Chapter 9

The band got towards the end of a song, and I stood, taking a sip of my wine. Dad looked at me with question in his eyes, which was answered when the tune finished, and Tiger went to the microphone.

“Thank you for being such a good audience. I can see that there are a lot of people here to experience Tonya performing. I’m now asking her to join us to round out the evening with some more modern tunes. I have to tell you that this has only been rehearsed on paper, so I ask you to give us a little leeway. Come on up, Tonya, and let’s show these wonderful people what entertainment is.”

He held out his hand as I went up on the stage, and he led me to the keyboard. He had put a sheet on the music stand with the songs he wanted to do, in order, as a way to round out the evening with a set that would build to a big finish. I looked at it and smiled at him. The first song had me leading in, and I started that as he was going back to the microphone, picking up a pair of maracas on the way.

We worked through the ten songs to end the evening, without anything odd that the audience could pick up on, getting progressively tighter. The last song of the night had both of us singing and then it finished with a big chord. There was a lot of applause from a crowd where very few had left. We all took bows and there were calls for ‘more’, but the publican put a stop to the proceedings by coming up and thanking everyone for coming and thanking us for the entertainment.

Slowly, the crowds left, the two lads coming over for a kiss before they went. My Uncle and Aunt were very happy that I had played some of the tunes from Tanyas’ DVD, and our parents had tears in their eyes when they hugged me and my sister. Francis said that she would see us tomorrow, and several people wanted to know where we would be playing again. Those, I pointed to the bands’ manager, who was helping take down their kit.

Eventually, Margaret and I were able to leave, with her telling me that she had more than a couple of drinks and asked me to drive us home. When we got in, the dogs were ready for bed, having been laying on mats outside.

We didn’t talk much as we got ready for bed, with the wig treated with solvent. It went back in the cabinet on its head, and the dress went back on a hanger. I was very thankful to put the shoes away. They may have looked magnificent, but I wouldn’t want to wear something so tall all day. I had a good night of deep sleep, waking up after Margaret had fed the dogs. This entertaining was hard work!

When I wandered into the kitchen, Margaret was ready with a hot pan to give me a cooked breakfast.

“I heard the toilet flush, so I guessed that you’d be needing food. That was a good show, last night, and that dance music looks harder than the nightclub set.”

“You’re right there, sis. I feel like I did a day’s work. It was a real experience, and the band may want me to play other shows with them. The manager will be in touch.”

“Does he want to sign you up?”

“No. We agreed on an arrangement where he would pay me a hundred a show as a contractor, between now and the end of the year. We may start to get enquiries about solo spots from the exposure, as well as when the CD is released, depending on how it goes. Don’t worry, you’ll get your fifteen percent. I’ll be getting a hundred today, in cash, so I’ll give you the fifteen. We’ll have to keep a record of cash payments to give to the accountant.”

When we both dressed, we went with jeans and sweaters with boots. The dogs went with us as we took the Defender to the hotel to collect my money and equipment. The publican was almost over the top in his praise of the evening, as well as the big crowd that we had attracted, giving me an extra hundred as a bonus. I gave Margaret her first thirty pounds as my manager, and she hugged me before putting it in her purse.

We were putting the gear back in the lounge when Francis arrived, so Margaret made the tea while I connected everything up. Francis wanted us to start planning for the Harvest Festival stall, which was to be the second Sunday of September, just two weeks away. I had thought about that, and had planned the Victoria Sponges, and had added a big batch of tea cakes to my list. Scones would sell well, but not cold, and there was no power to the site.

When she had left, the two of us talked things over and went out to the shed, with gloves and left-over COVID masks on, and did some more cleaning up, now the bike wasn’t there. We had lunch and went to the big hardware store and bought two metal storage cabinets to be delivered. I had the idea that, if I was going to make cakes in bulk, I would get flour, baking powder, sugar, and other ingredients in bulk, and store them out of the way of rodents.

Later in the week, I got a call from the band manager, asking me to attend a meeting of the band on Thursday, at the Kings Arms on St. Marys’ Street, Bedford, where they often played. It was to be at eleven, and we could stay on for lunch.

