“Did you sleep much?” Brynna’s standing behind me, doing something with my hair. I’ve finished showering and I’m mostly dressed for the day, save for the white apron that’s sitting folded on the table beside me. I manage to shake my head slightly, and tell her no. “Well there’s nothing to do for it,” I can hear the shrug in her voice as she braids the hair on the side of my head and loops it around the back to connect it with a braid she’s made on the other side.

“Thank you,” I say to her softly.

“For what, dear?” She asks, humming to herself.

“My hair,” I say simply, my voice cracking as I watch her work in the mirror in front of us.

“Think nothing of it,” She says, almost cheerfully. “But if you insist, then, you’re welcome.” She ruffles my hair and shoots me a grin in the mirror. I feel like a child, and I hate it.

We’re sitting in the servant’s dormitory, in a cubby off to the back that’s got a few mirrored vanities set up. I’ve already showered, and now I’m being ‘readied’ for the day. I don’t have a lot to say to her; my mind is racing with thoughts of home and a twisted collage of memories from the last month. I snap back to reality as she pats my arm and orders me out of the chair. I grab my pinafore apron and pull it over my head, doing my best to tie it in a bow, which she corrects for me.

“Today’s important,” She tells me. “The guests will be arriving soon.”

“What’s happening, exactly?” I ask, following her out of the servant’s dorm and through the basement. There’s a lingering smell of must in the air that persists until we reach the narrow, nearly vertical stairs leading to the servant’s passage on the first floor.

“The Caissa tournament, of course,” She tells me matter-of-factly, as if it’s something I’m expected to know. “There are twenty playing this time, so ten tables, and plenty for us to do.”

“Is it…important?” I follow her up the stairs, wincing at the aches and pains that are still present in my leg muscles.

“You’re asking me if the Caissa qualifiers are important?” Brynna glances back at me, continuing to climb the stairs with me in tow. “Did you have a head injury, perhaps?”

“No I…” I pause, wondering if I should continue but I get my answer when Brynna stops at the landing near the first ninety degree turn and looks at me. “I…I really don’t know. I mean, I know chess…I mean Caissa, is a game but…”

“You came from the wastes, yes? I can’t imagine how…uncivilized it must be. Here, the Grand Tournament is held once every five years with several smaller tournaments to determine who qualifies. Tomorrow is the first qualifier for this region and it’s being held here at House Bolin. The role of servants at the tournament is to provide refreshment and to assist the arbiters.”

She turns the corner; I follow her to the first floor where the dining room awaits for us to take breakfast. The early morning meal is rushed and concludes even before light passes through the windows. I’m bracing myself for a long day and probably another sleepless night as we pass through the servant’s passage and back to the double doors that lead to the Caissa hall. The doors are wide open this time and the hall is abuzz with servants. Alexa and Shiri are there along with others that I haven’t met. Rynd ignores me as Brynna walks through the doors with me, and Lauren is standing near the front, beside a set of tall paned windows that will eventually bathe the room in light. It looks different here now than it did the last time. I notice the ornate fixtures attached to the walls and the high coffered ceilings made from inlaid brass tiles.

“There are bigger halls in the major houses,” Brynna tells me as we walk down the steps toward the center of the room. “House Bolin has the right to host preliminaries this year, much to the disdain of the other houses.”

“Are you going to continue this impromptu social lesson, or are you going to see to your duties?” Rynd demands, stepping forward. Brynna’s eyes widen and her jaw goes slack until Lauren steps in.

“You presume to order my staff?” Lauren snaps.

“I was under the impression that these were staff of Miss Schultz,” Rynd says, giving her a glare and a sly grin at the same time. Lauren holds her ground.

“The head Housekeeper has been indisposed for three months, as you know,” She says evenly. “I govern in her place.”

“For now,” Rynd says. “I look forward to the day you are…put back in your place.”

“What’s his problem?” I ask as Rynd walks away. Brynna doesn’t answer me, instead she looks to Lauren who immediately looks to me.

“You’ve had a time to feel sorry for yourself,” Lauren tells me. “Now you’ll get to work.”

