue in college but was told I wasn’t good enough. So Tommy, here is your chance to beat your old man!”
Principal: “Before you leave, here is the new schedule for Tommy I suggest. I’ve taken the liberty to make some assumptions. I know, I know. I should be more careful about making assumptions but I have no doubts that will make an excellent cheerleader and become a valuable member of the drama club. If you agree Tommy can bring the signed approval with him tomorrow morning so he can start his new classes immediately. Tommy, may I once more tell you how happy I am to see how you have turned things around since you started wearing your very becoming skirt. I sincerely hope, nay, I beg you. Please continue to wear skirts to school, or if you prefer a pretty dress.
Father: “No problem. He will. Apparently when wearing a skirt he’s a son that every father would be proud of.”
Mother: Does this mean that we can do some mother-daughter shopping?”
Tommy: “MO-OM!”
Father: Look at him. I’m sorry dear but Tommy is quite obviously more in tune with contemporary teenage fashion than you are.”
Mother: “Just once, please Tommy!”
Tommy: “Stop embarrassing me. OK. Once! And that’s it!”
As the family leaves the Principal’s office Tommy reflects that he had been more than justified to fear this meeting, even more than the one last Wednesday.