During the days, we went to the big stores and bought the extra supplies, using the Subaru with Margaret driving. The car was good for shopping, being smaller and a hatchback. With the back seats flattened, it almost had as much load space as the Defender. We got boxes of one-kilogram packs, so that I could store them as normal in the kitchen, and just have to go out to the shed when I ran short. The boxes all went into the shed cupboards nicely. I checked the cookbooks that Albert had collected, which Tom hadn’t cleaned out, and found a few recipes that wouldn’t take a lot to whip up. There was one on wedding cake making and decorating, which I put in my bedroom for a bit of light nighttime reading.

On the Thursday, we took the Subaru up to Bedford and found the pub. The meeting was in the bar, and was mainly the manager, Oswald, Tiger, and me, discussing lists that they had. That’s when I found out that the rest of the band had daytime jobs with nine-day fortnights, which was how they could get a Friday off. They played once a month in this pub, and the following week at the Bull and Butcher in Milton Keynes. There was also a regular spot at the Esquires, in Bedford, an alternate Wednesdays, on the ‘old-timers’ evening. I was told that the weekends there were all electric bands.

That would give me four shows a month, which would give me a chance to get some solo spots. They had, before the lockdown, been getting regular wedding receptions, but that had stopped in April without picking up yet. They thought that nobody was game to book ahead in case it was forbidden at a later date. I had a look at the stage and then agreed to start joining them that Saturday. We had lunch and went to a store to buy a diary for the financial year, so Margaret could start to write in our appointments.

Margaret had another driving lesson on Friday, so I did some experiments with cake making. Saturday, we took the Defender, with my equipment, to Bedford for the show. The crowd wasn’t as big as the Cricketers but were all diehard Trotters’ fans and very appreciative of my appearance as part of the band. The poster, outside, had advertised the show as the Trotters, with Tonya, and we repeated much of our previous show, seeing that we hadn’t been able to rehearse anything else, but mixed up with me on stage the whole show.

The following Wednesday, we did the same show at Esquires, to an older audience, where the band did old-time dance music with blocks of me joining them for a bit of swing. The feedback from both was very positive and I thought that I would be pretty certain of earning four hundred a month.

The day after that show, we had a note in our post box to go into Letchworth to collect a parcel, which turned out to be a box of CDs and some other things. The CD was well presented, with a picture of me at the piano in London, taken from the video that had been shot on the night. It was the full session that I had played, so was good value for the money. It didn’t have anything about Tanya, so I guessed that they were saving that information for the duets. There were a half a dozen DVDs of the video, the copies of the photos we had chosen, and some papers. One was the application for an Equity card, with the card clipped to it. That just needed filling out and posting back. I now had some performance dates that I could tell Hector about.

There was also a contract with the label. They wanted me to sign with them for four albums, with the first already produced and the second as the duet album. It confirmed that I would be paid two pounds per sale for the first two, and that the payment period was the twenty-first of the month to the twentieth, with payment made by the end of the month. There was space for me to enter my banking details. I had a think about the other two albums, wondering if two Tonya and the Trotters albums would work. We could record locally and courier the master to the label. I wasn’t beholden to Hector to use his studio. I would have to see how it went.

That evening, we put the DVD in, and I watched me on stage, for the first time. On Friday, Margaret had another lesson and the instructor booked her for a test at the end of the month, before it got frosty. I was busy making cakes for Sunday, as I would be busy on Saturday with the show in Milton Keynes. That was another good show, and we were getting to be a tight unit, with more interaction with the audience. I had taken along some CDs for the band to listen to. I had filled in all the forms in the morning and posted them off on the way.

On the Sunday, we had the Defender loaded with table, chairs, dogs, and boxes of cakes for sale. We paid our site fee to Molly and set up in a tent with others. There were a couple of cake stalls, a chocolate stall, and several craft stalls, typical of that kind of festival. I had added two dozen CDs for sale at a tenner each. The event started at eleven, after the church service. We had sold all the CDs by one, and the majority of the cakes by four, when we packed up to go home, leaving the remainder of the cakes with Molly to be taken around to parishioners. Francis had wanted to buy a CD, but I told her that there were a half a dozen at home for her and the girls.

One guy who did buy a CD, and wanted me to autograph it, was the detective sergeant and he said that he had been at the show at the Cricketers. He asked me where I lived, and I told him that he had already been to my house at the end of Lower Green. He thought a moment.

“That’s where the guy had died of a heart attack. I spoke to a fellow then.”

“That’s right. That was me then, and this is me at the moment. Before you ask, no, I’m not gay. This look was foisted on me by someone in London who wanted me performing in his nightclub, the same as my cousin, the one who had died, had performed in the mid-nineties. He ordered his girl to get me the works, and I ended up with semi-permanent make-up.”

