Cover art by Erin Halfelven
©2026, SammyC

My grandmother, Mrs. Miriam Azoff, stood in the doorway of our dressing room. She was wearing her ‘traveling outfit.’ A burgundy velour pants suit. Despite it being the middle of July, she had thrown a sweater over her shoulders. She stood there, her right hand twirling a long string of imitation pearls hanging from her neck. Her eyes scanned the room before she spoke.

“Where’s Lindsey?”

Dad sputtered incoherently as I froze in place, my face turning a bright shade of red, bright enough to give off light. Before either of us could move, Elena adroitly placed herself in front of grandmother and enthusiastically grasped her right hand, shaking it vigorously.

“Ahhh, Mrs. Azoff, what a delightful surprise to meet you. I’m Elena Ross. Lindsey has told me so much about you. You should see the sparkle in her eyes when she mentions you.”

Still shaking grandmother’s hand, she nodded to Jeremy behind her.

“The three of you should spend what little time that’s left between shows getting reacquainted. I’m sure you haven’t seen Lindsey in weeks. You can hardly recognize Lindsey, can you? Children do grow up quickly, don’t you know. Jeremy and I…oh, that’s my grandson Jeremy…say hello, Jeremy.”

“Hello Jeremy…I mean Mrs. Azoff,” Jeremy gabbled, unsure of what was going on with Elena.

Elena took Jeremy’s arm and walked through the doorway before turning back to the room.

“Mrs. Azoff, we must chat. Lunch tomorrow? My treat. The Lodge makes a stuffed cabbage to die for. And the babkas are simply the sweetest in the Catskills. See you at noon tomorrow. Come, Jeremy.”

Everyone was silent for a few seconds after Elena and Jeremy disappeared down the hallway.

All at once, we spoke.

Grandmother: “Who the hell was that?”

Father: “What are you doing here? Out of nowhere! You could’ve called—”

Me: “I love burgundy on you, Grandma. It’s your color!”

Grandmother took my shoulders in her hands and peered at me as her sunglasses rested on the tip of her nose. She stepped back as if receiving an electric shock.

“It’s you, Lindsey! It’s really you!” She turned to father, her face a scowl. “Jackie, how could you do this to your one and only son? You’ve turned him into a drag queen. Oy gevalt!”

“It wasn’t my idea, mama,” Dad deflected, bowing his head in shame. “And the girl who I hired to be my assistant up and left. She ran off with some putz just before we arrived here at the Lodge. What was I going to do?”

“Well, perhaps not turn your son into a laughingstock in front of audiences on a nightly basis?”

“I think I look pretty good,” I interjected. “Everyone thinks I’m a girl. Jeremy’s in love with me—”

“I’m not hearing this. It’s a bad dream.” She grabbed my shoulders again. “He can’t be in love with you. You’re both boys!” She paced the room with her head in her hands. Suddenly, she looked up. “It’s a shame really. That boy is very good-looking. And his grandmother reeks of old money. If you were a girl, he’d be quite a catch. Wait! What am I saying? Jackie, for the love of God, do the right thing and just quit this magic thing. Go find a job with Uncle Bubby. Sure he does bookkeeping for some shady types but it’s legitimate work. And Lindsey can’t go back to Yeshiva looking like…like that!”

“I know, grandma, they won’t let girls wear skirts that fall above the top of the knees,” I snickered.

I hugged grandmother and looked beseechingly into her eyes. “Please, grandma, I’m doing this for Dad. And if he just quits this gig, how are we going to pay for Yeshiva this fall? I’ll have to stop my rabbinical studies…”

“No. N. O. No.” She crossed her arms and jutted out her jaw, turning away from my gaze.

“It’ll just be for the next six weeks. Besides, don’t you think I look really nice in my assistant’s costume?” I stepped back and pirouetted.

“I have to admit you make a beautiful girl, Lindsey. But, I don’t know. It’s just not normal for a 16-year-old rabbinical student to be wearing a bustier.”

“You should see her in a bikini,” Dad muttered.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Gott in Himmel!”

Just then, Bucky Wilentz and his jazz band walked by our dressing room, having finished their set.

“You’re on in five,” Bucky shouted through the doorway. “Nice crowd tonight. Aaron tells me the late show is over-booked. They’ll have to squeeze in some extra tables.”

Vincent, cradling his guitar in his arms like it was a baby, stopped outside the doorway.

