It’s a curious thing; the human heart is a very small place, yet it can be so big it can contain the whole universe.
~ Sage Taylor (Age 16)

Foreword

Sage Taylor
Creative Writing 101

PS & BTW, Mrs. Collins, I am using first person limited for most of this memoir, but since I have heard “Sage Stories” from my parents, over and over again, and have kept a journal, I have a number of perspectives that one wouldn’t normally have were this a strictly first person project of fiction. My life is one of the integration of many perspectives and I hope you allow me the leeway. I know when I’m doing it (I promise!), and don’t be surprised to see not only third-person-omniscient, but first-person-omniscient, that rarest of birds. I am also using a mixture of childish idiom and more adult phraseology. See? I have been listening to you! ;-) Anyway, remember how you told us about the novelization of real life events? Like Truman Capote did with “In Cold Blood?” [1] That’s what I’m trying to do here. I hope it’s okay. ~ ST

Rhapsody: The Soundtrack of My Life
Volume One: A Butterfly in a Box
By Sage Taylor

It is a very good world, and a world that has been made by a very good person.

~ C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

Every year, all throughout the football season, my father takes the three of us for three-day weekends to follow the Denver Broncos all around the country for their road games. I think it’s like eight or nine games and maybe more if they go to the playoffs. It’s been really neat seeing all these other places. I’ve learned some football by osmosis, and find it exciting when the Broncos win, but I generally people watch or marvel at the cheerleaders and indulge in some local stadium food. I’ve gotten to like stadium food.

But it’s the day trips that are the coolest. While dad would just as soon sit in the hotel and watch football and drink beer the whole time, mom insists that we travel around and visit the sights. This year is our first time (well, it’s my first time, anyway) to Arizona and it happens to be just the second game of the year, so it’s pretty danged hot still.

We went to the Grand Canyon our first day and from what I could see it was pretty neat. I wouldn’t go near the edge, but there was this long glass walkway thingy that goes way out over the edge of the canyon and my dad insisted I go out on it. I screamed and tried to pull away, but he grabbed me and carried me out onto the thing. I kept my eyes closed and cried most of the time, but as Daddy had such a tight hold on me, I finally relaxed a little and tentatively opened my eyes. I closed them real quick when I saw the awesome vista, but the vision had intrigued me and I opened my eyes a crack to take in the view a bit more.

Wow! My heart felt like it was exploding it was such an amazing sight. I still didn’t want to go to the edge or let go of Daddy, but I’m glad he made me see it.

The vast expanse of the Grand Canyon stretched before us, a breathtaking tapestry of oranges, purples, and deep reds as the sun began its descent. I snuggled closer into Daddy’s arms, my small hands clasped around his neck. From this vantage point, the world felt immense (it made me feel really small), and totally magical. It was as if we were standing at the edge of the world, a crack in the universe so wide you could see all the way to its fiery heart. I felt a thrilling shiver run through me, and I whispered into his neck, "It's like the Wardrobe, isn't it, Daddy? Like we're standing at the door to another place. The magic place."

“It is, Sweet pea. Very, very magical.” Daddy whispered back, giving me a little squeeze.

"It's so big, Daddy," I whispered, my voice a tiny sound against the backdrop of the silent, ancient landscape. My long blonde hair, backlit by the setting sun, cascaded over his shoulder.

He tightened his embrace, resting his chin on my head. "It sure is, sweet pea. And it's been here for millions and millions of years."

I tilted my head back slightly, my gaze still fixed on the distant cliffs. "Millions is a lot, right? Will we be here for millions of years too?"

A gentle chuckle rumbled in his chest. "Not quite, my love. But moments like this? We'll remember them forever." I think, in that moment, he was glad he hadn’t stayed in the hotel room sprawled in front of the TV. He inhaled the scent of my hair, what must have been a mix of sunshine and baby shampoo, and sighed. The silence was broken only by the soft whisper of the wind, carrying with it the secrets of ages past.

“Your daughter is adorable.” A woman passing us said. I startled and tensed up as my father did also. He hated when people said that, even though I think even he forgets that I’m a boy sometimes. I’m not really a boy, though, am I? It’s just I have that thing between my legs that I know isn’t supposed to be there. Daddy thinks that I should be a boy because of it, but that doesn’t make a bit of sense to me.

“I think it’s time we got you a haircut.” Dad said, as we made our way back to the parking lot.

I screamed, “Nooo!” and tried to pull away.

“Oh, stop it, Michael, and leave her alone! Her hair’s fine.” Mom said.

“See? Even you forget he’s a boy! Don’t you think that’s a problem?” Dad pointed out. He seemed calm somehow. Even rational.

