Carmen Morales is a twenty-nine-year-old transwoman who lives in Santa Ana and works for an insurance broker while attending law school at night. She and her two roommates are celebrating the successful conclusion of her spring semester when she is summoned back to the Kern County home she was kicked out of eleven years before, by the Grandmother – “Abuela” – who refused to intervene. Her father has had a stroke and is in a coma.

At Abuela’s urging, Carmen reluctantly takes on the task of temporary conservator for her padre, and makes several trips to Buttonwillow to straighten out his insurance and public assistance issues. After a month, padre begins to show small signs of recovering.

When she first comes to Buttonwillow, Carmen stays with her cousin Kelsey, the only member of her family who had known her secret before padre kicked her out at 17. Kelsey has been living with Dace Gutierrez, the older brother of Carmen’s first crush, Diego. Dace is abusive, and both Carmen and her brother Joaquim (“Ximo”) intervene to stop him from beating Kelsey. He is arrested and released on bail. He comes after Carmen, but fails to catch her and disappears. The police put out an APB to bring him back in. As she returns from her fifth trip to Buttonwillow, Dace is spotted in Santa Ana. Carmen has a tense day and a half while he sends her threatening texts.

When she applied to be conservator, the probate court appointed an investigator to evaluate her fitness. Weeks after his task was complete, the investigator – Andar Kasparian – takes Carmen on a date. After an evening of dinner and dancing, they find themselves deeply attracted to each other, but decide to try to take things slow. However, when Andar hears that Dace is stalking Carmen, he immediately drives down to Santa Ana and arrives just after she’s received word that Dace has been arrested.

For a refresher on Carmen’s family tree, see this post.

Chapter 36: Faces of Love

Katie flashed me only the briefest look before she buzzed Andar through the main door and told him our apartment number.

It took a second before I recovered from the shock. “Katie! I can’t let him see me like this!” I’d looked like a wreck even before I dressed for bed and removed all my makeup.

“Don’t be stupid.” Katie whipped off her own mid-thigh-length robe – beautiful, dark-green satin with long loose sleeves and deep lapels – and tossed it to me. “Makeup, Lourdes!”

Lourdes smiled and pulled a couple items from her purse; our coloring is very similar. She touched up my cheeks, gave my lips a little color, and started doing something fast around my eyes.

Without moving anything that might disturb Lourdes, I said, “I just got a call. They caught Dace somewhere near Taos.”

“Yes!!! I knew he was blowing smoke!” Katie said, triumphant.

“That’s wonderful, Querida,” Lourdes said, pausing just long enough to give me a radiant smile. “Such a relief! And now . . . now you will have something to celebrate!”

“Wait ’til you meet Andar!”

“Oh, we’ll wait,” Katie retorted. “We’re off to bed, now. Byeeeee!”

“There,” said Lourdes, finishing a final brushstroke. “Good luck!”

I opened my mouth to protest, but the knock on the door stopped whatever I was going to say.

They both dashed into their bedroom and closed the door behind them, leaving no doubt about their view on how the rest of the evening should go.

For once, I agreed with them completely.

I opened the door.

“Carmen!” Andar took three steps into the room and pulled me into his arms.

Somehow, I managed to spin the door closed before putting both arms around his neck. Our lips locked so tight they might as well have been fused.

His hands were on my back. Hard. Strong. They slid across the satin smoothness of Katie’s robe without losing any of their power, and I reveled in the touch. His right hand slid lower and I writhed, somehow bringing our bodies even closer together. Saying, without words, Don’t stop.

He didn’t.

The hand slid down to my ass and he squeezed firmly. His other hand slid to the back of my head, and I felt his fingers bury themselves in my hair. I couldn’t suppress a moan of pleasure.

Our lips broke contact, but he still held me firmly, pressing my head against his shoulder. “Carmen –”

I shushed him, then gave his neck a quick peck. “I have three things to tell you. Just listen, okay?”

I felt him nod.

“One. They caught Dace in New Mexico. He’s finished.”

He didn’t say anything, but I could feel some of the tension drain from his shoulders.

I kissed his neck again, just above the open collar of his white dress shirt. He’d missed his afternoon shave. “Two. You didn’t have to come. Really. But I’m so very glad you’re here.” I paused for a moment to kiss him thoroughly, twining my tongue with his.

I was out of breath when he broke the kiss and touched his forehead to mine. “And three?”

