“Aww, poor you,” Sonia teases, making me roll my eyes as I fasten my tie. “Your summer of fun was always going to come to an end sooner or later, you knew that.”

“Yeah, ‘fun,’ ” I reply with a snort of laughter, though what I of course don’t want my sister to know is that this has already been one of the best summers of my life.

Admittedly, compared to last summer, anything would be an improvement. Summer 2020 saw me become an orphan, get pulled away from the only home I’ve ever known and dumped in the middle of the largest city in western Europe with no friends, and my only support system being two sisters who made my life a living nightmare growing up, all while harbouring a secret that was tearing me up inside. And as if that wasn’t enough trauma, everything took place in the middle of a once-in-a-century global pandemic that meant that I couldn’t physically get the support I would have done otherwise.

Summer 2021, however, has been like a breath of fresh air. I’ve made friends, good friends who I know genuinely like me for me, Covid rules have eased enough that I’m able to see them regularly, and best of all, one of these new friends has turned into not just a best friend but also a girlfriend. No — even better than that, she’s not just a best friend or even a girlfriend, she’s a friend who has accepted ‘Lisa’ for who she is — or rather, who I am.

However, other than our first ‘date,’ I haven’t had the chance to be ‘Lisa’ again, even for a short period of time. Whenever Bailey and I see each other, it’s either out in public or we’re ‘chaperoned’ at our homes by my sister or her parents, which obviously means that ‘Lisa time’ is not an option. Still, having someone in whom I confide my deepest feelings, and who can trust me with the same in return, has been a lifeline over summer, as has the promise that ‘Lisa time’ is waiting for me whenever the opportunity arises.

…Though over the summer, it’s become apparent that ‘arising’ is becoming a problem for me in a different way. Despite only being fourteen, I already stand at 5’ 11” tall, much taller than Bailey and with a much wider chest than hers, meaning that any clothes I use for ‘Lisa time’ would have to be specifically for me. While Bailey has bought (with my allowance, admittedly) a couple of pieces from charity shops that will fit me, my options are still seriously limited. However, the mere fact that I have options is enough to keep me going for now, as is the fact that I have a girlfriend I can confide in, friends I can rely on — even though I don't trust them with my secret just yet — and a counsellor I still see who, while of limited help, still helps me with my many stresses.

And despite the fact that I am trying to play the moody teenager pretending to hate the fact that I’m going back to school today, the fact that things are better than they were last year isn’t lost on my sister.

“Well, try to enjoy today, at least,” Sonia advises. “You’ll be seeing your friends all day, which is more than can be said for me, heh.”

“Have they told you when you’ll be going back to the office yet?” I ask, hoping that it’ll be soon enough to give me some privacy, even if ‘Lisa time’ is unlikely.

“Not yet,” Sonia replies with a sigh. “Probably not until next year at the earliest, and even then, we’ll be ‘hybrid’ so we’ll still have to work from home some days each week. Great, I think to myself. “Assuming, of course, that Covid doesn’t get any worse and there aren’t more lockdowns.”

“Well — yeah, that’s true, I guess,” I sigh.

“So enjoy this time while you can,” Sonia says as I pull on my coat and grab my school bag. “Well, okay, you’re starting your GCSEs today, but enjoy everything apart from that bit, heh.”

“I will,” I reply truthfully, smiling as I leave the flat to make the short walk to school.

Unlike last year, I at least don’t have the stigma of being ‘the new kid’ attached to me — a year is a long time when you’re a teenager, after all. Instead, I have the stigma of being the ‘honorary girl,’ though at least my relationship with Bailey being common knowledge means I avoid having the ‘gay’ label attached to me. Well, the ‘gay boy’ label, anyway — ‘Lisa’ is very much a gay girl. Though as I walk through the school corridors, I'm reminded that label isn’t that much better.

“Is that the dyke?” One of the girls stood at the side of the corridor whispers loud enough for me to hear- and, crucially, loud enough for the tall blonde girl a few feet ahead of me to hear. While I can’t see her face, I know that Bryony’s face must be bright red with undeserved shame, and the fact that her route to her form takes her past her former best friend can’t help matters. It does, however, help me, as she’s just the girl I wanted to see this morning.

“Hey Sabrina,” I say, chuckling nervously as the tall, pretty freckled girl smiles at me.

“Oh, hey Liam!” Sabrina replies. “Heh, if you were a girl I’d be saying ‘welcome to the black legs club’ today!” Way to remind me that I’m not, I think as I bite my lip and try to keep my feelings to myself — Sabrina does mean well, after all. “Because, like, of the-”

“The fact that year 10 and 11 girls get to wear black tights instead of grey ones,” I interrupt. Even if I’m not ‘supposed’ to know this, it’s still something that obviously sticks in my mind.

“And straight skirts instead of pleated,” Sabrina reminds me as she gestures to the short, stiff garment hanging from her waist. “Though even this is nothing compared to when I’ll finally get to college next year, heh, where we won’t have to wear anything.”

“…You don’t have to wear anything to college?” I ask, smirking as my friend rolls her eyes and gives me a playful shove.

“We won’t have to wear a UNIFORM,” Sabrina corrects herself, before chuckling and rolling her eyes again. “Though on the topic of ‘uniform,’ I’m guessing you want to know how, like, ‘the plan’ is coming along?”

“Please,” I reply with an expectant smile.

“It’s… slow,” Sabrina says with a sigh. “I tried talking to my sister, I explained the situation and she — yeah. She wants to help, especially when I explained it was for B- Bryony as well, but — yeah. There’s only so many favours she can call in. Though we haven’t given up, that’s the main thing. Because in order to teach at the class, you need to be over sixteen, right? And somebody just happens to be turning sixteen this Sunday….” I allow myself an excited giggle at my friend’s implication, not least because I’ve also been invited to the party. It's the first proper girls’ party I’ll attend, and it’s also a ‘sweet sixteen?’ Things are definitely looking up. Even if what my friend is implying is far, far too big an ask.

“You — you want to teach in the class?” I ask in a concerned voice. “Will you have time with your exams and all that shit?”

“Well — not during actual exam times, no,” Sabrina replies. “But the teachers, the owners of the school are both really cool and understanding, and they’re always eager for volunteers to help with the little kids’ class, like, the 5–7-year-olds. And I dunno, I’ve always loved the idea of being a teacher, so — yeah. But on the topic of teachers, mine’s gonna flip if I’m late for form, so see you at the table at break?”

“I’ll be there,” I say with a smile as I head off in the direction of my form, and it doesn’t take long before my smile widens at the sight of my best friend — though it does falter at the sight of her dressed in the same black tights and significantly longer, but otherwise identical grey skirt to Sabrina. Thankfully, Bailey is nothing if not empathetic, and smiles apologetically at me even as she straightens her tights before we sit down at our usual table. We don’t exchange any words as we wait for the start of the lesson — with Bailey’s stammer, I don’t want to put her under pressure, and even though we’ve only been a couple for a short time, it’s almost like we don’t need to exchange words.

Things get louder after our extended form session and first break, though, when we head out to our usual table and find all of our friends waiting for us, all excited about the start of the new year — all except one, who is conspicuously sat on the opposite side of the table to her best friend, the girl I was talking to before form this morning.

“Hi ‘Bailiam!’ “ Lily teases, making both of us blush at her use of our couple portmanteau name as we sit down in our usual spots. “How’s day one of GCSE land been for you?”

“Same as every day of year 9, so far,” I reply, earning a giggle from my friends.

“Yeah, it’s pretty much the same for us,” Molly chuckles. “Same schoolwork as before, only now we’re wearing black tights instead of grey, and the skirts are more comfortable, heh.”

“Those of us wearing tights and skirts, anyway,” Farah says, smiling as Molly gives her a playful hug. Bailey has told me at some length how, while Farah is dedicated to her faith, she often wishes that she could be more feminine — something I obviously sympathise with, even if I can’t tell any of the other girls. Hell, even wearing the girls’ trousers that Farah’s currently wearing would be an improvement….

“We’re all girly and gorgeous, regardless of what we’re wearing,” Sabrina says confidently, overtly avoiding meeting Bryony’s gaze even though this causes her to bite her lip as she meets mine. “ ‘Honorary girls’ excluded, heh.”

“Thanks,” I whisper, eliciting a good-natured giggle from my friends even as Bailey gives my hand a supportive squeeze — though from the look on her face, it’s Bryony who needs the most sympathy right now. Nonetheless, the conversation continues as it always does.

“Anybody regretting taking any subjects yet?” Jo asks, smiling smugly as many of us roll our eyes.

“Does still having to do PE count?” Daisy asks with a loud snort of laughter. “Or having to do any type of technology where I have to do careful things with my hands? Hell, even in drama they’re telling me that we’re going to have to do song and dance routines. It’s like everything is specifically designed to screw over disabled people.” I flash my friend a supportive smile, which I know she’ll appreciate — though what (I hope) she doesn’t know is that Bailey’s already told me that Daisy would love nothing more than to be in a song and dance routine. Or rather, be able to be in one. The knowing smile I exchange with Sabrina tells me that she understands the situation as well — and why our ‘plan’ is so important.

“W- w- wait f- for it,” Bailey whispers to me, confusing me until Lily speaks up again.

“Ooh, and on the topic of ‘dance routines,’ ” Lily says with a giggle. “SOMEONE is going to do one in a big, frilly pink tutu this coming Friday…”

“T- told you,” Bailey whispers, though we both smile as Sabrina blushes — the tradition at the dance school that she, Lily and the others attend is that girls must dance a small routine in a special tutu on the closest lesson to their birthdays, which for Sabrina, is obviously this coming Friday. The fact that this will be the first time the tradition has been done since the start of lockdown just makes the girls at the table all the more excited — well, apart from those who don’t attend the dance school, that is. And one of those who attends the school as well….

“Hey,” I whisper to Bryony, momentarily startling the tall blonde girl. “Are — are you okay?”

“Hmm?” Bryony replies. “Yeah, sure, why?”

“I just — umm, I dunno,” I reply, having (for some reason) not expected Bryony to shut me down like that. “I just want to know, like, if you’re alright, and if you’ll, like, be at the class on Friday?”

