“There’s no room,” I announced. “We’ll have to take it all back.”

Pete's Vagina
85. Locker
by Erin Halfelven

We got back home a little after five — Leadfoot Mom strikes again. Riding into Friendly in late afternoon, Phoenix seemed like someplace in another galaxy, long ago and far away. It felt almost silly, since we were supposed to be at the studio at seven a.m., meaning another ninety-mile trip even earlier than today’s.

Dad’s truck wasn’t in the driveway, so he must have been staying late at the dealership, which he often did on Saturdays. I climbed out of the backseat of the station wagon, stretching and making creaky noises. The sun had already touched the western mountains, and it would be getting dark soon. Above us, a raven soared, black wings gleaming metallic green in the slanted sun.

Jordan trotted around to the tailgate. “Let’s get your stuff inside and call Lee. He’s not going with us tomorrow, and he’ll want to see what you’re going to be wearing.”

“Same for your father,” said Mom. “You can give them a fashion show.”

I felt my stomach swallow my heart and lungs. I made a noise like Charlie Brown losing another battle with the kite-eating tree. “Augh!”

They laughed at me.

I was already wearing the burgundy pants and lilac shirt they had picked out for me. I’d insisted on keeping my athletic shoes on, though, since I’d driven halfway home. Now that we had arrived, they’d probably insist I wear the navy-blue kitten heel pumps, too.

I joined them at the rear of the car and scooped up two bags of our cursed loot. Then I stomped through the house to my room, scowling at the hallway shelves of bric-a-brac while Mom and Jordan followed, twittering like cardinals finding a new seedcake. I dumped the bags on my bed and yanked open my closet.

“There’s no room,” I announced. “We’ll have to take it all back.” More laughter from the Petersen family conspiracy to embarrass me. I got out of the way as they extracted most of my jeans, khakis and woolen plaids to make room for the new finery. At least my football jerseys and practice gear were in my wardrobe in the laundry room.

Four dresses and three sets of mix-n-match skirts, slacks and tops shoved the rest of my life to the side. I watched, complaining all the while about them having ganged up on me and having extorted promises from me when I was hungry. One thing the big mall in Phoenix has is a good food court.

Mom had the shoebox under her arm the whole time, and sure enough, finally handed it to me, ordering me to take off my sneakers. “I know we’ll never get you to wear real heels, but these will work with everything we got you.” Meaning, of course, the dreaded kitten heels.

“Augh!” I agreed. Less than an inch tall, but like walking on marbles, with Jordan commenting on the hip action they caused.

“Now go call Lee and tell him to get over here if he wants to see,” she ordered.

I didn’t need that image of Lee watching my butt! I already knew he’d taken film of my ass before. I squeezed my eyes shut to avoid imagining Lee laughing at me in a dress, sashaying around like a wobbly kitten. “Augh!” I repeated for the third time.

I headed for the phone in the living room, debating internally on whether I should call Megan, too. I knew she’d be more on my side than the others, but I hesitated on putting her and Lee in the same room on purpose. Something about it felt inappropriate. Lee was my boyfriend now (ouch!), but Megan had been my lover. And not just back when…. I stopped thinking about it, and stopped completely when I reached the phone.

“Mom!” I called out. “Can we order pizza? It’s been five hours since we ate. Lee can pick it up on the way.”

She appeared from my room at the end of the hall. “Are you sure, dear? I’d hate to make Lee climb in and out of his van just to—”

She meant Lee’s awkwardness with his leg brace, but I cut her off. “I’ll call it in and have them meet him in the parking lot. The usual?” We always got one pepperoni and sausage and one garden special, mediums, but this time I would order large. Lee could put away an amazing amount of pizza, and Jordan and I would take up any slack. We’re teenagers.

I called the Pizza Barn first and placed our order with the special instructions for carryout to Lee’s van. They said twenty minutes, so I knew I didn’t have to rush calling Lee.

Instead of dialing immediately, I stepped over to the hall mirror and looked at my reflection. Lee wouldn’t be able to see me on the phone, but I would know what I looked like. Nothing too hideous, even though I had on mascara and lip blush, it had stayed put. I ran fingers through my hair to make sure I didn’t have anything sticky going on.

With a sigh, I reached for the phone again and called Lee. “Hey,” I said softly when he answered. “We’re back.”

He laughed, sounding delighted. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He liked to laugh, and I knew he wasn’t laughing at me. Yet.

“Can I come over and you give me a fashion show?” he asked.

“Um, well,” I hesitated. Did I really want him to see me in a dress? Well, hell no, but if I was going to have to wear one with cameras pointed at me, I wanted his professional opinion on how I looked. “Yeah,” I answered. “But you have to stop and pick up pizza on the way.”

He made a smacking noise, and I grinned in spite of being anxious about giving a fashion show. “The Barn? Sounds good.”

“Beep and they’ll bring it out for you,” I told him.

“Can I call and add some breadsticks to the order?” he asked.

“Uh, sure.” Why not? They would get eaten.

“See you soon, babe,” he said, hanging up.

That wasn’t the first time he’d called me babe. Maybe I’d get used to it.

When I passed the hall mirror on the way back to my room, I noticed I had a smile. I put it away quickly so Mom and Jordan wouldn’t get the idea I was enjoying any part of this.