“You got a lot more than make-up, seeing your performance the other Friday.”

“That was all down to my cousin and was seven years of being taught how to play.”

“What about the cakes?”

“That was five years of being taught how to cook, by Albert, his life partner.”

“You’re still at his house, then?”

“My house, now. He left it to me, along with his Defender. My sister is staying with me at the moment. She’s acting as my manager and should, hopefully, be a busy girl when my name gets out there. That CD, by the way, has only been on the market for a week.”

He picked up a couple of the business cards that were on the table.

“I’ll let my boss know about your situation. He may want to drop in to make sure that you’re settled in.”

“If he wants to see me play, I’ll be at Esquires, in Bedford, a week on Wednesday, and then at the Kings Arms, in Bedford, the Saturday after that. I’m part of the Trotters at the moment.”

He hadn’t been the only one to pick up one of my cards. The ones that we had got for Margaret seemed to be popular as well. Mine had Tonya Underwood, entertainer, while hers had Margaret Underwood, cosmetologist and hairdressing, home visits by appointment.

When we got home, I put the table and chairs back in the shed and went in the house where Margaret had the kettle on. I opened up my bag, where I had put all our takings and we counted it out, three hundred and sixteen pounds fifty pence. I took away two hundred and forty pounds for the CDs and gave her thirty-six pounds from my purse. We then split the remainder between us. We went off to write up our official earnings.

Francis arrived in time for a cup of tea and one of the cakes I had kept at home. She told us that a lot of her friends had told her how nice we were, and how tasty the cakes were. When she left, she had six CDs for her and the other girls. I had a bit of a think about that, and then went to write it up as a promotional give-away, along with the six that I had given to the band. Our accountant could work it all out at tax time.

On Monday, we rang Mum at the library and arranged to take the parents out for a meal on Tuesday evening, at seven, at the Rump and Wade. I wanted to make sure that they knew that we appreciated their care and support for the two of us, as well as give them a CD and a copy of the DVD.

That was an interesting meal. Dad was a bit nonplussed at having his children take him to dinner. For him, that had always been a fathers’ job. He did, however, congratulate us on what we were doing with our lives, and how much he had enjoyed the show. We told him about the other shows that I was now doing, as part of the Trotters, and we gave them two CDs, one for Uncle Eddy, and a copy of the DVD, explaining that it was the show that I had performed in London, off the cuff. We gave them some of our business cards, with Margaret saying that she had a few enquiries, and would be able to fulfil the home visits when she passed her test, next week.

On Wednesday, I experimented with a fruit cake, and made icing for it, trying my hand at decorating. We had it for dessert for several days afterwards with cream, ice cream or custard. On Thursday, I registered another sole trader business. Underwood Delights, cakes made to order, became a reality by the next week.

We had, for us, a quiet weekend. Margaret got me naked and went over my body with wax, where needed, which wasn’t very much, thank goodness. She also removed the wig and the breasts for the two days, so my skin could breathe. The make-up had almost disappeared. Just my luck, I looked like Tony when the police car pulled into the property.

I met them outside, and the inspector smiled.

“I was told to expect to see a hot girl. Isn’t that what you said, sergeant?”

“I’m having a rest from that. The only hot girl in the place is my sister. Do you want to come in and have a cup of tea?”

“We will, but just want to have a look around, first. You’ve done wonders since we were here last.”

“OK, the cupboards in the shed contain baking ingredients, in bulk. I’ll give you the keys if you want. The bike was traded on the Subaru, which my sister will be driving when she passes the test, next week.”

When they came in and sat down, I made the tea. The Inspector looked around.

“You’ve been busy in here as well.”

“The whole house, Inspector. You’re welcome to have a look. About the only things here, unscrubbed, are the dogs.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, what are you doing to earn money?”

“I don’t mind you asking. I’m presently working four nights a month with the Trotters, and I’m thinking about advertising as a supplier of bespoke cakes. I had good feedback from the ones I sold at the Harvest Festival. My cousin left me this house, free and clear, and over a hundred and seventy thousand pounds, so I have no need to be doing anything illegal. The CD that is now on the market will give me two pounds for each sale, and I have a contract to supply another three albums. I’m pretty happy with my life, at the moment. What you see, today, is me having a rest from being Tonya. I needed to present as Tonya for a specific reason, and she has stayed with me. The make-up I was given is fading now, though.”

