There was a lot for the two girls to emotionally unpack when they arrived back at Bethany’s. While it had not been Maya’s intention to tell Bethany of the thoughts and feelings she had felt for Tyler at the party, she had found herself doing just that.

Bethany, despite her animosity for Tyler, proved as good a listener and confidante in this as Maya had found her to be in the past, when she had talked to Bethany about other things. While talking everything through with Bethany didn’t help Maya to understand her own emotions all that much better than before, it did make her feel a little better. Better enough to start questioning what was behind the animosity between Bethany and Tyler that Maya had only gotten cryptic clues from both of them about.

At first, Bethany, much like Tyler, didn’t want to open up to Maya about it, but under pressure in the form of constant questioning from Maya, she relented a little.
“Look, it's a fairly old argument, about three years ago, Tyler walked in on something he had no right to see. I was with my girlfriend Linda at the time, and Tyler took issue with our relationship. Don’t worry, it wasn’t because he is anti-liberal or anything,” Bethany reassured, already seeing the direction Maya’s thoughts were taking her.
"Tyler’s issues with me and at the time with my relationship purely stemmed from what he had accidently overheard and a I guess a long-standing rivalry. I think he believes I disrespect, those I am with, that and I think often he is just jealous. Tyler especially has a problem with any girls I attempt to date as he believes I corrupt them or something. His problems though are all based around me. It really doesn’t and need not include you, Maya. Nor should you let it effect the way you see Tyler, despite his opinions of me, he is a good guy and one you sound like you have feelings for.”
Maya tried to deny that, but it only ended with Maya looking like a fool with all that she had admitted to Bethany by this point.

---

Monday morning, and Maya, drab as she could manage, was finding it more and more difficult to maintain the facade of Mason. The more time she spent as herself with Bethany, the harder maintaining Mason became. All ready that evening had, for Maya, taken on the bright light of reality and truth, while, for Maya, this life as Mason had begun to feel like a bad fever dream.

Maya and a group of her peers sat in the home room, Maya was pretending to scroll through her phone, or more accurately, pretending not to eavesdrop on conversations around her while of scrolling on her phone, she wasn’t truly sure anymore, she seemed to be devoting as much attention to one activity as the other.

Tyler’s conversation was by far the loudest and also the one that interested Maya the most. While his conversation did not involve the entire current populous of the home room, it did seem to involve a number of them. At first, it was just a general discussed about Benny’s party, most of the participants had gone and thus were happily exchanging animated accounts with one another. While that did to some degree interest Maya, she could not participate because as Mason, she had decided not to attend. Maya wasn’t ready to reveal her true self to any of them just yet, especially after what had happened, nearly happened with Tyler. So instead of participating, Maya began listening in.

Tyler had soon taken the conversation over, however, with his talk of a mystery girl he had met at the party.
“I swear, bro,” he said to Zeke and Jay.
“She was hot, like mega hot, but not like arrogant and mean with it, like some girls; she was actually really pleasant. She had this vibe… understated but really likeable. There was some serious connection between us, like an unreal connection. I have never felt anything like that before. But she dipped before I could get her number.”
“Probably ran away screaming after seeing your ugly face for more than a minute.” Jay offered with a smirk. “Oh, when will the horror ever end!" He added in a screechy high-pitched tone.
“Nah, she probably never existed in the first place. A figment of Tyler’s imagination!” Zeke mocked, then, seeing Mason nearby, added. “What do you think of Tyler’s imaginary girlfriend, Mason? Do you think she is real, or do you think he was ghosted by a dream?”

Maya tried to keep her answer short and noncommittal as though she didn’t know or didn’t care. She hoped she had disguised well enough that the fear and embarrassment that this conversation created for her. Despite this, she could not help but worry about the curious glance Tyler gave her, searching as if he were trying to figure something out. Maybe it was just Maya’s guilty conscience, but Maya was worried that it would not take Tyler as long as she had hoped to work out her secret.
“You know what I think," Zeke said conspiratorially in a slightly lowered voice, no-one answered, but he continued on regardless. “I don’t think she exists and your just making her up out of jealousy and spite for that Randi girl you were sweet on cheating on you and publicly dumping you last night. Look, we all feel sorry for you, you don’t have to make up some mystery girl though. What Randi did was not ok, we are mad at her as well for doing that to you.”

