HOPELESS HIGH ON THE FIRST DAY OF THE SCHOOL YEAR

Hopeless High did not live up to my expectations. At first sight it was far, far worse. And to make things even worse “Hopeless High School” really was it’s name. The pride of Hopeless, MT. pop. 6,421, including me now. Hopeless had decided to keep the name because it drew tourists. Perhaps as many as 2 000 every year. Doesn’t sound much but it was the difference between life and deaths – for the motel and the one decent restaurant in town, sorry, city.

I was Susan, a freshman girl about to start my new life in a new school. Only months before I had been a successful college boy doing well in my studies and on the varsity football team. Big man on campus. The smallest guy in the history of the college. I compensated for that by speed, technique and pure grit.

Don’t think I was in Hopeless, MT. by my own choice. Or a girl for that matter. I was blackmailed by Dour. “Do as I say or die” is quite compelling, when the threat is credible. It had all been made easier by the facts that I had no close relatives and no real friends. And no, as opposed to Hopeless Dour wasn’t really named Dour. He had said that since he’d never tell me his real name I could call him whatever I wanted, except orange and Dawg. When I called him “Dour” there was just a hint of a twitch at the corner or his mouth.

Well, Dour had not made my life easy. I used to be a Business major and an excellent portrait sketcher, I had made quite a bit of extra money that way. Of course that meant that I’d focus on Physics in school and take Home Ec instead of Art. No sports, no teams. At least that left me off the hook from being a cheerleader! Being bright was acceptable. At least Dour didn’t force me to be a bimbo! To be honest the “no team” combined with being excused from PE was a relief, even if my various “attachments” were top of the line.

To bad I couldn’t say the same about the Gordons, my “foster parents”. Well, to be honest I wasn’t what they had been led to expect. They had expected a girl. An XX girl that is, or to be more specific an XXX girl. In their eyes I was many, many steps below that. Oh, we came to an understanding. I had my room, their signatures as guardians whenever necessary, the use of a bathroom and the kitchen when they weren’t there. The less I was seen, the better.

The use of the kitchen probably would come in handy after I learnt something in Home Ec. The kitchen probably could provide lots of lemons as well. I certainly had to make lots of lemonade.

With that in mind I started humming an old musical song about bravely and cheerfully meeting fear and adversity. Once I got into the building things started to look up a bit. First of all the interior had been improved by successive generations of students. Second I realized that I was just one of many new students and thus could hide in the crowd. No one shouted; “She’s a boy!”. No bullies homed in on me. Actually, I mostly came across friendly people.

I survived the first day. I survived the first week. After that I settled in. I made friends. Both girls and boys which caused some comments. Apparently girls weren’t supposed to befriend boys. Hey, with my Science oriented classes there weren’t that many girls in my classes. And to be honest I still felt more comfortable with boys. And most boys in those classes weren’t exactly looking for girlfriends. I did make some girl friends in Home Ec. However, my closest friend was Angus. We shared many classes, including Home Ec. Angus was a BIG boy so many thought it was unwise of him to be that close to food. At least Angus wasn’t short. At 6’ the 250 lbs. didn’t look that ridiculous on him. All bones and fat, very little muscles. Angus explained that he took Home Ec in order to learn to eat healthy. He really was a sad case. He was mercilessly bullied. As a result he had very little self-esteem. Guess how he handled that?

Freshman year proceeded without any real drama. I was a mousy swot wearing skirts but not making any attempt to be fashionable. I had used to be the center of attention at college so this grated on me but with Dour always there in the background threatening me I was a good girl. Perhaps not a happy girl but a cheerful one. Fortunately the given reason for not participating in PE didn’t stop me from exercising. A significant part of my free time was spent on my body. I liked to jog. Angus noted that and asked if he could join me. All right, the idea was completely ridiculous but I held him to it. Every morning, without fail, he waited outside his house in his jogging outfit. At first he only followed me for the first 1/16th of a mile but by the time snow stopped us jogging he kept up an entire half-mile! The upside of that was that when I got back he had prepared a delicious, and healthy, breakfast for us. As things turned out Angus was a really smart guy. And funny once he let his defenses down. I started to appreciate him more and more. With my support he began to realize that himself as well. He became more confident. Which meant he ate less. After Christmas he was closing down on 230 lbs. Overall it was a completely now boy the spring term. He had made several new friends and had a girlfriend – me. I admit I fell in love with the big guy. It felt so good to be cuddled by him and just sink deep into him. And Angus was so sweet to me.

Strangely enough, we both gained in social status as a result. Angus made life in the backwater bearable. And when I stopped resenting the small town, sorry, city, it wasn’t that bad. All right, I admit I liked the people. Since I had adopted a cheerful attitude and decided to look on the bright side of life I got so much back as well. I engaged myself in unobtrusive ways. Helped people when I could. That was another way of getting satisfaction from what I was used to.

Then something happened. One day an excited Quarter Back ran around waving a newspaper.
“They caught one of the Football Massacre killers.”
A non-football-playing student: “What is the Football Massacre?”
“Don’t you remember? Last year they killed an entire college team, every single member! And now they’ve got one of them. Look, here’s a picture of him.”

