CHAPTER 8
“Yeah, they’re camped down at Watlington, just along from Lewknor”

“Ooh! It’s pretty round there. I’d just prefer it a bit warmer, and drier. Did you want those drinks?”

“Oh, sorry. Pint of Abbot for me. Mary?”

“The pinot grigio, Jules, please”

“In five, then”

She looked quickly at Lynn.

“This one can give you the low-down on who’s been talking”

I turned to the other woman, best expectant face on, and she sighed.

“Lots of gossip, especially following that Teams meeting. Sharon’s been quite vocal, as always”

“Oh really?”

“Yes, but not like that. You know she’s always seen herself as Speaker For The Office; this time she’s been sort of collating stuff and, to be honest, slapping a couple of people down. Thing is, you set so many rumours going in the last year, they’ve all been waiting for the whatsit to drop”

“Other shoe?”

“That’s the one. And she’s part of a group that---ah, no easy way to put this. Do you know how miserable you were?”

I couldn’t help my laughter.

“Trust me, I knew exactly how bloody miserable I was! Bit hard not to, from, you know, inside of it”

“No, Ellie. Not how mizz you felt, but how you came across to others”

Mary said, “I can tell you how you were, if you want. I doubt it was much different to how you were at work, just without the arguments, I would hope. Being professional, yes?”

Lynn was nodding from her first words.

“Exactly, Mary. Here’s Julia back. Right: half the office thought you weren’t coming back. Half of them thought you were off looking for a man. The rest… I was one of them, love. Thought it would be a call from the Aussie plod, ‘Did you have someone called Ellison working for you?’, and that would be it. That was where I was, like I said. I’ve had that chat with Julia, though, but the others haven’t. Just, I don’t know, maybe best get your ducks in a row before you say hello to them all”

“Deep end again, then”

“Not on your own, though”

Jules burst out laughing, so of course we all stared at her until she could speak again.

“Sorry, all. I was just thinking, you know, ‘Let’s go to work’, and then it struck me, that film”

She paused teasingly, before adding, “Deep End of Reservoir Dogs”

Mary shook her head, whether in resignation or rueful admiration unclear, and then we walked over to vet the grazing. Sharon, as we had guessed, was to the forefront.

“Welcome back, you. Have you knocked all the crispy bits off your edges?”

“Same jokes each time, so we can avoid the stuff about weight loss, okay? Yes it was hot, yes it was hard, and yes I got spoilt”

There was by then a group of colleagues hanging on our words, and as Sharon asked, “Spoilt? How?”, I explained.

“One of my first nights there, I was camping on a decent site. Wherever you go in Australia, there are barbecues, usually big flat sheets heated by gas or electricity, not grids over coals. The campsite did a barbie pack, and I was thinking, this is more than two days’ worth, when a man calls over to me, ‘Hey Blondie!’, so I get a little worried”

Sharon was the one to push.

“Go on, girl”

That brought a little hiss of indrawn breath from the group, as well as a sly wink from Our Lady of the Gossip.

“Well, it wasn’t just me. There was another woman there”, deal with it, “a Canadian, and she’s got the barbie pack as well. The man was sort of local, down there for Christmas on the beach with his family. His wife’s a bit of a mad thing when it comes to cooking, so they’ve got a load of cold stuff that just needs eating, prawn salads, squid, loads and loads of it”

I did my own teasing pause before adding, “Beer and wine as well”

A snort from Sharon.

“And no booze of your own?”

“Well, Jacky, the Canuck, she had a couple of bottles of white, and another couple might have accidentally dropped into panniers on the way there. Anyway, what I mean about being spoilt is that there was loads of seafood, everywhere, as fresh as could be. Decent meat as well, but the sausages, oh dear. Phil, that’s the man, and Val, they had lots of sliced salami and that, and it was all so bland, all tasted the same”

I was watching their faces, and knew it couldn’t last. Reservoir deep end time.

“And before anyone asks, yes. This is me. This is who rode around in the heat. This is who Phil was calling ‘Blondie’, so I hope that’s got rid of a lot of the questions”

Danny Stewartby simply said, “Some of us thought you wouldn’t be back”

I shrugged.