“…Maybe,” Bryony replies with a shrug. “I’ve — I’ve actually been kinda thinking, like, of maybe, you know, dropping out of the class….” Before I can reply to this, another voice — who neither Bryony nor I realised was listening — chimes in.

“Oh — what?” Lily asks, looking almost distraught at the news. “Why would you want to drop the class? You’re great at ballet….” I bite my lip as I realise that I’ve inadvertently caused Bryony to be to focus of the table’s conversation — and a glance over at Sabrina shows that she’s feeling just as uncomfortable as I am right now.

“Well I — I’m not ‘great,’ that’s for sure,” Bryony hesitantly replies. “I’m not as good as any of you guys, that’s also for sure. Heh, I’m not even as good as my little sister and she’s only ten! Not to mention the fact that both of us have giant parents meaning she’s already five feet tall, and I’m 5’ 8” in an activity where if you’re any taller than 5’ 3”, you’re gonna have a really hard time of it.”

“…But do you still enjoy it?” Daisy asks, eliciting another sigh from our tall blonde friend.

“Well- yeah, kinda,” Bryony replies. “Okay, pointe is absolute murder on my feet, but the high you get from the actual dancing and the exercise — yeah. Worth it.”

“So- so just do it for fun, as a hobby,” Sabrina suggests, both her and Bryony’s cheeks flushing as they glance at each other across the table. “Nicole and Ash’s friend Megan still went to the class even if she never auditioned for any roles, she did it ‘cause she liked it and also she’s way taller than you, right?”

“Kinda,” Bryony mumbles as tears start to form in her eyes.

“So — so come along, then,” Sabrina says in a hoarse voice, barely louder than a whisper. “I — I’d really like you to be there on Friday. Please?”

“…So I can watch you dress up in a skimpy costume when you know how I feel?” Bryony asks, tears streaking down her face. “I — umm, I — I need the loo, sorry….”

“B- Bryony, wait,” I say, having to physically stop myself from following the tall girl, reasoning that the girls’ toilets are the one place I can’t follow her.

“I — I’ll go, see how she is,” Lily whispers, grabbing her bag and straightening her short skirt before heading after Bryony, with Molly following not far behind.

Unsurprisingly, the table is left in an awkward silence, though it’s broken moment later by the sound of sniffling from the other end.

“S- Sabrina?” Ari asks in her light Polish accent. “Are — are you okay?”

“Not really,” Sabrina moans, prompting all of us to huddle around her as she leans forward and moans into her arms. “God, why — why can’t she just talk to me, for God’s sake? We’ve been best friends for years, and she — she never told me about — about, well, her. If she’d just told me, I could’ve told her I wasn’t interested, we could’ve talked it through, still been friends….”

“Hey, it — it’ll be okay,” Jo whispers.

“It — it will,” I say as I place a tentative hand on my friend’s shoulder, before leaning in to whisper in her ear. “You know why.”

“Y- yeah,” Sabrina whispers, taking a deep, shaky breath to compose herself. “Th- thanks, guys. Heh, you really are an ‘honorary girl,’ Liam. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” I say softly, even as inside, I feel my heart breaking yet again at the use of the word ‘honorary.’

Every time she and I talk about arranging the ‘dream come true’ dance class for Bailey, Daisy and Farah, there’s a part of me that’s desperate to tell her how much I want to be included as well. In all likelihood, she’d say ‘sure,’ make plans for me to be part of the class and keep my secret just as well as Bailey has. And yet, I’m still terrified at the prospect of actually coming out to another of my friends because there’s a chance, however small, that it might blow up in my face. Sabrina’s initial reaction to Bryony coming out was not positive, after all, and while that could easily be down to the specific circumstances — Bryony surprising her with a kiss — it’s still a reminder that there’s no guarantee, never any guarantee that anyone, however friendly they claim to be, will be supportive.

We spend the rest of our break comforting our friend, and my next lesson, Geography, seems to drag for hours thanks to a combination of my worry for my friend and the fact that none of my other friends are in this class with me. Eventually, though, the lunch bell mercifully rings and I waste no time in heading down to the table, where Bailey, Daisy, Lily, Molly, Farah and Ari are all waiting, but the three girls in the year above us are conspicuous by their absence.

“Hey,” I say, biting my lip nervously as I sit down next to Bailey, whose concern seems to have overridden her usual happiness at seeing me. “Where- where are the others?”

“Prefects’ meeting,” Lily replies with a sad smile. “All three of them.”

“That — well, at least they won’t be alone together,” I say with a shrug. “They’ll have something to distract them and… what?” I bite my lip as Lily and Molly regard me with unimpressed stares.

“Maybe not as much of an ‘honorary girl’ as we thought,” Molly snorts, unaware of just how deeply her words cut me.

“What?” I ask, glancing at my girlfriend only to find no sympathy even from her.

“…Aren’t you going to ask how Bryony actually is?” Lily asks in a fierce voice.

“Well — obviously,” I mumble in reply. In truth, that had been my next question, though it’s clear none of the other girls believe me. “H- how is she?”

“Not great,” Lily replies with a sigh. “She’s pretty shaken up, she says she’ll be okay for the rest of the day, but — yeah. I mean, we all know how smart she is, but that doesn’t mean she can just shake everything off, you know?”

“I can’t have helped much either,” I mumble, my cheeks still reddened from my earlier faux pas. “Pressuring her about the class like that, when she’s still not on speaking terms with Sabrina….” I allow myself a frown of confusion as Bailey for some reason bristles, before my other friend continues speaking.

“Nope,” Lily says bluntly, before sighing as she sees the upset look on my face. “But she does still want to go to class tomorrow evening, and she — she does want all of us there too. ALL of us, including ‘honorary girls,’ heh.”

“Us too?” Daisy asks, clearly confused by the request.

“That’s what she said,” Molly replies with a shrug. “Maybe she just wants back-up when she talks to Sabrina, I dunno.” I bite my lip as Bailey once again bristles — I know the topic of the dance class has always been a sensitive one for her. The thought of being around dozens of elegant, slender girls dressed in skimpy leotards must be a source of constant envy for her, just as it is for me. The one consolation is that we now at least know how each other feels — however, as I go to give my girlfriend’s hand a supportive squeeze, she pulls her hands away and crosses both hands in her lap, somewhere she knows I would never dare reach for even with her permission. Hopefully that’s just concern over Covid and not anything I’ve done….

“S- Sabrina will like that too,” I mumble, trying not to frown as Bailey actually starts to fidget. “She seemed really upset at break, so hopefully this’ll, like, make things better?” I start to fidget myself as Lily and Molly look at each other and smile and nod, before looking back at me.

“…Okay, you can be an ‘honorary girl’ again,” Lily giggles. “Assu- assuming that, you know, you want to be, like, you’re comfortable with that?”

“Umm, sure,” I reply, obviously leaving out the fact that I wish I could also drop the ‘honorary’ part. I exchange a brief knowing smile with Bailey — whose hands are still in her lap — before turning back to our friends on the opposite side of the table. “So… what’s the plan?”

“We all go along tomorrow, Bryony and Sabrina talk it through and everyone becomes friends again,” Lily replies with a shrug.

“The school’s some distance away from this school, though,” Molly explains. “So you’re going to need to get a lift from someone. Unless you’re okay riding the tube at rush hour, anyway.”

“Heh, my parents definitely won’t be okay with that,” Farah says with a tired-sounding snort. “I’m not sure they’ll even be okay with me going to the school at all, heh.”

“W- well I’m sure Bryony will understand if you can’t make it,” Lily says gently. “I mean, it is kinda short notice, so-”

“No, I- I want to go,” Farah interrupts. “Bryony would come in a heartbeat if any one of us needed her, wouldn’t she?”

“Half a heartbeat, maybe,” Molly replies with a smirk.

“I’ll work it out with my parents somehow,” Farah insists.

“I’ll have to persuade my sister as well,” I say, my stomach churning at the thought of how I’m going to try to explain to Sonia that I want to spend tomorrow evening at a ballet class. I get enough teasing as it is for only having female friends….

“Ah — yeah, sorry Liam,” Lily says with a sympathetic sigh. “Bit rich me calling you out for being insensitive when I keep forgetting that you — well, yeah….” I bite my lip as I’m (no doubt inadvertently) reminded yet again that out of all the people at this table — out of all of my friends, even — I’m the only one who no longer has two living parents.

“…It’s okay,” I mumble as I try yet again to hold back the tears. “I, umm, I’ll probably need a lift, then, don’t want my sisters to, like, tease me….”

“About going to a dance school, even if it’s just to support a friend?” Molly asks with an angry snort. “Some sisters they are….” And now I also feel guilty for making my friends think that my sisters are jerks, I think to myself. Even if their opinion isn’t completely unfair.

“Well, I WOULD offer a lift from my dad or my sister,” Lily says, “but I kinda don’t want to tread on any ‘boyfriend/girlfriend toes,’ heh.” I bite my lip as Bailey’s cheeks start to flush — normally, the other girls wouldn’t dream of putting her on the spot and teasing her like this, but since our relationship became open, they’ve become more ‘inclusive’ of both of us. Even though we both know that the teasing is good-natured and never meant meanly, Bailey still squirms with embarrassment, and when I try to whisper to her, pulls away from me with an almost angry look on her face.

“I- I- I w- would n- n- need t- to a- ask my p- p- p- parents,” Bailey replies in a hoarse whisper that immediately makes the other girls fidget uncomfortably.

“…I’ll talk to Laura,” Lily says softly, but with a confident smile. “Try to convince her that she owes me a favour, heh. Plus, she obviously doesn’t need directions to the school! She should be okay with giving the three of you a lift.” I smile as Lily gestures to me, Bailey and Farah, even if my girlfriend is still upset for some reason.

“And I’ll talk to Sonia and, I dunno, make up some reason,” I say with a shrug. “If anything, she’d probably say no to the dance studio because of Covid instead of anything else.”

