Well, I'm over 14,000 words on my "Quest" story, and not even close to done. I might actually end up with a novel, or at least a novella before I'm done....

You ever get the impression that you are in a place for a higher purpose? Well, in my case, it was more than an impression, it was like getting a smack on the head. See, while I was in Slave Lake, one of the girls I was working with told me her son just came out to her as trans, and she had been doing research into it, when along comes me, doing my RLT. I talked with her awhile, and then gave her my e-mail addy so she can get a hold of me if she needs to. The rest of my time there was okay, but that little moment was just ... special.

Well, I had my first shift here in Slave Lake, and it went okay. the hotel is nice, but I dont expect to have a lot of time to look around the town between work and sleep. Interesingly, one of the staff here has a son who just recently came out to them as trans, and has been doing some research on it, so she wanted to ask me how I'm finding it. My responce is "so far, so good." The hotel has a internet kiosk that charges by the hour, so I can check in on you wonderful people, so behave!

Well, I'm going to be away Tuesday and Wednesday, as my work has asked me to go to a store in the far north of Alberta for two shifts. I'll stay in the town overnight between them at hotel on Walmart's dime, and my meals and gas will be paid for as well. I could use the extra work, but I'll be without a computer for the two days, so more than likely you guys wont hear from me until I get back. Super hugs to all.

Last night, I was putting cardboard into the baler (a device that squishes it down and makes it ready for recycling) with another lady, and we were trying to figure out if the baler was full. She asked one of the guys to help us make a bale if it was needed, and put it this way - "We girls need a strong guy like you to help us."

It came across so naturally, like she never even considered me as anything but a girl, and it kinda made me tear up with happiness.

well, my little experiment with tampons is over. While the feeling was slightly uncomfortable, it wasnt horrible. Assuming it felt at all like what a g-girl feels like once a month, I have more appreciation for what they go through ...

mostly, for me this was mostly about being able to be stimulated there without feeling "dirty." In doing this, I took a little more ownership of my body today, and that's a good thing

Well, I was thinking about "girl lessons", and I want to go into some detail on the subject. See, because of what happened to me, I not only fought against my need to be feminine like my life depended on it, whenever I did give in and let Dorothy out, I struggled with feeling like I could never really be a girl anyway - never look like one, never really act like one. Compliments like the one I got yesterday are helping me move past those anxieties, but very, very slowly, and it still comes up on occasion. So keep cheering Team Dorothy, its really making a difference....

Well, the last couple of days, I've been arguing with my muse, and its been going like this:

Me: Time to get working on "Quest"

Her: I'm bored of that story. I wanna do something else.

Me: Like what?

Her: Like a sequel to "The Dead Kid,"

Me: Hmmm. Okay, lets see what that looks like ...

(Later)

Me: I dont know, it might be too close to the first one.

Her: Not a problem. We could do another autobiographical story.

Me: I do like talking about myself...

(Later)

Well, I did a bottle run today, and took the money and got a pedicure for the first time. Even though I was in pants and without a wig, the staff treated me well, even when I asked for pink nail polish on my toes. Its funny how much a little thing like that can make me feel so much better.

Well, either my ex didn't notice my wig, or she chose to not mention it when I picked her up last night. Part of me is breathing a sigh of relief, the other part of me realizes all this means that the confrontation is still to come ...

just a quick little apology. I may not comment much on stories for a bit. I'm trying to focus on my "Quest" story, so I may not be as active as I have been. Doesn't mean I'm not enjoying stories, but my brain is elsewhere.

Well, yesterday while I had the day off, I went back over my blog here, and its hard to believe how much has changed for me from the beginning. Then, I was still struggling with accepting myself as a woman inside, still hoping somehow I could be the male person everyone wanted me to be. And even as I started to accept myself internally, I struggled with feeling like there was nothing I could do - no way I could pass dressed as a woman, much less begin a transition, and yet here I am, on my way, able to go out unafraid, accepted at work, and even started hormones.

Well, thanks to all the loving support I get here, I'm doing better. Now with that crisis behind me (hopefully), I wanted to talk about my boy name. I'm not sure why I've been so reluctant to share it, going so far as to create a pseudonym even in my autobiographical story "night entries". I'm gonna have to mull this one for a bit.

I just wanted to send a big "thank you" to all the members of "Team Dorothy" for all your support. Huggles to all.

Well, today I see the endocrinologist and find out if I can start a hormone regimen. Wish me luck, because if I can't I honestly don't know what I can do ....