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In The Green 7

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CHAPTER 7
Jenny looked a little surprised at that, and I realised how much of Lil’s problem went both ways. How must a trans woman feel, when so much of the world was shouting that same ‘imposter’ directly into her face? I did a rapid blessings count, giving my wife’s hand a squeeze, before waving in the general direction of our departed arseholes.

Routes 43

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I waited until the van had turned the corner, then murmured, “Me, or the family, son?”

“Um… Just us two for now, please”

I raised my voice, dropping as big a hint as I could manage.

“Maz? We’re just having a walk down to the LGA. Have a look in the cupboards, and call us if we need anything”

In The Green 6

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CHAPTER 6
That day was one for bimbling. Sunscreen slathered, floaty dresses and floppy hats donned, or shorts and T-shirt in Lil’s case, and it was a slow amble past a wide variety of shops and tourist traps, with the occasional pause for ice cream, or a cold soft drink. We eventually emerged at the seafront, where all the usual sorts of souvenir cabins and eateries lined one side of a broad footpath, the other dropping onto a sort of beach.

In The Green 5

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CHAPTER 5
Amina and I flew from Cardiff, thankfully, rather than Bristol, but we’d chosen to ride on the number 304 bus, which always takes an age for the journey. We got to see Barry, though, which was…

“They did that series here, Jen”

“Which one?”

“Being Human”

In The Green 4

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CHAPTER 4
Lil sat in silence for a few seconds, staring at the mug of tea Alwen had just delivered. When she did speak, it was far more hesitant than I was used to hearing from her.

“What if… This is all sponging, stuff, yeah? If…”

She stopped once again, clearly seeking the right words before trying once again.

“If this is meant to be the start of proper things, proper COUPLE things, aye? How can I start on the basis of her paying for everything? And what if it doesn’t work out? How do I pay you all back?”

In The Green 3

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CHAPTER 3
I could hear the sirens now, taking the opportunity to slip a canula in as Tom played with the gas: why add more pain? I couldn’t get my head around the lack of blood flow from that leg, and wanted Naz more than a little out of it before I had a poke. If it was what I suspected, he could risk a toxic shock if and when the juices did start flowing.

Sirens; closer, thank fuck. I dropped a unit of morphine into the patient’s arm before nodding to Tom.

“Cavalry, I hope. I’ll hold off on back boards till we get their decision. On the other hand… Bryn?”

“Aye?”

“Could you tug out the back boards for us? You know where they are. I’m going to be very busy in a few”

Routes 41

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The lad wasn’t back home until half past one in the morning, dropped off by a college minibus, and he was in a rather advanced state of the giggles by then. Drunk as a skunk, but still our boy. The rest of us were suitably quiet the next morning. I mean. He’d earned the hangover that time.

Absences

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Not hiding, just not well in multiple ways, which has required two hospital stays and forced full retirement on me. Heart and kidneys are the knowns; thyroid has just been ruled out, and next month they are going to check my liver, deep joy.

Just no energy.

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Routes 40

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We had a fortnight or so to get back into reality, of course, which meant some serious time at the State Government offices on St George’s, catching up with the usual suspects, and not just Bobby and Colleen. Our first few Proper Working days were nominally spent in a conference room with a group of around fifteen delegates from various ‘hubs’, which summed up what could be called Western Australia’s human geography. Like the rest of the country, people flocked to the bigger cities or the coast, and in most cases that added up to the same thing.

Routes 38

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“Careful when you mention Beemers. Our mate Neil rides one”

Tony humphed.

“Talking about the drivers, Mike, not riders. Though I dunno about those who went for the Brick”

A word of explanation is necessary here. BMW classically make bikes with boxer twin engines, where a cylinder sticks out to each side, giving perfect primary balance—in other words, little vibration. That is their ‘R’ series. They later introduced the ‘K’ series, which is weird.

Routes 37

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They did indeed have some suitable cracks. Mostly a little wide for her palming jams, so it became FISTS for LC. The place was apparently an old water pumping station, tricked out in the old fashion to look like an extravagantly Gothic Castle, the huge chimneys embellished as ‘towers’. Apparently they run courses inside them for very long abseils; the sort of trick used by those nutters seen on the end of a rope window-cleaning on glass skyscrapers.

There was a great bouldering area on one floor, overhanging hugely in the centre over a serious crash mat, lead routes of a decent length with fixed ‘quick draws’ for those who wanted to lead rather than toprope, and those walls ranged from reasonably easy angles to overhanging. There was also a plethora of ground anchors. It would do me.

Routes 35

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His voice shook just a little as he called out the directions, but we were soon at the pleasant little café, Clara standing on the footpath outside. I put a hand on the lad’s arm to keep him in his seat.

