“Hey Steph!” The unmistakable Scottish twang of The Angels’ newest member calls to me as I take a glass of complementary champagne from the refreshments table. “I hoped I’d meet you here today!”

“Oh — hey Dina!” I reply with an excited giggle, which is thanks in no small part to the clingy asymmetric black dress the model is wearing. “I LOVE that dress, is it bespoke or a label?”

“Label,” Dina replies with a grin. “I’ll text you a link when I get home, it’d go AMAZING with those boots, hehe!” Just what I was thinking, I muse as I playfully show off the black leather boots I have clinging to every part of my legs below the knees.

“I’ve got to keep up appearances,” I reply, before turning my attention to the stage that’s been set up in the large (but, thanks to Covid, sparse) conference hall. “Even though I don’t want to show up today’s star. Not that I’d dare, of course, even if she wasn’t the love of my life…” I sigh happily as my gaze passes over the petite blonde woman on the stage, even if her face is currently turned away from me — not that that matters, considering the fact that images of her face are plastered all over the hall.

…Or rather, images of her face are plastered all over the cover of her debut solo album, and images of THAT are plastered all over the hall.

For the past few weeks, Kayla has been a bundle of nervous energy as she’s counted down to today, which is understandable- releasing an album has been her lifelong dream, after all. Never mind the fact that as part of Out of Heaven, we’ve released four albums….

Nonetheless, I’ve played the part of the dutiful girlfriend as Kayla has embarked on her (mostly) virtual publicity tour, sitting by the side as she’s conducted interviews and promotional spots and even performed some songs over Zoom. Kayla has been considerably more excited for the release of this album than she has any of the band’s previous albums, and while that makes sense from a professional standpoint — she has to carry the weight of promoting this album by herself, rather than sharing it with the rest of us — there are some days it’s all she can talk about even when not on camera. Not that I can blame her, of course, but it still drives home the fact that I’m no closer to releasing my own solo album or even progressing my career in any other way.

That’s not to say that the agency hasn’t left me on a shelf to gather dust, or paid me to sit at home playing videogames, even if my revenue from Twitch has grown substantially over the last twelve months. With the recent departures from the Angels, and those that have remained being busy with a reality show to crown their replacements, I’ve picked up a lot of slack in terms of promotional work, though with the show over and there being not one, but two new Angels, that income stream has suddenly turned into a trickle at best. Meanwhile, I’m stuck banging my head against a brick wall as I try to think of songs to add to the measly five I currently have for my album — two of which are covers.

The one consolation I have is that I at least have a reason for my lack of progress in my career. Even though it’s been over twelve months since my run-in with Covid, its effects still linger, and my doctors have begun to treat me for fibromyalgia. Most of this treatment involves rest and exercise to try to regain my strength, but this leaves little time for things like rehearsing songs, recording songs or just singing in general. My doctors say that I’m certainly not going to be strong enough to promote an album the way Kayla is for at least the next twelve months, which in a way is a relief, but they also say I’m not going to be strong enough for SRS for the next twelve months either.

In a way, this is also a relief- if SRS is off the table for medical reasons, I don’t have to make a decision about it and I don’t even have to think about it if I don’t want to. However, even this causes stress, as it doesn’t solve the problem, it just delays it until a later date. All of this means that it’ll always be there in the back of my mind, like it is right now as I talk to Dina — who hasn’t even started HRT yet but is still certain that she wants SRS as soon as possible.

“As cute as this dress is,” Dina says as she stealthily pulls up the waistband of her thong, “it’s not very ‘practical’ for — well, girls like us, I suppose, heh.”

“Oh — definitely,” I reply. “Some of these designer ones, you really have to be careful about what you wear underneath.”

“Especially when for girls like us, ‘nothing underneath’ really isn’t an option,” Dina says as we share a chuckle and I wonder whether or not to share the fact that under my thong, I’m wearing the latex ‘prosthetic’ that has become increasingly like a second skin to me nowadays.

“That’s definitely true,” I chuckle, before smiling as the Scottish Angel heads back toward the refreshment table while I spot a pair of familiar (albeit masked) faces a few feet away.

“Hey Steph!” Becca says, both she and Adeola squeaking with excitement as I approach.

“Virtual hugs and kisses!” I giggle girlishly as I wave my hands in what has become almost a 'secret handshake' for the four of us. Well, three of us right now, I suppose.

“Virtual hugs and kisses!” My other two bandmates echo, all of us giggling as the two of them also wave.

“Even with social distancing, this is a great turnout today,” Adeola says as we look around at the steadily filling hall. “Kayla must be pumped, I mean, the first of us to be releasing a solo album?”

“She’s been bouncing off the walls for weeks,” I reply, smiling as my bandmates both giggle. “And deservedly so, I mean, the preview single from the album getting to number 2 in the charts? That’s not bad going whoever you are!”

“It’s amazing,” Becca gushes. “I’ve heard it’s also charted all over Europe, Australia, it’s even got airtime in the States, and we all know how hard it is to crack THAT market.”

“I know it make me think, like, ‘what have I done with my career?’ ” Adeola chuckles.

“You mean other than being a coach on the latest season of Voice Kids?” I ask, sharing another giggle with my friends. “And when’s your album of piano music out, Becca?”

“In time for Christmas,” the brown-haired woman replies with an obviously (and deservedly) proud grin. “Everyone’s favourite stocking filler for Granny, heh.”

“You make music, you make money, you can’t complain,” I say, earning chuckles from my friends that eventually lead to an awkward silence as neither of them know how to ask me about my solo projects, largely because they’re both well aware of my chronic lack of progress.

“Anyway,” Becca says. “Even though we can’t tour right now, has Kayla said anything to you about plans after the pandemic is over?”

“Nothing concrete,” I reply. “She’s definitely planning on touring the country, probably Europe too so we could be away a while, heh.”

“So album number five for us is gonna be waiting a while too,” Adeola sighs. “It — it’s no biggie, I suppose. We’ve got — well, we’re getting royalties galore from streaming, right?”

“I know my bank balance is looking REALLY healthy,” Becca replies with a grin, both women pointedly not looking in my direction, clearly out of fear they’ve touched upon a sensitive topic for me.

“Mine too,” I say to the obvious relief of my friends. “Hence why I could afford these!” I giggle as I show off my footwear to my bandmates, which quickly gets the desired reaction.

“I was about to say, Steffiboots!” Adeola teases. “I didn’t think I’d seen them before, were they expensive?”

“Worth every penny,” I reply with a sly wink.

“As were the other, what twenty pairs you own?” Becca asks with a sly grin of her own.

“And the rest!” Adeola teases as we share another giggle. “How much money did you make from promoting boots over lockdown?”

“Not as much as I’m hoping to make now that we can actually wear these things outside!” I reply. “Pity I won’t be wearing them on a stage anytime soon….”

“Well, maybe if you support Kayla on her tour, you could?” Becca suggests. “I mean, okay, I get that you might not want to be relegated to opening act, but there’s no way Kayla would pick anyone else, is there?”

