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Story continues
to take many turns... When will Jaden finally stand up to her family, stand up to the sprite that has bonded to her and when will she be honest with herself? These are the questions and I think one of her friends will actually provide either a solution or an answer to one or all of those questions. Stay tuned as Melange takes us on that great journey.
SDom111
Men should be Men and the rest should be as feminine as they can be
It's one of those stories
That's very sweet of you to say, Dom!
Clearly, this reader has been peering into the crystal ball again! But, who knows what will happen in the next chapter?
... well, I know, but I'm not telling! (Until next week, that is :) )
Oh Wow!
I loved the bit with the necklace. However the business with the Lacuni buying mystical creatures have a sinister feel. It also suggests that is why the Warmaster is truly there. The question is he there investigating or there approving the purchase?
And Jaden gets her first real clue that there is magic that can help. However first she has to free the dragons and help that poor dryad. Then she can go hunt down those elves. Hmmm... I wonder if the Elven delegation would help free those enslaved? There were trapped on elven lands.
Just great stuff!
hugs
Grover
Glee!
There's certainly something rotten in the state of De- uh... Alband!
Can you feel those plots? Can you FEEL them? All the plots! :D
Poor Dryad is right
God it made me so sad, it reminds me of all the raping and pillaging mankind has done to our poor wildlife.
I am happy/sad that I do not have children, consequently. Everybody who has children always claim that it would be their little one who will be the next Einsteain or something, trying to justify having that one extra child. Good luck with that!
Less is more I say.
Kim
Themes
That scene was a little hard for me to write. So far I've covered light-hearted comedy (even some slapstick), a little action, adventure, and mystery. It's probably a good experience, though, to delve into some of the darker aspects of our history. Maybe in this world, we can do something different? :)
Within reason of course
There are some themes by common consent are there but are taboo or is so obvious that it serves no purpose to go into, eg incest, pedophilia etc. Those in my opinion should only be touched on in tangent and only for solid need in the story for it to be there. I have objected, and was censored for it, to incestuous behavior of the main protagonist of a story posted here where in my opinion really only served a very secondary background to the person which to me needlessly fouled up the story.
There are enough horrors and less than charitable parts of the human experience that is present without including too much of the extremes needlessly.
Kim
Oh, of course!
I didn't mean to dive into absolute misery and abject horror, Kimmieburger! I was thinking more along the lines of, "to appreciate the peaks, we have to be aware of the chasms". My story has, on the whole, been fairly positive. Sure, there's been pain, loss, death - but there's also been an abundance of friendship, love, and hope. I just wanted to make sure it's a balanced story, that recognised and acknowledges that there is, in fact, a lot of darkness in the world.
Just that, nothing more :)
I loved the new start to the next adventure.
I'm right back there to AD&D and adventuring in Waterdeep with the city adventure vibe to it.
So happy I took the time to get caught up:)
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Roll for initiative!
Cities offer so much in ways of interesting story locations. Markets, towers, bridges, harbours, taverns, and so on - they each provide a nice backdrop for a romantic scene or the random panicked flight from a horrible abomination bent on total consumption. You know, the usual :)
Mistaken Identity?
Wonderful story telling as always Melange. Neither the meeting with Jaden's sister nor the beginning of another adventure disappoint. Even if she did not intend it, she's broken cover and showed her now true form. It seems that the revelation to the group will be sooner rather than later. Maybe. In a land where magic is real the most obvious to us may not be what ends up happening. I look forward to your next chapter. Well done!
Exploring the impossibilities,
Jo Dora Webster on YouTube
Doom?
Thanks Jo! :)
It's all those Nymphs fault, though. If they only wove their ratty silk kerchiefs a little sturdier, we wouldn't be in this situation! What IS the world coming to?
More specifically
... they are probably those Chinese Nymphs, outsourcing, tsk tsk ;)
Kim
Cheap knockoffs
That made me think. What country or culture in the world this story is taking place in, would have the reputation of making cheap or low-quality products meant to undercut a current market? Probably none, in the traditional sense, since this world is magic-reliant, and pre-industrial. I can't imagine mass production is any significant scale.
Though, the idea of the dwarves of Atun keeping a sweatshop of slave-goblins to churn out cheap "genuine dwarven jewellery", is more amusing that it should be :)
Oh I don't know
Why can't there be a concept of a spell that takes a lot of shortcuts (eg little power) to produce low quality spells to cheat the non-magical folks and such. That is already what seems to be implied. Maybe like the suppliers could be the Jawas of magic, to thoroughly confuse metaphors?