“Three? Oh, right. . . . Three. I’m not – absolutely NOT – going to listen to any chivalrous shit about not taking advantage of me when I’m an emotional wreck. Got it?”

He chuckled, low and deep. “I used up my whole supply of chivalry, just getting here.”

“Good!”

He lowered his head and started planting kisses down my neck, and all the way to my collarbone. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Maybe.”

“Where’s your bedroom?”

~o~O~o~

I woke once in the middle of the night; the digital clock on my bedstand told me it was quarter past three. I was on my side, and I could feel Andar’s warm and solid presence all along my back. His right arm draped across me, and I could feel his outstretched left arm under my pillow.

As we lay spooned together, I thought about our love-making. How right it had felt, in the end. Not so different from our dancing, in a way – it had started good and gotten better as we learned each other’s bodies. But the physical sensations, while amazing, had only been a small part of the story.

Making love to Andar had pared me down to my essence, stripped away all of my masks, my doubts and fears, my memories – even my thoughts. Without all that baggage, my body joyfully responded, just like any straight woman in the arms of a wonderful man.

I was thankful – so very thankful! – for all of the advances in science that allowed me to experience and express both my gender and my sexuality in this deepest, most intimate, most human way. The feeling of my lover entering me, of moving deep inside me, was indescribably beautiful. It was like hearing music for the first time, after a lifetime of silence.

I had come so far from that frightened child that padre had banished. Years and years of grinding down and re-creating. Trying to knit a life that was true to who I knew myself to be. Andar had brought me closer, in one night, than I had ever been.

I usually sleep in something light. Lighter still, in the summer. It wasn’t like me to sleep nude, but nothing separated Andar’s skin from mine. I was wearing nothing at all.

Nothing but a smile.

The bed was empty when I woke again, and sun was streaming through the window. Far too much sun – it was quarter to eight!

I squawked, threw back the sheet that was covering me, and leapt out of bed. Andar and I hadn’t talked about plans for the morning – really, we hadn’t done a whole lot of talking, period. I assumed he had to go back to Bakersfield, though, so I wasn’t shocked to find he’d already left. But I hadn’t set an alarm, either. I could only make it to work on time if I moved fast.

I threw on a robe – my own, red, and a bit more modest than Katie’s! – and charged out to grab a shower. Regardless of the late hour, there was no way on earth I could head to work without one. Not this morning!

But the first thing I saw when I got out of my room was Andar, looking rested, refreshed, and all cleaned up, sitting at the kitchen table with his laptop open.

He smiled warmly and gestured at a large mug sitting on the end of the table. “Lourdes said you take it with a little milk.”

“Lourdes . . . .”

“Oh, and Katie said I should tell you to text your boss and let him know you’ll be in a bit late.”

“I can’t just–”

He cut me off with an airy wave. “She said he’d told you to take the day off, so he’ll be happy to know you’re coming in at all.”

Which was . . . true enough. It’s just not how I normally treated my job. Still, Dwayne would certainly understand when I explained why yesterday had been so bad.

I managed to shift gears and focus on what mattered. “You’re here!”

“I couldn’t very well disappear without saying goodbye.” His smile dimples were back.

I crossed over to the table, bent down, and gave him a lingering kiss. “I thought you used up all your reserves of chivalry.”

“It’s like an aquifer, really. Just needed a couple hours to replenish itself.”

I sat and put a hand on his wrist. “I’m glad. I thought you’d be on the road already.”

“I don’t have any in-person stuff scheduled for today, so I figured I’d drive back once you leave for work. The roads will be better after rush-hour, anyway.”

I picked up his gift of coffee and took a long sip before setting the mug back down. “Thank you for coming. I can’t begin to tell you how much it means to me.”

He reached over and captured both my hands. “After you called me, I realized how stupid I’d been, last Saturday. We just assumed we’d have all the time in the world. But you drove home and some psycho was waiting for you.” He squeezed my hands. “The only thing that comes with a guarantee is now.”

“I kinda had the same thought,” I confessed. “It’s why I sort of jumped you when you came through the door.”

“No regrets?” He gave me a searching look.

“Not a chance,” I said without hesitation. “Not . . . not unless you do?”

He shook his head slowly. “The only one I can think of is that I can’t stay the rest of the week”

“I don’t suppose you can,” I said wistfully.