“We — we’ve actually walked about this,” I reply, biting my lip and trying not to sound awkward. “And I’d love to do it, and she’d love me to do it, but I — yeah. Still not sure my, like, lungs will be up to the task by then, even if I only sing one or two songs to open. I’m surprised she hasn’t asked either of you two to do it?”

“We — we have actually talked about it,” Becca replies, fidgeting awkwardly. “We both kinda agreed that — like, that we — Addie and me — we’d both be too busy with, well, our own projects.”

“…Understandable, I guess,” I say with a shrug, even as I wonder when and how Kayla asked them without me knowing — not to mention why she didn’t tell me. “And I do plan on being better for the jubilee concert next year. Even if you have to carry me on and off stage, I am NOT missing that!”

“You’d better, given that there’s no way we’re doing it without you!” Adeola says, earning another giggle from the three of us, but before any of us can say anything further, we’re interrupted by loud music coming from the stage, which I immediately recognise as the lead track on my girlfriend’s album.

“Ooh, looks like it’s show time…” Becca says excitedly as everyone present approaches the stage, making sure to keep a socially distanced gap from each other, of course.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Charlotte Hartley — today’s emcee, apparently — announces. “Six years ago, the country — the world, even — watched with awe as five young women came together to form a brand-new girl band, who quickly captured the hearts, not to mention ears, of anyone who happened to listen to them. At the time, the youngest member of the group was just seventeen, but anyone who laid their eyes — and especially ears — on her knew that she was going to take the world by storm. And, well, she has! Please give it up for the girl who needs no introduction, the one and only Miss Kayla Ford!” The assembled crowd goes wild — no one more than myself — as the petite blonde singer confidently strides onto stage and exchanges an elbow bump with Charlotte before sitting down in the chairs that have been set up on the stage — though the setup immediately prompts a question from my bandmates.

“Who’s that chair next to Kayla for?” Adeola asks.

“Were you meant to be up there too?” Becca asks, clearly as confused as her best friend, not to mention me.

“No, I — I’m sure I’d have been told if I was,” I say, only half-listening as Charlotte interviews Kayla about the album.

About five minutes into the interview, though, all of our questions are answered when Charlotte changes the topic from the album to a different topic — a topic Kayla and I have previously not just discussed, but argued about.

“All of the tracks on the standard edition of the album are solo tracks,” Charlotte states, continuing as Kayla nods. “However, you have also recorded some duets recently, I believe?” What? I think to myself, shocked as the interview suddenly receives my undivided attention.

“I have,” Kayla confirms with an excited grin as I rack my brains trying to think when she recorded the duets, or even how. Sure, Kayla’s room has soundproofing to make it easier for her to record songs from home, but she didn’t even so much as hint to me that she was recording a duet. “It’s a project that only came about recently, but when the opportunity came up, I knew I had to grab it with both hands.”

“I’m sure we’re all dying to meet your singing partner for this song,” Charlotte says with an excited giggle. You said it, sister…. “Shall we bring her out?” The crowd — me included, in truth — all watch with eager anticipation as Kayla nods and squeaks excitedly while I try to figure out who she could have collaborated with. She’s always been a big fan of singers like Dido, Sheryl Crow and — despite our recent argument — Alanis Morissette, and global lockdowns have affected their ability to perform lives just as much as it has us, so while they’re undoubtedly busy with their own projects, they’d easily be able to find time to work with Kayla on hers.

The actual answer, though, was the last person I’d have ever expected.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Charlotte says with an excited giggle, “please give a warm welcome — or rather, welcome back — to Miss Lauren McTavish!” My jaw drops — and a quick glance to my left reveals that Becca’s and Adeola’s jaws do as well - as our former bandmate strolls onto stage with an excited grin on her face and exchanges an elbow bump with Kayla before sitting down next to her.

“Wh- what?” Becca asks amidst all the commotion that’s been generated by the announcement.

“Are you — are you kidding me?” Adeola asks, and it’s not an unreasonable question. Lauren had barely been with the band eighteen months before she ditched us without even saying goodbye, jumping over to Spencer & Hall’s rival supergroup ‘Constellation.’ While that group ultimately disbanded, and Lauren has been on friendly enough terms with us to even sing at my birthday party last year, none of us had even considered the idea of working with her professionally again. None of us except for Kayla, apparently.

“Well, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Charlotte asks the newcomer, who giggles excitedly before responding.

“Aye, it’s been a few years,” Lauren replies in her thick Highland accent. “But I am SO pumped to be back, hehe!”

“Whose idea was it to team up?” Charlotte asks. Good question, I think to myself as I try to resist the urge to rush the stage and ask my own questions about just what the hell is going on.

“It — it just sort-of happened, really,” Kayla replies, pointedly not looking in my direction. “We got talking online during lockdown, I mentioned I was making an album, Lauren said she was between projects and I thought ‘why not?’ ” I try not to react as my girlfriend glances furtively in my direction, stealthily biting her lip before continuing. “I- I didn’t want there to be any duets on the album itself. I wanted it — kinda selfishly, I suppose — to be literally just my project, but I knew that if I did a second album, I’d want to include other artists.”

“Our duet came together really quickly, actually,” Lauren says. “It was a song I wrote that I was going to put on my next album, but then Covid happened, then Constellation sort-of ‘un-happened,’ then — yeah. I was looking for a good reason to record it, then Kayla messaged me out of the blue one day — ” Okay, THAT raises questions… “ — and we got talking, and — yeah.”

“The track will only be available on the digital deluxe version of the album, but will also be released as a single, is that right?” Charlotte asks.

“That’s right,” Kayla replies with a grin. “It should be available to stream and to buy from most digital outlets by the end of this livestream.”

“So cool,” Charlotte enthuses. “Will we be seeing more collaboration between the two of you in the future?”

“Hopefully,” Lauren replies. “Working on this single has reminded me how much fun it was to work with Kayla originally — ” and all of us, presumably — “and I really hope we get the opportunity to do this again soon.”

“Well, having heard the single already, I think I speak for everyone when I say that we do too!” Charlotte giggles as my mind spins even faster. She’s heard the single already, but I haven’t? “And I think there’s only one real way we can end this interview, isn’t there?” The three women on the stage squeak excitedly as Charlotte sits back, while my girlfriend and former bandmate step up to a pair of microphones that have been set up on the stage. As the backing music starts, I quickly realise that I have actually heard this song before, and recently — but I had no idea that it was meant to be a duet, let alone one with Lauren.

After the song ends, Lauren exchanges another elbow bump with Kayla before heading backstage, while Kayla continues with two more songs from her album (both of which I am, of course, intimately familiar with) before soaking up the adulation of the crowd, posing for photos and also heading backstage along with Charlotte. Naturally, after the performance, everyone in the room is filled with an excited buzz — everyone with the exception of three people, anyway.

“So… did that really happen?” Becca asks, still dumbfounded by the evening’s events. “Steph, did you REALLY not know about Kayla — well, about her ‘sleeping with the enemy?’ ”

“Don’t — don’t put it THAT way, please,” I reply in a pained voice as Becca grimaces at her faux pas. “I’ve got enough paranoia right now just with the song. Besides, I don’t think Lauren’s gay, anyway.”