“No, I don’t. He’s a sweet, quiet, and helpful boy and I don’t see why you want to ruin him with your old-fashioned, Neanderthal ideas.”

“Neanderthal? You think I’m a Neanderthal?” Dad barked, sliding into the drivers’ seat of our rented Escalade.

“I didn’t say that, did I?” Mom retorted.

“Well, you implied it.”

“Okay then, yes, sometimes you are a bit brutish, or at least thoughtless. Did you help us into the car? No. You just went on your side and plopped down, letting us struggle along. This vehicle is monstrous, you know?” Mom puffed as she finally made her way into her seat after helping me up into the back seat.

“Oh.” Was all he said. Then a moment later, “Well, I’m sorry, but it wouldn’t hurt for him to act more boy, would it?”

“See? You said it yourself, it would be an act. Why should he pretend to be something he’s not?” Mom said, sounding utterly reasonable to me. Dad put the car into gear and we began slithering our way out of the park. Mom continued to look out the windshield as she began to speak again. “You know, Miss Davies says Sage lines up with the girls when they go out for recess or lunch. Always. And she always has to pull him out to line up with the boys. Apparently he doesn’t make a lot of fuss, but I guess he’s expressed his displeasure.”

“Miss Davies?” Dad asked, risking a glance over at mom.

Mom rolled her eyes. “His teacher. Kindergarten. You do know Sage started school two weeks ago, right?”

“Of course I know that!” Dad splurted, then paused, looking sheepish. “No, I didn’t know.”

“Yeah.” Mom sighed, exasperated. “You know, it wouldn’t kill you to take more of an interest in these things.”

“Are you saying it’s my fault?” Dad said, his face getting a little red.

“What’s your fault?”

“That he’s a sissy!” Dad hissed.

“Of course I’m not saying that. And he’s not a sissy. But it wouldn’t hurt for you to be more involved.” Mom implored.

I love my Daddy, but I think I love my mommy more. Is that wrong? I want to be just like her, she’s so pretty and smart. And kind and gentle. Daddy can be scary sometimes, but he would never hurt me, I know that. He’s nice most of the time, but his voice is deep and can be scary if he’s mad. I’m glad that doesn’t happen very often. I try to be good, so I don’t have to hear that mean voice.

We pulled into a restaurant near our hotel as the sun was just setting. Pretty clouds were floating above the stadium, all orange and gold and glowing. It was almost as pretty as where we live in Colorado. We live in Boulder, which is a very cool place to live. And we are close enough to Denver that we have access to tons of neat things to do whenever we want. They took me to The Lion King musical a couple weeks ago. It was awesome!

We were walking from the car and I was swinging my arms between them. I giggled and mom and dad both turned to me and said “what’s so funny?” at the same time. That brought more giggles.

“The stadium looks like a UFO!” I giggled some more.
“Oh, I guess it does, at that!” Mom agreed.

“Do you think it’s full of aliens, Daddy?” I asked in total seriousness.

“Oh, I doubt that very much sweetheart. Probably just football players and janitors.” Dad explained.

“Oh Michael, you can be so pedantic sometimes!” Mom rolled her eyes.

“What’s pedantic?” I asked Daddy, but he looked over to mom, so I adjusted my gaze.
Mom began, “It’s being overly precise; nitpicky.”

“Well, no sense having him believe in UFOs and aliens. Next, he’ll believe in psychics and homeopathy.” Dad iterated earnestly.

“My god, you are so Earth-based, Michael. Have I taught you nothing the last ten years?” Mom’s voice rose.

“Well, you haven’t proven me wrong yet. Until then…” He opened the door for us. “Milady.” I giggled at that. It was kinda like Beauty and the Beast.

“I see you are trainable! At last!” Mom smiled and lifted me up into her arms.

A guy standing behind a tall desk thingy spoke, “Good evening sir, ladies.” and smiled even though dad gave mom a look that could kill. “Three tonight?”

Mom glanced around. “A sports bar? Seriously, Michael?”

The man spoke. “I’ll have you know, madam, that the Yard House is more than a sports bar. It’s an occasion. We have a passion for great draft beer, great food and great music. You'll find the world’s largest selection of draft beer along with a delightfully inspired mouth-watering menu. It’s why we’re America’s favorite gathering place. Plus, for the next month, it’s Oktoberfest here at the Yard Haus.” He said that last bit like it was a different language or something.

“Well, that was quite the spiel!” Mom laughed, causing the man to smile. “Gut, ich denke, wir können es versuchen.” The man just stared at mom, causing her to laugh. “Sorry, just messin’ with ya! Lead the way!”