“She knows where to sit, son, and you’ve only just left her, so let’s get rolling before traffic time, okay?”

Routes 34

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We spent the next three hours settled comfortably on the grass as the skies lit up with stars and shearwaters curdled the air with their conversations, only slowly dying away. It was well past midnight by the time we settled LC into her bunk, after a headtorch-guided amble back to the farmhouse, trying not to step on the rabbits.

Routes 33

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The Lily Ponds lifted my mood in their shaded tranquillity, despite a sort of one-person argument between my wife and herself over whether a rather out-of-place black swan could count as a UK tick on that list she denied keeping. Thankfully, and before she could come close to blows with herself, we were treated to the sight of a kingfisher flying out over the water, plunging, and then disappearing once more with a rather large fish, which reminded my stomach that it had actually been a rather long time since breakfast. Maz laughed, forgetting her swan-based dispute.

“Mike, darling, have we suddenly discovered a hitherto unknown large land predator, or was that your stomach?”

Routes 32

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Our daughter’s silence was a persistent worry, for I suspected that it wasn’t a mature response to the need for silence but rather a conditioned reflex, no doubt beaten into her. Ish didn’t have my character quite right, for there were times I was pretty sure I could kill, and if I had encountered ‘Mr Rattan’ or whatever his bloody name was, I am pretty sure the firing squad he met would have been redundant. Save the bullets, boys, the bald round-eye over there has fists.

Routes 31

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It was a much quieter evening, without the extra small persons, Paul and Paula collaborating with Maz to produce what she called a traditionally untraditional nasi goreng, and the ensuing conversation nearly broke me. I have no idea why, but as Maz prattled on about tradition preceding religion, and the central role pigs had always held in ‘Austronesian’ culture until the arrival of Islam. I had some very sharp memories of those first barbies together with Kul and Geeta, where she had avoided neither alcohol not pork.

Routes 29

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I started to do a countback on my booze intake, and Sammy clearly noticed, laughing out loud.

“None of us bothered tonight, mate. Not asking for a go/no go tonight, just setting a seed. That’s your mate over there, I believe”

The last confused me, until I saw where he was looking, which was in the direction of a very lost-looking Neil. As I started to move, Maz tugged me gently back.

“The lad’s turn, darling. See?”

Ish was already there, hugging my, our friend while clearly struggling to explain why he had some young woman attached to one hand.

Festival Time!

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Yay! All booked, kit sorted hire car arranged, ready to head up to Shrewsbury on August 20th for the annual musical extravaganza. Just one small problem, which involves being placed in the acute medical unit of the local hospital with incipient heart failure and severe pneumonia.

Not a content lagomorph, as Mr Sedgewick's people observe,

I am so, so tired of being so ill.

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Routes 28

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Change the subject, Rhodes.

“This is a nice place, Paula”

“It should be. Cost us an arm and a leg. Or rather, in my case, nearly an arm”

“Um… Lexie and I share a few friends. I think I know what you mean”

She nodded, her smile wistful.

“Yup. Just another thing I owe to Diane and the rest. Mo had a lot of assets, and they came my way”

“Mo?”

Routes 27

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Our last morning in a tent for a while dawned with a slight hint of miserable weather, the first in what seemed like an age. It had rained during the night, but nobody seemed to care much. All our girls were in light dresses and flip-flops or sandals, on the basis that if they got wet feet, who cared? I remembered the old Scouts camping adage that site dress should be shorts and canvas plimsolls, on the same principle. I somehow doubted that people at Everest Base Camp would concur, but it worked for a typical British Summer.

Routes 26

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I was up very late on Tuesday morning, and in the end we were one of the last groups to leave, as I wanted to male sure my blood cells outnumbered the alcohol. I had switched to softer drinks after midnight, just to be sure, but I waited until noon and they were actually kicking us off the site. The traffic had dropped considerably by then, so we were soon out of Shrewsbury and on the A49 heading towards the Shropshire Hills. The day before had been, as the cliché goes, one to remember, but I suspected it might just have been erased from some people’s memories.

Routes 25

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I stepped up to my baby, laying an arm over his shoulders.

“Do you think you will?”

“How do I know, Dad? Not exactly been in any sort of thing with a girl before, have I?”

“Son… Mum and me, we talked you through where we were, before we met. When we were with Alan and Carolyn”

“They’re still family, Dad”

Routes 24

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For some unknown reason, most people were up later for their breakfast the following morning. The exceptions, of course, were the four young people nesting in the Edifice, who were clearly audible, even through earplugs, from shortly after dawn. I popped my plugs out just in case we were to be visited by a lively LC, only to hear the typically calm voice of Jan as she corralled and fed the child pack. By the time I finally surfaced, they were gone, apparently delivered by Shan’s Mum Ginny to the children’s play area.

