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Comments
lovely Story
Very well done, nicely paced and a pleasure to read. Looking forward to future chapters.
Goddess Bless you
Love Desiree
Goddess Bless you
Love Desiree
Holly's Maid
Excellent start. Can't wait to read the next
chapter. I like the way you developed the
main characters. I got to know them. Thank you.
Kaptin Nibbles
Holly's maid/maid
Is a good story with potential. I look forwaed to reading more.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
thank you one and all
Many many thanks. I am new to the site of course but I love being here already ... By the way....not sure how it go messed up bit the title is suppose to be Holly's Made/maid......the ending will prove the Made part......Thanks again
Thanks BC....hope I got it right this time...lol
Lovely story.
So far so good. You are very creative. I like the story line; haven't seen one along these lines in a while.
Much Peace
Khaduuj
It's hard to read and understand this...
Because you have both people talking back and forth with each other in the same paragraph many times here.
A fairly common rule used in writing is to separate people talking, each person speaking in their own paragraph. Doing this makes it easier to follow a conversation, thus making it easier to understand the interactions as they continue to talk to each other.
I would be much more likely to read this with it being formatted as I suggested here. The story idea itself is fine.