Was remembering something that happened at my daughter's birthday party. We went swimming, and after I had changed into trunks I realized I had to go back out into the public area to get something. Well, I was suddenly struck with a feeling of being indecent, exposed, because I didnt have on a top. Even my daughter commented on it, as if she had expected me to wear one. She sometimes seems to struggle with calling me "Daddy" and sometimes slips and calls me "Mom".

Well, apparently my blog offended, so officaily i am shutting it down. I write a journal at the site called Daily strength, so I really dont need another outlet for my personal life, i guess. Anybody who wants the link to my journal can message me.

Well, I woke is finished, and I wanted to thank everyone who has read, voted, or commented on the story. What started as a little throw-away while I was looking for ideas has morphed into the longest piece of writing I have attempted. I hope I can take the lessons I have learned doing this piece and use them for the stories that follow. Got some ideas, but it might be a bit before they are fully realized. One of the lessons I have learned is the advantage of taking my time. Plus that old friend "real life" may have a thing or two to say. Hugs to everybody.

Well, I had a great time at the meeting. Nice guys, and made me feel welcome. So that part was good. Unfortunatly, real life came back with a literal crash at work today. I am stuck working in the stock room at my work for the next 5 weeks, which will mean more hours, but it started with me dropping a roller on my ankle, which really hurt. By the end of the day, I was sore, tired, and depressed. Ah, well.

Well, I was due for a down, and this one is a doozy. Been struggling with mmense feelings of sadness and grief. Its like being on a little raft, and having a storm form around you. I have no choice but to try and ride the wave, or drown. Fortunatly, I have resources I didnt have before, and I am trying to use them. They include the techniques I have been learning in my sessions with the counsilor at the rape center. I cannot, I will not give up, but the next bit of this climb is going to be tricky.

Well, my visit to the provicial goverment office was a waste. I make too much money at 700$ a month to get help. I am at a loss. I just dont know what to do now. I wonder if I am stuck like this forever.

Something weird is happening to my stories, and I am not a happy camper. Somehow my name as the author is being replaced with beverly colleen's. This happened to the first story i submitted, and bev was not pleased, thinking I had used her name without permission. I really hope this is a problem that can be fixed. I am going to have to go through all my stories and make sure i am getting credit. I would hate to have to pull them, but I did write them, and i deserve the praise and blame for them.

Well, I thought I might share a bit about my ongoing serial, I Woke. It started with learning about N.D.E. - Near Death Experiances. A lot of people have had this experiance, and there seems to be some common moments they share. They have talked about drifting above their bodies, watching doctors and nurses try and revive them. Many have mentioned a great light, and some have said they have heard a voice telling them to go back. Well, our hero(ine) may not have heard a voice, but he is serving a perpose where he is, and there are some surprizes ahead. My only hint - Chaos therory, giggle.

Well, I would like to describe my trip to the counsilor. First, I got dressed as feminine as I posibily could. That meant bra, panties, hose, a purple valour dress, some clip-on earings, and a butterfly necklace. Unfortunately, I had to wear boy shoes, but ah well. Anyway, I was beyond nervous and left home early. I got to the place where the sexual assault center has their office, and it suddenly occured to me that I had not entriely thought this through.

A friend of mine has started up a TG website if anyone is interested in checking it out
http://rhonda7.proboards.com/index.cgi

Well, if that little blerb at the top doesnt get some hits, I dont know what would, giggle. Of course, that wasnt all I was wearing. I had gone to my last session with the community support team and decided that because it was downtown, I wouldnt go totaly enfeme, but could wear my bra and panties and hose under my boy clothes. It was over quick, so I decided to take care of my teeth, which have been aching the last couple of days. I am not sure the dentist noticed, he didnt say anything anyway. Life can be fun, can't it?

I promiced I would write a bit more about my faith. I strongly suspect that my grandmother was the one who convinced my mom to send me to christian camp. But whatever the reason, faith became a big componant in my life. I am not sure I could do justice to what it means to me to someone who doesnt believe, but I needed that sense that somehow, in some way, there was plan, and I was included. That Someone beyond myself, greater than myself, was in charge, and He actuallly cared about me. When I found whosoever prays, it was, as it were, an answer to prayer in itself.

Well, since people refuse to write this blog for me, I guess I am stuck doing it, giggle. So I wanted to talk about my little piece "The talk" for a second. This one came to me as a, er, erotic dream. Which is weird for me, because normaly I don't dream of boys. Its got me wondering a bit about dorothy's orientation, giggle. Fortunatly for my readers, I toned it down from R rated to PG. If you havent noticed by now, I am not one for a lot of graphic descriptions in any case. Besides, I think the reader can fill in the blanks just fine, dont you?

Looking at this blog, I realize I have only scimmed the surface, hitting the highlights. But I am not sure where to go from here, so I am leaving what to fill in with you readers. What's missing? What are you curious about? I of course will include any breaking news as it happens, but I hope I can satisfy any questions you folks might have.

Well, after my marriage imploded, I was ready to try and find out why I behaved like I did. My first stop in this journey was a christian counsiling center. They promiced a "cure" for gays and Tg, and I was desperate. The consilor was into Jung and dream interpertation, and encouraged me to write everything down. So not long after I started, I had a flashback and grabed a pen and paper and started to write. I had no idea what I was writing until I finished and read it. It was a graphic description of one of my assaults. I started to feel ill.