Priorities at that age are somewhat fickle.

Routes 22

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It wasn’t far off the girl’s dream, I realised, as four of us in two couples joined another couple (ignoring the four kids) for a meal consisting of pie and mash in a cardboard box, which was actually tasty. Our son looked slightly woozy, in the happiest of ways, and both Blake and Di joined us in absolutely not teasing him. That restraint was clearly telling on Di, for she suddenly stood up and called out “OY!” to someone behind me, followed by “Just walk past and ignore me, why don’t you?”

Routes 21

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It was surprisingly quiet as we turned left off the Welsh Bridge on the ‘Festival Thursday’, but traffic built up a little as we hit the rise to the Berwick Road traffic lights. We were waved straight past what I had assumed would be the entrance and down to a field gate, where a rough track gave way to a series of ups and downs that had me a little worried about speed. We arrived at the other side unharmed and undamaged, however, and went through the ticket check and across the lane into the site proper. The first thing to grab my attention was the sign ‘Kill your speed, not a folkie’, which appealed to my sense of logic. Ish was on his phone.

Routes 20

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“What bloody festival?”

“Shrewsbury folk festival. Bit of history there, to say the least. It’s where the Woodruffs met for starters, as well as where Annie and Eric got together. It was also the girls’ first trip away, as a couple, that is, and not with either set of parents. We thought it would, well; it’s not just a chance for you to get some relaxed time with both of them, but it also seemed like a proper present for Maz and the little one. They tell me it’s very good for kids, loads of activities just for them. The last weekend of the month, ah? Give my girl a chance to breathe. I’ll let you know who’s on, but not today. Enjoy the trip, love. We’ll be fine”

Routes 19

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We stayed in the car while Maz did her bird-naming extravaganza, listening to a new disc Ish had found in Bangor, before heading off to South Stack for more of the same, with the addition of LC’s insistence on counting every step from the top to the bridge over to the lighthouse, and Clara came to the fore just then, explaining what exactly a lighthouse was, as well as its purpose, while I filled the gaps by pointing out seals as well as some of the more famous climbs up the churned semi-rock of Mousetrap Zawn.

“What exactly is that…stuff, Dad?”

Routes 18

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Our burst of laughter was interrupted by a call of “Budge over!” from Pen, as she and Keith appeared, each carrying a folded camping stool.

“If you lot are annexing our bunkhouse, me and Keefy will get a drink out of you, at least. You eaten?”

Maz grinned a welcome, her mood clearly on an upswing.

“Just ordered. Please tell me we’re not planning on hitting the chippy afterwards!”

I noticed a sharp look from Frank towards his wife, but she simply slipped an arm through his for a squeeze. Their business. That was when LC announced that she liked crunchy sausages, which drew Deb’s attention back to the rest of us.

“What are crunchy sausages, Carolyn?”

Routes 17

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It was another superb day, LC managing Equinox, at VS, but I drew the line at Solstice, as it is not just HVS but involves a particularly nasty and sustained layback. We’d started on the relatively easy slab of Jagged Face, which is a balance and small holds affair, going as low as Hard Very difficult or Mild severe, before the far more technical (and vertical) Solstice face.

Routes 16

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We ate breakfast as a family plus one (plus bear), and I noticed little nudges by Clara to Ish, with the occasional meaningful look towards Maz or myself. I waited until we had done the dishes and cleared everything away before dropping the hint.

“You want a word with me, son?”

He looked down at his feet for a few seconds, then nodded, so I led him outside into the slowly warming day.

“What is it, Ish?”

“Um, Clara, Dad. She says… Look, her staying with us was my idea, and it’s really nice, and… but she thinks you might see her as pushy, and she doesn’t want that. She wanted me to let you know that if it’s awkward, she can always go back with the others”

Routes 15

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We ate in the pub again, as neither of us wanted to wrestle with the influx of paying guests for the cooking facilities, and Neil was on his last night with us before heading home. Our two girls came over from Bangor, but just for the evening, and there was a very obvious bit of silent communication between them as they clocked our (bunk)house guest.

I had slipped back for a quiet talk with Maz on the way downhill, surprised at her surge of decisiveness.

Routes 14

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A rapid bit or negotiation followed, as Debbie clearly needed assurance her charge would be safe, and Neil was initially reluctant to move, as his little notebook was filling with e-mail addresses and names, but the promise of fresh victims finally settled the deal.

