And although I know my spouse will never see this post, I simply wanted everyone to know how much she has meant to me over the past several decades. Tomorrow will be our 40th anniversary, which is probably about 39 years longer than I expected our marriage to last, lol.

I was 25 when we married, and a very junior Lieutenant in the US Navy. I spent the first year after graduating from USC on my initial cruise and in training, and then spent two years getting my masters degree at Tulane University about a year prior to our wedding. I then spent the last year in training between San Diego and postgraduate work at the Naval Postgraduate School in Monterey. We were married in 1985, and shortly after our honeymoon, I was shipped out to the Med and North Africa - the start of a long and storied career in some very shitty parts of the world. My spouse put up with some long and difficult years while I was in the Navy, years which kept me away from home more than she should have had to put up with, not to mention multiple combat missions which saw me wounded three times. And during all of this she gave birth to three sons, and basically raised them essentially as a single parent with a spouse who visited periodically.

And then, when I left active duty she had to put up with the Navy telling me that because of the missions I had been on, and because of my specialty in the service, I would not be allowed to retire and would be held as inactive reserve for the rest of my life. This gives the Navy a level of control over my life and especially over my medical history. To date, this has only infringed on my use of a therapist. I was provided a therapist who met their standards, and more importantly had agreed to the Navy’s security demands. Of course, not forgetting the two times I was called back to active duty for short periods of time. The only good thing about the situation is the retirement I receive with the rank of Captain, or 0-6 for those of you who don’t understand Navy ranks.

And then, after putting up with my career in the Navy and my being away from home, I accepted a position in logistics which allowed me to be home every day. Six months after accepting that position, my employer promoted me to a senior management position that had me traveling four to five days each week. She dealt with that for years. I committed to her that when I was home that I would be 100% at home - I would do nothing without my family, and I never did.

And then ten years ago, I came out to her as transgender. That was very nearly the straw that broke the camel’s back. But after about two weeks separated, she called me and told me it didn’t matter - that she still loved me, and that I was still the same person she had always loved.

So, here we are, after forty years, still together. Our marriage is far from perfect; we definitely have our share of disagreements and arguments, but we work past them because we love each other. And she will tell anyone that I am a much better person than before my transition.

She is so much more than I deserve. The woman is a saint.