So how would cheap spells look in the magical sight, incoherent and insubstantial threads?
Oh and for mass production, maybe there is a magic barrel that one just throws ordinary stuff in to 'infuse' it with magical qualities in bulk. Not exactly ritual grade magical manufacturing, but...
Kim
Jawa spellsmiths!
First off: Utinni!
With that out of the way, I can totally imagine there being less scrupulous magicians who do take shortcuts with inferior materials and haphazard rituals to make a bigger profit out of their products - I just couldn't see if there would be a culture that people was automatically a little prejudiced against (Chinese knockoffs, Made in Taiwan, Danish umbrellas, things like that). I don't want to put it on the Olmans again. They have hard enough time as it is.
A cheap spell - some sort of enchantment the magician didn't bother doing right - would probably look frazzled and would unravel quicker than a properly cast one. All active magic requires some sort of maintenance from a magician, unless it has changed the very properties of an object (or creature). For instance, a magic sword would remain 'enchanted', but a magic lantern would eventually burn out.
I like your idea of a magic forge where you could just drop a heap of junk, and pull out some iffy-looking horseshoes ("Hamos? They're all backwards!"). I might even borrow that :P
Hmm...
Well, one way or another, you are gradually building up to the point where Jaden will have to reveal his/her changes to his/her friends. However, at the moment, it looks like that (emotional) arc is going to complete before the overt physical arcs do. What's your plan going forward? (Note: I'm not expecting you to answer that directly in the commentary, I'm simply asking it as a technical note.) Once you've brought that out into the open you'll have relieved a lot of the dynamic tension propelling the story. You've got other emotional elements in play, is one of them going to take over? Will the other emotional elements in play be strong enough to take over as a main driving arc?
Hm... Lilya is a Basilisk eh? That's certainly in keeping with the family's draconic tendencies. Also ... in keeping with my earlier "Stone" metaphor ;) Lilya's conversation with Jaden was pretty much what I had expected, but to be honest, I was a bit surprised at the level of sympathy she showed. I was actually expecting the moral indignation and outrage quotient to be a little higher from her.
Jaden's mother is still alive? Why did I have the impression she was deceased? Was I just completely wrong about that? That would certainly add an interesting emotional dynamic to the whole family interaction if she is still alive.
I appreciate the clarification as to who the two people Rhyce buried were, but the fact that he still buys his wife gifts is ... a bit morbid. Rhyce needs to learn to move on. Honoring the past is good, but living in it ... not so good.
I hope we're going to see more of Mirena's relationships with her family, that looks like a rich emotional vein to tap, though at this point it seems a bit more tangential to the main plot.
Obviously, one of the biggest post-reveal questions is going to be how Stann and Ollie will handle Jaden's changes.
On that subject, I'm going to have to give you the skeptical-eyebrow-raise with regard to the physical action that took place between Ollie and Jaden during this installment. Ollie actually notices how similar the voices of Jaden and "his" sister are. Ollie lands on top of Jaden, in an extremely intimate fashion during their impromptu picnic. Then they actually hug-and-kiss to distract the people pursuing them, and finally, she actually pokes Jaden in the breast after "he" admits to using an illusion to mask his features. I get that despite her street-wise ways Ollie is still supposed to be pretty young and naive with regard to male-female interactions, but my credulity is being strained by how oblivious she seems to be that Jaden has a female shape underneath "his" illusion. Now, some women aren't quite so ... obvious (physically) ... and you might not notice their breasts when you hug them, but ... you've made it clear that Jaden is pretty well endowed. I'm finding it increasingly hard to believe that Ollie (still) isn't putting two-and-two together.
The overt, physical action continues to be episodic in nature, but it does look like you're working to tie those threads into a larger whole as well which is good. An episodic story is fine up to a point, but I think it does need to come together eventually. The reappearance of the Sons of the Husk patriarch is good.
Has Jaden finally lost "his" illusion generating scarf? That would certainly force the issue the next time he encounters his friends. I have to wonder if you're teasing us though, perhaps "he'll" be able to repair it. Regardless of whether or not he can repair it, I suspect we may see an installment or two where he's "under cover" interacting more directly with the Sons of the Husk patriarch. Hmm....
I'm also a bit curious as to how he's going to resolve the whole family issue thing without breaking off completely into his own sub-story. A lot of my interest in the story is how he interacts with his friends, yet the family issues he discusses with his sister seem to be something he'll need to work out without them (his friends). Is there a way to bring his friends into that portion of the plot?
Anyway, them's the ideas off the top of my head ... enjoyable installment, looking forward to the next one.