“Nice sentiment, Zeke, even if you do make it very difficult at times not to hit you. What Randi did sucks. I still can’t quite believe it. I trusted her, and all the while she was messing around with that guy, Jack, and dumping me like that in front of everyone. But I am not making this girl up; she was real.”
“Ok, ok, man, I believe you.” Jay held his hands up in mock surrender. “What was she like, this mystery girl?”
"She had long red hair and these penetrating green eyes. This silky soft voice and, man, she was hot. Apparently, she doesn’t go here; she must go to St Anne’s or something. Anyway, we talked for a bit, and man, there was something between us, you know, this chemistry, this spark. She almost kissed me and then… I don’t know, she just bailed, I guess.”
They all laughed, Maya, joining in so as not to appear to be singular in her reaction, even though her laughter was forced, coarse, and brittle. The last thing she felt like doing was laughing.

"Damn, she really got in your head,” This was from Jay.
“Maybe you did imagine her, you were drinking.” Maya added trying not to sound too hopeful.
“Dude, I wasn’t that far gone. I remember talking to her. I remember how hot she was. I even remember her name, it was Maya.” Tyler defended tersely.
Maya froze, her heart beating wildly. She went deathly pale and hoped that no one would notice. Even now, though, despite the high-risk scenario, she couldn’t help but take a moment to recognise how much she still loved how her true name sounded when he said it.
“Honestly, if I see her again, I am definitely asking her out.” Then Tyler turned to regard Mason again, this time with a scrutinising eye.
"Don’t take this the wrong way, dude, but she kind of looked a little like you, Mason. Do you have any cousins who go to St Anne’s?”
Maya’s heart nearly stopped, but she managed, barely, to choke out the words, "Not that I am aware of.”

“Oh come on, dude, even if we agree with you that she did exist, then how are you going to find her, you don’t even know for sure that she attends St Anne’s.” Zeke pointed out.
“I will find her. Just you watch.” Tyler promised.
The bell rang, saving Maya from any more of this conversation, which was all too often hitting too close to home for her liking and safety.

*****************************************

Maya let out a small sigh out of second period, as it was Friday, pretty much dead on a week since the party and yet Tyler still hadn’t let it go. It was to the point where Maya dreaded looking at her phone because there would pretty much always be a message from Tyler. There were the normal messages, most about football, most of which Maya didn’t care for but dutifully and responded to, and then there where the ones that she dreaded. Ones where Tyler looked to his best friend, Mason, for support in his ever more fanatical search for Maya.

Tyler didn’t know that the same person he was texting for support was the one he was searching for, and Maya found it more and more difficult to keep Tyler in the dark. For one thing, Maya was running out of supportive but useless things to tell him; there are only so many glib but supportive statements in the world and Maya couldn’t help but feel that by now she had used every single one of them. Secondly, Maya had begun to feel quite guilty for the continued deception. It was, after all, not an intended deception, and the last thing Maya had intended to do was to trick and hurt her best friend, yet Bethany had warned against it.

On Monday, when Maya had first realised that Tyler was not going to easily forget Maya, Maya had, after school, gone to Bethany’s house for an emergency conversation. While Maya would have liked to talk it over with Bethany several hours before that, it was simply not possible. The only class they shared was art, which was the last period for them both on a Monday, something Maya had been immensely grateful for, but even this didn’t give Maya the opportunity to talk as freely as she needed.

Simply put, the art classes, where they had to worry about being overheard by their classmates or told off by their teacher, were not the right environment to discuss what Maya desperately needed to discuss.
“Maya, you can’t tell him,” Bethany began as soon as they were in the relative safety of Bethany’s room with its firmly shut door.
Maya still looked unconvinced and sceptical.
Bethany sighed, “It's not my personal animosity towards Tyler if that’s what you are thinking. You know perfectly well all the reasons telling him would be a very risky idea, you better than most.”
Maya still looked sceptical and confused.
"Oh, please stop being so obtuse. How do you think Tyler is going to react to the revelation that his dream girl is actually his best friend, whom he has known as a boy for most of his life? How is he going to react to that potential public embarrassment? Even if he could personally get over the revelation, I doubt he could stand by you with the public humiliation. The male ego is so fragile that it can only take so much. And I know you know this, you wouldn’t have survived this long as a girl mistaken for a boy in that masculine world otherwise.”

