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sighs.
my brother told me since I cannot change my gametes, because I must take female hormones for the rest of my life, I cannot be a woman.
He believes I am suffering from a delusion, that I have wrong ideas about men and woman, and the doctors who supported me did so at the behest of Big Pharma.
so there it is.
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Comments
Maybe ask your brother
if all the right-wing dogma being preached at him is coming from guys who use male "enhancement" products because they can't get it up without them.
After all, if they're having to take hormonal help, then they aren't really men by his conclusion, right?
Melanie E.
Take it for what it's worth.
That opinion and a $5 bill will get you a latte at any coffee shop in town.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin ein femininer Mann
It hurts
Anyone else might have said something as hurtful, but coming from your brother, those words have a greater impact.
Reactions from my own family. Both my son and daughter=-in-law know about 'me.' I won't be transitioning ever, but my daughter-in-law still asked me which pronouns she should use. My wife told me she loved me, and wanted to tell my son; neither of us knowing he had known for a few years. (An open Word Document on a family desktop can make for great fiction fodder, BTW)
BUT
I was out grocery shopping with my younger brother last summer. He knows nothing about 'me." Walking past a newspaper display,he began to rail against immigrants and such, which would have been harsh enough; especiall since our father was from Sicily. But he Mega-MAGAed the tirade by sayin how wrobng it was that poeople were convincing kids to 'change their sex!' It devolved from there.
As much as I have endured in my lifetime, his words were about as hurtful as anything I evere heard. Because he's my brother! Not a pundit. Not a preacher. The kid who played with model cars and rode bikes with me. It HURTS because neither my brother nor yours is questioning an opinion. They are questioning our essence. WHO we are.
I am so very sad for your blog; especially when I realize you and I aren't alone in this, but share a commonality with our friends and family on this site. Commonality can be freeing, but in this case it is horrible.
All my love!
Love, Andrea Lena
I'm sorry you had to put up with your brother's attitude
huggles
I'm sorry you had to put up with your brother's attitude
huggles
I feel your pain Drea and Dotty
Oh wait that's MY pain! No wonder it hurts so fucking much!!
I learned over a decade ago to never ever bring up anything trans
around my sister. My coming out attempt is a whole gruesome story
that I shared here back then; but since then I really can't feel like she's
my friend, only an acquaintance I have to be careful what I say around her.
Allie bails on anybody she deems a whiner, one of these "people with problems"
so weve never had a serious discussion about anything since then. An acquaintance
I happen to own a house with. It hurts but it isn't just trans stuff she doesn't believe in;
it's any issue she's never experienced herself; depressed people, incest survivors etc
need to just GET OVER IT and if they can't they'd better not dump it on her!! (And guess
who she's gonna vote for again next year if he's on the ballot + not in jail or fled the country.)
So with her I consider the source + feel validated when her son (a county sheriff) calls her TOXIC
I've come to realize that blood isn't always thicker than water; and have come to appreciate that SISTERS ARE WHERE YOU FIND THEM. I feel much closer to you two sisters I've never met and many more sisters and some brothers here at BCTS, who I don't have to be so careful what I say about myself around; and who keep me going with huggles and encouragement when the bleakness and despair hit; which I hope I'm doing for you as well. So yeah this little site of Erins and the people here is a lifesaver... A FRIEND-ly place where everybody knows your name, your real name; not that stupid one on my birth certificate...
~much love, Veronica
for the axe had convinced them that because his handle
was made of wood he was one of them.
Don't forget, you can choose your friends
Relatives, you are stuck with -- except -- if they choose to be unfriendly, you CAN reciprocate.
Your life is yours to choose who you prefer as your associates and, better still, friends.
Dave
I’m sorry.
I’m with ‘Drea. It just hurts. It’s family, they should have your back. When they stick a knife in, “for your own good,” of course, it goes deep. Hugs, woman!
— Emma
Female Hormones
Dorothy, your brother is an MD? Maybe has a degree in the field of Genetics? My GOD! I want to meet him. I've been researching transgender for more than forty years. What I have learned is most have it wrong. The "experts" are experts only in their own mind and their loyal subjects. Love, even medical doctors have most of it wrong.
You must love the intelligence factor everyone claims as it seems everyone has an expert opinion. The best expert advice comes from the least qualified to be giving it. The most truthful data is the following. "Don't quote us because we aren't sure what we mean."
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8799808/
As a library, NLM provides access to scientific literature. Inclusion in an NLM database does not imply endorsement of, or agreement with, the contents by NLM or the National Institutes of Health.
I've had two private physicians tell me to not darken their door. I had one Doc at the VA who would be in total agreement with your brother. She could no longer support me as trans because I aged out of transgender. My relatives, brother, and sister won't talk to me. That's okay, they hated me anyway. My son won't talk to me. He has his signals mixed up in religion. He won't talk to his sister. She's an exceptionally beautiful woman. I might be a little prejudice. She had M stamped on her birth certificate.
Dorothy, you were brave enough to cross that great divide. Live your life and enjoy the comfort and fun things that came after you took that step. It's the best statement and possible sweetest revenge in life to annoy the hell out of one's detractors when you accept yourself as this is God's Gift. I come across so many girls who want to please everyone else and they fail to embrace who they are themselves.
