The Life of a Person

Life
We all have a life—a life to explore the world, feel the joy, endure the pain, find the meaning, find the values. I remember before 2021; my life was so stable, so carefree, so peaceful the naivety of the childish vision encroached the sight. How shattered my heart was when I was 10 year-old, 2016. I was just a child, a normal child figuring out what the world is. In and of itself, the world is not perfect. My dad was a drunk white collar who got into a car accident, the very accident which shattered one of my shields. It was okay to live with a handicapped dad and a loving mother who worked alone to continue our…life. Just for not so many years, around 3 years later, my grandmother passed away. My heart was totally obliterated. I couldn’t sleep; I couldn’t stop thinking; I couldn’t take the funeral portrait of my grandmother away from my bedroom. And yet, life continued with its careless functions. What do I live for?

In Memoriam
It was a good and enjoyable life for a child who has a dad and mom. The beautiful picture of my dad teaching me how to play a video game. It was just a single thing yet immensely sacred. The gorgeous memories of my mother going everywhere with me; it is just…irreplacable…irrefutably comforting. My grandmother was a sweet and strong person. She used to play with me and we usually watched TV shows together. The act of playing and watching is an affection which no one can give. Naught. My memories were not built on my own. I had lived the memories. I had lived. I. Had. Lived. And so they left just a feeble picture of a sweet hereafter…for which…I can’t reach.

World
2021 was a good year for me. I loved my life here, at my home, during the Covid-19 lockdown. The world was just so sweet I could see people dancing and dancing and prancing around in my mind. Prancing and dancing around the collapse of a world of which I could not take control. The internet was a world, yes, a world. The world was so happy I could obviously see people dancing, drinking, kissing, living a great life while, I, just stood at biga thick window looking at them. How suffocating and pleasurable it was. How suffocating,
How much I wanted to be me. The world—the playground of endless minds—do you care about us suffering?

My Choice
For three years, I chose my way. I know the people are just ignorant about the harshness and cruelty of endless minds. I did choose my way—my way back to be me

So as to Live
I threw myself out of the school curriculum. I couldn’t endure it. It was damaging to everyone who has dreams and that dreams are shattered by the narrow lens of tangled minds. Yet the choice I had left for myself is the primordial light to the road whereon I walked and created. I survived GED. For me, I wasn’t born with a silver spoon. I had to do it on my own. I had the budget. I had the determination. I had a will to live my own life. GED on my own was a rollercoaster of pain and pleasure. I survived [Not The Thai Education] the only way to get myself into a college—which will accept me for who I am. No matter what. My eagerness got me into Chulalongkorn Business School which was a very new and alienated world for me. I felt at home. I felt. I felt and I stumbled. I stumbled and I crashed. Crashed into the bricks of peer competitiveness and social norms. O believe it was not the end. O believe it was the birth of life. The Life of which I can truly be me. I stopped what others were doing. I focused on what is me, what my own value, my own meaning is, The death is not the flat-liner; the death, the born of new hope. I can now see the world on my own, I look at people and just think. I see how mundane the normal life is, but I choose not to care. I can see myself in the mirror of the authenticity of my raw face, my own body, my own wills. I have returned to my life. Finally,

O Glaube! Du warst nicht umsonst geboren, hast nicht umsonst gelebt, gelitten!
Sterben werd’ ich um zu leben!
Was du geschlagen, zu Gott wird es dich tragen!

Ja, auferstehen.
Gestorbenes Leben, doch Geborenes Leben.

Eve
13/10/2026

Big Thanks to bigclosetr.us (Since August 2021)