“Meh, we dance wearing masks,” Lily retorts with a shrug. “Really cute ones, too — black, to match our leotards, but with pink writing with our names on, hehe!” I bite my lip — normally this change in the topic of conversation would result in a snarky comment from Bailey about the dancing girls dominating the conversation, but today, she remains silent. And I can’t tell if this is due to how upset she is right now, or because she’s told me she wishes she could be part of this conversation — little knowing, of course, that Sabrina and I are plotting to make her (and Daisy’s and Farah’s) dream a reality…

Despite it not being a ballet night and non-dancing girls outnumbering dancers 4 to 3 (5 to 2 if you include Ari, who attends the school but is in a different class to Lily and Molly), the topic of the dance school still dominates the conversation at the table, though Lily and Molly do at least include us, answering Daisy’s questions about various topics, including the dress code for guests at the school (there isn’t one, though facemasks are still mandatory). Bailey remains quiet for the duration of lunch, which in a way isn’t surprising — the other girls include her despite her stammer so don’t mind her being quiet — but in a way is surprising, given what she told me about her envy of the 'dancing girls.' Considering my own envy of them, though, I can hardly call her out for being a hypocrite, especially considering what I’m planning with Sabrina.

However, this doesn’t prevent Bailey from still being upset as we head to our final class of the day, and she actually seems to get angrier as I approach her.

“H- hey,” I whisper, ignoring the quiet giggles of the nearby idiots who think that my relationship with Bailey is something to make fun of just because neither of us is ‘popular.’ “Are- are you okay?”

“T- talk l- later,” Bailey replies in a voice that is far blunter than I’ve ever heard her use before — especially when talking to me. Something’s clearly got her riled up, but before I can enquire further, Bailey walks away, not even looking back as she rendezvouses with Daisy for their final lesson of the day. As I head toward my next class, I feel a pang in my stomach as I’m forced to wonder whether or not I’m the reason for her foul mood….

Understandably, I have trouble concentrating through my final chemistry lesson of the day, and the time seems to drag until the bell rings to inform me that this crazy day is finally at an end — though if this is just the first day of my penultimate year of school, God only knows what the rest are going to be like.

However, as I step out of the school building and get ready to walk home, I discover that the craziness isn’t over yet when Daisy slowly hobbles toward me- and the look on her face tells me that she isn’t going to say a friendly goodbye to me.

“You’d better have a good reason for what you did,” Daisy hisses to me in a very uncharacteristically quiet voice.

“Wh- what?” I protest, confused by my friend’s sudden hostility. “What did I do? Is — is Bailey okay?”

“Did you know,” Daisy replies, her voice getting even quieter, “that her whole life, Bailey thought that no one would ever want to kiss her? That no one would ever want to love her? Hmm?”

“Well — well, yes, I did know that,” I reply truthfully. “She’s told me that loads of times before, it always breaks my heart to hear talk about herself like that.”

“It also breaks her heart to see her so-called ‘boyfriend’ with someone else,” Daisy growls, before hobbling away, swinging one of her crutches back toward me to caution me against trying to follow her.

It takes me a while to rationalise in my mind what Daisy is saying — Bailey’s boyfriend seeing someone else? But I’m her boyfriend, aren’t I? Well, when I’m not her girlfriend, anyway, which both Bailey and I would prefer me to be. Who else am I meant to be ‘seeing?’

My thoughts stay scrambled on the short walk home, so much so that when I walk through the front door, I’m actually startled when my sister greets me.

“Afternoon!” Sonia says, giggling at my startled reaction. “Wow, not even looking at your phone and you’re still in your own little bubble, heh. Good day at school?”

“Meh, kinda,” I reply with a shrug.

“Wow, a three-word reply,” Sonia says with a sarcastic snort of laughter. “Well, one and a half, really, I doubt I’m gonna find ‘meh’ in any dictionary, and you said ‘kinda’ instead of ‘kind of,’ heh.”

“…Yeah,” I say, before sighing as I drop my bag in the entranceway, take off my shoes and coat and head through to my bedroom, ostensibly to get changed, but the second my door is closed I get out my phone and open up messenger, breathing a sigh of relief when I see that Bailey is online.

‘Hey Bailey,’ I type, hoping that even this simple greeting doesn’t make matters worse. Someone else? I think to myself again. Who? When, even? Bailey and I have been together for most of the day other than when we’ve been in lessons, and we’re constantly either hanging out together or chatting at weekends….

‘Hello Liam,’ Bailey’s reply pings onto my phone, snapping me back to reality and making me wince at its formality.

‘Whatever you’ve heard about me isn’t true,’ I hastily type, my hands starting to shake with nerves. If Bailey doesn’t believe me, and she wants to get revenge on me, she’s got a hell of an easy way to make my life at school miserable… ‘I am not seeing anyone else, you’re the only girl I want to be my girlfriend, honestly. Whatever you’ve been told isn’t true.’

‘What about what I saw with my own eyes?’ Bailey asks, nearly making me drop my phone. What could she possibly have seen!?

‘I don’t know what you mean,’ I reply, even though the second I send the message, I know it’s going to cause more problems than it solves.

‘Of course you don’t,’ comes Bailey’s predictable reply. ‘You OR Sabrina.’ Sabrina!? I think to myself. She thinks I’m cheating on her with Sabrina!? Okay, Sabrina IS pretty, and we are friends, and we have been talking a lot about the surprise we have planned for Bailey and — ah. It’s no wonder Bailey thinks that Sabrina and I have been sneaking around behind her back when we HAVE been sneaking around behind her back — just not in the way she thinks. Though this is going to be a nightmare to try to explain without giving away the surprise….

‘I am not seeing Sabrina behind your back,’ I type defiantly.

‘No, you’re doing it in front of my face,’ Bailey types, and I can almost hear the anguish in her words, especially after Daisy’s angry rant at me earlier today.

‘Not that either,’ I hastily type, not even caring about the grammar or punctuation of my message. ‘Sabrina’s my friend, but you’re my girlfriend, and that means more.’

‘Then what did you whisper to her at break?’ Bailey asks as I try to remember back as far as break, what we were talking about and if I did indeed whisper in her ear — which I now realise I, of course, did. When Sabrina was crying about the damage to her friendship with Bryony, and I reminded her about our plan and how it should repair any and all ‘fractures’ in the group… such as the one that’s rapidly growing between myself and Bailey right now. And the only way I can repair the facture is by telling Bailey what we’re planning and ruining the surprise — and knowing her, she’d spend all the time before the lesson trying to think of a way to back out of it, which means that Daisy wouldn’t go either, or Farah… or ‘Lisa.’

Then again, without Bailey, I’d have no opportunity to be ‘Lisa, meaning I need to come up with an excuse that Bailey will accept, that won’t give away the secret and will still leave me able to talk with Sabrina about the secret.

‘It’s complicated,’ I reply, wincing at the feebleness of my message immediately after I send it. ‘Me and Sabrina are working on something together.’

‘Working on what?’ Bailey asks, making me sigh despite the inevitability of the question. ‘It can’t be schoolwork, you’re in different years.’ That’s true, I think to myself, before sighing again — there really is no way out of this other than the truth.

‘It’s a surprise,’ I reply. ‘For you and the other ‘misfits.’ We wanted to do something nice.’

‘Why should I believe you?’ Bailey asks as I start to fidget uncontrollably. ‘Why should I trust you?’ Just as my anxiety starts to break into full-blown panic, an answer to Bailey’s question immediately presents itself to me — and not just ‘an’ answer, but the most perfect answer, an answer even she can’t argue against.

‘Because I trusted you with ‘Lisa,’ ’ I reply. ‘You’re the only person I trusted with that secret, not anyone else and certainly not Sabrina. If you asked her about the significance of that name, she wouldn’t be able to tell you it.’ I pause, my heart still racing as the conversation briefly goes quiet, only for Bailey’s 'typing' notification to return a minute later.

‘I asked her,’ Bailey types. ‘She’s never heard of anyone called ‘Lisa.’ And no, I didn’t spill the beans to her.’

‘So do you believe me?’ I ask, hoping my question isn’t too blunt — it is the most important question, after all.

‘Yes,’ Bailey replies, and the sigh of relief I let out is go great I almost throw up. ‘I’m sorry I doubted you, but it’s hard to not be paranoid when you’re dating one of the cutest boys in school when you’re one of the ugliest girls.’ Once again, my heart breaks when I hear Bailey describe herself in this manner, and as boyfriend — or girlfriend, or even simply just ‘friend’ — I feel obliged to correct her.

‘You are NOT one of the ugly girls!’ I reply with a ‘hugging’ emoji. ‘Who told you that?’

‘Tia,’ Bailey replies with a ‘sad’ emoji as my own emotions change from sympathy and heartbreak to anger and outrage — if there’s anyone else who should know about obnoxious older siblings, it’s me. ‘She said that no boy who had any self-respect would ever be seen dead with a nerd like me, and that you’re only using me to get closer to one of my prettier friends.’

‘Who the fuck is she to talk to you like that?’ I ask, my anger starting to boil over. ‘What did your parents say?’

‘Nothing,’ Bailey replies with a ‘sad’ emoji. ‘She’d just been dumped by her boyfriend, so she needed someone to take it out on. I think the fact that I’m in a relationship and she isn’t drove her mad, I don’t know.’

‘That doesn’t give her the right to take it out on you, though,’ I insist.

‘Meh, as long as I’ve helped her feel better, I suppose,’ Bailey types, making my heart break once again.

‘Your feelings are just as important,’ I type. ‘And I’m sorry again if I hurt them today.’

‘Your feelings are important too,’ Bailey retorts. ‘I’m sorry if my paranoia hurt them, too. And I’ll talk to Daisy and explain everything, so she won’t jump down your throat about it tomorrow. Sorry also about that.’

‘It’s okay,’ I type with a ‘smiling’ emoji, glad this awkwardness has been put behind us, even if my ‘involvement’ with Sabrina hasn’t ended yet. ‘And I promise you that nothing’s going on with me and Sabrina or ever will. I am only, ONLY interested in you. And if you’re having problems with your sister in future, please talk to me about it? You know I of all people will sympathise, and even if you ignore my own circumstances I’d be a pretty poor boyfriend if I didn’t. Heh, and an even worse girlfriend.’ Thankfully, this earns a ‘smiling’ emoji of my own from Bailey, a sure sign that everything is indeed back to normal. ‘Are you still up for going to the dance school tomorrow night? I haven’t asked my sister yet, but I think she’ll be okay with it.’