PM me, I'll give you my phone number so you may give it to your brother. I have been looking for the all knowing messiah, who can enlighten me on the do's and don't of everything transgender.
Love you Dorothy, accept yourself, live your life.
Barb
Life is a gift meant to be lived, not worn until it's worn out.
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
It's Your Life
Dorothy, live the way you wish to live. Don't forget the past or the opinions of others, whether or not they are kin or just opinionated busybodies, but put them in the appropriate box.
The main thing to remember is that you are valued for yourself and that you bring much pleasure to other users of this site.
Dickheads exist everywhere and (forgive me) your brother is one. Someone smart said you can pick your friends but you're stuck with your family. Actually you can ignore dickheads, even if they happen to be family. You have many friends here.
Melanie really hit the nail on the head with her observation that a man cannot be a real man if he needs chemical enhancement to "perform". So have a little chuckle when somebody says you can't be a "real" woman. Most of us here are in that boat, but we live with it.
In the Sixties...
...it was often said that your right to swing your fist stops at my nose.
Your brother has a right to an opinion. His right to express that opinion ends when it will hurt you. Every mouth comes with a filter. . .the closing part.
Society has a right to an opinion. Society's right to express that opinion ends when it becomes hateful, bigoted rhetoric.
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Opinions
Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one and they are usually full of shit. Ask him about Kim Novak and Jamie Leigh Curtis. They are both XY.
Portia
People often have opinions that are based on emotions
Rather than facts. Often the emotion is fear because what you are doing is undermining his masculine superiority. We know that to be a delusion and it is only a factor in paternally governed societies, which rule on the dominance of males through physical force, through which they hold most budgets. It is all an illusion because a male society needs women, they can't breed without us. So if you can try to forget his opinion as both uninformed and unhelpful ( and hide his viagra).
Angharad
Family, not supportive
Expecting support from family is the delusion.
Good times, noodle salad
Lots of trans folks have families that are supportive. Just not us...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8shdlcJjAJ8
But I do find it heartening that some---especially among
the younger generation---have better stories to tell.
~hugs, Veronica
for the axe had convinced them that because his handle
was made of wood he was one of them.
MfL
Taliban in drag? I get the Taliban part; ideological intolerant idiots. The MfL pox is afflicting my local school board. (I always think of a different word for the “f”.)
But what’s wrong with drag? They, conceivably, might discover outrageous dress-up to be fun, and harmless.
An Aussie quote.
This will only make sense to Aussie readers but my comment is 'Tell 'im 'es dreamin.' '
Family
Family dynamics are interesting. At 68, I have come out to everyone I know in the past two months. My younger brother and sister have been very supportive, my older brother and sister not so much. My middle son has been quite supportive, my other 4 children are on radio silence.
Friends from childhood, high school, college, business associates, golf buddies, etc. have been very supportive.
But people's comments tell us about them, not us. Hang in there Dorothy. Find new friends. Get involved in local charities and organizations. I found an LGBTQ friendly church close to me with a community outreach that has some wonderful people involved. This isn't a familiar or easy topic for most people, but I think of us as pioneers in a way.
We owe a lot to the trans people who have come before us, including many on this site who have been out for decades. Let's pay it forward to those trans folks who look to us for strength and support.
You're in my thoughts and prayers Dorothy. :DD
DeeDee
Thinking again about "if ya gotta takes them pills, ...
"if ya gotta take thems pills, ya can't be a real 'whatever'."
I've seen that, in another part of my life.
Thing is, I'll guess that just about everybody in the Developed World is on life-long pills/supplements.
It's called Vitamin B12. We either get enough, or our brains and red blood cell systems 'rot'. The deficiency diseases are >nasty<, and sometimes >un-treatable<.
Right now, I have a ~2 liter carton of soy milk in my fridge ... wait for it ... it's B12 supplemented.
In the USA, a lot of flours are fortified (supplements added), because (1930's or so?) the government had an attack of Science and Wisdom, figured out that people were getting sick from deficiency diseases (white flour sells (and keeps) way better than whole grain), and mandated the supplements.
But, I guess you can't be (in my bit of the world) a real vegan if you need supplements.
And the USA-ians who need the flour supplements - what is 'the real thing' that they can't be? Beats me, I have no clue.
---
Meanwhile, in places where root veggies are not hyper-sanitized (so the B12 is still clinging); where flour is not so ultra-processed that the nutrition is stripped out ... Well, I guess they are the only 'real people'. And real vegans if they are.
=== === ===
Not that you might have the stomach for it, but 'raid' your brother's medicine cabinet - and see what's keeping him "real" (alive).
If he's older than 40, I'm putting my imaginary money on at least one of: heart, cholesterol, blood pressure and diabetes drugs. Oh, and maybe a ('for men'? - he-he) multivitamin.
And I'll bet on at least one additional drug for every 6 years over forty.
Others have mentioned viagra or similar.
=== === ===
Had an Air Force co-worker who declared: "It's not the airframe, it's the avionics." That is, it's not what was towed out of the manufacturing hanger, but the flight control systems - >including pilot<.
You've got a model XY airframe ... and female avionics and pilot. And a life-long struggle to get your body to 'fly' properly. So if Rx hormones help, then YES!
=== === ===
And your brother's opinion? Write it on toilet paper, then dispose of the TP in the usual way.