Okay so dream time again.

Last night, I dreamed I was a kid again, and I was at some kind of summer camp. The first part of the the dream had me using a ray gun, and telling someone the gun aimed itself, and therefore almost never missed.

The second part was after we played for a while, we were called back to participate in a sharing time, and any excitement I had during the ray gun time disappeared.

okay so yesterday Mom and I went to a laundromat to do our clothes.

And just as we had pulled out our stuff from the dryers and had started to fold them, a rainstorm opened up seemingly right over our head. The water poured down until there was ankle deep water outside the door of the place, and then a lightning bolt must have hit a nearby transformer as the place went dark and all the machines stopped working.

So I had this dream where I was working in a warehouse basement (alone, for some reason), and a group of thieves came in to steal the stuff.

I tried my best to stop them, I threw things at them I took swings with whatever I could find, I hid stuff from them, I even jumped on them.

It was not only ineffective, they didn't seem to even mind.

They found me amusing instead of even being a nuisance.

I kept on trying anyway, so I guess that's something.

I ... don't think my subconscious likes me very much ...

so I saw my doc today, and he said the x-rays show improvement in my lungs, but they are still less than three-quarters full.

nothing I can really do about it except rest when I can, and let my body finish the job.

With significant help from Columbine, I finally have a new story up!

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/110945/blackouts

I am not gonna claim to be any sort of expert on dreams, but when the same theme shows up in every dream for a week, I am going to assume my brain is trying to tell me something.

Each dream was different in terms of the setting, the details, but they all had 1 thing in common - I was failing at whatever the task was.

I failed in classes in school, I failed to connect to my classmates, I failed at 2 different jobs, I even failed at 2 different relationships - one with a girl, and one, surprisingly, with a boy.

From the moment I decided to attempt to bring Dorothy to life, I have been fighting against my body.

It took massive amounts of female hormones to finally quell the male ones in my body, and that was only the first battle.

Well, yesterday, I had to acknowledge my defeat in the area of clothing - specifically, panties.

I had bought some panties several months back, and I am giving up on them.

my big belly makes getting something to fit a struggle at the best of times, but my male parts make the whole thing a joke.

I think its wonderful that thousands of years ago, humans gave cute nicknames to pets, wrote each other love letters, made complaints about not being paid enough, and wrote graffiti on walls.

We really haven't changed all that much.

So I saw the lung specialist today, and it was mixed news.

On the one hand, she listened to my breathing, and it sounds good.

On the other hand, the x-rays they took show that my right lung has not fully re-inflated yet, and I still have a little bit of gunk in there, in an awkward spot where they wouldn't be able to drain it.

so nothing for it but to try and rest and take it easy a little longer.

As I age, I find I am less interested in finding a sexual partner, and want to find someone who would hold me and stroke me, and tell me I'm a good girl and . . . I've become a dog, haven't I?

I'm doing a poll, and hope I get lots of opinions

I wanted to figure out what stories of mine are people's favorites, so here is the poll. I decided that only multiple part stories that are not fanfiction could qualify, so pick one (or more!):

Between One Step and the Next: https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/28016/between-one-step-a...

For some reason, I found myself thinking about my stepfather today.

I think I have moved past hating him, and now I see him is just a pathetic bully and liar.

Still have PTSD because of him, though, so I guess I just have to live with that.

so apparently, yesterday was my 17th anniversary of being in this place.

Where does the time go?

This is the story of a woman who lived as a man for a year (caution, suicide referenced);

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXHYV_H7owI&rco=1

But as bad as it went for her, it goes worse for trans women forced to live as men ...

So today we realized there were a bunch of stuff that hadn't been done around here since I went into the hospital, and since i was in manic mode, I decided to try and reduce the list a little.

I did pretty well, but at some point the manic fog lifted enough for me to realize i had pushed myself as much as I could, and for once I actually listened to my body and called it a day.

It probably doesn't seem like much, but I'm a little proud I could override the manic and realize when I needed to stop.