‘I’ll ask my parents now,’ Bailey replies as I fidget uncomfortably and realise that I’m also going to have to ask Sonia — and I’m also inevitably going to have to explain why I entered the flat and immediately went into my room with my phone.

Sure enough, when I emerge from my room, my sister is staring at me with her arms folded and a stern expression on her face.

‘Brb,’ I hastily type to my girlfriend before sitting down on the sofa opposite my sister, whose glare remains fixed on me [wording].

“…Hi,” I say, rolling my eyes as Sonia responds with an over-the-top shocked face.

“Oh, well, he IS talking to me, then?” Sonia says, letting out a tired snort of laughter as my cheeks redden with shame. “Or does it really take you a quarter of an hour to NOT get changed?” I bite my lip as I realise that I am indeed still wearing my school uniform.

“…Sorry,” I mumble as I try to think of an excuse, before deciding that I may as well the truth- she’d inevitably keep trying to pry it out of me anyway if I did make something up. “Me and Bailey had, like, a falling out at school….”

“Oh, is this — is this your first break-up?” Sonia asks, a wide grin spreading across her face as I grip the sofa cushion tightly, my anger starting to boil over. Is me breaking up with my girlfriend really a cause for celebration for her?

“We chatted and we patched things up,” I reply, my anger levels still rising as a look of disappointment spreads across Sonia’s face. I may as well take this opportunity to break the rest of the news to hear. “We — we’re going to be hanging out tomorrow evening, after dinner. One of our friends will be picking me up. Hope that’s okay?”

“Sure,” Sonia replies with a shrug. “As long as you wear a mask and your friends have all tested negative then I don’t see why not, and you don’t need to ask my permission. You’re fourteen, not a little kid.” Really? I think to myself. Some days you don’t seem too sure about that…. “I didn’t know when you’d be out of there, by the way, so I haven’t started anything for dinner. When you’re hungry, grab yourself a ready meal from the freezer and heat it up.”

“Okay,” I reply with a shrug. That was easier than I’d expected, at least, and it shows that Sonia IS capable of not treating me like a little kid. When it suits her, anyway….

Unsurprisingly, it takes my appetite a while to return after my chat with Bailey, so I end up eating and doing the washing-up while Sonia watches Pointless, after which I return to my room. As it was only the first day of the school year today, I don’t have any homework, but I have a brief look through what work I did today just to reassure myself that I have spent at least part of the evening productively. Once that’s done, I switch on my PlayStation 4 and settle in for an evening of gaming, grinning as I immediately get a game group chat request.

“Hey Liam!” Lily’s giggling voice greets me through my headset. “You needed some game time after school as well, then?”

“School AND sister,” I reply with a snort.

“Ugh, I hear that,” Lily snorts. “Laura’s not back at uni for another couple of weeks so I practically had to throw her off the PS4 to get a turn on it. A bit bad considering it is technically her console, but whatever, heh.”

“…That doesn’t fill me with a lot of confidence that you’ll be able to blag a lift off her tomorrow, then?” I ask, my anxiety levels starting to rise again.

“Oh, whatever,” Lily snorts. “Me, Jo and Molly usually get a lift from Molly’s dad anyway.” Forgetting something, Lily? I think to myself.

“…Which doesn’t leave a lot of room for-” I hesitantly retort.

“Which doesn’t leave a lot of room for you, Bailey, Daisy and Farah,” Lily interrupts with clear pain in her voice at her mistake. “Ugh, I am SO sorry, Liam. I swear I am never going to have a go at you again for being quote-unquote ‘unsympathetic.’ ”

“Meh, it’s been a long day,” I say with a shrug. “Kinda like a shock to the system, you know? Especially with starting GCSEs and everything.”

“Ugh, tell me about it,” Lily snorts. “It’s almost like starting a new school, especially with the change in uniform. Still, at least straighter skirts are easier to roll up, hehe! Even if I did get it in the neck from my mum when I came home for my skirt being too short.” And I’m glad that this conversation is audio only, so you can’t see me fidget uncomfortably — or see my cheeks turn green with envy at merely having a skirt to roll up….

“Yeah,” I mumble, blushing as Lily giggles.

“Sorry, sorry,” Lily says with a snort of laughter. “I know you don’t want to hear about my fashion choices, hehe! Especially when you should be hearing about your actual girlfriend’s instead, heh.” I can’t help but blush more as I sense a twinge of disappointment in Lily’s voice — it’s the school’s worst-kept secret that she had (or maybe even still has) a crush on me, though whether or not the same can be said for ‘Lisa’ is anyone’s guess. It’s also something I don’t need to spend time worrying about, as Lily’s next sentence reminds me. “Speaking of which, is Bailey okay with you spending your time chatting with me?” Despite the teasing nature of my friend’s voice, I can’t help but flinch as I remember this afternoon's argument.

“Ah — you, umm, you heard about that, then?” I ask.

“…Heard about what?” Lily asks, eliciting a low groan from me — of course Bailey, probably the most ‘guarded’ person in the entire school, wouldn’t blab to everyone about me ‘cheating’ on her. It probably took all of her willpower to simply tell Daisy….

“Oh — erm, nothing,” I mumble in reply. “Me and Bailey had a little, like, disagreement, that’s all.”

“Aww, what?” Lily asks, clearly upset by the news. “You two are great together….”

“It’s not like — it’s not like we broke up, or anything,” I say, earning a sigh of relief from my friend. “We just had a little disagreement, we chatted, we’re fine now. I think. I hope.”

“When did you last speak to her?” Lily asks.

“Umm, well, we texted before dinner,” I reply. “Just to sort things out. Why?”

“Liam…” Lily replies with a tired-sounding sigh. “Girl to honorary girl, switch off your PlayStation and pay attention to your girlfriend, okay?”

“Umm, but you know Bailey doesn’t like being the centre of attention, right?” I ask.

“In a big group, sure,” Lily replies. “But when it’s one-on-one… let’s just say that honorary girl or not, you — heh. I’ve been banned from saying the phrase ‘man up’ in this house, and with good reason, so let’s just say ‘step up,’ okay?”

“Got it,” I reply with a chuckle as I reach for my phone and type out a message to my girlfriend. “Even if this is probably the last homework-free night we have for the next two years.”

“Ugh, tell me about it,” Lily snorts. “Actually, better yet, tell Bailey about it! Not that I’m trying to get rid of you, I’m just trying to keep the two of you together, heh.”

“Yes, yes,” I snort as my friend giggles. “I am kinda new to the whole ‘boyfriend’ thing, you know?” Not to mention unwilling at the whole ‘boy’ aspect of it, I think to myself. Good job my girlfriend is okay with me being both an honorary and ‘non-honorary’ girlfriend….

“Excuses, excuses,” Lily teases me. “I don’t have any experience with the whole ‘girlfriend’ thing but you’re still listening to my advice, aren’t you?”

“Yes, yes,” I repeat, earning another giggle from my friend. “And I know I’d a million per cent rather go to you for advice than either of my sisters, heh.”

“Ugh, can sympathise,” Lily snorts. “Even though she’s only been my big sister for a few years, there are some days I could happily strangle her. Which… which makes it all the more frustrating that I now need to ask her for a favour, heh.”

“Oh — really, I’m sure we can find another-” I try to retort.

“Nah, I promised this afternoon, didn’t I?” Lily replies. “And it’d be kinda appropriate, you know? I never seriously studied ballet before meeting Laura, so — yeah, heh. If that makes sense?”

“Maybe a little,” I reply, before smiling as Bailey replies to my text message=. “I’ve just got a reply from Bailey and….”

“Got to go?” Lily asks with a giggle. “I understand. Well, would if I had a boyfriend myself, heh. Though from what you’ve told me about the other boys in the school, I am NOT missing anything there!”

“Yeah, they don’t have a high combined IQ, heh,” I reply. “You never… never thought about, like, joining Bryony’s ‘team?’ ” I bite my lip as my friend pauses, hopefully to consider her response rather than being shocked or offended into silence. She’s always been supportive of LGBT people, thanks in large part to her sister, but that doesn’t mean she won’t take offence when 'accused' of being LGBT herself.

“ ‘…Thought about,’ maybe a little,” Lily replies, audibly choosing her words as carefully as I did. “But — nah. Boys are sexier, hehe! Just — maybe not the morons who worship idiots like Andrew Tate or whatever. Sensitive boys. There are a few around.”

“Boys who don’t mind being called ‘honorary girls?’ “ I ask.

“Exactly,” Lily giggles. “Bailey was lucky when she started going out with you. But you were luckier! So start paying her some attention!”

“Yes, ma’am!” I reply, earning a final giggle from my friend as I log out of my PS4 and turn my attention back to my phone.

‘Hi Liam,’ Bailey’s message reads. ‘Can’t chat for long as am in the living room and my sister’s coming round in a bit.’

‘My sympathies,’ I type with a ‘hugging’ emoji, which earns a ‘laughing’ reaction from my girlfriend. ‘How are you?’ A bit of a lame way to continue the conversation, I think to myself, but it’ll have to do.

‘I’m okay,’ Bailey replies. ‘Much happier now that we’ve sorted out the whole Sabrina thing. I can’t really expect you to not have girls as friends when our friends are all the same people and they’re all girls.’

‘And I’d be okay with you being friends with any boys from school, if they didn’t all suck,’ I reply, earning another ‘laughing’ reaction.

‘Well… there IS one boy,’ Bailey replies with a winking emoji as I feel my body start to tense up. ‘But as he’d rather be known as ‘Lisa,’ I don’t think ‘he’ counts?’

‘Nope!’ I reply with a ‘giggling’ emoji of my own as I once again decompress.

‘I really wish I could help ‘Lisa’ be a more regular thing,’ Bailey types. ‘The one time I met the real you was amazing.’

‘I really wish I could help you more to achieve your dreams,’ I reply, knowing full well that I’m conspiring with Sabrina to accomplish just that.

‘I never dreamed I get a boyfriend — okay, girlfriend — before Lily did, for one thing,’ Bailey retorts. ‘So you’ve definitely ‘repaid’ me plenty already.’