“’Fraid not. I’ve got to see your buddy Judge Petrey first thing tomorrow morning on a contested will matter.” He reached over and stroked my cheek. “But you’re still coming up Friday, right?”

I captured his hand and kissed it. “Friday night. But I’ll be leaving after work, so I may be late.”

“Carmen, I know we were going to take it slow. Well, slower, anyway,” he added with a half smile. “But now . . . will you stay with me, when you come up?”

I leaned over and kissed him properly.

When we paused, he kept a hand behind my head to keep me close. “So . . . that’s a yes?”

“That’s a yes,” I agreed.

“Then it’s settled.” He gave me another quick peck, then stood and made a shooing motion. “Go on and get your shower; I’ll make you something to eat.”

~o~O~o~

I was still floating when I drove to work. Traffic at 9:30 was a little better than my normal commute time, and I left the car windows open and danced behind the wheel to some upbeat Merengue that matched my morning sunshine.

Gladys was talking to Sally by the copying machine and spotted me coming in. One look at my face and she started smiling. “Pop in when you have a minute,” she told me.

I did the usual routine – dropping off my stuff and checking for any urgent voice- or e-mails – but didn’t delay any longer than that before walking down to the office next to Dwayne’s and knocking on the open doorframe.

“C’mon in,” she said. “And close the door, would you?”

As I was doing that, she got up from her desk to give me a hug. “I’m so glad to see you looking better!”

She really was a treasure, and I knew how much Dwayne relied on her to keep the office on an even keel. Dwayne was a good manager – both easy going and fair – but he was nowhere near as observant. Either that, or he figured there were a lot of things it was better for the boss not to see. If I hadn’t literally been vomiting into my trashcan yesterday, Gladys would almost certainly have handled the matter on her own.

All of those reflections managed to find their way into the sincerity of my response. “Thanks, Gladys.”

She settled herself back in her chair and waved me into another one. “Yesterday you were too upset to talk; today you’re on cloud nine. Normally, I’d chalk that up to romance. Yes?”

I chuckled. “Yes and no. It’s complicated.”

“Obviously, you don’t have to tell me anything. If you’re okay – and sure’s hell, you look great! – the boss and his girl Friday are happy. But . . . if there’s anything you want to tell your pal Gladys, you know I’m here for it.”

“Off the record, then – I met a guy while I was doing stuff for padre. An attorney, up in Bakersfield. We really connected. And . . . yeah. So, that’s why I’m so happy this morning.”

“Oh, Carmen! That’s fantastic! I’m so happy for you – and it’s about time!” If her smile got any bigger, her face might split.

I took a deep breath. “What happened yesterday didn’t have anything to do with that, though, and I guess this part needs to be on the record. There was another guy up in Kern, who was dating my cousin. I called the cops when I caught him beating her, and he’s been stalking me.”

Her smile vanished, like I’d thrown a switch. “Oh my God!”

“The police spotted him in Santa Ana on Sunday, but he got away. All yesterday he was sending texts, but we figured out that he was only pretending he was still around. Long story short, he was arrested last night out in New Mexico.”

She came around and sat in the chair next to mine, then put an arm around my shoulder. “That’s a lot to carry, young lady.”

“I should have told you. I’m sorry.”

“You should have,” she agreed. “Some crazy guy stalking you is a danger to everyone around you as well – including everyone here.”

“I just didn’t want to scare everyone, when he was almost certainly long gone. I figured I could deal with it.”

“I understand. And I get that you were under a lot of stress. But Dwayne needs to make the calls on anything affecting workplace safety, okay?” She hadn’t removed her arm, and she took the opportunity to give me a reassuring squeeze.

“Yes, Ma’am,” I said contritely.

“Alright. I’ll fill Dwayne in on that part. He’s got meetings at corporate all day today, but he was pretty worried about you.” She found her smile again. “Now – tell me about the guy who put the spring back in your step!”

So I did.

~o~O~o~

Lourdes and Katie were waiting for me when I finally got home, having worked late to make up for my very late start.

Once again, my roommates had already eaten and I was playing catch-up, but they joined me at the kitchen table while I finished off the big salad Lourdes put together when she got home.

“Alright, Chica,” Katie said. “You know we want ALL the details!”

I knew Katie wasn’t asking about work, so I opened my eyes wide with innocence. “Details?”

“Yeah, details! Spill! Dish!”

“Oh, my.” I took a forkful of salad and chewed thoughtfully. “Did your mother ever talk to you about the mechanics of reproduction?”