I got a yummy giant soft pretzel and a lemonade while we waited to order. I hoped I would be able to eat the dinner now. I learned last year in San Francisco to try different local foods. We were on Fisherman’s Wharf and I ordered spaghetti! When I tasted mom’s lobster I started crying, it was so good. I would never make the same mistake again.

The evening had turned muggy, so we decided not to sit outside. Dad insisted on a table where he could watch the Boise State football game. Mom rolled her eyes, “You just like them because they’re called the Broncos.” Dad just grinned.

“I like them because their field is blue instead of green, look!” I squealed.

“Well, at least the kid likes blue,” dad muttered.

“‘Course, it would be way better if it was pink!” I teased. Dad groaned and I giggled. I knew he had silly buttons I could push about girl things. He doesn’t like them, I guess cos he’s a boy, well, a man, I suppose.

I guess the only thing really Arizona on the menu was something called a Sonora hot dog. It had bacon wrapped around it and looked really good. But, instead of ketchup, they use jalapeno mayo and salsa. It was super spicy, but really good! I’ll have to get another before we go home. While we were eating, a huge storm blew through, something the lady at the table next to us called a monsoon. If that means super huge and windy thunderstorm, that’s what it was alright! But it only lasted like ten minutes and good thing, too, since we didn’t have umbrellas.

That lady at the next table? She had a daughter named Kellie and we spent a lot of time together while we were waiting for our food, coloring and giggling and talking about stuff. Kellie’s daddy asked early on, “What’s your name, sweetie? You and Kellie could be twins!”

Well, Kellie was really pretty so I blushed at the compliment. “I’m Sage, and that’s my Mommy and Daddy.” I turned to point at mom and dad. Dad’s head was in his hands.

The lady said, “Well, you’re certainly a pretty little thing and you made our evening, playing with Kellie and keeping her out of our hair.” She smiled and palmed my cheek.

“Can Sage come home with us?” Kellie asked.

I thought that would be fun, but mom butted in real quick, saying, “Sorry sweetie, but Sage doesn’t live around here. We’re from Colorado.” And off mom and the lady went, talking about Colorado and Boulder and Denver and who knows what else.

We all left the restaurant together, Kellie and I holding hands and maneuvering around the puddles left by the storm. A car went zooming by and I screamed and fell over right into a deep puddle. Kellie barely got splashed, somehow, but I was a total disaster. I even had mud on my face. After the shock, I started crying and ran to Mommy. “Oh, Sage!” She cried.

“I didn’t mean to, Mommy!” I sobbed.

“Oh, I know dear, come here.” She wiped off my face with a Kleenex, then picked me up and carried me towards the car, moms and dads chattering the whole time about ‘idiot drivers’ and stuff.

Kellie’s car, another whopper like our rental, was only two cars away from ours, so Kellie’s mom offered, “We’ve got extra clothes in the back. You always have to be prepared when you have a six-year-old you know.”

“Don’t I know it,” Mom replied. “We didn’t think when we left the hotel earlier.”

Mrs. Kellie rummaged in the back of her car. “Here you go. You can keep it. She’s outgrown it, that’s why we use it as emergency gear.”

Omigosh, it was so pretty! Dad blurted, “It’s a dress, for god’s sake!” And mom snapped her head toward him and the other parents just looked confused.

Then Kellie’s mom said, “Oh, no, it’s just a romper. See? Shorts. Kellie doesn’t often wear dresses either, otherwise she’d be showing her panties to the world every five minutes.” They all laughed and Kellie just turned red and crept behind her daddy.

Dad whispered to mom, “Well, it looks like a dress to me. No fuh…”

I whined, interrupting dad’s potential cussword, “Can I? I love it! Please?”

Mom gave dad a look and he growled, it sounded kinda funny, “Oh, alright, fine, thank you. Here, let me pay you for it.” He began to pull out his wallet.
“Nonsense. Just take it. I told you, she’s outgrown it. Sage will look darling in it; Kellie did, and they’re practically twins. Well, Sage is smaller…” Kellie’s mom said.

“Yay! Thank you miss! I love it” I cried and gave her a big hug around her legs.

“You’re welcome, sweetie. Wear it in good health. Sorry, but we have to run. Ballet class for Kellie tonight.”

I looked to dad with wide eyes and he grimaced and shook his head. “But, can I do ballet when we get home?” I sort of whined.

Dad didn’t say anything, he just looked at mom with a scowl. The grown-ups all said their goodbyes and Kellie and I bid each other a tearful farewell. I wish we were neighbors, she would probably be my BFF. I hid behind one of the car doors and slipped into the pretty romper. I just loved it! I was still sad and sniffling over Kellie as we started off toward the hotel, me playing with the hem of the shorts that really did look like a skirt.