Illusions and connections
Congratulations on pegging Lilya's spirit! :)
Oleander is the youngest one of the group, by a couple of years, but having grown up on the streets she is probably the least naive of the bunch (aside from Rhyce). Illusions can be a funny thing, though. If we have no reason to suspect anything, we often just buy into whatever our eyes tells us, even if some of our other senses tell us otherwise. Oleander and Jaden have also known each other for over a year as well, so I don't feel that she is constantly re-evaluating what kind of person Jaden is. Luckily for Jaden, Oleander poked an illusion of an overweight dockworker, and the soft flesh underneath more or less matched her expectations. She doesn't really know the limitations of illusions anyway.
But! I appreciate you pointing out a potential plot-(or character)-hole! If I ever end up rewriting earlier chapters, I might come back and make more of a point of how Jaden tries to avoid physical contact or why people seem to not notice anything :)
About the action? Don't worry. I've got a crazy feeling things might be connected somehow!
To answer your most pertinent question, however: My plan for going forward? Why, it's cake. Always cake.
I don't think...
I don't think you need to go back and make it any more obvious that Jaden is increasingly reticent about touching other people. I think you've already done a good job pointing that out, and in also showing the covert reactions from people as they either figure it out (in Rhyce's case) or misinterpret it (in Stann's case).
Ollie's reactions and obliviousness tend to stand out in contrast specifically because everyone else (just about) seems to have noticed that something funny is going on (though not necessarily what the specifics are or the motivations behind those specifics). You're right of course that people tend to use mental shorthand for the visual appearance of people they know, but .... Ollie is supposed to be a street-wise thief, she should have a high base "notice-check" roll.
It's certainly not completely outside the realm of possibility that Ollie would still be oblivious, I'm just pointing out that I'm skating pretty close to my personal credulity limit on the subject. Ollie's pretty interested in Jaden, and has had chances for some fairly tactile interactions. It looks to me like she should start figuring it out soon. Does she notice that other Lacunai Mystics tend to develop "marks" that give them a non-human (or at least "different than their original") appearance?
Ollie
I'm sure that Ollie did notice some discrepancy on Jaden part but did not put two and two together and come to ten yet. That will probably come when she'll thought that Lilya was in the bath a few days back.
I guest you can say that Jaden mother went missing possibly in the mission in the flashback.
You got to wonder is there any lasting effects form the crystal skull.
Avidly waiting to next week.
Peace and Love
tmf
The power of love is a
The power of love is a curious thing. Make one girl peek, make another girl blind. Change a thief to an inattentive woman. More than a feeling...
Lilya did mention that their mother was angry with Jaden for running away, so if she was missing, she has had time to get back :)
What? Any lingering effects from rubbing your hands all over an Obsidian Skull Death Idol? (That name alone!) Preposterous!
the encounter with her sister went better than I hoped
but her current situation is pretty scary ....
Siblings who play dragon-eats-you together, stay together
Maybe it's not as scary as the author is misleading us to think?
Maybe this was all an elaborate ruse to lead Jaden back to a surprise birthday party? With cake and dwarven firemen strippers?
dwarven fireman strippers?
gee, thanks. I'm NEVER gonna get that image out of my head now ....
Enjoy!
Those hairy chests, the thick thighs. The truly bulbous noses! Drink it in, Dorothy! :)
Did someone say Dwarven Strippers? = )
Are they pot-bellied to the point that they have to lift their tummies to expose themselves, or are they slimline? : )
Interesting chapter here.
Jaden and Ollie discovered people trading in magical creatures, Jaden lost his/her -- more her these days -- scarf or veil to hold illusions, and now she is with the leader of the bad guys they first ran into in the story. Sheesh.
I don't think Oleander is unobservant regarding Jaden as much as she is very interested in him on a girl to guy basis and is probably ignoring things that would have her alarm bells ringing with her about anyone else. She wants to ignore things that don't jibe with her own picture of Jaden from when they first met.
Family issues are important here with Jaden, and how to handle how his friends will deal with his 'new' look. But first she has to deal with being so close to the Sons of Husk. That was a surprise, by the way.
My thoughts are that the tension won't go once she actually reveals herself to her friends, though the hiding things will be done. But regaining their trust because he hid his problem so long, so the tension will continue, just in a different direction.
Very nice chapter here.
Maggie
Bells and blinds
I believe we've all turned a blind eye to some strange actions or flaws in people we care deeply about. We only see what we want to see, after all.