“Carmen!” she growled.

“See, that’s what happened,” I said earnestly. “A few times.”

Lourdes laughed, while Katie buried her head in her hands.

I shook my head. “Really . . . it was so far beyond wonderful, I can’t even begin to describe it.”

“So, he gets an ‘exceeds expectations?’” Katie grinned.

I decided to give her a straight answer. “I didn’t know what to expect. Honestly, when I started transitioning, I assumed I’d always be alone. You two forced me to go out, to interact with guys. Told me I could do it, and that it would work out. I never stopped hoping, but part of me didn’t believe it. Couldn’t let myself believe it. Does that make any sense?”

“Of course it does,” Lourdes said.

“In a weird, Carmen-logic sort of way,” Katie snorted. “I mean, all you had to do was look in the mirror!”

Before I had a chance to respond, Lourdes said, “I don’t think that’s right. When I look in the mirror, I don’t just see what I look like now. I still see the chubby girl with braces. I see the teenager with the bad haircut and the stupid glasses and the blotchy skin.”

“That’s crazy!”

“You’re probably the same way, Katie.” I reached over and squeezed her hand. “But you’ve always been pretty. I’ve seen the pictures from when you were little. And from when you ran track, and went to all those dances in high school.”

“I do not see a prom princess when I look in the mirror!”

“No,” I agreed, “but I think it takes a lot to break the self-image we have when we’re kids. Even if somehow I woke up as gorgeous as you are, part of me would still think of myself as having a scrawny boy-body.”

Katie rolled her eyes, exasperated. “Carmen, you are gorgeous!”

“You say so.” I smiled. “Anyhow, whether all my fears were legit or complete BS, they were real. I had no expectation that anyone would want me. I could never have imagined that someone like Andar would.”

“He is handsome,” Lourdes said approvingly.

Katie leaned back in her chair. “Gotta give him points for the whole White Knight thing, too. I know you’re tough and all, but it’s always good to have someone so . . . solid . . . in your corner!”

I felt the heat rise in my face, but didn’t take the bait. “Seriously . . . what did you think of him?”

“Don’t matter what we think, girl,” Katie crowed. “You’re completely gaga over him – that’s all that counts!”

Lourdes just shook her head at Katie’s antics. “I’ve had three boyfriends since you moved in. Four, if you count Barry.”

“Barry counts,” Katie declared, with the finality of a judge.

“Four, then,” Lourdes allowed. “None of them would have dropped everything and driven three hours to be with me when I was in trouble. None of them would have stayed to make sure I was okay in the morning, or got enough sleep. He’s a keeper.”

“And, he can dance!” Katie said, grinning.

“Yeah.” I sounded sappy, even to myself. “All that.”

“See what I mean?” Katie asked. “You’re hopeless!”

~o~O~o~

Dwayne pulled me into his office as soon as I walked through the door Wednesday morning. He wasn’t ever physically demonstrative, but his hand was on my shoulder as he guided me to the “visitor’s” chair, and his voice was anxious. “Are you alright?”

“I am. Really. It was a bad scare, but it’s done now. It’s all done.”

“You’re sure?”

I nodded.

He picked up his coffee cup – the one that never seemed to run out – and pulled his chair over to sit opposite me. “Gladys gave me the short version – but I don’t understand why this guy chased you down to Santa Ana. It seems crazy!”

“It is crazy,” I agreed. “I think he’s just a sick guy. A violent, abusive, pendejo who’s not used to anyone standing up to him. . . . At least, not women. He put my cousin Kelsey in the hospital, and it would have been worse if my brother and I hadn’t stopped him and called the cops. Then he bullied her into asking the DA to drop the assault charges. I guess he just lost it when the DA refused.”

He shook his head, his expression troubled. “Is your cousin alright now?”

It was so like Dwayne, I thought, to worry about a woman he’d never met. Never would meet. I said, “I think so. I haven’t told her about this latest, and I know I’m going to have to call her and let her know what happened.” Though, God, I hope she never has to find out about the pinche revenge porn that cochino sent to me! “The silver lining in all of this is that he’ll never bother her again. With him gone, I think she’ll heal.”

“Good.” His voice was soft, and his attention seemed to be far away. But after a moment he sat up straighter and refocused. “Good.” His voice regained its usual strength. “And I’m very glad you’re safe, too. You gave us quite the scare. I was incredibly relieved when Gladys gave me the news.”