“As you can see, I am. As long as nobody was running any sort of dead pool thing on me, then we’re all square again. Now, we have a couple of mad friends here, camping down the road, yes, in this, so we’re giving them a dry night. We’ll be sitting over there”

Terry called across, “Tell them to help themselves to the buffet if they want, Ellie. Looks like I’ve ordered too much”

“Thanks, boss. They’ll appreciate that”

It was a deliberate strategy, intended to reduce the number of incoming questions to a manageable rate, and five minutes after sitting down with Sandy and Greg, we were joined by Terry and Julia. I made the introductions, and Terry confirmed the food offer. Sandy sent Greg off to forage, on the grounds that he knew what she liked, and if there was a challenge, his smile was much nicer than hers. He was back in a couple of minutes with two loaded plates, and I began the introductions. Julia was curious as to how a woman from Reading had met a Frenchman, and Sandy sniffed.

“He was a stalker. I was on a cycling holiday in the Midi, and he started following me everywhere. Still can’t get rid of him, as you can see”

Greg matched her sniff, which set Sandy giggling.

“My beloved wife here likes to tease, to play games with reality. Yes, we met on the Mediterranean coast, we rode together for some time”

“He showed me a cowpiss lake and nudist colonies”

“Which are both true, but only because they were on our route. We had a failure of communication at one point, and Sandy departed. I simply ensured that we spoke again and settled our misunderstandins”

The look Sandy was giving her husband was one of absolute adoration, but she did her best to disguise it.

“Well, I could do a lot worse, I suppose. Cheers, everyone”

I got up a little later to get the next round in, Greg helping to shuttle the drinks back to the table. Just as I was paying, there was a touch to my shoulder.

“Hi, Rishi. How’s you?”

“I’m fine, fine. You’re looking fine…”

“It’s okay, Rishi. Not going to bite your head off”

“Lynn did”

“Can I ask what for? I only heard you were wondering if I was coming back”

As I was myself, Rishi, but not a subject for right here and now.

“I did, but it was… It was a question I asked before that. I couldn’t help noticing, you know, your chest”

“I was using a binder, Rishi. Concealing everything”

“Yes, but it showed, just a bit, like when you hung up your jacket”

“Yeah, well, no biggy there”

“It wasn’t that, Ellie. I asked Lynn what was going on, cause she normally knows everything”

“Ah. How, exactly, did you ask?”

“I’ll just order a drink”

He did the necessaries, taking a mouthful of his lager and lime before turning mostly back to me. Mostly, because his eyes were still looking down at his pint.

“I asked if you were trans”

“Can I guess that you used a different word?”

“Er, yes. Sorry”

“No, I don’t need to know what is was. You regret it now?”

“Yeah. Lynn called me an ‘absolute ignorant fucking arsehole’, and then, when you went, I was worried, that you’d heard my comments, so I asked Lynn, and she tore me to shreds. I shouldn’t have used those words about you, Ellie”

I didn’t need to know which ones, for I could make a bloody good guess.

“Not quite right, Rishi. You shouldn’t use those words about anyone, yeah?”

“Fair point. What are you doing, then? Coming back to the office?”

“I think so”

“And what about… What about your wife?”

“That, funnily enough, is something we’re trying to sort out right now. What would be nice is knowing we have someone watching our backs. You up for some of that?”

He grinned, awkwardly.

“Atonement?”

“Na. Just being the man I already knew you were”

The grin that time was far more natural.

“Yeah, all right”

That was the peak of the face-to-face awkwardness out of the way, but there were still quiet comments and looks toward me from others who kept their distance, especially when I went to the loo. I mean, come on: where did you actually expect me to go? In the end, as we had started early, most people drifted away home, maybe slightly wobbly, and eventually the four of us took our own leave, the rain still heavy on the taxi’s windscreen. We spent some time going through my Aussie pics, before Greg pulled out his own laptop and talked us through some photos they had managed to obtain at a Tour de France final stage, together with the obligatory ‘This is Sandy in front of the Eiffel Tower/Louvre pyramid/miniature Statue of Liberty Arc de Triomphe/etc’ shots. The alcohol did its job, though, and we settled down for the night, Mary in her now-accustomed position with her head on my shoulder and hand on my breast.

Just as I felt myself drifting away, she raised her head, clearly listening, then settled back down with a smile.

“Ellie?”

“Yes love?”

“Should we remind those two in the morning that we have central heating?”