The title says it all
How 2 Rite Gud:
Wisdom and Nonsense from 67 years of Writing
Joyce Melton
If you’re asleep, dream; if you’re awake, write.
Edit till it hurts; then stop.
500 words a day is just like 5,000 words a day if they’re the right words.
Describe a scene using three senses, at least one of which is neither sight nor sound.
Find your own congruent memory and use it.
Genericized verbs are invisible: said, looked, moved. Specific verbs must be earned: announced, glimpsed, fell.
The unexpected analogy is like a brick in the toilet bowl.
Careful with those exclamation points; you only get five.
“Per page?”
“No, lifetime.”
If your narrative runs off a cliff, have a nice trip or learn to fly.
Always keep your outline safe in a spare pair of pants.
Starting in the middle is a lot like riding a bicycle on a staircase.
Being a Pan(z)(ts)er is never having to worry about plot armor.
Never write tomorrow what you could have written yesterday.
Pixels don’t bleed unless you’re very, very mean to them.
Now you’ve done it. You broke your short story; it’s going to take a novel to get Billy out of this one.
You owe your reader an ending, and your editor wants the middle, but the beginning is yours and you don’t have to give it up.
Stories should be like school buses, full of snotty noses and paper airplanes.
Every two thousand words or so, someone should do something totally unnecessary.
Place is always the second character in a scene.
The wind may howl, but a dog has feelings, too.
Good villains are worth their weight in semicolons, ellipses, or other currency.
The elephant in the room is reading Proust.
Don’t confuse the landlord with a piece of furniture.
A best friend is like a corpse short one pallbearer.
Shave the cat, shoot the best friend.



Comments
Only 5!
Seems about right to me, except the 5 !'s per lifetime is brutal!
-Piper
(I guess I'm down to 3!)
(Now 2...)
!!!!!!!!...
OMG! I'm overdrawn at the exclamation point bank!
Have a safe and sane 4th of July
BTW my late mom would be 100 today, July the 3rd, George M Cohan's birthday... NOT Born on the 4th of July despite his song I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy
It's also Tom Cruise b-day but, eh, you win some you lose some
John in Wauwatosa
Keep it cool.
Fourth of July I mean.
Happily heading into a burnout is great for writing
Crawling out of it, not so much. (Please note the lack of (darn, I've already wasted my allotment))
Nice set of bullet points
Erin,
That's a nice set of bullet points. Being serious for a moment, I expect that some readers will learn a few things from it.
In my world, there are just two rules of writing. The second one is...
is that all other rules are a complete waste of time.
but....? What is the first rule?
That's easy.
Write from the heart and don't over think things.
Just my £0.02p worth.
Samantha
Overdrawn At The ! Bank
I think I've broken every rule, which is why I'll never write a best-seller!!!!! So there!
Celeste's Version
Anyone remember Celestial Reviews? She wrote something of the sort. Maybe I can find it.
-- Daphne Xu
Eight rules for writing fiction
This reminds me a bit of Kurt Vonnegut's eight rules for writing fiction. As I recall, he also had passionate feelings about the use of exclamation points, but these people CLEARLY! NEVER! MET! MY! CHARACTERS! :)
1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
4. Every sentence must do one of two things -- reveal character or advance the action.
5. Start as close to the end as possible.
6. Be a sadist. Now matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them -- in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.
Kurt Vonnegut was quite the character
A fine writer and must have had a strong sense of humor/willing to make fun of himself
His bit part in Rodney Dangerfields "Back to School" was a hoot
That a paper about Vonnegut written by Vonnegut got a low grade because he clearly did not understand Vonnegut is classic
John in Wauwatosa