“No offence, Steph, but we didn’t think Kayla was either,” Adeola retorts. “Hell, we didn’t even think YOU were.”

“Re- regardless,” Becca interjects. “This — this really does change things, you know? Okay, solo album, I get it, but doing a collab with Lauren, of all people? I don’t recall either of us being asked…”

“Hell, I asked Kayla and she said ‘not for my first album,’ ” I sigh. “Which is also what she said on stage, in fairness, but I — I get the feeling that she collabbed with Lauren rather than the other way round, if that makes sense?”

“I suppose,” Becca muses, her frown deepening. “You don’t — you don’t suppose she’s trying to poach Kayla, is she? Like, with the band taking a break, Spencer and Hall are on the prowl?”

“If that was the case, why would they be okay with Charlotte doing the interview?” Adeola asks. “Never mind the fact that she’s not just an Angel, she’s practically an Archangel, but it was her telling S&H to get stuffed that led to the launch of the Angels — and by extension, us — in the first place?”

“So… what?” I ask. “You think Lauren wants back in to the agency? Into the band, even?”

“Could you blame her if she did?” Becca asked, before sighing. “I dunno, this — this is all a bit of a shock, you know?”

“Wouldn’t be surprised if my cuz sent us all a text calling us into the office tomorrow, though,” Adeola says as Becca and I both nod. “But — anyway, I think we — I think we should, you know, head backstage, show our support for Kayla, right?” I immediately realise what my bandmate is actually suggesting we do, so with a nod, Becca and I both follow Adeola to the door to the backstage area, which the security guard dutifully opens for us. It doesn’t take us long to find Kayla’s dressing room, though I pause and bite my lip when I see her room is directly next door to our former bandmate’s. Nonetheless, I knock, taking a deep breath as we receive an immediate response.

“Hang on, just need to get my mask on,” Kayla — who is probably the most Covid paranoid person in the country — replies. “Okay, come in!” Becca, Adeola and I all don our own masks as we enter the cramped dressing room, where my girlfriend’s delight at the launch is obvious despite her mask covering her smile. “Hey guys!” Despite the circumstances, I still smile as Kayla greets Becca and Adeola with an elbow bump each, before giving me a tight hug and practically dragging me into the sofa she was just sitting in — not that I put up much resistance, of course.

“So,” Kayla says with an excited squeak. “How did you guys like the big launch?”

“Well… the launch was great,” Becca replies, earning another squeak from my girlfriend.

“Okay, it was maybe smaller than it should have been due to this,” Adeola says, all of us nodding with understanding as she gestures to her mask, “but there’s nothing you or anyone else could do about that, I guess.”

“And those two songs you sang by yourself really were awesome,” Becca continues, lowering the mood of the room as Kayla immediately catches on to what our bandmate means when she says ‘by yourself.’

“Ah — yeah…” Kayla grimaces, briefly looking at me before blushing. “That — that really was a last-minute decision, honestly. Lauren messaged me about two weeks ago, after I’d already started promoting the album, and mentioned the song she’d written, one thing led to another, we rehearsed it together and — yeah. Given the title of the song, 'North and South,' she thought I’d be the ideal person to partner up with, heh.”

“No offence, but she picked you over any of the former Constellation members?” Adeola asked. “I mean, they are all still signed to Spencer & Hall, aren’t they?”

“Well, I know for a fact Lauren isn’t. not anymore,” Kayla replies, which unsurprisingly surprises the rest of us and makes me wonder if what I said about her wanting to rejoin the band was true. “Her contract was due to end next month, she hadn’t had any work in ages — largely due to Covid, in fairness — and she asked for and got an early release. And she — heh. Probably saw how well the first single from the album was doing and thought ‘woohoo! A bandwagon!’ ”

“It’s surprising that it’s made it onto the deluxe edition of the album if it’s THAT recent,” I say, trying not to fidget as Kayla frowns — our argument about duets being on her album is clearly as fresh in her mind as it is in mine.

“DIGITAL deluxe,” Kayla reminds me. “And you can blame your brother for that one.” I briefly wonder what Tom or Danny have to do with the album before realising that Kayla is gesturing to Becca and implicating her brother — our producer — in the decision. “We couldn’t reprint the album artwork, and I wouldn’t have wanted them to anyway, and Stuart thought ‘let’s chuck this on there to try to wring a few extra quid out of the fans.’ ”

“Smart,” Becca mumbles with a shrug.

“Honestly, I’m expecting it to be just a one-time thing,” Kayla says. “I can’t imagine she’ll be invited to rejoin the band, or would even want to. Not that — umm, anyway, I mean, the band’s on hiatus right now anyway, so — yeah.” The fact that Kayla can’t return my gaze tells me that when she said ‘not that’ she was planning on following it with something along the lines of ‘there’s a band to rejoin right now anyway,’ with me being the reason why there’s no band to rejoin.

“Yeah, but we won’t be for long,” Adeola retorts. “Voice Kids will be done by the end of the month, Bex has finished her project and is at a loose end, and as you can’t tour for now, you’ll have what, two weeks of publicity work for the album and then that’s it?”

“…And I’m sitting here doing nothing,” I mumble, biting my lip as my dark-skinned friend grimaces.

“Well — yeah, but I didn’t want to, like, put words in your mouth,” Adeola says. “I mean, I don’t know where you are with, like….”

“My solo album?” I ask as my friend trails off.

“Actually, I was thinking more, like, you know, ‘health-wise,’ ” Adeola replies.

“I am getting stronger every day,” I retort. “I’m keeping up with my exercises, I’m actually keen to get back to recording, you know?”

“Yeah, that — that wasn’t what I mean by ‘health,’ ” Adeola says, fidgeting awkwardly. “Steph, you- you’ve been transitioning for what, five years now?”

“…Something like that,” I mumble, immediately catching on to what Adeola’s referring to. “And it’s not like SRS is an option right now, what with how busy all the doctors and hospitals still are, even if things are being apparently ‘relaxed.’ ”

“But you will be off your feet for a while when you have it, right?” Becca asks.

“Oh, months, easily,” I reply. “So, like, definitely no touring, doubt I’d be able to get into the studio, even.”

“I mean, lockdown would’ve been the perfect time to have it done,” Adeola sighs. “You’re stuck at home all day anyway, right? Might as well, like, put that time to good use.”

“It’s not quite THAT simple,” I retort. “The sheer amount of aftercare you need means you can’t simply ‘stay at home and recuperate,’ and the exercises you have to do, you — well, let’s just say that my lungs needs to be significantly better than they are right now to stand a chance of recovering fully. That’s actually the major barrier to it right now, rather than Covid in general, ‘cause I don’t need to wait to have the operation on the NHS. Well, my lungs and — and the fact I’m still not sure I actually want to have it done.” Needless to say, this confession earns sighs from my bandmates — all apart from Kayla, that is, who remains silent.

