Chapter 5

Drew Fairchild stepped out of his Tesla model 3 and pulled out a mint condition Zuca Roller Derby bag emblazoned with flames. He sat it on the gravel parking lot and examined his surroundings.

The expansive gravel parking lot of Swanky’s Fun Center was mostly empty; a handful of cars were parked near the front door. He studied the once colorful, but now dull paint chipping off the metal walls and took a deep breath. “This place is so real,” he said and checked the time on his Apple watch.

Drew snaps out the handle of his wheeled bag and begins to walk. He’s wearing a brand new Lululemon hoodie in charcoal grey, and the matching sweats. He wonders if the gravel is going to damage his new Hokas then realizes it’s already scratching up the wheels on his bag so he picks it up and carries it the rest of the way.

In the small entryway he sees Mike in the office on his phone, “Hello, I’m here for Roller Derby.”

Mike lazily looks up from his phone, “Oh hey man. Um it’s like 6:45, and practice starts at 7:30.”

“Oh yeah, I know, I just wanted to get here early and do some reccee, catch the vibes, you know,” Drew says.

Mike grinned, the guy looked like he was 35 and talked like he was 20, “Oh, well OK, the session ends at 7, but if you just want to come in and hang out you’re welcome to,” Mike said as he buzzed the door.

“Thanks Bru,” Drew held out his hand, “Drew Fairchild, I’m joining the team.”

Mike’s grin grew from ear to ear. He took his hand, “Oh cool, I’m Mike.”

Drew came on with the energy of a car salesman on a tight quota, “So tell me Mike, what's the story on the team, how they shaping up?”

Mike played along, “Well sir, I don’t know much about it. They practiced last week, looked like things are off to a good start.”

Drew nodded and stepped through the door and into the rink. Mike turned around and faced him from the office window that faced into the interior and gave him a thumbs up.

Drew scanned the interior and turned to the window, “MIke, you want to direct me to the locker room, or wherever the team meets for practice.”

Mike could barely contain himself, he pointed towards the row of tables in the concession area, “Well Drew, right there is the warmup room, if you’d have a seat at one of our benches I’m sure the others will be here soon.”

“Sweet,” Drew said. The warmup room currently had 4 bored parents on their phones. Pop music played at a low volume as 8 kids skated on the wood floor. Drew saw the brand new purple lines of tape that created a regulation roller derby track in the middle of the floor. His eyes followed the faded neon airbrush artwork around the rink. He took a deep breath, “This place is real,” he quietly said as he checked his watch again. He saw a mirror hung near the bathrooms and paused, straightened his hoodie, and adjusted his meticulously sculpted bedhead.

At 7:15 Rose, Tracey and Neal walked in together as the last parent was pulling out of the parking lot from the evening session.

“Hey guys, you already got a new recruit in there,” Mike said with a big grin.

“Awesome, see guys, this is going to blow up,” Rose replied.

Rose turned back to Mike, “I’m expecting a few others so can you keep the door open?

Mike smiled and wedged a doorstop in. “Yeah and wait until you meet this dude.”

Tracey smiled at Mike and followed the others inside, “So we’ve got a track now? How much did you have to pay Swanky for that?" she asked?

“Easy, Swanky gets his logo on our new gear and 10% of Merch sales. Oh and guys, you can rest easy with the budget because we’re not paying a dime for practices now.”

Tracey and Neal’s faces rose, ‘That’s incredible, how’d you swing that?” Tracey asked.

“Just a deal maker, you know that,” Rose said.

“She works here now, she’s reff’n Birthday parties on the weekends.” Mike deadpanned.

Rose smiled, “Swanky’s got a thing for redheads apparently.”

Neal took a sip from his coffee and walked in first with his beat up backpack. His eyes landed on Drew Fairchild fiddling with his gear.

The skates were the first thing he noticed.

They were immaculate. Riedell Solaris Pro 2.0 with custom flame leather panels. Reactor Pro plates, and big oversized Derby toe stops. All completely mint.

Then the helmet, an S1 Lifer, with visor. Letters were airbrushed across the back of the helmet that Neal couldn’t read.

Then the guy, dressed like a tech bro CEO heading to the gym.

Neal turned behind him to Tracey and whispered, “That guy’s got some good gear.”

Tracey took less than a second to clock Drew, “That guy is a poser,” she whispered.

Drew got on his feet. Neal and Tracey dumped their beat up backpacks on the ground.