‘I disagree,’ I type. ‘All those years my sisters forced ‘Lisa’ on me, then all my years obsessing over being ‘Lisa’ made me think I was losing my mind. Then I got to be your Lisa rather than their Lisa, and I knew that was who I needed to be. That’s a really, really big deal.’

‘You’re welcome,’ Bailey replies with a ‘warm smile’ emoji. ‘Ugh, got to go now, Tia just showed up. Talk tomorrow, okay?’

‘You got it!’ I reply, smiling and laying back on my bed as Bailey goes offline.

Once again finding myself at a loose end, instead of switching my PS4 back on I instead browse through my friends list to see if anyone else is online, smirking as I see that, as Bailey and I just discussed, all of my ‘top friends’ are indeed girls. And the only one that’s currently online is the girl who unknowingly got me in a huge amount of trouble today — and who I should probably inform about the trouble she might still have heading her way.

‘Hey Sabrina,’ I type into my phone, and I don’t have to wait long for a response.

‘Hey Liam!’ The soon to be sixteen-year-old girl replies. ‘What’s up? ‘Fraid I’ve got no more news on ‘Operation First Dance Lesson,’ maybe when I start teaching the little ones in a couple of weeks and I get to know more about how the school works.’

‘Yeah, about that,’ I type, pausing as I ponder how to word my next message.

‘PLEASE tell me Bailey hasn’t sussed out what we’re doing?’ Sabrina asks. ‘I know she’s your girlfriend, and I love her too, but she has this really annoying thing where she pokes her nose in and figures out stuff she’s not supposed to.’

‘Yeah, she’s really smart,’ I say with a smile, before sighing. ‘She hasn’t figured out what we’re doing, though, but kinda got the wrong end of the stick. When she saw me whispering to you today at break, she thought that we were kinda a ‘thing.’ ’

‘What, seriously?’ Sabrina asks with a ‘laughing’ emoji that makes me squirm uncomfortably. ‘I mean, no offence, Liam, if we weren’t friends then maybe, but you’ve kinda been an ‘honorary girl’ too long for me to not see you that way, if that makes sense? And obviously no offence intended.’ Bit late for that, but I’ve had enough arguments for one day, I think to myself as I compose my reply.

‘Yeah lol,’ I type, hoping to keep my feelings as guarded as I can. ‘I’m just letting you know in case you get any grief for it tomorrow or have had any messages from Daisy or anyone.’

‘Nope, your message is the first I’ve had all evening,’ Sabrina replies. ‘I’m sure we’ll get back into the habit of big evening group chats once we’re a bit further into the school year. I hope we will, anyway.’

‘Because of Bryony?’ I ask, biting my lip as Sabrina puts a ‘crying’ reaction on my question.

‘I almost wish I WAS gay, if it means we’re not falling out anymore,’ Sabrina replies. ‘I never really expected to be friends with her at all, our big sisters were friends and we just sort-of hung out together at ballet class, but then we went to the same secondary school and I genuinely, really got to love her — but only as a friend.’

‘That does still sound cool though,’ I type.

‘Thanks,’ Sabrina replies with a ‘smiling’ emoji. ‘And thanks for listening, most boys really would have just zoned out after the first word lol. Lily’s not kidding when she calls you an honorary girl!’ I bite my lip as Sabrina adds a ‘laughing’ emoji to the end of her message, even though I know it was meant kindly instead of — well, instead of the way my sisters would’ve meant it. ‘And you and Bailey make such a cool couple. It’s SERIOUSLY cool how you’re going out of your way for her and the others with the dance lesson. I just hope the girls appreciate it. Lol I wish there was something the same I could do for YOU to reward the effort.’ Yeah, about that… I think to myself, briefly wondering if I can trust Sabrina enough to come out to her right here and now, before realising that I still need to re-earn Bailey’s trust first.

‘You’re putting in as much effort as I am, probably more,’ I type.

‘Yeah, but I’ve known Bailey, Daisy and Farah longer than you have,’ Sabrina retorts. ‘And it’s no effort for me, like I said I love the idea of teaching, especially if it means Nicole won’t be teaching me anymore!’

‘Annoying big sisters, yep, been there,’ I type, earning a ‘giggling’ reaction from my friend.

‘I think out of the ten of us, only Daisy and Molly DON’T have an older sister,’ Sabrina types. ‘Fun when you want to share clothes and make-up, total pain in the arse at all other times lol.’

‘Yep,’ I reply.

‘Ah — sorry Liam, that probably doesn’t apply to you,’ Sabrina types with another ‘giggling’ emoji. ‘You have to put up with all of the grief and none of the good stuff lol.’ To put it mildly, I think with a shiver.

‘Nah, it’s cool,’ I type, even as I let out a sad sigh.

‘We’re ALL cool,’ Sabrina types with a ‘smug’ emoji. ‘Especially you and Bailey.’

‘I think literally everyone outside our group would disagree with that,’ I retort. ‘Nothing uncooler than being a misfit.’

‘Other than NOT being a ‘misfit,’ ’ Sabrina insists. ‘Who wants to be part of a group where everyone’s the same all the time? Eww, no thanks. So what if being a ‘misfit’ makes you unpopular with all the plastic kids? You’re great friends, and there’s nothing cooler than friendship.’

‘Amen,’ I type, earning another ‘giggling’ reaction from my friend.

‘G2G now,’ Sabrina types. ‘As annoying as Nicole is, I do kind need to observe her teaching if I’m going to make this plan work.’

‘And you said it was minimal effort?’ I ask, smirking at yet another ‘giggling’ reaction. ‘See you at the table tomorrow!’

‘Bye!’ Sabrina types before logging out of messenger and leaving me by myself once again — though with all the chatting I’ve been doing today with my friends, I feel far from alone.

I started last year as the outsider, the loner who didn't know who he was, where he was or what the future held. Now I know I’m part of a group of friends far closer than any others I have ever had, and not only do they accept me as an honorary girl, one of them — the most special friend — accepts me as a girl without any qualifiers. Even if actually making that a physical reality is far more difficult than I’d prefer….

Nonetheless, the fact that I am unquestionably a part of the group is reinforced the following morning when I arrive at school and am greeted by Daisy, who has a deeply remorseful look on her face as she hobbles toward me.

“H- hi, Liam,” Daisy says in a voice even quieter than when she was telling me off yesterday. “B- Bailey told me you spoke last night, and I- I’m sorry if-”

“Honestly, it — it’s okay,” I interrupt, bringing a genuine smile to my friend’s face. “You were only looking out for Bailey and — yeah.” I allow myself a wide grin as the girl in question walks up to me, the customary shy grin on her face widening as we briefly hold hands before bidding farewell to our friend and heading together toward form.

Compared to yesterday, the first two lessons of the day fly by, and before long Bailey and I are sat in our usual spots at our usual table, surrounded by our usual friends — or rather, most of them, with Sabrina, Bryony and Jo again being conspicuous by their absence.

“Hey girlies,” Molly says to Daisy and Ari, the last of us to arrive, as they sit down. “It’s just us today, the other three are off being ‘grown-ups,’ heh.”

“Have you talked to Sabrina or Bryony yet today?” Daisy asks with clear concern in her voice- thankfully, from what Sabrina told me last night, the two girls didn’t have a run-in, but Daisy still clearly feels guilty about yesterday.

“Not yet,” Lily replies. “Hopefully at lunch, but we definitely will tonight… which I have some good news about, hehe! I’ve spoken to Laura, and she’s agreed to give three of you a lift.”

“And my parents will give a lift to anyone else who needs one,” Molly says, sharing her best friend’s smile. “Assuming that you all still do want to come along tonight, that is?”

“For Bryony? Hell yeah, I do!” Daisy exclaims, and I can’t help but exchange a glance with my girlfriend, knowing what I know now about why, and more importantly, how Daisy really wants to attend the school.

“For Bryony,” Farah echoes with a defiant nod.

“Absolutely, I’ll be there,” Ari says with clear determination in her voice.

“F- f- for B- B- Br-” Bailey stammers, her whole body seemingly trembling with anticipation.

“For Bryony,” I say, giving my girlfriend’s hand a supportive squeeze as she smiles at me.

“A- a- and S- Sabrina,” Bailey says, exchanging a smile with me and an almost guilty-looking smile with Daisy.

“All of you are seriously AWESOME,” Lily gushes with a happy smile. “The sooner we get those two properly talking again, the happier I think everyone will be.”

“But aren’t we risking, like, crowding them out?” I ask hesitantly. “Like, if we all stare them down and order them to sort it out then and there?” I pause as the girls sat opposite me just stare, making my cheeks start to redden. “…Let me guess: hand over my ‘honorary girl’ badge again?”

“Meh… I’ll let you off this time,” Lily replies with a sympathetic smile. “As you are, like, genuinely concerned. But Bryony explicitly said that she wanted us all there tonight. Like, as backup. I really get the feeling that if we’re not there, she’ll probably just bail.”

“She was talking about dropping ballet entirely,” Ari muses with a sad sigh.

“And we’ve sat back and watched them not sort their shit out for three months now,” Molly explains. “Something’s gotta be done. And here isn’t the right place for it, it needs to be somewhere, like, ‘safe’ for both of them.”

“You’ve seen some of the shit Bryony’s had to put up with the last couple of days, right?” Lily whispers, smiling again as I nod. “Let’s not add any fuel to THAT fire. The dance school is openly LGBT friendly — God knows my sister had a helping hand in the school earning THAT reputation, heh.” And in this school being known as ‘the trans school,’ but not in a positive sense, I think to myself as I exchange another smile with my friend.

“Bryony’s sister, too,” Molly muses. “But anyway — yeah. Hopefully after tonight, things will be a little less ‘tense’ between the two of them.”

“Cool,” I say. “Is there, like, a dress code or anything for the school?” I bite my lip as Lily and Molly share a giggle between them- clearly, I’ve stumbled across an in-joke or something.

“…No one’s going to make you wear a leotard,” Molly teases, giggling as my cheeks flush — as do Bailey’s, both of us clearly thinking the same thing — that that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing. “Just wear your casual clothes. I don’t think they make any leotards in your size anyway, heh.”