Also, boom! Surprise! It was a little hard for me to keep my mouth shut when some comments pointed out how short and arbitrary the Sons of Husk arc felt :D
Thanks for reading, and here's hoping some things will come to light next chapter!
You had that actually
You had that actually planned? So no Solo quest for fucks sake? :) Because it really read that way...
Olli seems a bit willfully oblivious. Makes me wonder if that's thanks to a certain obsidan death skull curse and the fact that Jaden absorbed the magic. Maybe she doesn't reallize because the curse is still working and influencing her and Jaden doesn't want her to realize?
Anyway, I like how you've made Jaden an unreliable narrator. It seemed like his sister was being an ass, in reality it seems he just ran away from home, stole her inheritance and just wasted it for this stupid illusion scarf. If I was her I would be pissed too. The guy really really overreacted, didn't he? His mother seems like a person who'd probably kicked his father's ass for even sugesting to use her son as an information whore. His sister didn't exactly seem fond of the idea either. Although she didn't seem to have an idea. Dear daddy probably didn't part with the reason why Jaden ran away. It certainly wasn't his transformation in itself as he seems quite aware that the best way to cure it would have been at their castle.
Fucked up family dynamics, I guess.
Thank you for writing this captivating story, I can't wait for the next chapter,
Beyogi
Plotty-plot-plot!
In the words of Rhyce "No one point of view can embrace reality at a glance". That's one of the reasons I like to shift perspectives in the story - Jaden sees the world in a specific way, and has feelings that colours that point of view. As does everyone else. Only by looking through several sets of eyes do we approach the truth :)
I have actually planned recurring arcs into a third book, for many figures already seen - and some we have not yet met. To me, it shows a more living world if the paths of its people coincide every so often. Also, there might be plots. Epic plots, even? Mmm? Perhaps?
So there, Beyogi! :P
Wow... you showed me
Wow... you showed me :D
Seriously though, I've something new to be worried about. I really hope there will be character development for Jaden as he seems to grow progressively immature - at least in the eyes of the reader - as we learn more about his backstory.
I really hope he doesn't end up somewhat like Ranma or certain Urban Fantasy heroines, where status quo is god and who're utterly incapable of learning out of their mistakes. I mean the reader/viewer sees the pattern at the wall, but the protagonists stumbles from one trap to he next. I doubt that's something you've planned, but I guess it can be all too alluring to an author to keep the faults of their characters.
Jaden has kind of reached the point where he himself should be able to see that hiding isn't worth it. I really hope that kind of thing is a one time event and won't repeat. It's reaching the point where I just want to scream at him. I just hope he'll "fess up".
Can't wait for my epic plots :)
Thank you for writing,
Beyogi
Plots? Plots!
All in the eyes of the beholder, I suppose :) Please keep in mind that we've only known Jaden for about two weeks at this point. It's not been that long from their ill-fated adventure in Tier that started off this chain of events. That's some pretty big changes for a person to get used to, even if they were aware of the possibilities (or, inevitability) beforehand.
We're all creatures of path-of-least-resistance. As long as hiding was an option, Jaden felt compelled to continue to do so to be able to keep everything the way it was (a form of status quo, I suppose?), even in the face of what was happening. Now, however, she finds herself unveiled and in some pretty dangerous circumstances, with a certain person she probably would have wanted to avoid bumping into again :)
Can you smell the plots? Can you smell them?
It's sadly starting to look
It's sadly starting to look like Jaden has, as Giles once said of Wesley on BTVS, "the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone." She ran away from home over an argument, she traded a priceless family heirloom for a scarf (which she's now lost) to facilitate her ever growing tendency to lie, she's building walls and mistrust with the people most likely to accept her, and, despite seeming to have acknowledged her changes at the end of the first book, we're back to denial not just being a river in Egypt. Lots of adventure potential, soon, and magical creatures to rescue and rehabilitate, but storming the castles seems like the easy part to fix, at this point. Write faster! :)
Scones grow up into pie
One of my favourite things with this story is the foibles of the main characters. Jaden lies, hides, is vain and immature, runs away from responsibility. The protagonist of Horizons of the Heart is not a very impressive person, and certainly does not fit the description of an epic hero. And that's okay! That's fun for me. Our positive qualities may elevate us, but our flaws makes us human :)
The first book was, as you said, more about Jaden lying to him or herself. What IS the value of truth, if we're not truthful with ourselves? Still, up until now, Jaden has always had a safety net to fall back on, and has been able to keep lying to everyone (including Jaden). I wonder what will happen now when that's been taken out of the picture? :)
Read more about it next week!
