I spent the next week seeing how well I could juggle, for Gwen’s wedding was set for the weekend before we were due on my secret squirrel trip. It would be a hell of a drive to Albany, about five hours, but there was a flight If I did that, thank you, Suleiman, we’d need less extra time off from work, and would avoid the frazzle of trying to be neat and tidy for the do. That, and not have to drive with a hangover, of course. Our team would only have to cover the extra Friday for our trip down, and that was really an admin day, so we were fine.

We had a family meeting, Ish mailed his friend, and we were sorted. At least until the Tuesday before the wedding.

“Dad?”

“Yes, son?”

“Just got an e-mail. Asks if we fancy a pint”

“Who from?”

“That Susie, Dad?”

“When’s she suggesting?”

“Um… sort of now?”

“You what?”

“Looks like she’s done a Neil, Dad. At some motel in the City, out by the airport”

“Bloody hell! Got directions?”

I called Maz, and she looked as shocked as I felt, but she was straight to the heart of things.

“Carolyn will be fine, as long as we don’t stop out too late. Not as if she’s new to pubs, is it? Say yes. How do we get there, son?”

Ish laughed.

“Do I work out cheaper than satnav, or something? It’s about one kay from Redcliffe station. Couple of bus changes”

My wife held up her mobile.

“Forget all that. I’ve given Phil’s office a ring. Twenty minutes, they say. So Ish? Shirt on. Carolyn? Hands and face”

The taxi was with us a little early, and took the four of us plus Kawan smoothly through Perth traffic, and Maz was absolutely right, as usual. The motel was a typical Aussie place, all low-rise units and tiny pool, but it looked clean. Our driver insisted on ‘mates’ rates’, yet again, and we stood inside the Thai-style entrance arch between the reception and what was clearly the dining room, bar, whatever, until a rather large bald man called out, “You the Rhodes?”

He held out a spatulate hand, which I took.

“Pete Hall. Friend of Susie’s. She’s inside with the rest; bit warm for her out here”

Maz looked at me before asking him, “How many are you?”

“Six. This place only does bottled beers, by the way. There’s a pub up the road, and we thought, well, my unit’s got stuff from the offy, if you fancy somewhere quieter. Pub’s a rough’un, by all accounts”

Maz nodded quickly.

“It’s a miners’ place, darling. We don’t have them on our books”

Ish murmured, “Yet”, and once again got a nod from his mother.

“Give us time, son. Save introductions till all together, I think”

It was indeed cooler in the dining room, air con working well, and Pete made the introductions once Susie had hugged each of us in turn.

“Susie you know, and that’s her man Andy. My other half Lucy, and that couple… Confusing. I’m his Dad, she’s Lucy’s daughter, and they’re married. And he’s called Pete as well, but she’s Laura. Sorry about the mix-up, it wasn’t deliberate. Anyway, beer is something called VB. Drinks?”

VBs for the adults (Ish now included) and a passion fruit fizz for girl and bear. Maz dove straight in.

“When was all this decided?”

Susie looked at her husband, with a smile.

“Not my doing, Maz. I asked this one to let Mam, my Mam, know, and he just went behind my back. It’s not the busiest…”

Andy shushed her.

“You spent all that time explaining things to Gerald, you should try doing some listening of your own, love. Manager, aye? Darren will be fine. See? One of us listens to Dad Pete here. About managers”

He turned to look at us, with a clearly genuine smile.

“I’ll try and put some sense on it. Me, the two Petes, aye? We were all mates with Gerald. I mean, I ended up son-in-law, like, but it were more than that. He were nicest man you could hope to meet. Pete, Dad Pete, were one who drove them on that trip to place this is all about”

The younger Pete was nodding in an obvious hint that he had extras to add.

“Gerald, well, if it wasn’t for him, I think I’d have given up. Oh: TL-DR version: I was in Afghanistan, and not all of me came back. If you…”

It looked like a good piece of engineering, but it still wasn’t a leg I’d want. He hugged his wife, a slightly long-faced blonde.

“As you can see, getting legless is free for me. Now, we’ve mailed the Horvaths, and if they haven’t got places at the reception for all of us, we’ll cope. We’ve packed together some prints, old photos, other memorabilia for them. We just need…”

He started to laugh, looking at Andy.

“Don’t think this lad got much further than booking flight tickets and finding this place. How we’re getting to Albany, god knows. And we have three weeks in Oz to fill, and I, for one, want to see more than this hotel”

Maz started laughing once again, something I would never tire of.

“Do you all drive? I mean, used to long distances?”

Lucy, who was absolutely immaculate in her presentation, waved at Dad Pete, and then, in the driest of tones, one eyebrow raised, said, “I do believe my darling husband here may own a road haulage business…”

Maz was snorting now, fumbling with her phone. She tapped the green button, and held it to her ear.

“Rod? Maz. Sorry to bother you in the evening, but we may have some trade for you”

There was the usual half-a-conversation, then with a “Rod; Pete”

The big man took the phone.

“Pete Hall… Yup, three weeks… No, first time here… Oh, lorry driver, PSV bus licence, own company… Six of us, all adults, though I’ve never been sure about my son, OR his wife…”

It went on for a few minutes, and then Pete simply said, “You beaut! What?”

He held the phone away from his head and looked at me, with a slight frown.

“Why shouldn’t I try to be cool, Mike?”

Maz was away at that, reaching for her phone.

“I’ll explain it to him, Rod. If you’re okay, I think one of us has time to run a couple of them up to finalise things. As always, you are a star. No: part of the service, and it’s for friends, so no worries. See you tomorrow, my love”

She put the phone away and turned to the Petes.

“An explanation. We have a very dear friend, and he’s a Sikh, from Leicester, via Sheffield”

Laura chuckled.

“That’ll be an accent and a half, then”

Maz laughed.

“That’s not the thing here, but rather that he keeps trying to use Aussie phrases, his little joke. And his name, short form, is Kul”

Ish left it a few seconds before adding, “His family name is Butt, so you can guess the rest”

Laura was well into a giggle fit by then, her husband doing his best not to follow suit, even Lucy looking a little strained, but Andy was spreading his hands in a shrug.

“Kids, aye? Anyway, another beer? Trying to fight jet lag here, sorry”

Phil’s man collected us a couple of hours later, and I tried not to think of the price they must have paid for their trip. The next morning, Maz dropped me off at our office before continuing on to collect the Petes and run them up to Canning Vans. My phone went three hours later.

“Hi love. How’d it go?”

“As expected. He’s given them one of the surf school specials, plus an awning that doubles as a tent. Bedding and that’s in the package. They’re setting off tomorrow, by way of Gracetown. How are we travelling?”

“Air, love, told you”

“But not all of it. I can tell”

“I’ll tell you nearer the day”

“Why not now?”

“Because it wouldn’t be a surprise that way”

“Well, will I need my passport?”

“Not telling you”

“Spoilsport”

“Yes indeed. Anything else from today?”

“Um, yes, I think so. We had a chat on the way up to Rod’s, the two Petes and me. The younger one is a joker, very self-deprecatory. Like that legless joke”

“Coping mechanism, I suppose”

“I suppose. Seems like life’s given him, intentional pun, a kicking. He talks a bit, to fill the gaps, I think. Slipped a little, darling”

“How?”

“Nothing big, but I think the link, some of the closeness between Susie and his wife, might be because she’s, how do they put it? On the same bus”

“Shit!”

“Now, I’m not trying to find trouble here, love, but we might need to be a little, you know, might need to steer the occasional conversation. Nobody needs outing”