“No, they do,” Lily says. “Laura’s best friend’s as tall as Liam. Taller, probably. Okay, she has longer legs than Liam, but still… we’re making our ‘honorary girl’ blush maybe a little TOO much, hehe!”

“Sorry about that, Liam,” Molly giggles. “I know that when we get talking about dance class, we can be a bit… enthusiastic, hehe! So never be afraid to interrupt us if we go off on one. That applies to girls and honorary girls, hehe!”

“Nah, I don’t mind listening,” Daisy says with a grin. “If I ever get too jealous, though, can you talk about how much it hurts to dance on your toes?”

“D’aww,” Molly says with a giggle as she reaches across to give the disabled girl a gentle hug. “And trust me, there are some evenings we go on about that for HOURS.”

“Especially Bryony,” Lily sighs. “She gets it REALLY bad, especially around THAT time of the month, heh.”

“Annnnnnd NOW would be a good time to stop listening, Liam,” Molly teases, she and the other girls giggling as my cheeks flush and I pretend to be distracted by something else.

I still manage to catch plenty of the conversation, though — in particular, the part where Lily tells us that her sister sometimes gets bad monthly cramping as well, despite being born male. While this should no doubt put me off from wanting to be a girl, if anything, it actually makes me yearn for it all the more. I want to share in every female experience — not just the clothes, the make-up, the hobbies and the friendships, but all of the 'struggles' as well. All I want is to be part of this wonderful world… which makes me crash back down to reality all the harder when after lunch, I head into the PE changing rooms to change into my rugby kit while Lily, Molly and several other girls change into their multi-coloured gymnastics leotards.

Nonetheless, I’m able to endure the ‘lesson,’ and before long I’ve showered, changed back into my regular uniform and am heading back to the table, where discussion is already in full swing — even though the two girls sat at opposite ends of the table are notably not participating in the discussion.

“Hi Liam!” Daisy yells her customary greeting at me as I slide into my seat between her and Bailey. “Did you enjoy PE?”

“What do you think?” I reply with a snort, which elicits a loud shriek of laughter from my friend and sympathetic smiles from the other girls.

“I would honestly DIE if I had to do rugby,” Lily says with a dramatic sigh. “Like, what exactly do we learn from being forced to do team sports we hate?”

“I dunno,” Jo replies with a shrug. “Fitness, maybe?”

“Which we get anyway when do sports we DO like,” Lily retorts. “And we don’t learn fitness playing netball, we just, like, learn the rules of netball. Or rugby in the case of Liam, who I’d like to point out is very much NOT unfit. And I now know that that’s something Bailey should’ve said and not me, heh.”

“Y- you’re f- f- forgiven,” Bailey says with a smug smirk that makes Lily roll her eyes and giggle. “Th- this t- time.”

“I’m staying out of this,” I say, earning more giggles — though notably, not from either Bryony or Sabrina. “Anyway… is everyone looking forward to tonight?”

“Of course,” Jo replies with a smile, though all Bryony and Sabrina can manage is a small flicker of a smirk. “It’s gonna be cool, the whole gang being there tonight, especially after Covid.”

“Might even wear my leotard,” Ari giggles. “Even if it is purple and not black.” I giggle along with the girls at Ari’s joke, having long since learned that different coloured leotards denote different classes at different skill levels. For the girls, anyway — which, in fairness, is all I really care about.

“Knowing Ms Fullerton, she’ll probably insist on it,” Lily says with a giggle. “She’ll probably hand out fliers to all ‘guests’ as well, just be warned, heh.”

“Yeah, she’s really going to take one look at my crutches and think ‘there’s the next Darcey Bussell,’ ” Daisy says with a sad snort of laughter, earning sympathetic sighs from the rest of the table, myself included.

“There’s no — there’s no real reason why not,” Sabrina says hesitantly, biting her lip as Daisy snorts angrily.

“Uh — yeah, there really is,” the disabled girl retorts. “How am I mean to do a plie or whatever when I can’t even support my weight on my feet without holding onto something?”

“Well, plies are normally practised while holding onto the barre anyway,” Sabrina replies, before biting her lip under Daisy’s withering stare. “But — you know, disability doesn’t have to be a handicap — umm, okay, bad wording, but I mean, like, there’s this girl in America, Gabi something, who had her leg amputated above the knee and she’s still a dancer.”

“Presumably her other leg still works properly, though?” Daisy replies, the sadness in her voice clear for everyone to hear. “I’d rather not go somewhere I know I’m gonna be laughed at, thank you very much.”

“No one, and I really do mean NO ONE would laugh at you at that school,” Lily interjects. “Ms Fullerton has an absolute zero tolerance rule when it comes to bullying.”

“It really is a safe space for everyone,” Sabrina says, briefly exchanging a glance with me to let me know she's still actively thinking about our 'scheme.' “Regardless of disability, nationality, skin colour… LGBT status, even….” I bite my lip and a shiver runs down my spine as Bryony and Sabrina’s eyes briefly meet, only for them to quickly avert their gaze yet again.

“Anyway,” Lily says, smiling in an attempt to lighten the mood at the table. “Classes start at 7pm so if you could all try to be there for 6:40pm it’d be great, there will be seating at the side of the class but obviously you’ll all have to wear masks, sorry!”

“Ms Fullerton has asthma and is really paranoid about Covid,” Molly explains. “Actually, she has a lot of health issues, come to think of it, like, allergies and stuff.”

“Okay,” Daisy says with a shrug. “I do still wish there was an Angel with a more ‘visible’ disability, though.”

“Thinking of applying for ‘So You Want to be an Angel’ yourself in 2025, then?” Farah teases her friend, who replies with an exaggerated eye roll.

“Can you imagine me doing the keep fit challenge?” Daisy replies with a snort of laughter. “It’d be even worse than me trying to do ballet…”

“My sister nearly applied for the show this year, though,” Sabrina interjects, clearly trying to change the topic to spare Daisy’s blushes. “But as she works for the gym owned by Heavenly Talent, she wasn’t eligible to, so — yeah.”

“And Laura TOTALLY would’ve entered if she wasn’t already signed to them,” Lily snorts. “Probably would’ve camped outside the mansion, heh.”

“Gonna be fun meeting her tonight, then,” I say, earning a giggle and an eye roll from my friend.

“Should we tell her you said that?” Farah teases Lily, who rolls her eyes and giggles again.

“It’s nothing I haven’t said to her face, like, a thousand times already,” Lily replies. “I mean, I love her, she’s my sister, but she CAN be a bit much, you know?”

“Big sisters being a bit much?” I ask with a snort. “Can imagine….”

The chat continues uninterrupted for the rest of lunch, with plenty of laughter from the ten of us — or rather, the eight of us not sat at the ends of the table. Eventually, though, lunch ends and we go our separate ways to our final lessons of the day, and eagerness over tonight causes the lesson, as expected, to drag. I let out a quiet sigh of relief when the bell rings and the school day finally ends, and like yesterday, I’m intercepted on my way out of school by Daisy — though unlike yesterday, she has a smile on her face, and she’s not alone.

“Hi Liam!” Daisy yells excitedly as I approach both her and my girlfriend, gently taking the hand of the latter. “Are you looking forward to tonight?”

“Definitely,” I reply with a smile. “I really can’t wait to get things back to — well, normal, I guess, under the circumstances with the whole Covid thing and, like, Bryony being out, I guess.”

“I know what you mean,” Daisy says with a dramatic sigh. “So what if she’s gay? The sooner everyone stops having a stick up their arse about the whole ‘gay’ thing or ‘trans’ thing, the better the world will be.”

“Couldn’t agree more,” I say with a smile as Bailey squeezes my hand a little tighter. “And the idea of a place that’s guaranteed to be safe, like the dance school, it — it’s cool, you know?”

“REALLY cool,” Daisy gushes. “Just a shame I’m never gonna fit in there, heh.”

“M- me either,” Bailey sighs. “B- but at l- least w- we know w- we’ll b- b- be welc- come.”

“And it’ll be a nice change,” Daisy shrugs. “For one night only, I mean. Just to, like, see what the school’s like, sort of thing….” Despite her best efforts, the disappointment in Daisy’s voice is obvious even to me.

“Well, I — I’ll see you there!” I say, immediately improving my friend’s mood as she hobbles off toward her parents’ car. “And I’ll see you tonight, okay?”

“O- okay,” Bailey whispers, before we exchange a quick, stealthy kiss (so as not to attract attention from the more troglodyte-like kids in the school) and she heads to her parents’ car while I embark on the short walk home.

Unsurprisingly, anticipation of tonight is in the forefront of my mind on the way home and even as I walk through the front door — which my sister, of course, immediately picks up on.

“You’re looking happier than you did yesterday afternoon,” Sonia says, giggling as I roll my eyes at her comment. “I take it everything’s okay in lovey-dovey world?”

“If you’re referring to me and Bailey, then yes, everything’s fine,” I reply. “Like I told you yesterday evening.”

“Okay, okay,” Sonia protests. “By the way, Melanie’s going to be dropping round later after work.” I briefly shudder at the prospect, before smirking as I remember that for the first time in what feels like forever, I actually have plans of my own.

“Guess it’ll be just the two of you, then,” I retort. “I told you yesterday evening that I’m going to — umm, hang out with friends.”

“Yeah, but you can do that anytime,” Sonia snorts dismissively. “We don’t get to see Mel that often and it’ll be nice for the three of us to talk for once.” Nice for you and her, maybe, I think to myself.

“We’ve got something special planned tonight,” I say firmly. “Something I promised to be at, to help one of my friends who’s been having trouble lately.”

“Ask them if they can do it some other time, then,” Sonia says, barely even looking up as she types into her work laptop. “You DO know that Melanie is the only family we have left, right?” Yes, given that you never let me forget that fact, I think ruefully. She might be the only family YOU have left….

“I can’t change my plans at this short notice,” I state bluntly as I head to my bedroom to change.

“Selfish much, then?” Sonia says with an angry sneer.

“What, demanding that I drop everything at a moment’s notice so you two can take the piss out of me all evening?” I reply. “Couldn’t agree more.” If Sonia does reply, either verbally or otherwise, I don’t see it as I shut my bedroom door and change out of my uniform and into my sweater and jeans. Needless to say, when I emerge from my room a few minutes later, my sister is looking at me with pure fury on her face.

