Hi everyone!

I just completed a full week back at work after a week off for snow. Sadly I was sick that week with an upper respiratory infection. I usually write early in the morning, but all last week I woke up feeling like death warmed over and didn't feel better until the afternoon. Luckily, I guess, I got better right in time for work.

I just wanted to share a bit about myself this week.

I'm 46, almost 47. Have been married since I was 20. I bought my first house at 21, finished college at 22. I kind of skipped my youth, at least the wild irresponsible part of it.

I had a great childhood with two parents, a big extended family, and childhood friends on my street. I grew up in small town subdivision a couple miles from town, we had fields and forests right behind our house. so like pretty awesome.

I kind had a growing suspicion that something wasn't "normal" about me as early as the second grade. I don't think I ever came out and told my parents I wanted "girl things" but I also remember many times being told that I was "acting sissy" though I can't really remember what that meant.

I do know that I became very worried about looking out of place, or attracting attention while also secretly becoming very curious about these mysterious "girl things." I do remember a few specifics. I had a brother a couple years younger than me, but it seemed like I wanted "girl things" in our house and I think in my 8 year old brain that come from having a baby sister. I also wanted to baby sit and play with my baby cousins, but I was also aware that this might be more of that, "acting sissy" stuff that I had been teased about.

One of my best friends was a girl who lived up the street. She started telling me about some of the stuff her friends got up to, slumber parties, makeup. I had nightmares about being chased around by them so they could turn me into one of them at a slumber party.

I was very good at keep all this stuff hidden, but all the shame, secrets and hiding led to some really odd behavior, but luckily relatively harmless and not self destructive stuff.

That's enough for today, but I'll get more into what led me to writing, and ultimately considering transition in the future. Is any of this familar to you?