I think its wonderful that thousands of years ago, humans gave cute nicknames to pets, wrote each other love letters, made complaints about not being paid enough, and wrote graffiti on walls.

We really haven't changed all that much.

Since I got out of the hospital, I just haven't had any energy for writing, so I don't know when I might have something new for you all.

such is life.

It has been a damned serious business... Blucher and I have lost 30,000 men. It has been a damned nice thing — the nearest run thing you ever saw in your life. … By God! I don't think it would have been done if I had not been there. {Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington, spoken to Arthur Creavey in an interview after the Battle of Waterloo.}

a rhetorical question of course but one minute it was starting, the next its gone! At least, that's what it feels like

As I age, I find I am less interested in finding a sexual partner, and want to find someone who would hold me and stroke me, and tell me I'm a good girl and . . . I've become a dog, haven't I?

People sometimes joke about the perm.

Or ask why it matters so much.

The truth is… it’s not really about the hairstyle itself.

Over time, I realized something:
A lot of trans people don’t just mourn being denied acceptance.

We mourn versions of ourselves we never got to openly become.

I can still picture the girl I thought I would have been growing up:
floofy dresses, pigtails, bangs, braids, curly hair bouncing everywhere.

We just do not get decent weather on Bank Holiday weekends!

Yesterday so i must apologise for not posting until today!

Hi everyone,

I wanted to apologize for taking Mother’s Day weekend off from Under The Rainbow. I had every intention of posting on schedule, but between family, the emotional weight of the weekend, and just being exhausted, I didn’t have the energy to finish the story the way it deserved.

These stories are deeply personal, and sometimes revisiting these moments takes more out of me than I expect.

But the series is continuing.

For some reason, I found myself thinking about my stepfather today.

I think I have moved past hating him, and now I see him is just a pathetic bully and liar.

Still have PTSD because of him, though, so I guess I just have to live with that.

Well not quite but it has made the last few days less pleasant.

so apparently, yesterday was my 17th anniversary of being in this place.

Where does the time go?

to the new month

Something a bit personal from QueerDispatch this week.

The latest Under the Rainbow story is called
The Times I Got Caught.

Before I talk about the time I didn’t run, I needed to talk about the times I got caught.
This story goes back to high school, to hidden pieces of myself, to a painful moment with my family,
and to the kind of words that stay with you long after they are said.

So today we realized there were a bunch of stuff that hadn't been done around here since I went into the hospital, and since i was in manic mode, I decided to try and reduce the list a little.

I did pretty well, but at some point the manic fog lifted enough for me to realize i had pushed myself as much as I could, and for once I actually listened to my body and called it a day.

It probably doesn't seem like much, but I'm a little proud I could override the manic and realize when I needed to stop.

You know, I feel sure that at some point as a teen I wished to be surrounded by beautiful women who want to take care of me.

Now that I am home from the hospital, I guess I can scratch that one off the list, but man, I gotta wish more carefully!

Something a Bit Different From QueerDispatch: Introducing Under the Rainbow

A little while ago, I shared a QueerDispatch piece about twirling in a sundress at Disney World, and how one small moment of joy can say something much larger about who gets to feel safe being themselves.

That story helped clarify something for me.

QueerDispatch needs room not only for sharp political commentary, but also for quieter, more personal stories about memory, identity, survival, and the moments that shape us long before we have the language to explain them.

which is a bit annoying given the sunshine!

I met up with Mike (my angel) who takes Leeanna out into the big bad world. We first went out on short walks after dark only. Last year this progressed to being out in the day in quite out of the way locations. Then late last year going to places where the were a small number of people.

Last weekend, we visited a small WW2 Museum and a very busy castle.

the fields and hedgerows are filled with song and colour!

on the way to the forum!

well i'd rather ride!

to this week