“Hey, Lindsey, looking good. As usual.”

Grandmother shut the door in his face and shook her head, her sunglasses almost flying off.

“You’re living dangerously, Lindsey. What happens if someone finds out you’re really a boy?”

“We have to start the late show, mama,” Dad said, taking grandma’s arm. “I’ll have Aaron sit you at a table near the stage. Just enjoy the show and we’ll talk in our room later tonight.”

“Can you tell this Aaron fella to get me a glass of red wine too?”

“Sure, mama. Manischewitz?”

“I’d rather have a Red Moscato. It’s kosher too, you know.”

As you can imagine, our late-night conversation didn’t get anywhere. Grandmother enjoyed the show and said I genuinely looked beautiful under the stage lights but she was adamant about Dad quitting the act as soon as possible. She wanted me back in boy mode by the time school started again in late August.

“You weren’t kidding about the stuffed cabbage, Elena,” grandma said admiringly as she reached for her glass of iced tea. We were seated for lunch in the Lodge dining room. The din of friendly conversation and tables being bussed in rapid succession made chatting a little difficult, which is why grandma leaned forward and raised her voice as she asked Elena why Jeremy was absent from the occasion.

“He’s driving down to the city to pick up a gift for you from my store, Ross & Stone On Fifth.”

“Oh, my, Elena, a gift from Ross & Stone? And you’re THAT Ross? What are you doing in the Catskills? I’d think you’d be on a Mediterranean cruise or vacationing in the South of France.”

“When my husband was alive, we’d travel the world. From Khartoum to Katmandu and back. Right now, I prefer staying close to my family. That’s why Jeremy’s with me. He’s my sunshine.”

“Speaking of Jeremy…uh…you must know or you should be made aware of the fact that Lindsey is not a girl. He’s a boy. I hope Jeremy hasn’t gone and fallen for…uh…him.”

“Grandma, Elena knows. She’s been so helpful. Doing my hair, teaching me about makeup. She even gave me a whole new wardrobe. After lunch, we’ll go back up to our room and I’ll model all the outfits we picked out.”

“Elena, I’m not going to let you give those clothes away for free. At least let me pay you their wholesale value,” Dad offered.

“Nonsense, Jack, they’re a gift. Just like my gift of a new wardrobe that Jeremy’s picking for you, Miriam—”

“Oh, please, Elena, don’t go to all that trouble. I’m leaving tomorrow. Hopefully, I’m taking Jackie and Lindsey with me. It’s God’s way of telling us that the magic act has run its course. Uncle Bubby would give Jackie a bookkeeping job in a New York minute. And Lindsey can continue his schooling…as a boy.”

Elena reached across the table and took grandma’s hands in hers. She did not say a word until their eyes locked.

“Listen to me, Miriam. Lindsey is your beautiful granddaughter. The apple of your eye. You are immensely proud of her—”

“Her?”

“Shhh. Yes, her. Lindsey is a girl. You’ve known that from when she was just a toddler. And when you see her on stage, looking so lovely in her costume, displaying her deep filial love for her father by doing the mitzvah of being his assistant, your breast swells with pride that you have such a wonderful, beautiful granddaughter.”

“Wonderful, yes. Beautiful. Granddaughter. My Lindsey.”

“So, you will stay for a while. To spend time with your son and granddaughter. And enjoy the mountain air of the Catskills. The Hadassah can do without you for a week.”

“I’ll call Ceil and tell her to keep an eye on my tomatoes and squash for a few more days. She’s a good neighbor—”

“Then it’s settled.” Elena released grandmother’s hands.

“I would go easy on the babkas, Lindsey,” grandma advised me. “You’ve got to maintain a girlish figure if you’re going to wear that revealing costume, my shayna meydele.”

“Did you just call Lindsey a pretty girl, mama?” asked Dad.

“Is that strange, Jackie? You don’t think you’re daughter is a beautiful girl?”

“No. I mean yes. She’s the most beautiful girl in the world to me,” replied Dad.

“So, let me ask you, Elena. Is your Jeremy serious about my Lindsey? I think they’d make a great match—”

“Grandma! How embarrassing. We’re just friends. He’s a nice boy but that’s all,” I said with appropriate indignation.

“Miriam, they’re 16. Much too young to be talking seriously,” Elena cautioned. “I’ll admit Jeremy is smitten by the lovely Lindsey. Oh, don’t blush, dear. As I was saying, I don’t think we should be sending out wedding invitations just yet.”