Time to face the music. “Dwayne – I’m sorry I didn’t say anything yesterday. I should have told you.”

He nodded. “There are things I can do, and would have done, to improve safety for you and everyone else here if I’d known. I can’t begin to tell you how glad I am that everything worked out, but it might not have.”

I’d gotten a follow-up call from Brian Braddock towards the end of the prior workday, so I now knew that Dace had never even been in state while he was sending me texts at work. He’d hotwired a car after he was spotted in Santa Ana and headed out to the desert. At some point Monday he ditched that car and tried to steal another one in Taos. But . . . I hadn’t known any of that at the time, and Dwayne was right.

I’d disappointed him, and I felt awful about it. “I’m really, really, sorry. I just didn’t want to worry anyone, and I didn’t think –”

He stopped me before I spiraled. “Carmen. It was a mistake, that’s all. Learn from it. If you’d papered it over, or not said anything to Gladys yesterday morning, that would have been bad, but that’s not who you are. That matters. I honestly think the only people I’ve had to fire over the years lied about mistakes or tried to cover them up.”

“Okay.” I managed to keep my voice steady.

“Not that this was in that universe,” he said quickly. “It wasn’t. So don’t beat yourself up; you’ve been through enough.”

He waited until I’d nodded an acknowledgement, then leaned back. “Now – remind me. You’re back up in Bakersfield on Monday, right?”

“Right.” I was happy to be on safer ground. “The good news is that I’m going up for the new probate hearing. So by the end of the day Monday, my younger brother should replace me as padre’s conservator.”

“That should be a load off your shoulders.”

“Absolutely. Ximo will need help, and I’ll be there for him. But I shouldn’t need to be running up there every other weekend.”

“That’s good. Your classes start back up in a couple weeks, right?”

“August 19,” I confirmed. “I’ve got most of my books and materials already, and some professors have posted their syllabuses.”

“Good, good.” He nodded. “You’ve got, what, another year after this semester?”

“That’s the plan.”

“Well . . . I had a thought, yesterday when I was up at corporate. I was talking to one of the people I know in our legal department, and he mentioned something about having one of his interns research something. I didn’t know they hired interns, and I immediately thought of you. If you wanted to transfer up there for your last year of law school, I can probably arrange it. For sure, I can get you an interview.”

My eyes went wide. “What?”

“I don’t know what kind of law you’re interested in pursuing,” he said, sounding apologetic. “But it would give you some solid practical experience, regardless of where you wanted to go later.”

“Dwayne, I don’t even know what to say!”

He held up a hand. “You don’t need to say anything – or decide anything – right away. There’s plenty of time. It’s just something to think about.”

I shook my head. “It’s not that. What I mean is, I don’t understand why you’ve always been so good to me. You hired me with zero experience. Trained me to do real work. Supported me through college, and law school, and my transition . . . .” I found myself fighting to control my emotions, and losing. “And now this – after I just screwed up?”

He got up, went to his desk, and got a tissue for me. When he sat down again he faced me square, his coffee cup cradled in both hands. “I hired you because Cat Becerra told me to, and I couldn’t possibly say ‘no’ to her. She said I’d never regret it . . . and I never have. You’ve done her proud, Carmen.”

My tears were flowing freely now. Sister Catalina said that she’d gotten me the interview, so of course Dwayne had known her. But . . . “I didn’t realize you two were close.”

He stared into his coffee cup like it held answers, and the silence stretched long enough to make me uncomfortably aware that he might think I was prying into his personal life.

Then his lips quirked into an off-center smile. “You weren’t the first person that woman ever saved.”

Of course I wasn’t; she’d run that shelter for decades. Dwayne wasn’t that much older than me – fifteen years, tops – so a daughter didn’t seem likely. But it was obviously someone he’d been very close to. “Your sister?”

“No, Carmen. It was me.”

“You?” I tried to make sense of it. I mean, maybe she hadn’t just run the shelter?

“You went to that shelter because you were a woman on the inside,” he said softly. “I was there because I was a woman on the outside.”

Dwayne? Trans? I realized that my mouth was hanging open and I snapped it shut before stammering, “I . . . I had no idea!”

“It’s not something I advertise.” His lopsided smile was back. “Good to know I pass so well.”

My mind was spinning, whirling, trying to remember every interaction I’d ever had with my boss. Even in hindsight, I couldn’t spot anything that might have given him away. He was a good boss and a nice man, but . . . very much a man.