Okay ... BIG can of worms opened here
What are all these magical creatures intended for? And from the way they are being handled the smugglers/traffickers either don't know how to care for them or simply don't care.
Lost magic scarf? It's woman-up time Jaden.
As to Olie.
Does she have desires for Jaden the male or the true Jaden, Jaden the female, that her confused senses are telling her lies beneath the illusion?
Stann? What mess will he and Olie...no that's those long dead comedians... What trouble will Stann fall into?
The crow, Rhyce and the necklace was very touching and odd.
I seems to me the wife was killed by magic or the crows were her's and the child's familiars? Remember Rhyce has some magical ability. What is there to say his late wife and child did not?
They are way too intelligent even for a smart bird such as a crow. It is as if a portion of the wife and child live on in the birds.
Were they cursed and their minds/spirits forced into the birds and then their human bodies died? A magic spell to farsee though the crows gone horridly wrong?
I know many birds are attracted to shinny things but why bury them at the wife's grave?
Could that be why he went rogue? He knew they were trapped in animal forms, probably without any hope of release or even entering heaven thus he snapped?
The sister of Jaden? Her link is changing her but something of his sweet though OLDER and competitive sister remains.
From the flashback I get the impressions, as others here noted, the mom was different after her mission. IE to Jaden she died that day she left.
Still think dear old dragon-y dad needs a dope slap. He is self righteous to the point of arrogance. Hope the magical being poachers are in some way tied to him or to his arrogance and foolishness.
And Jaden needs to accept who she has become. His sister suspects, at least knows something is not right with Jaden. Her master sees straight though the deceptions I suspect. And possibly even approves of who Jaden is now, except for the subterfuge.
I also noticed her inner spirit, the link to her bond, is trying to help her accept her emotions and her body. Still wonder why she chose HIM to bond with.
I suspect much of why she thinks her body is clumsy is not just operator error, IE she is not used to it quite yet. But more of HE is trying to fight it. Jaden is trying deliberately to *drive* her body like it is still male and that does not work.
LOVED it that the sister implied there IS substantial Elvin blood in their family line.
One thing I have noticed. Despite Jaden's many flaws when push comes to shove she bites the bullet and does what she must to save them.
What trouble will our rune master and our Paladin get into?
BTW PLEASE tell me she does NOT look like a female Richard Boone.
-- obscure reference to old radio/B&W TV Western --
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Actually Jaden's sister sees right through the illusion
... so she knows exactly what is happening at this point; Basilisk power.
Richard who? ;)
Kim
Basilisk powah!
That's right. You can't hide from sister dearest. She sees you.
All the worms!
... wait, what? I goggled Richard Boone, and he's some sort of Western actor? I'm not even sure what character you compared with this Boone bloke, but I can assure you that neither Jaden, nor Mirena, has a moustache and a pistol :)
In fact, an image that helped me shape the character Mirena can be found at this blog right here. As for Jaden, I imagine that this is a pretty close representation? (Both pictures shows dressed people, so don't worry :) )
Rhyce is ever full of mystery. Maybe the future will reveal more, or maybe he's said all he plans to for now? Who knows?
I had a bit of a giggle too when I had Lilya contradict her brother about the lack of elven blood in their family tree :P
Kellen and Mirena? They've got their own parts to play, for sure. Hopefully that does not include climbing around on tall, shifty-looking roofs. Mostly because Mirena can't climb in her armour, and Kellen will pull down a building before willingly getting to any height. Poor guy :)
I liked the possible Jaden image
but the metal bra on Mirena...
KINKY!
Oh, that was suit of armor?
Very lovely model BTW.
Though isn't much of hers a spiritual armor as a full coat of armor is unwieldy except as a shock troop on horseback?
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Full Metal Smite-alist
No, Mirena is actually wearing a full plate mail armour whenever she has the chance to prepare before battle, with a closed helmet (with visor) and shield to boot. She doesn't believe in the concept of Female Fantasy Armour.
When not smiting evil, she enjoys wearing nice gowns, though. She probably has a lighter chain mail armour for when a full tin can is not practical. The fact that she can run around in her heavy armour just shows how much of a badass she is :)
That was WOW!
I don't get how I only just now discovered this story. Or maybe I don't. This way I had a nice long read. Just a little too long perhaps. I started reading it somewhat late in the evening yesterday and didn't finish it until nearly 8 AM in the morning. I just couldn't story reading. It was THAT great.
No. Make that amazing. Nah, not good enough. This story is AWESOME!!!