“Steph…” Becca sighs with clear concern on her face. “Are you — are you regretting it? Being a woman?”

“Not a bit,” I reply. “The last six and a half years have been stressful at times, sure, but they’ve been by far the best years of my life. ‘Steve’ is gone for good, I’m — I’m never going back.”

“So… what’s stopping you?” Adeola asks. “ ‘Cause I remember during our first tour, the utter hassle you had with those red leotards we wore on stage….”

“It — it’s me,” Kayla sighs before I have the chance to reply. “Not ‘cause — not ‘cause of our sex life, and I’m not going into any further detail THERE, but — I, like, don’t mind having to play nursemaid, but — yeah.”

“…It’s not entirely you,” I retort. “Okay, I don’t want to force a caring responsibility onto you, sure, and I — I do want to be with you when you tour, which isn’t going to happen if I’m laid up, as travelling from city to city every day — yeah, not happening. But I — I have to know it’s what’s best for myself before taking anyone else into consideration. Sorry if that sounds selfish, but-”

“Honestly, I get it,” Becca interrupts. “You’re not the first family member of mine to have gone through it, remember? And Stuart’s ‘direction of travel’ was a lot longer and more complicated than Jamie’s, but hers was no walk in the park either, so- yeah.”

“…Sometimes I forget just how many transgender experts I know,” I say, sharing a giggle with my friends. “But — yeah. Comfortable as I am with all of you, can we move away from my genitals and back to the topic of Lauren, please? The duet being a one-time thing?”

“That’s what I’m assuming, anyway,” Kayla says. “Though she — she has said she misses being in the band, and really missed the whole ‘culture’ of Heavenly Talent too.”

“Yep, I would NOT be surprised if my uncle or cousin calls us in for a meeting tomorrow,” Adeola says, before sighing as a knock comes from the door.

“…I’ve got interviews lined up all afternoon,” Kayla says with a sigh of her own. “Radio 1, Capital FM, newspapers, you name it, so — yeah.”

“Time for us to scoot,” Becca says, chuckling as she and Adeola stand up and exchange elbow bumps with Kayla, though my girlfriend pressing my hand to the sofa is a sure sign that she wants me to hang back from the others.

“We’ll see you soon,” Adeola says with a warm grin. “This album is going to go HUGE, I can feel it. Remember us when you’re selling out Wembley Stadium, please?”

“When WE’RE selling it out,” Kayla giggles, smiling as our bandmates leave the room before sighing and turning back toward me. “Steph, I — I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the whole Lauren thing, it — ugh, Jonathan made us sign an NDA and — yeah.”

“Jonathan,” I sigh. “So, Lauren is coming back to HT, then?”

“…She WANTS to,” Kayla says, before sighing. “But it — it’s not the same as it was in 2016, is it? We’re different, the band’s different, hell, you’re different than you were back then, too. And I don’t care about SRS, I’m not talking about that, I-”

“I get it,” I sigh. “Even if sometimes, it does feel like the whole world is going on without me.”

“Well I’m not,” Kayla insists, before frowning as another knock comes from the door as if to immediately prove her wrong. “Yes, okay, I’ll be right there! Just a minute, please!”

“You — you should get going, you’re gonna have a busy afternoon,” I sigh.

“Busy next couple of weeks,” Kayla retorts, before lowering her mask and my own and giving me a soft, loving kiss. “But this, it — it’s all professional. What I’m doing with Lauren, I mean. Hell, Becca and Adeola too. But this, what we have? I love you, Steph.”

“I love you too,” I whisper, exchanging another kiss with my girlfriend before raising my mask back into place. “But your public awaits, heh.”

“As long as my ‘private’ is always there for me,” Kayla sighs happily. “I love you more than any album, Steph. Don’t — don’t ever forget that or doubt it.”

“I won’t,” I whisper, smiling as Kayla heads out of her dressing room, leaving me alone and, with Covid restrictions (not to mention the guest of honour being otherwise engaged) meaning no afterparty for the launch, at a loose end. I briefly consider catching up with Becca and Adeola, before remembering that they’ve arranged a double dinner date for tonight with their partners, and after tonight the last thing I want is to feel like a fifth wheel. I briefly consider even heading next door to speak to Lauren, before reasoning that she’ll probably be just as busy as Kayla.

With no other option coming to mind, I hastily scribble a note to Kayla explaining that I’ve headed home for an early night (something that’s become increasingly frequent with my recent health issues) before summoning an Uber and heading back home. Once home, I waste no time stripping out of my expensive dress and boots, before having a quick wash and climbing under my bed sheets. Unsurprisingly, following the evening’s events, I struggle to drift off as a million questions race through my mind.

Is Lauren rejoining the band? Will she sign with Heavenly Talent as a solo artist? Will Kayla only be a solo artist going forward, if the album is successful? Will the band ever tour again? Will they ever record again? Will I ever be well enough to tour or record? Will I ever be well enough to go in for SRS? Will I ever want to go in for SRS? More importantly, is Kayla the reason I’m putting off, like she clearly thinks?

The only question that doesn’t need answering, thankfully, is ‘does Kayla truly love me?’ That was unambiguously answered with a ‘yes’ repeatedly throughout the night. It does raise the question of why she didn’t trust me with her Lauren secret, though the fact the agency made her sign an NDA, and implicitly excluded me from ‘the loop,’ makes me wonder whether or not it’s the agency who feel they can’t trust me. Which then raises the questions of whether or not they feel my inability to sing right now is a burden on their resources, and whether or not they’ll continue to support me if I undergo SRS. Sure, they supported Jamie and Kelly every step of the way, and no doubt will for Dina too, but they’re Angels, their job literally consists of documenting their lives for public content. My job consists of singing. And typical me, I catch a virus that affects the one set of organs most essential for that job. And despite the other girls’ insistence that without me, there’s no band, we’re not the ones who ‘own’ Out of Heaven — the agency are. And they’ve just had the ideal replacement for me land in their lap….

Despite my mental turmoil, I do eventually fall asleep, as I’m woken the following morning by my phone — though it’s my ringtone rather than my alarm. After checking the time and realising that it’s already 8:40am, and checking the caller ID, which reveals that it’s the agency calling, I tap ‘answer,’ knowing immediately what the call will be about.

“…Hello?” I say, trying my hardest not to sound too sleepy.

“Good morning, Steph,” the voice on the other end of the phone says. “This is Ella from the agency. Joshua has arranged a meeting for you and the rest of the band this morning. A car will pick you and Kayla up at 10:40am, please make sure you’ve done a lateral flow test this morning and be sure to call us back if you do test positive.”

“Yeah, you — you don’t need to remind ME about testing,” I reply with a snort. “Why do we need to be there in person, anyway? Why can’t we have this meeting over Zoom?”

“Joshua’s instructions,” Ella replies with an almost audible shrug. “I think he’s got something else planned depending on how the meeting goes.”

“Ominous,” I say with a snort of laughter. “Okay, I’ll be there and I’ll be ready. Have you already called Kayla?”

“I’m calling her next,” Ella replies.