Maya sat there stunned but knowing the truth of what Bethany spoke. While Maya trusted Tyler more than most other people, more than most men yet she could not be certain of his reaction. Maya had already dismissed her hopes of telling Tyler and Tyler telling her that it didn’t matter, that he loved her regardless as a foolish, girlish fantasy. Now she had to admit to herself that Bethany was probably right, Tyler was a good guy but with peer pressure and public embracement, he probably would cave. It would also probably end the long-standing friendship that had been between them for so long, and Maya was not sure she could deal with losing him as a friend as well.
“So, what do I do?” Maya had asked after breaking the silence that had accompanied Maya’s revelations.
“For the moment, nothing,” Bethany had advised grimly. “We will hope that it all blows over, that Tyler moves on soon, once he finds he can’t find Maya.”

**********************************

The only problem with Bethany’s plan was Tyler. He did not forget about Maya, nor did he give up. Bethany’s plan did not take into account enough of Tyler’s boyish pride nor his dogged determination. At any usual time, Maya would have found qualities sweet if not cute, but not this time; this time, she found it extremely vexing.

Her worst fear was that in his attempts to find her on social media, Tyler might stumble upon her Maya page. A social media page that she had been adding to rapidly over the last couple of weeks. Bethany had suggested that Maya delete the page to solve the problem, but Maya could not bring herself to do so. Thus, while it was a terrible idea, Maya left the page alone and merely took to hoping that Tyler did not discover it.

Monday rolled around again, and Maya knew Tyler still hadn’t given up due to the constant barrage of texts she kept receiving from him about it. So, it was not a surprise when he started on that topic again as soon as Maya sat down with her tray at lunch, they were sat, Maya and Tyler surrounded by their friends, well most of them were more Tyler’s friends, but since a prerequisite of someone being Tyler’s friends was usually that they got on well with Mason, it was a distinction that had no distinction at least until recently. Several of them were teammates from the football squad, but others were just friends Tayler had made over the years.

Tyler leaned across the table.
"That Maya girl, I can’t get her out of my head. The way she looked at me, the way she spoke. I can’t find her anywhere, though.”
“You're obsessed,” Jay groaned, rolling his eyes.
“Enough with that Maya girl, its not like there is a shortage of hot girls out there, why don’t you pick one of them. Any of them, let this Maya girl go, man. Its obvious she is ghosting you.”
“I know,” Tyler said, leaning back. "It’s messed up. Maybe I messed up. But I can’t stop thinking about her.”
Maya choked out her laugher, bitter in her throat. "Wow your whipped and you didn’t even get her number. "
"Shut up, I’m being serious here. "
Maya tried desperately to clear her throat and keep her voice from shaking as she uttered the words. “You can’t really be suggesting that you are going to fall in love with a girl you met for ten minutes and might never see again?”
“I don’t know,” he offered quietly and then even more gently, softly, almost under his breath, “Maybe.”

It hit Maya full force. Those quiet words breaking her heart in two. A wave of emotions was breaking over her. So much in fact that Maya struggled to name them all let alone feel them. One of the keenest though was a sense of loss, sadness and regret. He was serious too. Tyler loved her. Was in love with her, and she couldn’t say a thing. He loved her, and she couldn’t even tell him who she was.

---

It took another round of persuading on the telephone that night for Bethany to stop Maya from outing herself to Tyler. Maya knew that Bethany was right, but it still didn’t make things any easier for Tyler, who had all but declared his love for her at lunch, and every bone in her body told her to respond in kind. It didn’t help that her feelings for Tyler had long been confused and complicated with no true analogise relationship to pin its bounds down to and confine it.

In the end, Maya hung on, despite all Tyler’s comments and attempts to find her; Maya stood firm in her resolve not to say anything. Although the whole affair had forced her to consider more widely her friendship with Tyler and the implications of the emotions he stirred up within her. While Maya was not quit ready to a consider those implications more widely, she was forced to admit that she felt more for Tyler than any best-friend reasonably ought and that she was uncomfortably possessive of him, that the idea of Tyler loving someone else filled her with a jealous rage that was only invigorated by Tyler’s unknowing and unintentional confession of his feelings for her.