“…Well?” Sonia asks expectantly.

“…I’m sorry for speaking to you the way I did,” I say, trying not to mumble or wither under my sister’s glare. “But I’m still going out this evening.”

“You’re grounded,” Sonia says bluntly.

“For?” I ask.

“I don’t need to tell you why,” Sonia spits.

“Then I don’t need to take your punishment,” I retort, standing firm and clenching my hands into fists to stop them from trembling.

“Why don’t you try acting like a grown-up?” Sonia sneers.

“So grown-ups always do whatever they’re ordered to do without question?” I ask, biting my lip as Sonia pauses, clearly unable to immediately answer my question. “If you must know, I’m going out tonight to help a friend who recently came out as gay. She’s been having a hard time at school and is estranged from her best friend as she kissed her, but she — the best friend — isn’t gay. All of us are going to show moral support for the two of them. ALL of us.”

“…You can go tonight,” Sonia mumbles. “Then you’re grounded for ten days. No video games, no social media, no phone.”

“Fine,” I reply.

“You know,” Sonia says with an angry sniff, “I’m not sure I like this ‘new Liam.’ Rude, disrespectful….”

“Confident, not submissive anymore,” I retort. “And just for the record, if — or rather, when you and Mel decide you’re going to make fun at my expense in future, this is the Liam you’re going to get in reply.”

“Good to know,” Sonia sighs as she turns her attention back to her work. “Dinner’s at the usual time. If that’s acceptable for the ‘New Liam?’ ”

“Sure,” I reply with a shrug as I return to my room and flop down on my bed, letting out a low moan as I try to reconcile in my mind what just happened.

The grounding for ten days is trivial, especially as I’ll have enough schoolwork to occupy me during that time, and eleven days from now is a Saturday anyway. I’ll still be seeing all of my friends at school, especially if tonight goes according to plan. What’s most confusing to me — and no doubt to Sonia as well — is where THAT Liam came from.

For exactly fourteen years, seven months and nineteen days, I have put up with my sisters’ shit without saying or doing anything in return. Even after mum and dad died, even after Sonia promised that she and Melanie would ‘adjust their behaviour,’ even after becoming part of the ‘Misfits,’ that hadn’t changed. So, what has? Is it because I now have a girlfriend? Is it now because, at least partly, I AM a girlfriend?

All throughout my childhood, my sisters forced me to be ‘Lisa’ so much that I associated it with being meek, submissive… but what if, in reality, ‘Liam’ was the one who was meek and submissive? It was ‘Liam’ who followed their ‘orders’ without question, after all. When I stood up to Sonia just now, it was ‘Lisa’s voice that left my mouth, no matter how deep it might have sounded. Not the ‘Lisa’ that Sonia and Melanie made me be, but rather the ‘Lisa’ that I truly am on the inside. It’s almost like that one opportunity I had over the summer has unlocked something within me, like unlocking a new ability within a videogame.

Except I know that life isn’t a videogame, and the nerves and anxiety I felt when Sonia dressed me down right now is proof that just because I spoke with ‘Lisa’s voice once, there’s no guarantee I’ll be able to again. Unless, of course, I’m able to be ‘Lisa’ again. Which I can’t be for the next ten days, but as I’ve already said, eleven days from now IS a Saturday….

I’m alone with my thoughts for longer than expected as the next thing I’m aware of is the smell of cooking wafting into my bedroom, accompanied by the theme tune to Pointless. I know I don't have a lot of time before Lily's sister comes to pick me up, so I head out to the kitchen to help my sister prepare the meal, before hastily wolfing it down, washing the dishes and returning to my bedroom to get my shoes and coat on.

I only barely finish getting ready in time, as the second I finish tying my laces, I hear a car’s horn sound outside. I quickly grab my phone and head to the front door, eager but also nervous about this evening — after all, there’s a good chance that, honorary girl or not, I’m going to be the only boy (or at least, male presenting person) there and will stick out like a sore thumb….

“Have fun,” Sonia says, her tone of voice making it clear that she’s only saying this to be polite and that I am NOT off the hook for my earlier behaviour.

“Sure, bye,” I reply, closing the door behind me and taking a deep breath before heading out to the waiting car. I smile as I see Lily in the front passenger seat, the make-up on her face, pink tights on her legs and her hair being in a tight bun a dead giveaway of what she’s going to spend the evening doing, even if I didn’t know ahead of time.

“Hi Liam!” Lily says with a giggle as she lowers her window. “Laura wants you to put a mask on before you get in the car, sorry!”

“No worries, I figured that might be the case,” I reply with a shrug as I don the blue facemask and slide onto the seat next to Bailey, with Farah in the seat behind our driver.

“It’s nothing personal,” Laura says through her own facemask. “Just don’t want to take any chances, especially with four teenagers in the car, aka ‘four walking disease magnets.’ ”

“I should point out here that Laura isn’t twenty for another two months,” Lily says with a snort of laughter. “Making her just as much of a disease magnet.”

“Most of my classes are online other than in person,” Laura retorts. “You did PE today, so after ballet you’ll have done two strenuous activities today in large groups of other people who’ll also be sweating and moving around a lot. Not to mention being crammed into multiple rooms with multiple different groups of 25 or more other disease magnets.”

“Yes, okay, think you’ve made your feelings there perfectly clear,” Lily sighs.

“Though I am grateful that the BOY is sat as far from me as possible,” Laura says with a playful giggle. “No offence, umm — Liam, is it?”

“Umm, yeah,” I mumble in reply as I try not to blush — not to mention being singled out as the only ‘boy’ in the group, something Bailey also picks up on as she gives my hand a supportive squeeze.

“Though we really see Liam more as an ‘honorary girl,’ ” Lily explains. “Which is why he’s with us now, if you get what I mean.”

“Kinda,” Laura says, pausing and getting an almost wistful look on her face, before continuing. “Anyway, you girls — and ‘honorary girl,’ of course — really are doing a kind thing for Bryony today.”

“She’d do the same for us without even thinking about it,” Farah replies with a smile. “Even if I did get a bit of heat from my parents when I told them where I was going, heh.”

“They don’t approve of dancing, then?” Laura asks.

“It’s more the whole ‘clothes that might as well be spray-painted on’ thing that they don’t like,” Farah replies with a sad sigh. “I Can’t say I’m comfortable with it myself either, heh. My brothers in particular would be furious if they knew where I was going tonight.”

“M- my b- big sister w- would j- just l- l- laugh if sh- she kn- knew,” Bailey sighs.

“Whereas mine has actually grounded me after tonight,” I snort, earning confused frowns from the other occupants of the car.

“…I had no idea a big sister could ground a younger sibling,” Laura muses. “Lily, yo-”

“Don’t even THINK about it,” the younger Ruddock sister interrupts, earning giggles from the rest of the car — Laura included, much to her credit. If I’d interrupted Melanie or Sonia the way Lily did just now, they wouldn’t have let me hear the end of it for weeks….

“My — my sister is, like, my guardian,” I explain. “Our parents died last year.”

“Oh — oh, I am SO sorry,” Laura moans. “God, I feel awful now for laughing…”

“Don’t worry about it, honestly,” I say.

“Though I’m sure I HAVE told you before,” Lily chastises her sister. “Probably when we were on a call or something.” I try not to smirk as Lily turns to us on the back seat. “If I’m on a call, ANY call, and she hears a boy’s voice, she practically breaks down my bedroom door to see what’s going on.”

“I do not!” Laura protests. “Not ALWAYS, anyway….” I wish I had half the relationship with my sisters that Lily shares with her sister, I think to myself, before a memory pops into my head — this is the same sister, the same ‘Laura’ who was born a boy all those years ago. And there’s absolutely no way to tell, especially not from the way she and Lily talk to each other. Now THAT is the relationship I truly wish I had with my sisters….

We arrive at the dance school a short while later, and while Laura drives off (but with the promise that she will return to take us all home), Lily guides us to the reception area where Molly and Jo — already in their uniforms — are waiting, along with Daisy and Ari.

I’m clearly the only boy here right now. I’m easily the tallest here, with the usual next two tallest, Bryony and Sabrina, nowhere to be seen. I’m the only one wearing trousers — Molly and Jo are wearing just their leotards and tights, Lily is dressed the same only she’s also wearing a flimsy skirt, while the other girls are all wearing skirts, dresses or (in Ari’s case) short shorts with dark tights on underneath. I should stick out like a sore thumb, and to anyone looking on, I probably do. And yet… I’ve never felt less out of place than I do right now. Clothing aside, I have never felt more like ‘one of the girls.’

Of course, there’s a part of me that desperately wishes I could pull on a dress or a skirt, or even better, the tight dancewear some of the girls are wearing. I wish I could make up my face like Lily, or tie my hair into the elaborate buns that Molly and Jo are sporting. I know consciously that I’m a million miles away from that right now. But in my head, I have never, ever been closer.

“Hey girls,” Jo says quietly, before giggling and rolling her eyes. “And ‘honorary girl,’ heh. Sabrina and Bryony are in the changing room but they’re not, like, talking at the moment, so I think we — we should, like….” As one, the other girls all nod and follow the blonde girl toward the room in question, but before I can even take a single step, Lily turns round and places one hand on my chest, stopping me dead in my tracks.

“Ah — sorry, Liam,” the brown-haired girl says with a sympathetic smile. “Only ‘non-honorary’ girls allowed beyond this point, heh.”

“O- oh, okay,” I whisper. I suppose it makes sense, there are only nine girls in this school right now — nine girls in the whole world, even — who see me as an ‘honorary girl.’ To everyone else, I’m just an ordinary boy. And for the next few minutes, that includes those nine girls as well. And I suppose… that should include me, too.

I should’ve known better, known that the girls’ changing room is a place where I’ll always be forbidden. I can identify as an ‘honorary girl’ and dress around at Bailey’s house as much as I want, but the world will only ever see ‘Liam.’ Hell, even my friends will only ever see ‘Liam,’ and that might include my actual girlfriend, who pauses only long enough to flash a sympathetic smile at me before following our — or rather, her — friends into the changing room.