That thought brought me up short. Dingus! Of COURSE he’s a man. Just like you’re a woman!

I finally latched on to a coherent thought. “No wonder you asked me about Kelsey.”

He nodded. “I knew a lot of girls like her, at the shelter. I bet you did, too.”

I had a sudden vision of Sunhee, the blood seeping slowly from the gash that had ruined her cheek forever. “I still see their faces,” I whispered.

“Yeah.”

We were quiet for a moment, lost in our memories. Memories of young women with different names, but depressingly similar stories. “Kelsey won’t end that way,” I promised.

“Good.”

“I guess it makes sense, now,” I said slowly. “Why you hired me. And how much you’ve looked after me, all these years.”

“Stop right there,” he warned. “I told you why I hired you. But I also promised Sister Cat that I’d treat you just like everyone else, and that’s exactly what I did. Everything you’ve gotten – everything – you’ve earned, by the book. That would have been harder for both of us, if you’d known my story.”

I sat with that for a moment, turning it over in my mind. I realized he was almost certainly right about how different – and difficult – our professional relationship might have been, if I had known we were connected in that way. “But you’re telling me now?”

“You won’t be with me much longer, one way or another. And, you’re not the young waif I took in all those years ago!”

“Still screwing up, though,” I said ruefully.

“So do I,” he admonished. “So does everyone. Then we get up and keep going.”

“I’ll do that,” I promised him.

“I know you will. You always have.” He smiled at a memory. “You were so nervous when you first came. There were so many times I wanted to tell you to stop worrying. That you didn’t need to show up early every day and stay late all the time, or clean other people’s dishes when they left them in the sink.”

I felt my face flush with embarrassment. Yeah, I was pretty pathetic!

“Well, you haven’t been that person for a long while,” he assured me. “And I’ve been particularly impressed with how responsibly you’ve handled juggling your father’s health issues and your work here. You’re more than ready for new responsibilities.”

“You’re the best boss ever.” Somehow, I managed to keep my emotions from completely overwhelming me. “I can never thank you enough.”

He rose, stretched, and smiled. “Sure you can. Have that analysis for the Polyforma health plan done before you leave today.”

He was putting his “boss” face back on, and that had to be my signal. So I stood, matched his brave smile, and said, “Yes, sir, Mr. Moriarty, sir!”

~o~O~o~

I spent all day Wednesday on the Polyforma file and felt very good about it when I put it in Dwayne’s hands. In the evening, though, I’d had to bite the bullet and FaceTime Kelsey to let her know about what had happened with Dace.

She’d been furious and mortified that he’d come after me, and was overwhelmed by both guilt and shame. I stayed with her for close to two hours and she was calm enough by the end of the call. But I’d still made calls to Innie and Uncle Augui, letting them know what had happened and asking them to keep a close eye on Kels.

My call with Innie had taken some time as well; she’d wanted all the details. I was a little worried, since she was now dating Dace’s younger brother, but she assured me that Diego would be relieved. From everything he’d told her, they’d been about as close as Cain and Abel. After Dace had gone on the run, Diego had spoken to their parents in Mexico, and they’d given him the green light to get their old Buttonwillow house ready for sale. Innie was excited about it, since he was flying down from Oregon for the weekend so he could get the process started.

Mercifully, Thursday was uneventful, both at work and at home. I got up three minutes before my alarm went off, had a very typical light breakfast, got to work on time and left only a few minutes late. I made dinner for Lourdes and myself (Katie was out on date), and got to bed at a very reasonable hour. Routine helped to calm me down and keep me focused, and I was able to go right to sleep.

I leapt out of bed early Friday morning, eager to be up and doing. I knew it would be a long day, but I would be sharing Andar’s bed when it was done. I padded out to the kitchen to get the coffee started.

Lourdes slipped out of the bedroom she shared with Katie, looking mussed but adorable as ever. I certainly couldn’t picture her as a pudgy child or an awkward adolescent!

“Good morning.” She smiled. “You look cheerful!”

“Crazy, right? I haven’t even had any coffee.” I gave her a spontaneous hug.

She laughed indulgently. “You make me remember the first time I was in love. So much joy you can’t hold it all in!”

“It’s true. I can’t help feeling like the luckiest person in the world.” I fished out our respective mugs and filled them up.