“I’d rather her shadow me,” Brynna tells her. Lauren pauses to consider. “She’s not in good shape just yet, as you know.”

“I do know it,” Lauren nods. “While it’s not the official stance, it doesn’t matter if she works or not. Especially today. She isn’t being paid, and we have a full staff roster anyway.” Lauren pauses again and then gives me a stern look. “But you will work, even if not today.”

“Okay,” I tell her. She raises an eyebrow and Brynna lightly taps my arm. “Yes Ma’am, sorry, I mean yes Ma’am.”

“Collect yourself, Mayet,” Lauren tells me before walking away.

The servants are scrubbing the floors while some are standing on a scaffold and polishing the vaulted ceiling tiles. I follow Brynna as she inspects the chairs once again for dust and then walks to the chess…no…the Caissa boards in the center of the room. They’re sitting on a raised platform fairly close together, each table is made from stone with an inlaid marble board. I can already tell by looking at them that they have the standard 64 squares and the white square at the bottom right. I haven’t seen the game pieces yet but I’m certain that this is chess, which leads to many other questions, none of which I have immediate answers for. I briefly see Sarah, the woman who escorted me from the slave market. Her red hair is down and resplendent against a pale yellow dress that contrasts the dull gray and black of the servants, leading me to wonder what her position is here. She quickly looks at me and then goes to speak to Mister Cyrene who is standing, arms crossed at the back of the room.

“So this uh…this Caissa thing, I guess it’s pretty important,” I say quietly to Brynna, who gives me a look that is somehow annoyed and incredulous at the same time.

“Yes, Mayet,” She says. “It’s important. You really don’t know? What do they teach you in the wastes?”

“I’m not…from the wastes,” I remind her. “I’m from past that. Somewhere else. We have a game like this, I think, but it’s just a game. This looks…more serious.”

Brynna opens her mouth, then closes it again as if she’s thinking about what she should say to combat my apparent ignorance, but she’s swiftly interrupted by Rynd shouting from the entrance.

“The guests are arriving!” He bellows.

The servants, both male and female, are lined up in the foyer before two sets of winding steps leading to the second floor and mezzanine. Us in our gray uniforms and the male servants in their back tuxedos. Sarah, Mister Cyrene, and a few other people I don’t recognize make their way past us, stopping dead center of the formation as a servant opens the door. I nearly lose my breath as Lady Helena appears, once again resplendent in a nearly glowing silk gown. She steps forward to acknowledge a group of people walking through the door. There's a woman in a green dress and she’s accompanied by a man in a pressed suit. He has a neatly trimmed beard and a combover of pristine brown hair. I’m standing between Alexa and Brynn; Lauren’s standing at the head of the formation near the door.

“Lord and Lady Randis,” Lady Helena says loudly as she steps near. “Welcome back to House Bolin, I trust your journey was uneventful?”

“Lady Helena,” Lord Randis places his arm behind his back and gives a bow of respect; Lady Randis gives a brief curtsy. “So pleased to see you again after so many months. Yes, the journey here was uneventful but as always, I delighted in seeing the countryside on the way here.”

“I’m pleased to hear it,” Lady Helena gives them a cold smile before nodding to Lauren. “Ms. Kleiner, our interim house keeper will show you to your room, and then I invite the both of you to enjoy refreshments in the drawing room.”

“That sounds delightful,” Lady Randis smiles. “We do have luggage outside – we came here in our new motorcar!”

“A motorcar!” Lady Helena says, nodding. “How exotic!”

“They’re becoming quite popular,” Lord Randis tells her insistently. We just picked ours up last week.”

“And drove it all the way here?” Lady Helena muses. “I imagine the road was…rough.”

“Nothing we couldn’t handle,” Lady Randis laughs. “You know us, always up for an adventure!”

“Perhaps too up for an adventure,” Lady Helena says dismissively. “I prefer the indoors, myself.”

“I hear that you’ve taken on a bit of an adventure yourself,” Lady Randis says. “One of your new servants is…unusual.”