“Welcome,” Rose said, stepping past Neal and Tracey and planting herself in front of the concession tables like she owned the space. She took Drew in in one smooth glance, skates to helmet to posture, then met his eyes. “You must be one of our fresh meat.”

Drew straightened immediately, a little too fast, he’d practiced for this.
“Yeah! Hi. Drew Fairchild, he/him” he said, then added, with practiced confidence, “but my derby name is Maximus Slamamus.”

There was a half-second of silence.

Rose nodded once, neutral. “Cool. I’m Rose. Queen Blackthorn. This is Tracey Dropkick Murphy and that’s Neal Blue Screen of Death” She gestured without looking back. “We’ve got some others coming soon.

Trachey reached out her hand, “You can just call me Kick or Drop, or whatever.”

Drew smiled, and took her hand. “Awesome. I got here a little early just to, you know, get a feel for the space. I’ve been doing a lot of research.”

Neal shifted his coffee to his other hand. “Yeah? On skates?”

“Derby,” Drew corrected, friendly but firm. “The whole system. Strategy, rotations, jammer endurance, pack dynamics.” He motioned vaguely toward the track. “It’s actually really fascinating when you break it down.”

Tracey snorted and didn’t bother hiding it.

Rose ignored that and looked down at Drew’s skates. “Rad skates. Did you just buy them?”

Drew beamed. “Thanks. I figured if I was going to commit, I should commit all the way. Didn’t want equipment holding me back, you know?”

“Sure,” Rose said. Her tone was unreadable. “How long have you been skating?”

Drew hesitated just a beat. “Uh. Not long. But I’ve done a lot of cross-training. And I’ve watched a ton of footage. Like, a ton.”

Neal glanced at Tracey. Tracey raised an eyebrow.

Rose nodded again. “Alright. We’ll get you on wheels soon enough.”

Tracey sat down at her own table, “So who else is coming?”

“Three. I hope.” Rose replied as she sat down and took out her phone.

Nick was the next to arrive, 5 minutes early. He stormed in with quick steps, inquired if he was in the right place and dropped into a seat.

Trisha wandered in a minute later, looking anxious and made a joke that she hoped she didn’t die.

Rose checked her watch, 7:31. No Sophie. She was about to speak when she saw Sophie enter the rink, tentatively, scanning the room the way people do when they’re not sure where they belong yet. Her eyes landed on the tables, on the gear laid out like a showroom display, on Drew standing just a little too straight.

Something in her chest tightened.

Mike shut the door and had a seat, Rose waited until everyone had settled, then leaned back against the table and crossed her arms. “Alright. Welcome to your first practice with the Derby City Angels. I’m Rose, but here I’m Queen Blackthorn, but usually on the track it gets shortened to thorn.

“She took a notebook from her messenger bag and gave everyone a handout. “We all need to sign this, just a standard waiver. You know that skating and derby can be dangerous, skate at your own risk, most importantly you can’t sue the venue, the team, or a team member. If that's OK with your sign it.”

Everyone signed, then Drew took out his phone and photographed the document.

“I’ll just run this by my lawyer,” he said.

Rose collected the forms then took a central spot in the room.

“OK, everyone, let's do introductions. In derby we usually go by nicknames, but you don’t have to. Tell us what you want to go by, your pronouns, and why you are here. I’m Queen Blackthorn, but usually just Thorn for short. She/her. And I’m the team president. Derby is what I live for.”

Tracey stood up and did a little curtsey in her floral skirt. “I’m Dropkick Murphy, I usually go by Kick. She/her. Derby is my center.”

Neal stood next. “Neal or Blue Screen of Death, just Blue or Blue screen is fine. He/him I’m a computer programer. I like playing derby.

There was a short pause that was quickly filled by Drew, who stood and pivoted as he addressed the crowd like he was performing on stage. “I’m Maximus Slamamux. Maximus is fine. He/him. I’ve been looking for something that’s physically demanding, strategically complex, and community-oriented. Derby just checked all the boxes.”

Since Trisha was closest she went next, she stood slowly and looked down, “I’m just Trisha. She/her. I used to figure skate as a kid and thought this looked like a fun way to get back into skating.”

Nick was across from her and didn’t stand up before quickly speaking, “Hey ya’ll. I’m Nick, I’m in college, I’m He/him. I’m looking to get into a team sport.”

Mike was standing out behind the tables and chuckled, “OK I’m Mike and as you can plainly see I’m a guy. People used to call me Tilt back in the day so that’s cool. I’m skating with you guys to try to get back in shape.”