She got milk from the refrigerator and added a bit. “You’ve earned some good luck, Querida.”

“I don’t know about that,” I said, “but I’m sure not going to turn it down. It just feels too good to be true.”

We sat at the table, and she took a first, appreciative sip. “Katie’s a wild woman; I don’t know if she’ll ever settle down. But I always figured you would, if you found the right man.”

“Because I’m boring,” I teased.

“Because you’re serious, like me. I enjoy dating. Maybe not as much as Katie, but I do. I’m not in any kind of hurry. When I find the right person, though, I won’t miss it.” She smiled. “Well – not much, anyway!”

“Don’t you worry, sometimes, that the right person won’t come along?” It was a delicate subject, especially since — bizarrely — I was suddenly in a romantic relationship and she wasn’t. But we were close, Lourdes and me.

She simply shrugged. “Of course. Sometimes. But I won’t settle. I’ve known too many girls who did, and I don’t know a single one who doesn’t regret it.”

“I think I might have,” I said quietly. “Settled, that is. I mean, I didn’t expect anyone. But God, I did want it. If anyone had been serious, if anything had clicked, I don’t think I would have been able to resist.”

“You aren’t worried that’s what’s happening with Andar, are you?”

I shook my head firmly. “No. He’s truly a wonderful man, and I don’t think that’s just my feelings talking.”

“Good.” She put a hand on my wrist. “Good! I hope things work out; he impressed me too. He’s serious, just like you are. And he’s smart, and he cares for you. And he’s good looking, and dances.”

I chuckled. “Yeah – all that!”

“Right. But even if things don’t work out, you can never forget that someone with all that going for him finds you attractive. Cares about you. You have always valued yourself too cheaply, Carmen. I’m hoping, now, you won’t.”

I covered her hand with my free one. “Andar’s only part of the reason I feel so lucky. You’re another. . . . Have you got a minute?”

“Of course.”

“I need your help choosing what to pack!” Sure, I’d packed for lots of trips before. But I’d never packed for a trip where I would be staying at a man’s apartment . . . and sharing his bed!

She laughed, and followed me into my room.

Work was busy, but somehow each hour felt longer than the one before. I couldn’t wait to get on the road. At 3:30, though, when I checked my personal email, I discovered yet another reason to feel lucky.

“Oh, thank God!” I wanted to call Ximo, but I knew he’d be at work. I thought for a moment and fired off a text, figuring that he could look at it when he had time. Hey, ’mano! Good news – just got word that padre’s been approved for Medi-Cal. I’m forwarding you the official notice. Finally! Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.”

To my surprise, I got a response almost immediately – a big thumb’s up, and an emoji showing two hands clapping. Yeah! See ya then.

Five o’clock finally arrived, and for once I was out the door two minutes later. It would have been one minute later, but Gladys stopped me just long enough to give me a hug and whisper, “Have a great weekend, Carmen!”

Naturally, traffic was awful. That time of day, it’s always bad, and it doesn’t matter whether you are going to LA or away from it. There are plenty of people who work downtown, but lots of others are just commuting from one sprawling suburb to another one.

It made me think about Dwayne’s offer. The company’s corporate legal department was located on Wilshire Boulevard, right in the heart of LA. It was close to an hour’s drive from my law school, even in normal traffic.

More importantly, it was an hour from the apartment.

Katie and Lourdes had anchored me. Mentored me. They were my lifeline. It was hard for me to imagine that the day might come when I might have to leave. In my head, I knew I was being stupid. It was extraordinary that we were all still together. Katie’d thought long and hard about a job offer from a firm in Phoenix a couple years back, and one of Lourdes’ boyfriends – Jorge – had been pretty serious for almost a year. Katie and I thought she would move out then.

But it hadn’t worked out, and somehow we were still together. I didn’t want it to end. Certainly, I didn’t want to be the one to end it.

I told myself not to borrow trouble. Even if I got the internship, I might not have to be in the LA office every day. Maybe I could split my hours between there and Dwayne’s office. It wouldn’t be crazy, especially since I’d otherwise still have to be doing the commute in order to get to my classes at Western.

While the Wilshire Boulevard office was a solid hour from home, however, I couldn’t help but remember that it was only twenty minutes away from Glendale, home of the sprawling Kasparian clan. That thought, and the thought of Andar waiting for me at the end of my drive, brought a soft smile to my face.

For once, I was eager to be driving north.

— To be continued

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