“Or so we’ve heard,” Lord Randis nods. He took a moment to look around the room, eyeing each of us appraisingly. His eyes finally come to rest on me; I resist the urge to look away as Lady Randis too notices me. “Difficult to tell, if I might be honest, but is that her?”

“Mayet, take a step forward, please,” Lady Helena tells me. I look nervously to Brynna, and then do as I’m told, keeping my hands at my sides and my eyes angle downward. I can feel my body shaking as I realize I’ve left the safety of the servant line. Between Brynna and Alexa, I’d felt at least marginally safe but now I’m out in the open, and I feel all eyes on me as Lady Randis steps over and begins to examine me.

“And she is a slave?” Lady Randis cocks her head as I do my best to avoid looking at her. “I thought you didn’t hold with keeping slaves.”

“I don’t,” Lady Helena admits, taking a step closer. “But, I can’t stand by while someone is being mistreated…as…badly as she was. In truth, someone had…told me of her situation, and I went to the auction house to see for myself. The slaver, Kurt raised the price when he realized my interest.”
“Expensive and exotic,” Lady Randis muses. “Tell me girl, do you enjoy your new position?”

“Lady Randis,” Lady Helena says with a measured tone. “I’ll ask you to address the girl by her name while you’re in my house.”

“How…charitable of you,” Lady Randis smirks. “Tell me, Mayet, do you enjoy your position?”

“Y…yes Ma’am,” I say quickly, nearly choking on the words. “Very much Ma’am.”

“Proper, this one,” Lord Randis muses. “And I can barely tell that she’s…less than female.”

My heart skips a beat and then drops into my stomach; I can feel my face burning and I can almost imagine Lauren behind, at the front of the formation gritting her teeth. Of course, any apprehension she felt was magnified by me ten times as I struggled to control myself.
“T…thank you, Lord Randis,” I manage to say, my voice cracks and I shift my feet nervously.

“Allowed to live as a girl, treated with respect, unheard of, honestly,” Lady Randis looks to Lady Helena who gives her an emotionless expression.
“Indeed,” Lord Randis says. “I’d go so far as to call her a girl lucky!”

“Lord Randis, Lady,” Lady Helena says. “We have not long before the other guests arrive, might you follow Lauren to your accommodations? Your luggage will be brought up forthwith.”

I return to the lineup as they depart and I can feel Brynna’s eyes upon me. Is she checking to see if I’m okay, or did I make a mistake? Either way, there’s a lump in my throat that won’t subside and I can feel my heart threatening to beat straight through my ribcage. This place isn’t my home but I’m finding it hard to separate myself from it mentally or physically. The stakes here are high. I can’t help but reflect on my life before this, about how I’d always been the quiet one, the ‘nerdy’ one. My transition hadn’t upended my life really; my parents were fine with it, even if my mom was a little worried. My sister, Maria, well she was all too eager to help. But the girl I’d been, I felt her slipping away little by little and being replaced with…whatever I’m becoming. Maybe who I’ve already become.

There has to be a way out of this – a way out before I lose myself completely.

For the first time in weeks, I find myself standing outdoors in the open air. Several of the servants, mostly the males have headed out to unload the Lord and Lady’s luggage from the trunk of the automobile. You could tell that most, if not all of them, have ever seen a car and while my immediate instinct is to laugh, I can’t help but share their wonder as I look at the resplendent black automobile. The exterior is black and topped with a clear coat that gives it a metallic sheen, nearly blinding paired with the early morning sun. The chrome grill and the tall glass windows are the perfect accompaniment to the black interior leather seats and while I know that cars like this have existed in the past where I came from, it was another matter entirely to see one in person.

Brynna stands beside me as I take in a deep breath and silently survey the area. We’re in a fenced in courtyard; the green grass of the lawn is flanked by the wrought iron bars too high to climb, and the gravel drive that we stand on winds past an ornate gate set between two tall brick posts. Beyond that, I can see the spires and obelisks belonging to buildings. Shingled roofs and towers peek out like rock formations at the bottom of a canyon and I do my best to ascertain just how far away we are from it.

