Raven wakes up suddenly, with sweat running down her face. The covers drop and pool around her waist. She tries to get her breathing under control as she looks across the bed room at the huge mirror mounted on the dresser that was directly in front of her bed. She closes her eyes and tries to center herself like she was taught whenever she has these attacks/flash backs.

She slows her breathing and manages to get her body and mind under control. She slowly opens her eyes and tosses the covers aside and get out of bed. She had gone to bed wearing just her panties and one of her oversized t-shirts.

She shivers from the cool air in the house hitting her bare warm skin. She walks out of the bed room towards the kitchen. She stops in front of the liquor cabinet that her father kept stock and thought about grabbing the bottle of Jack Daniels in it. She wanted to grab the bottle and take a few drinks to help her forget what happened to her and her team. She knew alcohol wasn’t the answer to her problem.

She walks into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. She looks at her choices and reaches for the pitcher of cold sweet tea instead. She pulls it out and get a glass form the cabinet and pour herself some cold sweet tea. She downs half the glass, before she refills it again. She puts the pitcher back in the refrigerator and walks over to the kitchen table and sits down with her glass of tea.

She takes another sip from the glass and looks at the time on the microwave sitting on the counter. No one ever warns you about the after effects of killing someone or being nearly killed yourself. She shivers from the thought of what had been done to her that day.

Her finger traces the scar on her right arm where a piece of fragment from a grenade had torn through her forearm, leaving a scar that would never heal properly. All over her body were reminders of the cost she paid to protect the innocent and the service she did for her country. She turns and looks back towards the liquor cabinet where the bottle of Jack Daniels sat.

She wanted to forget the things that were done to her and the ghosts that still linger around. How many of her unit died during that ambushed and how it had made her finally realize she wasn’t the person she was pretending to be?

She empties the glass of sweet tea and stands up from the kitchen table. She walks over to the sink and rinse the glass out and put it in the drying rack to dry. She looks at the time on the microwave again and notices it was four in the morning. She had only gotten five hours of sleep, since returning from the diner.

She was still feeling to awake to lie back down in bed. She walks back into her bedroom and grabs a pair of jeans out of the dresser to put on. She puts on one of her comfortable bras and put on her Marine Corp. PT t-shirt and boots. She quickly braids her hair and covers it up with a leather keeper. She grabs her old male wallet and slips it into her back pocket. She thinks about taking her handgun with her, but leaves it right where it was. She was just going for a ride to clear her head.

She grabs the keys to her motorcycle and lock the back door as she heads towards the garage to get her motorcycle. She opens the garage and back her motorcycle out. She lowers the garage door and put her helmet on, as she walks her motorcycle down the driveway. She doesn’t want to wake her neighbors when she starts her motorcycle. She walks down the street pushing her motorcycle, before mounting it and starting it. The noise from her motorcycle echoes off the houses on her street. She heads down the main street and loses herself in the ride.

Instead of grabbing her normal helmet that she has owned since she first learned how to ride. She grabbed her hi-tech helmet that had a hud system that told her in what direction she was going and how fast she was going. It had a three hundred sixty degree rear camera system built into it. It also came equipped with night vision and thermal capabilities. If that wasn’t enough, it had Bluetooth capabilities, which allowed her to answer her calls while driving.

The helmet had been a gift from a CIA friend she worked with while overseas. She had been a rider and the two of them had become close, like sisters. The last she heard from her, she was working undercover near the Pakistan/India border.

Raven increases her speed and just let the wind take her where it wanted to. The only time she felt free was when she was riding. She knew she couldn’t out race her ghosts, but at least she didn’t have to confront them while she was riding.

The fuel gauge indicator built into her helmet informs her that her fuel was getting low. It was linked to the fuel gauge built onto her instrument cluster on motorcycle. She had to change it out when she came home and wanted to uses her new helmet with her motorcycle. She still had the old one, it was still useful.

Raven pulls into a Philips 66 gas station that was opened and refilled her tank. As she stands there and watches the dollar amount clicks. She watches the sun as it begins to rise. How many times did she watch the sun come up while she was overseas and missed being home? How many times did she have to take the life of enemy soldiers? She knew her kill count was high, but what did it matter? Tears start to leak from her eyes as her ghosts finally catches up with her. She hears the pump click, letting her know it was done filling her tank.

Raven wipes the tears away and put the handle back in place on the pump. She mounts her motorcycle and grabs the receipt for the gas she purchased from the pump. She starts her motorcycle and head back towards her house. As much as she would love to spend all day riding her motorcycle, she had things she needed to do today.

One of those unpleasant things was seeing her psychiatrist for her PTSD. By the time Raven arrives back home, the sun had risen. She parks her motorcycle in the driveway and takes her helmet inside with her. She turns it off as she heads towards her bed to put on some light makeup. She double checks how she looks and wonders if she should show up wearing her PT shirt.

She takes it off and put a different shirt on and her leather vest over it. She checks her appearance one more time, before grabbing something to drink and a granola bar. She checks her watch and notices she has another hour before she has to be there.

