I know this one is mostly in my own head.
But I also know I’m probably not the only person here who has had that experience.
Sometimes we can understand something perfectly well on an intellectual level and still struggle to believe it emotionally.
I know there is no correct way to be a woman. I know dresses, makeup, hormones, surgery, hair removal, or any other particular milestone do not determine whether I belong. I know I don’t have to prove myself.
And yet, sometimes, that little voice still asks whether I’m somehow doing it wrong.
I think a lot of us carry around expectations about what we were “supposed” to have done, what we should know by now, how we should look, or how comfortable we should already be.
Knowing those expectations are unfair doesn’t automatically make them disappear.
It just means we can finally see them for what they are, even while we’re still trying to get past them.
This week’s Under the Rainbow is about that: missed girlhood, femininity, insecurity, and learning that there really is no entrance exam for womanhood.
Full Essay on QueerDispatch: https://queerdispatch.org/2026/09/13/there-is-no-entrance-ex...
Comments
There Is No Wrong Way To Be Who You Are
I've posted a ton of blogs, comments on this site about blending in as a female. I've visited with hundreds? of transgender around the world, many exceptionally pretty and or beautiful. Even beautiful females aren't accepted as female when some bigoted ass hole thinks the woman is transgender. We will never change their fear and hate. The thing is they have such a shallow hold on their own gender be they are male or female, they need reassurance they are what they want to believe they are, male or female. Transgender calls into question male and female isn't a one or the other with no crossing the boundaries between.
I would hope all those who are transgender understand others have opinions the same as us. Some of those people will never change or accept us so stop tilting at windmills. It's a contest one can't win. What those who are trans can do is live their life the best way possible. Transgender doesn't mean one is going to have a fairy tale life. Genetic Females don't have a fairy tale life, there are speed bumps for all of us. Not everyone gets to live the life their mind is telling them they are male or female when the assembly line screwed up. It's like dropping a Detroit diesel engine into a Yugo. Or if that didn't register it's like dropping a two cycle moped engine into a Ferrari, a total mismatch.
It's hard if not impossible for many to accept and understand this is the life they were given. For many they have to continue living the life they were handed without the means to change into a more agreeable situation. Suicide isn't the answer but I understand when they pull the plug and check out. God knows I looked at that same option all my life. For a farm kid it's easy. Lots of big machinery designed to pull everything around into it for harvesting or processing, or the livestock who wants one dead? Farming, ranching are the deadliest occupations on earth. Three kids in my class got their final lesson in life.
Live life the best way you know how, change what you can, accept what you can't. Some will accept us, others won't, and a few will hate us. Kinda sounds like us doesn't it? We have the same small groups in our own class of transgender.
Hugs People
Always Barbie Lee
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
Good post
Learning to be oneself has no gatekeepers.
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.