“Good,” I say as I swing my tired legs out of my bed. “Gives me a chance to get to the shower first!” I share a giggle with the caller as I end the call before heading straight to the shower, making sure my hair is thoroughly washed, conditioned and styled before shaving off what few stray body hairs I have. Unsurprisingly, when I emerge from the bathroom, Kayla is standing outside the door with a smirk on her face.

“Saved any hot water for me?” Kayla asks, giggling as I reply with a quick kiss.

“It’s your fault we’re up this early, you know,” I retort.

“Yeah, I know,” Kayla replies with a sigh and an eye roll. “You didn’t miss much last night, by the way. Just interviews, and that’s about it. Don’t blame you for leaving early, everyone else did, heh.”

“Does — does that include Lauren?” I ask nervously.

“…I didn’t SEE her leave,” Kayla replies as she shuts the door behind her and shouts over the noise of the shower. “I think she might have done interviews as well, I dunno. Heh, we’re probably about to find out!”

“Probably,” I shout back as loudly as my compromised lungs will allow. “Gonna make us some breakfast, you must be hungry after last night, heh.”

“Starving,” Kayla replies with a giggle as I head through to the kitchen to get ready for the day.

After a small breakfast of toast and cereals (so that we don’t get the smell of cooking in our hair), Kayla and I head back to our bedrooms to get ready for the day, ultimately emerging just ten minutes before our taxi arrives. As always, Kayla is dressed in her preferred look of a dark plum-coloured below the knee pencil skirt with a matching blazer and heels and a light-coloured blouse. I, on the other hand, have opted for a look that should hopefully be a bit more confidence boosting.

Obviously, I’ve opted for a smart pencil skirt, but mine is a light burgundy colour, ends about three inches above the knee and has a small, barely two inch slit on the left hand side. Rather than a normal blouse, I’ve instead opted for a bodysuit that’s fashioned like a sleeveless blouse (an impulse but after seeing it in an Instagram story of the other new Angel), and have opted for a pair of shoes the same colour as my skirt, but with a very narrow 4.5” heel and a tiny peep toe front that shows off the glossy black polish on my toenails. When matched with my most expensive watch on my right wrist and my favourite bracelets on my left, a dainty gold chain around my neck, a pair of sparkly gold hoops in my earlobes and the dark red polish on my fingernails, I truly feel like a million dollars. When you add in my flawless make-up look with my favourite dark red lipstick and my hair having as much volume as I've ever managed, the million becomes a billion.

And all of this is despite the fact that other than the crotch of my bodysuit and my usual thong, I am completely 'unconstrained downstairs.' Just a regular ‘tuck’ is enough to keep the front of my skirt perfectly smooth, and even as I move around, I’m not in any discomfort or any danger of coming 'untucked.' Anyone looking at me who didn’t know otherwise would see what they assume to be a ‘regular’ woman. Hell, even I think that as I look at me. If I can’t see even a hint of what’s in my knickers, and I can barely even feel it as I move around, does it really matter what’s in there?

Unfortunately, this is a question I simply don’t have the time to answer right now, as I have a meeting to attend — and a girlfriend to show off today’s look to [wording].

“…Okay,” Kayla says, wide-eyed and actually licking her lips at the sight of me. “When we get back, I’m having a sign made up that says ‘taken,’ and you have to wear that every time you leave the house looking like THAT.”

“Hmm… I’d rather wear this around my neck instead, hehe!” I reply, sharing a giggle with my girlfriend as I fiddle with my thin gold chain.

“Did I get you that for Christmas a few years ago?” Kayla asks.

“My birthday, actually,” I reply. “In 2019, but it’s less than a month after Christmas so I’ll let you off, heh. It’s still my favourite, obviously. And obviously, you look hotter than the Sun too.”

“Thank you,” Kayla says with a smug giggle. “But I think you’ve ‘won’ today, heh. I’m just grateful you didn’t show up yesterday looking that hot, heh!”

“Thank you,” I say with a smug giggle of my own. “Just needed a little ‘confidence’ today, that’s all.”

“Is everything okay?” Kayla asks softly as she gives my hand a supportive squeeze. “God knows I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t had the time to even ask that….”

“I’m fine, really,” I reply. “Just — I dunno. Feeling the world pass me by while I’m standing still. Not much of a problem when the entire world was stood still, but — yeah. I’m closer to thirty now than I am to twenty, and okay, it’s not like I don’t have a great life, an amazing life, even. I’ve fulfilled all my dreams and — yeah. Maybe I shouldn’t be bothering you with this during your ‘big week,’ heh.”

“I’ve told you a million times, you’re more important to me than a damn album,” Kayla says softly. “And I get it, I really do. Probably more than you realise. First year I was in the band, right? We’d released our first album, we’d had our first tour, we were THE next big thing and I’d barely just turned eighteen. I thought to myself ‘have I really peaked this early?’ ”

“…And if memory serves, you pretty much immediately started work on your solo album,” I say.

“Maybe, like, ten minutes a week,” Kayla snorts. “But I learned, I learned to sit back and smell the roses sometimes. And okay, I get that’s all you’ve been able to do recently- ”

“When my sense of smell has been working properly, at least,” I interrupt, earning a sympathetic smile from my girlfriend.

“…But the point is that you don’t have to spend your life going at a hundred miles an hour all the time,” Kayla continues. “Hell, you’ve got about a dozen games you haven’t even started yet, let alone finished.”

“The agency won’t pay me to sit on my arse all day playing games, though,” I retort.

“Except they kinda do,” Kayla says. “I get the same amount from royalties and residuals as you do, remember? Okay, it doesn’t leave us with much after bills and the rent on this place, but you’ve got your Twitch and YouTube earnings as well, haven’t you?”

“…Okay, maybe money isn’t the big issue I made it out to be,” I chuckle. “I just — I dunno. I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, and now with Lauren too, it — well, yeah.”

“Well, as far as I’m concerned, Lauren is a non-issue,” Kayla says firmly. “She wanted me to duet with her on her song, I said yes, the track turned out great, we’ll make a load of money, but not as much as the duets you and me will do on our albums, right?”

“Right,” I say confidently as our phones buzz to let us know our taxi has arrived.

“So let’s move on from Lauren and see what the next chapter of the amazing book that is ‘Out of Heaven’ will be about,” Kayla says, sharing a smile with me as we grab our designer handbags and head out to our waiting car.

Predictably, when we enter the vast conference room at Heavenly Talent, Lauren McTavish is already sat there waiting for us, alongside the ever-ebullient owner of the agency.

“Stephanie! And Kayla, last night’s belle of the ball!” Joshua exclaims in a voice that’s excited even by his usual standards. “Come on in, please sit down! And please tell me there were plenty of photos taken of you in those outfits?”

“The usual photographers were outside, yep,” I reply. “I’m practically on their Christmas card lists at this point.”

“I would expect nothing less!” Joshua chuckles as Lauren snorts derisively.

“Better that than being smuggled in the back entrance under a parka, especially in this heat,” the Scottish woman says with a playful sigh, before chuckling excitedly. “So worth it to be back here, though. To be back home.” Before either of us can say anything in response, the door opens again and our other two bandmates enter, clearly as taken aback as Kayla and I were by the presence of our former bandmate.