Unfortunately for Maya and her possessive jealousy, as Bethany predicted, it was not long before Tyler moved on, a week later. Maya couldn’t believe it, didn’t want to believe it. It wasn’t like she hadn’t expected it in the wake of the party, but still, it was an incredible blow. Not least because, for the last couple of weeks, Maya had foolishly begun to fantasise that this could end in some other way.

Maya found out the same way everyone else did, a social media post. She had skipped what promised to be an incredibly dull English class and was standing outside the gym building alongside Bethany when she saw it. Leah’s cutesy post of her and Tyler in matching hoodies. The rage and pain Maya felt were intolerable, as she soundlessly, wordlessly showed it to Bethany beside her.

A tear streamed down Maya’s face; it was so unfair, so painful to even think of. Maya could not help but feel that it should have been her. His arm wrapped so tightly and possessively around her waist, not Leah’s. Why not? Maya knew she had feelings for him, and he had all but admitted he was in love with her; not even Leah should have been able to stand in the way of that. But for the most unfair reason of all, that picture was of Leah, not Maya. Leah had been born a girl, and Maya had not. Maya could not get over the unfairness of that; she couldn’t even tell Tyler how she felt because she hadn’t been born female.

“I guess he finally gave up on Maya then,” Bethany said beside her, still trying to gauge Maya’s reaction.
“Yeah, I guess,” Maya replied, trying to keep the bitterness out of her tone as she took back the energy drink that they were sharing, her hands shaking as she did so.
Bethany didn’t press Maya over how she was feeling instead she wrapped the other girl in a comforting embrace.
“He is allowed to move on.” Maya tried to speak, but her voice shook, and it sounded more like she was trying to convince herself than anything else.
“My house tonight,” Bethany told her in a voice that was firm but not unkind and would back no disagreement.

---

“He is allowed to move on,” Maya said more hotly that evening once they were in the relative safety of Bethany’s room. But while more confident than it had sounded earlier in the day, it still did not sound like Maya truly believed those words.
“What?” Maya caught Bethany’s raised eyebrow.
“It’s not like I could tell him. You know that you have tried to convince me of that multiple times. It might have been a one-time thing with Leah anyway. Maybe he just wanted a hook-up. Maybe he hasn’t given up on Maya after all."
“You don’t really believe any of that, do you?” Bethany stated with a quiet perceptiveness that Maya often found infuriating at times like this.

“I can’t stand seeing them together. " Then more quietly. “I can’t stand seeing him with anyone.”
Bethany nodded sombrely and encouragingly. “I thought it was something like that.”
“Every time I see him with someone else, it's like someone took a knife, stabbed me with it an is twisting that knife in my guts.”
Bethany had a sympathetic look in her eyes as she admitted her friend. "You're in love with him.”
Maya dropped down heavily onto the bean bag, her head drooping into her hands as she did so, as if her head had suddenly grown so heavy that she couldn’t lift it up anymore.
“Yes, at least I think so, I don’t know when I started loving him, though; it seems like I have loved him for a while. Yet all of this feels so new.”
“I know,” Bethany told Maya quietly and comfortingly.
"I can’t tell him, Beth, I can’t tell anyone. Not just because of the Maya thing. He is my best friend. He is the only person who has stood by me no matter what. The only true friend I had for a long time. I can’t jeopardise that over some stupid little crush. I can’t let my feelings ruin that.”

“I get it,” Bethany seemed to be grappling with how to put something into words. “Sometimes, things are worth taking a leap of faith, for. I think now, maybe I erred when I told you not to tell Tyler. He is obviously very important to you. You need to decide whether he is worth risking everything over.”
Maya sat still for a few minutes, digesting everything Bethany had just said. Her heart was crying out in glee, but her head was rebelling and recoiling from the idea in fear.
“I’m scared.”
“I know, just don’t let it paralyse you.”
“I’m not brave like you."
"You’re a lot braver than you give yourself credit for; you showed him and everyone else who you truly are. They just didn’t recognise you.”