Orphan Petal

January 2024 - Part 2

Things are about to change in Shirleys life

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Dr Mary
You may be asking why I told Shirley that he is feeling alone. The reason is for Shirley to think. Throughout his life, people have come into his life, and they leave again, some for good. It seems to me Shirley is like any other child. He does not want to be alone, and he wants to be accepted. He tried being the bad bully and tried being kind. He was very much a boy in the past and is now very feminine. I do not know the reason why he made such a drastic change. This is something that Shirley must reflect on and find out who he is and who he wants to be.

Mr Dickens
The wedding is in a few weeks, and the way Aunty is planning it, it will be bigger and more expensive than a royal wedding. I would be happy if we just got married in front of a few witnesses, but you know what they say about weddings, that it is the bride's special day. I am letting Aunty have the wedding she desires. My love for her is so strong that I want her to be happy. If she wants a posh wedding, then so be it. If she does not want children, then I can also respect that. I know that Aunty has a questionable past, and her views on boys can be dangerous; however, her good sides outshine all her bad sides. I think that none of us is perfect, and we should see the positive sides in everyone.

Aunty
Today I realised something that hit me like a bus. It was when I purchased the wedding dress. I am getting married soon! At my age, I am in love and about to tie the knot. The wedding dress made this quite clear. I should be afraid. I should be in some sort of panic, but I am excited and looking forward to it. The wedding dress is very expensive, but it is worth it. The wedding party is not cheap, as I only want the best of everything. The wedding day will come and go very fast. However, the happiness we experience at it will be a good foundation for Dickens and my future.

Shirley
The new shrink that I go to is not the same as the last one. Dr Mary does not tell me that I should wear girl clothes or think like a girl. She just talks about things in my life. It's hard to talk about the things that I have not told anyone. It is harder when I don’t think that I have the answer to her questions. I just hope that she doesn’t confuse the hell out of me. This won’t happen, as I read in Allie’s diary that he realised that she helped him. Maybe she will help me, but what would she help me with? I am happy about life, and I don’t really need a shrink. Seeing a shrink makes me think that there must be something wrong with my head, and I wonder what that could be.

Mr Dickens
Aunty is very close to Shirley, and I know that this relationship became closer to Shirley when he started being a sissy and even acting like a toddler. There is a similar pattern to how Aunty treated her nephew. He was also treated like a sissy toddler. Today I asked Aunty why she is so close to Shirley. Is it because Shirley reminds her of her nephew? Is it because Shirley is transgender? The big question is whether Aunty would like Shirley if he did not act and dress as a girl. To be honest, I am not sure that Shirley is transgender or a sissy or whatever you want to call it. I think that he does like the attention and being the centre of attention. In short, this could be an act that has gone on for a long time. The danger with this is that if it is an act, it could end with dire circumstances for Shirley.

Aunty
Do I want Shirley to be transgender? Do I like him in a dress? Dickens did not have to ask me these questions. I have asked myself the same many times. I know that his girly ways have changed the bad boy he was into a good girl. However, could he have changed his way and still be a boy? I do not know. If I were being honest with myself, I do not know what I would say. Was all the girly behaviour just an act? It does seem too long to be an act, and I did try to support him as much as I could. Maybe I should have supported him before all this, when he started at the children's home. The past is the past; now I have to think about how I can support him. Life is not easy, and if Dickens is right that all this can be an act, it won't be easy for me.

Jason
No more secrets! When I came home from school, I told Mom that I had news that would shock her, and maybe she would want to send me back to the children's home. She looked worried about what I was going to say. I blurted out the truth that I am gay and that Austin is my boyfriend. There was silence for a few minutes, and Mom smiled, telling me that she was worried that I would tell her that I was on drugs. I was relieved when she told me that she could accept that I am gay, as love goes beyond genders. Mom was still feeling guilty about the way that she treated Shirley, and that he was never accepted because he is girly. Mom told me that it is my choice who I am, and this includes my sexual orientation. I have to be proud of who I am and happy with what life gives me. She was also proud that I felt secure enough to tell her that I am gay, although she did suggest that I not tell my dad, as he would not understand it.