“Becca! I see Adeola got you here safely!” Joshua booms across the conference table. “Please take a seat, then we may begin.”

“Yes, I see we’re ALL here,” Becca says as she and her best friend sit down next to myself and Kayla.

“Indeed,” Joshua says, adopting a more professional and yet still excited tone — clearly he views what he’s about to tell us as good news, but isn’t sure whether or not we’ll agree.

“Not that I’ve gained THAT much weight over lockdown, but may as well address the elephant in the room now, then?” Lauren asks, fidgeting awkwardly as she’s met with four sets of stares from across the table.

“Indeed,” Joshua repeats. “Becca, Adeola and Stephanie: I apologise for the deception that was involved with last night’s launch. Social media makes it impossible to keep a secret nowadays, and the best way to get publicity is with as big a surprise as possible. Riley and his team have told me that social media is already abuzz with the announcement and have made all number of speculations regarding the band’s future.”

“They’re not the only ones,” Becca says.

“Of course,” Joshua says. “And I want you to know that I would never do anything with the band without your unanimous consent.”

“In short, if you don’t want me back, I won’t come back,” Lauren says, and a quick glance at my bandmates reveals that we’re all thinking the same thing.

“…So, you DO want back in the band, then?” Adeola asks.

“I — I miss it, you know?” Lauren replies. “The fun times we had, the sense that I was part of a family, a community… okay. So I made more money with Spencer and Hall. A LOT more, if I’m being brutally honest. And I would stand to continue making that even with Constellation going tits up. You know I’m looking at going into acting, and they’re looking even at getting me into Broadway, or Hollywood… but I miss home. More specifically, ‘home’ home, in Scotland. Thanks to Covid, I’ve only been back to the farm twice in the last eighteen months and — yeah. Okay, so I won’t get to go back as often while living in London, but at least it won’t be an international flight.”

“I get it, like I’ve told you,” Kayla says — obviously they talked about more than just music on their calls, then. “Southampton’s a lot closer than Scotland, sure, but Covid’s even closer than that, so I’ve barely seen my mum and dad over the last eighteen months. I haven’t even spoken to them since last night yet.”

“I will make sure there is time for that today, don’t worry,” Joshua interjects. “But in the meantime, you must make a decision, all of you. If you wish for myself or Lauren to leave the room, we will, but I would ask that you make your decision quickly. If we strike while the iron is hot, we will get greater engagement online and greater publicity for the band, which means greater sales, which means bigger bank balances for all of you.”

“That’s definitely true,” Becca sighs as we all nod in agreement. “Can we — can we have a few minutes, please?”

“Of course,” Joshua says, smiling as he escorts Lauren out of the room, while the four of us let out a long, tired sigh.

“…Well, you called it, Steph,” Becca says, reminding me of my speculation from last night. “She wants to be in the band again, and more than that, Joshua wants her to be in the band too.”

“Which, before you ask, is the first I’ve heard of it as well,” Adeola sighs. “But I — ugh. This is gonna sound really bad….”

“No, go on,” Becca gently urges her friend.

“I — I think it’d be a good thing if she rejoined the band, you know?” Adeola says, much to my surprise. “I mean, we’ve done everything we can as a four-piece, or at least, that’s what it feels like. We’re all focussed on our solo projects now, and — yeah. What was old is new again, so if we get back together as a five piece it’d, you know, inject new life into the band? Obviously, I’m only thinking professionally, but it’s not like I ever hated Lauren, you know? Even when she did ditch us.”

“I — I’m glad you said that,” Becca says softly. “Because I — I feel the same way too.”

“Wh- really?” I ask incredulously.

“Really,” Becca says. “I mean, we’re not the same teenagers we were when we formed the band, and neither’s Lauren.” Way to touch on THAT insecurity, I think to myself. “Other bands have got back together successfully, like Girls Aloud and even the Spice Girls. And okay, we’ve not been around as long as they have, but — it’s not like we’re small, you know? We have a fanbase, a global fanbase, even. They’ve got older as we have, and — yeah. Six years is long enough to make people nostalgic, right? We can make a lot of money with Lauren, and I’ve long since forgiven her for the whole Constellation thing, so why not? Though I’m guessing by your reaction, Steph, that you have an answer to that question?”

“Actually — actually, I don’t,” I reply, letting out a long sigh as I'm forced to concede that everything Becca and Adeola said makes sense. “This — this has been a surprise to me, sure, but — but you make a lot of sense with what you say. I mean, I lived with Lauren for months, we got on well, and like you said, the band could use rejuvenating, so- why not?” Certainly the five of us are more likely to have a successful album in the near future than the one of me….

“That’s three, then,” Becca says, looking almost giddy at the prospect. “Kayla, I assume you’ll make us four?”

“Ac- actually, I — I’m not sure,” Kayla replies, biting her lip as she immediately lowers the mood in the room. “I mean, I’ve just finished a big project, and I need to take time out to promote it, like, I’ve got three interviews lined up this evening alone. Okay, they’re Zoom interviews, but — still. And it’s not like we don’t all — umm, we don’t have projects of our own as well, I’m already working with Stuart on ideas for my next album, so — yeah. In a way, reuniting the band would almost feel like going backwards.” Kayla bites her lip and fidgets as an awkward silence fills the room. I give her hand a gentle squeeze, hoping that she knows that even if I don’t agree with her decision, I will still support it regardless.

“…Well that’s decision made, then,” Adeola says with a shrug. “You can’t have the band without all of the four of us, ‘plus one’ or no ‘plus one.’ ”

“Your uncle’s gonna be unhappy, though,” Becca sighs.

“Those were his terms, though,” Adeola retorts. “Hell, your brother’s probably gonna be more unhappy, what with all the songs he’s been writing for us.”

“What if — umm, what if we — hang on a sec, let me think,” Kayla says, her eyes lighting up in a way I’ve only ever seen when she’s come up with a new song idea. “What if instead of going backwards we, you know, go out with a bang? Like you said, Stuart’s written loads of the fifth album, and all four of us — five if you include Lauren — have songs we can contribute to it. What if we make album number five the five of us reunited, but as a grand finale to Out of Heaven? By the time it comes out the band will be almost seven years old, which is a hell of a lifespan for any musical act.”

“…Yeah, that could work!” Adeola says excitedly. “Like, a farewell tour, too?”

“Touring may be a bit beyond some of us right now,” I say, biting my lip as it’s my turn to lower the mood in the room. “And that IS what brings in the big bucks, after all.”

“…Either all four — or all five, I guess — of us tour, or none of us do,” Adeola says firmly. “I reckon my uncle will still go for the idea.”

“Still kinda feels like the end of an era, though,” Becca says with an air of sadness in her voice. “After seven years, no more Out of Heaven?”

“Nah, I wouldn’t look at it that way,” Adeola reassures her best friend. “It’s not like the four — well, okay, five of us are going anywhere, are we? We’ll still be together, just not ‘together’ together, if that makes sense?”