I love the way you write it. With the great backgrounds of all the main characters. The friendly banter in the group. The fun to read, but sometimes completely useless lectures we get from Kellen. The character quirks, like Stann's obsession with Elven barmaids or Ollie's cooking. Small scenes that might not advance the plot but do add to the atmosphere of the story and some extra depth to the characters. And I suspect that most of these small scenes will even play a bigger part in the overall plot of the story. The great way you write. Your writing style. Your way with words. Oh, and did I mention that I love the way you write? If feels like you put some thought into every single word you wrote, while it all still feel very very natural. If there is any more of you to read anywhere on the internet, please tell me where and I'll go read it.
As for the story plot and the characters. I have little to really add. Just that I'm rooting for a relationship between Ollie and Jay. I think they make a really cute couple. Jay is a little clueless and Ollie isn't quite sure how to be anything but a tomboy about it. But I like that. And of course, I'm always rooting for the lesbian couples. That's just who I am. It's also why I really hope that they can both get over the fact that they're both girls, even if I have a hunch that Ollie won't have any problem with that. Jay might though. Anyway, fingers crossed for them.
Now, did I mention that this story is AWESOME? And that you, Melange, are an AWESOME writer? If not, I'll say it again right here. Melange, you are an AWESOME writer of an AWESOME story. There.
Another thing is, I also really enjoy world building. I'm just no good at writing and I think the plots and characters I come up with always seem a little, hmmm, shallow? I guess shallow it the right word. It's what I really admire about your story. Awesome characters, awesome world building, awesome plot and awesome use of and play with words.
P.S. One small thing I noticed is that even though many of the characters are around 30 years old or so, we haven't had the occasion where any of them has run into anyone they know from before the story started. Except for Jaden of course when she ran into her sister. Is there a reason for that or is that just the way things happened?
P.P.S. Fingers crossed for some lovey dovey between Ollie and Jay.
P.P.P.S. Did I mention that this is an AWESOME story?
Go to sleep!
(grabs her hang-glider and flies away on the winds of praise) WHEEE~!
Making my readers happy warms all my heartplaces! This is the first time, though, I've stolen someone sleep like this :)
I'm afraid I'll have to let you down here, though: I've actually not written anything like this before. I'm pretty much a newbie writer, as these things go. While I could point you to some forum-threads where I've done some very minor storytelling before (in the range of maybe 4-5,000 words total or so), they're pretty disjointed and often co-written with friends. I had a ton of fun doing those, though, and you could say it was what really got me into appreciating being a part of the writing, rather than just a lurker.
Thanks for reading, and please stay tuned for the next chapters. They'll probably come out on Fridays from here on.
I couldn't help it. Honest.
Once I started reading I just had to know what was on the next page. Metaphorically speaking at least. I read on my iPad, which turned Book 1 into a single very long page. By the time I was done with Book 1 it was getting light outside, but I just couldn't resist reading the next 2 chapters either.
I'll eagerly wait for Friday to get here. I hope I can stave off the withdrawal symptoms until then. In the meantime I'll be shipping for an Ollie×Jay crossing. You never know what crossing you fingers and lighting a candle can do for such things.
Have fun writing the next parts of the story! If you have only half as much fun writing this as I had reading this then even Civ 5 will seem bland and boring in comparison. Keep up the good work in any case. And do you maybe have any tips for any other prospective writers?
Just... one more page!
Haha! I've actually not played Civilisation 5 for weeks now. My attention span tends to jump to the next shiny thing every other day or so :)
Tips for a new writer? I am a new writer! But if I had to pick some tidbits of dubious wisdom, it would probably be:
* Do your homework. A book, like a house, shouldn't be built on an unstable foundation. Make sure you've got your characters and setting more or less clear in your mind (and on file) by the time you start writing. More ideas will come as your world grows, but it will help a ton if you've got a solid ground to stand on before starting that first chapter.
* Imagine the end. Think about how you want your story to end. You have your protagonists, you have a rough idea of the plot - but how will it conclude? Having a set goal will make it a lot easier to keep yourself on track as you write toward that end. It might be a long journey, with lots of twists and turns, but knowing that end will be your lighthouse on a dark sea of creativity.
* Don't be afraid. You'll make mistakes, you'll find yourself with ideas that makes no sense, and you'll do things that seems obvious to you, but the readers will just find puzzling. And that's okay! That's perfectly alright. Every chapter is a learning experience. Take from the previous pages any lessons you can, and make the next one something you can be even more proud of!
