I Expected Better of Puberty

Any number of folks write stories about gender dysphoria and transitioning in the sense that most others understand the terms, but this, our story, is somewhat different, for all that is changing is going on in our heads. Perhaps it’s just a matter of perception. Then again there’re so many things we don’t understand yet that maybe it’s not.

I’m Jessica, and most of the time I consider myself to be exactly what my official medical paperwork says I am: female. At fourteen I’d experienced all that most girls of that age had. I can’t say that I enjoyed the experience, but neither can I say it had been unpleasant. What I can say is that I’d expected better of puberty. I’m extremely intelligent and from being a child I had been looking forward to becoming a woman, though I’m not sure exactly what I expected from it. Periods turned out to be a non event and nothing to write home about. After all for a girl who suffers from none of the unpleasantnesses there’s nothing to say about using tampons, millions of women do and say nothing about it. Even my slow growing but eventually well developed breasts were a bit of a non event along with the hips and a wider posterior that I acquired after what was probably a couple of years of very slow growth masked by my significant increase in height. When I started to develop I would have been less than five feet tall and by the time it was all over I was five foot nine.

Unlike some of the girls in my class, my sense of balance changed so slowly I didn’t notice it, and unlike the girls who changed from girls to women almost overnight I didn’t acquire any stretch marks on my thighs, bum and boobs from them developing too quickly. That the boys at school thought our changes to be anything but non events was an insignificant event too, after all none of them within a couple of years of my age were exactly bright, and what thought they seemed to be capable of seemed to originate in their trousers. Taking it all into account I was seriously disappointed by growing up, that was till I met my then boyfriend Sammi, who was also intelligent. We started as lab partners in our science classes, which was a change from me having to do all the work. Sammi, I later discovered, considered growing up and finding her adult self and sexuality to be a twisted mess and a cruel hoax. Despite the male equipment she possessed and her designation as male by her official medical paperwork which included that insisted on by our school Sammi had always considered herself to be female. Her face was that of a girl and since there was no school rule preventing boys from wearing make up, she like some of the effeminate gays chose to do so.

I liked Sammi no matter what she considered herself to be. To the kids at school Sammi was just a somewhat effeminate boy with girly tastes, sure there was a little teasing, but that was all it was. It certainly couldn’t be called bullying and Sammi gave the big, strong sport players as good as she got and it was all good humoured banter. The girls liked her and enjoyed her putting the idiot boys in their place, because they were a pain to all the other girls too. Despite my aversion to using makeup, I’m regarded as one of the pretty girls, and as I said those sport players had long had an interest in exploring the contents of my underwear. I certainly wasn’t interested in any of them and a number of the ones who’d tried hardest were mortified when I not only rejected them but started going out with Sammi. It was noticeable that most of their teasing stopped at that point because the girls used that to shut their macho nonsense down.

Initially I’d just assumed that Sammi was trans, which, to me at least, was no big deal. I was fascinated when I discovered that the situation was what we considered to be considerably more complicated than her being trans. Sammi had a fully equipped and functional female arrangement out of sight behind her testicles, though of course she knew it was there and whilst well hidden and far less obvious than her male equipment it was the centre of how she perceived herself. I found out when in desperation she asked me if I had a spare tampon. That broke down all barriers between us and life became decidedly more rewarding for both of us. It was a serious shock, to both of us, to discover that under serious stimulation my clitoris became large enough to be able to function as a penis. It wasn’t large, but Sammi said it was large enough. It was an equal shock to us when Sammi’s chest started blossoming along with the development of her bum and thighs. By the time we left school for a college a day’s drive away from home Sammi had become a big girl who’d needed to wear a bra for some considerable time, and there was no way anyone could mistake her for a boy from behind even if boys’ jeans had been able to fit over her unmistakeably female posterior.

College is great. We rent a house with three other girls a mile away from campus, and in spite of Sammi officially being recorded as male by the college we are regarded as a lesbian couple in a permanent relationship, which our peers are cool about. We may well be two girls for whom puberty had been a serious disappointment, but at least exploring the future promises to be interesting, fun too. We are aware that many so called freaks cannot accept life as they are and have deep seated needs to alter their physical arrangements to match their mental and emotional states and that is unfortunate but we totally accept that to be genuine. We make no attempt to speak for any other than ourselves. We are sure that if they knew many others would consider that we had been born freaks, but after finding each other our acceptance of our reality has been our way forward to a rewarding life. Whether we have to leave our home town or not remains to be seen. If we do so be it, though the chances are that we’ll have to leave for employment anyway after we acquire our degrees this summer. We intend to marry next Easter and start our family as soon as possible, of our own making if possible, otherwise if not, but if we are freaks we intend to remain exactly as we are.