Looking over the shoulder I immediately recognized “Bert” as I had named him in my mind. My sketch had been spot on. I felt good that I had been instrumental in catching him. Oh, I was dead and buried even if I had managed to hide in an impossibly small locker.

I can’t say my funeral had been a moving event with a big crowd. For one thing I wasn’t at my own funeral. I did see the footage afterwards though. I had thought I had many friends. As it turned out they were acquaintances that preferred to stay away from a potentially dangerous event. My only real friends were the kids in the graves next to mine. There had been one mourner at my grave. ONE! Not someone I had expected at that. Dry, acerbic Professor Schlumberger that had kept pressuring me in class was the only one. When I saw the footage I finally, and too late, realized that that was his way of making me perform better and learn more. I was worth his efforts. To be honest that made me feel a little bit better.

Well, with “Bert” caught it would only be a matter of time before the got “Adam” and “Charlie” as well. I felt relieved. I also started to live a little bit more. Being the mousy girl had been an effort for someone as extrovert as I. Oh, I still avoided being in any pictures. What I did was to get involved in school politics. Agent Dour hadn’t explicitly forbidden that before but let’s say he had discouraged it. Hopeless High had a tradition to elect class presidents late in the year before so I shot for sophomore class president. I had a nice campaign going. Angus was incredibly inventive and active. He was now almost down to 200lbs. and jogged an entire mile. I slipped once and failed to completely duck one camera. They got a partially covered picture of my side from a back angle. No sweat!

The day of the final debate. I crushed my opponent. I was basking in the applause from the auditorium. The actual vote was just a formality. Then from the wings enter “Adam”, carrying a gun, and “Charlie”, carrying an UZI. I recognized them immediately even if they were heavily disguised. I told you I was a Business and now Physics guy, didn’t I? I was NOT a computer science guy which is why I hadn’t realized the danger I was in now when AI can monitor absolutely everything on the net.

“Everybody remain seated and don’t move. We have just one little thing to do. We’ll leave as soon as that is done and nobody else needs to get hurt.”

People were smart.

Adam and Charlie approached me. I stood there frozen. Then there was a roar from the other side of the stage and Angus charged. That distracted them. Since I had nothing to lose I tackled Charlie. Sure, I’m small but I know how to tackle efficiently. That made Adam switch back his attention to me. Angus, running as he had never done before in his life, in a straight line, managed to build up an amazing speed. With m*v that meant a LOT of momentum when he hit Adam.

Too bad Adam’s gun hand was pushed towards me in the process. The barrel actually poked me when the gun went off. Not good. Not . good . . at

SUSAN’S FUNERAL, SPECIAL AGENT “DOUR”

I can’t help feeling sad for attending this young woman’s funeral as her “next of kin”. The Gordons had left Hopeless even before Susan was declared dead. At least there are many genuine mourners present THIS time. The young woman who I had come to admire so much had made a much bigger impact on Hopeless than she’d ever known. Yes, Susan was definitely a girl at the end. A very nice girl. Not the obnoxious boy I first met. It was only when he called me Agent Dour for the first time that I started to suspect that there was something more to him. Something that eventually blossomed into Susan. Of course he got that wrong. He should have called me SPECIAL agent Dour. Well, nobody’s perfect. I’ll miss Susan. At least she landed us “Adam” and “Charlie”. And through them we have started to wind up a much bigger organization. Yes, we – I – owe her so much.

I look over at Angus. “Bull” as he is known in Hopeless now. What he did was so brave, so stupid and so near to succeed. I hope that he can come up from his grief and take advantage of what Susan started and his own bravery topped up. I have to make sure that we help him. The Bureau has got the best therapists on call. I’ll pull some strings. That brave and kind boy deserves that we do what we can for him. And not only for Susan’s sake.

ON A DISTANT HILL WITH A CLEAR VIEW TO THE HOPELESS CEMETERY

I’d be damned if I miss ANOTHER of my funerals. I wanted to see this live. True, I couldn’t be there but at least I can watch with the powerful binoculars special agent Dour provided. Oh, I always called him “agent” Dour to rile him but I was always aware that he was “my” very special agent. Very much “my” the way he took care of me. He cared for me, not the “object”. When I look at him now I see him look at Angus and I notice a tiny softening of his features. Since I’ve learnt to know him, I know how much that means. I can be sure that he will take care of Angus. One concern less.

Too bad I’ll never meet him again. The problem is “David”, the apparently very high placed criminal that for some reason was there in person at the massacre to manage Adam, Bert and Charlie. I never saw him but I heard him and he knows I heard him. Let him think I died THIS time. I nearly did. And the disguised ambulance will whisk me away as soon the cermony is over. This opportunity is another, last, thing I owe special agent Dour. Well, last if a word I glanced on a “carelessly” placed paper doesn’t count: Whanganui

Of course I’m not allowed anywhere near internet but I still know that Whanganui is a town in New Zealand MUCH bigger than the city of Hopeless, MT. pop 6,418 (after recent deaths, births etc). I think I’ll like to be a Kiwi. A flightless bird with brown hairy feathers. I’ll definitely remain a bird. I felt so much more comfortable being a girl. A smallish bird with brown hairy feathers rather than the peacock I used to be. Substance before surface. I only hope I will find a male Kiwi that I can keep this time.