“You intrigue me. What was the reason?”

“My cousin had left things in a safety deposit box at a Lloyds bank branch on Oxford Street. It could only be claimed by a woman who could answer a question about one of the songs that’s on that CD. She expected to reclaim it herself. That was when she was Tanya Hyde, and not Tom Anderson. The box ended up containing jewels that belonged to Harvey Parker, who owned the nightclub where she was playing regularly. I do have a DVD of one of her performances there, although it’s pretty poor and copied from Super Eight.”

“After meeting you here, the first time, I had a look at your cousins’ record. That arrest didn’t look at all right.”

“Sit there, Inspector. I have the scrapbooks from that period, which should scratch that itch.”

I went and got the two scrapbooks, finding Margaret sitting in her room with one of the novels. I took the two scrapbooks back to the kitchen.

‘One is of my cousins’ performing days, and the other is cuttings regarding the arrest. I can tell you that the drunk and disorderly was trumped up, as she was arrested in mid-performance, along with every member of the staff, and they were all arrested for the same thing, and were all tossed out of the police station without any breath tests being taken, or any charge levelled.”

They looked through the books, and the sergeant looked at me.

“You could be identical twins. You look just like these pictures when you perform, except for the outfits.”

“There were a dozen outfits here when we looked through the house. The one I wore at the Cricketers was one of hers, and over twenty-five years old.”

The inspector closed the case scrapbook.

“It doesn’t say why there are barriers to looking at the records?”

“All I can tell you is that the particular vice squad was corrupt, my cousin and the others were held for some days in crowded cells, and the squad were sent to jail, themselves. The compensation hearing was behind closed doors, so I’ve been told, and my cousin never performed as Tanya Hyde again, coming home and getting a good job teaching music.”

“Thank you for being so frank with me. From what I’ve seen, and heard, I think that I can guess why the compensation was paid. Look, if you need anything, just ask. I’d like to buy one of your CDs, if you still have them. It’s my wifes’ birthday, next week. Autographed, if you don’t mind.”

I went to the office with the scrapbooks and came back with a signed CD.

“Here you are sir. That’ll be ten pounds.”

He smiled and gave me the note.

“When she’s listened to that, you can take her to the Kings Arms, in Bedford Town Centre, next Saturday evening. We’ll be onstage then. If I see you, I’ll say hello.”

“I’ll ask her if she’ll like to dance. Tony, I will tell you something. That is that we don’t do policing like that here, not then and not now. Even the thought of what happened then brings bile to my throat.”

They had a quick look through the house, said hello to Margaret, and left. She was at the kitchen table when I went back inside.

“What did they want?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe it was just to see that I wasn’t up to anything illegal. Maybe to see if I had a bunch of guys living with me, with a couple tied up in the bedroom. What was interesting, was that he had looked up Toms’ record and ran into a blank wall of red tape. If Tom hadn’t left us the explanation, we would never have known.”

I stayed as Tony until Tuesday, when Margaret turned me back into being Tonya. In the afternoon, I checked my emails. There was one from the accountant, telling me that there had been a deposit in my account from the label. I appeared that the ten days, or so, that the CD had been available, it had sold fifteen thousand, four hundred and twenty-seven copies, and I had received thirty thousand, eight hundred and fifty-four pounds. I replied, asking him to transfer fifteen percent to Margarets’ account.

Wednesday, I dressed for the show. I was dressing to fit in with band, so wearing more normal outfits, saving the other show outfits for when I did a solo show. That afternoon, we drove to Bedford in the Defender with the kit in the back. We set up for the evening, played a few new things that we had talked about, had a bite to eat and then did the show as well as we could, which was to great applause with a full dance floor, almost twice as many as the fortnight before.

We drove home that night, with Margaret dozing in the passenger seat. I was happy with the outcome and the improvement of some of the new songs, I had my eighty-five and Margaret had already spent her fifteen during the evening. She had an excuse, though, as she had the driving test in the morning, and was worrying about it. I was going to put my phone on alarm so that I could wake her up in time to be ready. I don’t think that she would thank me for it until later, though, when I would tell her that she was over four thousand, six hundred pounds better off than she was yesterday. I smiled as I drove south. I was Tonya, again, and feeling playful.

Marianne Gregory © 2026