“They’d make beautiful babies together,” Miriam sighed.

Elena winked at me. “You may be right. Perhaps we’ll see…someday.”

“I don’t think so,” I said under my breath.

“By the way, Elena, how would you know what sizes I wear?” grandma wondered.

She laughed. “Some people would say I can read minds.”

“My son reads minds in his act,” grandma declared.

I don’t know how she did it but Elena had my grandmother convinced that I was a girl and always had been. Immediately, grandma bestowed more affection on me than I’d ever known from her. Her voice took on a softer, less dictatorial tone. She felt an affinity with my female-ness. There was a new understanding between us that our brains were wired similarly. I was a girl to her now.

As we took a walk by the lake just outside the perimeter of the Lodge, she held my hand and told me she had decided to stay through the summer.

“What about your tomatoes, grandma?”

“Let Ceil have them all if she wants. I won’t need them since I’m here. Right?”

“Grandma, do you still want me to become a rabbi?”

She giggled. “A female rabbi. Really, Lindsey, where do you even get these silly ideas? No, you should go to college and study whatever tickles your fancy. In the end, you’ll probably get married and start a family anyway.” She stopped in her tracks and searched my eyes. “Lindsey, do you really like Jeremy?”

“Like Elena said, we’re still so young. We haven’t even finished high school—”

“But it might pay to keep in touch with him whatever colleges you go to. Your father’s not a rich man. And my sweet granddaughter deserves all the best things in life. Stay close to him if you really love him. Secure your future. You know what I mean?”

“I’ve been thinking, grandma, that I could do my own magic act…when and if Dad retires, of course. I’ve got some ideas for the act that could take it another level.”

“I know you want to help your father out but, honey, you’ve got better things to do with your life than playing tricks on audiences 200 nights a year. If you applied yourself, you could do well in business. Elena could show you the ropes in retail. You could start at the top. Ross & Stone On Fifth is a global brand.”

“Stop it, grandma. Jeremy’s not going to marry me. Just get that thought out of your head.”

“And why not? You’re smart, beautiful, and personable.”

“It’s not what I am. It’s what I’m not.”

“I don’t understand—”

The clop-clop of horse hooves interrupted our discussion. Riding one of the Lodge’s geldings was Aaron Felder. He pulled on the reins and stopped just feet away from us. Looking down from the saddle, he doffed his herringbone newsboy cap in our direction.

“Morning, ladies. Having a pleasant walk along the lakeshore?”

“Grandma, this is Aaron Felder, the General Manager of the Lodge. Aaron, this is Miriam Azoff, my grandmother.”

“Nice to meet you. I can see where Lindsey gets her looks. Beauty runs in the family for sure.”

“He’s full of it, grandma.”

“Oh, Lindsey, don’t disrespect your boss like that.”

“Your granddaughter’s a feisty one. I like feisty.”

“You know, Mr. Felder, I’ve noticed that you’re drawing beyond capacity for my son and granddaughter’s magic act on a nightly basis. Perhaps you could see your way clear to increasing their remuneration, if you catch my drift.”

Aaron gently laughed. “Well, I can see where Lindsey gets her feistiness from. Maybe we’ll need to look at that issue. In due time, ladies.”

A black Buick Electra sedan encroached on our space, its wheels throwing up some loose pebbles on the lakeshore drive. It stopped near where Aaron sat atop his horse. After a minute, a beefy man in a dark suit opened the passenger door and a man in a dark blue pinstripe suit, who looked to be in his early fifties, stepped out of the car.

“Felder, we have to talk. Your due date is coming up. I’ve heard squat from you so I decided to come to you and take a close look at the property in question. Do you mind? I don’t want to have to look up at you to talk.”

Aaron dismounted and stood next to the man in the pinstripe suit, still holding the reins in his left hand.

“I’m trying to get the money together, Sal. I need a little more time.”

“Time’s almost up. And when do you get to call me Sal? That’s for friends and family. You’re not that, Felder. Mr. Maranzano, okay, sport? Now get in the car and show me around the place.”

“I can’t just leave the horse here.”

“Hey, ladies, do Felder a favor and take his horse back to the stables.”

After the Buick departed, we looked at each other. Finally, I decided to just walk the horse back to the stables. It wasn’t that far.