* Be ready for inspiration. You can't force good ideas, or amazing plots, or interesting characters. They will come when they're ready, so make sure you have something to write on when the muse brings home a bucket of imagination. Keep a notepad by your bed, one in your purse, and everywhere else. Or just have a monstrous memory. And write it down as soon as you can! Nothing is worse than remembering you've forgotten an amazing thing.
Also, cake.
Cake?
I was under the impression that the cake was a lie. Damn Portal! So the cake wasn't a lie? :P
Thanks for the advice :D.
Tip of the cake
Any time, Angaratoling!
If you come to think of any other tips, let me know!
Have Gun Will, Travel was a HUGE western series
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vP8zJKiqOY
Okay, now that is out of the way, what hornet's nest has Jaden and Olie stirred up?
Can the Dryad be and others be saved?
For what purpose, other than to make money, were they taken?
And what of our self conscious heroine. When will she reveal herself?
Without that scarf hiding her female body will be very difficult.
And what is the secret(s) behind Rhyce and the crows?
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
if she can
recover the scarf, and its long enough, why not wrap the breasts with it. if she can cross wrap the back it may allow her wings to deploy also.
hell of a cliff hanger there.
great chapter, thanks
Shreds of modesty
Sadly, the tatters of the mirage veil is stuck on a broken piece of roof planks on a storage house in the harbour, and Jaden is currently aimlessly following her new... friend around in forgotten tunnels under the city. Aside from that, Jaden's got a full set of poorly fitting clothes as it is, so it's not as if she's naked!
And while manifesting her spirit form often tend to ruin the clothes on her upper body as the wings burst out, Jaden really don't want to use that form. If she's pressed enough to call upon the inner spirit, any concerns for modesty are probably far from her mind at that point :)
Thanks for reading!
Well that's good
At least she doesn't turn all green and big and mindless and shreds AlL her clothes and winds up naked. Now that would be hard to explain :).
OTOH is she going to turn all red skinned too in 'normal' form as she drifts more and more? That would be moe of a problem then being a girl actually. In that case she might still need a mirage veil of some kind.
Kim
Drifting
All mystics who make regular use of their manifested form show more and more similarities to that shape, but at some point I imagine the changes will slow down and finally stop. Compare with daddy Garen, who has horns, some scales and claws - but is still of normal size and quite humanoid. Alam Hetagon has a bit of a fancy hairstyle and a pair of wings, but not much more than that to show of his gryphon form.
Then again, it has been mentioned that Jaden's case is somewhat strange, so who knows where the point of equilibrium will be? :)
Oh my
So, ummm, does Mrs. Tarasov get the, ummm, 'benefits' from the, erm, Dragon's 'contribution'?
^_^
Kim
All out of vanilla
I like to believe that an intimate relationship between two mystics will be, let's just say, quite spicy indeed! ;)
Well Jaden's spirit was
Well Jaden's spirit was rather humanoid in the first place. I'm not sure how alien demons really are, but Jaden still sleeps, still eats, still drinks and still loves. The only thing that has definitly changed is his appearance. Considering his father's changes those of Jaden might still be "less". In his case it just happens to be more obvious.
I'd also like to know if Jaden is really fully female now, or if he's still male "where it counts".
Demon anatomy
Demons is a grab-all term for ill-natured beings from other realities that cause mischief and disaster in the world of this story. For the purpose of most discussions, though, it's mostly used for the denizens of the Myriad Nether (a specific plane of reality). Are they humanoid? I like to imagine that some conform to our stereotypes of demonkind, whereas others are pretty alien.
As for how far the changes have gone with our luckless protagonist? Jaden really doesn't want to think about that too much right now. Too busy escaping from a class-mate void-beast together with a man that twice survived attempts to burn him alive!
i wasn't
thinking about right now but after you finish your current bout of murphy-ism and she has time to recover it. or is she going to be like from that old "clash of the titians" movie and just haphazardly loose powerful magical stuff all over the place?
Wardrobe malfunction
While I haven't seen that film, I can only imagine :)
As for Jaden, I'm sure she can find something better (anything, really) to use as a bikini-top than a ripped piece of silk. Whether it can be repaired or not, and if that would restore its magical properties, well, that remains to be seen.
I guess we'll have to... reeeaaad and find ooouuut! (sings and flails her arms)
not complaining but
now that I'm current I can only read as fast as you can write. so sing.., I mean write on!
Ow! The whip!
You bunch of slavedrivers! :)
I spent some time consulting my feelings about how to publish this story. For the first book, I had about two-thirds written once I began posting, and then I threw out a chapter every other day until it was completed. Now, I don't have that kind of buffer because I wanted to continue where I left off, so it's down to a chapter-a-week as I write them.