Why am I still thinking of escape? I’ve been told repeatedly that this is the best place for me, and now that I am ‘a girl lucky’, whatever that means.

“Are you okay?” Brynna asks me as we watch the men finish the unpacking and head into the house. Rynd climbs into the driver’s seat of the automobile and cranks the engine, probably an attempt to move it, but he fails miserably and ends up climbing from the driver’s seat and throwing his hands up.

“Does it matter?” I ask her.

She nods. “Very much.”

“I’ve spent my entire life getting to know myself,” I say without looking at her. “It was so hard for me to go outside dressed up…like a girl for the first time. I borrowed one of sister’s skirts. It was this orange pleated thing. Actually I think it was part of her Velma outfit.”

“Velma?” I can hear the frown in her voice. I close my eyes and let out a sigh.

“I think I talk too much,” I say as we watch Rynd walk out, this time with another servant in tow, trying to figure out the automobile.

“I don’t think so,” Brynna looks at me. I look up, stiffening as I wonder what she’s going to say. “I think the problem is we don’t talk to you enough.”

“I…I don’t think I understand,” I say. Lauren’s outside now, and Rynd is shouting at her, but we’re too far away to hear what he says. He uses his arms to make wide gestures and then points back to the car as Lauren crosses her arms.

“I’ve dealt with enslaved people before and not a single one of them has acted like you,” She looks at me and my eyes widen – what was I acting like? “Slavery is…a lighter sentence than prison. It simply means you work instead of rot in a cell. You can be bought, and your owner may be cruel, but they can’t kill you or even maim you. And, once your sentence is through, you go free. Enslaved people understand that, but you…you’re afraid. You’re shaking, always. I think we ought find out why.”

“I just…I don’t understand how any of this works,” I admit shakily. “This is…I…I don’t know.”

“You are afraid,” She tells me matter of factly. “But ah…I want you to do me a favor, yes?” I look at her and nod. “Try to be a little less afraid of us.”

“Okay,” I tell her. “I’ll try.”

She gives me a warm smile and says “Good.”

“What’s…happening over there?” I point hesitantly to the unfolding scene by the automobile. It’s still parked in front of the house, and now Lauren’s hanging in on the driver’s side as if she’s examining something.

“If it were a carriage he would’ve had it around back already,” There’s laughter in Brynna’s voice even as she keeps her face expressionless. “But no one here can drive a car.”

“Why not?”

“Are you saying you know how?” Brynna actually laughs this time, but I cringe and nod. “Well, let’s find out.”

“You’re saying it can drive?” Rynd said, looking at me, disbelieving. “It doesn’t even know that it’s a boy.”
“Mayet,” Lauren says with such intensity and force that it causes Rynd to flinch. “How is it you know how to drive a car?”
“My uh…my father taught me,” I say the first thing that comes to mind and it seems to work but she looks troubled.
“I don’t want to risk it,” Lauren says. “Brynna, take her back inside.”

“That’s not fair, don’t you want me to be useful?” I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth, but Lauren only tells Rynd to let it go, and then tells Brynna, once again, to take me inside. My face falls as Brynna guides me inside, past the threshold of the foyer and back to one of the servant corridors.

“She won’t want you present for the other guests,” Brynna tells me, leaning against the wall. “But the Lady wants you there, so the choice is clear.”

I frown, shaking my head. “Why does the Lady want me there?”

“You’re an oddity,” Brynna tells me. “People want to see you.”

“Wait, no,” I can feel anger rising in my chest but I manage to keep my voice low; the last thing I want is to attract Lauren’s attention. “I’m not…something that she can show off!”

“Whether you like it or not,” Brynna continues. “You’ve made waves. People want to see the boy that became a girl. It won’t last for long, once you’ve been seen, they’ll forget.”