“And if they do a platinum jubilee concert next year and they offer us a spot, literally nothing will keep me from that,” I say, earning an excited squeak from my girlfriend and smiles from my two close friends. “As long as it’s just two songs, I mean.”

“…I love you guys, I really do,” Becca says, and despite the constant reminder provided by our facemasks, the four of us stand and embrace in a tight group hug that lasts for several minutes before we eventually break the hug and let our boss and our old — and new — bandmate back into the room.

Thankfully, both Joshua and Lauren quickly agree to the idea of the ‘farewell album,’ which Joshua then decides will be named ‘ReUnity,’ a play on our previous album being named just ‘Unity,’ and the idea of the band reuniting one last time.

Despite it feeling like, as Becca said, the end of an era, the five of us feel energised, excited by the prospect of going out on a (probably literal) high note, even if there’s a part of me that feels like I’m somehow letting the side down with my health issues. Obviously, Joshua and the rest of the band don’t see it that way, but I can’t help but worry. Thankfully, I know the perfect person to speak to about this, not to mention other, more 'sensitive' topics. After taking a photo of the five of us to send to the social media team to try to ‘break the internet,’ I head down to the recording studio, where I find the man himself hard at work. Even if his ‘hard at work’ involves sitting with his feet up on his desk and a pair of noise-cancelling headphones on his head. Smirking, I take my phone out of my pocket and send him a quick text message, smirking as I hear his phone vibrate in his pocket.

‘Hey Stu, got a sec?’ My message reads. I let out a quiet snort of laughter as our producer takes his phone out of his pocket and composes a reply.

‘Sure, what’s up?’ Stuart’s message reads.

‘Maybe try turning around first,’ I type, giggling as our producer looks behind him, before rolling his eyes, pressing ‘pause’ on his laptop and taking off his headphones.

“…Funny,” Stuart grunts, rolling his eyes again as I continue to giggle.

“Hi,” I reply in a deliberately sickeningly sweet voice. “Have you got a sec?”

“Sure,” Stuart replies. “Just listening to a demo CD a recent music graduate sent in. It’s actually pretty good if you want me to rip it and email it to you later.”

“Thanks,” I reply, before frowning with confusion. “…An actual CD? What, like, a physical disc?”

“Came as a surprise to me, too,” Stuart chuckled. “But hey, shows that she puts in the effort, I suppose.”

“Yeah — wait, ‘she?’ ” I ask. “Have Out of Heaven got competition now?”

“No, she’s an indie musician,” Stuart replies with a chuckle. “Completely different genre to the four — sorry, FIVE of you.”

“…So you heard about the ‘prodigal daughter,’ then?” I ask.

“JB did ask if the tracks on the album could be reworked to suit five singing voices instead of four,” Stuart replies with an almost sheepish chuckle. “And if any tracks would suit Lauren’s voice, so — yeah. Didn’t even need to put two and two together to make, well, five in this case.”

“Yeah… assuming it is ‘five,’ anyway,” I say, biting my lip as the young man frowns with frustration. “I — ugh, well — yeah. My lungs still aren’t great after my run-in with the virus last year, and now with a fibro diagnosis… touring’s out of the question for now, that much is certain. Not much of a singer if I can’t sing, am I?”

“Well — yeah, yeah you are, actually,” Stuart retorts, sighing as I roll my eyes. “I’m serious, Steph. Okay, you’ve had a setback, and a bad one too. But it’s not like you to just give up like this.”

“You’re talking to the woman who literally ran away for weeks on end a few years ago,” I remind my friend.

“You’re still here now though, aren’t you?” Stuart retorts, and I nod as I’m forced to concede his point. “And you wouldn’t have come to me if you didn’t think there was something I could do about it.”

“Is there anything you can do about it, though?” I ask.

“I’d be a piss-poor producer if there wasn’t,” Stuart chuckles. “And I’m not talking about stuff like auto-tune either. I mean things like exercises for your lungs and your diaphragm, scheduling recording sessions with frequent breaks, even orienting tracks on the band’s album and your solo album to suit your range better, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.”

“You’re still working on my solo album?” I ask, surprised by this news.

“Again, ‘not a piss-poor producer,’ ” Stuart replies. “Steph, the agency isn’t going to simply throw you away because part of you isn’t at full strength. Heh, you’ve always kinda had a reputation for being one of the least ‘diva-ish’ singers around, but allow yourself a little selfishness, okay? Tell us what you want us to do for you, and we’ll do it, simple as.”

“…I want to be part of the band,” I reply. “Work on the fifth album, then work on my solo project on the side. But I — I don’t want to overdo it. I want to prioritise my health as well.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do,” Stuart replies. “Give me a couple of weeks to draw up a rehearsal and recording schedule, I’ll run it by you and the rest of the band, and we’ll all work together to make everything right.”

“Thanks,” I whisper, before smirking as I hear the door to Stuart’s studio open without knocking.

“Ever heard of knocking?” Stuart berates the newcomer, who lets out a loud and overdramatic sigh in response.

“I’ve heard there’s no point in doing it when you have your headphones on,” Becca replies, rolling her eyes as her brother chuckles. “I’m guessing Steph’s already filled you in on what’s happening with the band?”

“Yep, though JB did give me advance warning, so I’ve had time to plan for all contingencies,” Stuart replies. “Thankfully you’ve gone for what we called the ‘best case scenario.’ Well, assuming that you see it that way, of course?”

“Well, we DID all unanimously vote for Lauren to rejoin the group,” Becca replies with a smirk. “With some caveats, sure, but — yeah, ‘best case scenario’ sums it up well, heh. Even if we are going to be keeping you busy while my new nephew settles into your home.”

“I’ll be working from home most days,” Stuart retorts. “And most days I almost have to fight Jamie to do the feeds and the changes, heh.”

“Jamie who herself has an increased workload with the recent change to the Angels’ lineup?” Becca asks. “I’m almost surprised she didn’t leave when the others did.”

“She did think about it,” Stuart replies. “But she won’t leave if Charlotte won’t, and will leave if she will. Those two really are joined at the hip in everything, professional and personal. Heh, kinda like the four — well, five of you girls.” Becca and I smile at our producer’s reassurance, though my smile widens greatly when I feel a small hand link fingers with mine.

“Hey,” Kayla whispers in my ear through her mask.

“Hey,” I whisper back, leaning my head against my girlfriend’s in lieu of a kiss.

“Thought we’d find you here,” Adeola says as she and Lauren also enter the room.

“Ahh, definite 2015 flashbacks now,” Stuart chuckles. “I’d offer to let you all record ‘No More Lies 2021’ if I wasn’t busy with other work right now.”

“We’ll definitely take you up on that soon,” Adeola giggles. “But right now we need everyone for some publicity photos. My uncle’s brought out of storage the costumes we wore for our first concert and thought they’d make for a cool ‘now and then’ kinda thing.”

“…Sounds fun!” Becca giggles as I nod in agreement.