But I can't help but wonder about other authors I respect and enjoy reading, like Morpheus for instance. Is it preferable to finish the whole thing and post it as a single-book format, rather than chapters? I don't know. Maybe I'll do that for book three, but that would mean a month or more between the last chapter of book two, and the publishing of the third instalment.
Ponder-ponder-ponder.
Morpheus....
There are authors that work that way, but I believe Morpheus has a Yahoo group where he posts his stories on a part by part basis. Once he has finished his story, then he posts it on other story sites like this one and fictionmania.tv. He has done one story on a part by part basis here though AFAIK. I could be wrong in all this though, as I've never really found Morpheus' Yahoo group. I did try looking for it, but I was too unfamiliar with Yahoo to figure it out.
I don't really care much which method a writer uses. They each have their advantages and disadvantages. I'd say, work with whatever works best for you.
By drop or by flood
I suppose you're right, Angaratoling. I'll just continue experimenting until I find something I'm comfortable with - but that might have to wait until I'm finished with the Horizons of the Heart series.
Still, I have a lot of ideas and concepts, so it'll be fun to find out :D
The biggest problem with
posting as you go, is you can't easily go back and change things if a plot element pops that needs to be foreshadowed. Morpheus uses his Yahoo group to help him find such problems so he can go back and fix them.
If you can work by posting week by week then by all means continue. I'm addicted!
Hugs
Grover
Final polish
Oh dear. Yeah, that will certainly become a concern once the story becomes more complex. I can already now see some situations where I'd wanted to lay down more of a groundwork for future events...
Oh well! Once I'm finished with Jaden's journey, I'll just have to return to previous books and chapters and do the alterations then. Perhaps that will give previous readers a reason to go back and revisit the completed works, if they're curious about whether they can spot the changes or not? :)
writing
Morpheus has an established pattern and has all the habits necessary to churn out work. He's got what? Over 300 works now? A surprising number of which count as novel length. He can easily write in serial format and know exactly where he's going to end up (when working in a fiction format).
I wish I felt comfortable posting in serial format (I'd probably get at least some positive feedback which would be encouraging) but I don't really trust my ability to plot stuff. I write, quite a bit actually, but I tend to get bogged down and stall (mostly because I can't hammer out a good enough plot structure that will carry me through to the end of an idea). So ... I don't post anything, since I don't want to end up contributing to the vast volume of unfinished stuff out there on this, and many other sites.
I have one novel length-ish work I've been plinking away at for a couple of years now. I've probably put upwards of 80k words into it, but it needs major plot revisions, and a lot of that existing material will probably need to be discarded (which is painful, because I LIKE a lot of it, even though it simply doesn't fit my current conception of where I'm taking my plot). I think it was Stephen King who said "kill the pretty things" in reference to bits of writing that the author likes, but which simply don't fit.
I'm currently working on an entirely different project which has what I THINK is a tighter, better working plot which ... hopefully ... I'll be able to complete. However, I don't personally have any intention to ever post anything that I haven't actually FINISHED writing, simply because I don't trust myself enough. I am sure it was Stephen King who said "Write the first draft with the door closed, write the second with the door open", and that's pretty much what I feel I have to do to get anywhere. I HAVE to complete the first draft before I show anyone anything, because there's such a good chanced that I'll get bogged down and stop working on any given project.
I envy people who can actually write in serial format.
The joy of writing
Everyone writes in their own way, I suppose, and it's a whole process in finding that style that fits you best :)
Also, don't kill the pretty things - transplant them into a separate garden (or notepad), where you can keep them safe until you find a situation that suits them better! I have a big file where I keep things I think are amusing, or sweet, or interesting in some way. Some of it might be useful, some of it might not, but I can go back and reread it to get inspiration for other things.
When I write I tend to do a scene in pretty much stream-of-consciousness fashion first, writing what springs to mind. Then I'll revisit it once or twice as the chapter progresses, if I feel I should add or move something around. Finally, before actually posting, I reread it one final time (since I have to go through it anyway to add italicization tags and such), which often shows things I may have glossed over before.
I guess, in a way it comes down to how hard a critique you are on yourself? If you feel like it's alright to pursue perfection as an ideal, or a practical goal? :)
Remember, in writing (just as in painting), there are no mistakes - just happy little accidents you can always turn into something beautiful later on!
Such a good series.
I'm enjoying getting back to such an amazing story.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
No more so than its awesome readers!
Oh, hullo there Bailey-person! Thanks for saying so :)