It had obviously been years since I had climbed on Milestone, but it had always been a favourite spot, right from my earliest puzzlement at how to use the unfriendly voids on Direct up to my realisation that the slab held enough holds in its ripples to make the climbing far more straightforward. As we uncoiled the ropes, Enfys was chuckling.

Routes 13

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We joined the others just as Chrissy caught us up.

“They’re a friendly lot in there, Mike. All my stuff locked away, no humping, not even the nice sort—er, sorry. Sense of humour gets a little direct when I’m tired. Got my ear plugs, so should be safe from snorers”

Ish looked directly at me, before saying “Snap!”, and then we were inside, the lad beginning a round of introductions for the woman, before she simply cornered Steph for a chat about strings or soundposts, or perhaps sanity and its retention. As usual, Geoff simply sat and laughed, as LC quite casually sat in Neil’s lap to show him her photos

Routes 12

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After a serious bit of hugging, or maybe strangling, by our girl, he passed her to her brother as Enfys set his lid onto a bunk. Settling himself onto a chair after doffing his jacket, he simply held out a hand as Alys placed a cup into it.

“How was the ride, Neil?”

“Not a bad one, mate, but I’m on the Beemer today, so took it a bit more gently. Club tonight?”

Routes 11

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I left Hathersage by way of the Hope Valley, making a stop in Castleton for simple tourist games, and a longer one for a boat ride in the Speedwell cavern. That one nearly fell apart, though, as LC froze at the entrance.

Maz and Ish had a quiet chat with her, Ish reporting back to me with a frown.

“Caves, Dad, Being locked up in one, to be exact”

Routes 10

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I soloed a couple of severe cracks, just to feel the joy of thuggery while sanctimoniously claiming it was purely to demonstrate how jamming worked, and then spotted the other three for some low level gymnastics. For Carolyn, that actually meant standing with my hands either side of her hips, while she told me her own hands were too small.

“That, my love, is why we have fists. Try it this way”

Routes 9

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The drive south was awful, almost entirely on motorways once we had hit the edge of Newcastle. Partway through, Maz passed a disc forward, and we spent the next fifty minutes or so listening to ‘Galloways’ by Jez Lowe.

“Dad?”

LC, once again daring to break a silence, even if it was filled with someone else’s music.

Routes 8

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Neil directed us the next day, even though I knew the way, which allowed him to prattle on about the local sites and sights while I simply drove. For once, his chatter fitted the day for it worked like a cross between a sat nav and a tour guide. We heard all about how Cragside in Rothbury, powered by hydroelectricity. how the steam turbine was invented in Newcastle, which also had the world’s first electric public lighting, using the light bulb invented in Sunderland and copied by a man called Edison, and Neil was partway through a rather too detailed account of lawsuits and combined companies when he stopped dead.

“Sorry, all. I got talking, and then I remembered another place I want to see. It’s a little before the car park, Mike”

Routes 7

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Yet again that comment. I decided to leave it for as long as I could so that whatever surprise they were clearly organising would remain just that: a surprise.

We said our goodnights, and ambled back to my family, just as the food was arriving. Ish was staring at his glass.

“Dad?”

“Son?”

“This doesn’t really taste like beer”

“Not quite right, son. It’s the stuff back home that doesn’t taste like beer”

Routes 6

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Once she had slaked her lust for her list tick, I whispered in her ear, “Something else for you round the corner, love”

Neil led the way again, back across the wall and then traversing the hillside towards the crags between the dark waters of the lough and the crags of the Whin Sill below the Wall, and Maz’ smile became a grin as I took her hand once again.

“When we went out to Statham’s that first time, and I asked what the rock was, and then said I was familiar with it?”

“That you’d climbed on it before? This is the place, isn’t it?”

Routes 5

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Our second evening was almost as good, spent in the Forth, just up Pink Lane from our hotel, because we had a visitor. We had just given our food order at the bar when Maz squealed, LC looking terrified for a few seconds as Ish calmed her, before turning to offer a hand to our new arrival after he had released Maz from his hug and finished wiping his eyes.

“Neil. Be welcome, mate. Be so bloody welcome! Carolyn?”

She started, almost as if slapped.

“Ish?”

Routes 4

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LC simply looked confused, but it was our son’s turn to help, Ish calling out, “When I was very little, I had a stuffed rabbit”

“What’s a rabbit?”

Moments like that cut me, for each was a reminder of how much of our child’s life had been stolen by those bastards, along with that of my wife. Ish was still on point, though.

“It’s a little animal, Carolyn. We’ll show you some real ones, but mine was a toy, like your bear, for cuddling. Another name for a rabbits is ‘Bunny,’ and because I was very little, I called mine Bunbun”

“Have you still got it?”

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