Dr Mary
I have been seeing Shirley a lot lately and trying to get him to think about his life and how he thinks. Today we talked about his use of diapers and baby things. Shirley opened up and told me that when he came to the children's home, he had dreams about a pretty girl his age who wore diapers. In time, he thought that this was his brain's way of telling him that he was this girl, and if he looked and acted this way, he would be happy. Shirley also admitted that he is happier than he is now, like the girl in his dreams. This admission made me explain to him that the regression could be a sign that he wanted to feel more secure. Shirley went through a lot of trauma over his parents' death, and regressing to a toddler state was his way of dealing with it. Shirley now had to decide if he would deal with life problems more maturely or if his answer would be to regress and act like a toddler. Maybe it's time that Shirley realises he is strong enough not to hide in diapers and act like a toddler.

Aunty
Shirley was at Dr Mary's today, and when he came back to the children's home, he told me that he has decided that he does not want to wear diapers anymore, and besides, a boy his age should not be in diapers. Shirley only wears diapers when he sleeps, so I told him that we can work on his wish. I told him that he just shouldn’t drink before bed, and we would do some exercises to strengthen his bladder. Shirley could also learn how to play and use things others his age use. He can learn that he doesn’t need things like pacifiers. Shirley was excited that I supported his wish and told me that he would try his best. I am surprised at myself at how I am feeling about all this. I am proud of Shirley.

Susan
I spoke with Mr Dickens today about Shirley. I just wanted him to know that Shirley most likely finds the upcoming wedding and marriage a hard thing to accept. We all know how fragile Shirley is, and the fact that Aunty would no longer be living at the children's home and may not even be working here would devastate Shirley. Aunty is like an idol that Shirley has set on a pedestal. Mr Dickens nodded but explained that Shirley also has to learn that the world does not rotate around him. In life, we will always experience some challenges, and we have to deal with things that may be hard for us to accept. The wedding is not about Shirley; it is about the love that he and Aunty have for each other. To put it bluntly, Shirley has to accept this.

Shirley
Memories can hurt. I have been looking through old photos. I did this because I panicked that I could not remember Mom's face. As I looked through the pictures of my life with my parents, tears were in my eyes. I know my parents were very conservative and judgmental. They would definitely hate what I have become. This being said, I also know they were my family and they loved me. I am not the boy that they wished me to become, but it is my life, and I have to make my own choices. I could see that I was happy in the pictures. I am also happy now, despite the fact that I have changed so much. Isn't this the most important thing?

Dr Mary
Shirley told me that he no longer wears diapers and is quite proud of himself. He still has some unwanted accidents, but it is getting better. Otherwise, we talked about Susan and why she is a good friend. Shirley never thought about this, but after some thought, he said that Susan and he are there for each other. They support each other in good and bad times. He liked the way that Susan thought and that she could be so blunt and honest with him. Susan is like a sister that he never had. Shirley was smiling when he realised how important Susan was to him. He never thought of how much of a good friend she is. I finished the session by telling Shirley that Susan likes him not for what he wears, but for who he is.

Jason
Mom knows that I am gay, but we did not tell Dad. He would blow steam if I told him. It was a big weight lifted from my shoulders when I told Mom. I felt like I was being honest with someone in my life. This does not mean that I will be telling anyone else that I am gay. I am not ready for this. Besides, it's none of their business. Some would not understand that I am happy with Austin.

Austin
Shirley asked me a strange question, and that was why I liked him. How could I answer this besides telling him that he was a complicated boy who had some sparkle? Things never get boring with Shirley around, as drama follows him all the time. Sure, Shirley can be very annoying, and sometimes I feel like choking him, but deep down, he is lovable, like a teddy bear.

Shirley
Ballet classes started again, and I am so happy that they have. Now I have something more fun to think about. At times, I wish that life were like one big ballet performance, where we could be graceful and make people happy. Life would be when people can see me for who I am and be proud of me.