I have spent the last few weeks doing some major editing and revisions to my Costumes story. I think I'm close to being ready to publish it. Yeah, I know, I wrote it 15 years ago. I still view it as one of my strongest stories, so maybe a good one to be my first book to publish. I need your help. One of the things I've always struggled with is selling a story. You know, writing that blurb that appears on the BCTS front page or on an Amazon web site to convince a person they want to buy this book. Tell me what you think of this blurb. If you read this, would you be interested in reading this book?
*****
At school, nine-year-old Daryl is treated like a non-person. Ignored by classmates, Daryl has spent years living unseen. Only on Halloween, dressed as Princess Stephanie, is she joyful, visible, and real. Her parents are the only ones who know Stephanie exists, and every year when Halloween is over they expect the costume to be put away, hopefully forever.
This year, Stephanie refuses to go back in the box. Knowing Daryl is the real costume, she puts him in the box instead.
As she steps into everyday life, she finds first friendships, painful cruelty, and a family struggling to accept the child in front of them. What begins as one little girl’s refusal to disappear becomes a fight not only to be seen, but to belong.
Costumes is a poignant novel about a transgender child, family, friendship, belonging, and the courage it takes to stop pretending.
Comments
Another option
Here is a slight alteration. AI says this one is stronger as a hook. I honestly have no idea.
Nine-year-old Daryl has spent years living unseen and ignored by classmates. Only on Halloween, dressed as Princess Stephanie, is she joyful, visible, and real. To her parents, Princess Stephanie is only a costume, and every year when Halloween ends, they expect her to go back in the Halloween box, hopefully forever.
This year, Stephanie refuses to go back in the box. Knowing Daryl is the real costume, she puts him in the box instead.
As she steps into everyday life, she finds first friendships, painful cruelty, and a family struggling to accept the child in front of them. What begins as one little girl’s refusal to disappear becomes a fight not only to be seen, but to belong.
Costumes is a poignant novel about a transgender child, family, friendship, belonging, and the courage it takes to be seen.
Keep Smiling, Keep Writing
Teek
(Teek's Author Page)
FWIW...
...I think the first AI paragraph is more concise, but I think "stop pretending" works better in the last one. (Not least because the previous paragraph says that being seen is only half the battle.)
Can't really offer an opinion on the overall question. (Only book blurb I remember writing was for "A Quarter Million Random Numbers". IIRC, it began "Do you know how long it would take you to roll two dice 250,000 times?" That was more than 30 years ago; I wonder how many I could have sold on Amazon. Print-only, of course; if you wanted them electronically you could generate the numbers yourself.)
Eric
Long process
Okay, I have spent the last few hours trying to come up with a short version: a hook. I picture this maybe next to the "buy" button, while the longer version is farther down the page. As I refined the short version, I did make minor tweaks to the full version:
Short version:
Every kid knows costumes are only for Halloween. This year, when it’s time to put Stephanie back in the Halloween box, she refuses. Knowing Daryl is the real costume, she puts him in the box instead. Stepping into everyday life brings painful cruelty, a family struggling to accept the girl in front of them, and first friendships. Costumes is a moving novel about identity, belonging, and the courage it takes to be seen.
Full Amazon Blurb & Back Cover Version
Nine-year-old Daryl has spent years living unseen and ignored by classmates. Only on Halloween, dressed as Princess Stephanie, is she joyful, visible, and real. To her parents, Princess Stephanie is only a costume, and every year when Halloween ends, they expect her to go back in the Halloween box, hopefully forever.
This year, Stephanie refuses to go back in the box. Knowing Daryl had always been the real costume, she puts him in the box instead.
As Stephanie steps into everyday life, she finds painful cruelty, a family struggling to accept the daughter before them, and first friendships. What begins as one little girl’s refusal to disappear becomes a fight not only to be seen, but to find where she belongs.
Costumes is a poignant novel about a transgender child, family, friendship, belonging, and the courage it takes to be seen.
Keep Smiling, Keep Writing
Teek
(Teek's Author Page)