“Do you even know what ballet is?” Dad asked, looking at me seated in mom’s lap.

“Of course, Daddy! Music and dancing and pretty tights and too-toos, and pretty slippers and stuff!” I lifted my hands above my head in a graceful pose, lifting my face to the sky.

“Pretty slippers! Good lord!” Dad gasped.

“Oh, settle down. Boys do ballet, too. Ever hear of Baryshnikov?” Mom tried. “So, your son is different. You can knock off the Neanderthal crap and just accept it.”

“Why should I?”

“Fine. If you want to make everyone’s life a misery because of your outdated notions, that’s your affair. Just don’t expect me to play along with it. Life’s too short!” Mom huffed and turned to face her side window.

“Jesus!” Dad seethed. “Why does he have to be different? All I ever wanted was a normal, quiet life. Normal!” Mom didn’t respond; she just glanced at him and looked away. The only time they ever seem to have words is when it’s about me. What have I done? Like I said, I try to be good. I try really hard!

“Hurry up and get that thing off.” Dad said as we entered our room. Mom gave dad another look. “Um, I just mean you need to get into your pajamas.”

“Michael, Sage is a mess.” I gave mom a look, trying not to cry. “No, I mean, she’s been in a mud puddle. He, I mean, he’s been in a mud puddle.” Mom turned to me, “Sweetie, go get undressed and I’ll shower with you. There’s no tub here, sorry.”

“Okay mommy!” I liked showering with Mommy, even though I see how different our down-below stuff is. Hers is so pretty, but I have this stuff hanging there between my legs. I can’t wait until all that stuff falls off! Gross! When we were in the shower together, I asked her, “Mommy, when is this gonna fall off?” I grabbed the bit of flesh. “I don’t like it. I wanna look like you.”

She looked at me sadly. “Sorry sweetie, but you’re a boy. I’m afraid you’re stuck with it. And it’s called a penis, by the way.”

“Oh. BTW. What’s yours called?” I asked.

She showed me, “This is called a vagina.”

“Oh,” I said. I really wanted what she had. “But, you know I’m not a boy right? This doesn’t seem right. I don’t get it.”

Mom hesitated, then finally said, “Well, I admit, you’re not really much of a boy, but I’m not really sure…” She paused. “Tell you what, we’ll get in our jammies, you can wear your Barbie sleep shirt, and we’ll rent a movie and order some snacks. How does that sound?” Well, that distracted me good and proper like.

“Yay!” I raised my arms over my head, but quickly lowered them and covered what I now knew to be my penis, and it wasn’t going anywhere any time soon. I turned red and turned away from mom, tears threatening. When mom squatted and hugged me, the dam burst and I wailed.

“What’s going on in there?” Dad bellowed through the door.

“Just girl problems!” Mom shouted back, looking at me with a big grin that gave me the giggles.

I heard dad mutter on the other side of the door and mom and I just giggled together. What’s better than giggling with your mom? Ooh, movie and snacks! That’ll be right up there on the countdown, I’m sure!

I put on my Barbie sleep shirt, endured dad’s scowl at mom, and crawled into bed. Dad threw an orange football at me and I screamed, expecting an imminent broken nose. But it was soft and squishy. “What is this?” I asked, nonplussed.

“Good lord!” Dad exasperated. “That’s a football, what else?”

“I know, but it’s all soft and squishy, like a plushie.” I gave it a hug and cuddled down with it. I prefer stuffed animals, but, for a boy thing this wasn’t too bad.

“Here, toss it over Sport!” Dad said, holding his arms out.

“Why? I thought you gave it to me.” Then I thought better of it. I like my girl ones better, so I gently handed him the ball. “Here you go, Daddy. It’s pretty cool for a football I guess. The color is pretty and it’s really soft.”

Dad rolled his eyes and sighed, putting the ball back into his suitcase. “Maybe our next one will be a boy.” He muttered.

“Spare me!” Mom smiled and shook her head. Mom and dad took up positions on either side of me on the massive bed. We ordered the movie Inside Out and a bucket of popcorn and diet sodas. There were other bags of snacks, but I stuck with the popcorn. It tasted just like at the theater! We had missed the movie when it was at the theaters and it turned out to be sooo good! Even dad had finally put down his phone and begun watching. I think he may have even laughed once or twice.

My daddy seemed calmer and he smelled nice, so I snuggled up into him. He put his arm around me and squeezed and I could sense out of the corner of my eye that he and mom gave each other a look. I think they’ve signed a truce, at least for the evening.