A wave of anger flashes and I feel my hands begin to form into fists. Back home, my transition had been so far along that I had all but forgotten my days as a boy. I’d pushed those dark, cold, unfeeling memories to the back of my mind and built foundations for a new life in their place. My friends and family called me ‘she’ – I was finally at that ‘point’ where I could live. And I’m here. Wherever ‘here’ is, is a place where my gender identity is constantly questioned, denied, or looked on with amusement. For the first time in a very long time, my mental barriers were crumbling and the boy beneath is peering through, waiting for his chance. They didn’t have the right.

“The other servants don’t get shown off,” I say in a hopeless gambit against the entire situation.

“You know well why this is being done,” This time Brynna gives me a soft smile. “Don’t worry yourself about it, after your collaring ceremony they’ll forget all about you.”

“My what?” My hand immediately goes to my neck and my eyes widen in horror.

“Yet another thing you don’t know about,” Brynna sighs. “You’re owned by the Lady but the city requires a collar for identification. It doesn’t hurt.”
“I am not owned by anyone!” I hiss. “I’m a person, don’t you get it?” I bring on a wave of dull pain with the exertion; I wince and have to steady myself by grabbing the wall. “I didn’t do anything wrong, I don’t deserve-”

Her open palm connects with my face; I lose my grip on the wall and tumble backward, my dress wrapped around my hips as I lay on the floor. She immediately helps me to my feet and brushes off the back of my dress.

“Didn’t mean to hit you that hard,” she tells me. I grunt, and she laughs softly. From her inside apron pocket she produces a small wooden brush which she uses to straighten out my hair; she turns me around to get the back, and then presses the brush into my hand. “Always carry one,” She tells me. “Appearance is everything.”

“Even for a slave?” I don’t know if I’m asking a serious question or not, but her answer chills me.

“Especially for a slave.”

She tells me to rest for a moment in the corridor before straightening my dress and leading me back to the foyer. Lauren and Rynd are back, standing at the forefront and directing us to our places. I can see the Lady Helena talking to the Lady Randis in a room off to the side and I briefly wonder whether or not there was a Lord Helenea, or a Lord Bolin, whatever his name would have been. I want to ask Brynna about it, but before I know it, the driveway is full of guests, these in horse drawn carriages rather than automobiles, which Rynd had no trouble with. I do my best to stay close to Brynna, and nearly every time a new Lord, Lady, Baron, Baronness, or any of the other titles was introduced, I was called to present myself with a quick curtsey and occasionally responding to a ‘yes or no’ question. The men were often disgusted, though the women seemed to look at me as a curiosity, one even demanding to know if I ‘found the life of a girl pleasing’. Just as I think I can’t handle it anymore, the foyer clears out, leaving me alone between Brynna and Alexa. Lauren walks over and tells us to meet in some obscure room, to which Brynna nods and begins to pull me along.

“Where are we going?” I ask her as we pass through a hidden panel that leads to the servant’s passage. This passage is painted white like many of the others, but it has an exterior-facing window made from a bunch of glass panels, looking out onto a dilapidated garden that I’d guess isn’t visible from the front of the house. As we walk, I take in the rampant and spreading vines, the broken concrete bench, mossed-over statues, and briar patches that have taken over what must have once been a lush, beautiful garden. The row of windows is gone as quickly as it appeared and we’re taking a left into a empty room lined with old shelves and cabinets. We’re followed in by the rest of the servants and Mister Cyrene. To my surprise, the woman from the market, Sarah is there. I look at her and then quickly look away as she meets my eyes.

“Mayet,” I hear Sarah say as she moves through the room. I stare at the floor, my body tense and tight as the folds of her silky blue dress appear within my vision. “Mayet, eyes front, please,” Against all of my panic-driven instincts, I manage to look up, not quite looking at her, but not looking away either. “Lauren does not have time to train you today, so you will watch, and you will learn.”

“I may have some menial tasks for her, in any case,” Lauren points out. “I thought to put her on the dishwashing during lunch.”

“She is well enough for that?” Sarah turns from me to speak with Lauren, who nods. “Very well, I’ll leave it to your discretion.”

“Thank you, Ma’am,” Lauren looks to me, then to Brynna. “Lunch, now,”she tells Brynna. “Put her in the back.”