Raven paces back and forth while she waits. There was nothing for her to do inside the house. She already cleaned four times already. The floors, carpet, and the rest of the house was so cleaned and organized, that you wonder if anyone lived there. She couldn’t wait any longer and head back outside and mount her motorcycle. She puts her old helmet on and drives towards the doctor’s office, taking the long way to kill time.

By the time she arrives, she still had twenty minutes before her appointment. She parks her motorcycle and head into the building. Instead of taking the elevator like a normal person, she takes the stairs up to the fourth floor. She takes a breath, before exiting from the stair well and into the hallway. She turns right and head down to the office and check in with the receptionist. There was another person in the waiting room, waiting to see the other doctor that shared the space with her doctor. The man gives her a glance and notices the tattoos on her arms. He spots the playing car on her inner forearm.

He looks at her and then back to the playing card and the grim reaper on her left shoulder. He shakes his head, because he knew no woman would have something like that. The military didn’t allow women to go into combat, especially with a special op’s group.

Doctor Moore walks into the waiting room and looks towards Raven. A smile appears on his face “are you ready, Raven?”

Raven stands up “yes sir.”

Doctor Moore leads Raven down to his office. He knew Raven was totally aware of everything around her. It was the first thing he noticed about her when she started seeing him. He waits until she sits down on the sofa in his office before sitting across from her.

“So, Raven how have you been doing since our last session?” Dr. Moore takes his legal pad out and prepares to write down his observation.

Raven looks at Dr. Moore “I’m doing okay, I guess. I had another nightmare last night about what happened to me and my unit.”

“Was it like the last one you had or was this one different?” Dr. Moore knew Raven has been suffering from nightmares from the ambush that took her units lives and almost killed her.

“No, it was the same. I keep asking myself, why I was given a second chance and the others weren’t.” Raven knew the only reason she survived
was because she had been found by an Afghan man and his son. They had hid her in their cave, while they tended to her wounds.

Her command didn’t know she had survived until three weeks later. They had presumed she had been taken prisoner or had her body desecrated like the Taliban did her companions. Even the Taliban who tried to kill her thought she had died from the RPG attack that hit her over watch position.

Raven continues talking to her doctor and by the time her time is up, she felt a little better. She knew there was no easy fix to her problem. That was the day she decided that she couldn’t hid who she was any more. Her father knew about her secret and he never made her feel bad about it.
The only reason she joined the military and pushed herself like she did, was to bury how she truly felt. She knew she wasn’t a man, but a girl. Everything inside her had fought with her ignoring how she felt.

After leaving the doctor’s office she heads towards Bully’s for lunch. She loved their steaks and home style meals. She pulls into the parking lot and parks her motorcycle in a parking space near the front of the restaurant.

When she walks into the restaurant she is greeted by the hostess.

“How many in your party, ma’am?” Debbie looks at the biker woman as she stood before her.

“Just one.” Raven looks at the young woman standing before her.

“If you’ll follow me, please. Would you prefer a table or a booth, ma’am.”

“Either would be fine.” Raven follows behind the young woman.

Debbie escorts the biker woman over to a booth near the window. She motions to the woman.

Raven sits down and accepts the menu as the hands it to her.

“Your waitress will be with you in a minute.”

“Thank you.” Raven opens the menu to look at what she wanted.

A few minutes later her waitress appears. Raven tells her waitress what she wants to drink and what she wanted to eat. She hands the waitress the menu before she walks off.

Raven watches as the woman walks off. She was totally aware of everyone around her. It was a habit she hasn’t been able to break since she came back from Thailand. She thought about getting her tattoos removed before she came home, but they meant to much to her. The playing card with the Grim Reaper head and Marine Corp. Bull Dog had been done by a member of her unit.

The raven on her back, was done by a member of the MC her father belonged to. It was her first tattoo and it represented her nickname. Plus, it was a rave of ravens that lead the MC to find her. She had been abandoned by her stepfather after her mother died from cancer.

According to what her adopted father and the MC found out about her abandonment. She wasn’t of her stepfather’s blood and he felt no obligation to raise her. Plus, he was hoping to cash in on the insurance policy he had taken out on her, like he did her mother.

Raven just stares out of the tinted window of the restaurant towards the parking lot. She has no idea what she wants to do with her life now. She wasn’t like most women who could blend into society easily. She didn’t have to worry about money, because of her disability check she gets from the military for her injuries and PTSD. Plus, she had her investments she started back when she had a paper route and the money she saved before entering the military.

Her motorcycle had been built from parts she collected while in the military. She would come home on the holidays and work on it with her father and other members from the MC. The frame had been built by a member of the MC. She was considered a member by default. They have been her family since she was rescued and adopted by her adopted father. She wasn’t a patch wearing member, but she was considered family.

Raven is brought out of her thoughts by the waitress setting her meal down in front of her. She looks at the waitress “thank you.”

“My pleasure, ma’am. Let me know if you need anything else.” Tammy smiles and walk away.

“Let’s see if the rumors are true about your steaks, Bully.” Raven cuts into her steak and take a bite.

“Mmmm!” Raven enjoys the buttery taste of the piece she was eating.