I had a nightmare yesterday. I dreamt I heard a woman's voice telling me to be careful, that "They" were coming close and that I was unarmed. The fear in the voice was enough to wake me, and I found it hard to go back to sleep again. Here's hoping today I sleep better, I don't need to be driving to work drowsy.

Well, today is not going well. I had the idea of creating a little Spells R Us story, something light and fluffy and full of wish-fulfillment. So I started with the simple idea of me (with a different name, but me, nevertheless) running into the Wizard. Unfortunately, its not going according to plan. I may end up with the most depressing SRU story in history ....

Ah, well.

This morning, I was using my electric shaver to remove the hair from my arms, legs, and chest when my dog decided she needed to investigate the noise. You'd think a dog would be scared of a shaver, but she seemed to think I needed comforting during the procedure, as she nuzzled me as I worked to remove my hair. I love my little dog.

Got a nice compliment last night. A member of my trans group told me I had a very feminine set of movements and attitude. Made me smile.

Well, I was a little bit down when I woke this morning. I struggled with the questions; "What am I doing this for? If I can't be female between my legs, what's the point?" I felt like "I'm going to die a freak, no matter what" I'm doing a bit better now, thanks to my friend Kylie, but those feelings are still there to some extent. Pray for me.

Am I being stupid, that I'm actually disappointed with how few people commented on "Night Entries"?

I have to make a decision, and I need help. See, I started working on a Ret-con origin for Commander Steel, and I came up with a unique way of dealing with the cyborg aspects of his story - without making tech that would be difficult to explain. But Lilith said it didn't really work for that universe. So the question is, do I drop that aspect, and try something else, or should i make the story not a part of that universe and keep the idea, cause its interesting? What do you guys think?

I've posted part 3 of "Night Entries", and there will only be one more part. Sorry this has been so hard to read, but I think it was good for me to get out. Not to give anything away, part 4 ends on a hopeful note, so that's good.

Those of you who have read chapter one of Night Entries can see this is not easy stuff for me to re-live. I can only assure you all that there will be some nice moments, but we have to get through the dark stuff first. Keep holding on to me, we'll all get through it together....

Well, last night as I drove to work, I got hit with inspiration for a new story. Of course, that means my current projects will have to wait, but ah, well.

Well, just when things started to go well, my mother got a notice from her bankruptcy lawyer. Apparently, she has not been paying him, nor has she been doing what he told her to do. So now he is suing her to get a garnish on her wages to make her pay. I'm trying to get her to talk to a professional counselor, its clear she's not making good decisions, but I'm not having much luck. She told me the reason why she has kept this from me is because she thought I was too fragile myself until very recently when I started working as Dorothy, by which point it was too late for me to help much.

And I guess it went okay. I was rated a 3.25 out of 5, so above the minimum, but not as good as I hoped. I'll have to try and do better by the next evaluation.

Well, last night, I gave myself a belated birthday present. I used the gift card my brother had given me for my birthday, and bought myself a ladies watch. I also bought some foundation and cleanser as well. Just wearing the watch last night at work was enough to lighten my spirits considerably. That's a very good thing.

And her favorite way of dealing with stress tends to be by giving stress to someone else. For example, when my mother woke me up in a panic shortly after I had gotten asleep yesterday to ask me what to do about the dog, and I suggested a vet and went back to bed, Apparently I was supposed to go with her, despite needing my sleep for my night shift. This led her to say there isnt much feminine about me, either now or in the past. Somehow the fact that I held down a job as a nurse's aid for 10 years doesnt count. Ah, well

Well, I think my hair has become the ideal symbol for my in-between gender status. See, I wear a wig when I go out as Dorothy, (although, sometimes, at work, I sweat enough under it to wish I didn't have to) so I don't pay a lot of attention to my natural hair. But, sometimes, I do have to deal with it, as I simply cant seem to manage long (natural) hair, and it ends up looking horrible. But then there comes the quandary - what kind of style and cut should I get? I really hate having a super masculine cut, but can I pull off a more androgynous look around the ex?