I’m left with my thoughts for several minutes, watching families coming and going to drop off their daughters, no one even paying attention to the tall boy sat in the corner of the room, before the changing room door opens and my friends emerge… all nine of them, including Bryony and Sabrina, who are, much to my surprise, smiling at each other and actually holding hands.

“Hey Liam,” Lily says as she quickly skips over to me. “Sorry about that, but you understand, heh. Quick recap: Bryony and Sabrina talked it through, Sabrina accepts Bryony being gay, Bryony accepts Sabrina being straight and not interested in her, we’re all friends again, we’re about to go into the lesson, so — yeah. Kinda sorry I dragged you all the way here for nothing, heh.”

“Better than being at home,” I reply with a shrug, earning a giggle from Lily as she follows the other leotard-clad girls into the class, while Ari leads the rest of us to the seats at the side of the room.

“We’ll need to be silent while we’re in here,” Ari explains, pointing to a stern-looking but still beautiful brown-haired woman at the side of the room — presumably the teacher of the class. “That includes phones.” I comply as I switch my phone onto silent and even disable the vibrate function, but as I do, I can’t help but smile when I see a notification come through on my phone.

‘Text?’ Bailey’s message reads, making me smirk and try not to giggle at the girl sat literally right next to me.

‘Sure,’ I reply, focussing on my screen but unable to tear my eyes away from the growing group of teenaged girls taking their place along the mirrored sides of the room.

‘I’m really sorry about that just now,’ Bailey types. ‘I honestly didn’t know they’d want us to go into the changing room. Though if it helps, I felt really awkward and out of place in there too. All of the other girls are skinny and beautiful and I’m just plain old me.’

‘Yeah, but ‘plain old you’ is amazing,’ I retort, smiling as my girlfriend’s real-life cheeks start to redden.

‘I’d hardly say ‘amazing,’ ’ Bailey replies.

‘I would,’ I type, ‘I don’t know many other girls who’d be happy with their boyfriend wearing their dresses. I don’t know ANY other girls who would.’

‘I don’t know many boys who’d look past girls like these at the short nerd with glasses and curly hair,’ Bailey types, subtly gesturing to the girls in the class. ‘Or even ‘honorary girls.’ ’

‘It’s what’s on the inside that counts,’ I reply. ‘Not that I’m saying Lily and the others are shallow, but I’ll repeat what I said earlier — you are amazing.’

‘Thanks,’ Bailey replies, her cheeks reddening again. ‘And I agree 100% about what’s on the inside being the most important thing. I actually almost like ‘Lisa’ more than ‘Liam,’ if that makes sense?’

‘Perfect sense,’ I reply. ‘I even like ‘Lisa’ more than ‘Liam’ lol.’

‘I was really nervous about coming here tonight, though,’ Bailey types. ‘Knowing that I wouldn’t fit in, knowing I’d never be like all the other girls here. I think Daisy and Farah are the same but wouldn’t want to put words in their mouths.’

‘You’re a lot closer to being like these girls than I’ll ever be,’ I type with a ‘sad’ emoji. A lot closer, if mine and Sabrina’s plan ever happens, I think to myself….

‘Says someone who’s never seen me try to dance,’ Bailey retorts. So you HAVE tried, then? I think.

‘I bet none of the other girls here could write poetry as good as yours,’ I type.

‘I bet none of them would want to, either,’ Bailey types, and despite my best efforts, I have no reply to her.

‘You’re still amazing, though,’ I type, before we both sit back and enjoy the dancing.

For the rest of the evening, my feelings are a mixture of wonder and envy at the sight of the young women performing in front of me. While I’d watched Lily in online classes before, she and all the other girls were confined to their bedrooms, meaning what they could do was always limited by available space. In the cavernous dance studio, though, they’re free to cut loose, pirouetting from one corner of the room to the other without so much as breaking a sweat or putting a single toe wrong. My astonishment only grows as, halfway through the lesson, they exchange their slippers for the pointe shoes that I’ve heard the girls complain about so often, yet make them look somehow even more delicate and ethereal as they balance on the tips of their toes, performing moves I didn’t even know a human body could make.

Once the hour ends, though, it’s clear that the girls are only too happy to call it a night, pausing only to exchange their pointe shoes for the warm Ugg boots they wore to the class before skipping over to where the five of us are sat.

“Hey everyone, thanks again for coming along,” Bryony says with a happy but tired sigh. “Hey Liam, glad you could make it tonight too.” I’ll assume that was just an oversight and that you don’t deliberately exclude me when you say ‘everyone,’ then…

“Happy to be here,” I reply with a shrug. “You all looked great out there today, really.”

“Glad you approve!” Molly giggles as she unties her severe bun and lets her curly hair hang loose. “As much as a BOY could approve, though!” I force a smile on my face, because as much as it stings, I know Molly’s teasing is not meant mean-spiritedly.

“He is right, though,” says the older girl who was assisting during the class — who, given that she has the exact same hair colour, eye colour and freckles as Sabrina, is clearly her older sister. “You were ALL great, Well, most of you, anyway!” I allow myself a genuine smirk as Sabrina and her sister exchange a series of playful nudges, before the young of the two sighs and introduces us.

“Liam, girlies who haven’t met her, this is Nicole,” Sabrina says as her sister giggles behind her facemask.

“I won’t shake hands or hug because of you-know-what,” Nicole explains. “I WILL, though, hand you all a flyer for the class, if you’re interested? Which you ALL should be.” As if the temptation wasn’t already big enough….

“Ah — thanks, but I’m already in the intermediate class,” Ari says with a smile. “Hopefully might get pointe shoes next year, before I’m sixteen, heh.”

“Ah, of course, you’re Petra’s sister!” Nicole giggles. “Well, more flyers for the rest of you, then?” I bite my lip as Bailey, Daisy and Farah all look on awkwardly — a look made even more awkward by knowing what I know now.

“I don’t think I’M going to be doing any pirouettes any time soon,” Daisy says as she hauls herself to her feet on her crutches. “You have to learn to walk before you can run OR dance, right?”

“Well… depends on how good your teacher is, really,” Nicole replies, her previously flippant attitude replaced by a look of utter sincerity. “And Madame Renou-Briggs really is the best teacher in the country, you know?”

“Flagorneuse,” the dark-haired Frenchwoman who was leading the class says as she approaches our group. Whatever that means, I think to myself, smiling nonetheless as the teacher’s formerly strict demeanour starts to fade. “But Mademoiselle Wyatt is correct. Dance is for everyone. Not all who dance here today shall become the next Darcey Bussell. But all who do dance do it for the love of it.” The five leotard-clad girls all nod along with their teacher, clearly in genuine agreement with her.

“…It wouldn’t hurt to take a flyer, I suppose,” Farah chuckles. “As long as my parents don’t see it, heh.”

“And we are always wanting handsome young men to join our classes,” Madame Renou-Briggs says, almost giggling as she presses a flyer into my hand.

“Sabrina CERTAINLY is,” Nicole teases, giggling as her sister gives her a playful slap on her arm, before both girls pause and look awkwardly over at Bryony.

“I think…” Bryony says, pausing to carefully choose her words. “I think that everyone should be, well, free to be who they are, and do what they want to do. If it doesn’t hurt anyone else, what’s the problem? Life’s too short to deny who you truly are just because someone else has decided that’s ‘wrong’ or ‘inappropriate.’ ” I bite my lip as my friend talks, not least because by the end of it, her eyes are fixed directly on mine. Surely she can’t know already?. I trust Bailey not to have told her, sure, but is Bryony really THAT perceptive? Either way, her look is not an accusatory one, meaning I at least have nothing to fear from her. I hope I don’t, anyway….

“I could not agree more,” Madame Renou-Briggs says with a smile. “But now if you will excuse me, I have to write an email to Ms Fullerton about the class, so I shall be seeing you all on Friday. One of you I shall see in a special tutu!” I smile along with the rest of the group as Sabrina squeaks excitedly, before sighing as I remember that thanks to my sister — or rather, sisters — I won’t be able to see it live.

“What’s up, Liam?” Bryony asks, sensing my sadness — though if her previous statement is anything to go by, probably thinking it’s for a different reason.

“I — I kinda got grounded tonight,” I reply. “My older sister tried to demand I stay home as our other sister was coming around, and — yeah.”

“Ugh, older sisters, I have been there and done that, as you English say,” Madame Renou-Briggs says with a sad chuckle. “But there are many girls here with phones who I am sure will video it.”

“Just try and stop us!” Lily giggles.

“It also means no party for me on Saturday,” I say, frowning as Sabrina shifts awkwardly in place.

“We — we were kinda planning a girly say anyway,” Sabrina says. “Sorry, Liam. But — yeah. Kinda finalised plans now, heh.”

“Oh — oh, okay, sure,” I say with a shrug, Bailey’s hand squeezing mine being the only thing to prevent me from breaking down in floods of tears right here on the spot.

“But — but that doesn’t mean ALL of our plans have to be cancelled, do they?” Sabrina asks, restoring a tiny bit of optimism as we’re ushered out of the studio and back to the changing rooms — where I once again wait outside, though this time I am at least accompanied by Daisy, Farah, Ari and of course my girlfriend, ensuring that I at least don’t feel completely alone.

The next ten days crawl by as I wait for my ‘punishment’ to end. At school, during breaks and lunch, the girls do at least show me photos from Sabrina’s party, as well as the dance the newly sixteen year old girl did in the dance school’s special tutu, reminding me that while I might be just an ‘honorary girl,’ I am still very much 'one of them.' And the day after my grounding ended, Bailey and I spent an afternoon together at her home, and I was able to spend the afternoon as ‘Lisa’ for the first time in months in a dark-coloured skater dress and black tights. All thanks to my ever-perceptive and ever-amazing girlfriend correctly guessing that I needed the ‘freedom’ after my grounding. Even if the ‘session’ did leave me feeling sad once it came to an end, and craving more time, even seconds, as the girl I truly am on the inside.

And, of course, after turning sixteen, Sabrina began assisting and teaching at the dance school as well. A few weeks after her birthday, I received a message from her detailing how Bailey, Daisy and Farah’s ‘surprise’ would work, and I allowed myself to believe, if only for a moment, that ‘Lisa’ might be allowed to join in the surprise too….