“Good, then I can get back to my actual work,” Stuart chuckles. “I’ll talk to you all soon about a rehearsal and recording schedule.” The five of us all nod, me briefly lowering my mask and mouthing a quiet ‘thank you’ to our producer as we head down to the in-house photography studio, where our regular photographer is all set up and waiting for us.

“Hi girls!” Katie giggles excitedly. “I only just got here myself, heh, but when JB calls, you don’t ask, you just run, hehe! Your costumes are in the storeroom. I’m afraid you’ll need to change in there, but it is at least a warm day, heh. Though you’ll need fishnets, as usual, but there are brand new pairs in there. And you’ll need to do your own make-up, I’m afraid.”

“Not what I’d call a massive hardship,” I reply with a giggle of my own as we head into the storeroom where, as promised, our old costumes are waiting for us. A quick glance at the others reveals that they’re just as emotional at seeing the red masterpieces as I am — and that’s saying something. I let out a sigh as my fingers gently stroke the spangly red fabric that makes up the leotard base of the costume, before moving onto the soft tulle tutu skirts and the separate pair of Angel wings that still has my name sewn into it six years later.

After spending five minutes touching up our make-up, the five of us each strip down to our panties (the costumes being too skimpy even for bras), pull on a pair of fishnet tights and take our costumes off the provided rack.

As I step into the costume, I get the same ‘tingles’ throughout my body as when I first wore it back during our first dress rehearsal over half a decade ago, though when I go to fasten it behind my back, I suddenly realise that while the costume might be the same, my body, for better or worse, isn't.

“Umm… might need a little help over here,” I say sheepishly, trying vainly not to blush as Kayla and Becca — both of whom have put their costumes on without any issue — skip over to me.

“What’s up?” Kayla asks, going to give my hand a gentle squeeze before realising that both of my hands are holding my costume behind my back, and then realising why they’re holding the costume behind my back. “…Oh.”

“Yep,” I sigh as Kayla takes over and tries to pull the two straps closed, much to my discomfort.

“Umm, you can’t have gained THAT much weight since then, surely?” Becca asks as she tries to fiddle with the other straps of my costume. “You barely look like you’ve gained an inch around your waist in all the time I’ve known you, even including over lockdown.”

“Yeah, it’s not my waist where the problem is,” I sigh as I try to rearrange my breasts within the stiff satin cups of the costume. “Or the ‘inches.’ ”

“…Oh,” Becca says as she stops trying to help and desperately tries not to stare at my cleavage. “Umm… little help for Dolly Parton over here, please?” Despite myself, I can’t help but giggle as I give my bandmate a playful slap on her arm — though even this gesture causes all of Kayla’s hard work, not to mention the top of my costume, to come undone.

“What’s u- oh,” Adeola says as I hastily rearrange myself within my costume despite, much to my amusement not having any problem being topless around my bandmates just three minutes ago.

“This costume used to fit me a LOT better,” I chuckle as I try to figure out a solution, while Kayla and Becca search through other costume racks for anything they can use to improvise.

“Did it, though?” Lauren asks as she adjusts her own shoulder straps. “I seem to remember at your first fitting you had, well, problems on the ‘other end’ of the leotard.”

“And I had to wear that specially designed thong to keep me ‘flat’ while I was performing, I remember,” I sigh as Adeola takes a look at the back of my costume. “That was NOT fun to do some of the more ‘energetic’ dance routines in. Luckily not a problem anymore, heh.”

“Wh- isn’t it?” Lauren asks, looking almost shocked. “I — did you have the operation done privately, without telling anyone on social media or something?”

“Oh — oh, no, sorry,” I reply, again trying not to blush. “I, umm, I — I haven’t had the operation. What I have had, though, is years of oestrogen completely transforming my body. Hence why the ‘boys’ have shrunk to where they really aren’t an issue anymore, but the ‘girls’ are a lot more, well, ‘big,’ I guess.”

“And I thought you were indistinguishable from a cis woman to begin with,” Lauren says, sharing a giggle with me as Becca and Kayla return with a length of ribbon roughly the same colour as the costume, which they begin tying to the loose ends of the straps

A few minutes later, I’m fully secured in my costume, even if the lack of a snap crotch makes me glad I went to the loo before entering the photography studio, as when I untie the costume, I’m not getting it back on quickly even with four extra pairs of helping hands.

“Everything okay?” Katie asks as she sets up her camera while we take our places on the white background that’s been prepared for us. “You were longer than I was expecting…”

“Just a few ‘fit’ problems,” Becca replies with a smug grin on her face as I roll my eyes. “Well, it rhymes with ‘fit,’ anyway….” Katie looks on with bewilderment as Becca and I exchange playful shoves, before adopting the poses required of us for the photoshoot.

Thankfully, the ever-professional Katie gets the photos she needs in less than ten minutes, and (unsurprisingly) the task of stripping off my costume and pulling my bodysuit and my skirt back on is a lot easier than it was the other way around. After exchanging goodbye hugs with our bandmates — all three of them — Kayla and I climb into the back of our waiting taxi and are soon walking through the front door of our flat, happy to be kicking off our heels.

“…Well, the last couple of days have certainly been — well, different,” I chuckle as I reach into our fridge for a cold drink for both of us. “Amazing how so many things have changed while others haven’t just stayed the same, but gone back to how they were before.”

“Totally,” Kayla sighs. “Though on that first part, I hope you do know that I really do like your boobs. Even if they are bigger than mine, heh.”

“Don’t make me shake this up,” I say as I hand Kayla a can of Diet Coke while opening my own can of Diet Pepsi.

“You wouldn’t dare,” Kayla snorts. “Especially as I have two Zoom interviews this evening. Heh, if I were you, I’d clear my calendar too, God knows how many people will be wanting to talk to us after the agency puts out those photos.”

“Everyone, hopefully,” I chuckle. “Probably Lauren most of all, heh. You — you ARE okay with her rejoining the band, aren’t you?”

“I said I was,” Kayla replies with a shrug. “Honestly, like you, Becca and Adeola said, it’s a good idea to revitalise the band one last time before we all go our — well, maybe not ‘separate’ ways, heh. ‘Individual’ ways is probably more appropriate. And there’s no way we’ll NEVER sing together again, heh.”

“Still, though,” I sigh. “Weird to think that the story of Out of Heaven is almost over.”

“The story of ‘Stayla’ will never be over, though,” Kayla giggles, finishing her drink and giving me a kiss before jumping to her feet. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I kinda need to change into something slouchy, hehe! Up for some Mario Kart before dinner?”

“Always,” I say, finishing my drink before heading back to my bedroom as Kayla returns to hers.

Despite the upheaval of the last couple of days, I can at least be confident that Kayla’s love for me, and mine for her, is as strong as it’s ever been. Whether I’m poorly or fit, rich and famous or yesterday’s news and barely scraping by, whether the times are good and bad, I know that ‘Stayla’ will be the one constant that will never change.

“Never change for the worse, I hope,” I whisper to myself as I open up my tights drawer and run my finger over the small box tucked into the back corner, visualising the beautiful diamond ring that lays within….