My mom has turned 89 years old today!

feel free to send hugs, I'll pass em along!

it sent me another story, and its ... well, I will let you guys decide ...

New story up, sorry for the double post.

so on Wednesday night, while we were driving home, the car blew a tire. I pulled over, and almost immediately a guy in a work truck stopped and asked if he could help.

With his assistance, we were able to get the tire off and put on the spare so we could limp home.

I didn't even catch his name, but that guy was a hero when we needed one.

there is a picture of Marilyn Monroe in a dress made out of a potato sack.

Apparently, the picture came about because some critic said that she had an unfair advantage in being beautiful because she had the best dress makers and designers making her clothes.

so she made the potato sack dress, to show that wasn't true.

Now, I have the reverse problem. you could get the best t, the best makeup team, you name it, and it wouldn't make me passible, much less pretty.

Still, one must do the best with what one has, yes?

I am writing this to give myself (and anybody else who might need the reminder) that the horrible stuff that happened to me, and the mistakes I've made are not my whole story. They exist, they are chapters in my book, but there other chapters as well.

And as long as I am alive, even more chapters will be written

Little while back I was at the bank, and the teller was the amazingly beautiful woman - like supermodel pretty.

And what was I focused on?

Her friendship bracelet.

I'm really weird, that's all ....

It says something that here I sit at 60, and my dysphoria still hurts like hell

So I got a chance to watch the Backrooms movie.

If you're not familiar with the backrooms, look it up, it's weird, and so was the movie.

a man whose life is unravelling enters a space where the normal rules take a holiday, and things just spiral from there.

I'm not sure I understand the ending of the movie, but maybe that was the idea.

if you're a fan of the shorts or the games, this is a pretty faithful adaptation of the concept, so for those people, I can recommend it.

but if surrealism and such stuff annoys you, this movie is probably not for you

one of my major problems is when I am either really manic or really depressed, I get ideas that seem to make perfect sense - until I get out of that phase, and I see them as they actually are.

When in manic, this often comes out in me overdoing things and not feeling the consequences at the time.

in depression, its mostly negative self talk - I get convinced I'm tolerated rather than liked, that I'm a pile of toxic sludge that only can hurt people who try and care about me.

So here is a medical update:

Sharon turned out to have food poisoning, so she will need meds for a while, but should make a full recovery.

As for me, my lung is almost completely refilled, but I do have scar tissue from where they attached the drainage hose. other than that, I'm doing pretty good, except some issues with fat on my liver they want to do a test on.

So I guess you all are stuck with me for a while yet!

Okay so I was re-reading the story of Ester from the Bible, and I noticed something.

Not to step on anybody's religious toes, but I found that as a trans woman, I could see a trans story in there.

I mean, she's living quietly, then gets pushed into a place where she can express her feminine nature - clothes, makeup, beauty treatments, and so on, but there is a catch - she has a secret that if found out could even end her life.

Eventually, though, she must reveal the secret to save her people, regardless of the risk.

so I want to talk about Executive Dysfunction for a second.

See, a while back, I bought a bottle of nail polish while at a dollar store, with the idea of painting my nails so I can get a little gender euphoria.

I haven't done it yet.

somehow, there is a gap between "wanting to do the thing" and doing the thing.

And it occurred to me that If I'm having that much trouble doing something I know would make me happy, how much worse is this problem going to be if the task involves something I dont really want to do in the first place?

spend the day with my aunt and her dog. He's having a rough go, and might need to be put down, so I wanted to see him one last time.

I could use some hugs, folks

Okay so dream time again.

Last night, I dreamed I was a kid again, and I was at some kind of summer camp. The first part of the the dream had me using a ray gun, and telling someone the gun aimed itself, and therefore almost never missed.

The second part was after we played for a while, we were called back to participate in a sharing time, and any excitement I had during the ray gun time disappeared.

okay, so yesterday I finally got to spend some time with Sharon and Sam for the first time since I got home from the hospital.

We went to the Muttart Conservatory, which is one of the most beautiful and most relaxing places in Edmonton.

Best moment though was while we were waiting at a bank, and Sharon leaned into me saying she had forgotten how good a pillow I make.

It was a bit of a long day, and I'm paying for it with a forced quiet day today, but still, worth it.

and she brought a new story with her!

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/111054/journey-thousa...

so I saw my doc today, and he said the x-rays show improvement in my lungs, but they are still less than three-quarters full.

nothing I can really do about it except rest when I can, and let my body finish the job.

With significant help from Columbine, I finally have a new story up!

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/110945/blackouts

so I got the results of an x-ray on my shoulder back, and its not good. the words "severe arthritis" was mentioned, and at that point my brain kind of blacked out.

I need to ask my province's disability fund if they will cover physiotherapy, which considering they are busy trying to force disabled people who cant work to work anyway, I am not hopeful.

I came up with a story idea a couple of days ago, but when I went to try and write it out, I ran into the same problem I have been dealing with for a while - I get to a point, and I just run out of steam.

I have about a dozen stories in more or less the same condition, but I am wondering if this is why I favor flash fiction - one way to get around the sticking point is to just end the story.

I am not desperate enough to try AI, but I am not sure what I can do.