Practice Invisibly

Days 12-14

The next morning Mum was buttering toast while I stood beside the kitchen table in trainers and an old sweatshirt, arguing with Richard about something unimportant. I cannot remember what. I remember enjoying the shape of the argument itself - my voice raised just enough, Richard answering calmly like he knows everything so much better than me, Mum barely listening. Even then, arguing was still something Daniel did without having to think about how Daniel was supposed to do it.

For a while, Archie thought about Amy.

Deliberate thoughts had become difficult now. They needed somewhere steady to stand, and stumbled around in his mind as the ground crumbled away beneath them. Each thought came without asking, soft and immediate, gliding softly around the gaps. Instinctive thoughts settled much more easily, as they could simply float through the spaces as they pleased.

He remembered the first time she had rescued him.

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For a while, Archie kept remembering Jamie’s garden.

The memory came uninvited. He did not mean to visit again, and again. The memory had no business in his imagination right now. It belonged to early summer, to sweet warm beer and dewy grass stains, to Jamie’s mother’s kitchen light falling yellow across the patio while everyone pretended not to be waiting for someone else to be the first to do something reckless.