This is a story about a trans woman taking her first steps into the big bad world. ( not my usual sex stuff )

I looked out of the window of my small bedsit one last time as I steeled myself to face the world. I held my breath and nearly scrambled out of my front door and the main door. I forced myself not to run up the path. I had been watching to make sure my neighbours were not approaching or leaving. A few steps and I was on the street.

This was my first time facing the world as a woman. I was wearing a white cardigan, pale pink blouse, tight jeans and ballet flats. I had studied Youtube videos on makeup for months and practised endlessly. The foundation and powder covered the slight beard growth that was barely even visible anyway. I think it looked good. It was very understated.

With my handbag over my shoulder I walked carefully down my street heading towards the town centre. I planned to do a little window shopping then head back home. Halfway down my street I saw a man in his 50's walking towards me. I felt myself panicking. I wanted to cross the road. Would that cause suspicion? I carried on and saw he was talking on his phone. We met near a lamp post. He looked at me and my heart was in my mouth. He smiled, stepped back and said

"After you luv."

I smiled back, and stepped passed him. I heard him carry on his conversation, like nothing has happened.

Unknowingly, he had given me one of the greatest gifts of my life. For the first time ever, another human being had seen and accepted me as a woman. My confidence soared. A lot of my apprehension left me. I'm sure I stepped little more jauntily towards the town centre.

My smile never faded as I approached the turning to the high street. On the corner was a woman with a push chair. She didn't look at me as we passed each other. She was too busy with her day. I counted that as a win too. She had seen me coming and not reacted.

I had wanted to do this for so very long. I was the younger of two brothers. My older brother Darren was a "man's man" , Football captain, the Army and a top security job afterwards. I was more the runt of the litter. He was over 6ft. I was only 5ft 8 inches.

I knew I was a disappointment to my parents. They loved me, but I just wasn't Darren. I knew i was different years before. I had seen the comments from my father and mother made when news stories about trans people appeared. They said things like.

"Sick perverts." and "Mentally ill"

I just never broached the subject with them. I just planned like I always did. I was intelligent, I always knew that. I did well at school and planned how to avoid the bullies who always sensed I was different and made my life a misery. I devised a way to hop between corridors at school to avoid the playground and the bullies. I did the same with my life. After my A levels I moved away to a small town and took a job my parents thought was beneath me.

I worked in telesales for a vending machine company. I took the job because it paid the rent and allowed me to work from home. This meant I could start dressing as "Terri". I remember the first time I did it. I had spent a month buying items from Ebay and Vinted. I forced myself to wait until I had everything. When I saw myself in the mirror, I looked rough around the edges, but I knew this was the real me. Nothing would stop me now. I had to do this to be complete.

That was three months ago. I had been practising my female voice over the last month when calling potential customers. My name Terry, sounds the same when used for male or female. It gave me a thrill when I would hear.

"Do you want to take a call from a woman from Supervend?"

Most of the time it was a no, but when they used "woman" I had a little personal win. It made cold calling more fun anyway.

I don't know if this is the same with all trans women. I had a great urge to be seen as a woman. The urge to be accepted as what I was. The first thing I did was change my driving licence to female. You can do it without needing a Gender Recognition Certificate. Each time I looked at it, it made me happy. I knew this was the start of my journey.

I had seen my doctor to request a referral to a local NHS Gender Identity Clinic , She looked at me with, what I'm sure was disgust. Then she told me it can take 3 to 6 years for a first appointment and smiled at me I was shattered. I went home and cried.

A few days later my planning instincts kicked in. I could always get black market hormones, but I knew it could be dangerous and expensive. I threw myself into makeup tutorials. If I couldn't get the help I needed I would do my best to appear as female as I could. A few weeks later I saw what I thought was a convincing woman in the mirror.

This changed my mood. Before I felt so down because I thought I would be stuck as Terry forever. Now, Terri would, finally get a chance. My plan was to live my life as Terri and get hormones and perhaps surgery over the next 10 years, if I could, My hope was, that time would count toward the "real life test".

This why I was walking toward the high street with butterflies going crazy in my stomach. A couple in their twenties came towards me. The woman hit me with her bag and said sorry. Another win. I was fitting in. This was amazing. I could do this. I could pull this off. I was Terri. I was just another twenty something woman shopping in the high street.

As I walked towards a clothes shop, a window cleaner was washing the upper windows of a shop. He saw me coming and said.

"Wait there a second Miss. I wouldn't want to get water on that pretty cardie of yours."

He had said "Miss", I just grinned at him as he sloshed water on the windows then said,

"Safe now dear. I wouldn't go under the ladder, bad luck you know."

I stepped around when the road was clear. I didn't want this day to end. This was the real me for the first time. I was elated, and started to relax. As I moved from window to window, I lost track of time. I was so engrossed in my reflection showing Terri, innocently window shopping.

It was probably nerves. I felt an irresistible need to pee. My first thought was to go home. That would take at least ten minutes. Maybe five if I ran. I couldn't possibly do that dressed this way. Nothing for it, I would have to use the ladies. After all, this would have to happen sometime.

I crossed the road to the public convenience. At one end of the building was the usual male symbol, that said Gents. The other was a the female symbol. A figure with it's legs together in a skirt or dress. That was odd thinking about it. All the time I had been out today I had not seen anyone wearing a skirt or a dress.

I paused before walking in. This was a big step, but my need to pee forced me to enter. I could hear there were other people in the stalls, so I rushed into one before they saw me. I pulled everything down and relieved myself. When it was silent I judged I could leave. As I was washing my hands, in walked a young women with her children.

I felt rather than saw the stare. Then it came.

"You! You're a fucking tranny aint cha? Fuck off out of ere. This is for women not perverts."

I was stunned. All the good feelings left. I couldn't breath. My wold collapsed around me.

Then came a litany of swear words that would make a sailor blush. I stared at her in horror as she came towards me. That's when I heard.

"You! Leave her the fuck alone. She's not hurting anyone."

It was a grey haired woman about sixty years old. She had decide to defend me. The younger woman turned on her.

"You agree with all this stuff? You're just as sick as that pervert. Well you can both fuck right off."

With that, she turned on her heels and left. I couldn't hold it in. I felt like all my hopes had been destroyed. I put my head in my hands and sobbed.

I felt arms around my shoulder and a soft voice said.

"There, there dear. It's not the end of the world. You're OK now.. It takes all sorts to make up a world. Unfortunately, that include bitches like that."

She patted my back and gently lifted my face. Her hand came up with a tissue and dabbed my eyes.

"Are you a trans woman, if you don't mind me asking"

I felt grateful that she would ask. I thought about lying, but felt I owed her the truth, and nodded. It felt like I had an apple lodged in my throat.

"Well you would have fooled me. I don't know how she could tell. You're quite pretty."

"Th.. Thanks. Kind of you to say." I managed to mumble.

"Are you new to this, erm, sorry, I don't know your name. "

"It's Terri. What's yours? And ,yes. This is my first time out."

She beamed at me.

"See you're feeling better already. I'm Carol. I think you could do with a nice cup of tea. Come on luv. I insist."

"I couldn't possibly. I'm worried that..."

"No. No Terri. This is important. Be proud of who you are. You are Terri. You ARE a woman. Let the world see that. If you run away now you may never get the courage to be your true self again. I also want to show you that all women aren't like that hag. "

I thought about that. She was right. That was one person, out of many that had a problem with me. It wasn't my problem it was hers. "

I hugged Carole, and said.

"Yes please. I would like that, but only if we have cake too."

She laughed.

"I think, Terri, you and I are going to be good friends. "