Sophia went last, she stood up, “I’m Sophie, sorry no cool nickname. She/her. I like to rollerblade, and Rose, or um Thorn, invited me to join. So I’m here.”

“Me and Sophie go way back,” Rose almost showed her embarrassment before catching herself. “Before anyone gets hurt, confused, or overly confident” she glanced briefly at Drew “we’re gonna go over the basics.”

She looked at Neal. “You wanna do the honors?”

Neal set his coffee down and nodded. “Sure.”

“Forget the roller derby you saw on TV, obviously if we were out here throwing punches and stomping each other with skates on, people would be leaving in ambulances.”

“That’s a relief to hear.” Trisha said.

Neal paused a moment and nodded, “But, that doesn’t mean it’s not a physical game. A 2 minute jam will be the longest 2 minutes of your life, and people do get hurt. I’ve seen plenty of broken fingers, sprains, concussions, shoulder injuries, ankle injuries, tailbone injuries…” he saw Trisha’s mouth hanging open.

“OK you get the point. But if you train and play smart your chance of getting hurt is much lower. Safety is our top priority at all times. Proper safety gear is an important part of that so before anyone is on wheels in practice they will be geared up.”

Neal paused and pointed to the track. “Derby is half race, half football game. Ten players will take the track. Five per team. One of those players will be the Jammer. Who's kind of like the quarterback. That player has a star on their helmet. Only the player with the star can score points.”

“What about the Pivot?” Drew asked.

Neal paused and smiled. “Well get to that. Points are scored after the jammer initially passes and laps the pack. One point is scored for every opposing team member the Jammer passes.”

“Keeping the Jammer from just going around and scoring points is the job of the blockers, but besides blocking the opposing jammer they can also block opposing blockers to make holes for their jammer.”

“There is one other position. Maximumus, want to tell us that position?”

Drew cleared his throat and spoke, “That would be the pivot, designated by a stripe on their helmet cover. The jammer can pass them the star and then the pivot can score points like a jammer.”

Neal nodded, “That’s correct. Now that the basics, any questions?”

Drew raised his hand.

“ “At what point do we start thinking about jammer rotation? Because from what I understand..”

Rose didn’t raise her voice. She just interrupted, calmly, “We don’t have jammers yet. We have people who have never played Derby.”

Drew blinked. Then nodded, a little flushed. “Right. Of course. Totally. Basics first.”

“OK everyone if you have your own gear, go ahead and start warming up, everyone else lets go over to the skate counter,” Rose said.

Drew began putting on his gear, and the other new skaters all were issued loaner knee pads, elbow pads, and helmets from a huge plastic tub of extra stuff Rose had dropped off earlier in the week. All of the gear was mismatched and worse for wear, but fully functional. It took some time to train everyone on how it all velcroed on.

Rose watched the group skating casual warm up laps. Once everyone was out on the diversity of skill level became very apparent. Mike, was easily the best skater of the 4 noobs. Trisha, while rusty, wasn’t far behind. They both could do crossovers, balance on one leg, control their speed, and skate backwards. They just needed derby specific skills.

Sophie had benefited from her inline trail skating. She could go forward fine and T-stop. Drew and Nick both had the farthest to go. They could both stay on their feet but their strides were short and choppy and they couldn’t figure out how to stop. They both fell down a couple times in 5 minutes of warm up.

“This floor is so different from where I have been practicing,” Drew said as he got off the floor.

“Where have you been practicing?” Tracey asked.

Drew smiled, “I have a small indoor gym at my house,” he said.

Tracey nodded, “Well that tracks.”

Rose called everyone to the center of the floor. Neal came in quickly and slid to a sudden stop. Tracey rolled in with controlled plow stops.

Nick came in behind Drew, “Hey, um, shit,” he yelled as he crashed into the man and they both tumbled to the ground.

“It’s all good, I’m fine,” Drew said.

Rose smiled, “OK. We've all got alot to learn but I see so much potential. Before we can start learning actual contact you all have to pass the minimum skills assessment. so training for that will be our first priority. We’re going to divide into groups so that we make the most of our time.”

She scanned across the group, “Blue Screen you’ll take Mike and Trisha. See if there is anything they need to work on. Kick, you take Drew and Nick. Mike and Sophie, you’ll be with me.”

“Remember there is no I in team, but there is a u in suck, and if you don’t want to suck then you’ve got to practice.”

Sophie laughed, “Feeling inspired now coach,” she said.

“Great, let's get inspired on some planks. On your bellies!”