I imagined that I could feel each thread passing over the sensitive flesh.

Another Country -19-
by Erin Halfelven

Mom came out to the trailer again after Josh had left. I saw her standing outside in the light from my windows, looking around without moving, as if she were daring Cyndy’s lions to make an appearance.

I moved close to the still-open door where I knew she could see me. “Mom?” I said.

She stepped closer, smiling at me, but she didn’t climb the makeshift steps. “Josh is gone,” she said. “You’re going to be all right out here alone. You know how to lock the door.”

“Oh, yeah,” I said. “It’s the lever above the door handle.”

“That’s right,” she agreed. “These little travel trailers are actually harder to get into than a house, if the doors are locked.”

“I’ll lock the door before I go to bed.”

She nodded. “Come into the house for breakfast tomorrow,” she said. “You don’t have anything out here yet. Not even cereal. Good night.” Then she turned and headed back toward the house.

“Good night,” I called after her. Then I pulled the door closed and locked it. With the lever pushed sideways, even the interior door handle didn’t work, though it was easy to push the lever to unlock and turn the handle to open at the same time.

All the windows had levers to open and close them, and a locking position when closed. They fit tightly, too, almost impossible to open from the outside without breaking the glass or using tools. After being sure all the windows in the “living room” end of the trailer were closed and locked, I turned out the lamps and went to the bedroom end, checking on the way that the window in the bathroom was also secure.

The bedroom windows all had opaque pull-down blinds. I closed and locked them all except the small high-up one in the very rear, which I left open for ventilation. No one outside could see into it without a stepladder, but I pulled its shade down, too.

With the bedroom lamp turned off, only the tiny bulb in the bathroom gave any light at all.

In the near dark, I stripped off down to my shorts, bare from the waist up. No one could see the lumps on my chest, not even me.

Mom had put the bed together earlier, bottom sheet, top sheet, medium-weight blanket, with a heavier one lying folded across the foot of the bed. I slipped under the covers and lay there thinking how odd it was to be alone with night outside, where almost anything could be prowling around. Josh? A lion? I smiled.

I lay still, willing myself to sleep, but I felt restless. I didn’t want to think of what had happened, and even less about what might have happened, but hadn’t. I moved one way under the covers, then the other. I couldn’t quite get comfortable.

One thing was that the bed wasn’t mine, not the bed I had been sleeping in for years. It was softer, no, it was harder. Firmer, anyway, and not in the same way my bed inside the house had been. I adjusted things again, trying to lie on the left side of the bed, then the right, then the middle.

My nipples…. They were part of the problem. No matter where I lay, even the slightest movement made them rub against the cloth of the sheet. I imagined that I could feel each thread passing over the sensitive flesh.

I sat up and put my feet on the floor. The clothes I had been wearing were on the chair in front of the dresser. I reached for them, but what I was looking for wasn’t there. What had I done with it?

I didn’t turn on a light, but after a bit of searching, I found it. The chemise Mom had given me. Soft and silken, the texture was completely different from a t-shirt. I put that on, got back in bed, and quickly fell asleep.

*

I hadn’t set an alarm. Normally, the sound of Mom in the kitchen and Dad making noise getting ready for work would wake me, but this morning, all that was inside the house. Instead, Dad rapped lightly on the trailer door.

“I’m awake,” I called out.

“Your Mom says to come inside for breakfast.”

I glanced at a clock but realized no one had made sure it was accurate. I’d need to set it when I found out what time it really was. I got dressed, wearing the chemise under a t-shirt and a shirt with buttons. It was a school morning, so I put on regular-length pants, not the shorts I had worn all weekend.

Outside, birds called and twittered, some of them exploring the new addition to the yard. I smiled, I wasn’t usually up and outside this early.

The back door of the house leads directly into the kitchen, and Mom and Cyndy were placing dishes on the dining room table when I walked in. “Grab the gravy, Bobbie,” said Cyn.

“Gravy?” I said. We didn’t normally have gravy for a weekday breakfast, but I grabbed the bowl and carried it to the table, seeing as I did so that platters of bacon and fried taters and a pan of biscuits had already been placed.

Dad was explaining what was happening. “John and Cyndy are going back to the coast to pack some things. Then tomorrow, Cyndy will drop John off at the Base and come here with her stuff to move in for the duration.” He looked at me. “And thanks for being a sport about giving up your bedroom. How were things out in the trailer last night?”

“Fine,” I responded. “Josh stopped by for a bit to help me dig a lion trap.” I smiled at Cyndy.

Dad blinked, and Mom made a noise. John snorted and took Cyndy’s hand on top of the table.

“Right,” said Dad after a pause. “You’ll have to get him to come back by to help you tame the critter. But today, your Mother wants to take you to the doctor.”

“Huh?” I said. I used the big spoon to add some taters to my plate beside the scrambled eggs and bacon. I looked toward Mom, who had been buttering biscuits, one for each of us at the table.

“I think you need to see a doctor,” she said, handing me a biscuit.

We’d talked about this before, but I’d sort of forgotten about it. It seemed like a bad idea to bring up why for open discussion. John passed me the gravy bowl. “Am I going to miss school today?” I asked instead.

Mom nodded. “Yes, probably at least the morning, depending on how soon we can get you in. There’ll be someone there to answer phones by the time we finish eating.”

I thought about it as I ate. I did want to know what was going on with me, physically. But should I tell the doctor what had happened between me and Josh? I felt my face turning red.

Mom looked at me. She had to see me blushing, she notices everything. “I’m sure the doctor will have some answers for your questions,” she said.