the good old days of YMIFE.

...if there wasn't somewhere to come back from...

and the very real danger that there would be no coming back.

I suppose I deserve that since, from the way I've handled things, this seems to be what I've been trying to do. Now that you've raised the point, my changing my attitude on matters will seem like I'm some sulky little nine year old (age arbitrarily chosen; I don't have a particular nine year old in mind) who's been found out and is now trying to cover things up.

The purpose of the comments at the beginning was, hopefully, to raise awareness on behalf of the contributors to this site that (and I think I may have mentioned this already) no-one works well in a vacuum. I'd love to get paid for my work, being perpetually in an ongoing income/expenditure deficit situation myself, but it's not something I'd ever ask of you wonderful people. If anyone deserves to get paid first and foremost it's the amazing team of people who work so hard to keep the servers going, the stories readable and the atmosphere on this site so positive and supportive. I can't much more than applaud their efforts and make minor contributions when opportunity arises.

As a formerly regular, and now slightly more occasional, writer here, I started posting stories after half a century of confusion and frustration. It was catharsis and it was self-discovery, and it more or less fed itself. I was able to write out of a burning need to express the feelings no-one else in my life seemed ready to hear, or at the very least seemed, as far as I could see, ready to accept the twisted me underneath. These days I'd say I've come a long way, but still with an immensely long way still to go, and one of the conclusions I've reached is that this is something none of us ought to be doing alone.

It's difficult for people like me (like us if I'm not being too presumptuous) to open up and let the world see who we are. Certainly I've only overtly told half a dozen people who I really am, and only found a welcome with one of them. Without interaction, without communication, we all shrivel and die a little. I'm not the greatest spontaneous communicator; I either sit in the corner wishing someone would come and talk to me - very much the archetypal wallflower - or I find one of my many soapboxes and monopolise the conversation without fully realising how much of a bore I'm being (probably a bit like I am now), plus my mind often seems to be elsewhere, so blogging or tweeting or even joining in with discussion groups doesn't fit well into my daily routine.

I put a lot into my writing, and there was a time it was more for me than anything. Now whenever I post something that's taken several tens or hundreds of hours to write and improve, only to have half a dozen people comment on it, I feel like I've done nothing worthwhile (oh the melodrama). I might as well write the stories and chuck them straight in the recycling without letting anyone else read them.

Actually that's not entirely fair. There are a few people who faithfully comment or pm (whether I beg for it or not), and to you guys I'm grateful. I won't mention names because then I'd probably embarrass some and offend the ones whose names I didn't include. Stanman commented on pretty much everything I posted. He never said much, but I miss him.

So, in short (heh), this is for everyone who writes here. Feedback is a necessary part of the creative process. I'm as guilty as most of reading and not commenting, and I'm resolving to do better. There are times when what springs to mind is more critical than supportive, and then I choose to be quiet rather than risk offence. For me though, I relish anything anyone has to say. I have quite a few corrections pmed to me (for which I'm grateful, both for the information and the discretion) and I have the odd challenge in a comment, which often triggers some of the more enjoyable discussions.

It takes so little time just to put a few words together, and it makes all the difference. I'd probably be posting more, probably be more inspired, if I were talking to real people about the real issues they face every day. I relish the contact with other people who think and feel like me, and I don't want to feel starved of it as I have done sometimes. I can only believe this is true for other writers here. Just because you can take something that's offered without giving back doesn't mean you should. You may actually find in the giving that you gain more yourself.

So. Rant over. I'll not be making any more comments at the beginnings of these stories like I have been doing. I probably won't even use the level of response to dictate when the next posting goes up, but please, spare a thought for the people who contribute to your entertainment here (and I'm not just thinking about me). Take a moment to feed a starving author, even if it is only a few words.